Saturday, June 29, 2013

Interview with a seductee (part 2)

We hung out at the ballet a few weeks later. We went to that restaurant that looked like it came out of a kitsch catalogue and then we went to the show and you were going to go to a bbq with family and/or get ice cream and I set off for home, but it was otherwise a good conversational day compared to the one before. You noted that I seemed calmer with you, but also noted my incredible inability to understand you. I kept saying, that's your type of thing, and you would say, no no no, you don't get me at all, but much calmer and easy going this time around without that added pressure of being at my house.

And then I didn't talk to you. And then I was sitting in an airport in Miami months later with my current fling leaning against my arm in our layover to San Pedro Belize, I opened up my email (thanks to you getting the office interns to show me how), and happened upon a very interesting read from you. The word that stuck out the most from that particular email was the four letter word love and its frequent use. The heartfelt passion with which that email was written seemed to be from a different human. It invoked thoughts for me of an infatuation of an ex lover, not someone who had been a short term co-worker who had come over to dinner once and awkwardly discussed my personality disorders for me and my inability to communicate. So reading through it, there was some shock to be had. Honestly I read it as being very truthful, as being... the picture behind the font of the email in my mind was this delicate soul that had hidden behind everything, a facade of intelligence and background and family and had realized that this was what true love was and had to express it and let it shine through. Not only was this interpretation gratifying as a major ego boost, but it was also shocking from my prior experiences with this person, it was alarming to my current paramour who is leaning on my shoulder catching glimpses of the word love, tidbits of affection and nuances of the email with a sideways glance. I think I briefly typed out a response without responding later. In Belize, a day later, we had our first fight in four months of dating because my companion had silently, passively aggressively brewed for 24 hours, insulted that I hadn't discussed already how it was that i was going to extinguish the small flame you had for me by saying I was already taken. Because I had been asked, "what are you going to do with this" and I had replied honestly and confusedly "I don't know," we had to discuss in detail why i didn't know what I was going to do. Thus began the portrayal of you as someone who was oddly infatuated with me, but my interest in you was an intellectual pursuit and search for a dialogue that was otherwise missing in my current relationship. I still don't really understand fully -- why you wrote what you did, but it was effective at getting my attention because it certainly was shocking and surprising and exciting to read because ... I don't think for me there are many times in my lifetime that i will open up an email and read some of the things that you wrote in it. Whether they were just meant to pull me back into an odd conversation about my personal defects and how you could fix them, it was still a successful endeavor because it worked, I still came running back ready to hear about what was wrong with me.


  1. I still came running back ready to hear about what was wrong with me.

    What a telling remark. Negative attention is better to most people than no attention at all.

    1. i didnt get that from the remark. i though the point of the remark was that the guy's charm made it possible for the negative feelings of the negative attention not to matter as much as they would would with any other person .

      I thought that the guy's power over him just made it possible to forgive.

  2. I prefer no attention. Even over good attention. But that's just me..

    1. this is my cue to look for your itch/need/trigger

  3. The graphic made me horny. Too early in the morning.

  4. What a fucking nut. Goes running back for more abuse.

  5. I can't help thinking about the ego of the seductress here - despite the argument that sociopaths don't have egos. The outward displeasure of being rejected, the desperate love email.. it seems like childlike behavior.

  6. I'm a person throughout my life who suffered from avoident personality
    disorder. A.P.D. is the mirror opposite of the "groovy and sexy"traits of
    the psychopath and the sociopath. I've been around a lot of mentally disturbed
    people in my time and I've found that there are two basic types:
    1) The introverted/depressive self-pitying type. This type is a lazy couch
    potato kind that is waiting for conditions to be "perfect" before they
    make any attempt to change thier prediciment. The clock never moves for
    them. When given psychotropic drugs the lounge around all day long abusing
    sex (If they're attractive and fit enough to engage in it-many aren't
    They retain their virginity until thier 30's at least some never have sex.)pornography, drugs, or junk food.
    2) The other kind is the frenetic, anxiety-filled must-keep-active-type
    that can sit still. They are extroverts. They are not ones to engage in
    external self doubt or self pity. They need and want to work (usually)
    because work keeps them busy and aleviates thier anxiety.
    Many work at watressing (like Jodi Arias) because it keeps them constantly on the go. Or alternatively they "work" at avoiding work
    indiscrimately chasing after as many pleasures as they can, again, to
    avoid boredom and anxiety (like Casey Anthony.)
    In the places I sojourned I rarely came in contact with "genuine" sociopaths. Most of the people I encountered were from catalogry 1, as
    was I. The sociopaths were too busy to mope around. Many of them might
    even have been the therapists themselves.
    Let me tell you that many of us "wussy empaths" envy you sociopaths.
    Many people live(?) entire lifetimes but never really live. Casey and
    Jodi and (M.E.?) know what it's like to experience the excuisite pleasures of body contact with another breathing human being. Some of us
    will NEVER know it. And I'm not even refering to ugly people. You would
    be surprised at how attractive some of these wussey empaths are.
    I know for myself that I will Never do "it." "Nurses do IT better."
    says the bumper sticker. That may be so, but I wouldn't know. So some
    would say,"Why not just pay for it? Well, you know we empaths are good
    people. We can substudize the sex industry because the whoremonger is
    every bit as responsible for all the evils associated with sex-
    molestation, human trafficing,etc like the casual drug user is respons-
    able for all the evils that stem from drug use.

    1. you're fucking pathetic. stop feeling sorry for yourself and face your fears.

    2. shutup 917

      you dont have any idea what it means to have A. P. D. DO you ? I'm bitter for a reason. what's your excuse?

  7. The last couple of posts are reminding me of Lindsey Lohan's movie Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. I'm sure M.E. salivated when she realized she caused a fight between the guy and his current love interest. It IS childlike behavior. What we are supposed to learn or understand about sociopaths by reading this is unclear to me. But I still love ya M.E! Awkward posts and all.

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