Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Coversation with a sociopath (?) (part 2)

D.R.: I have always considered myself different from others. Not weird, just advanced. I see the consequences of their actions before they do, and while they often ignore the advice they ask me for, I find I'm usually a good predictor at how things will turn out. I never got enraged when things turned out negatively because I saw it coming and they were warned. It didn't surprise me. i feel like i have already written about my ability to "see the future," but looking at the past blogs, i can't find where. anyway, welcome to the club. Pleasure to be here. I assume my membership card is on its way. There are a few exceptions, and I find I react negatively out of wounded pride. I don't like to be wrong; it doesn't happen often. When it does, I become irritated. I may or may not lash out depending on whom I blame for the mistake. If I see where I made my error, I correct it and move on. If I don't, I am a very angry woman, and I can say some very hurtful things. I did this more often when I was younger, finding that guilt trips worked wonderfully on my peers when I needed something or when I simply felt betrayed. But then, shouldn't you feel guilty if you betray me? I'm fiercely loyal to those I care about, and I expect the same in return. What goes around, comes around.

M.E.: Yeah... that is a belief typically held, but not exclusively so, by the empathy-challenged.

D.R.: But I didn't have a criminal childhood or anything. It never really occurred to me that I could. If I did what I was supposed to do, I wouldn't get punished. If I got bruises for talking too loud in a library as a toddler, I wasn't going to find out what would happen if I shoplifted. I find I must actively remind myself of the consequences. I did have a few problems at school, (one that actually landed me in "counseling") but nothing necessarily criminal.

M.E.: Same here

D.R.: I've also never thought of myself as emotionally inept. I feel outraged at things that I do not like.

M.E.: Morally outraged?

D.R.: No, more like a child who didn't get their way. But there are things like child abuse and trafficking I have problems with. Children don't know any better, and many are too weak to help themselves anyway. I'm not particularly stirred up by what is happening but that someone believes they are entitled to do it. I'm not a fan of bullies.

M.E.: Ha, me neither.

D.R.: I have what I consider to be a moral code that has evolved with time and knowledge. I believe in God, that his son and self Jesus is the savior (regardless of the haters who have nothing better to do than worry about how I decide what is right and wrong as if I care about their opinions), and that he has a set of rules (or guidelines as I tend to think of them) for living a healthy, happy life in a FALLEN world. What I mean by that is: the world is now defective; this is how you handle it until I fix it. I don't think the same rules always apply just as they changed from Old Testament to New. Mine is not to judge; it's to deal with what's in front of me the best I can.

M.E.: I'm religious too, actually. I did a post on this.

D.R.: Yes, I remember reading it. This is actually how I stumbled upon your blog. I am what I call happy when things go well for me and mine. I am aggravated when they do not. I am not sad usually...not like I see other people be sad.

M.E.: I did another post on this, negative emotions.

D.R.: I'm not prone to crying; only in times of great frustration with no other outlet do tears shed. They last a minute, maybe two, and all traces of crying are gone. I think: what's the point? What do the tears do? Will they call my fairy godmother to take me to the Palace and get my glass slipper? No, they'll make my face wet and my throat dry. That's unpleasant. I hate crying. I can't handle it. I don't know what to say or do because I just don't feel it and I know I'll make it worse. Sad for me is what others call melancholy. I get bored, very easily. this is a socio trait. And in my current living situation, there is not a lot of time to "go out." I don't feel like I'm missing out on a chance to socialize; just that I'm bored and I need to build my network so I have more options next time I'm bored. Boredom=sadness for me.

M.E.: Yeah, just someone said something like this in the comments in the negative emotions post.


  1. Interesting follow-up. Concerning religion - I wonder if m.e. and d.r. are grateful to be religious because of the set of rules that come with it, making it easier to navigate the social world? Or could it be that religions tend to come with rather clearly drawn-out consequences for those who fail to adhere to their particular moral codes? I'm personally not religious, but I do consider myself an agnostic, meaning that in the back of my head there's always a lingering doubt as to whether my actions, words or thoughts will necessarily benefit me in the longer perspective.

    That is to say, when confronted with a choice between "good" and, uh, "not that good" ("evil" is such a strong word...) I've often found myself asking the question: "will I go to hell for this?"

    I don't think I've ever done anything damnation-worthy though. I tend to lie casually and lead a life of moderate-to-severe turmoil. The laws I brake are those of men and thus completely arbitrary, as most of you will probably agree. But that threat of eternal damnation, so ingeniously programmed into men, is something I find rather difficult to shake.

  2. This all sounds well and good but I recall other posts that discuss the enjoyment in breaking hearts. Isn't breaking a heart the ultimate form of bullying? Well, maybe that would be murder of the soul or of the entity. But isn't breaking a heart up there. Why do it? Because they deserved it somehow? To see which way one takes it? And if one takes it to self destruction. Doesn't seem very nice to me. One could say, well, when I got to ramble that's what I have to do and if a broken heart is the result then that is just reality. But again there is enjoyment at that reality as some have expressed. Perhaps if they really loved you in your view they would accept that you are just done now and want something else and would wish you the best?

    Or is this all just one big ink blot and what we see is examined and then comes more lol.

  3. Aspie, you need to understand that anything M.E. does is just, because his thoughts are more or less the word of God. If he does it, then it's "right," so it can't be bullying. 'Course, M.E. will say there's no such thing as right or wrong, but that's not true. There's right as in correct and worthy of praise, and wrong as in incorrect and worthy of disdain. When M.E. bullies, he's "right." When others bully, they're "wrong." I'm sure there's a host of rationalizations to back this up, but that's what it boils down to. The rationalizations of others carry no weight with Mr. M.E. as they don't share his exact worldview. Hence, they're bullies.

  4. I couldnt believe my eyes when reading this...I felt as if someone was reading my diary. I can TOTALLY relate to D.R. I have always chalked my fits of rage when I dont get my way to being "spoiled". And as for child trafficking and such. Im sort of a hypocrite. I enjoy porn which many of my peers were disturbed by as Im a woman but I become enraged and hyper protective of children. Ive always asserted," don't hurt the children! They are so innoncent." Yet I seem to be able to imagine or watch (via movies, tv, etc.) the same atrocities to adults. Maybe Im warped. Lol

  5. Interesting interview. One of the socios I know claims she is a Christian and quotes scripture to those she thinks are religious but she only quotes a very few verses. I often wondered how religion/Christianity fit into the sociopathworld.

  6. i relate to d.r.'s comment about being able to see how things will turn out.

  7. Where's Birdick when you need him???
    Or thunderball...lol..


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