The things I have been thinking about recently is what is the proper role of manipulation in a relationship? I have always said that everyone wants to be seduced (trademark pending? I feel like that should be the sequel to "Everyone Poops"). With this current relationship, I performed the seduction perfectly. To use a baseball analogy, it's been my no-hitter. It was not easy and it was not always clear that it would turn out so well. (I almost think that it was because I felt no expectations about the relationship being anything but a fun distraction. I felt no performance pressure, so I performed nearly perfectly.) I'd tell you about it, but like a baseball no-hitter, the story of a perfect seduction is actually sort of boring.
My question is, now that I have a relationship that seems like it could last and I am interested in exploring that option, do I keep seducing? Or actually get real? Well, that's sort of not the question anymore because I have already gotten at least a more real as the relationship has progressed. I guess it's more like, stay real? Or step back in and "fix," seduce, or manipulate when the situation warrants it? Or I guess that's not really the question either, because framed that way the answer would of course be step back in. I think the question is more like, when would the situation warrant it? Should it be a most of the time thing? Or only part of the time?
Things I think:
- If people could be manipulated/seduced into being happy without knowing that is the source fo their happiness, they would typically choose that (ignorance is bliss, blue pill over the red pill, or everyone wants to be seduced).
- Some people would feel betrayed if they ever did find out that they were being "managed."
- People find things out eventually, or things have a way of being found out.
- Small fixes sometimes just mask bigger problems that don't have such easy "fixes".
- I tend to respect people less in proportion to the amount that I manipulate them.
- Manipulation is turning down an opportunity to try to find a real mutual understanding on an issue.
- Mutual understanding usually means the other person is getting better at pleasing me, i.e. reciprocating the seduction/maintenance.
Other than that, I really don't know what to think. And yes I realize how funny it is for me to be asking you for relationship advice for a change.