Thursday, May 28, 2009

Your sociopath questions answered

From a reader's comment, my responses are in bold:
It's strange to me that sociopaths are supposedly not capable of empathy, not "love", but can you have affectionate feelings toward other people? Yes. Many sociopaths express love for family and other "favorites." Their "love" means whatever it means, maybe the love you have for a favorite pet, or a child, or a favorite band, or an old comfortable pair of jeans. And can you really tell if you do or don't? Can anyone? Can you Hate? Do you get angry? Is there a difference between anger and hate other than permanence? If there is a difference besides permanence, then i don't think I experience hate, just anger.

I have watched Dexter, and to me he hasn't fit the profile of what I have thought of as a sociopath, other than that he kills without remorse. But he only kills BAD people. I am not a killer, but when I hate someone I think if I COULD kill them without anyone ever knowing, and there were NO chance I would be caught, I would. And I wouldn't feel bad about it. But I can't be sure of that, cause I'm not going to try it. Do you think Dexter would feel bad if he killed only good people? Are sociopaths defined by their actions? Or how they feel about their actions?

Dexter also SEEMS to care about that stupid, annoying simpering girlfriend of his. I have read that sociopaths like to play with and torment people that they have relationships with, and man, not even being a sociopath, I would be tempted to squash HER. Maybe you are also a sociopath. He seems to care about her children, too. I think it is easier for sociopaths to be fond of children than adults. They have similar views of the world, in certain ways, and children seem so guileless compared to the typical hypocrite that is the adult empath. So.. you guys are confusing! Not really.

I also don't think Jeffrey dahmer was a sociopath.. He seemed to feel bad about what he did. I Do think our ex president was, and maybe ones before him. Not sure if you have to be drawn to "bad" things if you have no conscience? No, not necessarily. It is common misconception that just because you do not have a conscience, you would just indulge in every "bad" thing available to you. There are other motivating factors behind human decisions besides consciences. For instance, you claim to have a conscience, and yet you would readily kill "bad" people if you could be certain you would not be caught. Consciences are overrated and flawed anyway. Are you necessarily drawn to pulling the wings of flies and torturing puppies? Why that and not curiosity about other things? Or is there? Not torture and mayhem for all sociopaths, everyone has their own personal preferences. Imagine stroke victims or other brain damaged people who lose their inhibitions. They don't act crazy so much as act like an unfiltered, unadulterated version of themselves. Each sociopaths is still a unique individual, what sets us apart collectively from empaths is that we have different ways of interacting with the world. Ok, that's all. IF you can make out any coherent questions in that that you feel like answering... And then I have to try to determine whether you're BSing me! Oh, and what's this with COMRADERIE with other sociopaths? Having this blog... Dexter wanting a friend, companion, not wanting to be alone? I would think that sort of thing would be ant psychopathological. So what do I know? Human beings are social animals. Isolation drives us crazy. There is nothing about sociopathy that would prevent us from wanting human contact, to avoid loneliness, to be deeply understood and appreciated.


  1. in my opinion bush and cheney both are. although i think bush is to a lesser extent.

  2. I do not believe that sociopaths have the ability to love. If they could love then that would mean that they would have to consider the other persons feelings in the decisions that they make which they do not do. I dated a sociopath. He is a horrible parent although he professes his love for his daughter. Obviously his love isn't strong enough to filter her from seeing the many women and flings he parades in and out of his life or getting him to give up some of his own time and fun to devote to having raised her properly. His selfishness always comes first, that does not allow room for love. I don't even think that he is able to love himself since he has no concept of loving others which is why his life is now a mess because of his selfish actions although he will never admit to his life being a mess. His favorite line is "shit happens in live". It's never I did something wrong and this is the consequence, I need to change. I do believe that sociopaths may favor someone but that is only for what that person is supplying for them be it sex, power, or money. That devotion is extremely unstable though, they are just as quick to hate and want that person dead the minute they are of no use to them. In fact I believe that once the "favored person" becomes of no more use to them they want them to pay for that fact and suffer. They will enjoy crushing their "favorite" person more than a stranger.

    1. Wrong... I was diagnosed with Sociopathic personality disorder as well as a list of other "personality 'disorders'" when I was 17 (now 27). I love my family, but not for the same reasons you love yours. I loved my last girlfriend, but only because I was so enthralled with her body. I love myself more than anything though; I've been called selfish, arrogant and cruel. I cause pain and physical harm to animals because it amuses me (though I rarely cause death as that could land me in trouble and jail is not for me. The last time I was there it took everything in me not to jam a sharpened toothbrush into my neighbors neck), I've even stopped caring if people know, whereas I used to hide it as a child.

      I eventually walk away from every friendship I cultivate for some reason or another and I never look back. Once you have lost my attention or even what little affection I can garner, you will never get it back, ever, no matter how hard you try, you might as well be dead as far as I am concerned. I've given up countless friendships and relationships, sometimes without reason. It makes me smile when an ex cries in my face, they think I'm sick or that I hate them. I don't hate them though, I just really don't care at all about their ridiculous feelings and notions of providence and destiny or how they feel about me.

      I opened someone's forehead with a baseball bat once (assault, not murder, though it could have easily gone the other way I think), I feel no remorse, amusement is more or less what I feel. The sight of the blood on his hands, face and chest made me smile and still represents a fond memory for me; something about knowing that he will constantly be reminded of what I did to him whenever he stares into a mirror is gratifying to me, the fact that his scars will always represent ME and what I did (Abnormal, I know). I know it was wrong, but I still enjoy the memory.

      My father was killed, shot in the chest, I did not cry and felt no pain, only slight surprise.

      Lying is a natural thing for me, I'm not ashamed, dishonesty and indiscretion can be very valuable tools. I once had a girl fly all the way across the country under the premise that I wanted her only so she could buy me the things I needed for what I was working on. After I got what I needed I sent her back home, I think she was a little mad lol

      My point in all this is this: While at one time I rejected my "condition", I now embrace it as simply another way to think that most people just don't understand. It doesn't mean I can't feel anything at all, just that I don't feel emotions the same way that you do (Judge me not). Do you think that makes you better than me? I certainly don't, in fact, I think it makes people like me and your ex better than you, stronger, not constrained by meaningless emotions, and not held down by the bonds of frivolous care & sycophantic formalities which "normal" people fall back onto so readily. My "condition" allows me peace, yours causes you nothing but pain and frustration. I pity you and everyone like you, what a joy it is not to feel that but what I wish to feel.

    2. @anon what part were you disagreeing with her about?

    3. To anonymous on November 12th:

      And I pity you. You will never know the contentment and happiness that actually caring about (which is a large part of what loving is... clearly sociopaths misuse/misapply the word to whatever it means for them, which isn't the actual meaning of the word) a fellow human being brings. I don't believe sociopaths can feel the connectedness that emotional empathy brings... you clearly can't. You see it as a weakness but it isn't that simple - it's also a kind of strength that you will never be privy to and that makes me sad for you. How terrible life would be, I think, to be a human-looking shell of a person. Very sad indeed.

  3. J obviously did not read your blog post. I agree with you, why is it that a sociopath would immediately just start being a terrible person? I am pretty sure I am a sociopath as well. I fit the definition closely. I don't feel emotions, love, happiness, even sadness. This fact has yet to cause me to do anything truly bad. I don't feel the emotions but I rationalize them. They do take a place in my decision making. I know that I have a connection between a lot of people: love. Nothing is bothering me, or I achieved a goal or attained great pleasure from something: happiness. Something is not working for me: sadness. I think sociopaths can feel secondary emotions, where its not as much of a feeling as it is just a path of thought. To be annoyed, you think about something that annoyed you. Bored: you don't have anything to occupy your mind. Content: Thinking freely, nothing in your way, maybe even relaxed. I feel like I also lack the human emotion of Bigotry. I'm not racist, I don't treat women differently than men, I don't "hate" people, but sometimes people do enough things to annoy me that every time I see them I get into that train of thought. I think the lack of malicious human emotions is an evolutionary step for the good.
    Imagine, if the Presidents were sociopaths the same way I've described (which I think many people are, it could easily go undiagnosed), then they wouldn't have ordered to drop atomic bombs, to start wars over religion, etc.

    I doubt anyone will read this. Even so, I'll probably post again in a while, I like the train of thought I was on.

  4. Ryan. Appreciate your post. I gained understanding from it based on your self view. It was worth reading.

  5. I really hope that sociopaths really can get a feel for what emotions are. I really want to be able to confirm that my friendship with this girl who is a sociopath isn't fake. i know she uses me but she doesn't do it with the intention to hurt me. she's really possessive of me. she might consider me to be a favorite, at least i think she does. Every chance she gets she always tells me she loves me and will always protect me, as if i was a little bird she just can't help but take care of. She lives up to it too. a person confronted me right in front of her and she beat the shit out of them, and it took everything i had in me to stop her. She only stopped when she saw i was crying. But even though its like this she is a professionally diagnosed sociopath and its obvious in the way she acts around people other than me.

    1. As about myself, i do have emotions. I just dont receive the emotions others are projecting.

  6. I dont really know because i like tobe alone but i also like to be with people not because i like them u hate adults i think most of them are irrational dumb asses but i do like to cause mayhem in life between people i think its funny

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