Sunday, January 24, 2010

Love-ish (part 2)

A response to my reply, from yesterday's post. (The reader requested specifically that I not edit the exchange for publication):
Ok I can see why someone with this disorder would want to feel love and have a relationship, but would you say that the type of love they are feeling is purely a selfish type of love. If we are going to accept the diagnosis of what sociopathic personality disorder is, then this person cannot form attachments and they cannot have the depth of emotion that would create real love (not because they don't want to, but because they are just not able too), and without real love and true concern (empathy) for the other person, would a relationship ever truly work? So, if they want love they want it for how it makes them feel, correct? Falling in love, making someone feel loved, and having it mirrored back to you is euphoric, and probably a high that most can see as a form of power to use. Maybe this is the attraction some sociopaths see in pursuing relationships. It is solely about what they are getting out of it. They cannot give back what is needed to make the other person fulfilled in terms of emotions. It would think it would end up being a selfish, one-sided relationship. Am I wrong?
I think all love has an element of selfishness to it, and that all love has an element of selflessness as well. What is real love? If sociopaths can't feel "real love," is their love valid? Empaths try this argument on me all the time. I think it is elitist. It is like the French complaining that the Chinese don't know how to drink wine because they cut it with lemon-lime carbonated beverages. Relationships with sociopaths seem to work. It's hard maybe, and it certainly is different, but people seem to be able to pull it off. I don't necessarily disagree with you on why sociopaths choose to love in the first place, but I think to say it is selfish and one-sided would be like saying traditional marriage of husband breadwinner and wife homemaker is one-sided -- maybe it is, but which is the beneficiary?


  1. I think real, true love is quite simple to explain in any of its various forms. Then again i would lol, no surprises there hey ;)

    If i would lay down my life for a person. Its love. I came to that very basic conclusion because obviously id love that person more than i love myself ha.

    Thats my logic anyway. Thats how i measure "love". If say hypothetically a scenerio arrived that presented a clear choice. Me or the other person. "If i would push the other to save myself". I don't really love them in its purest form. Its just a fondness. Nothing wrong with fondness though. Its nice. Its just not all consuming. I think therefore "love" doesn't really come around as often as people declare it. So it becomes a sweet little empty word.

    In my head its like saying "i love you,.. but theres a cat in hells chance im that giving you my last piece of bread. STARVE." If that makes an iota of sense?

    wow, i have some wierd thoughts.

    Tink :)

  2. I agree that is a quality of true love.

  3. When I think about how to put 'love' into words I say this...
    If someone has a special place in my heart and I truly care about what happens to them, then I love them.

    Basic rule..
    No magic and very straight forward.

  4. ME I think your comment reflects you don't know love otherwise such a comparison would seem infantile to you. It's still a concept, a collection of behaviours in exchange for a prize, to you. This is why I would say to all in sociopath-empath relationships, many of them happen with this false illusion the empath is having some impact on the osciopath and it's just impossible and also unfair for the empath to continue.
    It will cheapen everything they believe in, just like that Chinese and French comparison. Love is a deep experience involving the will of all involved to create an environment that is sublime, that is an expression of what they believe in to be in the world in a happy way, to have most of one's needs met but mainly the pleasure of giving to someone and in collectively participating in the creation of that happy world.
    I think socipaths always cheapen love because they don't know what they are saying.
    It is like (here is another analogy) mean having never travelled or met a foreigner but making claims about my country and culture in the context of the world. It's just ill-informed.


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