Thursday, June 13, 2013

Gentleman sociopath?

If not morals, why might a sociopath choose to do something "good" or help people? A reader recently wrote about how his sense of aesthetics keeps him from doing anything base, such as brute strength violence.

Similarly, from another sociopathic reader regarding the existence of the "gentleman sociopath":

I have read as many materials about sociopathy. It seems that the clinical model tend towards the violent and lack of self-awareness of the afflicted. I'm confused by that. I have over forty years and have done phenomenally well but there is a certain dichotomy to my nature that challenges what I read. Self-awareness is something I have in spades. It comes in waves but the overall tenets of my meticulous adaptation and mimicry have served me well. I am reasonably successful perhaps even quite successful. I am a charismatic individual that can engender such passionate responses but I don't quite get their ultimate utilitarian value. I am fully capable of expressing emotion though it typically is self-serving. I find people useful and fascinating and in my job I am an outgoing and rather likable chap. I know what to say to make the ends meet. But the act itself is mechanical. You are the first I have read that seems to be broadening the understanding of the bonds that bind us together and yet I wonder, what of the gentleman sociopath. The one who realizes that the flashes of violence and utter revulsion at humanity leaves the efforts to connect empty and like a well played out theatrical piece. One of which I am always the star; even if I sit back and do nothing of great significance I manage to impact other positively. But I fail to see the reward. Is this all there is? A chance encounter, fleeting, where love is extricated for my benefit and validation of my greatness. Psychotherapy and psychology seem only to capture the seen and make formulaic profiles of those who manage to fall into the system. I have absolutely no desire to be anything else. There is an elegance in the primal connection to my stripped bone need to see the tethers that bind us to this false sense of social propriety.

But these tethers that bind us all demand to be plucked so that I can rest assured my genius is not wasted. I am not adverse to violence and my sexual appetites are gruesome at best. But I have control of them despite a few slip ups. I appreciate greatly the time you took to read my letter.  What Answer I receive from you will be welcome.

I have lived long enough to grow tired of the clinical definitions and confines of sociopathy. There are many of us who have formed quite mutually beneficial bonds with one another and find success in a tedious world a far better path than the wanton rebellion. I suppose, while I will be frank in admitting I haven't the foggiest idea of what drew me to your writings, you must have seemed to at least be less rigid in your understanding of this particular detachment. Except with those like me, I have never before felt an interest to express this. You also are likely aware that I would be remiss if I didn't say that any questions you have for me would be welcomed.


  1. First!

    I am not adverse to violence and my sexual appetites are gruesome at best.

    Perhaps it's just me, but it seems that *everyone* on this blog is downright kinky. :)

    1. One of ME's reviews was funny. It said SW is made up of wannabe psychopaths and weirdos.

    2. A self-professed genius who doesn't know the difference between adverse and averse.

    3. Pseudo intellectuals are the only people who go site to site bitching about a slight word usage mishap.

      There are 250,000 words in the English language and many people speak multiple languages.

      Don't be a pedantic douche.

  2. There seems to be an increasing body of anecdotal evidence surfacing via this blog, that there are a number of us who to varying degrees identify with the sociopath model, but who do not recognise or have a diagnosis of "personality disorder".
    I realise that there is a sliding scale, but it increasingly seems to me that the one thing which will tip the balance is impulse control.
    With impulse control in place it doesn't matter what goes on inside our heads. Others only know what we show them. The absence of impulse control is possibly a personality in its own right as without it you will wreck your life. No matter how nice you are, one mistake can send things into a tailspin. A series of them and you don't stand a chance.
    With reference to ME's annoyance at people pointing out food stuck in her teeth and expecting gratitude, TV has taught me that this is an intimacy display like apes grooming each other. There is a taboo on entering each other's personal space without an invitation, but pointing out spinach in teeth or errant clothing labels is like a knock at the door. It isn't gratitude people want so much as to see if they are invited further in to your space.

    1. I think there are plenty of people with poor impulse control who are not sociopaths... most teenagers, for example! But seriously, I don't understand how a sociopath can be both cunning, manipulative and spend simply ages gathering information on people that they might one day need to use and yet also have poor impulse control. Because wouldn't they sometimes get the impulse to say "you are so stupid, you don't even relise that I am trying to manipulate you!" to their hapless victims? Or perhaps they would impusively disclose their cunning plans to someone, as they would have no remorse at their wicked ways being discovered, anyway. If they were truly a sociopath, then they would have an ego that was impossible to dent, so why would they bother trying to win people over and obtain power through manipulation? Because why on Earth would power even matter to somone who already had a massive ego and thought so well of themselves? I can't understand sociopaths and I can't help thinking they are posers!

      The 'gentleman sociopath' above seems to me like he wants to be a character from a 19th century european novel, and I can't for the life of me think why. Is that part of being a soiciopath, that you like to pretend to be someone that you could not possibly be?

      I would say that I believe most people have a fluctuating relationship with empaphy- sometimes we feel it a lot more than other times. And most people are manipulative to an extent, especially if they work in sales or as fortune-tellers!


    2. @larma You call it impulse control, and I call it caution. I have an abundance of caution, too much even. I avoid even the smallest risks, with very low costs. The true problem I have is that I overthink many things, blowing up small issues until they reach fantastic proportions and I've lost sight of reality. I try to stop those thought chains as soon as I realize I'm having them. Occasionally though, I will get caught up and act on them. That's where I make mistakes, where I confuse fantasy and reality and make decisions based on my fantastical musings.

      @SR You seem to have an interesting misconception!

      "I don't understand how a sociopath can be both cunning, manipulative and spend simply ages gathering information on people that they might one day need to use"

      All the information gathering I need can be done in 5-10 minutes of conversation. It is automatic and effortless. Now, before you get all flustered, please realize that I do not consider myself a sociopath. Despite this, I think I have a modest understanding of the sociopathic perspective.

      "Because wouldn't they sometimes get the impulse to say "you are so stupid, you don't even relise that I am trying to manipulate you!" to their hapless victims?"

      I see nobody as a potential 'victim' or 'target'. I just like to get to know people, how they feel and think. Unfortunately for them, I am exceptionally good at it. They are victims only in that they feel that I think they are special, somehow. In reality, I can relate very well to anyone and everyone around me. I don't want to be a braggart, but I can easily become anyone's best friend, or perfect partner. I learn and adjust to people so quickly that it seems I started as their perfect match.

      "I can't understand sociopaths and I can't help thinking they are posers!"

      You are right, you can't understand sociopaths. I can't speak for Emmie or anyone else who claims to be a sociopath, but many things they say resonate with me. Alterego is fiercely protective of her children, and would kill to protect them. I don't have children, but if I did I am certain I would be the same. Emmie has stated multiple times that the anecdotes about her life that she shares here constitute a small portion of her activities. I would not be surprised if her daily interactions with people mirror my own.

      Maybe the only difference between me and normal people is that I realize and will freely admit that I am capable of doing terrible things. Most people will vehemently deny this until the day they look down at their hands covered in blood, horrified and yell, "What have I done?!"

      I on the other hand will see blood on my hands and calmly state, "I know what I have done."

    3. I on the other hand will see blood on my hands and calmly state, "I know what I have done."

      Universally killing is an extreme and ultimate measure. Would it be wrong or over simplistic to presume that when it comes to a shove, sociopaths would kill as a strategy whereas empaths would kill in reaction to principle or passion?

    4. Anon, 1:38 SR

      “If they were truly a sociopath, then they would have an ego that was impossible to dent, so why would they bother trying to win people over and obtain power through manipulation? Because why on Earth would power even matter to someone who already had a massive ego and thought so well of themselves? I can't understand sociopaths and I can't help thinking they are posers!”

      They don’t do it for their ego, they do it to get what they want. They always want something and people are seen as useful tools to get it. Once they have their goal they are happy to be successful, and they continue to the next target. It is about self-satisfaction with no qualms. To master manipulation/control is a way to get what they want quicker, and they are impulsive so they are happy to get it fast as possible and continue with another target or having multiple targets.

      “Because wouldn't they sometimes get the impulse to say "you are so stupid, you don't even relise that I am trying to manipulate you!" to their hapless victims?”

      They don’t care about the victims at all, if the victims are stupid they just succeed quicker. They care just about their goals so they have no impulse to disclosure any information to them or to anyone, unless they think to tell will give them a benefit, like Jamie and writing her book.

    5. GagReflex

      That's exactly it. Empaths would commit a crime in very extreme cases, and they will even regret having committed them (crime of passion) and do the entire possible not to do it again. For the sociopath it will be pure strategy to fulfill his self-interest, which makes them so dangerous, only if they think the consequences will be on them worse than the benefits they will be persuaded not to commit a crime. There will be no remorse and no intention of changing their behavior. They know what they did, why they did it, and they will do it again because they feel entitled to do it.

    6. A strategic criminal act is a calculated risk. The awareness of consequences is always present. Minimizing disruption is preferred. If destabilization occurs, it's just a means not an end. A criminal act due to failure or flaw in cognition is internal and subjective. Hence unpredictable and unfathomable. It has no interest to minimize disruption. It's driven only by the need to restore an internal balance at all cost.

    7. Why don't you consider extreme selfishness also the "need to restore an internal balance at all costs"?

    8. @ Jessi 636 & Andy Glass (because I would like to hear your insight on this one) - I have know a sociopath for a little over 4 years now. I didn't realize what he was until just recently when I started thinking back on our conversations and began to put things together. All along he has been trying to tell me in his cryptic kind of way what he is.
      It fascinates me that he would give me bits and pieces of information about what is going on with him, and then when I would ask direct questions, he would deny or change the subject. Is he "disclosing" or taunting?

    9. Selfishness can never be self detrimental. So it is a price that won't be considered in a selfish criminal act.

      On the other hand, when a person acts criminally out of hate, spite or passion, pretty much anything goes, including self destruction.

      So do you see where there's still a degree of damage control? In spite of it being obviously less morally palatable, in some situations, that may be significant.

    10. *edit* Selfishness can never be intentionally self detrimental.

    11. Anon 11:06

      You don't say much about what he is telling you. Maybe he is trying to get your acceptance on his behavior so he can afterwards use it as an tacit consent from your side if he needs it but at the same time he can also use he has deny when he needs it to. Take care on what you are implicitly accepting and check where those bits of information point.


    12. Damage control of the criminal towards the criminal. I don't know where you want to go with your argumentation. I care about the damage on the innocent victim.


    13. @11:06 Everyone, even sociopaths, desires to connect with people on a personal level. Your sociopath values your opinion of him, so he is probably very hesitant to tell you what he is.

      You didn't ask for advice, but I'll give it anyway. Let him wear his mask around you, you'll both be happier. Just keep in mind that he may remove it in the future, and be prepared for that. Life is a game, play along, and have fun :)

    14. @ Jessi and Andy Glass -
      A couple of days/weeks after he has acted like a total ass, he would send a rambling email and/or text. Sometimes he would be telling me that his brain is always going and that he wants to be happy and he thinks maybe if he was less deceptive he would be, or how his brain is always thinking and how he wants our friendship to continue but he can't tell me what kind of friendship he wants from me. Or he wants to be friends but he knows that all things come to an end. He often mentions being "selfish" and "wanting his cake and eating it too" . He has stated that he is "fearless", yet has called himself a pessimistic chicken (?). He also mentions that he is used to people not knowing the real him and /or about keeping his real self hidden.
      There are many more thing, including his physical behaviors/reactions to things, but these emails/text and how he talks about and describes his relationships with his family, how we came to be friends and some of the history of his life that he shares with me - lead me to believe that yes, he is a sociopath. I am just confused as to why he bothered to share with me.... why all the "hints"? If a sociopath doesn't disclose, what could he gain from telling me these things?

    15. Maybe he's doing a little soul-searching. I thought I was a sociopath, then I thought I wasn't, and now I'm not 100% sure.

      If being a sociopath means I have to hurt the people I care about, or people that I may care about in the future, then I refuse to be a sociopath. I may have very little affective empathy, no guilt, and no remorse, but I have some measure of control over my will. I am not perfect, and never will be, but I will be good to the people around me.

      Yes, I get some small satisfaction, a wicked pleasure at being cruel, but it is nothing in the face of having a pleasant conversation with friends. I am not anti-social, and any anti-social tendencies I have, I fight with ferocity. I've always had an abundance of self-control. If your friend wants advice, advise him to reign in his base desires, recognize his impulses, and control them.

    16. Andy - the good thing about this site is after reading through the post and comments - you learn and know more about sociopaths. The bad thing about this site is you learn and know more about sociopaths.
      Do I take his admissions as a sign he wants me to know him on that level, or is he being cruel (duper's delight?) and eventually the whole thing will be ending with a big FUCK YOU when I am no longer of "value" to him?
      What's an Empath to do? 'Cause from all I read here - the best answer is to RUN!, but that would also be the thing that sociopaths seem to hate most about us Empaths, our intolerance for sociopaths.

    17. You are taking what I say too literally. Nothing can be explored with a closed mind.

    18. Is it me, or do a lot of people who post on this forum seem massively schizophrenic?

      They post and then post a question to themselves using a different name. A lot of them are from someone I know, I am not sure who.

      I know a lot of seriously pathological people.

    19. @7:54 You seem to be of the opinion that every sociopath has ulterior motives. It is true that sociopaths have motives, but many people get along with them just fine. If you provide enjoyable company, that could be all he wants from you.

      As for me, I cannot convince the people that know me the best that I am a sociopath. If I have base tendencies, they are so well suppressed that they don't bleed through (in real life, at least). You've known this guy for 4 years, and you haven't cut off contact with him. I have difficulty maintaining friendships for even a few months, but that could be because I'm very introverted. I don't explode on people, I just let the connection die. If you like the guy enough to stay in touch for 4 years, just be wary that he might drop the mask. There's no FUCK YOU and big explosion with sociopaths, just the person you think you once new so well giving you a cold, unemotional stare and refusing to put more effort into making you comfortable.

    20. *knew

      It's too fucking early.

    21. Thank You Andy for 'talking' with me - I appreciate your insights and candor.

    22. @7:54 Either a sociopath always has ulterior motives or has motives that are not the same as yours, since they are not going to be based on affection.

      So be prepared to find out he had ulterior motives and he was using you for something or, as Andy says, that we will just get tired of you and disappear any day. I don’t agree with Andy in the fact that there won’t be any FUCK YOU behavior. If anything that he was expecting from you doesn’t happen, he will get angry and try to hurt you; whether it is your fault or not. If he feels anger, and they do frequently, he will release it. Though an honest explosion is rare, he would rather use other ways. After that, yes, a cold end.

      So, especially be aware that he can pass from a "friendship" to an attitude of perpetual callous despise at any moment with no alerts for nothing you may have done. In a moment he makes you feel you are a friend in the next trash. And that was all.

    23. @ Jessi - Thank You. I appreciate you sharing with me. I have already seen a glimpse of his "anger" and how it manifests. Although it has never been directed at me (at least not to my face), I have witnessed the "other ways".
      You and Andy have given me much food for thought.
      I am glad this blog and the "regulars" are here to help us Emp's understand more about Socios.

    24. You are welcome :) and take care.


  3. BTW when I say errant clothing labels I mean the ones poking out of the back of your neckline, not whether your brand is still in fashion.

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. Society is safer with those who are less hurtful not more rational, assuming it is rational to be hurtful...

  4. In 1979 a smash song rose up the charts called "You Light Up My Life."
    It was sung by Debbie Boone, daughter of the famous 1950's singer Pat Boone.
    Pat Boone-who was immensely popular-was known has the "anti-Elvis." He sang
    light, romantic songs like "April Love," and "Love Letters In The Sand."
    "You Light Up My Life" was number 1 for 10 weeks; the only other song to
    hold the top position that long was "Let's Get Physical," by Olivia Newton
    John. Tells you something about our "split-personality" regarding such
    things, doesn't it?
    In any case,the author of "You Light Up My Life, reaped immense royalties
    from the sucess of the song. Another woman first introduced the song in a
    minor film, but Debbie was the one to make it a hit. It was a "one hit
    wonder." Debbie said, "I detect something mystical, Godly about the song
    even if other's can't.
    Well, it appears that the author of the song wasn't very Godly. He
    invited aspiring starlets up to his N.Y.C. apartement, plyed them with
    drug cocktails and raped them. Dozens were raped in this way. They had
    the man cold. While out on parole, awaiting trial, he found "deliverence"
    (As the Hemlock Society would say) through a helium-filled plastic bag.
    Case over? Well, not quite. It seems that the apple doesn't fall far from
    the tree. His son is now on trial for the murder of a famous Peruvian
    swimsuit designer 10 years his senior. What she saw in this druggie
    ner' do well is anyone's guess. Like you, M.E., she wrote the bum a
    "to do" list if he wanted to preserve the relationship. His response
    was to drown her in the bathtub. As an "Empath" I will never understand
    what the allure of such men is to even "sucessful" women; while my
    personal theme song would be Rod Steward's song: "Some Guys Have All The

    1. Anon 3:56 AM
      "As an "empath" I will never understand what the allure of such men is to even "successful" women."

      The allure is the fact that the person had a parent/parents that were narcissists/sociopaths and they are working through something. Also, we gravitate to the familiar. :(

  5. Father Damien Karras: If you're the Devil, why not make the straps disappear?

    Demon: That's much too vulgar a display of power, Karras.


  6. Chivalry is outdated. It is sociopathic to be a gentlemen. "I don't know the difference between lies and chivalry".

    1. My dear Chet. Are you retarded? Or does this cheap bait really work?

    2. It's from a song...the singer is the one being chivalrous/lying. Are you retarded, or do you choose to only see things in the most immediate/obvious way?

      Hi Jessi.

  7. This guy doesn't have one coherent thought in this entire string.
    It is entirely fragmented. Like his personality, no doubt.

  8. Maybe I'm just very drunk but don't we often do "good" things for reasons that often don't have not much to do with "morals"? Morals are what? Morals are pertaining to, or concerned with the principles or rules of right conduct or the distinction between right and wrong; ethical:

    We do good things to make ourselves feel better, or as "payback" to those who have done us right, we do things that others may define as good/right but for us had not much intention. We do good things for people we value or love/like, or maybe because we were in an especially good mood (why can't we figure out how to replicate the conditions that brought such favors on our mood?) that day. Yes, we may do "good" things based on some rule system. Maybe all these things are the right thing to do.

    What about bad things though? This is where "morals" i think really comes into play, and where sociopaths fail perhaps often.

    M.E Wrote:

    "if not morals, why might a sociopath choose to do something "good" or help people? A reader recently wrote about how his sense of aesthetics keeps him from doing anything base, such as brute strength violence"

    not doing violence or not doing evil is not the same as doing good
    it sounds like in that example the person is doing harm/bad as well so it doesn't seem to be a good example of someone doing good for reasons other than morals, they are simply doing less inconvenient evil perhaps

    fucking awesome

  9. The writing in the article reminds me of TNP. I feel manipulated.

  10. This guy writes like a ponce.

  11. With all due respect to anyone who think that they are a sociopath, I believe that you guys are probably (probably, but not certainly!) burnt out. I know because doing stuff like studying for 12 hours a day for 3 months when faced with tremendous pressure tends to make you emotionally fatigued and heedless of others' discomfort. When the exams were over - Hey, presto, I could feel again after a good night's untroubled rest!
    Take a break for about a week, no work, no thoughts about anything else. Then tell me if you can still do what the author of the book did (jogging with earphones to drown out the sound of gunfire in the neighborhood). You'll probably realize that you are pretty ordinary after all. If you still score high for sociopathic traits on psychological checklists, then you might want to consider some professional help.

    1. I once got burnt out through work and became depressed. Not as in low mood, but reduced physical and mental functions and if anything an absence of mood.
      I quit the job, saw a couple of counsellors who said my depression was organic so there wasn't anything they could offer to talk me out of it. So I took anti-depressants and rested.
      Weeks later as it lifted and my mood states returned, the first thing to come to any noticeable degree was my hate. Non-specific, unfocussed and undirected, my hate, along with happy and sad, is one of the only emotions I can readily identify within myself.
      In short what you see of me here is not the result of burn-out.
      Nor is it what you would see if you met me. I'm actually something of a pillar of the community!

    2. Antidepressants made me a cold motherfucker. I had to wean myself off of them, I couldn't even put a mask on. I was just all creepy all the time.

    3. Maybe it's coincidence, but there was an article on MSN today about how antidepressants in the water supply ate turning fish homicidal.

  12. Just curious. Can a sociopath believe in God? Are any of you who identify as sociopaths also religious?

  13. Most all the sociopaths are "religious." That's were the fault lives.

  14. Dallas
    AnonymousJune 13, 2013 at 11:06 AM

    The article gentleman sociopath is an interesting one and I can identify with a number of things as seen demonstrated by the sociopath who came into my life.
    Anon@11:06 AM
    I know what you are going through in that friendship of 4 years. My friendship with the disordered character went on for about (3+ yrs) and I am now trying to put an end to it. We work at the same place but after his last blow of disrespect I simply walked out of his presence without saying a word. I do know that I should not hold my breath because an apology won’t be forthcoming. I am moving on. It is almost 3 months now and I have not spoken him on a personal level as in the past nor do I desire to have any conversation with him. We still display the usual courtesies of: good morning, goodbye, please, thank you, excuse me. Any communication outside of that is work-related and it is at a minimal as in asking a question. Since I’ve walked away from the friendship he has put his mask back on. Whenever the mask was off I would get those courtesies extended only if he felt like it. So far it has been a good three month since his mask is back on. He is humble as a lamp now and if I want to I can get him to comply with my wishes. I know this from past experiences. At times now he looks like a lost puppy because at work I am the only one who knows about the disorder and he can freely take off the mask around me. I have now grown weary of the friendship because he would often drain my mental and emotional energy with his on and off attention or need for attention/ entertainment. Not to mention his complex personality that I can’t make head or tail of. I doubt some sociopath understand themselves. 3 yrs is a long time to treat a friend as a brother all for nothing.

    My female co-workers admire my qualities. I am naturally a kind and caring person. Perfect target for spaths. Before we became buddies I noticed that friend was showing gentlemanly qualities like me that appears to be a natural part of him. After a good while I thought that we have a lot in common so after observing him for a few years I liked what I saw. Our relationship at work was a very professional one, however I noticed that he began to tell me tit bits about what’s up with him and his girlfriend at the time. I would give him useful advice. But the advice giving started when the nosey female co-workers while conversing with him, would draw my attention to stuff going on in his life with the girlfriend. The co-workers would ask me to advise him as one male to another. More frequently he then began sharing more than tit bits of information about all aspects of his life with me. He found out that I could be trusted and open his life to me.
    Anon at 11:06 AM: Speaking from my experience I would advise you to pay more attention to YOURSELF than to your friend. When my disordered friend targeted me he told me stuff about himself that a man would only tell a trusted wife or a best friend. Certain things he did not have any qualms in sharing with me. He allowed me into the dark closet of his mind – (mask removed). I was shocked for a few days about the things revealed because I could not make the connection between who I thought he was or presented himself to be and who he actually is in reality. I could not wrap my mind around it. Now the more he told me stuff the closer I bonded with him allowing him into my world. I could ask him any question and he would answer. Mind you some of the answers were lies but the truth surfaced later on. I noticed that he was not really interested in my life but he got me to be interested into his personal affairs. This man would share every little thing about his life with me but his motive I could not figure out. Anyway as the various stories about his life unfolded I began to suspect he has personality issues.

  15. Cont'd
    Dallas to Anon 11:06 AM

    The friendship with him was never mutual. I showed him care, love, kindness, ect and it was like pouring water into a straw basket or throwing pearls to swine. What did he want? Not 100% sure. I think though that he wanted to be able to use those qualities displayed at his disposal for whatever reason. Is there any truth to the idea that sociopaths desire love, connection, affection, kindness, ect. My friend had no use for such things or he did in a ways I didn’t understand. He did like my kindness because he could get things easily from me. Another thing I don’t understand. Regardless of how good I was to him he gave help and support to others far easier than he would be willing to help me. Yet he gets no help or support from these people. I would oftentimes have to beg him for his help. He would offer me help if there was some gain of the sort for him. I have now cease my help and support to him.

    Anon:11:06 - Your friend might be telling you personal stuff in order to get you to reveal your real self to him. Information gathered about you, your friends or family by him could be used against you. He doesn’t necessarily care about his information given to you. I began trusting him and ended up compromising some of my qualities to be his friend. Luckily I was still paying attention to myself. Also, be awake in your conversations with him. Sometimes my friend’s thoughts were disconnected. He would be talking about the dogs and then it was about the cow but you did not realized the switch. Listen to your friend keenly when he speaks. Should you ask, what did you say? He could change it easily and an argument would develop. The argument would be for his entertainment and you questioning your mind. Although we were what I considered close I still can’t tell how he felt about me as a friend. In fact, I could not discuss friendship with him. When I discovered that he is disordered I did not RUN as some experts advised. He was able to take off his mask around me whenever he wanted without judgement. I entertained him to ease his boredom. There was no benefit in that effort for me. I learned the hard way. I would have wrecked myself had I continued such craziness.

    My friend’s mood and personality flip flop. His personality is like shifting clouds. Sometimes the cloud is white, another time dark, another time a shade in between. This moment he could be the best friend ever or quite happy and within a few hours or by the next day all of that changed. You find yourself questioning or baffling to figure what’s up with this guy. Never try to fully understand a sociopath. Again I doubt some understand themselves. You will go nuts if you try. There was no consistency in the friendship . Even if it started with a form of consistency it will change later on.

    Should you consider breaking off the friendship do so peacefully and gradually. As Glass mentioned, it is far better if he puts the mask back on. My buddy has his on now and it seems to be glued on this time. I no longer gives him access to me and he doesn’t trust other co-worker with what’s behind the mask. I don’t dislike or hate him. My personal thing is that if I am investing in a friendship with him then there must be some return for me. If there is no return on the investment then I pull out and invest elsewhere.


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