Friday, February 24, 2012

Missing the big picture?

Once when I was quite young I went on a class trip to the sea as part of a lesson on marine life. We were pleasantly walking along the shore, ostensibly looking for sea shells or other signs of life, but most of my classmates were quickly bored and started kicking up sand or chasing each other. Used to doing my own thing, I kept at the sea shell collecting and had quite a handful of smaller shells. I was concentrating so hard I started to fall behind. My teachers urged me on -- "There will be more shells up ahead." Sure, I thought, but there are also a lot of good shells here that everyone is overlooking. It turned out, though, that the teachers had previously purchased some large shells from a shop and had scattered them in one particular area for the students to collect. They were easy to see and gather, even for the least observant or laziest child. By the time I got to that area, of course all the purchased shells had been taken.

A few years later I visited Brussels with a friend. I hadn't bothered doing research on the city ahead of time, figuring we would just join a bus tour or something line that. Group tours seemed more trouble than they were worth, though, so my friend and I grabbed a simple map and set out to see the sites. After hours of walking in a big circle and growing a little disappointed, we went to the last site on our map -- the market square. It was breathtakingly, awe-inspiringly beautiful. I had been doing my best to appreciate every bit of Brussels in the little churches and government buildings that we had visited, but it was so easy to fall in love with the charming city once we were in the town square, waffle in hand.

I like who I am. I like that I am methodical, relentless, efficient, able to capitalize on any situation, etc. I wasn't upset with myself at either the beach or Brussels because I'd done the best that I could with the information I had available. Still I often think about those experiences and wonder what other things I may be missing out on in life. Specific to my low-grade sociopathy, love? Human understanding? Emotional intimacy? Do I experience those things in their fullness? And if I in anyway chose this life, have I chosen the better part?

77 comments:

  1. Theres nothing bigger in life then the small little things. Somehow others seem to over look them, but Don't we memorize, and mimic these traits best of all?

    I don't think of it as 'Missing the big picture' just making time and enjoying the art of it. I too would think of the town square as the main event. So meny people just living out their lives, orderly chaos. Music to my ears.

    -Daemon

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ah. Teachers...

    They sure do make things easy for children. They see trivial things such as that ways to capitalize on children's self esteem. I doubt they are even aware of what they're doing, most of the time. I find the subconscious of us humans to be so amazing in that sense.

    We have absolutely no control over it yet who we are is what it follows.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Okay guys this is great but WTF does ANY of it have to do with being a sociopath or an empath?
    The teachers were idiots, not necessarily empaths.
    And I too had almost the same experience in Brussels of all places (the coincidence is kinda scary actually), but it has NOTHING to do with being a lying, manipulative, motherfucker to people. YES, sociopaths are people too!!! It still doesn't excuse fucking people over because not all empaths are totally pussies.

    ReplyDelete
  4. M.E.,

    I've had such situations a lot of times throughout my life. And I think I've probably had just as many 'reverse' experiences, where I arrive before everybody else and end up being a little bored because I've already done whatever it was I could do because I was first, instead of last as in the opposite situation.

    I heard about the 'missing the big picture' thingy from my friend, who has Asperger's, and I recognized it then too. Actually, in some ways I used to feel I had more in common with him (my friend) than with most other people I'd known (I'm talking "big" here, I really don't ever feel I have anything in common with others - but I guess there're those 'little' situations where I think "Ohh ... yeeaah, oh THAT, I ... THINK ... I know that, yeah...I ...think so!".

    So I recognize the 'bigger picture' notion, but I've never felt it like that. I always feel it is me who have the bigger picture - that is, from MY perspective. Others obviously often think their perspectives are the big pictures, the biggest pictures, and the only big pictures.

    ... I just always feel I know better, because I know why I see what I see AND I (usually) know why the others see what they see too.

    Anyway, it's a matter of perspective, as so much in life... as everything, really. About art and experience of emotional value, the 'bigger' (read: communicative, collective, social) perspective doesn't matter.

    'Bigger Pictures' are for business and economy, politics and for saving the world.

    .....

    Ammy,

    Sociopaths and empaths are people, individuals, with all that implies. That's why this topic, as much as any topic, relates to these terms.
    Every word doesn't have to be provoking or about manipulation, etc. in order to be about sociopaths and empaths. We also meet in other areas of life, and hearing about that helps paint a more complete picture.

    Read 20 more articles, so you have you emotional stomach a little more full of sociopath supply, then come back and you'll see what I mean. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm not convinced all sociopaths feel absolutely nothing. The people I draw into my life that I feel closest to almost always exhibit sociopathic tendencies and they are the friends I am closest with and feel truly alive when I'm around. I find that when I converse with ordinary people (or empaths or whatever you wanna call them) there is never a full connect and I feel like I hit a brick wall very fast. With less intelligent, dense people I am almost filled with a sense of suffocation and panic when I'm talking with them and want to get out of the interaction very quickly lest I end up saying something backhanded and condescending. but my sociopathic friends and I all agree that it is not that we feel NO emotion whatsoever, its that we do not feel them as often as others. What's more, the emotions we do feel are seemingly far more intense and profound than those felt by an ordinary empath. It seems, that from my perspective empaths feel low-grade emotions and more frequently. To make a lame example: A friend/acquaintance informs me of a fender bender or a grandparent's death and in that type of situation I have to fake the emotional response. If I were to watch a movie on the holocaust (or even watching Titanic lol) I would ball like a baby if I let the wall down. If anything, I feel being sociopathic puts me at a greater advantage in that I'm less hindered by day-to-day emotional hold-ups and yet I can experience profound and deep emotions every so often that leave me feeling alive and refreshed after the wave of emotion has resided.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't believe one word of your post.

      Delete
    2. Yes, I write about the differences in my relationship with a sociopath g/f than any empath friend I have. For me, what allows me to appreciate all she has to offer is that I am not attracted to woman.

      Delete
    3. This is it---the Sociopath does not force you to lie.

      Delete
  6. If we truly felt nothing it would be suicide boulevard for every sociopath in the world because to feel nothing would truly be hell which is what one feels when they are extremely bored with nothing to stimulate them.
    I equate the pleasure i get from control and power with happiness, it is in essence exactly the same is it not? Just the pleasure i get is probably 100x more than any happiness someone feels and is never permanent but fleeting always needing to get that hit to sate myself temporarily.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I believe so too. Some degree of equation between sociopathic and empathic emotion is possible, if you keep in mind neuronal differences make the precise relation of these sensations difficult, and the similarities seem very limited so far.

      Eventual evidence and confirmation might spontaneously spring from neurological science.

      Delete
  7. Once when I was quite young I went on a class trip to the sea as part of a lesson on marine life. We were pleasantly walking along the shore, ostensibly looking for sea shells or other signs of life, but most of my classmates were quickly bored and started kicking up sand or chasing each other. Used to doing my own thing, I kept at the sea shell collecting and had quite a handful of smaller shells. I was concentrating so hard I started to fall behind. My teachers urged me on -- "There will be more shells up ahead." Sure, I thought, but there are also a lot of good shells here that everyone is overlooking. It turned out, though, that the teachers had previously purchased some large shells from a shop and had scattered them in one particular area for the students to collect. They were easy to see and gather, even for the least observant or laziest child. By the time I got to that area, of course all the purchased shells had been taken.

    In very concrete terms, the purchased shells scattered on the shore were the product of a disingenuous manipulation of the “natural” environment your teachers expected you to observe and appreciate. I’m not saying there is never good cause to do such a thing, but let us call a spade a spade.

    Screw the teachers who deceived your “neurotypical” classmates. Whoever picked up the purchased seashells fell prey to a cheap manipulation that served to undermine the educational process. Instinctively, you chose the better part. You chose to savour what was real, on your own terms, rather than chase after some fake, shiny bauble. Kudos.

    You did Brussels impulsively. For someone so methodical, you certainly failed to do your research, hehe. But you saw and fully appreciated Market Square anyway. Some of the very best experiences I have ever had in life were the result of impulsive whims. Of course, my sudden vagaries have led to a few epic fails, too.

    As for those “missed opportunities”, I have only one question for you:

    Would you exchange a walk-on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

    Of course, when you regret nothing, it’s all good. :)

    I find it interesting and oddly endearing that you should frequently stress your methodical, efficient nature. My husband is forever extolling the benefits of being rigorously systematic. He is a brilliant engineer, so it has paid off very well for him.

    The combination of relentless determination and exacting, methodical rigor is extremely potent. These are valuable qualities, strengths which lead to success in many domains. I love that these attributes are expressed so powerfully in my partner. I own that, because we are one.

    Though I am capable of being extremely methodical and thorough in my study of ideas and constructs, I am a bit of an ADD-addled scatterbrain, and this renders some of my actions inefficient.:) My husband chides me in a good-natured fashion about this all the time, but it doesn’t really annoy him, unless I have caused a major inconvenience. He finds it kind of cute, yet he encourages me to develop strategies to systematize my routines and thereby enhance my productivity and efficiency. He completes me.

    Have you found your other half? If you refuse to settle for less, you will find emotional intimacy. You probably don’t think you need it. And you may well not- not really. But what a blessing it is in life when you find someone you can truly love as you love yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  8. When focusing a camera, you have a trade off between the objects in the foreground and the rest of the picture behind it. Sometimes, like when taking a portrait, focus is best applied to the object near the camera. For a magnificent vista, the important visual information is that beyond whatever weeds are right in front of the camera.

    There is always a trade-off. I don't know that we are capable of focusing on both the detail and the grander aspects of a moment, activity, or situation. I suspect that, like the camera, for a given bit of our world, we must choose a focal length. Some going to be designed to excel at one end or the other.

    Yes, it is likely that you are missing important information and experiences if you are less able to "look at the big picture," but you are likely catching some great "shots" that others overlook with their more typical focus scheme. *shrug*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Excellent point.

      Delete
    2. Good point, I almost thought you were an Aspie.

      Delete
  9. I know I have people(left unnamed) who rag on me. That does not deter me. We, each, have our strengths. That is one of mine. If I have something to say, I will say it. If I feel it needs to be heard, by more than myself, I will say it, most especially. That is why people, left unnamed, do not deter me.
    At any rate, I wanted to tell you what happened to me, last night. I was in the blackest depression. It was as if the dark had it's hand pulling me into the abyss. It was scary, but I knew I had to talk to someone. I could not get my empath friend on the phone, so I sought out my socio g/f. I poured out the depths of pain and rage. I knew that she could let it go. I knew that she did not take it in. I knew I could give it to her and it would dissipate. I did. I sobbed and raged, as if I was on the brink of madness. This morning, I feel more sane. I feel clearer thinking. I don't think an empath could have taken that, without trying to fix. If they tried to fix, *I* would have had to take care of them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who exactly are you "monica" ? Your posts hold no value as an Anon here. And that goes for others that hide behind a fucking typed in name.
      Make an account and post with it, or fuck off.

      Delete
    2. Who am I? I have a sociopath in my family.

      Delete
    3. And I have a pink unicorn in my basement.

      Are you really that simple ?

      Delete
    4. And how, exactly, is an anonymous account less cowardly than an anonymous pseudonym without one? Unlike account holding regulars, I cannot delete my posts (not that I would want to.) I suppose your real name is "BLud-KLoT", then?

      Pfft.

      Delete
    5. Blud-Klot
      Who are YOU? :)

      Delete
    6. Alterego! Wow, impressive. Another useless fuck.

      You don't impress me. And your inflated opinion is just that.

      "pfft"? Extra air ? your dying brain really could use it, don't be so wasteful.

      Delete
    7. Klot, you have yet to prove yourself useful for anything other than lame put downs.

      Delete
    8. Thanks Anon You said what it took too much effort for me to

      Delete
    9. That's rich anon that you think I have to prove myself, typical of a small mind. As for "lame" put downs, sorry but that is all that is required with the likes of idiots like you. Keep typing

      Delete
    10. I want to prove myself!! What do I have to do ?

      Delete
    11. Blasts from the Past
      Theme Song for the Army of Anons

      Delete
    12. What inflated opinion, brain clot? You're the one putting others down to compensate for a transparent and pathetic inferiority complex. Useless? I have yet to hear anything hear anything more sophisticated than "fuck" out of you. You don't even have the prescience to formulate an intelligent retort to a simple a question. Dying brain? That "BLuD KloT" is clearly asphyxiating the few neurons remaining in yours, asshole.

      Delete
    13. Hey Alter, looks like your imbecile fan club approves of your verbal diarrhea. sophisticated ? Yeah no not me. You have me confused with one of the many losers that fuck you daily. But I'm glad to see I have hit a nerve.. and if it weren't for us "assholes" shits like you wouldn't be alive, Cum-Dumpster

      Delete
    14. Yes, no, maybe so,
      Kneel and you can suck my toe.
      Hit a nerve?
      I don't think so.

      Is "cum bucket" the best you can do, Brain Clot?

      You're not even worthy to eat my snot.

      :D

      Delete
    15. C'mon you pile of bloody turds,
      Send me all of your Big Bad Words.
      When you're done, fire off some more,
      I'll use them all to mop my floor.

      Delete
    16. Sociopaths lacking depth rely on humorous put downs to dominate. To sensitive posters, it is best to laugh them off and then ignore.

      Delete
  10. There is so much value in having things done our way as opposed to following the crowd. Even if the crowd may get 'more' of what they want we get the 'most' because we get to stay with 'I did it my way,' and will never have regrets about that.

    The teachers' planting fake shells is acceptable if the group was really young as stated. Instead of presenting sea shells in the classroom why not make it an adventurous activity on the beach for the young ones who are not as mature as ME in their ability to focus. I don't see this yet another example of US education system lowering its standards, while believing in the fact that US education standards in terms of rigor and effort is very low compared to the rest of the world. It makes up for the decay in that regard with out-of-the box thinking, innovation, over-confidence, and faking till making.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Your last paragraph really caught my eye. when I was first diagnosed the question crossed my mind more than a few times, nearly in the same words that you used in your last paaragraph. I couldn't help but wonder what I had missed in life, I thought I knew what love was, but couldn't help but wonder had I been confusing it with something else. I mean what does love actually feel like? The more people tried to describe it the more I realized I don't know what it is because it is not something tangible. As time goes on however, I realize that not truly knowing what these things are or what they mean, the less I care that I am without them. When it really comes down to it, I'm proud of who I am, I may not have one side of what is thought to make someone "human" but I have so much more of the otherside that I feel I have been given an advantage. I see more of the world than most. I never lead with my heart but rather with my mind, my decisions are calculated and sound and rarely lead me to falter. I have done alot in my life, and I regret nothing. How many so called "normal people" wish they could have that?

    ReplyDelete
  12. 1. Since the age of fifteen there has been a disregard for and violation of the right's of others, those right's considered normal by the local culture, as indicated by at least three of the following:
    A. Repeated acts that could lead to arrest.
    B. Conning for pleasure or profit, repeated lying, or the use of aliases.
    C. Failure to plan ahead or being impulsive.
    D. Repeated assaults on others.
    E. Reckless when it comes to their or others safety.
    F. Poor work behavior or failure to honor financial obligations.
    G. Rationalizing the pain they inflict on others.

    So lets look at A through G and compare them to Aspergers:

    A: A trait of aspergers is to strictly enforce the rules, not break them.
    B: It is considered hard for people with Aspergers to lie, they are often brutally honest.
    C: People with Aspergers often have to have a plan before doing something as simple as going to the grocery store and normally will not deviate from it.
    D: Rarely do people with Aspergers assault others they are more often the target of assaults.
    E: Anxiety is often high among those that have Aspergers, they are normally the cautious ones in any group.
    F: When people with Aspergers are employed they are often lauded for their loyalty and attention to detail in the work they do.
    G: People with Aspergers do at times hurt other people's feelings without understanding they are doing it. It's not likely they would rationalize harm they don't understand they are doing.

    Lack of Empathy is seen as an issue with Autism, but a conscience about what is morally right and wrong in human interaction, is a trait that is strong in Aspergers, as opposed to Sociopathology.

    ReplyDelete
  13. http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/sep/14/bankers-anthropological-study-joris-luyendijk

    ReplyDelete
  14. I think some people tend to see more detail oriented and others tend to see more big picture. It seems more like an individual trait than a pd trait.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Boring as usual. Great changes ME!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hello fly from frankfurt f

      Delete
  16. Anon 8:33 am. What made you post that? Thank you, I am clearly an aspie in that I check all of that you listed.

    It truly saddens me that I hurt the nonrational types since I have a few of those as relatives, and I like them very much in their up moods and when life is treating them well. But, I sense their resentment when they are in a down mood since I don't seem to be able to relate to them, and piss them off as I try to solve their problems. I am learning to say let them suffer, don't look back, listen without caring, listen without trying to solve their issues for them, don't present a rational solution to them.

    It's like walking on egg-shells when around overly emotional, and weak people. I never actively avoided them in the past and made it a point to try to change myself, and get a hold of this 'big picture' thing as opposed to a perfect solution to the task at hand. I show no external sign of aspergers, am quite charming (as in can get into a crowd and be the heart of the party if I wish to, but typically couldn't care less about what the crowd thinks), and quite strong, so I often come across as sociopathic to most, I'm pretty sure. Some ran away from me because of my brutal honesty, and somehow at this point in life I am thinking I should run away from them.

    Socios are easier to handle for me, I feel no guilt when I leave them behind, and it's very hard for them to get hurt so I am free of the anxiety and guilt around them. So, hey, thank God for high functioning socios.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So now you are an aspie ?

      interesting

      Delete
    2. David
      Are you the Watcher?

      Delete
    3. I am not David. I am not anyone known as a regular here. I am simply The Watcher.

      Delete
    4. I miss David

      Delete
    5. You can't hurt sociopaths, but you can bore them, ignore them, frustrate their plans or publicly deface them if they have wronged you. Mimicking them is futile if you're an Aspie. I'd know empaths know better, so ask them for help.

      Delete
  17. @Bludklot

    And yet you keep responding to those 'useless small minds'........

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Entertainment, is that not allowed for a sociopath ? I know I enjoy pointing out the short comings of others. Kind of built in I guess you can say.

      Anon... ellipsis is a row of three periods or full stops. If you are going to use a suspension point, keep in mind it's "..." not "......."

      Delete
    2. Awww, anon are your feelings all hurt ? You are another useless pylon. But thanks for stepping forward and including yourself in the list of morons here.

      Delete
    3. Troll feeding the Trolls... classic.

      BLuD-KloT - 5

      Anons - 0

      Delete
    4. Aww Ukan. You were doing so well in the forum, empowering everyone with your astute, incisive comments. Even I was impressed.

      Until you popped out the pathetic scoreboard, that is. It's a weak tactic. Give it up, will ya?

      You can do far better than that, leo. :)

      Delete
    5. Go get bent you stupid whore.

      Delete
    6. @Fly

      A socio's idea of 'entertainment' is typing half assed angry thoughts on a internet blog? Now I know :)

      And thank you for the grammer tip. I have made corrections...

      Delete
    7. @Blud

      Your comments didn't insult me because they weren't even aimed at me to begin with. I just find you obnoxious.

      Delete
    8. There you are. I knew it.
      Looks like you're the easy one, hoser. :)
      Does my bait taste good in your big mouth?

      Delete
  18. Alter' Alter' He's out man - If he can't do it, no one can.

    BludKlot = Sociopathworld's Moronic Dick-Cheese!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blasts from the Past
      Multiple Orgasm Series
      Theme Song for Eden/ Anon 1/Turk--- the fake sociopath

      Delete
    2. Thankyou cutie :) - Looooove youuuu

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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