Sunday, January 3, 2010

Aging

Occasionally I worry for my sanity. In my younger years, I could do all sorts of stuff and walk away unscathed. Now I feel like my mind is getting old just like my body is getting old. Sociopaths have a flexible sense of self, but does it get less flexible with age? Like my skin or my muscles? If my sense of self becomes more brittle with age, what will happen when I am 80? Will my mind eventually break, just like my brittle bones? If I am sane, will I still be able to put on my "mask of sanity"? Will people find out who I am? Or will my ability to do devious things just be compromised to the point where I no longer am able to do them, or when I do them I'm found out and simply labeled a garden variety asshole? I am starting to wonder whether there could be a mental version of viagra for sociopaths. If my mind goes, where am I?

24 comments:

  1. I'm not a sociopath so what do I know but it seems to me there are levels of this disorder and the fact you are posting (might) indicate you have more self awareness than many other Sociopaths.

    My instinct is that by doing whatever you can now and to manage your life as best you can, you will probably suffer less later. But isn't that true for all of us?

    How old are you?

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  2. i just hope and pray the Alzheimer's kicks in before i am admitted to the nursing home, and the kid who can't get my fast food order right at the drive thru today, is my care giver...

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  3. You sound fearful. Why?

    In all likelihood, you'll become less and less antisocial as you age. According to what I've read, that seems to be how it works. Whether this is because psychopaths no longer want to be, or because they're no longer able to be, I don't know.

    Regardless, you will still be you, and to love yourself (or what you may become) any less would be foolish. It's par for the course.

    Or hell, maybe you will wind up like Fagin, muttering to yourself incoherently as you wait for death. Time will tell.

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  4. Most likely, you'll end up blind, deaf, or incoherent... lonely, bored; having the youth steal checks from you; items of value; your caretakers abusing or neglecting you in some variety of ways.

    Cheers!

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  5. ya know what an 80 year old woman tastes like...depends!!

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  6. I always sorta thought I would be dead by 40 . . . and I'm 37 now!

    I can't say that I'm more content than I was at 17, but objectively speaking things have gone pretty well . . . I have my freedom, liquid assets and I seem to get smarter and more handsome each year.

    But I do feel 'real' success has thus far eluded me . . . I would only be truly satisfied by the kind of success that prompts women to throw themselves under the wheels of my car and makes other guys spontaneously commit suicide. Maybe someday . . .

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  7. some people would rather die the richest man in the graveyard, than share with others in an empathetic manner.

    irrational rationality.

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  8. You all are a cheery bunch, aren't you?

    some people would rather die the richest man in the graveyard, than share with others in an empathetic manner.

    What difference does it make when either way, we all end up in the graveyard?

    irrational rationality.

    Indeed.

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  9. you sociopath is dumb. the only reason you need to steal is because of sociopaths. all the dumb shit you write about people being dumb is dumb. we wouldnt need to steal and lie if there was no sociopaths. so maybe we are dumb for not seein you but in a country of normal people our way is the smarter. theres less worrying about dumb shit like being devious and watching for the boogie man. the sociopath who get rich is dumb too cuz they arnt happier then they was before.they are still watching they backs all the time for no reason.its theire life pathetic huh. id rather be chillin with my homies knowin everythings ok. stayin out of prison and shit and free of stress.

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  10. Goodie… Anonymous, you probably weren’t addressing me, but wtf? I’ll play along for a hot minute.

    the only reason you need to steal is because of sociopaths.

    Hmmm. You have a limited imagination if you believe that’s the only reason there is to steal.

    we wouldnt need to steal and lie if there was no ‘such thing as a selfish human being’.

    There. I fixed that for you. You’re welcome. And what’s with all this “we” business anyway?

    so maybe we are dumb…

    I’d take the maybe off.

    the sociopath who get rich is dumb too cuz they arnt happier then they was before.

    Naturally, having conducted an in depth survey of wealthy so called sociopaths everywhere, you derive your authoritative tone from a solid foundation of fact… Right?

    theres less worrying about dumb shit like being devious and watching for the boogie man.

    No silly, the Boogie Man isn’t anything to worry about because he isn’t real. Bloody Mary, on the other hand… God I can never manage to say her name three times in front of a mirror in a darkened bathroom!

    they are still watching they backs all the time for no reason.its theire life pathetic huh.

    You’re so harsh! (Why do anonymouses tend to be so harsh, huh? That’s what I’d like to know!) Paranoids aren’t pathetic, merely mistaken. Massively so. Now what your comments about paranoia have to do with so called sociopaths or the price of tea in China is anybody’s guess.

    id rather be chillin with my homies knowin everythings ok. stayin out of prison and shit and free of stress.

    I’d rather be cracking open a book on grammar, brushing up on how to avoid logical fallacies and learning how to use spell check myself, but that’s just me. Hey… wait a sec… ME, was this comment that I replied to you giving us your best vaudeville version of a black person? Damn blacks! Wasn’t screwing up the economy enough? :-)

    (And just for my sarcasm impaired friends who frequent this comment section, almost all of the above was tongue in cheek. But why do I feel like I just took advantage of a learning impaired person to amuse myself? Oh the guilt, it's unbearable!)

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  11. What academic prowess you have! I bet you think it is all innate too huh?

    Yes, death is futile. It does not matter to the deceased whether or not they are the richest man in the graveyard. But it does matter beyond the individual, towards a greater good - which does exist whether you deprecate on it or not.

    It just seems so much more futile than every other fly of a human life, to take so much more than you give.

    If you stop fighting the sadism inside of you, why keep on living? Isn't that suicide already?

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  12. Birdick not only did you take advantage of a possibly vulnerable person, you also make yourself look rather "vulnerable" for doing so, particularly as you are returning here after previously making such a fanfare about leaving. Why are you so weak and useless that you can't even make a small life change when you say you will do it?

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  13. daniel you are mugu sociopath
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ktz7vc70hZ8&feature=PlayList&p=85304968DD908DF7

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  14. Anonymous number 1 (Fantasy Boy): You’ve called my inner child a sadist! He’s so hurt and wounded by that! Now I’ll have to spend all day comforting him. What did he ever do to you? If you hadn’t thrown in the sadist thing in the end, he might have been comforted by your fantasy about “greater goods” and the avoidance of futility and what not. As it was, he just went to bed crying, wanting to tie you up and spank you with his trusty leather whip that he likes to call Sully.

    Anonymous number 2 (Mean Girl): You saw what you perceive as a contradiction in my previous comments and decided to zero in on it with a view towards landing a blow on what you believe is my fragile ego. Nice. It didn’t quite work though. But you were marginally better than the last anonymous who tried it so you get an E for Effort. Keep it up. You’ll be slicing and dicing stranger commentators in no time flat instead of just punching the air!

    Once again I ask, why, oh why are anonymouses so harsh?!? What did poor Daniel Birdick ever do to the anonymouses of the world? Wait, are you anonymouses black? That would explain everything, especially Fun Anonymouser #3. You go ahead FA and chop that dollar! That’ll make you a winner fo sho! :-)

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  15. you are fag asshole you think you so smart huh. you talk so much fancy words to say nothing huh. you are arrogant mugu with no sense and is why you get took. if you not so greedy we would not have to purchase you money without pay. what you na waste you time in comment so smart huh.

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  16. ahhhhhh.... lol @ Birdick...
    Missed you Birdick, glad, just glad, youre back....
    No sarcasm implied..

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  17. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  18. Funny...I sensed sarcasm in that. You laugh at him, only to reveal you're glad he's back, wait, that's more ironic then sarcastic.

    Oh well.

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  19. Dafty-
    I laughed at what he was saying, not at him. There is a difference albeit subtle. I like the way he thinks and I find it very interesting.

    Any irony there?
    What about sarcasm?

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  20. As I get older things seem to get easier and I am more comfortable with just being who I am, despite the fact that by most conventional standards I am not a good person.

    I do find my boredom getting more serious and find myself getting more sadistic as a means of alleviating that boredom. Nothing violent or insanely criminal or anything, but I am definitely getting less tolerant of idiots and more inclined to simply hurt them for the fun of it. Along the same lines, I am also getting more pleasure out of convincing others to willingly suffer on my behalf and find this to be a great power trip.

    I have also become more impulsive. For the most part I have never been overly impulsive, being more of a planner and schemer but that is changing. For example, I literally flew to a country that I have never been to before, didn't know the language or any people, and specifically came with no means of leaving just to see how I would fare. [Rather well as it turned out, I take pride in my resourcefulness.]

    As I get older I have also become much more comfortable with who and what I am. When I was younger there was a strong drive to deny my nature and earnestly try to be like everyone else and to be a "good" person, but I am done with that now. All that trying to deny my basic nature ever did was make me unhappy and paranoid, being myself (at least to myself) is much easier and more enjoyable. This also ties into the sadistic tendency as well. Ultimately I am what I am and there seems to be no lack of willing victims that want to experience what I have to offer.

    I have also become a bit suicidal, which is a bit surprising and something that is new to me. This sentiment is not at all emotional, but just seems like the easiest way to deal with threatened ennui. I have pretty much reached the conclusion that if I find myself in a position where I can no longer keep myself stimulated - imprisoned or hospitalized for example - I'll just quit.

    All said, I have noticed some changes as I get older, but they are not really disturbing changes. Things are as good as they've ever been and now I have a planned exit strategy should things take a major turn for the worse. So, getting older - at least for me - is sort of cool in that I've put myself in a situation where virtually everything is new and exciting. :)

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  21. I am not fond of aging myself, though not for the same reasons. Being a female sociopath is much easier given the physical assets to do so.

    When the last bit of my youth and attractiveness gives out, I need to find a new, less savory crowd of people to live off of.

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  22. Just tonight I found myself asking this question. As I get older its very difficult to inhibit myself. What will I become if I cant? I am 42, and past my expected exit date as well. Is the only solution to exit when you go from an S to a P? Whats going to happen when I no longer can choose not to?

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  23. well I think your past is a good predictor of your future.. do you have long standing relationships? did you love and care for them deeply? Then they will be the ones to care for you, if you were a dick, then most likely they will be around (at a distance.) If you were a dirty rotten cold calculating rat, then you will die alone, everyone will forget you and no one will be at your funeral.. you mad bro?

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