Thursday, April 23, 2015


From a reader:

Confessions of A Sociopath, documenting your experience as a high-functioning sociopath, was an absolute delight to read. While I could relate to a large degree with your account, I am still on the fence about whether I fit the sociopathic classification and in writing to you, I’d like to gain some insight on my personal situation.

A bit of background: I’m 17, female, and an atheist who belongs to a conservative South Asian country. I identify as a Right-leaning Libertarian. I have a dysfunctional relationship with both parents. My father is an abusive sociopath (has a criminal record, is violent, glib, charming, Don Juan-esque in his heyday, hypocritical, possesses no empathy or remorse, is a pathological liar) and my mother exhibits signs of Stockholm Syndrome. I find myself unable to sympathise with her situation, often mocking and deriding her weakness for a man who treats her like trash. Vitriol flows seamlessly from my tongue at the slightest provocation. My father has been emotionally and physical abusive towards me, threatened by what he observed as a ‘fierce obstinacy’ in my persona since I was 7 years old. I learnt to cope, and it stopped mattering when I was 14, which lead me to hypothesize that perhaps sociopathy is an adaptation to adversity. However, I wouldn’t deny that there isn’t residual anger, bloodlust or a desire for revenge.

In my childhood, I was a sensitive, precocious and well-adjusted kid with one caveat: I liked squeezing babies deliberately to constrict their breathing. I enjoyed hearing their tortured wails. I had these violent impulses at the age of 10. This phase lasted about two years, until my parents brought me a puppy whom I genuinely loved. I hardly ever meet him now. I started stealing small bottles of shampoo and odd little trinkets from shops, although I stopped when my mother told me that was wrong behaviour. I knowingly stole only once afterwards; on an impulse I picked up coins of different currencies. I was much more intelligent than my peer group (I tested in the low-150s on the Stanford-Binet scale at 14, although I’m well aware that IQ is pseudo-scientific charlatanry) and thus was alienated, but being alone didn’t bother me. I did well in school, but I never aimed for top of the class because it wasn’t worth the extra effort. I find myself inexorably drawn to the depraved and the macabre, watching the Serbian Film for its extreme depictions of rape and necrophilia. I am highly sarcastic, ambitious, well-read and a reckless procrastinator. I have an ambiguous sexual identity; bisexuality is the closest equivalent to my sexual orientation but I can turn it on and off like a switch. My peers find me intimidating; I can silence them with a cold stare and take charge in most situations. I have trouble controlling my temper and heartily enjoy intense arguments/verbal jousts. I have sadistic and highly taboo sexual fantasies. In the few physical altercations I have been involved in, I have always been absolutely cold, calmly using my nails as pincers and slapping at opportune moments. I degrade my opponent in every way I can, regardless of who it is, when provoked; I am not merciful in breaking someone down. I do not have a fear response. My family often quips that my emotional detachment and composure in high-pressure situations makes me suitable for fields like Espionage, Neurosurgery or Trial Law. I do have a high opinion of myself and indulge in the odd flight of fancy but my rational bent of mind safeguards me from delusional thinking. I discarded my first romantic partner after dating him for more than a year when he wasn’t meeting my sexual needs. I find myself fascinated by the exploits of Marquis de Sade and Lord Byron; by accounts and memoirs of serial killers and volatile criminals. My peers tease me by calling me ‘ice princess’; I roll my eyes at the juvenility of the moniker but I find myself vaguely in agreement. I don’t follow a strict moral/ethical framework, but I also don’t fully submit to the pleasure principle- I do not knowingly hurt people, unless circumstances necessitate toughness or they provoke me. I have a very sexually charged presence, and I know just how to push all the right buttons when it comes to men- but I do not manipulate people outside the realm of seduction, although I can cry at will and have used that to my advantage in a few isolated instances. I do not have trouble transitioning from sex siren into an image of temerity and docility if the situation demands it; I do not cede control if I can help it, and feel violated when compelled to. I have near-zero levels of romantic jealousy. I’m also quite attuned to my environment and vacillate between a lack of, and a profound connection with, my body.

My argument against sociopathy would be that I’m often blunt and straightforward, rather than cunning and manipulative. My lying cannot be considered a statistical anomaly. I can form meaningful relationships with other people, but I find it easy to sever contact if their behaviour repulses me. I am currently in a relationship with a man I love very much and am very sexually attracted to. What I feel for him in terms of emotional intensity and depth is what stops me from classifying myself as a sociopath. I did seduce another man outside this relationship, but I did not cheat and came clean about the explicit conversations we’d been having because I couldn’t betray my boyfriend. His happiness was more important than my acting on a vague, capricious impulse. He forgave my transgression, and I severed all contact with the other bloke, who continues to follow me around like a lovestruck puppy. Did I feel guilt? It was more like a series of mechanical decisions, a crude cost-benefit analysis so to speak, rather than actual guilt. But the important thing to keep in mind here is that I came clean. That is what necessitated the cost-benefit analysis in the first place. I suppose I did feel vaguely remorseful. I see my current partner as an extension of myself- and have been involved in a physical altercation to protect him from harm.

I have no history of criminal behaviour. I scored a 21 on the Hare Psychopathy Checklist. I don’t cry except while watching movies or listening to beautiful music. Fictional portrayals move me more than actual troubles. Perhaps it’s the mundanity in real life that turns me off.

So, where would you class me? 


  1. A sociopath would not care if she was one. The whole question would bore
    her. It's like asking a question about an expensive item and the salesman
    responding: "If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
    But I would guess the girl is from Mayaliasia. Maylay people are "superior" and
    vicious, and harsh. I've delt with them.

    1. @Anon 3:35, aka "first" (you lose Whitey xD)

      Yes... Because you are pre-eminently qualified to speak for all sociopaths- a heterogeneous group of individuals comprising as much diversity as any other "community" defined by a shared commonality- on the basis of your one experience with that Malaysian ball-buster who bested you, because you just couldn't compete.

      Keep telling yourself that, sociopath-whisperer. I'm sure it assuages your bloated ego.

    2. Anonymous April 23 3:35 am.

      Where are you from? I am from the United States, and in our ignorance we spell the name of the country, "Malaysia." Are you from some nearby country that hates people from Malaysia? "Malay people are superior and vicious and harsh. I've delt with them?" Let's see. There are nearby countries such as Korea, Laos, Cambodia, China, and so on. The preponderance of sociopaths and ignorant people with clumsy English is probably random among them, so I guess you can be any kind of random Southeast Asian vicious prejudiced idiot. Welcome to SW where we accept and embrace scum from anywhere and everywhere. We are humans. We are scum. What more do you need to know?

    3. Hi, OP here. Not Malaysian. Think of the first South Asian country into hand-holding fuzzy shit and there's your answer.

  2. HLHaller April 17, 2015 at 11:02 PM

    "I guess A wins this round...sigh..." - "But you're right, of course. I always win." - "We'll see about "always." ;p - "Thank you for acknowledging and conceding my victory. :D" - "I'll expect the same."

    You have never won, and you can never win against me. You see, it is not possible, and that is because I am divergent (i.e., I've used the word "different" on more than one occasion.). If you've seen the movie "Divergent," you would understand what I mean. Obviously, I am on a different road in life, but it does mirror who and how I am on the inside. It is panoptic.

    Divergent. Your winning against me is impossible.

    1. LOL!!! Terrible movie - unless you're a 13 year old misfit.

    2. When applying insight and mature analysis of primary themes and characters, movies have no age whatsoever. 13, 25, 30, 35, 47, 55 and so forth: "Once divergent, always divergent." It is inborn and perpetual.

    3. Movies may have no age, but the depth and complexity of their themes are what really ends up setting them apart and more suitable for different ages. Divergent, no matter how glamorously serious it may appear, is quite simple and terribly cliché. That's what sets it apart for younger audiences, in contrast to, say, Perfect Blue.

    4. You are a grown woman who seriously compares and classifies herself according to two-dimensional, poorly-developed fictional characters in shitty movies. You're "divergent", alright. XD

      I can't believe you're still harping on this almost a week later, Try-Hard. Get over yourself.

    5. "You're "divergent", alright. XD I can't believe you're still harping on this almost a week later, Try-Hard. Get over yourself."

      Your inferiority complex is written all over you. It's quite simple to see. A grown man like you should get over it.

    6. LOL. Look, twat. You are honestly delusional if you think I'm a guy. It ruins any credibility you have when you keep going back to the same knee-jerk defensive responses like a defective spaz.

    7. A, Your replies are pathetic. Go practice feeling less inferior with someone else. Stepping out of the victim mentality was your first hurdle. This is the second one in line. Also, here is some sound advice from me: you will not feel less inferior by trying to shoddily and unsuccessfully demean others like a broken record. You need to actually believe it deep down inside, and, of course, it needs to be true (i.e., you need to evolve and actually show improvement). However, it is quite obvious that you have yet to cross over this afflictive hurdle in your life, and as I said, go practice with someone else. Good luck with that!

    8. I think Smartie really wants the badass - Fearless? (something like that) guy to force her to her knees and making her suck his throbbing cock while he tells her what a worthless piece of crap she is..

    9. LOL!!! Defective spaz!!! What a great image of Smartie!!! Thank you for that - it's been a long week and the laugh was much appreciated (the rest of the thread too!!!)

    10. Okok. Teo, your crackpot analyses change so often that they're getting difficult to keep track of. First, you accused me of being a jealous empath on the warpath, who uses an online altergo to ruin people's relationships. Then, I morphed into a male pornographer with Tourette's (he was my favorite xD). Ironically, you called me "uptight" and "inhibited" shortly thereafter- and through all this, you've managed to collapse me into all the posters you don't like, insisting they're my alteregos and/or partners. And now, I'm a "victim" stepping out of her victim mentality.... Touched for the Very First Time!! :D

      I am not "shoddily and unsuccessfully demeaning you", Uptight- you are doing a stellar job of that by all by yourself via your many projections.

      For you see, everything you are, you accuse me of being.

      *You* are the embittered empath. *You* are the one with all the alts- including the annoying one in which you self-righteously proffer all that vapid, fawning, well-meaning advice to M.E., "just like a broken record"- as well as the pathetic little anonymouse assassin, lol. Don't bother to deny it. You reveal yourself through your statements and habits.

      You are the Tourette's case with all the tics: the spastic posting of video clips to make non-existent points, the uptight little outcries when you get offended over explicit talk . *You* are the one who is painfully uptight. And *you* are the victim, trying to step out of victimhood, perhaps for the very first time. (Good luck with that!) :)

      Why else would you post here, masochist, if not because you were at some point victimized by a sociopath? Because you sure as hell aren't one- and you won't tell anyone why you are here.

      I deride only that which I think is contemptible. Don't blame me if you don't like what you see in the mirror.

    11. Alterego, You're like a zit that popped and splattered all over this page, and Haller is devouring your pussy excrement.

    12. And you're just a coward whose yellow-bellied guts I will gleefully gorge myself on. So keep those comments coming, and l'll stay well-fed. :)

  3. OP: The label is meaningless and useless (worse, actually due to the ignorance and stigma around it).

    Keep working on your impulse control - it sounds to me like you're ahead of most people that ask the question - good for you! You are in a position to decide what you want to do with your "gifts." You sound intelligent, so I hope university is open to you -

    Your blunted fear response can serve you well in many ways, as you go through life (provided you don't become self destructive). Your ability to do the cost-benefit analysis and act on it without compunction will also be useful as you learn to make better choices (learn more about the world and life - sounds like you're on you're way there too.

    Sex and love are fun - enjoy! But how you "bond" to people sounds sort of similar to me - you "choose" them and from there you act according to what you want to outcome to be. Here you'll need to learn from that heartbroken puppy dog that followed you around - another one might be a bit more...assertive.

    See, the labels only matter if you let them or if other people can find a way to label you and make it stick (i.e. witch hunt).

    My advice, don't worry about the label - focus on creating an orderly life for yourself.

    Good Luck!

    1. OP here. Yes, university is open to me. There was actually a phase where I was self-destructive thanks to adverse circumstances at home in my early teens, but I've learnt many lessons from that period now. And I do choose them, you're right there...

      Thanks a lot.

  4. OP,

    Your background, family life/parents, and consequences sound rather difficult, but focus on continuing to build strength from all of these factors, and forge ahead. While my parents were different from yours, and I did not endure terrible/harrowing abuse from them, it looks as though such experiences have also contributed to making you more resilient in life.

    The following is something that I strongly uphold, so I hope that it will clarify or explain some things to you as well. While this helps in certain situations, and it definitely has its valuable point in the movie in terms of fitting in/survival, there is only one TRUTH that I believe in, and that is being yourself no matter what happens: (This is how I am, but I am making a clear point in saying so, connecting it to the prior clip in its meaning.)

    Akin to a piece of clothing, a tag is not everything. Who you are, and what you choose to be, constitute the real answer. Above all, be EVERYTHING that you are instead of just a part of yourself. It is the most authentic state.

    1. OP here. Yes, they're chiefly the reason I had to toughen up. Thanks a lot.

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. OP: Damn. You sound *A LOT* like me.

    I have many sociopathic traits and a similar family background - except my mom stood up to my dad when I was growing up.

    But I refuse to wear that label. I think I'm subclinical and not thoroughly disordered, anyway. Or maybe that's what I tell myself because it suits me. I don't particularly care.

    I am also very blunt... But also quite cunning and manipulative. I don't even try to be; its just the way I operate. The two are not mutually exclusive. I am blunt because that is my nature, and I don't care what most people think of me- although there are exceptions. Even so, I have trouble not acting that way when it is inappropriate, such as in professional situations. I speak my mind and get over whatever potentially troublesome outcome may emerge almost instantaneously. If I alienate someone, oh well. Too bad.

    I score in the mid-twenties on the PCL-R, but I don't often cry when watching movies, or when listening to beautiful music- unless it is music praising God. For some reason, that does it, but only rarely. Apart from those differences, I could have written that post.

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. Also, necrophilia doesn't do anything for me. But apart from that... I really hear you on the hypersexual deviance thing. S/m is a great way to sublimate some of that stuff.

      You said you have a blunted fear response. Me too. I also have an underactive startle reflex. My husband and I spar sometimes, and he can throw a punch right to my face, and stop his fist 2mm away from my nose or cheek. I don't flinch. It is a running joke between us. Yes, I trust him, but that lack of a proper startle reflex has manifested in other scenarios, too.

      I found out later that this is a sign of an underactive amygdala, and is associated with clinical psychopathy. Test yourself one of these days.

    3. I bet ur husband is a pussy ass fake MA

    4. What is an "MA"?

      He used to box when he was younger. He's shown me some moves, but he would never actually hurt me.

      It's just play. You know, the kind of thing people do to have fun...? Sounds like you don't have much of a sense of it. :P

    5. OP here. I'm glad she did. I wouldn't be so vitriolic towards my mother if she just stood up to him once, properly, and put forth her own conditions. I don't necessarily think they're mutually exclusive, but manipulation requires forethought/delineating goals; not something I do often. No brain-to-mouth filter.

      It's interesting to know that we're so similar.

    6. Also, I've read about underactive amygdala and psychopathy, but not linked to a lack of fear response. Studies have also shown a link between a prominent Adam's Apple, digit ratios (ring finger longer than the index) and female psychopathy. I have those traits. I'm not a Necro, but I can be violently sadistic.

    7. Here is an excerpt from an article which touches on the psychopathic attenuation of the typical startle response:

      Additional studies support and extend this research, indicating that psychopaths' brains are somehow different than those of normal people. One series of studies, also by Christopher Patrick et al., compared the "startle" reaction of psychopaths and non-psychopaths.

      Patrick and colleagues showed pleasant, neutral, and unpleasant slides to psychopathic prisoners. Several times during each group of slides, a loud burst of noise was delivered through subjects' headphones. Normally, the researchers note, "the protective startle reflex evoked by an abrupt, intense stimulus increases reliably during exposure to aversive or fearful stimuli, a phenomenon known as fear-potentiated startle." Thus, the startle response should be heightened when a subject views an unpleasant slide. Conversely, the reaction normally is inhibited when a pleasant slide is viewed.

      In the experiments, non-psychopathic prisoners indeed reacted more strongly to the noise when they were viewing unpleasant slides, and less strongly during pleasant slides. "For psychopaths," the researchers note, "this normal pattern was not obtained. Instead of showing heightened startle reactions during exposure to aversive slides, the reactions of psychopaths were actually inhibited, relative to neutral slides."

      Other studies by Patrick et al. have produced similar results. The researchers conclude that "the absence of normal startle potentiation in psychopaths during exposure to aversive pictures or warning cues signifies a deficit in the capacity for defensive response mobilization, which is the essence of fear."

    8. OP here. Interesting excerpt, thanks A!

  7. Hello 17-year old female asian atheist!

    You demonstrate personality traits consistent with an ex of mine, who was raised by an abusive psychopath of a father and a meek mother who met all his demands. Thus, it is possible that your apparent psychopathic traits are in part due to both nurture and (50% through your father) nature.

    My experience with labels is that it's hard to get them to stick. Once you understand the traits that belong to various personality disorders, it becomes easy to interpret your thoughts and behaviors through their various lenses.

    Your primary dysfunction is intelligence coupled with introspection. Unless you suffer some pretty severe brain damage, those things are not going to go away. Blissfully, these introspective urges will wax and wane, like a whale surfacing for a gulp of air before sinking back into cool, dark depths.

    1. "Your primary dysfunction is intelligence coupled with introspection."

      I suspect you are being facetious in stating that this combination is dysfunctional. If anything, it is these qualities which will permit her to consciously adapt successfully to any environment, and leverage these traits to her advantage so as to gain influence and success.

      The trickiest part for me is developing better impulse control. Haller was right in emphasizing its importance in his response to the OP. If she can cultivate that at a young age, it will serve her very well. Poor impulse control is my Achilles' heel.

      But even that has its flipside. The ability to turn from something on a dime, to walk away from a crappy job that others might cling to miserably for security, regardless of the consequences, to take spontaneous risks, to go with the flow, and to make fast decisions... All of these things can be useful if applied correctly.

    2. Hi Schizoid, OP here.
      "Your primary dysfunction is intelligence coupled with introspection." Made me chortle. Thanks for the insight. I suppose I'm looking at these labels because I feel it's imperative I have everything compartmentalized and sorted in my head without compromising on my rationality. I wanted an unbiased perspective so I emailed ME.

    3. I find interesting that you should mention that. I hyper-compartmentalize everything.

    4. Damn, A. Next you'll be telling me that your MBTI type is INTJ and you lash out when angered by telling people they're 'incompetent'.

    5. Actually, my MBTI type is ENTP, and while incompetence has the potential to infuriate me within certain contexts, *how* I lash out at someone will be tailored specifically to what I have ascertained concerning their weaknesses, to which I am typically exquisitely attuned.

    6. 'Incompetent' is part of my repertoire of involuntarily spewed epithets. Can't stand incompetence; I see red. I used to be an ENTP in my early teens but my type has now settled on INTJ. Did you ever feel as a child that you never got enough opportunities to exhibit uncontrolled aggression, and so you took it out on people disproportionately in, say, martial arts classes?


    7. I am no stranger to involuntarily spewed epithets or seeing red, LOL. When I was around the the age you claim to be, I frequently got into violent altercations. If I felt a need to discharge aggression, I created my own opportunities by picking fights. At your age, if someone even looked at me askance at the wrong time, I would *gleefully* attack them. Any excuse would do. I slapped, hit, punched and spit on bus drivers, store managers, cashiers, classmates, boyfriends and others in my teens and early twenties, sometimes stupidly putting myself at considerable risk. My aggression took people off guard because I was visually striking, generally polite and charming, and very feminine looking. I used all of those attributes to my advantage, to destabilize and confuse my targets. But it is destroying my opponents in debates that always has, and still does, give me the *greatest* charge.

      I've mellowed out over the years. Now I sublimate a lot of that aggression- but it hasn't disappeared. While I'm nowhere near old enough to be a grandparent, the following quote by James Fallon really resonates with me:

      "I’m obnoxiously competitive. I won’t let my grandchildren win games. I’m kind of an asshole, and I do jerky things that piss people off,” he says. “But while I’m aggressive, my aggression is sublimated. I’d rather beat someone in an argument than beat them up.”(

      While I never would have had the discipline to study a martial art at your age, this would have likely provided me an excellent channel through which to refine and direct my aggression, whilst helping me to cultivate self-discipline and better impulse control. I wholeheartedly recommend it.

    8. Dissection and categorization are much easier when you're working with organs and the like. When it comes to thought processes and programming, you'll find that seemingly discrete aspects of your mind/personality flow into one another, and jamming them into little boxes labeled 'personality disorder A or B' becomes maddening.

      Everyone is biased, yourself, M.E., and me included. Compartmentalization is useful mostly for segregating and starving aspects of yourself that are detrimental. For me, the narcissism had to be starved. Also, incompetence is universal, so get used to it. I inform people of it by doing their jobs for them, when necessary. Hiding the look of disdain that threatens to display itself on my face is one of my greatest talents.

  8. Letter to Young folks

    Dear Young Folks

    If the suspicions were confirmed: would it matter? Would anything change other than that knowledge? Could it be used to brag about in a pub? Would it act as magnet for jobs or relationships? Do you see where this is going, young folks..?

    1. OP here. Nothing would change, other than the fact that I'd know for sure and then consciously take steps to serve my self-interest more harmoniously. (Case in point: impulse control)

  9. A do I know u? (MA stands for martial artist)

  10. Alterego Said: “Then, I morphed into a male pornographer with Tourette's (he was my favorite xD).”

    See, now you’ve gone and hurt my feeling. I thought I was the pornographer…or was it A?

    “Why else would you post here, masochist, if not because you were at some point victimized by a sociopath? Because you sure as hell aren't one- and you won't tell anyone why you are here.”

    Oh SNAP!!! Is HLHaller poise for a comeback?!?! Maybe Smartie really is looking for some abuse to make her feel like HER socio made her feel…letting her relive the pain/pleasure over and over again…

    1. “Why else would you post here, masochist, if not because you were at some point victimized by a sociopath? Because you sure as hell aren't one- and you won't tell anyone why you are here.”

      "Oh SNAP!!! Is HLHaller poise for a comeback?!?! Maybe Smartie really is looking for some abuse to make her feel like HER socio made her feel…letting her relive the pain/pleasure over and over again…"

      Snapping is bad for your health, HLH (i.e., control yourself, and all of your base, nauseating/sleazy and gay urges as seen in your comment above, along with other, similar comments you've posted). I have never been abused by anyone, and if anyone thinks they've abused me, they are simply wrong or delusional.

      Your feculent rubbish doesn't affect me. Likewise, you're "a worthless piece of crap." Go practice with someone else.

    2. Why should we go anywhere else for target practice when there is a great big bullseye conveniently located right on your great big ass? xD

      Don't let the door slam it on your way out, now. :)

    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    4. @Haller... I am alterego. I just used an old handle as a tongue-in-cheek reference that was applicable in my reply to Special Spaz.

      No worries. You can be the official resident pornographer. I'm not big on titles and labels, anyway. ;)

  11. U ppl r confusing. Someone help me find this site and that same person appears on my street, so im trying to find out what they want from me. (I thought "A" was that person)

    1. Why did you think I was that person?

    2. Because I referenced things that pertained to that person bfore on here and u replied

  12. I'm calling upon the people here to help M.E.
    I don't know how frequently M.E. actually looks at these posts.
    I have only 6 sources of information about M.E.:

    1) The Psychology Today article that first brought her to my attention.
    (I didn't have a computer at the time.)

    2) Her book, which I brought as a result of the publicity of the PT article.

    3) This blog site

    4) All the information that I could garner off the net about her. The discussions
    about her appearence and her "body" when people wanted to descern her
    true idenity. The reapeating photograph of her.
    She looks a lot like Jodi Arias.

    5) Her Dr. Phil appearence. She said she one day hoped to have a sociopathic
    child to mold.
    She didn't say much about "love" or whether she felt she was capable of
    experiecing the emotion.

    6) Her birth name was unmasked. I immeadiatly set to work to discover as many
    secrets about this wonderful woman as I could using Cauldeain Numerology
    as I could. (See Heather Lagan).
    I had the best write up a report on her. It was tempararliy posted on her blog.
    It was a "spot on" analysis of the REAL M.E. It was mysteriously removed
    a while later. I have no idea why.

    So why do I write this?

    One of the reasons M.E. started this blog is because she wanted "help."
    NOT for material concerns, BUT EMOTIONAL ONES. Most of the people who
    post here are Empaths. Let's help M.E.:

    1) Learn to love
    2) Find contentment and cheer
    3) Be freed from depression, anxitey, boredom, and troubling thoughts.

  13. what do you guys think of the gamer athene?

      "I improve, I adapt,.... that's how I play some pokers"

  14. A sadist: an inner "corpse" trying to live again by trying to get stimulated by the torture of others. Why is this "entity" mentioned as a sociopath all the time? I don´t think there could be a film or tv-series made with psychopathic characters without any murders or violence or lawbreaking. Why..?

  15. More than likely you are a semi-brain damaged victim of sexual abuse. Narcissists, such as you describe your father as being, are sometimes abusers of children before the age of memory in order to avoid the child remembering and accusing them later. I would put large amounts of money on your being choked as an infant or toddler. This is the time when children reiterate knowledge by doing, which is why play therapy works so well for child victims of abuse. It is called repetition compulsion and it means that the child victim repeats the abuse on others until the trauma is processed, which in people abused in this time of their life rarely happens because it is almost impossible to remember. I would suggest doing some of the heavier transformative drugs like ayuhuasca or ibogaine in order to see if you were abused this way in infancy. I would suggest that to anyone who shows signs of sociopathy or sadism.

    1. OP here. I remember being throttled by my father a year after I felt the urge to throttle babies. I was nearly always under my mother's supervision, I don't think he could've abused me as a child. And well, psychopathy is characterized by brain abnormalities which could show themselves in children who have been exposed to abuse as an adaptive trait. But to say that abuse is solely the causative factor when it comes to sociopathy/sadism is a misnomer. It could be inherent or genetic. Thanks for the insight though.

    2. Also, does ibogaine/ayuhuasca really work for repressed memories?

    3. Psychopathy is a complex defense mechanism that emerges as the consequence of environmental triggers (i.e: abuse or trauma), which provoke epigenetic changes in persons who are genetically predisposed to it, by virtue of possessing a certain cluster of personality traits. Nature provokes nurture, which in turn reinforces nature, and thus the cycle continues. I agree with SansDire that psychopathy is more akin to a personality type than a "disorder" per se, unless these traits manifest in ways that are destructive to the self or others. But even this is more accurately represented by a spectrum upon which one may slide during one's lifetime; typically non-disordered person may lapse into periods of disorder as the result of certain triggers, in much the same way as any personality might. In sociopathic individuals, this disorder will bear a characteristic pattern.

      One thing that I have remarked anecdotally as a result of my interactions with people who have sociopathic traits on this blog, is that these individuals possess a "voice" when they write that is relatively consistent. They also demonstrate strikingly similar thought processes. I have been astonished by how similar I am to others like myself, here. The OP is another case in point.

  16. Sociopath label or not or else - why focus on that instead of using your awareness of your behaviors, motivations and background to shape the person u want to be and choose the things u want to do, be and have?

    1. OP here. While I understand the general reticence that comes with putting labels on people, I pointed out elsewhere on this thread that I'm looking at these labels to paint a composite picture of myself. It satiates my need for compartmentalization, and allows me to delve into sociopathy deeper so that I can learn lessons from other people's experience. The trouble comes only if I let these labels define me.

  17. I'd class the author of this post as a troll - and a good one to be honest, unlike him or her :D

    1. Someone should make up something more extreme and send it to M.E. This isn't bad but I'd appreciate more cowbell.

    2. OP here. You're entitled to your opinion, I suppose, however misinformed it might be.

    3. It's easy to write a text like this one as you can easily find out that most people here share a similar background. Your behavior is nothing unusual if this isn't a fake text. You unconsciously picked up your father's behavior as you grew up because he was the one that's been "wearing pants" in your family. We're all power beings and as such we have a tendency to copy such behavior when being unconscious about it. You can call it attractiveness too. It's the same thing. Attractiveness/power boosts our ability to procreate and spread our genes so our brains reward us when we acquire it which further reinforces this behavior. Don't trust the labels - they're here only to sell the drugs. It's all a thing of nurture. The nature thing is a big hoax as psychiatry is a fake science - a modern day religion in another word.

    4. OP here.
      "It's easy to write a text like this one as you can easily find out that most people here share a similar background. Your behavior is nothing unusual if this isn't a fake text. "
      To that, I'll quote Wikipedia:
      An appeal to probability (or appeal to possibility) is the logical fallacy of taking something for granted because it would probably be the case (or might possibly be the case).

      I know all that. I accounted for that possibility. I asked the question on this forum to remove ambiguity. Thank you for your input.

  18. OP, I would conclude, from this writing and your responses in this thread,that you are indeed sociopathic.

    However, bear in mind that sociopathy is not one side of a binary state. It seems, from my experience and research, to be a sliding scale. One is a certain degree of 'sociopathic', not necessarily 'a sociopath'.

    I have been in an unusual kind of relationship with a sociopath for a long time (a decade, by now). His 'brain to mouth filter' has developed, through necessity, over the years that I have known him. Now, I find myself wondering whether he actually is sociopathic, as he has learned to hide it so well, and to charm people in unobtrusive ways.

    In the past, I considered it a certainty; the fact that he has camouflaged himself so far as to make me doubt this is probably yet more justification for believing it. For example, when he was 20, he would openly tell people that he liked to beat up women and then have sex with them. Now, he will not admit (even to me) to any distinctly sociopathic traits, such as a lack of empathy for the general human condition - never mind admit to people that he enjoys sexual violence.

    These traits of his are things that I know for sure:
    - sexual perversion (I have been sexually submissive to him for the whole ten years - although I do not count that as a universally sociopathic trait),
    - highly manipulative (although, in general, he uses this to positive effect in 'training me')
    - an absolute lack of sexual / emotional / relationship jealousy
    - very significant self-confidence
    - feels extremely comfortable being in control, can silence people with a look, has been known to have 'undesirable' colleagues fired, when they have caused 'drama' (i.e. displayed uncontrolled emotional behaviour - which he does not tolerate)

    So, OP, my point with this is that I believe you are selling sociopaths short. Yes, they can be unempathetic, uncaring, manipulative and sadistic, but these traits do not preclude affection, charity or making people happy - sometimes, even simply for the sake of it. If you follow the pattern I have seen with the above, and other, sociopaths, you will 'mature' into being more calculating and more outwardly pleasant, as this is what is required to survive in the working world.

    The other reason for my opinion on your sociopathy is the way you have described your traits. Not only do you describe very clear sociopathic traits, you also describe them in a sociopathic way. You are direct. You don't linger over any part, not even the sadism. You are completely to the point, and there is no overt arrogance in your tone. Everything simply 'is', even while you are describing strangling babies. You are not cruel; you are not kind. You just /are/. This, if nothing else, had me thinking 'yes, this is definitely a sociopath' halfway through your initial description.

    Other minor points that I would make are that; you are clearly highly intelligent; your written language is not gendered (i.e. you come across as neither male nor female - you might want to work on that); you are clearly not ruled by emotions, as most 17 year-old girls are (although I would never presume to call you a 'girl'); your written language style and writing level would be considered to be clearly adult, if you had not revealed your age. All of this shows such an independence of thought and being, that it can only be said of someone who is somehow 'disconnected' from society.

    Your relationship, in this, is irrelevant. You have clearly found someone you can show, and feel, affection for. I'm happy for you.

  19. OP here. Thanks for your input. I appreciate your point about selling sociopaths short; I wouldn't have realised I was doing this had you not pointed it out. 'You just /are/' is an intriguing observation.

    You say I should work on making my written language more gendered. Why?

  20. OP, thank you for your reply.

    In my experience, sociopathic people don't talk themselves up overmuch; their confidence is internal, and does not need much validation from the external world. From what I can tell, it is more of a 'confirmation' if any validation does occur.

    A lot of what I see online, about 'sociopaths' being evil people who take everything from people that they can get and leave a trail of destruction, is simply untrue. My theory is that most of the accused people are actually suffering from NPD or other disorders - one has to be distinctly irrational to burn so many bridges all at once.

    Being matter-of-fact about one's actions - both cruel and kind - is much more 'real'. Sociopathy is nothing if not utilitarian and fairly self-serving. So much nastiness does not serve the self at all. Your post is an excellent example; you are unfailingly polite and accepting of people's criticisms because that is what will get you what you want (new perspectives on your conception of self). Causing an argument or ignoring the answers would be equally possible, but not nearly so productive. Honesty, in this context, is also the most productive approach.

    To answer your question about the your textual gender:

    This is an observation of mine, that female sociopaths are much easier to spot when they are un-gendered in their self-expression. I think this is to do with the particular socialisation of women.

    Sociopathic people are very resistant to socialisation (at least the unconscious kind) and this works out fine for male sociopaths; a lot of sociopathic traits are more acceptable for males (or at least tolerated). However, women are expected to display a degree of conformity in social behaviour that men are not held to so rigorously. Being a person who does not, in general, conform to these rules makes the requirement very evident to me.

    The female sociopathic people I have met are, to me, very obvious - especially the 'new' ones ('young' doesn't quite seem the right word). I suspect that other people notice something a little off, as well. To me, it is a give-away; to others, it is at least unusual. It may make you stand out for the wrong reasons. Cultivating even a temporary textual gender would be useful, I think.

    However, for my personal preference, I would not have you change a thing. You are quite spectacular as you are.

    If you are willing, it would be good to talk to you on this subject by email. You can contact me, at this address, if you like: You can be assured that I am not insane; this is a completely disposable email address. It is just a rare and pleasant thing for me to meet a 'new' sociopathic person after so many years. There is a strange vertigo in it - and that is a heady thing, for me.


Comments on posts over 14 days are SPAM filtered and may not show up right away or at all.

Join Amazon Prime - Watch Over 40,000 Movies


Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.