Saturday, June 27, 2015

Who am I

This is a little bit of a change up, from a reader who doesn't identify as sociopath but is not sure if she is quite normal either:

First and foremost, I would like to congratulate you on writing a gripping, thought-provoking and well-informed book. I finished reading Confessions of a Sociopath just five minutes ago and was impressed so much so that I felt the need to contact you immediately. 

I am an eighteen year-old studying English Literature at university. A friend who studies psychology gave me her copy of your book upon her departure back to the U.S after a year of studying abroad on the premise of my own mental health disorder(s). Thus far, I am unsure if there is a 'name' to my disorder, but I wanted to e-mail you regarding how much your book has helped me come to terms with my condition (or lack thereof).

Currently, my diagnosis is rather linear in accordance with the NHS' apparent lack of effort and empathy (oh, the irony); I have depression and anxiety. The first I was diagnosed with at the age of 11, the second 16, but on the premise of years of evidence indicative of the condition. For a while I was somewhat satisfied with the diagnosis - it largely covered the traits that were evident to myself and my nearest and dearest. Then, it became apparent to me that there was much more to my mental health - things that I had not only concealed from my friends and family, but denied knowledge of despite their prevalence in my life. 

I do not intend to diagnose myself as a sociopath, if that is what this e-mail seems to be indicating - I don't believe I am one. I have regular anxiety attacks and feel love and pain, and I have a strong moral sense of right, wrong and guilt, leading me to confess my wrong-doings on a frequent basis to those closest to me. However I am a compulsive liar - I lie to everyone about a plethora of things (strangely enough rarely about what I have done wrong), and I am inherently violent. I exhibit manipulation that aligns with that of a sociopath, although it is rarely anything beyond nudging someone if they stand in my way. I do not take pleasure in manipulating people if it does not benefit me or will effect them in the long term - not only due to the consequences, but because my moral compass does not allow it. However I frequently feel the rush and thrill of lying to someone, and of twisting situations into my favor. I have a thirst for knowledge and intelligence, and thrive off of the expression of shock and submission when I know something - anything - that someone else does not.

It seems to me that I am an awkward, semi-functional hybrid between an empath and sociopath, sprinkled with emotional disorders and physical ones, to boot. As of late I have been questioning my identity and worth to society due to these issues, and above all else, your book helped me to realize that there is progression towards understanding and awareness of the potential good that lies dormant within even the most seemingly hopeless of cases - for that I thank you.

And, finally, thank you again for reminding me and the crippled structure that we call 'society' that mental health disorders, especially those prevalent from birth, exist, but are not something to fear.


13 comments:

  1. Far enough: either or!

    ReplyDelete
  2. "It seems to me that I am an awkward, semi-functional hybrid between an empath and sociopath, sprinkled with emotional disorders and physical ones, to boot. As of late I have been questioning my identity and worth to society due to these issues..."

    When society places 'worth' upon an individual, whatever the criteria, it behaves precisely in the manner to which it objects regarding sociopathy. An irony I am sure is not lost on the readers and owner of this blog. Your original post was written with intelligence and self-awareness, so you don't need me to tell you that your identity belongs firmly to yourself ;)

    For the rest, will accounts for a great deal: we're all a work in progress until that final moment. We can't choose what genetics and early environment serve us, but we can choose what we do with those things.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Possibly maybe even you are borderline -sociopath the two can coexist. Borderlines do split and change into different modes and usually have deeper depression than most. When the splitting phrase occurs , it looks much like sociopathy. I've heard it said that borderlines act like part time sociopaths and the empathy they experience is distorted somewhat. Too much and then not enough.. Different schema modes/personality kinda rule the borderline.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Take heart. You're only 18 and have a lot of life left. You're NOT
    cut off from mankind. And you're NOT living a "living" death.
    The very fact that you "worry" whether you are a sociopath shows you can't
    be one. I assure you that those two escaped prisoners in N.Y. didn't waste any
    time wondering whether they were sociopaths. They had the typical sociopathic
    powers over a woman as you can see. I tell you a psychopath can be triple
    locked in prison, live in a cubical and still find a way into a woman's pants.
    It also works for women sociopaths if they look like Casey, Amanda, or Jodie.
    I fully expect that Jodi will be running that penatentory.
    But M.E. is no sociopath. Sociopaths don't run a blog for 7 long years unless
    they get something from it. You could say it was to sell her book. But why
    continue? I had M.E.'s name gone over by one of the greatest numerologists.
    She briefly posted her response. It was VERY through. If M.E. payed for such a
    reading it would have cost hundred's of dollars. The numerologist removed
    the reading? Why? Could she have been warned off by M.E.?
    Anyhow, my suggestion could make M.E. a bundle: Colaberate with Casey on a
    book. M.E. takes in the money, but shares the profits with Casey. This allows
    Casey to get the T.V. interview. It causes contraversy and outrage for a while,
    but things settle down.
    Casey must make a FULL confession. She must reinact the crime on location.
    Casey will profess regret (She must refrain from making a "duping grin.")
    At the very least, if M.E. takes Casey under her wing, she will have a friend and
    a job as a paralegal. She will live in the Morman community. She will be
    surrounded with brethen.
    How could both M.E. and K.C. pass on such a deal? It strengthens the
    "sociopathic credentials" of M.E. and brings K.C. a second chance at life.
    Why, the reality show would be bigger then the Kardashians. Wouldn't THAT
    make them MAD! The show's name would be "M.E. and K.C."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lonnie the Loonie. You obsessive twat. You have M.E.'s life alllll figured out for her, don't you?
      If you spent half as much time focusing on your own affairs as on hers, maybe you wouldn't stay stuck in the same dead-end ruts and routines, year after year, as you waste your life wallowing in your pathetic obsessions. It easier to critique and "counsel" the objects of your loathing and lust from afar, than to take responsibility for your own life, and your personal and professional failures.

      You say your astrological chart makes you repulsive, but I tell you that it is the stench of self-defeat, which clings to you like plaque on bad teeth.

      I see through your bullshit, Lonnie. I know you're lying when you say that you think Casey tried to contact you. You just wish it were true. You like the little bit of drama it injects into your boring life.

      Just like that little story you concocted about the wild animal is an expression of your disdain, admiration and fear of sociopaths- especially the females- and a pathetic attempt to connect in your awkward, dysfunctional way. We're just wild animals, after all. And as you know, if you poke a scorpion often enough, it will sting...

      I wonder what depraved, masochistic desires flit across your mind's eye as you rub yourself off alone at night, reveling in your fear and lust of us? Do you want to be stalked and chased? Tortured? How would it make you feel if one of us crept in through that open window late at night, and gave you what you want...?

      But don't lose any sleep over it, Loonie. Nobody here would bother. Unlike you, we have lives- and luckily for you, most of us are not psychotic.

      You're just a sad, obsessed little man, lost in your banal fantasies. They are all you have. If I were more empathetic, I might be inclined to feel sorry for you.

      You have a nice day, now. :)

      Delete
  5. I like you "A." I really do. I wouldn't expect you would fess up to being
    Casey, the "A" COULD be short for "Anthony." If you ARE Casey,
    let me clearify something: When I said, that you didn't show emotion over
    your daughter's death, I didn't mean you didn't care for your daughter.
    There was SOME part of you that WANTED to be a mother. After all, you have
    the Moon in Cancer in the 11th house. (Me too.) You put that little heart shaped
    sticker on the duct tape. You did care for your daughter in your slightly
    empathetic way, like, say the Ramsey's cared for Jon Benet. Her parents
    (After carefully wiping up the evidence) redressed her a tenderly wrapped her
    up in a blanket. Nothing "that a small foreign faction" would do.
    Casey, you are still young and have the charm and magnetism of a person born
    in the Year Of The Fire Tiger. With your number 19 birthday and 37 life path
    you DO look out for number 1. If your life had only taken a slightly different turn
    it would have been YOU that we see in the movies rather then Lindsay Lohan
    or Amanda Bines. Look what's going to be our next president.
    They say you're through, that you're washed up, and that you can never have a
    quality life. Not so. With the Tiger/#1 toughness you have, you can prevail
    and you've come to the right spot. The spot that I'd pray you come to.
    M.E. is the ONLY person who can guide and help you. She is the only self
    admitted sociopath in society and a sucessful published aurthor. Only she
    can offer you what you need.
    I posted all those kind comments about you for a few reasons:

    1) I felt mercy for your plight. (Even though I knew you were tough enough to
    prevail.)

    2) I knew based on my magnifcent personality systems, you would be forced
    to go it alone. None of your other "fans" or even family members know you
    as much as I do. I COULD NEVER HATE YOU, knowing what I uncovered.

    3) I knew it was a total lark that a 45 year recluse would even have temporary
    use of a computer. (I'm STILL not computer literate.) For any number of
    reasons, I'm not going to be around much longer and a wanted to get the
    message out before the plug was pulled figeratively and literally.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow. You are so fucking crazy. That WASN'T Casey Anthony writing to you, you dumbass.

      Delete
    2. Omg,, Anon 457 you is crossing the delusional line. Get sum help for ur own mental health.

      PS, I am Casey ! I never killed my daughter , my daddy used to fuck me and stick his fat cock in my mouth before school and set me up pretty good. I wanted to save my daughter from molestation as he was in on her next. The law is on his side cuz he's a police officer. There's a possible theory you can think of aswell. Yes, I'm pretty fucked up as a result of my upbringing that was in secret. My dad was a high standing abiding citizen, but my mouth had to be around his cock for sum reason. He's just as fucked up as me.

      Delete
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  8. More people need to be on http://sociopath-community.com/

    !!! it used to be connected to this blog but was disconnected over a year ago. We need fresh blood and lots of interesting things have happened recently (relates to kiwifar.ms drama: https://archive.is/M2tXa) that will go down in the forum's history! Be sure to check out http://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-personality/ too, as some of its regulars are regulars on SC too!

    Goddamn ME refused to reconnect the blog to the forum so we SC goers will just have to spam advertisements for the forum in the comments section. ;)

    ReplyDelete

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