Thursday, February 16, 2012

Like father, like daughter (part 3)

My response:


I'm actually amazed that you have intuited so well how best to deal with your daughter.  I always advise parents of sociopathic leaning children to stay extremely consistent, don't get emotional, don't be critical to the extent that they feel like you are rejecting them or will reject who they are, don't punish -- incentivize and make the child see what's in it for them.

I think that sociopaths (particularly young ones) actually feel happier and thrive better in a world of clearly defined boundaries and rules that are so consistently enforced, the child will just start to take them as a given.  I think having simple cause and effect rules/boundaries that have clear and predictable outcomes for acceptance/violation encourages the young sociopath to think of life as an interesting puzzle that can be gamed.  As long as the young sociopath believes that he or she can acquire some advantage through skillful planning and execution (and finds some measure of success, which I feel is almost a given), they will stay committed to the structure of the game you have set up.  It's why sociopaths can be ruthless businessmen fiercely defending the principles of capitalism.

The worst thing that parents can do is to be inconsistent.  It makes the child sociopath think that the game is rigged and it doesn't matter what he or she does, except to the extent that he or she can outcheat the cheater (the parent).  Other big mistakes are being emotional (it's insulting to the child and he or she will lose respect for you).  If you react emotionally and negatively to the child, the child will perceive it as a clear betrayal and one that will instantly dissipate any trust in the relationship.

This is a very important topic you have raised.  Would you allow me to publish this exchange?  I can redact out any information that you believe is too personal.

125 comments:

  1. This is a repost of the text from yesterday

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  2. I am just sitting here! On My Ipod! Just sitting here waiting for a decent post. I could have my laptop sitting on my lap in my sunny bathroom taking my morning shit, with the sun -ON My BACK.

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  3. "She has a natural confidence that I do not want destroyed."

    This parent is smart. The kid is lucky.

    Narc parents make the mistake of crushing a child's individuality to the point the kid wants to scream just to be heard.

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  4. Good job with the spring cleaning ME, that's just about all of them now.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, after 4 years of having a blog, I've tired of actual sociopaths commenting here. I only want BPDs, Co-Deps, and Narcs now. Carry on with the good work, Watcher. You are my favorite servant. ;)

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  5. I like the picture of the Scrabble letters, ME.

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    Replies
    1. Those arent scrabble letters, ya fucking retard.

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    2. What are they, Big Shot? Some other game?

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    3. "Big Shot". How funny you should say that. I keep seeing one of the retarded anons say that too.

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  6. Losing UKan and that deplorable wife of his is NO GREAT LOSS lmfao

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  7. Did Ukan leave for a reason? Just curious

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  8. The fucking authorities were after than fucking big mouth

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  9. Blast from the Past
    Multiple Orgasm Series he he
    Theme Song for Eden/Raven

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  10. Do I could as Edan Themes?

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  11. Could? What that means?

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  12. I find this quite interesting. Also a lot of what M.E. says:

    "The worst thing that parents can do is to be inconsistent.", "Other big mistakes are being emotional (it's insulting to the child and he or she will lose respect for you). If you react emotionally and negatively to the child, the child will perceive it as a clear betrayal and one that will instantly dissipate any trust in the relationship."

    This is true for all children. Consistency and fair treatment. Someone has to be the adult in the relationships and it's not going to be the child. If you're inconsistent and reactive, that's exactly what you'll teach your child and that is exactly how they will end up being.

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    1. Great observation, Haven. I've found that by researching how best to approach my own at-risk daughter, that these are simply good parenting techniques.

      My three-year old daughter exhibits no sociopathic traits that I can see, yet. She is quite charming, very decisive about what she wants, and does show signs of manipulating others. But I don't see how this is very different from any other bright child. She is terribly sensitive and gets her feelings hurt easily. In this respect, she very much takes after me.

      I still use this approach with her and am finding that this type of parenting builds confidence and esteem in my daughter, as well as an increasing ability to manage her own world. And who wouldn't want that for their child, socipathic or not?

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  13. This blog has been reduced to Erins, Alteregos and randoms.

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    Replies
    1. Many of these blogs are run by bored people stuck at home with a health issue. So it is not surprising. Welcome to the net!

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    2. UKan got what was coming to him. Ever hear of Instant Karma ha ha

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    3. UKan has been in the forum.

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  14. The people who say a kid can't be a sociopath are correct. Calling a kid a sociopath is like removing every single quantum path the kid could have taken in life and removed them all but one. As I keep saying forever and ever, empathy is LEARNED and that doesn't usually start happening until the kid is over 5.

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    Replies
    1. Do you think it is possible for a sociopath to LEARN empathy?

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    2. They could never be diagnosed as a sociopath if they had empathy, so no. 30 or over on the PCL-R or they are not a sociopath.

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    3. Yes, they can be taught empathy. Just like Tigers can be taught to BE a Zebra.

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    4. It's like a millionaire torching all his money and living in the woods.

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    5. I've said this over and over again, also. There are no sociopathic children. There are only predispositions. I completely agree with you & get tired of hearing that children are born sociopathic or "evil."

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  15. You can't teach someone something that the brain is not capable of processing.

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    1. Yes you can. You can teach a retarded person to BE a genius.

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    2. You can teach someone to Act a certain way, but you can't teach them to BE a certain way.

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    3. Yes you can, Haven. Alterego is no longer a sociopath. She had learned empathy. There is proof right there in the pudding. People CAN be something different they just have to want it bad enough.

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    4. I can't teach my cock to be a pussy.

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    5. Alter ego appears to have learned to temper her actions with an increased awareness of self. I've never heard her say she feels empathy, only that she describes how she responds appropriately.

      People can change. It's what I work so hard to do. But it doesn't mean you can develop a sensory experience where none exists.

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    6. it doesn't take a social scientist to realize that sociopath has become a twisted fad lately. shows such as dexter and sherlock have presented the idea of skewed and noble sociopath and vast amounts of people have bought into the fad. that's why we need to question these people claiming to be sociopaths. who said they were a sociopath before dexter and sherlock? nobody did.

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    7. Yes you can. God can change you. He can give you sensory experience where there is none.

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    8. @haven

      alterego isn't a sociopath. sociopaths don't give a crap how their behaviors affects others and they are smart enough to realize that assholes get ahead.

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    9. ::sigh:: God doesn't exist. This argument is over. I have no desire to waste my breathe on someone like you.

      The 'belief in God' can make someone desire change, but it's a personal choice to act in that way.

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    10. Alterego WAS a sociopath. God saved her soul, and now she is NOT a sociopath. The grace of God CAN save you, if, you will let it.

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    11. The only reason one would want to change their behavior if it isn't affecting them personally, is empathy. Sociopaths have zero ability to empathize and they believe that it makes them better than "soft" people.

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    12. False. A person would want to change their behavior if they viewed a greater personal benefit to acting in a different manner.

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    13. Sociopaths have /limited/ ability to empathize. It's not always zero. These things lay on a spectrum.

      And just because they believe it makes them better than other people, doesn't make it true.

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    14. Hence, why i said if it affects them on a PERSONAL level. The sociopath won't care if their behavior is causing others distress, health issues or even death. People without empathy keep abusing and abusing because they have nothing telling them to stop.

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    15. Haven
      I am going to just agree to disagree. I believe God can change a sociopath into an empath. That is what I believe. You are free to believe what you believe. That is what I believe.

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    16. @Haven

      # Glibness/superficial charm
      # Grandiose sense of self-worth
      # Pathological lying
      # Cunning/manipulative
      # Lack of remorse or guilt
      # Emotionally shallow
      # Callous/lack of empathy

      # Failure to accept responsibility for own actions

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    17. Hello Frankfurt =)

      Anon... I know the DSM requirements. Thanks. All personality disorders, like the individuals that have them, have some room for deviation. It's the same with BPD. The DSM says a whole lot of things but how an individual expresses each trait varies.

      @Anon that is probably Erin. Do what you want.

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    18. as long as you don't think i am erin, haven.

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    19. I would never think such a think of you frankfurt ;)

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    20. thank you haven ;)

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    21. "I believe God can change a sociopath into an empath. That is what I believe."

      No, that is merely what you wish to be true. Stop trying to be a saviour, especially for people who don't want or need it. It's selfish.

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    22. God hasn't turned me into an empath. Nature wired my brain differently, and nurture ensured that the genetically loaded gun pointed at my head fired. I can accept that now. God made and loves me exactly as I am, and will use me in proportion to my trust and faith in Him.

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    23. Alterego
      God uses each person's talents and pains, all for His Glory.

      Delete
  16. Hey yo!

    I'm here to stay, i'm here to play and i'm here to pra-Oh hell naw!

    Pray is for da weak and little high school geeks.

    I spit on gods face, whilst winning a charity race.

    So wont you talk to my shizzle, whilst I take whizzle.

    I see you looking fiiiine, and start to rhyme my rhyme.

    Where did the peeps go, yo? Now this place blow, ho.

    Daddy Issues, mommy issues? Someone hand me the tissues.

    Beeps, beep and narcs weep. Nostalgia for da other seeds.

    Post dwellers and forum suckas. What happened to the other fuckas?

    Behind every bush? Or a bush in every hide?

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    Replies
    1. Sounds like TNP, one of very few sociopaths I've had the pleasure of sparring with here. I am diluted juice, by comparison. :)

      Delete
  17. Alter's only lable consists of most four letter words. Usually containing a 'ck' at the end.

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    Replies
    1. When you try to dis someone, you should try to make some sort of sense.

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    2. LMFAO Good Point

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  18. Who needs the sociopaths here to have a good blog? We are doing just fine without them. People still have opinions.

    We are still having constructive debates about the posts. Everyone is still talking to each other, but with respect, and with kindness. Everyone has moved on without even noticing the absence of those animals.

    I personally like it better now that it is cleaned up from all the filth. God is working his miracles here through my brothers and sister in Christ. Our goal was to make this place more Godlike, and we are succeeding.

    Now you will see what God can do.
    Who here agrees with me? Take your stand. Say it loud and say it proud! :)

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  19. Who needs the sociopaths here to have a good blog? We are doing just fine without them. People still have opinions.

    We are still having constructive debates about the posts. Everyone is still talking to each other, but with respect, and with kindness. Everyone has moved on without even noticing the absence of those animals.

    I personally like it better now that it is cleaned up from all the filth. God is working his miracles here through my brothers and sister in Christ. Our goal was to make this place more Godlike, and we are succeeding.

    Now you will see what God can do.
    Who here agrees with me? Take your stand. Say it loud and say it proud! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Everyone is still talking to each other, but with respect, and with kindness."

      I guess you missed all the trolls and anonymouses that are about 80% of posts lately.

      "Everyone has moved on without even noticing the absence of those animals."

      Yeah, that's why "Edan" and UKan and Missus are mentioned every three posts.

      Delete
    2. Eden is just a turd. People can talk about bowel movements and still be glad they got flushed away

      Ukan is funny as Hell that the cops got him lmfao

      Missus is just like a mole on UKan.

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    3. If you are going to continue to pretend that you are not Ami, I would think you would at least think to use a different descriptor besides "turd".

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    4. Ami was not the only one who thought Eden was a turd I'm sure most people do lol

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    5. Does Ami have copyright on the name turd? If so, send her royalties he he

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    6. God wouldn't want you referring to people as 'animals' just because their brain operates in a different way. If you're a Christian, ACT like one.

      So what's the story behind Ukan, anyway? I figured he just disappeared like a lot of the other regulars.

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    7. I don't know WHO you think you are talking to.

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    8. Ukan got what was coming to him. Calling him an animal is very mild to what he really is.

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    9. The implication behind the original post was that sociopaths in general are animals, something that I disagree with wholeheartedly. I'm not a fan of sweeping generalizations. And Ukan is definitely not an animal or a demon or whatever. He's a human being. He acts like a narcissistic asshole, sure, but that doesn't make him any less human. And you definitely don't have to be a sociopath to be an asshole.

      And seriously, what DID happen to him? I haven't been reading the comments the past couple of days, did I miss something?

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    10. Ukan brought "karma" down on his head, just from what he did to people on here, not counting being a drug dealer. He is too stoopid to learn. I don't feel sorry for him. He brought it on himself.

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    11. Nothing happened to him. He's still around. Ami is just making up stuff.

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    12. Oh, I'm not sorry for him if he got arrested for drug dealing. But honestly, if all he did was attack people in the comments? Ehhh. I've seen 13 year olds on YouTube that were nastier than him. It's the internet; anonymity and lack of consequences turns 90% of the population into assholes.

      I have to say, though, that Ukan's lovers' spats with Dave will be sorely missed.

      Delete
    13. You don't fuck with people's kids, like he did with Luke and Ami.

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    14. Ukan wrote to all of Luke's wife's friends talking trash about Luke. He put up pictures of Luke's crippled son. What happens to Ukan, he deserves.

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    15. Man, I missed all that stuff. Poor Luke. :(

      But behavior like Ukan's is not uncommon on the internet, at all. Anonymity can be a great thing, but it can open the door to people treating others like trash and getting away with it. It's a double-edged sword.

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    16. UKan has been in the forum. He didn't go anywhere.

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    17. Personally I miss Ukan. You people seem to have gotten soft since he left.

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    18. Of course YOU miss him, Turk. You are Eden.

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    19. The point with Ukan is that he WILL get what is coming to him. The larger issue is "Will we be there to enjoy seeing it?" he he

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    20. GOOD GOD PEOPLE! A whole comment thread dedicated to hating on UKan and Eden?? Move on with your lives, peeps! They finally get the fuck on, and you people can't stop talking about them. Are you hoping to bait them back??? Stop talking about them and get a new topic!

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    21. They say there is a fine line between love and hate. hahaha. Here is the proof.

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    22. I see people who are rejoicing in the Lord God, that the animals I spoke of, are leaving this place. Now they can come together, and discuss ways to heal from the wounds these monsters have inflicted on them.

      I, for one, am looking forward to the time when they see how strong we are without them, and that even when they are gone, we will still be here.

      When/if they come back, we will charge at them with the mighty word of God, and they will be defeated.

      They will surely perish, as the Lord will not stand long, and watch them do their bad deeds. Every sinner must pay the ultimate price. They will pay in suffering and eternal damnation. :)

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    23. You don't sound like a very good Christian. :(

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    24. Don't presume to know who will suffer eternal damnation, sister Christian. That is for God alone to judge.

      This is not a forum for the "victims of monsters" to heal, it is one of very few places where individuals with aspd spectrum disorders may speak freely. I, for one, value that.

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    25. Sister Christian is someone fooling around.

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    26. Gee anon, ya think?

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    27. If you wish for them to speak so freely, then why do you cast them aside when they do, Alterego? Because just like me, you despise their true voices.

      I do not wish to see the truth of their ugly faces. Let them keep their masks on if they should come here. Let them show some manners and respect for M.E., who is a superior example of how a sociopath SHOULD act, if they must be seen in public.

      Animals like UKan, Missus, Eden, TCO etc. should be banned from this site. They are nothing but the ugliness of the worst kind of human filth.

      God looks down on these kinds of creatures, and it is our job as Christians to cast them aside. :)

      Delete
    28. It is Eden. She is so stooooopid

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    29. What I say is from my heart. I don't deserve you insulting me like that, Anon. I have had to suffer real pain at the hands of one of these heartless monsters. I am lucky to be alive.

      I forgive him, of course. But I will never tolerate him or his kind. You can tolerate them if you so wish, but as a good Christian, you should not be mingling with them like you would any regular acquaintance.

      I see some of you treating them like they are your friends. Don't fool yourselves in to believing they can be good, or that they see you as a friend.

      I will keep all of you in my prayers.

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    30. Jesus treated these "heartless monsters" as friends; He died for them every bit as much as he died for you. Why, then, as a "good Christian", should I not be mingling with them? In some ways, I am *just like them*.

      That part I don't expect you to understand. I don't think of these people as my "friends", I come here to learn, dissect and study. I like to spar and debate, it is in my nature. But I am not processing any of this through some kind of emotional filter. I barely take anything personally, let alone banter in which I participate on a sociopath blog!

      I can understand why it might be hard for someone burned by a sociopath to stomach the antisocial banter. But this is not a victim or theology forum! You don't sound as if you have forgiven the person who hurt you. Otherwise you would not come here to try to re-live your abuse, and conquer your abuser.

      Moses was "his kind", sister. So were Joshua, Sampson, Gideon, and possibly even David. They were made in the image of God, too. Were they good? And yet, our FAITH is accorded to us as righteousness.

      Have you read the Old Testament? God's sword is sharp, but it is His alone to wield. Who are you to tell Him who to slay, and who to save?

      Delete
    31. Thank you, Alterego. For reminding me of what I stand for. I guess I need to pray more for my own heart, that God should deliver me from my anger. I just get so frustrated because I don't understand how anyone could come here every day, and just joke with the sociopaths as though they are fine and dandy with what they represent.

      I do want to forgive the sociopath who nearly cost me my life, but I guess I have a long road yet. I wish I had the kind of understanding you do. I shouldn't take it personal, you are right about that. I was wrong to say what I did. I am not perfect.

      I just want this place to be someplace everyone can visit, and not feel like they will be attacked. I want it to be a little warmer. More friendly. Maybe this is not the right place for me. Forgive me for my rudeness. :)

      Delete
    32. You need to remember to hate the sin, not the sinner, Sister Christian. That's not easy to do, but then again, doing the right thing never is. That's what makes it so exceptional. Really, writing 'God looks down on these creatures' should have made you feel uncomfortable. If that was true, then He'd have to look down on ALL of us, since every single one of us from Hitler to Mother Teresa is equal and beloved in His eyes.

      Alterego, you think Moses, Sampson, Joshua, and Gideon were sociopaths? You've piqued my interest, do explain!

      Delete
    33. Sister Christian
      IF you are the real deal, work on your own humility.

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    34. I am still learning. I'm a new born Christian, and I don't come from a family of God. I read my Bible, but I still have some hardship in understanding it. It's like reading Shakespeare.

      My best friend doesn't like the church I go to. She says there are too many fanatics there. She wants me to try a nondenominational church. But I like the people at my church. They know how to keep it fun and high energy.

      Please explain what you mean by Moses and all rest mentioned, being comparable to the sociopath? I don't understand where you are getting that from. I only know the story of Moses, but he does not seem like a sociopath to me.

      @anon who said I need to work on my humility IF I the real deal,
      I don't like the tone in your words. Alterego and anon 11:12, sound kind and like they wish to help me grow as a Christian. You sound demanding and judgmental, so I humbly ask that you no longer address me.

      Again, I apologize for the way I came across to everyone. I will do better from now on. :)

      Delete
    35. Ah, so you're new, then? That explains it. Good luck on your spiritual journey, because the world just got simpler yet more complicated for you. ;)

      Are you reading the King James Version? It's a beautifully written translation, but if you're still new, you might want to consider finding a modern translation that is easier to digest. I save KJV for when I want to enjoy the Bible as literature.

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    36. I AM reading King James version. Thank you for your suggestion, Anon 7:06! I'll check in to that, and report back to you. ;)

      Delete
    37. Moses killed an Egyptian man in anger when he saw a fellow Israelite getting beaten by an Egyptian slave master, and spent years on the lam as a result of this impulsive, murderous act.

      He was later commissioned by God to confront Pharaoh so that his people might ultimately be liberated from slavery in Egypt. He was the harbinger of numerous plagues, when Pharaoh's pride would not break. Confronting the most powerful man in the civilized world would have required brass balls.

      Moses was the uncontested leader among his people and frequently had to mete out severe punishments when they acted against God's will. This would have proved extremely difficult, if not impossible, for an empath with a sensitive nature. Throughout the Biblical narrative, we witness Moses struggling with anger and pride. He lost his temper *frequently* and broke the first tablet upon which the ten commandments were originally inscribed, when he witnessed his brother Aaron leading his people into rampant idolatry. He disobeyed God at Meribah, once again on account of his short fuse, when he struck the rock God commanded him to "speak to", so that water might flow forth. He also took credit for the feat, as opposed to giving God the glory. This stunt ultimately prevented him from entering the promised land. Joshua took over the leadership of the Israelites after Moses died.

      Joshua was a fearless warrior who faced tremendous odds, yet because of his unfaltering obedience to God, all of his endeavors were rewarded with success, unlike the efforts of his predecessor. He utterly smites the people of Ai, the Gibeonites, the people of Makkedah, the Libnahites, the people of Lachish, the Eglonites, the Hebronites, and the Debirites. In short, "Joshua defeated the whole land" (Joshua 10:20) This man had a lot of blood on his hands.

      Sampson caught a large number of foxes, set their bushy tails on fire, then released them into the wheat fields, vineyards, olive groves and storage silos of the Philistines, causing terrible havoc. He wrestled and defeated a lion with his bare hands, and clubbed many men to death with a blunt instrument: the jawbone of an ass. He was a sinful, licentious man who ultimately paid the price for his cruel, manipulative ways with capture, defeat and death- yet He served God's purpose mightily while alive.

      Many people who struggle with the Old Testament feel that the loving, peaceful God of the New Testament cannot be reconciled with the fierce warrior King portrayed within its various narratives. But who are we to say what is “moral”, and what is not? God does not change. He is loving and merciful, yet powerful and strong, encompassing within Himself a myriad of nuances and complexities of which we witness only a slice in the Bible. He saves and slays whom He chooses, according to His sovereign will.

      Jesus himself tells his followers not be deceived, that His purpose was not restricted to spreading an easy message of feel-good peace and love:

      “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.” (Matthew 10:35)

      The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, yet perfect love casts out all fear.

      When we fear God enough to obey Him unconditionally, He reveals to us a greater portion of His true nature. By faith, we are indeed made perfect in His love, and we need not fear His judgment any longer. Yet “It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God.” (Hebrews 10:31).

      God is a beautiful paradox of strength and mercy. A sociopath who trusts in Him will be used to demonstrate His glory in powerful ways.

      Delete
    38. You are very knowledgeable about the Bible, Alterego. Are you a Minister? I will have to read the passages about Moses again. I hadn't looked at it in the way you tell it, but it makes sense. I'd love to hear more. When did you become a Christian?

      Delete
    39. Thanks for your analysis, Alterego. I guess I tend to forget how bloody the Old Testament is, ha ha.

      Delete
    40. And very interesting analysis with regards to the 'paradox' of the OT God and NT God. It's one of those aspects of Christianity that always bugs me a little, so I'm glad to have some new insight on it. I love me a good paradox, it makes my brain hurt so good. ;)

      Delete
  20. my papa is very grandiose. he does not exercise, eats mcdonalds every day and doesn't expect to get fat.

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  21. Sweet doc.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rk2C257x6bk

    ReplyDelete
  22. http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/how-to-view-private-facebook-profiles/

    ReplyDelete
  23. what's the difference between a regular asshole and a sociopath? is it that under the facade the asshole has a heart and ideals and the socio does not?

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    Replies
    1. A regular asshole results from dietary fiber intake.

      Delete
  24. I won't get what's coming to me because I'm above it all. You can keep whispering in the dark all you want, but this life is not how your mummy and your teachers told you it was going to be. People like you get humiliated by me and there is no vindication for you. You just get to try to soothe your hurt by fantasizing about people like me coming to a rotten end. In reality the drunk drivers are the one's who don't die in the accidents, the good girl who's trusting gets choppped up and stuffed in a trunk, and the cunning live in wealth and luxury. The world is cruel. Those of us who thrive in that type of enviroment will always have the upperhand in life.

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    Replies
    1. That chick that turned Jew for a guy, pathetic, weak, delusional, reminds me of Alterego.

      Delete
    2. The Doc is full of Beepers and Bi-Polars

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    3. Fat chick is nasty!!

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  25. Leave the Jews out of it.

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  26. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5m_-tZQjt6c

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  27. I can vouch for the disruptive effects that emotional and inconsistent parenting have on a young sociopath (or child with sociopathic tendencies). When my parents, more specifically my mother, reacted with screaming fits when I didn't do "what was expected of me," and didn't bother to explain why it was expected or why it would matter to me, my response as a child was to sever the emotional connection between us. I theorized that if such an inconsistent and painful relationship was all I could hope for from her, it would be better to have no emotional investment at all. By failing to detail the "cause and effect" nature of her reactions to my actions, and by failing to control herself, she gave me no incentive to listen to or respect her. Over the years she has mellowed to a great degree, and I now understand that she was incapable of controlling her emotions. But that doesn't "fix" a bond severed that early and that thoroughly. Parents of sociopathic children have the responsibility of presenting the best and most logical face of adulthood if their children are going to have a chance in the world.

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