Friday, March 21, 2014

The traumatized child

A few people in response to the book or blog have accused me of narcissistically wishing that the world would accommodate me and other sociopaths, rather than us adapting to the way the world already works. The funny thing about that suggestion is that adapting to a hostile environment is how I got here in the first place. I was raised in a home with parents who were always self-involved, often neglectful, and sometimes violent. Ever since I can remember, it was always me adapting to them and my environment (or more like me rolling with the punches) rather than experiencing any special accommodations for me and the person I was growing to become. I often think that my lack of attachment to any sense of self derives from these childhood losses. To my child mind, there was no point to becoming attached to something or care about it in an emotional way if it could disappear, be destroyed, or be taken from me the next day. Of course this is not the way that every child responds to those sorts of environmental triggers, nor was my childhood even remotely close to what I consider real trauma and abuse. But I feel like I experienced enough (obviously) to not only trigger whatever genetic propensities I had for personality disorders or other mental health issues, but also to understand how influential one's childhood experiences are in shaping the person that one eventually becomes.

From the NY Times under the headline "Teaching Children to Calm Themselves":

Children . . . who experience neglect, severe stress or sudden separation at a young age can be traumatized. Without appropriate adult support, trauma can interfere with healthy brain development, inhibiting children’s ability to make good decisions, use memory or use sequential thought processes to work through problems.

Do these children expect the world to accommodate them?

The education system responds bluntly to kids with these challenges. The standard arsenal of disciplinary measures — from yelling and “timeouts” to detentions and suspensions — are not just ineffective for children who have experienced traumatic stress; they make things worse. By some estimates, preschool expulsions are 13 times more common than K-12 expulsions — a finding that, given the bleak future it portends for these children (and the associated costs for society), should send alarm bells ringing across the nation.

I don't actually think these children expect anything, much less to be accommodated. But is it a good idea to accommodate them? Probably, at least as long as it is cheaper to accommodate them and provide them with adequate coping mechanisms while they are young rather than leaving them to continue their behavioral issues into adulthood, and all of the accompanying social costs that would entail. At least that is the economic rationale for whether it is a good idea. Is there a moral one? And if so, does the moral one say that we should help them? Or maybe that we shouldn't accommodate bad behavior (the classic parental excuse, "he just wants _____, so don't give it to him)? Maybe our moral beliefs cause us to believe that people should bear all responsibility for controlling any behavior that is even remotely volitional? Or do we only start saying those sorts of things about people once they've turned 18 and become an adult who still has behavioral problems (i.e. after society has already failed them)?

One of the most interesting parts of the article to me was what sort of "special accommodations" were advocated for these children:

Luke is receiving individual therapy. But he is also surrounded by caregivers who understand his needs and know how to respond when he needs help. Through the Head Start Trauma Smart model, teachers, parents and even the bus drivers and cafeteria workers who interact with children receive training in trauma.

This allows them to respond more skillfully, rather than reacting out of anger, frustration or resentment. Indeed, one of the biggest lessons for teachers and parents who undergo this training is that the very first step is learning how to calm, and care for, themselves, especially when they are overstressed.

In other words, one of the primary goals of the training is to try to minimize the caregivers' own emotional reactions to the child's behavior -- to focus on calming their own selves down first. Does that suggest any plan of action to empaths who deal with sociopaths on a regular basis?

One bus driver who underwent the training explained how it changed the way she sees the world:

“I used to be the kind of person who said, ‘The way it looks is the way it is.’ But I don’t look at it that way anymore,” McIntosh said. “There are things that happen to people that we don’t know about.”

And as a director of a similar program argued:

“We’re built to succeed as human beings. If that normal process gets disrupted, we need to do anything we can do to put it back on track.”

Could it be that sociopath children who have experienced trauma have already come up with a way(s) to put their lives on track to overcome their chaotic environments? But in a way that is both more efficient, powerful and more objectionable than people would like to see in their child victims of trauma?

69 comments:

  1. Survival of the scheming: a genetically informed link between the dark triad and mental toughness.

    Abstract: The present study is the first behavioral genetic investigation of the Dark Triad traits of personality, consisting of Machiavellianism, narcissism, and psychopathy, and the variable of mental toughness, reflecting individual differences in the ability to cope when under pressure. The purpose of this investigation was to explore a potential explanation for the success of individuals exhibiting the Dark Triad traits in workplace and social settings...

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  2. Life is NOT static. You either grow or regress REGARDLESS of
    your enviornment.
    If those programs helped any children thats a RARITY. There's NO
    corralation. The slum doesn't make the person. The person makes
    the slum. This is proven by the Jewish "Gettos."
    I knew a young, embittered, Latino man, who suffered much abuse
    (Physical and sexual) in various foster homes and flop houses.
    Everything came to a head and he tried to take his own life.
    He was only saved when children discovered his unconscious
    body and got help.
    He underwent mandatory hospitalization and therapy. What made
    him different from most, was his INDIVIDUAL character and
    determination to improve. There was absolutely no accounting
    for this based on his prior life experience or genetic backround.
    He traced his family backround-it was important to him-and was
    dissapointed to discover that most of his biological realitives
    were parasitic, underachieving, or uncaring. He married extremely
    young and decided to work with children. I lost track of him
    after that.
    Apart from sleep difficulties steaming from the abuse he
    underwent, and an understandable strain of scarcasm, he was
    no self-pitying slacker. He earnestly wanted to get better, and
    honestly put forth the effort.

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    1. Actually, children do not possess the level of individual, independent thought needed to override their environment consciously until they are young adults or older. Cases to the contrary are very rare. In this case, the slum does make the child, as the environment imposes developmental influences as they grow up. Because of this, the exception does not make the rule.

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    2. MR 17soontobe18 yr old socio

      Both of you are right. Life is not static, You either grow or regress regardless of your environment's state, you mean (not the environment itself); he put forth the effort to get better; true. The environment imposes developmental influences as a child grows up, true.

      If it weren't for the awareness of his surroundings, he wouldn't have made the decision of getting better. His environment lead him to make such a choice, and he willingly decided to confront the issue.

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    3. So, basically that guy was so messed from what happened to him that he tried to commit suicide and then received therapy and that makes him an example that therapy does not change anything because it is the individual who decides whether he wants to overcome problems or not. Is your argument based on the rules of some new school of postmodern logics that I am not aware of?
      Besides, one example in you personal life does not count more than research and research clearly shows that human personality is built by a process of interaction of genetics, environment and one's own will. You cannot just cut out the first to factors.
      And there is something called the vulnerability-stress-model that states that mental health issues, personality disorders etc. are a result of (environmental) stress that a vulnerable person suffers. Maybe that guy was not that vulnerable. Or maybe he tried to kill himself because he had a mental health problem and then finally received the much needed help.

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    4. MR 17soontobe18 yr old socio
      Kathrin Bauer, anon 4:40 meant regardless of the environment's state/conditions/circumstances, not the environment completely as such.
      He turned out different than what would be expected of him relative to his surroundings; because he became aware of the result environmental stress provoked in him and willingly decided to correct it, so he cooperated with therapy. Therapy only changes something when the individual is willing to listen to it; it does help, but not on its own.

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  3. Interesting, one of my parents runs a charity that trains public services, families and teachers etc.. to deal with people suffering from dementia or alzheimer's disease more effectively and carefully and this had parallels to that.

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    1. Furthermore, as a teen when my mother would react badly to things I did I would tell her that to parent me better she should first harness her own emotional responses before she tackled my apparent lack of them..

      -MrCharlED

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  4. People just go through the motions or as you put it roll with the punches. I don't think anyone cares if anything goes as planned because they, most likely, do the next or easiest thing.

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  5. I suspect there is some truth to this-due to trauma the child develops a strangle hold on themselves that results in tough mental attitudes. Now whether the trauma is due to a faulty filtering system that over whelms the child with sense data or more conventional child abuse is the question-and a bit of a chicken and egg one I suspect!

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  6. In other words, one of the primary goals of the training is to try to minimize the caregivers' own emotional reactions to the child's behavior -- to focus on calming their own selves d.own first.

    Anyone who has to deal with the mentally ill on a long-term basis has learned how to do this. Still, it's great that they are providing training for non-family members

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  7. Congratulations ME you made it to Reddit

    http://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/20zdx1/til_that_a_there_has_been_a_book_written_from_the/

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    1. The outrage seems a little mishapen, which is surprising coming from you. When did you start resorting to narrower ad hominem attacks? Why are you angry and vindictive now instead of before? That is not usually like you. How have you "had enough"?

      As already stated in the book, she was a good lawyer until she partially self-destructed and went into academia. It's explained in detail. There hasn't been excuses being made for growing up - supported, again, in the book in an entire chapter - only explanation of circumstances that described the environmental factors. Questions have been asked - leading questions - to provoke discussion. It's not whining. That is nothing new.

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    3. Wow,unless you know her personally, your WAY of base and don't seem to understand sociopathy and what she's trying to say about early intervention for children. Their are so many variables here,one needs to keep an open mind. That's what she's doing. Can't you see she's looking for help for herself and other's? Starting with children? Her symptoms are a result of her sociopathy. Do you get that? She's admitting it, and has admitted it. She's trying to find help for people who need it, including herself.

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    5. MR 17soontobe18 yr old socio
      I completely understand your (Erik Anderson's) point of view. But I think you're being too straight-forward. If you believe she has an 'incomplete adaptation' as a sociopath, how would you expect such to respond to your position?
      I agree with you, she should set an example to the other sociopaths out there, but the fact you perceive she's not trying doesn't explicitly mean she's not willing. Be a little patient. :) ?

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    6. Socios seem to admire their own world views and await estimation.

      They do not get estimation because their inability to love other people leads to contempt and malevolence. Nobody estimates this.

      I think non-socios can "react more skillfully". Prerequisits:

      1) Sociopathy must be outed
      2) Non-socio neither emotionally nor otherwise dependend from socio.

      Relationships, that fulfill these criteria are:
      ?





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    7. I think you misunderstand, Erik. She said that she adapted to survive in a hostile environment. Do you now expect her to, after having lived 18 years or so in that world, to drop everything she learned (and acquire skills that she never learned) to adapt perfectly to your vision of the world? Also, I am not sure that anyone adapts perfectly. Have you ever made someone upset? Had someone not like you because you failed to accommodate your needs? Do you think you do that much better than she does?

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    8. Your reply to 9:27 is bewildering, Eric. Are you saying that it's not enough to advocate on behalf of child victims of trauma (including sociopathic children) but she also has to do so for the reason you might (although I don't see you advocating on their behalf, so one wonders why not).In other words, she not only has to do the thing you want her to do, she also has to do it for what you consider to be the right reasons?

      And how would you know what her reasons are?

      Or what evidence do you have that she is not setting the example for the sociopathic lawyer? M.E. has said in various venues (including on Dr. Phil!) that she is trying to get better, including most recently here: http://www.sociopathworld.com/2014/03/james-fallons-life-as-nonviolent.html

      No offense, but I don't think she needs your "help" "motivating" her to do the "right thing", according to your narrow view of what that might be. Maybe try reading her book before you assume you know even half as much about her as you think you do!

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    10. wow erik, i usually agree with what you say but now you are starting to sound paranoid. what sort of "accommodations" or "changes" in the world do you think she's going for and why are you so adamant about opposing them?

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    11. Wow Erik, it seems like you grew a pair overnight. Good for you!

      MelissaR

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    12. Ha, grew a pair! Nice use of not only sexist but neutering language, Melissa. Always great to hear from enlightened minds on this site advocating bullying sociopaths in the same sentence that they use language that throws back gender relations a few decades.

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    14. I think you are missing a more basic point, Erik. The initial discussion was about traumatized children. You're the one that made it about M.E. You show as much by suggesting that everyone that attacks you must somehow be supporting her. How about we just disagree with you? Talk about narcissistic. And how else would you describe your behavior? Not bullying? Maybe just tough love. You accuse someone of being blind to the content, but yourself are the one that made a discussion about how we should treat traumatized children into a fight against team-M.e. versus team-Erik.

      Getting back to the content, as was my original hope, I still want to know how you expect child sociopaths to adapt to your world to avoid you adapting yourself.


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    15. agreed with anon above. m.e. is just talking about different idea and you have made this into a personal attack. that is the very definition of ad hominem saying her ideas aren't worth anything because she is a lawyer so she must be attempting to misdirect. i agree with anon from above. what is she trying to misdirect from in a post about children who experience trauma? i think that you feel that she has done all sorts of terrible things and wants society to accommodate her in that, but i don't see either. tell me, eric, what terrible things has she done that had made you so angry towards her? and what sort of "actions" are you talking about? that she talk openly about her problems on a blog and in a book? that she try to help other people with the disorder? that she live her life as openly as possibly? there are not rehtorical questions. i really want to know what you are thinking.

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    17. Ok, that helps out a lot. From what I gather, the agenda you believe that M.E. is asserting is "that sociopathic behavior results from adaptation to a harsh childhood environment". You seem to believe that this isn't true. But it is, or at least the belief has been repeatedly supported by peer reviewed journals and has never been falsified. In fact, James Fallon, whom you cite, bases his entire book on an exploration of these factors and surmises that the reason he does not manifest more antisocial traits is because "It turns out that I had an unbelievably wonderful childhood".

      Or perhaps you believe that even if antisocial behavior in sociopaths is triggered by and predisposed by traumatic childhood experiences (and I would love to see some references from you that suggest otherwise), the reference to this basic fact in this instance is not to shed light on the problem of what do do with traumatized youngsters, either the ones who grow to be sociopaths or the others, but is rather used as "an excuse for antisocial behavior". However, you have not identified any antisocial behavior that you believe M.E. is attempting to excuse apart from mentioning that some of her actions are characterized more by "their innocuousness rather than their severity". I know some people here are impressed with facile arguments filled with personal attacks and pure conjecture, but I do not find these persuasive.

      Do you just find suspect anything that she says about sociopaths that is remotely positive, neutral, or sympathetic? What about all of the other scientists who attempt to explain the mind, origins, and behavior of the sociopath? Are they also suspect? What about James Fallon? Does he have better motives in your mind for his arguments because he is unlike M.E., whom you assert "she lost her job" "because she was judged based on a potentially harmless, but highly stigmatized uncommon mental state".

      But thank you for explaining yourself. It was very enlightening.

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    19. wow, eric, i don't get that at all. here's what she said: 'A few people in response to the book or blog have accused me of narcissistically wishing that the world would accommodate me and other sociopaths, rather than us adapting to the way the world already works. The funny thing about that suggestion is that adapting to a hostile environment is how I got here in the first place."

      and you think she's saying that because she adapted as a child she can no longer adapt? isn't the whole point about sociopaths that they are chameleons and constantly adapting to their environment? have you ever heard m.e. say something like she is not going to adapt to certain things and wants other people to accommodate her? and if so, what was the thing and the accommodation that she wanted?

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    20. "Adaption is not good enough"
      ..because it is too much an opportunistic adaption instead of a moral code. Similar to cholerics.

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    21. Ha, good one Erik. Misdirection so skillful that only you see what everyone else is to misdirected from seeing, right?

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    22. It is too easy to blame childhood. ME once said, she always felt to take part on something great during childhood. Isnt this feeling ypical for children and friends of narcissists?

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    23. The truth of the matter is that everyone adapts to their environment, and by environment I don't just mean the general social atmosphere but also the availability of resources (financially, mentally, emotionally.. all that jazz). There are times when there is simply no other path to take but to adapt, like being sent to prison or kidnapped for example.

      Erik, I'm not sure about the impression m.e. gave you and I won't dispute that, but I interpreted her words to mean that she simply wants to take away the stigma attached to the label, 'psychopath'. It's the label that causes so much grief to some unfortunates who were 'outed', then alienated by society.

      The same way those few readers instantly labelled m.e as narcissitic to that extent. She is, but it's probably more rooted in reality than something overly grandiose like everybody accepting everyone that has caused them grief in their lives. "Normal people are perfectly capable of doing harm to each other, and psychopaths shouldn't be blamed for everything that goes wrong." is what I think she meant the message to be. The label isn't important to those with open minds, but to others it's literally a personification of evil.

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    24. MR 17soontobe18 yr old socio
      I BELIEVE ERIK ANDERSON IS RIGHT. Ever noticed how most posts are about why sociopaths should be seen as superior, but never actually about what could be improved in us? In the end, narcissists would be the ones that don't question the blog, because as long as it makes us feel better about ourselves, as long as it assures our uniqueness, it mustn't be questioned, it must be defended. Like a fandom; how conventional. In case you were a truly intelligent, surely proud & capable sociopath you would question every single thing, no matter how flattering it seems. She aims for the crucial trait in Sociopaths thats their narcissism & need to belong (we've all felt different, rejected, misunderstood or ignored at some point in our lives; critical in diagnosing ASPD); the most capable minds are following hers. Doesn't it seem like such an opportune surprise? Dig a little deeper, if you truly consider yourself a competent sociopath. Analyze; analogize; judge; we are certainly able to do that if we indeed are all that. If we fail to recognize the truth in Eriks voice, it is predictable we are only looking for an external reassuring source of identity, because we believe sociopathy is the only thing that makes us different, 'superior', us. If you were a real independent sociopath, one that doesn't rely on anyone's judgement but his own, one who's mind isn't controlled by anything, and one SO clever he can see through everything, how could we not see the simplicity with which she can influence our minds & our self-perception? We can do better, why doesn't she show us how? We are her justification of why she doesn't overcome her sociopathy, we are her backup; 'I wouldn't be the only one, I have a fan club; so I can remain the same even though I know better'. I myself am a sociopath; my brain has always worked the same way it does now: I'm not affectionate; I don't trust anyone, I just pretend I do because it makes me feel normal; I'm eccentric & skeptical over the simplest things; I am smarter than average; I'm selfish & egoistical when I feel threatened; I'm a megalomaniac; I'm narcissistic; I am obsessive & I repel society, not the concept, but its actual state. You probably look up to all these 'advantageous' traits we note in Sociopaths -cunning, clever, independent, confident- but haven't you ever thought of what else these amazing abilities could be used for other than selfish purposes? I'm not saying sociopaths aren't all those things, I'm saying we are and we can still be greater; we can be bigger and so much more than ourselves alone. Why is it we only read about the self-centered kind of sociopath? because that's the kind of sociopath that created this thing. Truth is, she needs more of us than we do of her widespread reassurance.

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  9. Haven´t read about any famous psychos that had a "cosy" start in life, so this probably means the environment is like a school for such folks: if hostile they develop hostility and if it´s soft stuff maybe they never develop at all? If true its slightly alarming with the phase modern western society has entered with huge amount of folks getting "lessons" from society with no housing/no incomes, and the more saintly & unselfish a person is the less he´ll end up with. Some sort of everyday elementary school of psychopathy with the sign "Kind Is Stupid" above the entrace..

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  10. Great Book, " Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself", How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One, By, Dr. Joe Dispenza

    'Dr. Dispenza combines the fields of quantum physics,neuroscience, brain chemistry, biology,and genetics to show you what is truly possible."

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  11. There's one thing that empaths (not to be confused with neurotypicals) and psychopaths have in common: they've both been shaped by parental neglect.

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  12. This post strongly confirms my hunch that the more antisocial aspects of the sociopathic brain are cultivated as a defense against inappropriate emotional overreactions from adults who feel the need to "break" a child's will.

    ME's background could be a case study for the cultivation of the white collar criminal who knows to avoid getting caught committing a felony and is capable of conforming outwardly to polite society. Being connected to a set of moral guidelines a religion provides is like being given a cheat sheet for how to be perceived as a good person. Her Mormon upbringing likely kept her from becoming completely antisocial.

    That being said, having a hypocritical, narcissistic father who physically enforced his need for dominance likely shaped ME by instilling an unusual amount of buried rage and a need to compartmentalize her emotions to survive. She also saw the most powerful person in her life rely on a religious false self to escape criticism while he raised holy hell at home.

    If I had to put money on it I would say that ME's antisocial tendencies were not inevitable, but rather an adaptation to her environment. The brighter and more willful a person is the more successfully they become what they must so they maintain a sense of agency even when they are being dominated.

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    1. Dr. James Fallon springs to mind: good early environment, but still turns out to be an antisocial guy. he says he's never killed anyone, but if you know him and people like him, you know thry can cause a lot of suffering without doing things that get the cops called.

      Sure, you can say he's turned over a new leaf - at what, 60? But do you really know that?

      In any case, he's lived a long life of doing atypically bad things - he admits it. The tail end of his life might turn out a bit more normal, but if the guy had dropped dead a couple of years ago from a heart attack, you'd just say, "guy had bad genes, great environment, and he lived the life of a classic non-violent, high-functioning sociopath".

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    2. You born like monsters and the enviroment gets you worst.

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  13. So, castrate every last sick fuck, and finally put an end to this cycle of misery.

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    1. I agree 100%! At least I'm not the only one who uses "neutering" language. That cracks me up!

      MelissaR

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  14. ME is also thinking about the well-being of any potential off-spring she might have. That's thinking ahead for herself, any off-spring she may have, and other's too.

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  15. So if a sociopathic response to childhood trauma is "more efficient and powerful" start a sociopathic based trauma program for children of abuse vs a trauma informed care model.

    MelissaR

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  16. I often worry about how my own son is developing. He is a very bright 7 year old and can be very charming at times, but he is also prone to hair-trigger dramatic tantrums. This usually only occurs in the home with my wife and I. I see often how I don't help as I am a sociopath. Given a chance I will explode back at him. Sometimes I secretly and childishly enjoy this as the surge of emotion makes me feel alive. But it just throws fuel on the fire and I know I should f@cking grown up. I come down on him like a tonne of bricks and frighten the crap out of him with a loud booming voice. It's a power play. I'm the parent, I will win, you will be subservient to my will. But I have to think, at what price am I paying in the future for the way I respond to my child now. Also I know first hand that staying calm works best.

    Recently I was very ill and bed ridden for about a week. I did not have the strength to argue and yell. I only had the strength to be peaceful and quiet even when he was acting up. It made a huge difference to my son that week. I think even he noticed the difference and was some much better behaved and compassionate.

    On and off, over the years I have practiced meditation. It was really interesting to read the article recently about the parallels between Zen and the sociopathic mind. I could never call myself a Buddhist and my practise is very inconsistent. Sometimes I would go weeks or months without proper sitting meditation. I know my weakness and indulge in my desire for beer and wine to relax rather than calming my mind. Buddhism is a love/hate thing. I've very comfortable in my sociopathic skin and my inner demons are also my best friends and worst enemies. I wouldn't want it any other way,... except when I see that my son is becoming more like me.

    Parenting is largely role modelling, I forget this sometimes when I'm too wrapped up in my Self. Given also that sociopathy is both genetic and environmental I need to be extra mindful that he is strongly predisposed to the traits. Realistically it will be difficult for him to not become a sociopath. I at least wish him to use his talents for good rather than evil. It's my responsibility as a self aware sociopathic parent to nurture him towards being a academic/professional/business type than crime boss/ underworld figure with strong inclinations to violence. If I fail to rein in my "ïnner beast on the leash" then my son won't know how to control his own.

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    1. Anon 6:46,

      That's a very thought-provoking and seemingly well thought out reply. But you're right, your son has an uphill battle. If he makes it to twenty without being arrested or a drug/alcohol problem it will be a miracle.

      MelissaR

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    2. Thanks for your comment. Yes, I do see it as a long battle. Him being arrested would be quite a slap in the face for me, considering I'm also a Police officer. Again something I have to be mindful that he might do something stupid to get arrested just to heap shame on me. I've seen it before with some children of fellow officers. Hence I need to nurture his goodness and teach him how to self-restrain the bad.

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    3. Before you worry about your son getting arrested just to shame you, you should be more concerned about CPS knocking at your door. Now that he is getting older he will able to tell a teacher or counselor at school about the abuse he experiences at home. If that happens he will be more likely to be sheltered (removed) because you would be considered a high risk due to your job in law enforcement. And if he really is that smart he will call the child abuse hotline himself once he realizes you could be terminated from your job.

      MelissaR

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    4. F word Melissa, now the monster will abuse more the poor child to shout his mouth. He is very comfortable at his psycho skin, as he said. And he has funny watching his own son suffering. He is cleary a serial killer.

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    5. MelissaR, your statement is utterly ridiculous. Firstly, CPS are a toothless tiger. In my experience trying to get CPS involved in investigations where there is real physical and or sexual abuse or neglect is hard enough. Only when there is overwhelming evidence to support a prosecution, will they step up and remove a child from the home. Usually it is where both parents are culprits to the abuse. CPS do not and never will get involved in matters where parents yell at their children, in the privacy of their own home. It happens in most homes. CPS would need a annual budget larger that the defence forces combined to investigate your definition of "abuse".

      Secondly, I do not abuse my son. I love him, he is my flesh and blood. I'm not physically violent with him. Smacking does not work. Confiscating toys for a period has more affect and is the common consequence for his poor behaviour.

      The point I was trying to make was that, I have found trying to keep myself calm when my son is raging works best. Now whilst many parents get in a row and a screaming match with their children, most people who have experienced this as a part of there upbringing, do not turn into sociopaths. Otherwise there would be a great deal more of us in the world.

      The problem is that being a sociopath is largely innate and hardwired. There are strong genetic factors to it. My father is one and my fathers mother was one. Coupled with environmental factors, (like growing up in a house with one) will inevitably elicit more traits. Whilst I'm largely self aware of my own character, I still find it hard to tame the beast within myself. At work its a bonus for me to come across as authoritarian towards criminals. Its almost expected. At home however I feel I take on the same role at times, partly I think as my wife likes playing the good guy and happy to use me as a threat to our son. "Do as your are told, or i'll get your father". ... ever heard that one before.

      There is great benefit for a sociopath to learn calmness and teach it to their children. It won't stop them being a sociopath, but will make them more functional, i.e. heart surgeon rather than serial killer, Soldier/Police officer rather than street thug or Bikie.

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    6. Strive to be the best parent ever. Like... I donno family (whatever that means to you) is the most important thing... either family or friendship whichever means most to you. But be a good parent you will feel good about it.

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    7. Like the most important relationship is how you parent your self.

      Delete
  17. Funny to see you psychos crying to be watched like human beings. It's really disgusting. Aberrations, you will never be part of us. When we make mistakes, like kill or lie, it's nothing similar than the movie you make in your dirty minds conecting scenes in a mute film, if you know what I mean. After an experience with one or two like you, is impossible to see any poetry coming from your words.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry for this comment. I see that you have something similar than feelings. I was talking in general. But why do you decided to have a child?

      Delete
  18. So cool to hear all the people I wish I could emulate exchanging clever banter. Ended up a Narcissist who wished he was a sociopath. Please take a moment to enjoy the irony.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why not be normal instead? Have someone break down your narcissism and voila

      Delete
    2. Anon 11:23,

      Turn that frown upside down! It's never too late. Never give up on your dreams!

      MelissaR

      Delete
    3. lol @ Melissa

      Delete
  19. The law student here again.

    Your score for primary psychopathy was higher than 89.78% of people who have taken this test.

    Your score for secondary psychopathy was higher than 86.46% of people who have taken this test.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What type of law do you wish to practice?

      MelissaR

      Delete
  20. As I write these words it is 6:50 AM EST. I come to this site and
    find out that M.E. has not yet posted her message for the new
    day. I DON'T LIKE THAT!
    I realize that M.E. is only human, and ALL lives contain distraction,
    but I don't like it when MY M.E. doesn't behave in a predictible
    manner! Suppose one day we come here and find there is no M.E.?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe she's doing another blog behind your back.

      Delete
    2. Maybe there was a technical malfunction

      Delete
  21. It is no longer amusing! I don't know the half of what people can
    do with computers! The technology even exists for a person to
    believe that their posts are getting through and nobody else sees
    them! This is unaccptable!
    I would NEVER hurt M.E.! It just so happens that I love her!
    Hopelessly out of reach, but she's EVERYTHING you'd want in a girl.
    Some of you young guys, for crying out loud step up!
    Take good care of my baby!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wait....are you a guy? I always thought you were a woman say in her 50's.

      Delete
  22. To the author of the text: Do you feel something (like rage, sadness) when you think about your "not so traumatic traumas", or you don't really feel anything at all?

    ReplyDelete

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