Thursday, September 9, 2010

Empath raised by a sociopath mother

From a reader:
I am writing to solicit a general opinion, perhaps begin a dialog. I seek information to help me become functional.

My biological mother is a sociopath, the "reputation preserving" kind, found a highly empathic "bulldozer"/dominant man, had three children with him (I am the eldest), and abused him into success past his desires or nature. Before gaining sufficient insight, I would say "my parents really should not have had kids"; simply put, these two would not "mate" in the wild and I have a host of mis-matched genes and medical issues to prove it.

My high empathy coupled with intelligence and a completely neglectful/abusive mother has left with me a "debillitatingly deep" understanding of humanity (and a psych degree didn't help either). "Sociopathic type" thinking (outside the box, seeking the cracks in the system) coupled with "empathic data" (I feel what they feel or at least know what they're feeling) means I know far far too much about another person, especially their own self-deception, especially the opinions they have of themselves or others that they might not even know themselves. I can easily "spot" lack-of-empathy types, as well as intelligent manipulative empaths. I do not have sufficient data to claim if I can "spot" a sociopath or not, but I would find the challenge interesting. Whatever else, to me, there is a sub-group of people that present excellent performances but, when considered fully (my empathy with body language analysis, etc.), there are "holes" in the performances. I perceive most people as at least 2 or 3 "layers"; I see through the masks.

While I have this "empathic wetware", I am inherently rational. I write to you because, unlike those on your site, I am "non functional". I have three degrees but no career or financial stability. I can make women feel instantly comfortable (too comfortable), counsel them to find other men but am incapable of attracting one myself; I have never had a girlfriend. The only time I can get laid is with sufficient booze to shut off my rational brain and seek out the nearest mountain troll.

I have developed "a program" that enables minimum social contact to prevent the madness of isolation until my father contracted cancer. I expended all my resources in an attempt to save him and keep myself on an even keel; my mother altered the will at the last minute
; she has won, I am broke with no good prospects for employment. This is a problem as previously I was "lucking out" from 3 major father-linked investments which provided the finances necessary to fuel my development.

Now I must survive in a different way, and am inherently rational, and whatever this "new way" is, I am still trying to figure out what that might be. Your site provides one possible way with some aspects, I think, to be emulated and used. Yet, when you feel another's hurt or pain, as they feel it, perhaps more so, this makes navigating the empathic world... difficult. The idea I use is that of shooting Bambi. In order for hunters to survive and kill furry woodland creatures to eat, is it not highly adaptive NOT to feel said creature's pain?

So.... do you have defenses against unwanted emotional stimuli that I might copy and use? Are there any questions I can answer about "empaths" and their ways? [I feel more deeply than they do, but I am not ruled by emotions; I choose rationality]. I have been to 53 countries and experience the full gamut of people's emotions as you describe as one of your goals, as a "sommelier". To me, human emotions are like wine - mostly the same broad stroaks but a whole range of possibility (see: 53 countries). A purely rational friend has dubbed me a "human to human dictionary". Those who are completely integrated (thoughts, feelings, behaviour) are like "cool glasses of water" as they can be taken at their word, they are relaxing. Everyone else presents some form of "red noise" or bullcrap to navigate through.

Whatever else, hopefully this email has been somewhat interesting.

"Martin McDonald"

44 comments:

  1. Explain integrated. I'm not sure what your use entails.

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  2. What exactly is an empath?

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    1. An Empath is someone who can feel other people’s emotions as their own: you literally feel what other people feel.

      Notice that this definition does not assume that you are aware of it nor that you know what to do with it. It simply describes that can experience someone else’s emotion, even if they are not in your physical presence.

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  3. these two would not "mate" in the wild and I have a host of mis-matched genes and medical issues to prove it.

    Incorrect. The more mis-matched a mating pair, the healthier the offspring.

    Psychopaths do not have breathing techniques or mantras to keep out emotions that you can learn. Our brains work differently- there are different connections. Different parts light up when we see a picture of something that is supposed to be emotional.

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  4. Hi Martin,

    Based on your description of yourself I would suggest that rather than being "inherently rational" you are instead inherently fearful. Three degrees, financial instability (meaning no job?? and relying on father's money) and never had a girlfriend. All come from fear and inability to make a decision. This would be largely due to your parents. How can one make a correct decision when you are brought up by someone who teaches you to care more about what others think than you do and another who probably bulldozed you into submission frequently.

    With one sentence you say that you make women feel "too comfortable" and another you say you've developed a "program" that "enables minimum social contact. Let me tell you that I do not believe for a second that you make women feel comfortable - at all. Women shun you and when you say that you "seek out the nearest mountain troll" you mean 'all women are bitches because they wont show me love or affection." You may have had sexual contact but my guess would be that (if you did) yes you were drunk at the time and using your father's cash to buy a prostitute.

    You do seem intelligent. Congratulations and who gives a fuck. Most people are not interested in what your IQ is unless you're some kind of mathematical idiot savant who can capture their attention for 5 minutes. Then they go back to their husbands/wives/lovers, friends, families, careers etc etc and forget.

    Ok final bit of bullshit I am going to call you on. You are not highly empathetic. You are very likely completely bamboozled by others and your own emotions because your internal constructs are fucked basically. You don't have a deep understanding of humanity, you can't spot "lack of empathy types and intelligent manipulative types". Everything you've said in this paragraph tells me that you frequently feel hurt by others. You only talk about people in terms of them hiding true selves behind "masks" and having "holes in their performances". No positive people in the world Martin? Come on. Yes everyone deceives themselves about one thing or another. Yes people have masks they wear. That's normal human behaviour and you want to know what your mask is Martin? You hide behind the mask of "I'm so rational and empathetic and intelligent." All of which makes you feel better about the fact that no one in the world gives a fuck about the things that have become coping mechanisms to you and that you value so highly. It is painful.

    My advice to you is in the next comment.

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  5. 1. Take this blog/what you have written here to a psychologist and start seeing them regularly. Look and look until you find someone who you click with. Work with them and STOP over intellectualizing - LISTEN to what they have to say and TRY it. That is if you are not already seeing someone? Get an antidepressant.
    2. Try talking to people. Find out about them from what they tell you. Forget the crap about seeing layers and types for the love of God. That is what is getting you NOWHERE FAST.
    4. GET A JOB. Work hard and search in life until you find out what you LOVE and then do whatever you can to DO WHAT YOU LOVE.
    5. You know those mountain trolls you are talking about. Find one that is nice to chat to, that you have common ground with, who makes you feel comfortable and who you can laugh with and you might just find that very soon she looks less like a mountain troll and more like a sexy mamma who you can't get enough of.
    6. Forget your mother - she sounds like a jerk. Hard to do but life might just be better if she has no involvement in it. Make your own choices. She sounds like the type of person who will create drama in your life just to ensure you are still in hers.

    Final bit of advice. And I really can't say this enough. Forget the rubbish about "human emotion is like a fruity chardonnay" of whatever the ridiculous analogy you came up with was. No one is "completely integrated". NO ONE. Everyone is full of bullcrap and "red noise" as you call it. Even me. Why because I am human, you are human even the person who writes this blog is human.

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    1. 1. If you are a sociopath, it strikes me that this particular reply would be a really great way to make an empath doubt themselves, something I'm told that bored sociopaths enjoy as a pastime.
      2. If you're an empath... no you couldn't be an empath. You clearly have no idea were Martin is coming from, and clearly have no interest in making him feel better.
      3. If you're not a sociopath, go hang out on some psychological bullshit website were submissive types are looking for domineering types such as yourself to beat them up. 'Cause what you posted up there is just wow ridiculous.

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    2. One of the BEST pieces of advice (serves as a 'kick in the rear') to HSP Empathic types in order to get them to START (it's never too late) LIVING a purpose-filled, a.k.a Functional, 'Normal' life.

      To the OP: I came here looking for answers, and we might be twins - so many common traits and I can fully empathize when you say you had to sacrifice SO much, and your callous sociopathic mother STILL took your inheritance away. I WAS IN YOUR SHOES 3 YEARS AGO THIS TIME.
      THERE IS HOPE - forget her - and FOCUS ON YOU.

      I would say that the above response is not that of a Bully (I am a HSP and empath myself, and know a bully from a caring response - and I trust that I can see through a cloaked answer): it's that of someone who I think might be a psychiatrist or cares much for your well-being.
      POINTS:
      1. DO NOT ISOLATE YOURSELF (I know how it feels when you can see the 'insides' of people).
      2. WRITE DOWN YOUR BEST TRAITS (AKA. EMPATH, HSP, FRIENDLY, CONSCIENTIOUS ETC) AND TELL YOURSELF EVERYDAY - that you will CONTRIBUTE to the world - and not disappear on us (most humans are child-like). Learn to live with them - you might be called an "old soul" etc. - and that's just FINE.
      3. WORK ON YOUR BOUNDARIES - Most IMPORTANT!!!
      4. DON'T WASTE THE PRETTY or THE HANDSOME: The world NEEDS you, unlike what your JERK care-giver might have made you believe of yourself.
      3. SOMEWHERE OUT THERE (DEPENDING ON YOUR COMMITMENT YOU PUT INTO YOUR FUTURE) IS YOUR FUTURE FAMILY (a loving, albeit flawed-just like you) partner and children that are waiting for you to MAN-UP and meet them half way. DON'T YOU WANT THAT LOVE AND HAPPINESS??? WHY DEPRIVE YOURSELF??? (I know it's messy - feelings and humans are messy - but it's also BEAUTIFUL and FULFILLING)
      4. NO MORE SELF-PITY: YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW YOU LEAD YOUR LIFE.
      BEST WISHES - YOUR LIFE BEGINS TODAY - Promise yourself this!!

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  6. I too was raised by my Father who I believe is a sociopath. My Mother died when i was 14.
    I have been with my husband for 21 years since I was 18 and i have a pretty well rounded teen age boy.

    I chose a few years ago to not cut contact but have as little to do with him. It worked but today I called my father in hospital who even when the Doctors are saying there was no heart attack he is still saying he has had one and he is dying of cancer.
    Over the years I have witnessed him lie and lie and lie. Lie about the most ridiculous things< change his life story neglect his kids. Start relationships with women take their money, cheat on them and each relationship last aprox 4 years. They then realise what a horrible person he is. For some reason I am the only one of his children he still is trying to contact. That is until today when I called his bluff and said I knew he was talking bull then I got how he never hears from me so I told him why. I honestly felt guilty until I realised he is incapable of caring. Ive washed my hands of him and I'm glad. I can't say I have not come away not being scarred I myself was hospitalised with post partem depression years ago and I do not deal well with bullies especially at work I fall apart and apart from being eccentric a little I'm I too can read people like a book. I'd rather not be able too but i think when you see a parent in action subconsciously you read others body language.

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  7. Although I'm willing to believe that sociopaths may have physical brain differences, I also believe that the brain is malleable and can be changed (to a certain degree) depending on how you use it.

    My belief is that sociopathy/empathy are a combination of genetic potential and learned behavior. I think that empathy is learned. I base this belief on how I learned to be empathic with animals, when I had not been as a child. Over time, my empathy or respect for life in general has grown as well, where I felt like there had been very little of that in my teenage years. I believe that people of other cultures/times didn't learn this empathy, which is why they treated animals as soulless meat and didn't have a problem killing/butchering them. Or maybe they had respect for animals but learned to butcher them out of hunger and need. Legend has it that this is the Native American belief, although that's largely been forgotten by today's Americans (and other people around the industrialized world), many of whom have no empathy at all for animals once they label them "meat parts." They think that it's okay to abuse a meat animal and then desecrate its carcass once they're done with it. I'm getting a little off-topic, but I thought I'd mention hunting as a possible source of learned empathy or lack thereof, since the author of the letter mentions it.

    My significant other has tried to emulate my lack of empathy toward certain people because he sees the usefulness of it. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe he's always had a tendency to be un-empathic and he's realizing that potential. I've taught him about how empathy is a tool that other people (empaths or not) use against you. Perhaps I learned to be un-empathic myself because this is a lesson that I found out for myself early on, and have only had reinforced over the years. I can't say I've always been totally without empathy. It just feels diminished, and even more so in the past. I can even look back at people that I played with when I was a young adult, people that I think I'd have more empathy for (or at least respect for their rights) if I met them today, but I have no empathy for them in my memory and still can't muster it for them.

    I feel that I can turn my empathy/respect on and off by judging (using logic) whether the situation calls for it. Raw, emotional empathy is only barely there, only in some cases. I take it that empaths aren't supposed to be able to control it, that it's just something that's always there. So maybe I'm not feeling empathy. I tend to think of it more as empathy that results from principled respect for another's rights as a living being, because I love life and believe that respecting the freedom of others gives me more freedom myself. But maybe that's not true empathy. I can't know the mind of someone else to say for sure. It's what I think the empathy that I learned is, though. I learned to be conscious of how my actions affect others (because those actions would not always affect me the same way; my emotions seem to be different), and to care about those effects.

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  8. ananonymousclassmate@gmail.comSeptember 9, 2010 at 9:35 AM

    I think of how my SO has described his feelings of empathy to me. He feels bad for people even though he knows they're malicious and don't deserve it. He feels bad when he hurts someone, even if it's unintentional and what he did shouldn't have caused any emotional pain (but somehow did in the perception of the other person). Do I ever feel this way? Maybe. I can acknowledge that I hurt someone and caused them pain and it wasn't necessary that I do it. I feel regret about the fact that it wasn't necessary. I feel shame that I couldn't see the situation better and act more appropriately or diplomatically. I feel like I failed, because I should've been able to see a better way to handle the situation. Maybe I was too prideful and didn't want to look like the loser in an argument, when really it would've been more to my advantage if I had. But instead of winning by retreating, I lashed out at someone and damaged him. That was wrong, because I could've done things differently. So, I don't feel as "bad" about it when I hurt someone out of necessity. It's hurting them through a stupid mistake that bothers me the most. But still, even when I hurt someone for what I feel like was for his own good or mine, I can recognize that I hurt him and feel like that wasn't ideal, I'd rather leave people feeling good about themselves and about me. And I just feel self-loathing when I totally mess something up due to ignorance and I end up irritating or hurting people and causing misunderstandings.

    Are any of these things a form of empathy? That's the question that I want to pose to the empaths (or those that think they understand them better) out there. Write to me if you want to discuss this more. I tried to leave my email in the URL form of my previous comment and that didn't work, so I'm leaving it as my name now.

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  9. Nobody wants to discuss all your long winded words.

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  10. Are you the Katja Puschnik that drowned puppies? I don't really care about the puppies, I just think you're cute.

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  11. Oh, nevermind. I guess she didn't do it. Oh, well.

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  12. Thanks for taking the time to read my response, even if you don't want to discuss it. I didn't know that talking about these subjects was so boring to someone who came to a blog dedicated to them. That's too bad that you're so bothered by someone expressing himself that you just had to let the Internet know. You have my permission to now die in a fire.

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  13. So this is what I am because I drowned some puppies? This site is funny.

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  14. Are you really that puppy girl? You should write to M.E. (blog author) and tell him your side of the story: me@sociopathworld.com

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  15. Well, being that they found out that Katja Puschnik wasn't actually the puppy-drowner, it's kind of irrelevant. It was some Bosnian chick. They haven't released her name, as far as I've seen.

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  16. Ive been telling people I was innocent. They dont want my version

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  17. Pretending to be someone else to get some attention? Guess it's working out the way you wanted, but it's pathetic that you wanted that. But changing your story in the same thread like that is kind of obvious, no?

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  18. Aw, that's a disapppointment. Oh well. Finally, someone upgraded to puppies. Obnoxious, rancid creatures.

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  19. Hi Martin,

    Some of this will seem harsh. Sometimes a bit of hard truth is what we need to get us going in the right direction.
    1. I would suggest you are inherently fearful rather than rational. Three degrees, financial instability ( no job??), never had a girlfriend. All come out of indecision and fear. It's your parent's fault - your bulldozer father and your keeping up appearances mother have trained you subconsciously to not be able to detect your own wants and to comply with the wants of others all the while feeling like you need to find ways to "seek the cracks in the system" i.e your parent's system of shithouse parenting.

    To remedy this;
    * forget your mother - you sound like you'd be better off without her.
    * forget your father's money - you will only end up dedicating time to it which will be a waste of time.
    * stop being a victim - everyone has medical issues..do something about the ones you can, do your best with the others. Stop thinking you're some kind of freak.

    Continued...

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  20. Next point Martin.

    You say you're intelligent. You seem so but at the end of the day..who gives a fuck? No one really cares what your IQ is unless you're some kind of mathematical genius who can do a few tricks and get people's attention briefly. Then they go back to their partners, lovers, friends, family, shitty jobs, great jobs, mortgages etc and forget you. You think you're intelligent. Great. Now drop it because even saying "I'm intelligent" once is a massive turn off for most people. Not saying it's right - just telling it how it is.

    Continued

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  21. Next point Martin.

    You say your have high empathy. You say your neglectful mother taught you how to understand humanity to a debilitating level. You then go on to talk about how you can identify people's self-deception, lack of empathy types and intelligent manipulative types. Then you talk about a sub group that performs but have "holes" in their performances. You also see that people have layers and masks. Sorry but wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.

    You have an incorrect internal construct of the external world. People don't fall into discrete categories. You only mention you're ability to see the negative sides of people. Your descriptions of others indicates to me that you see people as liars, willing to hide their true nature, manipulative.

    Frankly when you say you have high empathy I actually think you are talking about your own emotional confusion. Feeling as though you can read and predict people puts you in a position of power. But that is now reality for you. In reality, honestly you feel powerless. People have hurt you and you expect to keep getting hurt.

    To remedy:
    * forget this garbage about human emotion being like "a fruity chardonnay" or whatever the ridiculous analogy you used was. People can pick up on weird shit like this a mile away - this is an inappropriate coping strategy.
    * to help deal with this bad coping strategy go and see a psychologist of some kind. Look until you find someone you click with. To become more functional you need to see yourself as more like everyone else - even though you may like to believe that the pedestal you put yourself on at present is more comfortable...deep down you KNOW it's not.

    Continued.

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  22. Another point Martin.

    You say in one sentence that you "developed a program" to enable minimum social contact. Then you say you're able to make women feel too comfortable. Sorry but you're not being honest.

    I think you have great trouble interacting with others. You say the only way you can "get laid" is by boozing up and throwing the leg over the nearest mountain troll. Oh really??? You are obviously frequently rejected by women - you say so. This hurts you and understandably. You don't get women, I would suggest, because you give off weird vibes. I doubt women are comfortable around you at all. Therapy may help with this, bringing yourself to the same level as others is characteristic of a high empathy person. Which is another reason I don't believe you are a highly empathetic person.

    To remedy:
    * change your expectations - chat to women without wanting a girlfriend. You may find that the "mountain trolls" are a little more "layered" than you expect. You may find they make you happy, make you laugh and that they find you attractive in return.
    * you'll need to work on yourself, I believe, before you'll have heaps of success - you know loving yourself before loving another and all that shit.

    Continued..(final)

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  23. Final point Martin.

    No one is "completely integrated" and EVERYONE has "red noise" and "bullcrap" to wade through..particularly when you don't know them well. Yes human emotion and what not is interesting and so are you - if you've been to 53 countries you should be a wealth of stories.

    You say you want strategies to ward off unwanted emotional stimuli and the next sentence you say you are not ruled by emotion but by rationality. Sorry dude you can't have it both ways. Human to human dictionary - what a load of shit!! Find friends who have fricken normal conversations.

    My final advice is this - take your post to a therapist. If you click with them AND they can see all the things I pointed out to you THEN STICK WITH THEM. Give yourself a year to get your shit together. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being a normal human being. Despite all our normalcy there is still a huge amount that is special about each of us including you. I really really hope you find out what REALLY makes you special, start experiencing the REAL world and about all else cut the CRAP.

    Good Luck Martin.

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  24. Anonymous if youre going to mimic me please make it flattering.
    Martins issue is he's a panzy. You are that bloke always hanging around when you get that new girl. The one that's her friend. The one that you can't figure out if he's a homosexual or if he's just 'that guy'.
    Girls feel comfortable around you because your safe. You are like their gay friend. Better than that. You won't ever make any moves because your afraid of rejection, and you won't hit on their boyfriend unlike their girlfriends (and gay friends too now). Woman who are in their insecure stage tend to keep people like you, martin, around so they have somebody to listen to their dribble, put them on a pedestal, and think of them day and night. When you finally ask her out she will say she's just a friend. Meanwhile, someone else is fucking her silly, and doesn't have to listen to all her problems thanks to you.
    I would give you advice, but people like you hardly take it. I had a aquaintance I would keep around to make fun of(we all have done it), and he was like this. Told me about some bird who's number he got every week. He ended just talking to them on the phone about their problems for hours, and would complain about it to me. One day I grabbed his phone and mass text messaged them all 'You want to fuck?'. No good replies thanks to his meddling, but that's a lot better than wasting your time.
    You hardly talked on your mother, though you sure resent her. She made your dad successful beyond what he would have on his own. They say behind every great man is a great woman, so she sounds like she did her job. You are the one to blame in all of this martin. You failed. You went to school and wasted all your time on degrees you weren't even interested in pursuing. You said yourself you made a program to fail socially. You minimize contact, destroying what's left of your father and mothers seed.
    You don't want their legacy, but you want their money. Youre pathetic. Now you want to immitate the people fucking the girl that you want and fucking your father into his grave? Please. You won't make it this time. Try again next life.

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  25. Anonymous if youre going to mimic me please make it flattering.
    Martins issue is he's a panzy. You are that bloke always hanging around when you get that new girl. The one that's her friend. The one that you can't figure out if he's a homosexual or if he's just 'that guy'.
    Girls feel comfortable around you because your safe. You are like their gay friend. Better than that. You won't ever make any moves because your afraid of rejection, and you won't hit on their boyfriend unlike their girlfriends (and gay friends too now). Woman who are in their insecure stage tend to keep people like you, martin, around so they have somebody to listen to their dribble, put them on a pedestal, and think of them day and night. When you finally ask her out she will say she's just a friend. Meanwhile, someone else is fucking her silly, and doesn't have to listen to all her problems thanks to you.
    I would give you advice, but people like you hardly take it. I had a aquaintance I would keep around to make fun of(we all have done it), and he was like this. Told me about some bird who's number he got every week. He ended just talking to them on the phone about their problems for hours, and would complain about it to me. One day I grabbed his phone and mass text messaged them all 'You want to fuck?'. No good replies thanks to his meddling, but that's a lot better than wasting your time.
    You hardly talked on your mother, though you sure resent her. She made your dad successful beyond what he would have on his own. They say behind every great man is a great woman, so she sounds like she did her job. You are the one to blame in all of this martin. You failed. You went to school and wasted all your time on degrees you weren't even interested in pursuing. You said yourself you made a program to fail socially. You minimize contact and destroying what's left of your father and mothers seed.

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  26. On September 10, 2010 1:31, Anonymous said...

    You say you're intelligent. You seem so but at the end of the day..who gives a fuck?


    I like your no nonsense Dear Abby approach, anonymous.

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  27. Anonymous if your going to mimic me at least make it flattering.
    Martin is the typical loser. Here it is late in life, and he has nothing to show for it. He blames his mum for inspiring his father beyond his fathers usual apathy (something he carries on). Without his mum his father would have been a nobody. She hassled him because that's what he needed. That's what Martin needs and he throws that burden at women in a thinly veiled shield of sensitivity.
    Martin never said he had a problem talking to women. He said he had a problem sleeping with them. He listens to them moan and groan about their girlfriends and boyfriends, yet they never givem the time of day. He is the typical loser you get vulturing around your new girlfriend who she says its her friend. Really he's somebody she considers safe because he's to much a pussy to hit on her, he's not gay, and he's not one of her girlfriends trying to take her man. He's just a asexual 'dear diary'. The sensitive nice guy. No ambition and no accomplishments.
    Martin: You failed your mum and your father. You were relying on your fathers accomplishments that your mum pushed him to do? Yet you resent her? Yet here you stand waiting for a women like your mother to come and push you into GO time and apply yourself. Why else would you sit around with three degrees and no future.
    Stop trying to emulate people like this joker anonymous. You are who you are.

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  28. To anomclassmate

    There is not really anything to discuss. You feel what you feel and apparently you feel bad in several different ways when you have knowingly wronged someone. Would labeling it empathy make a difference for you? Why over analyze?

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  29. @Anon "My significant other has tried to emulate my lack of empathy toward certain people because he sees the usefulness of it. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe he's always had a tendency to be un-empathic and he's realizing that potential. I've taught him about how empathy is a tool that other people (empaths or not) use against you. Perhaps I learned to be un-empathic myself because this is a lesson that I found out for myself early on, and have only had reinforced over the years. I can't say I've always been totally without empathy. It just feels diminished, and even more so in the past. I can even look back at people that I played with when I was a young adult, people that I think I'd have more empathy for (or at least respect for their rights) if I met them today, but I have no empathy for them in my memory and still can't muster it for them."

    Not everyone deserves empathy just like not everyone deserves love. At first you might try to give everybody empathy/love, but when some people reject it or cannot understand it, you learn to invest yourself more wisely.

    It's best to give empathy to people who can give it back.

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  30. Which anonymous are you talking to UKan?

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  31. This is so funny!! Seriously - thank you all so much. I had begun to wonder what the fuck is the point but you've all just reminded me. Oh the fun to be had!!!

    So much love and kisses and hugs and all that fucking shite

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  32. I am sorry to say but for someone so "empathic" how come your still having so many problems, are still so dysfunctional and more important feel the need to tell everyone how intelligent you are and how many countries you have been to are there really 53 LOL and how you feel things more than any other person. Oh and the will thing is kind of interesting with your sorry story about how you "lucked out" and cannot work because of so and so. And you talk about people as if they are Thats sounds a bit like a narcissist to be honest. I quote "Everyone else presents some form of "red noise" or bullcrap to navigate through." Perhaps you might want to look up the definition of empaths ;) I couldn't ever see an empath writing that up

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  33. em·u·late
    1. Match or surpass (a person or achievement), typically by imitation.

    Did you truly understand the meaning of the word?

    UKanNOT seriously believe you are someone to mimic, do you ACTUALLY think you're (note spelling) intelligent???

    Go back to sniffing your mother's crotch you inbred oxygen thief. Or take a whole day to compose a response - who cares. Hahahaha.

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  34. You're on he wrong site mate if you want some genuine help in your life. The site is full of people playing the Hanibal Lecter role and all trying to outdo one another with their quasi-intellectual comments (FROM AMERICANS!). Much of it is quite an amusing (if predictable)self-proclaimed ennui if you're bored on a saturday night but I'm afraid that most of them seem to display some elemetary self=awareness but unfortunately very little insight.

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  35. This is Anonymous who feels like you do, with a very similar pair of parents.

    I read all the comments, some are upset because you say you are intelligent. I don't get that, in this short space you simply are trying to convey who you are. Having read all your lines I believe you are highly intelligent, and will answer your questions accordingly.

    "So.... do you have defenses against unwanted emotional stimuli that I might copy and use?"
    I simply stop it. I don't watch TV when I feel vulnerable, I turn my head away if the TV is on and I see some human suffering I know would suck my energy really quickly. I find it important that I keep my positive energy and not lose it because of my heightened empathy.

    "Those who are completely integrated (thoughts, feelings, behaviour) are like "cool glasses of water" as they can be taken at their word, they are relaxing."
    I very much appreciate how you put this sentence together. I feel this way around everyone except the socipaths. I have finally decided if someone is not relaxed around me I just will let go immediately. I have no use for disturbing a sociopaths' peace. I cannot empathize with them because they don't have emotions anyway. I try to reduce people's fears but sociopaths enjoy the sense of fear, have no interest in that, and deep down they know their fears are good for them otherwise they would become criminal. So heck, let them have fear, and if necessary use their fear to keep them harmless if you can't let them go immediately.

    I don't understand why you can't get laid, because women love being understood. Is it possible that you feel you want to be understood as well and at your level it is hard to be understood by women? Do you also feel that you need to be independently rich for a woman to appreciate you?

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  36. I understand this blog entry 100% as it describes me and my experience with my mother/family FULLY! Only, I am a woman. This person did a magnificent job at explaining, wow.

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  37. Allow yourself to FEEL. As an "empath" myself, I often put other's feelings way above mine because mine are irrelevant. Truthfully, how I feel is generally irrelevant to any decision I make. Since other people have strong emotions, I end up going with that. This leads, ultimately, to psychological and physical damage.

    The way to combat that is to recognize that I actually do feel and that my feelings are not irrelevant to a decision being made. "I don't want to" is a perfectly relevant feeling. "I don't like that" is also totally relevant. This prevents other people's feelings from running me over and doing me harm.

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  38. I am an empath myself raised by a Sociopath Mother and a father with narcissistic tendencies. I understand your feeling of being nonfunctional but trust me that you will feel far better if you choose a job and use your intelligence to be great at that job. It will stop you from feeling like a victim and allow you to help those around you even if it's from bringing a stable and honest energy to the workplace.

    As far as removing your internal dialogue and healing the emotional scars you have, I have found that shamanism is a great help in this regard. Drunvalo has a book Living in the Heart. This meditation and method of reaching your inner soul or sacred space can help you to see who your ARE without the noise of others, your parents, your fears, or anything besides your genuine amazing SELF.

    You love those that are congruent with their thoughts, feelings, and actions. I believe you are seeking that same thing for yourself free of the triggers, memories, and emotional response patterns you needed to survive your experiences growing up. If you step out of the mirror that has been created by others and believed by you...you can become WHOLE. That stability and holding that space benefits everyone around you whether you physically interact with them or not. You have undoubtedly realized that we are all CONNECTED and ONE affecting each other every day.

    I had to walk away from my family. I moved and started completely over. My mother kept hurting me even after taking breaks that lasted years each time she pulled a manipulation that I could not tolerate. I have children she could have enjoyed but she could not stand to watch my happy without trying to tear it down or spread lies about me to anyone that would listen. She even convinced my father of her stories...they have been divorced for 20 years and he KNEW first hand of her ability to deceive and desire to destroy our relationship. In her desire to create her false reality, there is no bounds to who she harms or how she manipulates others.

    To live in peace, I was forced to change my name and social security number and that of my children. Sociopaths never give up it seems. They tend to target their children. While I had great guilt for turning my back on my family....it was far more dangerous to allow an individual to repeatedly cause me harm.

    Forget about the money, let go of all the harm and wrongs done to you. Learn to FEEL peace and move forward in integrity and you WILL make your own way. Just doing that will contribute to those around you. Most importantly you will feel good about yourself. As an empath you can help so many. It's the path to service to self that sociopaths take. Strive for service to others at least 51% of the time and you will ensure a different positive path. I know I often worry of being like 'them'. Let go of ALL fear by identifying them first and then realizing the worry will bring that frequency of events to you. Your FOCUS determines your REALITY. What you allow your mind to dwell on...comes to you.

    I hope this helps. I have walked in similar shoes. Letting go FEELS so much better than intellectualizing the pain. You can't change the past but you can BE the best you possible today and every day going forward. Don't live in the confines they have placed upon you, break free and create your OWN existence...happy, peaceful, fabulous, adventurous...whatever YOU CHOOSE!

    Namaste,
    Jasmine

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  39. Martin is not an empath. He is an intelligent sociopath who not only can read people but enjoys toying with them. My ex was an excellent poker player because he could decipher every tick and emotion emulated by the person. He also copycats emotions to pass as normal. Don't trust martin's info, it is derived from his degree.

    ReplyDelete

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