Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Relationship with a sociopath: breaking up is hard to do

A(nother) reason that many sociopaths like to be around people, have friends, be in relationships, etc.:
Rejection resonates with a primal threat, one the brain seems designed to highlight. [I]n human prehistory being part of a band was essential for survival; exclusion could be a death sentence, as is still true today for infant mammals in the wild. The pain center [that triggers actual physical pain at real or impending social isolation] may have evolved this sensitivity to social exclusion as an alarm signal to warn of potntial banishment--and presumably to prompt us to repair the threatened relationship.

When our need for closeness goes unmet, emotional disorders can result. . . . Social rejection--or fearing it--is one of the most common causes of anxiety. Feelings of inclusion depend not so much on having frequent social contacts or numerous relationships as on how accepted we feel, even in just a few key relationships.
Also from Social Intelligence. This interesting because I can feel severe anxiety at the prospect of a break up, resulting in nausea, headaches, and other intense physical pain. A relative of mine (also sociopath) gets the same -- always in the toilet vomiting when his girlfriend threatens to leave him. I don't know whether all socios are that way, but I imagine that they at least find isolation or abandonment to be unpleasant.

74 comments:

  1. If you want to talk about fear of not being a member of The Group, you're not talking about "sociopaths."
    You keep talking about "sociopaths" as if they are the pathological cases. Yawn.
    -Vigilius

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    1. I agree with you completely. A Sociapath cannot be abandoned, he/she is alone and out for what they can get. They do not care and can justify the person/s whom leave with contempt. They do not have a conscience and anyone thinking they have one over on them is a fool, it is impossible. No heart and no feelings. The only thing they find unpleasant is obstacles in their way of what they want.

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  2. This is something I've experienced as well. Horrible physical nausea at a prospective breakup or comparable rejection. Interestingly, however, when I'm dumped (or dump someone), I lose interest in them quickly, which is one of a few things that suggest to me that what we as sociopaths feel as love is not really the same thing that most people feel.

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  3. I LOATHE the thought of rejection but am always the dump-er or abandoner when I just don't want them anymore. Should they not take the rejection rough enough or not agree to be my friend (AKA perpetually-pining emotional fodder that I never really stop seducing and ruin for any future significant others) I get angry/upset/feel sick and then go to the trouble of winning them over and re-breaking them.
    I actually prefer being single and alone, with a bunch of ambiguous friendship/romantic relationships and terminate a relationship after a few months should some poor guy manage to snag me in some kind of commitment.

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  4. What is wrong with me then?? lol, rejection to me is a natural end to a process. I almost anticipate it. Then feel "normal" when its done and dusted. I enjoy being alone for long periods of time, picking and choosing when i want to engage with others. Loneliness has become like a close friend. I tell anybody who is interested in me that this will come to an end, so don't expect too much from me. I prefer lonliness to long term relationships....im just plain mad. Theres no place where i belong lmao.

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  5. I'm not sure if I'm really a sociopath but I've done some pretty heartless things, all of which are legal though. I don't feel a wide array of emotions and I don't feel emotional pain in moments were other people would. But when I'm dumped! It's like my world temporarily unfolds! I puke and feel anxiety and severe pain. But the reason for my extreme pain is because I lost control of the other person. How dare them leave me. How dare them serve someone else. How dare them choose to live without me. I get extremely angry at them for choosing to be independent of me that I tend to cross boundaries. But I never do anything illegal because I don't want to go to jail. But the funny thing is i would rather they die of cancer and perhaps not feel as much pain than them break up with me.

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  6. Sociapaths would not come here to express their feelings...clearly because they do not have any. I've been married to one for 8 years now and he only expresses his feelings when he wants something in return. Call me crazy because i actually love this creep; however it is a love/hate.

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    1. i'm in agreement with AnonymousMar 5, 2010 07:20 AM in terms of sociopaths expressing feelings.sociopaths "fake" having feelings in order to fit in. abandonment is not an issue. they just move on.

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    2. I have found in my recent dealing with one that he borrowed my identity and vocabulary to mimic similarity with me. It models classic usery... Whatever it takes to meet his needs. He will always has a backup so that he is not alone. He takes the language he has pulled from me and presents it to new comers to gain pity/compassion i.e. he tells them "I have abandonment issues" which will draw in a codependent that responds to pity and guilt. They are without conscience although they try to suggest they are in a lot of 'pain' and feel badly how he "broke a former heart".

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    3. Exactly, normal humans cannot understand a Sociapath until you actually live with one. It is a terrible way to live for the sane half of the relationship. I know like yourself. My partner does the mimic vocabulary and mannerisms too. it is horrific to live with and very hard for the outside world to grasp. We take the blame for their mentality.

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  7. Relationships just ended up being plain inconvenient for me.

    I was always a total dick to partners (although they rarely found out) - but when some bad stuff outside my control happened to a girl I was with (and loved - the way some of us do) I couldn't help her. Didn't have the tools or the motivation.

    If I go to heaven it'll be for remaining single.

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  8. "Sociapaths would not come here to express their feelings...clearly because they do not have any"

    Learn to spell.

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    1. Typos happen sometimes. Find something useful to get upset about.

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  9. Sociopaths have no feelings of guilt or sympathy. They have no compassion.
    They do not have the capability to love like others. They only play a game.
    It’s a game to feed on the compassionate and kind. They see it as weak. To feel love
    Is to be weak. So they bring you down to have control over you to get what they
    Want out of you. If you don’t go along with their game then they get angry and bored
    Of you. I am in a game with a sociopath. Even tho I know he don’t love me I still love
    The fake fantasy he brings but I don’t know if I can survive this hell.

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  10. Still trying to not look back and hold back from my fiance who is a prominent sociopath. I have known him in and out! He lied with perfection believing that he is speaking the truth. And when caught red handed lying, he totally makes me feel I am crazy and need to be on medication. lol. A lot of times I showed him proofs of his lying, and he never ever felt guilty! He cries like a baby and then the next moment, i am like, is he the same guy who was just crying and needing me! I love him to death! I cannot see him in pain and in tears! Even when he teats me like a slave, like an animal and like someone who doesnt feel pain so keep hurting, or maybe he likes to see me in pain, i dont know! Anyways, I am still crying right now and thinking about him. His love has trapped me so bad! i just pary to God that I forget him as soon as possible and give me couage to not look at him. Although he has really crushed me and now see me with full rejection for no reason. Also, I have faults but never ever tried to play with his heart and feelings! never lied or mistrusted him. It is so crazy, that I still feel for him and i still missi him although he has NOT let go one moment when he can hurt me.

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    1. sociopaths don't cry. sounds like you have a narcissist on your hands.

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    2. Sure they can. It's called acting...something the more intelligent sociopaths do all too well.

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    3. Oh yes they can cry.
      Saying the same story for the 10th time :( at exACTly the same spot that brought the tears on each and every time before.
      :)
      I laugh now as we had been together for 2 months and it was my Birthday (no matter, just makes it a more "memorable" time) and after his "cry", I talked to my sister-in-law (not HIS sister) and told her that I have NEVER felt such a bond and how did I get so lucky?
      I thought, "Cause I'm turning the pivotal age of 50 and DAMN IT!!! I'm DUE."
      And as much as I love roller coasters, I had no idea that at 50, I would ride the scariest one ever....
      Well so much for laughing.....
      :(

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  11. LOL.This blog makes me laugh more than any other.
    There are possibly more people in relationships with sociopaths than there are sociopaths commenting!
    I guess it's not suprising.
    But I would be deathly angry if my significant other commented on a blog my without my permission.
    I've never been broken up with. But I feel personally insulted if someone I have broken up with doesn't seem close to tears whenever I see them for at least a few weeks.

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  12. Anonymous - April 19, 2010 12:23 AM -

    Sounds like you have some codependent issues. I know because I do. Check out a support group like coda.org - or read about it online. You might get some great realizations out of it.

    Cheers
    b

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  13. I broke up with a sociopath last year. Was the hardest thing I've ever had to do; I loved him like the air. I had to leave and not look back because I hated to see him upset. But you move on in time and it was the best decision I've ever made looking back. Good luck.

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  14. I can't never understand why people make relationship if they haven't the intention to continue it.

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  15. Sociopaths are a walking tornado that such you in and eventually spit you out. While you are up in the air swirling in a relationship with them, the fierce winds rip your heart out and tear you from limb to limb. I recently discovered that my husband of 25 years is a Sociopath. We were high school sweethearts, married, had children and I dedicated 20 years of my life being the business mind of HIS business. The last few years I have discovered elaborate lies, hiding family money and constant "mind games" perpetrated to make me believe that I'm going crazy... Mean and cruel. I have been an honest and faithful wife, married to Satan in a charming, handsome, muscular and kind(good actor) illusion. A sociopath that gets married and destroys the opportunity for their spouse to meet a healthy mate, is EVIL. To potentially infect one's pregnant wife with prostitute poison STDs or worse while pregnant? Sick, sick, sick... It should be a crime sentences to massive time in prison. A sociopath's marriage vows should read: After I destroy you emotionally, physically & mentally, leaving you an empty shell on the verge of death... Do us part.

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    1. I have just broken up with a sociopath who I had NO idea of his past until he was gone and connected with a couple of his ex-wives, that I knew nothing about until the end. This man has abandoned 3 wives and 3 children and doesn't even blink an eye!! I am so totally blown away. I didn't even know what a sociopath WAS until somebody said he was a "classic" case so I started researching and I'm still just surprised!!! I don't know what else to say. The guy doesn't have any feelings... NONE!! They DO suck it out of you though, don't they?

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    2. WELL SAID!!!

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    3. I wonder if the sociopath "anonymous" decsribed who abandoned three wives and three children is my ex? He is textbook sociopath. No job, lives on welfare, divorced three women and when he tires of one, moves on to the next without skipping a beat. Lies, cheats and steals. Broke into my home and stole my belongings. His phone is full of texts, emails and voicemails from his other "targets". Unsuspecting women who will be sucked in by his words "I want to taste your kiss." Sick and wrong. Then the control tactics will begin. Isolating you from family and friends. Texting non-stop but rarely calling. He tracked my menstrual cycle so he could impregnate me. Demanded I marry him (thank God I didn't). He wanted to put a GPS tracker on my phone so he would know my whereabouts at all times. But then he became bored with me and tossed me out like yesterday's garbage, just like all the women before me. He sucked me dry physically, financially and emotionally and then moves on to his next victim. These guys should have to go to jail for what they do to women. It should be a punishable crime.

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    4. How about what the women do to men. Not only do they not care they use sex in very evil ways that a man has little defense against.

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    5. I do feel for you. I recently got into therapy and it was my therapist who made me realize the person I was involved with was a sociopath. I have been married for 29 yrs., got involved with this man, had an affair for the last year and half. This man swept me off my feet and I fell madly in love with him. He ended the relationship saying he could never love me deeply, the way I loved him. I am heartbroken

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  16. ^^^ I understand what you are talking about, my ex had me believe I was the crazy one. After 5 years I've had enough.

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    1. Read the sociopath next door. Pretty good book for a general introduction. She talks about "gaslighting". A term referring to how socio/psycho's can make you feel like you are going crazy because you believe their act instead of following your intuition.

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    2. Truly, my sympathies, for you are not alone! Hope there were no children involved. And sincerely hope all is well in your life now!! Bless your heart for sharing

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  17. First I want to say THANK YOU for this website and a huge THANK YOU to all my fellow victims. I've read alot here, and I won't repeat too much of what has already been said, because all of you have said it so well. What I CAN add that I haven't seen written already is this: I was 19, he was 43, I let him talk me out of marrying my boyfriend, who was my own age. This guy and I met at work. I thought we were just friends. I never fell in love, it was never romantic, in the least, because of course he has no ability to love or be romantic in the first place. When I dropped my boyfriend, I should have dummped this guy the same day. I grew up with a "mom" that was a socio, and as they say, especially at that age, barely 19, I gravitated to what I was familiar with. Long story short, it's been 34+ yrs of living hell. I've been researching for the past 5 yrs. trying to find out what IS wrong with him? I knew I was ok, but had wasted most of my life trying to help him find peace, and happiness. Well of course I made absolutely no progress with that. All that came from it was me living in a nightmare that I never even told my closest friends or family about until 5 yrs ago. I read books about passive/aggressive, BPD, split personality, etc. and yes, most of all that fit, but I KNEW I was still not at the ROOT of the problem. Then, I think thru divine help, I saw the word sociopath in a headline on the internet and I couldn't get the word out of my head for days, so I began reading. One article said, "if you've just now realized you're living with a sociopath, you may be nauseous". I thought I was going to faint, for real. Finally, after 34 yrs. of insanity, trying desperately to figure out WHAT was going on?? I had my answer. Because he really was simply my "dad", I REALLY felt responsible for him all those years and was also afraid he'd never let me leave, alive anyway.
    Once I had THE root cause for all this nightmare, of course I was shocked, furious, and felt like my "dad" had just died, but most importantly, I felt FREE for the first time since I was 19. We're still under the same roof, only for as long as it takes me to take all the appropriate steps to bring this to a permanent and successful conclusion. I'm making all the calls, enlisting all the help and backup that may be needed, leaving no stone unturned. When the day is right, and all is ready, I will announce the immediate, permanent separation, and insist on no further contact, EVER. I've never written on any subject on the internet ever before, but I felt compelled to share my story, because I am SO grateful to all of you who have shared YOURS here. It has been the equivalent of some serious therapy for me. I hope my story helps someone else. I wish all young girls just starting out, knew about these type of people. This is very serious business; they are able, at least in my case, to ruin nearly an entire lifetime. Tragic. I wish everyone here, safety, peace and all the happiness your hearts can hold. :)

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    1. It makes me realize that I'm really lucky that in only a couple years before I figured him out and got OUT myself!!!

      He was living with somebody else within a week and I know she's clueless and I want to tell her but also know that Karma WILL take care of this and it's not my place to interfer but it makes me feel guilty for not letting her know what she's getting into. She'd probably just get defensive and think I was just a bitter ex-girlfriend so I will just move on.

      So onward ho for me!!! You too!

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    2. same with me- I am told i am lucky- was only with my ex for 2 years.. but the damage, the emotional, physical, pschychological, spiritual, financial damage is unbeleivable. I left and within a month the ex had someone else and she moved in just one month after that and I too struggled with wanting to expose my ex- if nothing else but to protect his new ' victim ' but luckily after just 2 months of living with him- she clued in and moved out.. 3 weeks later he got a yet another new 'victim'-within 2 months not only did my evil ex move in with HER but they also got engaged. Again- I felt that I should warn the new ' victim' but was aware i may look like a vendictive/bitter ex gf but just found out that she- the new victim- called off the engagment- YES!!!! I was sooooo relieved..she will never know how much she just made the best decision of her life by calling the engagement off AND - booted him out- why can't these evil people and yes it's the closest I have come to shaking hands with the devil just leave people alone and stay single??? the world would be a better place- it is sooo selfish of them to do this to innocent people- the verbal abuse, mental anguish, energy sucking, chaos and heartless, cruel treatment and games is unacceptable. I have gotten out- thank god and have moved on as best I can- in time it DOES get better but I pray I never run into another spawn of satan again.Good luck to you all.. you CAN lead a normal healthy happy life after running into these despicable ' human beings'

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    3. Yes, but how do you lead a normal life again and how long does it take? I left my Sociopath of almost 5 years this week without hesitation on my part. I feel very sad and broken hearted when I should actually be throwing a party celebrating and being overjoyed! What's wrong with this picture??? The final week that we were living together, he started realizing that I won't be there anymore to slave over him and play his little games. Well I stopped playing HIS games, which is why he got bored and basically told me that I had to move out. Now, he is calling me telling me that he misses me and does not want us to end for good and to see if we can work out our relationship...while we are apart, ya right!! He had every chance when we were together to be decent and now that its too late, he expects me to be forgiving! How stupid is he?? He put me through so much hell in our relationship and all I ever wanted was to love him, but I know they cannot love or be loved even. Although, stupidly enough I do miss him and I am very sad. I know I need to break all contact, but he always has a reason for us to make contact and I am so very weak and he knows it!!

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    4. Mine got bored with me after only a few months. I figured out what he was during the breakup because I recognized my own patterns of previous behavior. Once that was figured out and I basically forced him into breaking complete contact with me (I made it seem like it was his choice to do it instead of what I actually wanted) and am much happier for it.

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    5. I've been in an on again-off again 6 year relationship with my sociopath. The first 6 months were amazing beyond believe. The last 5.5 years have been a mixture of good, great and horrible hell. When he was focused on being the good perfect boyfriend giving this relationship a fighting shot- we were great. The rest to the time was spent dealing with his mind games, emotional neglect, and silent treatment punishments and being 'removed' from having access to any part of his life, whether it was friends, family, or social media. We would go through 6 week- 3 month periods of togetherness and than his conduct would change and well everything about him, we would argue than fight than break-up for a few days to sometimes 2 weeks. 3 times we broke up for like 2 months, at which time he would be with this 'back up' girl getting his emotional fix of attention and adoration. Than he would end it with her saying she was crazy or not what he wanted and come back to me claiming how much he realizes I'm the one for him, etc- I always took him back because he made it seem like I was the victorious choice- and we would be great for another 2 months as he proved just how much I mattered- sometimes he even got me to end possible relationships of moving on. Just last month I started catching onto alot of his lies and came across a sickening amount of porn obsession (like over 400+ sites he belonged to on just ONE social media group) After that he began to pull away (I actually haven't physically seen him since) and he punished me for 2 weeks of using his famous 'silent treatment' and than never showing up for plans or promises. Than he finally told me that we are just 'too broken' to continue and that he found a nice girl that might be willing to date him. He kept in contact with me pouring his heart out about how he realizes that he doesn't think he's meant to truly be happy with anyone and that his calling is to help 'lost souls' into becoming stronger woman and guiding them to their next path (Yes seriously- he said this!) Like he is some new holy usher or something. He would put this pour girl down while talking to me- saying that he is attempting to learn how to communicate with someone in hopes to fix us and that she listens to him and trys to understand without judgement. That they have shared this deep connecting bond and that he has realized that he is afraid to be alone in life and just wants a compainion to get thru this time of trying to get over me! He would go on about how he just wants to take 4 months to learn new lessons from someone else and so should I and that we will get back together. And for the first time in months he was love-bombing me, texting me hundreds of times a day, we were on the phone till 3 in the morning day after day- connecting again, than he slept with her one night and told me he doesn't want to be a cheater like he always has been in the past- that he wants to change his ways and start doing things right and that this girl (who is 16 years younger than him) is worth giving a real shot but that he doesn't want to lose me completely because I still make him happy. I told him 'yeah-good-bye.' He started going on about how i can have a life without him and when i didn't respond he sent this text: 'So i'll say this as my final words to you...Thank you for all you showed me it was an honor to have loved you! I truly hope you find happiness in all you do!! Good bye" I responded with- 'I wish I could say the same" and blocked him as im sure he has blocked me like always. I have a feeling he is going to contact me in the next coming months when this love-bombing faze goes away with her- but maybe not because this girl he really seemed drawn to and intent on prosueing like none other I've seen him with.

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  19. I had a relationship with a sociopath for 7 years. He was married to someone else and I became nothing more than a game to him. He abused me mentally and constantly put me down and made snide remarks about my intellect and abilities. He would spin me a web of intricate lies, "I will leave Val soon, she's a lesbian and I'm just her beard" .. and "I hate being married to her, she's not even into men." This went on and when I challenged or questioned I got shot down, or worse, he ripped my life apart and made me cry. No matter what went wrong, it was always my fault. I finally ended the relationship by sending his "wife" some photos on her cell. After that, I got no more calls or communication... it was as if I had died. In retrospect, he didn't love me at all. I was merely a game and every time I questioned him about the thousands of lies he made it a battle ground to point out the weaknesses in my own life, my character, and my abilities. Goodbye, Edward Mazzei. I am far better off without your abusive nature, your lies and manipulation, and your sociopathic lack of emotion.

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    1. Good girl!!! You don't need that and neither do the rest of us!!!!

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    2. I like that you announced his name...too funny!

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    3. I had a 7 year relationship with a sociopath also. I just realized it now putting all the pieces together, after he dumped me like I was a nobody. I lost my self esteem my sanity my self worth over the years with all his lies, manipulation, constant promiscuous nature having one night stands etc.. I forgave and forgave and forgave with all the excuses he had given me.. promises of marriage and that I was his first love. He was also married and hid that from me when we first met, I only found out a year after knowing him. I feel for you, for myself and I hope all of us who have been harmed and damaged by a sociopath, that we will be able to recover in time and remember what a normal happy life is like again.

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    4. I'm glad you said his name. I thought we were with the same guy! OMG. I got the same lie...my wife is a lesbian, poor me, blah, blah blah. ugh.

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  20. I spent 10 years of my life loving a sociopath. He verbally abused me, cheated on me and constantly lied. I realize now it was nothing more than a game for him...something to amuse himself with. Perhaps he may feel that he has 'won the game' but I acutally feel I'm the one that came out a winner here. He managed to kill the love I felt for him and now I am living a very happy life.

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  21. I dont know an extensive amount on sociopaths, but from what I read somewhere I'm pretty positive my boyfriend is one. Is it wrong that even though I know this, and I know what he's done in the past, I still want him and love him and want to be with him? Because even though his love is an act, it's way better than any normal person could give me. I want that feeling, whether it's fake or real. And to be honest, the normal guys can't handle me..

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    1. What is wrong is that you don't value yourself more than this. You have set yourself up to be robbed from. Your energy, your time and your virtue. You are the victim in your own crime scene. You will find something true and better, but you have to get out of this situation. There is no staying in it without being consumed by the vacuum of his selfishness and lies. It will teach you love is sick and twisted and no one deserves that. You may love him, but he is not capable of 'loving' you as you long to be. You will feel perpetually crazy because of the lies and falsehood that are given to you. His words are not supported by his actions and that makes the recipient crazy. In time, you will think it is your doing/fault. So... if you want a life ... run as fast as you can and don't maintain contact!! It will just suck you back in. What you are experiencing is a lie - an illusion. You deserve better!

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    2. You can do better Hanna!! NOBODY needs anybody else that bad. You are just looking for love and this isn't it! Go find real LOVE... you can do it. Dump this guy NOW!!!!

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    3. OMG, what you wrote Hanna is so much of what I feel. I have been with a sociopath for 4 years now and he had another girlfriend for the last 2 of those years and he perpetually lied to me about it saying it was "over" and we broke up and it was only sex not love, etc. And I kept taking him back because I felt those same thoughts --even if it's all a lie he makes me feel so alive and vibrant and I don't know if anybody else would want me anyway because my self esteem is low even though i am pretty, successful and a really good person.
      Right now I am trying no contact but my finger is always on the phone feeling like a trigger pointed at my own head. I know if I call I will get the lies I have so conditioned myself to love. OMG, how sick are we????

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    4. I'm not sure if the guy I dated was a sociopath or just a narcissist, maybe somewhere in between. He is a hell of an actor. he was cheating on me, for likely our entire relationship. a week after we broke up, he literally moved from my/our apt and in with another girl- a friend and former coworker of mine, no less. I lost my shit, hit rock bottom-how could someone be so cruel, so heartless? He pursued ME, he didn't deserve ME (no job, no education, pothead, alcoholic). This was almost 6 mos ago and I'm still not over what happened or him. he gets to go on and live his happy go lucky lifestyle with his new girlfriend. He did atrocious things to me and blatantly treated me like shit, esp at the end and after the breakup. He saw me with someone else and then the real manipulation started; calls/texts "i love you" "I miss you" "I need you". One of his exes contacted me- it was nice, yet sad to know she had been in my shoes and that even after years she too still struggled. I don't want that to be me. She encouraged me to read about sociopaths; it describes him to a T, but there are some conflicting characteristics. He cried, he was very affectionate and thoughtful (at first anyways) caring (i guess when it was convienent for him though). he constantly would bring up the things we had done together, the memories we had made-some of them that I had even forgot about. I'm giving him too much benefit of the doubt- sociopaths ARE superb actors and manipulators. I get confused because he is a complete moron. I know hindsight is 20/20, i really regret not listening to my instincts. I left my job after this and traveled 1300 miles away because i couldnt handle it anymore, the heartbreak was consuming me, i was obsessed, addicted to thinking about everything that had happened. I'm still struggling with that addiction, obviously. As soon as he found out I was moving- he "broke down"- He was like "You fucking left me, you turned your back on me- I love you, come home and be with me"- Mind fuck, is an understatement. He would talk to me for days at a time then disappear for a week and then reappear in my life, like nothing had happened and I wouldn't really broach the subject because i was afraid of making him mad and pushing him away. I lost all respect for myself and I think that's the worst part of this ordeal. He was never there when I needed him and he had the nerve to tell me I turned my back on him. He would say "im gonna make this right, I hate what happened" and i ate it up-STUPID. I finally started to get angry. his current gf called to confront me about talking to him (she looked thru his phone, but of course ignored the things he said to me, everything was my fault). Even before this i told her several times what he was doing behind her back, went as far to forward texts and pictures he had sent to me, which she chose to ignore. So the phone call was shocking, and I thought I actually got through to her, but that was short lived. He doesnt contact me as much lately, prob because I fwded more shit to her after that call-nothing works and its not my problem, but for some reason it annoys the shit out of me that he is getting away with this behavior, with yet another person!! He never suffers the consequences for his behavior-only the people he hurts along the way seem to. Sometimes I feel crazy, but thats the effect people like him have on people with hearts and souls. I hate seeing them happy together- he takes her fishing, which I thought was "our" thing, at least he made it seem like that to me. But its not, and it breaks my heart. I was prob exactly like her, blinded. But for some reason, I feel like things will be different w her, like shes special or something. Sorry for this long winded rant.

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    5. Oh my gosh. Reading this is like reading my own situation. My ex was exactly the same - in fact he is still the same. Trying to worm his way into my life at any cost. I only discovered yesterday that he is probably a sociopath - it's made me feel so sick and disturbed. Feel free to rant again, as I felt that I related to it completely.

      Delete
  22. Oh my gosh. Reading this is like reading my own situation. My ex was exactly the same - in fact he is still the same. Trying to worm his way into my life at any cost. I only discovered yesterday that he is probably a sociopath - it's made me feel so sick and disturbed. Feel free to rant again, as I felt that I related to it completely.

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  23. Give me real, raw, honest replies. I'm just trying to understand this, I don't need comfort. I've been with this guy on and off for 8 yrs, its been intense from the moment we met. 5 yrs ago I found out he was cheating, his pregnant gf called me asking who I was and proceeded to tell me they were getting married, and they did. Had a daughter. I cut all ties with him. 2 1/2 yrs ago he found me. We lived very far from eachother and only had phone communication. He wasn't able to use his physical charm on me and I became able to read him like a book. I could tell when he lied, was sincere, telling a story...all by his varying sounds. We had conversations about some deeply dark things, we understood eachother, openminded...weren't afraid of confessing our rotten sides to eachother and never shared those things with any other person. Avoiding physical contact and studying his sounds was the best decision I made, despite how this winds up. I have bipolar 1 with rapid cycling, I choose the medicated path. I knew he had a mental disorder, wasnt sure which. Never knew about sociopath really. I moved over 1000 miles, transferred my job, to be with him 2 yrs ago. He was no where to be found when I got there, for a month. Found out he had 3 other gfs. He begged me for another shot, I told him I want consistency before I took him back. We were back together, found out he was cheating again and I left. Last august he told me he was ready to be the man I need, that he spent 5 months alone to find himself. He proposed, I accepted. Everyone was shocked, I was the only woman that settled him down. He wanted a baby with me, we started fertility treatments. He got a giant tattoo of our special saying with my initials on his arm, wore a wedding band and I tattooed his initials on my ring finger. Found out I'm pregnant 3 weeks ago. He told me we were irresponsible, it wasnt a good idea and we should start over as just friends. Are you kidding me?? Found out 2 weeks ago he has another fiance, been together 6 mos. He told her the wedding band and tattoo were for her, she bought him an expensive vehicle (he said he bought it for us, our family) Pics he showed me with his family had her in them, he said she was his step sister. Over the last 2 weeks I found out he - got married to someone our first yr together and split after 3 mos, has a son he has seen twice, has had multiple fiances, they pay his bills, he gets on their bank accts, he was living in 3 separate houses...each one was with a fiance, he steals their money, moves out while theyre at work and never talks to them again. Hes 27, doing this since he was 18. He told me hes working 70 hrs a week so we could buy a house and family vehicle. I felt he was cheating, couldn't prove it, but I never imagined it to be this extreme. Each of us girls have nicknames so his 4 yr old daughter wont bust him out. All those girls are 21 and under. His entire family covers for him. I left him a vm 2 weeks ago, told him I knew about this fiance. Within 15 mins he deleted every acct online, havent talked to him since. My confusion: I'm the only one he kept in his life. He never once stole ANYTHING from me. I never paid his bills. He bought ME things. Gave me his ss card, license, birth certificate, military dog tags, bank acct info. I'm beneficiary on his life insurance. I'm his emergency contact. I dont feel like a victim, I stayed on my own free will. Why am I the only one he never took from? Why did he give me full reign of his info? Why was I different from the rest to him? I busted him big this time, I know thats why he hasnt contacted me. I'd love sociopaths view points on this, as well as others.

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    Replies
    1. Why did he? Does it really matter? I agree that you are not his victim & you are acting under your own free will. However, you know this relationship is not healthy and it will not serve you or your child well to continue with this man.

      Delete
  24. This eve is the first oe I am spending as a divorced person. I met an enchanting warm inviting, fun, reasonably sexy, very pretty girl 14 1/2 years ago. First night i met her, she shared her lif to me, all the cruelties she experienced and i my heart i said, take her home she is a mess, looking for love. Just as I thought that, its like she was reading my mind and asked me if I wanted a massage. Up until that point I had been celibate for 9 months. One thing led to another & she indulged me in all my sexual appetites. We got engaged shortly after. 3 times I tried to break it off, I knew we shouldnt be together, each time she used the phrase, "you will never find someone who will love you as much as me", At our wedding we promised to give each other a rose on every month on the day of our wedding as a gesture of our vows. First 2 months she forgot. And the sex became less. fastforward 10 years later & , long story short, I am now divorced. She was in a relationship immediately after she said it was over. She is one of those who always has someone set up before she can leave a relationship. What is scarry is, she always plays the victim card & never took ownership, Every guy she claimed she had ever been with cheated on her. In truth I did to as I could no longer rely on her for sex. She was a classic passive aggressive codependant & i have addictive personality, a toxic mix. I entered the relationship with full honesty, she offered me fantasy & I bought into. In the end she painted me as the psychopath & eve phoned the cops on me for asking her to get her lawyer to set the fial hearing for the divorce. She didn't even have my place of birth correct on the initial petition.I could go on and on. She was a mistress of defense projectionism, I thought I was the insane one in the marriage, now I know different. In retrospect, I should have listened to that little voice or my instinct that said, have nothing to do with her. BOTTOM LINE research the person you get involved with before you get involved with them, don't rely on what they say. Does their actions match their words, do they live in a world of double standards, do they usually speak in ambiguities about their past? Check out their friends, and family & even their enemies, seriously, save yourself alotta pain and hurt by investing a little bit of time in this, it will be worth it, lest you get strung along like me, and loose 10 years , your self esteem and youth.

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  25. I met a man in his mid 40's im 50.I had just lost my husband of 11 years to a drug overdose.I wasn't really looking for a relationship and what I got has been and still is a living hell which has gone on for over a year now.He was and still is a very sympathetic, caring ,loving individual which I know now is just a very accomplished act.After getting me to spend all my money on him getting me to give all my attention to him alianating my family for him he met someone else and moved on.What a joke, he keeps me right where he wants me.I am not able to have another relationship because he pops up when he finds out and mind skrews me into believing that I am the only one that really understands him.Just for good messure he throws in that he loves me and misses me every day which gets me to stop seeing or talking to another man.I have tried to warn his new victim that he is a sociopath and that he is just using her but of course he tells her im just a jealous ex girlfriend and she believes him just like I did.She has 4 children and a really good job to loose.I need to know from someone why I can't just turn my back on him after everything he has done to me.I know he will never change and he doesnt love anyone but himself! Someone tell me how to get him out of my life before he steals my sanity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I sure wish I could help because I am still just as confused about my "relationship" and my "IR-rationality" in the whole thing.
      He never stole from me...he didn't HAVE to.
      I offered/begged him to take!
      I have read EVERYthing on "HIM" but what I really need to do is read EVERYthing on "ME."
      Obviously, no one will ever take me financially again as HE took it all.
      But financials aside as I can work and invest what I have left to regain but AGAIN...it's NOT the financial that is so hard for me to deal with.
      It's the TRUST factor, it's the taking advantage of a vulnerable person that hurts.
      I ALLOWED him/them to do so!

      HE was the longest, 1.8 years but since I left my X HUSBAND 6 years ago, I "dated" 2 more of THEM.
      I was just apparently more vulnerable(needy/clingy) than they could even handle that THEY left ME. :/
      The part of the financial that upsets me the most right now is that I have to fix me...just ME, MYSELF and I as I can't afford outside help.
      (Thanks to a Higher Power that my BFF has been there/done that or I don't know WHAT I'd do!)

      BUT....what I DO know is that I am STILL a very caring, kind (yes NEEDY TOO) person and I am going to HUNT down the answer for you/us/me.
      See, just ASK me and I will move MOUNtains to help fix.
      This time though, I will hopefully be fixing ME in the process!
















      Delete
  26. I was going thru a very vulnerable time in my life. The man I met was like my best friend.. we were a team.. he was so supportive of me. He had a woman he lived with and still does.. however he told me that there was nothing left with her.. she wont sleep with him anymore blah blah blah. it was great we were friends.. but then got physical and the downward spiral started. The withholding, the lies, the manipulation.. the too busy lies... on and on and on. He would be consistent maybe for two days.. then fighting would start again. He has destroyed my life.. created so much drama and left me in ruins. He refuses to communicate with me after I couldnt take anymore and in an angry rage sent his live in girl pics of himself to her phone and email. We had some work dealings so he did communicate re that,, but once I replied it was more of the ignore game. Now he wont talk to me at all... told someone he is way to hurt. So, why email me to begin with.. makes no sense. He has done this in the past too... the ignore game. but this is the longest and the most suffering i have had to endure. I am gaining strenght to just move on. It is difficult to do so though, bc I just cant believe someone could be so cruel.. my mind knows he is a sociopath.. but my heart just cant forget the nice him. so, many times i could have kicked him out of my life for his nasty behaviour.. i always took him back. and now he gets the last say. It hurts, it sux.. and yes he has ruined my life. His GF thinks all the women in his life are the nutty ones.. she wont believe a word i say.. and only got in contact with me once... and i made up an excuse of why i contacted her.. she still has one msg waiting in her inbox..yet to reply to me... doesnt matter she wont see the light. Im just tired of hurting :( my PTSD is really bad.

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    Replies
    1. me too...to all the people that said they'd rather stay in love with a loveless person than be alone.
      it's been 1.8 years of a bad/good roller coaster ride from/thru hell and i don't know if i will ever be totally ridden of the guilt i feel for loving/buying him.
      i KNOW, with what i've LOANED him (5 grand) and what i've dished out on 2 e.r. stints (OVER 15 grand due to no insurance,) both of which were diagnosed as global amnesia (due to up-bringing but pushed over the edge by HIM)and the money i used to buy his COMPANY/FICTITIOUS LOVE (PROBably another 10 grand) that i am probably worse off than most of you that have chosen to stay.
      my horrific child-hood (that could be a #1 top seller if were i to write a book,) along with my 25 year marriage with the same person as my "dad".........does not give me an exCUSE as to what i just put up with but most DEFinately a REAson.
      I am on day SEVEN of ME leaving HIM for a change as HE was the one who RAN over 100+ times until i would GROVEL him to DEATH to get him BACK. *puke*
      i am not just out financially, i am out emotionally as i am SICKENED as to what i am typing.
      i JUST came to my own conclusion 2 weeks ago that i was willing to play his game but according to MY rules and that's the only time i clearly saw him as the monster i knew he was, ONE WEEK into our tumultuous relationship.
      i said, (to the ONLY 2 people that know what i have been dealing with and still stood by my side) that i have come to the conclusion that no matter WHAT i have LOST, there was NO comparison to what i had GAINED.
      which WAS......1.8 years of LIVING life instead of WATCHing it.

      all i can HOPE for at this time in my life (i will be 52 in march) is that the part of me that is SO positively HAPPY that i walked from him, is that it will be my beacon of shining light, bright enough to UNshadow all of the horrendous DARKness that I have endured.
      although these 1.8 years of my life were absolutely without QUEStion, the most EVIL days of my life.....they were ALso the BEST and the most HAPPY. :/

      Delete
  27. 2 months ago I ended a 6yr `relationship` with a narcissistic sociopath...I wouldn`t even know where to start. From a strong, kind, thoughtful, sensual, passionate, educated, professional, family orientated person to a confused, lonely, isolated, neglected, intimidated, threatened, co-erced, verbally abused, miserable and pathetic wreck within months of meeting him. The last 4yrs devoid of any intimacy whatsoever..his anger, his inflated ego, love of drama, creator of chaos and conflict, his irresponsibility, coldness, whingeing, complaining, crying...the list is endless...and yet I feel sorry for him??

    ReplyDelete
  28. Sociopaths, what would irritate you most when running into an ex who had left you?

    Seeing him/her smile at you warmly then walk away completely unperturbed by the happen-chance spotting? Having the other person ignore you completely? Seeing the person happy and successful without you?

    And, just for safe measure, what would your recourse be? Try to get them back? Or try to hurt them?

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  29. After a ong term break up, why would a sociopath leave all your pictures up, his social status to married and so on?

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  30. OH MY, it's been 7 years for me, seven years of a living hell and I was so in love and so understanding that it blinded me from what my partner actually was.

    I've been through it all:

    - lies about his home life, stated he was 'separated' only a year later did I find out he was married still living with his wife
    - lied about his job which was non-existant
    - flirted with friends/strangers alike to the point of starting orgies
    - problems with strangers, as he is very blunt and does not care what he says to people
    - problems with police officers, throwing water bottles, hot dogs, whatever he has in his hands after the bar and starts trouble
    - always centre of attention, the joker, the one who goes on stage and entertains everyone
    - very high sex drive / attractive man
    - promiscuous nature, finding out months sometimes a year later of girls he met online/bar which he had one night stands with or a relationship with
    - loving, kind towards me but within a week or two always dealt with verbal abuse over one issue or other which he caused
    - blamed me for problems which arised due to his own actions
    - never met his close friends or buddies or family members to see his other life (he always kept his personal life separate, there was always one reason or another of why it wasn't possible over the years)
    - puts people against you, alienates you from your family and friends until all you have is him
    - drinking problem, alcohol which made him grab women in bars (breasts, bottom etc) in front of me caught when I wasn't looking or when he thought i wasn't around, and there were many times it was done in front of my face & I was told it was just 'fun' and drunkeness that made him do it
    - as much as i have a good heart, am shy, very attractive as a woman, it did not matter to him to lie in my face and have no empathy that he was hurting me with other women
    - verbally abuse on the telephone and in texts to the extreme
    - there were times i had proof of his lies and I wouldn't let him know what I knew & I watched him casually tell me otherwise like it was second nature, it hurt to see this knowing the truth
    - always stated he was in love with me and wanted to marry me, but constantly cheated and lied nonetheless out of just pure thrill, I believe they unknowingly get some type of high from this to others, the lying & cheating is exciting
    - very intelligent, yet uses this to their advantage to manipulate others

    I left him and walked out after he yelled at me for no reason and started hitting at his car, I was afraid for my life as I had known he had lied to me as to where he was, but I had not let him know that someone had sent me a pic of his whereabouts. I was always afraid of his anger, I was simply just in love and wanted to love him and have him love me back as he said he did

    It's a daily struggle trying to forget, trying not to call or text, because I was in love, this was what I believed to be my soulmate, my life. But it was nothing but a lie, I was just one of many, for no other reason but the fact that he cannot control his sociopathic nature.

    I don't know what the future will hold for me, I don't know if I will fully recover, I don't know if I will ever heal from this, but I am going to try - it's all I have left to save myself from this.

    For those of you who have experienced a relationship with a narcissistic sociopath

    Good Luck to you all & God Bless you all

    ReplyDelete
  31. Anonymous June 6, 2013 - were we dating the same person?

    ReplyDelete
  32. Mine only lasted 5 months. He made me feel like Iwas the best thing since sliced bread...as long as no friends or family were involved. God forbid Id Idgo against his wishes (like going out with my friends once a month) then his "mask" would slip off and id see the real side woth temper tantrum and nonstop texts/calls...turning my otherwise enjoyable night into misery. He also moved very fast. Wanting to move in/maryy...ect. i didnt walk but RAN as fast as i could away. He crushed me after verbally. I still maintain no contact. No news is good news and im so better off.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Hi every one, my name is Cara and i want to tell you all of how i got my man back with the help of Dr. Agba. My husband of seven years left me and our son for another woman saying that he is tired of me and want to move on with his life without me, i knew that something was wrong cause i did nothing wrong to him that can lead to break up. this break up left me in a confused state and there was nothing i could do until i told a friend about it who told me about this spell caster, at first, i never thought it was going to work out, but i had no choice than to give it a trial, then i contacted him and he did a spell for me and behold my husband came back on his knees begging to be with me for the rest of his life. i was quite amazed myself with the way the spell work. I would gladly recommend him for anybody cause he is really powerful and can make things happen. his contact is agbalaxxy@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  34. I read some of your stories and it helped.. I have just had to leave a man that was abusive in everyway. While the emotional abuse was hard enough. I would have stayed longer if I didnt think he would kill me. He has choked me kicked me. Dragged me by my hair.. Thats the brief description. I am very confused by my feelings of love for him. Its so at my expense. And I was willing to risk my life for it.Oo

    ReplyDelete
  35. My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted you and after I explained to you my problem. In just3 days, my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before you are the best spell caster Dr Lawrence i really appreciate the love spell you cast for me to get my man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work Thank you once again Dr Lawrence
    Email drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com
    PHONE+2348143988536

    ReplyDelete
  36. Coming from someone that was married for a very long time and then back on the dating scene after separation, it was unfathomable that I could end up meeting the very next person in my chapter of life that almost destroyed me financially, mentally and emotionally. I am shamed to say that this man almost cost me my life I was so depressed. He was always without money but was smooth about sounding the victim and needing more and more. He was so charming and very sexy. I had no idea what a sociopath was until this painful relationship. I was cheated on multiple times and then listening to the crying and begging for help to see a therapist and would I forgive him. I always fell for the lies and the manipulation. This went on unfortunately for over a year. This man is sick. I believe his whole family is sick. He preys on women that are vulnerable but that are a means to an end for him. I finally wised up after getting sick and tired of the calls not being answered, not being in the hotel room that he was supposed to check into, forgetting his phone in the car or just not answering the phone when it rang in front of me. So many signs that I am fully aware of now. I found out about atleast 5 women along with sick postings on Craigslist to find sex. I broke up with this low life about one month ago and have begun the healing process. Although it's been hard I have found that no contact, removing of all pictures and anything merely related to the relationship had to go! I do feel free. I do know that he has moved on to his next victim. Someone I had a feeling about to which of course he lied about not knowing her. I refuse to play the bitter scorned ex and even try and warn her. I remember people warning me and I didn't listen because you "want" to believe. Let her find out for herself. It's over and I'm free and I am only hoping that I can learn to trust another man again. Good luck to all of you and God Bless!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Like anybody would be, I was very skeptical about using a love spell or any spell for that
    matter but I was absolutely shocked when Tim called me after I had Prophet Mike cast my
    "Return My Lover" spell for me. It wasn't 4 days that I had my spell cast that he came back
    to me (practically on his knees). He broke up with me over a month ago and now we are
    happier than ever. thanks to drorriwo@gmail.com
    lizz benson, philistine

    ReplyDelete
  38. Hello,Just wanted to thank you for all your help! Your spell is amazing and got my man back. Now to clarify, it had already been some time since we had even spoken to each other, and I was really starting to miss him. but since i contacted drwisdomspelltemple@gmail.com to bring him back, and it worked! … I could not have done it without you! i will remain grateful to you Dr wisdom for the rest of my life once again thank you very much for all your help

    ReplyDelete
  39. Stephen is my name, i am just so happy and don't know What more i can say in this life? how will i thank Lord Zilialia enough for the good job which he just did for me.i have been searching for long a real spell caster, for me to get who will help me get back my wife back but i have been scammed so many times by a lot of people who claim they are spell casters and are not, so i was tired of searching then one morning i visited a neighbor and she introduced me to this man Lord Zilialia and i contacted him and he make a spell for me in the night and after the spell he tells me what to do and i did it and immediately the thing was done he gave me assurance that my wife will start looking for me and pleading for me to accept her back and i was kind of not sure and what make me amaze he said just 2 days after that is when she will come and as i am talking to you people now my wife came back to me exactly the 2nd day as he said and now i am very happy. LORD ZILIALIA IS REAL!!!! you can contact Lord Zilialia through this email, spellcaster1202@gmail.com.

    ReplyDelete
  40. same here, break ups make me extremely nervous and i am always in fear ...

    ReplyDelete
  41. I've been in an on again-off again 6 year relationship with my sociopath. The first 6 months were amazing beyond believe. The last 5.5 years have been a mixture of good, great and horrible hell. When he was focused on being the good perfect boyfriend giving this relationship a fighting shot- we were great. The rest to the time was spent dealing with his mind games, emotional neglect, and silent treatment punishments and being 'removed' from having access to any part of his life, whether it was friends, family, or social media. We would go through 6 week- 3 month periods of togetherness and then his conduct would change and well everything about him, we would argue than fight than break-up for a few days to sometimes 2 weeks. 3 times we broke up for like 2 months, at which time he would be with this 'back up' girl getting his emotional fix of attention and adoration. Than he would end it with her saying she was crazy or not what he wanted and come back to me claiming how much he realizes I'm the one for him, etc.- I always took him back because he made it seem like I was the victorious choice- and we would be great for another 2 months as he proved just how much I mattered- sometimes he even got me to end possible relationships of moving on. Just last month I started catching onto or better questioned a lot of his lies and came across a sickening amount of porn obsession (like over 400+ sites he belonged to on just ONE social media group) After that he began to pull away (I actually haven't physically seen him since) and he punished me for 2 weeks of using his famous 'silent treatment' and then never showing up for plans or promises. Than he finally told me that we are just 'too broken' to continue and that he found a nice girl that might be willing to date him. He kept in contact with me pouring his heart out about how he realizes that he doesn't think he's meant to truly be happy with anyone and that his calling is to help 'lost souls' into becoming stronger woman and guiding them to their next path (Yes seriously- he said this!) Like he is some new holy usher or something. He would put this pour girl down while talking to me- saying that he is attempting to learn how to communicate with someone in hopes to fix us and that she listens to him and try’s to understand without judgment. That they have shared this deep connecting bond and that he has realized that he is afraid to be alone in life and just wants a companion to get thru this time of trying to get over me! He would go on about how he just wants to take 4 months to learn new lessons from someone else and so should I and that we will get back together. for the first time in months he was love-bombing me, texting me hundreds of times a day, we were on the phone till 3 in the morning day after day- connecting again, than he slept with her one night and told me he doesn't want to be a cheater like he always has been in the past- that he wants to change his ways and start doing things right and that this girl (who is 16 years younger than him) is worth giving a real shot but that he doesn't want to lose me completely because I still make him happy. I told him 'yeah-good-bye.' He started going on about how i can have a life without him and when i didn't respond he sent this text: 'So I’ll say this as my final words to you...Thank you for all you showed me it was an honor to have loved you! I truly hope you find happiness in all you do!! Good bye" I responded with- 'I wish I could say the same" and blocked him as I’m sure he has blocked me like always. I have a feeling he is going to contact me in the next coming months when this love-bombing faze goes away with her- but maybe not because this girl he really seemed drawn to and intent on prosueing like none other I've seen him with. I just wonder if a healthy relationship will ever have as deep of a bond and connection or if the sex with normal men is still mind-blowingly amazing!

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  42. In the early days of human evolution we faced plenty of dangers. Many plants were poisonous. We had very little in the ways of knowledge of how to prevent much less treat infection and injury. We competed with lions, leopards, wolves, and bears, etc. for food (and often became their food). Gradually we evolved resistance to some diseases and learned what mushrooms not to nibble.

    No doubt there were sociopaths in the tribe seducing and preying on other people, but presumably their scope for nastiness was rather limited. Most of us are not likely to be set upon by a lion walking down a city street, but the food shelves are filled with food and beverages not good for us, and every bar and work site has flourishing human predators. Reading this thread of horrific (mostly romantic) experiences shows us how ill-equipped evolution has made us for surviving much less thriving in modern civilization. I hope somebody reading this has picked up on the need to be careful in relationships BEFORE it is too late!

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