Wednesday, July 31, 2013

The sick and the dying (part 1)

A reader asks:

I would be very interested in knowing how a sociopath deals with illness and old age. I am an RN and have cared for many a sociopath in my day (without knowing it). As I mentioned in previous emails my father is sociopathic. He is now in his 80's and a very miserable person to be around. He hates the fact that he is growing feeble, like we all will/do but his behavior is not the norm.

There seems to be no way to interact with him that does not turn out be a disaster. If I show my empathy and caring, he finds something to put a wedge between us. For example, the last time, I tried to talk to him about his physical health he threw in my face my teenage years and how I was not there for him during a difficult time. He let me know that he gave up on me at that time and that he had no use for me. If I ignore his ailments, he gets angry because no one understands or cares. It obvious that he feels quite less than everyone else and he makes little effort now to communicate with others with the exception of his wife who has devoted her life to him. I have not seen my father in almost 4 years.


I am wondering what is the best way to deal with an ailing sociopath. When sociopaths are faced with life-threatening illness and require hospitalization, do they look for empathy from others? Do the games stop even then or do they continue to manipulate people with a feeling of enjoyment? How does a sociopath think, feel and behave in times of such extreme vulnerability such as a terminal or life threatening illness along with the perils of aging?

54 comments:

  1. I am pretty sure he just doesn't care enough to put a front up. He's obviously going to die soon, and he understands that, so he probably sees no point in manipulating anyone any more - he doesn't have to be "nice". Besides, the only thing he has control over now is you; the power to hurt you probably gives him some comfort. If you really want to make him happier, just talk back to him. He'll insult you more, and get more comfort from the fact that you are made powerless by your own empathy.

    Your definition of sociopathy here seems to be "mind games but a good person deep down". Psychopaths are not good or bad. They are simply neutral. Nothing you can say can truly make him feel better, and nothing can make him feel worse, because the only person he really trusts is himself - your opinion, and your help are completely worthless, because he also views you as worthless.

    You say things like "put a wedge between us". The wedge was there from the start - you cannot feel what he feels, and you cannot empathise with him because his brain is fundamentally different from yours. You are like a dog, a social, pack hunter, trying to understand a cat, an asocial lone predator. The best way to deal with an ailing psychopath is to leave them alone, or to some extent, find them something they might find interesting. Empaths hate it when they are not loved; Sociopaths hate it when they are bored.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Empaths hate it when they are not loved; sociopaths hate it when they are bored."

      Agree. Do Malignant Narcissists hate boredom, also?

      Delete
    2. To me, there is a thin line between sociopaths and malignant narcissists

      Delete
    3. Some empaths don't hate it when they're not loved. Eg : INTP/INTJs/ENTJs. These personalities don't really care about feeling. But, the difference between these rational types and Sociopaths is that Rationals hates it when they're being hated. Sociopaths don't care about being hated.
      (Rationalists possesses empathy too.)
      BTW, both empaths and sociopaths hates boredom.

      Delete
  2. sociopathicsociopathpathJuly 28, 2010 at 11:23 AM

    *clap clap clap clap*

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's really simple, if your father was there for you when you needed to be taken care of, you owe it to him to be there for him when hes old. If he wasn't there for you when you needed him, then you owe him nothing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True, just throw the money right into his face and walk away. He'll still be happy.

      Delete
  4. How does a sociopath think, feel and behave in times of [...]

    There really is no catch-all answer to this. People think, feel, and behave according to who they are, not what they are labeled as.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The games stop when there is no more to gain. That is all. Being old or physically helpless does not mean one can't stil manipulate.
    Your reaction may be all he is capable of getting now. But if it is enough to make him happy, the game won't stop.
    Being faced with death makes no difference. At least not to me. Death is just another fact of life. It is as it is. Accept reality and see there is no good or bad or mystical value, just facts.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is a great post I wish there were more on this topic! Everyone is focused on youth, what happens later?? Recently I was reminded that I would die alone because of my lifestyle etc and taunted about it but all it did was make me laugh and admit it was probably true. I admitted that I really didn't care and never did. I lived the life I wanted and thats the price!! I am not that young but I still look it, hope this may help others!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Has anyone witnessed an aging spath settle into a seemingly "loving" marriage with a woman as equally immature/self centered as he is? Also, they are now playing loving grandparents to young granddaughters, although he was a monster in the lives of our daughters, the eldest has forgiven him and has a close relationship with them, even letting them babysit (which makes me horrified). He has turned into a whining, paranoid, hypochondriac.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happening to me right now: you are not alone. My spath father simply stated that 'he is getting old and needs someone to take care of him so he proposed'. She knows he is a lifelong liar/cheater but I guess she thinks his money will make up for it. I don't see it lasting even with that inducement as he can be very cruel if she annoys him in some way...

      Delete
  8. I would like to pose a basic question to some of the non-sociopaths who
    visit this site. Sociopaths are also welcome to answer.
    If, one day you tried to acess this web site and found nothing but a blank
    screen, would it bother you? In other words; Do you enjoy this site? Does
    it add something to your day?
    The reason I ask this is because I've seen a lot of animosity directed at
    M.E. lately, plenty of critisim.
    You know, in her book M.E. prides herself on being "one of the guys" She
    speaks about her agressive, masculine nature and how she can certainly
    excell in "a man's world. (Though it's not much of a man's world anymore.)
    She definately gives the impression of a person who can stand plenty of
    heat, a very sturdy rugged person.
    But I have no doubt that M.E. does share the same emotions we all do.
    She is NOT an unfeeling "Mr. Spock" type. Even Mr. Spock had feelings.
    That was the actual purpose of putting him on the show; to show, under
    the surface he had feelings.
    I only learned to use a computer 6 mounths ago. Before that I read
    mountains of books and watched "realevent" T.V. shows. I know I don't
    know much, but I do know that SociopathWorld is the higest quality web
    site I've seen since using the computer. If it would suddenly be yanked
    I WOULD miss it. When I look at the absolute trash on the internet it
    would leave a void if this site were to suddenly "dissapear."
    I know this site can't last forever. Nothing does. But, I would hate to
    see this site leave before it's time.
    If M.E. truly is a sociopath she's going to get bored and go on to fresher pastures. But please don't disrespect M.E. Realize that you're
    talking to a human being who takes pride in her work. If this website
    was my "baby," I know I wouldn't like some the harsh comments directed
    at it. Please tone done some of the creul comments or present them in a
    different way.
    It can't be easy to be M.E. If you would have to live a "hidden" life
    you wouldn't like it either. And M.E. (to the best of my knowledge)
    hasn't comitted any crime to merit having to hide. She has some daunting
    questions to consider: Does she continue in limbo? Does she get fed up
    and just quit. Where does she go from here?
    I'm not telling you how to live your lives. I'm just saying, be a bit
    more appreaciative. Don't pile on M.E. You won't always have her to kick
    around.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Don't pile on M.E. You won't always have her to kick
      around."

      HA! That's exactly why we should pile on ME...

      Delete
    2. Get a life kid.

      Delete
    3. "He has turned into a whining, paranoid, hypochondriac. " So now just a harmless neurotic. How nice for the wifey. Hope he can still fuck?

      Delete
  9. anon, imagine you had a blog, would it really bother you if some complete stranger attacked or tried to insult you?

    I may have noticed your earlier comment on this topic or your protection instinct. Which here exhibits a slightly egoistical component. Understand what I mean? If I am correct, the responses were pretty stereotypical, I doubt she bothered about it, if she at all paid attention.

    If she really was worried she could consider to block IP's or only allow in subscribers. But it could well be she does not even want to pay much attention or censor in any way. At least it looks like that to me, if she did she wouldn't offer you the Anonymous option. I am a web dinosaur myself and a reader.

    If she has to, she will move on to something else, just like everyone else. The world is big, you shouldn't worry about finding some new oasis or someone else that will manage to serve you daily topics to meditate on and occasionally chat a little.

    ReplyDelete
  10. "AnonymousJuly 31, 2013 at 3:58 AM" - The inner workings of us have some amount og informational and entertainment value to me personally. This is displayed here in this website. Several personal experiences with group mentality and a repeating experience of seeing normal functioning individuals failure to assess and think accurately regardless of obvious facts have set me to relate to many a piece of information stated here on the website. This culminates in a learning and maturation experience where I process information found here as a part of this process.

    The duality of humnanity and the duality I find in myself makes this process ambiguous and playful. I like the truths confessed here, and many of the observations conveyed on this website, but that are never expressed in my local surroundings. I guess it is true that empaths are some what blind to the truths that sociopaths see and abuse. It is unavoidable to feel disgust for our lack of information processing ability.

    You wrote: "It can't be easy to be M.E. If you would have to live a "hidden" life you wouldn't like it either"
    - You can find her on the Dr. Phil show. Obviously no that hidden.

    Just so happened that I poke to a friend of mine recently, and told him: "manipulation is for girls, gives me no satisfaction. I want to physically overpower my oponent and feel his despair when I injure him." He answered: "yup, mee too, manipulation is for girls."
    I see no difference between us and other empaths, other then that we propably are better at evaluating information then the norm and are not as easily blinded by emotional fiction. We both used to do these fights when we were younger. I know alot of "boys" that did this, and I still want it very much.

    You guys got it all wrong. You are just a bunch of girlies.. ;) and the people you manipluate are idiotic weaklings. Its just a shame that most people are idiotic weaklings under the right circumstances, and many still all the time regardless of circumstances.

    ReplyDelete
  11. It obvious that he feels quite less than everyone else and he makes little effort now to communicate with others with the exception of his wife who has devoted her life to him. I have not seen my father in almost 4 years.

    "his wife" gives me the impression she is not your mother. Did your parents separate? Does your mother still live? Is she dead or did she leave him?

    ReplyDelete
  12. While not terminal, I was once incapacitated for a few months with a potentially life-threatening illness that required around-the-clock supervision. This illness and the associated treatment robbed me of the ability to work, to drive; to be self-sufficient. I think that last item gets at the core of the problem that arises with the sociopath when the time has come or may be coming.

    I had to rely on friends and family for everything. Although I may manipulate and charm to get what I want from others as a means, in and of itself, to be self-sufficient, not being able to stand on my own feet was devastating. As such, I turned up the manipulation tenfold in order to compensate for that loss of my own physical capabilities.

    Empathy from others serves two purposes for me when I am in a rough patch. First, it feeds my narcissism as others are concerned about me. Second, and more importantly, truly emotional empathy can be used as a weapon against the empathizer. Pity opens one up for immediate manipulation by the sociopath. Because they feel bad for you, they are less apt to realize your intentions while you are in a pitied state; they want to believe that you are as vulnerable as they believe you to be (which you very well might be). To this end, I desperately want empathy from others whenever I can; especially when ill.

    I suspect that is the state I will be in when I am in the final stages of life. I will be distressed by the imminent non-existence, but I will also realize that I can have anything I want as I lay dying. Incapacitation is an inconvenience, but it is one that can be exploited while it lasts.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Can only speak for myself - pcl range of 16 to 22. If I'm sick I want to be alone and am just tetchy with everyone because when my head is fucked it is harder to concentrate on the mask, and also I want them to fuck off.

    ReplyDelete
  14. "For example, the last time, I tried to talk to him about his physical health he threw in my face my teenage years and how I was not there for him during a difficult time. He let me know that he gave up on me at that time and that he had no use for me."

    What a douche… let him fade into oblivion. What the reader was looking for is a personal feeling. Something the father just can not give. He does not want what the reader is offering. Seems rather cut and dry to me.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Tatiana CovingtonAugust 1, 2013 at 5:33 PM

    My strategy is entirely different. I plan to stop my aging completely by 2050 or so. I have also signed up to be frozen.

    Everyone else is just meekly accepting aging.

    Not I.

    Read

    http://bioinformatics.psb.ugent.be/pdf/publications/20160708.pdf

    to see why cells stop dividing. Vitamins B3, C, and E destroy the very same ROS as cause this problem.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Refused to go the bigPharma route. Read the side effects and you shall know why.

      Having ingested 1000 the 500 mg daily doses of Niacinamide has resulted in negative HIV test outcomes for over five years now. Got the idea after reading niacinamide is the cure for feline HIV.

      Do not take any more niacinamide, one gets really tired of taking pills, and I am still negative. Live like I did prior to the illness without any sign of having been ill. It was pretty bad, day fever and heavy sweating, if I forgot a few days of niacinamide, would remind me I was sick. Within half an hour of ingesting the niacinamide the fever and sweat would be gone.

      Nobody would believe me so I do not bother informing others. But this is fact so Tatiana you may be on to something.

      Delete
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