Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Borderline personality disorder and sociopaths: one big empathy-challenged family

As sociopaths we all have a baby sister named Borderline Personality Disorder. (This woman has a real sister with BPD and wrote a book based partially on her experiences). I say sister because unlike sociopaths, who are primarily male, BPDs are primarily female. She's a little sister because on the danger/power spectrum of the empathy-challenged, she is closer to the aspie's and the autie's than the narcissists or sociopaths. But don't underestimate her -- she can be nefarious when she wants to be. Though she's more likely to steal a spouse than to steal $50B.

The BPD is a lot of things, but most interesting to me is the skill with which she sheds one skin after another. For narcissists the mirror is always pointed at themselves, but for BPDs the mirror is always pointed at others -- allowing those around them to see exactly what they want to see.* For instance, under the title Meet the Marriage Magnet, this self-confessed chameleon explains why she believes she received nine marriage proposals:
I was living like a trainee Stepford Wife

Young and still experimenting with my sense of self, I was happy to pursue their pastimes, agree with their politics, even wear clothes they liked.
***
Besides, I find it easy to understand other points of view or problems and I get close to people quite quickly. I'm always interested in other people's hobbies, families and their lives - I suppose that's why I'm a writer.

This intimacy can be misinterpreted for a lot, lot more than mere curiosity. My boyfriends assumed I was smitten with them because I fell into the habit of moulding myself into their ideal.
A similar character can be found in Edith Wharton's short story "The Other Two," wherein the third and current husband of Mrs. Alice Waythone encounters the first two husbands by chance and is distressed to discover that these men -- who share nothing in common with him -- each had a relationship with his wife quite similar to his own. As professor Cynthia Griffin Wolff puts it:
To each and every one of these three quite different men, Alice Waythorne had been the perfect wife: eager to please, ready and willing to adjust her behavior and desires to those of her husband. Gradually, as Mr. Waythorne lets this fatal knowledge penetrate his judgment, the very qualities he had most admired in his wife begin to seem grotesque and deformed. He wonders who she is, wonders whether she is anybody at all in particular. He marvels at her personality, "for it was an art, and made up, like all others, of concessions, eliminations and embellishments; of lights judiciously thrown and shadows skillfully softened."
I have a friend who was married to a woman with BPD and had a similar lament -- he never knew who she was, or if what she felt was real. It makes me wonder -- even if sociopaths became truly harmless, would we ever be accepted? Or do our neurological differences represent an unbridgeable divide between us and empaths? If a Stepford wife-type creeps people out, do socios stand a chance?


*sociopaths are probably best described as being behind a two-way mirror.

135 comments:

  1. Interesting, I personally don’t have any experiences with Borderlines. The only Borderline I know is Homer Simpson. :)

    “even if sociopaths became truly harmless, would we ever be accepted?”

    I doubt that, but it would be nice, since I was recently diagnosed as sub-clinical psychopath and aspie. Yes I am both.

    The one thing I miss in this “article” is it doesn’t mention the self-mutilating behavior of BPDs.

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    1. I was diagnosed with BPD a number of years ago and have never indulged in self mutilation. The thing about me is that YES I feel very deeply. However, I'm able to switch off my emotions whenever they don't serve a purpose.

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    2. "However, I'm able to switch off my emotions whenever they don't serve a purpose."

      This is behavior much more commonly associated with sub-clinical and full blown psychopaths. Not so much with BPD. I do, however, believe that there are two types of Borderlines. Those that are psychopaths or at least almost psychopaths and those that are not. I believe you would benefit from reading the book "Almost A Psychopath".

      "I was recently diagnosed as sub-clinical psychopath and aspie. Yes I am both."

      This seems to me like a contradiction. I have never agreed with an association or connection between psychopathy and any of the autism spectrum disorders such as aspergers.

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    3. negative - this is called emotional numbing and is the hallmark of women damaged by male violence aka BPD.

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    4. I have never been diagnosed with any disorders because I have never had the money to see a doctor about it, and I doubt my patents would allow me to anyway, but all of these descriptions sound so much like me. I am female and I'm almost positive I have depression and generalized anxiety, but BPD kind of gets down to the crux of my views on things. I have questioned myself in previous times if I was a sociopath, and although I relate to many of the characteristics of a socio, others are too extreme and I dont think I truly manifest those qualities. So the more I read, the more I find myself agreeing with those of you who say BPD may be the female version of sociopathy. I just wish I could be diagnosed for whatever issues I do have because I am constantly struggling to find the source of motivation for all of the manipulative and deceptive things I do without even thinking.

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  2. I'm going to disagree that sociopathy and borderline personality disorder are similar, or even related. I know, because I am a sociopath with BPD, and the two conditions are markedly different despite a few superficially similar symptoms.

    Basically, borderlines have irrationally intense, badly regulated emotions (thus the move to rename the condition to emotional dysregulation disorder), whereas the sociopath typically has little emotional intensity. Before I developed borderline sometime in my late teens, I was almost without recognizable powerful emotion. I recall being puzzled by not even being able to feel love for my mother, and being generally unphased by things which should have bothered me.

    Not that BPD gave me the ability to love, at least not in the way most people think, but now everything phases me. I often swing between feeling worthless (for no real reason), and feeling arrogantly superior.

    There are similarities, both conditions lead to manipulation, promiscuity, impulse control problems and a poor ability to maintain relationships, but for different reasons. The borderline desperately seeks to control others to avoid negative feelings, to keep people from leaving her, or whatever, unlike to sociopath who manipulates dispassionately for her own gain. Naturally, I do both, though less of the former because I don't have a lot of abandonment anxiety (people rarely matter enough to me for me to worry they'd leave me, and my ego is too big).

    Similarly, relationships with borderlines tend to be turbulent and often end dramatically because of the borderline's splitting (alternating between seeing things and people as either all good, or all bad), extreme (and often irrationally expressed) fear of rejection, and generally hard-to-handle mood swings. Nothing turns guys off like being screamed at for almost no reason at all. The sociopath, on the other hand, is much more likely not to care about maintaining the relationship, and so hurts her partner. That, or her partner figures out she's not actually emotionally available.

    As an aside, the marriage chameleon who is so often proposed to does not seem typically borderline--a borderline woman is more likely to be in abusive relationships, or be used for sex, than to be seen as a good wife. Most of us can't keep it together long enough for a man to want to put up with us for the long haul.

    The other common symptoms are for similarly disparate causes, and there are a lot of differences, too. Like, borderlines do have empathy. In fact, extreme empathy and sensitivity to others is generally a symptom of borderline... and a good example of the weird way the two conditions mix. I do have some capacity for empathy, but unless I'm in an especially vulnerable headspace it's a very small capacity.

    Also, the reason for the sex differences does not suggest the two conditions (if you want to consider being a sociopath a condition, which it isn't, it's more of a personality type) are male and female versions of the same thing. Rather, the most likely cause is purely organic. Socopathy is more adaptive in men, in that male sociopaths are more likely to reproduce successfully because of their promiscuity and often numerous offspring (which end up being raised by the mother), while a female sociopath is less likely to have a lot of kids. More women are borderline likely because women are more prone to emotional intensity and empathy, both biologically and due to their socialization.

    So I would say that while the sociopath may be a two-way mirror, the borderline is a magnifying glass amplifying every little thing.

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    1. I agree... perfect.

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    2. well said,the author really doesnt much about BPD

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    3. Perfectly described except as a borderline, I am so far from being a stepford wife. I have only been married once and am still in the marriage after 10 years. My husband is not abusive and I am not like a chamilion. I have never been like a chamilion and I always have genuine feelings and empathy. I guess the key truth for me as a borderline is I am super intense in relationships but usually those relationships are friendships rather than lover-type. I am extremely afraid of abandonment. Yes I've had alot of loss in life, grew up in fostercare and programs and was sexually abused as a child numerous times by different people. I am not the type who grows up to become an abuser except I do have anger outbursts with my husband at times. I love children, animals, elderly and disabled. I have extreme compassion, cry at some movies but not all and get real anxious with certain news issues that relate to abuse or pulling the plug type news such was with people who are in vegetative states and it becomes public in court. I would report abuse in a heartbeat rather than watch. I get angry when people drink and drive, abortion, terrorists etc......Now, with all this said, when people hurt me, I often have revenge thoughts but what distinguishes me from a true violent Borderline is I am a Christian, have a moral compas, a conscience and never follow through with my thoughts because I truly feel empathy and see the consequences ahead. I was diagnosed with Borderline at age 8. YES, age 8. Now whether or not you believe a child of 8 can be properly diagnosed or not doesn't matter because it's actually in my records that I was diagnosed so someone thought I had it. Now, at 36, I do know I have many symptoms of Borderline but I also feel I am NOT the posterchild for Borderline since I identify more as a christian who could never hurt a fly. That doesn't mean I don't have violent ideations but they are always thwarted with my true empathic and compassionate nature. My current therapist thinks I was mis-diagnosed and have some Borderline symptoms but because of the empathy and compassion I have that I am more a PTSD diagnosis but nevertheless, I have been diagnosed as Borderline, Major Depression, Distymia (during the less major depressive phases) I am Distymic because when I am not suicidal, I am always feeling low. PTSD and OCD. OCD at age 15. I have held jobs off n on throughout the years but don't usually go past 3 years without stopping for awhile again. Anyway, can you as a sociopath and Borderline tell me what you think of all this because you deal with it. Oh, I forgot, I can be very manipulative as well but not to gain power, sex or money rather to not be abandoned again so relationships are hard for me.

      bonnaleesa@gmail.com

      To anyone who might want to talk,
      FaceBook...Bonnie Lee
      There are a few Bonnie Lee's so if you request me, I am the one with strawberry-blonde hair

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    4. To say that BPD and psychopathy are not related and in no way similar other then in a superficial sense and then to also say that you suffer from the two conditions comorbidly is a contradiction in and of itself.

      As I said in an earlier comment I believe that there are those borderlines that are psychopaths and sub-clinical psychopaths and there are those that are not. While the two are in no way mutually exclusive, they are definitely related.

      I believe that in many cases BPD is a sort of female presentation of psychopathy just as antisocial personality disorder (APD) is the official disorder associated with male psychopathy. Given that healthy females do not display their emotions in the same way as healthy males and tend to internalize more it stands to reason that this would also apply to the presentation of psychopathy in different genders. It is unreasonable to believe that a female psychopathy would look and behave the way a male psychopathy would.

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    5. You cant get diagnosed as a borderline at the age 8.You personality is not fully developed by then.You have to be 18 if i remember right.Should check out the criteria.

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    6. I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I found the reply about having a comorbid diagnosis of APD and BPD to be very interesting, because as Phage said, the two disorders almost opposite in some ways. Mainly, that while people with APD seem to have a lack of empathy, borderlines have so much of it that they can't function.

      Maybe the similarity comes when someone with BPD is feeling a particular emotion very intensely, because all other emotions seem to shut down. (This can also happen when the borderline dissociates.) There have been times when my anger has become so intense that I felt absolutely nothing for the people around me and I've impulsively acted as such. And because my emotions last much longer than they do for other people, I seem heartless for a while. It isn't until days later that I recognize my mistakes and begin to feel guilt.

      I haven't read enough to fully understand APD yet, but my ex boyfriend had it. I'll admit that I felt some connection to him, mainly in that we were both spontaneous and passionate... He could not resist acting in ways that were criminal. He was violent. He lied to and intentionally manipulated the people around him. He was highly controlling of me and would threaten me. He did a lot of damage to me. (None of this is to say that I think all sociopaths are the same. From what I've read, many of them have much greater self control than my ex.)

      I'm pretty sure I know a woman who has both APD and BPD, which I still find incredibly confusing. I know that I've seen some deep emotions in her. She was greatly affected by events that had meaning to her. (Such as her animal dying.) When she noticed scars on my arm from self-mutilation, I could tell that my pain affected her... But, at the same time, she has little regard for the feelings of others most of the time. She is quite antagonistic when expressing her opinions. It seems as though she feels the suffering of others deeply if she can relate to the person through her own experiences, but has little to no empathy for anyone else.

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  3. "sociopaths are probably best described as being behind a two-way mirror."

    That was perfect.

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  4. Borderlines are pretty much ruled by emotion, inappropriately applied emotion, and get really nasty when they don't know what to do about it. If they can, they turn it off, letting it burn them subconsciously, and go on their self- destructive way. They are self-preservers like sociopaths but don't mind hurting themselves to get satisfaction. They'll be sad whenever they hurt someone else, but they would rather just go ahead and wreak havoc whenever they feel like it and say sorry later. While they might be competitive and even methodical, they are not consistent enough in their behaviors to dedicate themselves to lots of systematic destruction, rather, sporadic explosive episodes are the main form of attack. Also, most of them probably feel evil and are bothered by it.

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    1. I beg to differ about the emotionality of Borderlines. I have found it to be an admitted tool of manipulation to be overly-emotional in a negative way (never in a positive). These are not emotions, but emotional displays. Granted, they have negative emotions towards SELF and outburst onto others, but they do not have emotions for others except resentment and contempt. They lack empathy on the highest level. And self-harm, there are two forms: 1) trichtotillomania (compulsive hair pulling), burning, and "cutting" that relies pent-up stress and usually done in isolation, and 2) "cutting" and para-suicidal events that are by far non-lethal and done for manipulative purposes. The borderline uses #2 to change the subject if they are cornered with the truth about misdeeds and want to change the subject, having a psychotic stress-induced episode where they are threatened to be exposed or things not go their way. I am just saying, these "emotions" that Borderlines have are displays designed to manipulate a response or outcome or change in direction, or they are mood driven-rampages, but they are negative in nature and selfish. It's not like they get mad and take up for a relative or primary mate that is in too deep and is merely prey to them. Outside of self-harm and this supposed "emotionality" - what is the difference in a Borderline and Psychopath really? very little. There are distinct similarities in the white brain matter formations and active brain centers used in certain response situations by Borderlines and Psychopaths, very much identical. And the 80%-20% of borderlines being mostly female counter balances the 80%-20% of Psychopathy being comprised of mostly males. I would venture to say that if we were to add up all Borderlines and Histrionics and weigh add them in with Psychopaths and Sociopaths that they percentages would balance between the genders to 50%-50%. Borderlines seemingly like to have us think that their episodic psychotic breaks and rampages are "emotions" or "emotional", when in fact, they are raging for attention, manipulation, boredom, self-loathing and any kind of response from those closest and behind closed doors primarily. In broad daylight, they are cunning and capable and sunny in disposition and they can change from one negative personality behind closed doors to a positive and sunny personality in the time that it takes for an outside visitor's knock at the door, the phone to ring, or to step out of a car door at your intended place of arrival. Borderlines scam people with emotional displays and seek pity ritually. Q.) What makes people aid a damsel in distress with their last dollar or hard labors? A) Pity - usually in response to an audible/visual "emotional" display. They turn it on/off with equal enthusiasm. Don't fall for it because MOST can control it at a whim.

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    2. If I am being totally honest with myself, I would have to agree with anonymous August 4, 2012 regarding BPD. I have gone through most of my life believing I would never deliberately hurt a person - much less manipulate someone. It took a relationship with another pathological (a sociopath) to make me see what I do. He had said at the beginning of our relationship that he liked me because I was like him. He also didn't think he could hurt me as badly as he did because of that assumption. However, once he realized he misjudged me as another socio when I was really BPD he tried to back away in order to save me from the inevitable. That doesn't sound like a socio but we were old friends that reconnected and I think he felt a very little something when he realized I was getting in "too deep" He was of course calculating everything he did while I was also playing a game and upfront about it but I was never playing to win. I was playing to have fun and did not know that socios only know one way to play. Most of my "moves" were subconsciously calculated because I really felt like I was going with the flow yet I had an agenda to have fun ... indefinitely. Of course, when he was done and ready to move on, I was devastated. Still, after reading the above post, I have to wonder now how much of my pain was genuine and how much of it was subconsciously calculated to try and change the outcome of our game... if I am being totally honest.

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    3. I do get ruled by emotion but I don't reak havok or get real nasty to others. I was told I had Borderline at 8 but my current therapis isn't sure I have it 100%. Read my posting above, I explained it all...If you're interested. I actually do have empathy and care about others. The reason I am telling u and others this is because it hurts me that all Borderlines are placed into one category. I have emotional issues yes but I am not violent at all and I don't hurt others to get things I want.

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    4. I have BPD, but am more logical than emotional. Most people think I am a Psychopath as I do not exhibit emotions facially and verbally. I do exhibit emotions, but not often. Its hard to get a reaction out of me. Its a different ball game if a person knows me on a deeper level, but even then. I mean, I was in a relationship that lasted five years. It was unhealthy for both of us. He didn't help. Anyways, he and his mother -retired Head Nurse- both thought I am a Psychopath despite having saw me cried occasionally.

      But, my psychologist insists I am BPD and I believe her. I do exhibit many of the symptoms. I can say this, not all people suffering with BPD are run by emotions.

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    5. I have BPD, I tend to do what is called numbing out a lot. I do feel things stronger than most I think. For example I don't just get sad, I go into full grieving mode. However, if I do find that the person is inferior to me then I have no reaction at all. If they have angered of annoyed me I tend not to care what happens to them at the time. Later I do regret feeling this way, but empathy takes a long time to kick in. I manipulate to get what I want, and please understand that I am in no way proud of this but it gets the job done so to speak. I can look others in the eye and lie to them if I think it will benefit me in the least bit. I am impulsive, but I can regulate my emotions in front of others. It is only later that I feel things so severely that many others can not sympathize with. I put my own needs in front of others, I do feel guilty about this but would never show that to anyone. I am wondering if I should be tested for both things co-morbidly? I have been tested time and time again and could not hide the fact that I do have BPD, though I did try to manipulate the test so that my Psychiatrist would think I was making progress and I would get positive reinforcement. I would like brain scans done if this would be helpful. I live in Canada so cost for medical things is not an issue. I think another variable might be BPD's on their meds, and off their meds. We are very different people when we are abusing our prescription drugs. Which ofcourse I do to make the pain stop. I know I am messed up, but i do have hope for myself. I signed up for a 6 weekout patient program to treat those with personality disorders which will include DBT which has known to treat BPD fairly well. If I can stop myself from manipulating the group I have a chance of success. Perhaps I should get tested for both? Any positive advice would be really helpful. Thank you for reading this.

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    6. Hi, I am wondering if you were sexually abused as a child/teen/young adult. I work in the psych field and many people presenting as BPD (remember it's just a clumsy label and diagnostic device for AMA/Big Pharm/Insurance Industries) have had a history of trauma. PTSD (usually complex) can mimic BPD as well.

      Bottom line imho: forget the labels-all character/personality disorder labels are fluid and not fully in cultural context yet or ever. Dive deeply into what do your presenting symptoms and behaviours do for you, what do they tell you about you, your world, your life, your relationships, and do you want to live/be/feel differently.

      We live in a world that is evolving, moving out of our barbaric roots into what we think is 'civilization'. We are gonna be held to those standards and laws of what our cultures say being "civilized" is. There will be consequences for those who don't conform, or who get 'caught'.

      My personal take on it all is that most all primitive ppl in primitive cultures were largely "psycho/sociopath's" and that mankind is slowly, and I mean slowly evolving out of that and there is no "normal" whatsoever. Only a spectrum of psychological consciousness in process and what culture deems it to be. However this is not say there is not a moral absolute.

      To everyone: we are after all sentient beings, be gentle,we are all broken. And find a mimic model that is fundamentally good and attempt to live from this. Or read the works of Rene Girard (anthropologic revelation) and Lloyd deMause (psychohistory)

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    7. Correction for above: instead of "find a mimic model", should read: "find a mimetic model". Girard validated the theory of "mirror neurons" before scientists discovered it in the 90's. We need role models (no one is original whatsoever), all of us, in order to learn how to behave, so as he says, choose your mimetic models very very carefully as we will model/mimic others whether we acknowledge or are conscious of it or not.

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  5. I have to wonder if you (the author) actually understand what BPD is. Could you give me a definition? Also, what do you mean by "sociopath"? Technically there isn't an agreed upon definition in the psychological world.

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    1. I agree whit Nine.Seems like a lot have no clues or just partly clue to what BPD actually is.As well as the term sociopath.The only term close to it is "Antisocial"

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  6. Brilliant. I just read this now. This is exactly as I would have put it.
    My ex-girlfriend was (and still is) a Borderline, and I found she understood me more than other people, and I felt I understood her to some degree whilst at the same time, not knowing her at all.
    In my experience, BPs are hugely empathetic. Too empathetic, at times. They use their abundance of empathy to understand people, they can become very important to people and then they will manipulate at will. Whereas I will manipulate someone and somehow understand that it is wrong, ergo other people wouldn't do it, she could manipulate someone and trick herself into thinking it was perfectly fine.

    I think ASPD and BPD are made for eachother, if I'm honest.

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    1. Why not start an online ASPD meets BPD dating agency :D

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    2. There is one--e.harmony. My sister met her boyfriend there.

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    3. This is a great blog...im learning much

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    4. As ridiculous as it is, you've just given me a bit of hope. I'm BPD and just realized that I've been married to a highly functional sociopath for 9 years. I thought he was broken, had ptsd,was the result of a seriously screwed up childhood...I made excuses until I heard him again say "I could easily make a living as a hit man. I have no conscience." and I realized he was telling the absolute truth.

      The funny thing is, I love him, I'm comfortable with him and I surely don't want to leave him. Where we aren't identical, we are polar opposites, but he's the only person I've ever felt I didn't have to hide my not-so-nice side from. I've spent years trying to figure out why the hell he was with me. I still don't know, but now I'm determined to figure it out.

      The truly funny part is I've spent 9 years helping him seem normal. I knew he had problems perceiving/understanding "normal" social behavior and people's reactions. When we're alone I explain "this is expected behavior, even though we don't want to do it" or "you need to stop treating people that way, they find it really offensive/hurtful and that's why you didn't get that promotion" and he listens and adjusts appropriately.

      Me finally knowing what is going on might just make our partnership more fulfilling for both of us - assuming I trust him enough that we can actually be in a real partnership rather than him using me as his emotional whipping post when things aren't going his way. I'm done with that, one way or another.

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    5. After doing much research to figure out our relationship craziness, glad to have found this thread and other other comments regarding Borderline and Sociopaths together. Recently realized that I am female borderline in and out of 5 1/2 year (he always pulled me back into his web due to our epic sexlife) relationship with spath. Most sites warn and say get the hell out which is what I did 6 months ago. Since then I've dated but no one compares with my spath. Boring!! After finding this site, now see that there may be some hope for us and maybe now that I can understand what I'm up against maybe I want to play the games. Since I've been looking on here he has just contacted me... seems like there has always been some sort of ESP connection with us. Would be great to hear from other "mixed" couples! Opinions, comments and concerns please.

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    6. I am a Borderline and my ex is a Sociopath (both undiagnosed) and I think it is the worst match possible. It may work wonderfully in the beginning and maybe even for some time but in the end, you end up pretty much killing each other. For me, it was full blown war and we both lost our jobs. Btw... we met at work.

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  7. "I think ASPD and BPD are made for eachother, if I'm honest."

    I have BPD and I've been with a girl with ASPD for six years. Amusingly I believe you are right.

    It's torturous. I'm losing my sanity and I don't even trust my own perception of reality, or her words and actions.

    I'm a self-destructive borderline with masochistic tendencies. I would have to be wouldn't I, you'd have to be stupid to act like me.

    The awful thing is she's as lonely and as empty inside as me. If I don't pull her out of this (yes by being more manipulative than her) then she's always going to feel that way. I can't let her lead that kind of existance.

    PS - You've said borderline are sociopaths. I do have empathy and I do have a conscience. I won't cheat on her for my own satisfaction, but I can't say that I wouldn't hurt her. I'll do it to pull her out of her sad existance and I'll deal with the consequences.

    ASPD = sociopath.
    BPD = not necessarily a sociopath. Borderlines can have ASPD, but that is one particular subclass. Just like sociopath is one small subclass of psychopath.

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    1. Well according to various psychiatry institutions 'sociopathy' is a synonym of 'psychopathy', though generally in (often incorrect or poorly understood) popular culture psychopathy is assumed to involve a sickening criminal element

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  8. I am dealing with a male who says he is diagnosed as a BPD yet I am wondering if he is just saying this to seem more pitiable, as Borderline personalities I think are reputed to feel their emotions too strongly, rather than not at all, be afraid of abandonment like a child and obviously self-hating (suicidal)... I believe he may be acting when he claims he is so sorry for how he hurts others and he wishes he could stop. He lives with a girl while continually finding other women online through dating websites or in person locally and lies to them about who he is, what he does, and how he feels telling every woman he likes that he is in love with them and wants to marry them and have a baby. He has a methodical and calculated approach to his seduction, using the same lines and tactics every time, pretending to be a Muslim with one girl and a Christian with another. When caught by one of these girls and perhaps concerned with that girl contacting the girl he lives with he 1. described himself as being sorry for what he does but unable to stop himself 2. describes himself as hating himself, women and god 3. claims he is suicidal and still wants to try a life with her and that she can have his baby before he dies...if she wants... however that is likely a lie to make her pity him and shift the attention from her pain to his and 4. claims that he once beat his ex wife and his sister 5. claims that he has done this his whole life 6. claims he initiates the end of the relationship when he chooses 7. claims the live in girlfriend knows what he does but pities him because he had such a hard childhood and he can't help himself, and she knows his true heart and loves him anyway. He claims he stays with her because she needs him and he has too much compassion to leave her and he doesnt sleep with her. But it is likely he is just extremely dependent on her financially and otherwise... oh, and he often gets people to give him money and says he will pay them back but never does. Is he a Sociopath trying to seem borderline or is he borderline?

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    1. Sounds like a full blown Sociopath.

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  9. i haven't properly read this thread cos i'm feeling like shit and can't be arsed. scuse the french. here's my two cents anyways. i'm lol, borderline borderline. ie. i fulfil most of the criteria but i'm at the low end of bpd. i'm young, female and also find men ask me to marry them when they've known me only minutes. bpd's are codependent creatures, no doubt about it and men like this. (ahem, socios). i won't deny i've been both cherished and dismissed as a kook by all and sundry. i'm not the manipulative type of bpd. but due to my emotionality i wouldn't put it passed me. but seriously, i'm too open and earnest and if i'm accused as such it is about the worst thing that can be done to me. i also don't do the 'threatening to kill myself to get a b and c' thing. i have clinical depression and can get self-destructive when my intense energy has nowhere to go ie. a nutty relationship or anything sensationally consuming at any given moment. chronic boredom and disinterest in the pedestrian (lucky)normalcy of the majority of this damn world means i am very drawn to sociopathic types. i am an uber-empath - right at the extreme end there - what fun. most people just don't GET IT. being misunderstood from age 0 upwards is a tedious alienating chore and what relief we can find in each other is a mercy and a great education too. i met my socio and it was the only time i'd been drawn out of my depression in nine years. i felt actually alive. not an effing zombie, but real. no one was to blame for how it ended but myself and i have nothing bad to say about sociopaths right at this moment. they are what they are. there is one in my family and of all of my family, he is the one who instills me with courage when i'm consumed with the fear that my parents instilled in me. i love him for that.
    i remember M.E saying that socios are intensely loyal (in the right circumstances) and I too am loyal to a point that it bypasses any rationale. to my friends and when i'm in love. however, I am excrutiatingly unreliable too, rendering that loyalty rather questionable in many, but not all cases. make sense? try being me.
    i don't trust myself, let alone anyone in the world. when i love, i have no desire to change the person to whom i am instinctually loyal to a single bit. maybe i'm just weird.

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  10. i haven't properly read this thread cos i'm feeling like shit and can't be arsed. scuse the french. here's my two cents anyways. i'm lol, borderline borderline. ie. i fulfil most of the criteria but i'm at the low end of bpd. i'm young, female and also find men ask me to marry them when they've known me only minutes. bpd's are codependent creatures, no doubt about it and men like this. (ahem, socios). i won't deny i've been both cherished and dismissed as a kook by all and sundry. i'm not the manipulative type of bpd. but due to my emotionality i wouldn't put it passed me. but seriously, i'm too open and earnest and if i'm accused as such it is about the worst thing that can be done to me. i also don't do the 'threatening to kill myself to get a b and c' thing. i have clinical depression and can get self-destructive when my intense energy has nowhere to go ie. a nutty relationship or anything sensationally consuming at any given moment. chronic boredom and disinterest in the pedestrian (lucky)normalcy of the majority of this damn world means i am very drawn to sociopathic types. i am an uber-empath - right at the extreme end there - what fun. most people just don't GET IT. being misunderstood from age 0 upwards is a tedious alienating chore and what relief we can find in each other is a mercy and a great education too. i met my socio and it was the only time i'd been drawn out of my depression in nine years. i felt actually alive. not an effing zombie, but real. no one was to blame for how it ended but myself and i have nothing bad to say about sociopaths right at this moment. they are what they are. there is one in my family and of all of my family, he is the one who instills me with courage when i'm consumed with the fear that my parents instilled in me. i love him for that.
    i remember M.E saying that socios are intensely loyal (in the right circumstances) and I too am loyal to a point that it bypasses any rationale. to my friends and when i'm in love. however, I am excrutiatingly unreliable too, rendering that loyalty rather questionable in many, but not all cases. make sense? try being me.
    i don't trust myself, let alone anyone in the world. when i love, i have no desire to change the person to whom i am instinctually loyal to a single bit. maybe i'm just weird.

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  11. i haven't properly read this thread cos i'm feeling like shit and can't be arsed. scuse the french. here's my two cents anyways. i'm lol, borderline borderline. ie. i fulfil most of the criteria but i'm at the low end of bpd. i'm young, female and also find men ask me to marry them when they've known me only minutes. bpd's are codependent creatures, no doubt about it and men like this. (ahem, socios). i won't deny i've been both cherished and dismissed as a kook by all and sundry. i'm not the manipulative type of bpd. but due to my emotionality i wouldn't put it passed me. but seriously, i'm too open and earnest and if i'm accused as such it is about the worst thing that can be done to me. i also don't do the 'threatening to kill myself to get a b and c' thing. i have clinical depression and can get self-destructive when my intense energy has nowhere to go ie. a nutty relationship or anything sensationally consuming at any given moment. chronic boredom and disinterest in the pedestrian (lucky)normalcy of the majority of this damn world means i am very drawn to sociopathic types. i am an uber-empath - right at the extreme end there - what fun. most people just don't GET IT. being misunderstood from age 0 upwards is a tedious alienating chore and what relief we can find in each other is a mercy and a great education too. i met my socio and it was the only time i'd been drawn out of my depression in nine years. i felt actually alive. not an effing zombie, but real. no one was to blame for how it ended but myself and i have nothing bad to say about sociopaths right at this moment. they are what they are. there is one in my family and of all of my family, he is the one who instills me with courage when i'm consumed with the fear that my parents instilled in me. i love him for that.
    i remember M.E saying that socios are intensely loyal (in the right circumstances) and I too am loyal to a point that it bypasses any rationale. to my friends and when i'm in love. however, I am excrutiatingly unreliable too, rendering that loyalty rather questionable in many, but not all cases. make sense? try being me.
    i don't trust myself, let alone anyone in the world. when i love, i have no desire to change the person to whom i am instinctually loyal to a single bit. maybe i'm just weird.

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  12. ok i know i've posted three identical comments. it was my plan. honestly. in the future event that i only want to post a comment once as is more traditional, could someone explain to me how to delete the two extra fucking comments!! ;) cheers.

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  13. christ this site is totally messing with me. how do i delete my two extra comments? anyone?
    wouldn't be surprised if this comment doesn't stick either.

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  14. i also found myself a narcissist and there was a palpable difference between him and the socio. i got NOTHING from the narc except abuse and that was BEFORE we ever slept together, which we never did cos i could never feel comfortable with him. hmm wonder why?
    socios give, superfically or whatever, but you get something. and is it me or do narcissists have the most dire lack of sense of humour? about themselves certainly.
    anyway, i'll stop babbling...i'm just tired.

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  15. Ugh. this website is hard to be a part of with so many people diagnosing themselves and obviously making shit up for attention.. but I'm diagnosed by a DOCTOR (yes i have it on paper)with BPD and for a long time i questioned the diagnosis to the extreme because i seemed to NOT have empathy for anyone or anyhting i did with the exception of a few people or situations. people told me i appreared unable to feel anything at all. but the same doctor that diagnosed me assured me that that was a defense i put up (in result of shame and abuse) in order to block out the strong and painful sadness for the way i treated others and how i couldnt control it. and when i became aware of that, i started realizing it to be true. the subconcious mind is amazing.

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    1. Why bother starting your post like that when you have probably never met any of the people on here and therefore have no idea if they're making it up or not? What's all this "I have it on paper" about? Some kind of boast about a doctor diagnosing you? You want a medal? You could be making it up. He might not have even been a doctor anyway, he might have been a sociopath pretending to be a doctor bullshitting you for a laugh.

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    2. I have it on paper too. You can read my post above if you get back onto this site. And no I don't need a medal like someone else said but it is good for proof when people don't believe. Personally, I wish I didn't have it, it's not fun but I'm not a violent type so u can read that if you want above.

      Bonnie Lee

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  16. Going to disagree with Page I think it was (the bpd and aspie) Being a borderline myself I can tell you that yes we are "marriage chamelions" as one of the symptoms of borderline is a need for acceptance, and manipulation, we do get into relationships with many people very quickly and most of the time its not one at a time, so no, not that hard to as you put it "keep it together" I don't know if you are truly a borderline or not, but u are definitely starved for attention and grandiose and speaking on things you obviously don't know about. The reason men are more often aspie is genetic and social, they're taught to be strong and not show weakness and for someone that is playing a constant chess match with life they cannot lose control, inherently boys are told from a young age to shake it off... girls on the other hand become borderline again genetics play a role but environment is bigger, girls are taught that they are pretty princesses and daddy little girl, etc attention, attention. So as an adult they do what seek attention Nd act out sexually to get it with poor impulse control in all areas of their life cuz hey sex doesn't pay the rent unless Ur hooken so they get attention from friends they have to buy cuz of they mood swings with trips to the mall and lunch out and if the old friends are fed up well then we will go buy new ones! No aspie is not the same as borderline!

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    1. I'm pretty sure phage didn't use the word "aspie" whatsoever in her comment above. Oddly enough.

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    2. I'm not a marriage camilion at all. Am married for 10 years now with one man who happens to be my first. You can read my post above if you want. I just hate being put into the same category as some Borderlines bec I do have it yes but not all Borderlines are havoc reakers or violent or chamilions.

      Bonnie Lee

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  17. Oh yeah n another thing about borderline, one of my diagnosing factors was when my doc found out I cut not for suicide but for the release, then there is the chronic suicidal ideation, and a whole lot of other things that my doctor put into diagnosing me. I M not saying that there is no way that you could not be borderline and aspie Page but I am saying probably not since aspie has limited to no emotional response from what I have read and been told. And I have had to do extensive research being that my father is a diagnosed sociopath, and I have a 11 year old son who has what we believe to be bipolar, but with the family history and genetic factors I am not taking ANY chances!

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  18. I once read that women manifest as borderlines and males typically manifest into ASPD.

    I will say that my dad is aspd (wouldn't go as far as saying that he's a sociopath/psychopath though)- but he was in prison for 10+ years, so he wasnt the most upstanding citizen lol.

    Anyway, we're just alike. I'm diagnosed borderline- which there wouldn't be a doubt even if I wasn't diagnosed. And I'm pretty sure my mom is borderline.

    I kind of border between them. I'm not as emotional as my mom, but I can fly into a rage like no one's business. But at other times, I have no emotional reaction.

    Anyway, just commenting on whoever above mentioned about aspd and borderlines being made for each other. Didn't work out for my parents- they reacted a bit to violently to one another, but as far as me personally- my ex-boyfriend had aspd (and strongly suggested p/s traits) and I will say that he has up til this point been the ONLY person I've ever truly been able to connect with and be comfortable around.

    It didn't work out due to my pushing and pulling and inevitable unraveling, but he made me feel the most alive than I ever have in my entire life, and I'm pretty convinced at this point that that feeling is something that I will only be able to get from someone who is like me- or the male mirror of myself; so yeah- I agree that borderlines and anti-socials are the perfect match. Anybody else would just be way too boring. I need someone who speaks my language. :)

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    1. Borderline here who dated a Sociopath. I would describe myself as being on the low end of the borderline scale. I don't manipulate and rage but when I get too close to people, I start to pick fights. The main borderline trait I have is the fear of abandonment. If someone breaks up with me, I go a bit nutty and chase after them and threaten suicide. It's kind of pathetic. I also have no fixed identity and lack confidence. I will mould myself to become the person my mate wants. As for my Socio ex, I would say he was probably further along the sociopath spectrum. He was not able to handle any feedback perceived to be negative. He would fly into a fit a rage and I would have to apologize for bringing anything up. I ended up learning to keep quiet and keep everything to myself and swallow any hurts. It got to the point where I couldn't keep doing it anymore (swallowing my hurts) so I carefully expressed my feelings/thoughts and he broke up with me. Then all hell broke loose. I became terrified of abandonment and he toyed with me knowing this. Dangling a carrot in front of me and then taking it away. Doing everything he knew I feared and would hurt me. He pushed me to the point where I wanted to either kill myself or him. Lol... Don't worry neither happened but just saying. I think if he was lower on the Sociopath spectrum, it may have worked better. Of all the relationships I have had in the past (most were Narcissists), the Sociopath was the only one I loved. Can you believe that? He knew what I wanted/needed and what was missing and gave it to me. I now know it was all words and all part of his manipulation, not real... but I still want that feeling again. Now that I am wanting to get better from my Borderline traits, I am worried that I will be bored with a normal person. I get bored easily and need some drama in my life. One thing I have to admit is there are some things that work really well for Bpd and Aspd relationships. One is over empathetic (the borderline) and the other lacks empathy/emotion (Aspd). If it weren't for the pathological lying, manipulation/games/wanting to destroy someone part of the Sociopath, I'd probably date another Sociopath.

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    2. Scrap that. I wouldn't date another Sociopath because I don't want to be used again. He only pretended to love me because I had status, money, good looks/intelligence. When we first started dating, he showed me off like a trophy to all his friends and his parents, but he never even met my friends and family. Grrr.... If he was capable of loving me and not just using me, I'd date a Sociopath. But by definition, that would mean he isn't a Sociopath.

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  19. I have book marked this website, because all the articles are those which always sparked my interest, though can't read them in a go but still trying to learn as much as I can.

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  20. I was diagnosed as having BPD when I was 17. I'm 32 now, and not nearly as much as a train wreck as I used to be. IDK if that diagnose describes me anymore or not. I do know I am abnormal, or to put it in a nice term, an "eccentric." Due to a really bad speech impediment, I never learned how to be a sociable person. I feel stunted socially, if that makes any sense. I have no friends whatsoever, and 99% of the time I am not bothered by not having friends. Other times, I wish I had somebody to call me to go party with on a Friday night. I have had a boyfriend or husband since I was 17. Finding a partner has never been difficult for me. I am physically attractive, and due to my weirdness, most guys find me fascinating. They never get bored with me, as the husbands of "soccer moms" do. Yeah, I'm a real roller coster ride. But goddamn, I have an intense fear of abandonment.

    -Marian

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  21. I have abolsute BPD tendencies as an attractive, intelligent, emotionally volatile women. The love of my life is a sociopathic tycoon, he embodies the dark triad. We have an almost telepathic link and kindred spirit. It's frenetic. Our dis-eases fit perfectly into eachother. A yin and yang. I guess some of us aren't made for The Brady Bunch. God, how I miss him.

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  22. My three best female friends (all at different times) were borderlines. I suddenly "abandoned" all three of them when they became annoying to me and were no longer useful. I have often wondered what attracted these people with BPD to me. Perhaps because I completely ignored their hacked up arms and legs in my not really giving a damn about them at all. They were basically pawns, and almost partners at times, in havoc.

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  23. I am a 23 year old borderline female and in a relationship with a 30 year old made socio. He has lied to me about EVERYTHING, and i mean EVERYTHING> for which i have no reason, he knows i could care less about his age, or some girl he slept with before he even knew me. But he cannot help but lie, lie, and lie some more. He lies so much he believe his own bullshit. Last night we got into a huge fight resulting in him abusing me and me calling the cops. We have not talked since, i have no idea whats going to happen. My "SANE" and rational brain knows i deserve so much better, and is very scared of him. Yet my emotions are so strong, i dont want to let go, and am afraid we will never talk again. Until yesterday it hadnt stumbled upon e that he has ASPD. I have been educated alot with therapy being that Ive know im borderline for 4 years now.
    Its crazy because we have had such amazing times together, and were really in love so much that everyone could tell. But my borderline pushes me to seek the truth out with him because i would rather abandon him then have him to me later. Or something else dangerous happen. Whether it be him causing harm to me, or me to myself :/...
    I dont know what to do?!
    My borderline sense that he needs my love and help.....JESUS I HATE THIS life sentence disorder....
    please helo ??

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    1. When you say that you were "really in love so much", sadly for you, if he is a sociopath it isn't likely that he was in love with you, more likely you were useful to him. Probably best to get rid

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  24. Dear 23 year old BPD with sleezy boyfriend; sorry to hear that, really, all of it. You know that song "whats love got to do with it"? well, that "love" just aint gonna cut it. that ideal i believe you are chasing is just that, a beautiful sin-absolving ideal.. trust me. I'm a 20 yr old male who was raised by what, after many years in the furnace/cage and study, could be nothing more than a mother with BPD.. she's called the cops on me more times than i could fathom, and ive gotten to know nearly the entire police force in multiple towns. There came a point when i couldnt take it anymore. I still can't. I don't know if i ever will. I can't often enough discern others' intentions or psychological foreground any better than i can my own. I was sane, once. I could lie like a sociopath, once. But lately i've grown less intelligent, less in control. and as this might be due to my sporadic(im financially destitute) use of heroin over the past year following 2 years tweaking myself sexy, i think it strongly relays on the deterioration of my emotional stability via (a)deep significant emotional relationship(s). so what am i saying here if im responding to the desperate 23 yr old borderline? i feel bad for your fuckin boyfriend, but you need to get rid of him. take him for everything he has, strip the bastard of his skin if maybe then he'll feel a real tickle. take all is wealth(which is surely nonexistent) and accumulate/transmute it into one big pile of cash. then find a pathway where you dont have to feel this pain ever again. because each moment is an eternity, right? throw it all to the wind, this life holds nothing for the diseased but the ever-looming illusory idea of death, or true finality. get a bunch of drugs, lifes not worth it without them. seriously. nothing has made me more happy or filled with joy than the promise of not feeling anything at all. thoughts of death, murder, and suicide. plague the plague-bringers to the point where if they would just plague themselves, not only our insignificant and trouble-making existences would be efficiently shortened, but there would be no bad to spread.. other than the heartbreak of our families which is inevitable anyway.


    Anyway, its been 5 weeks since i've done any hard drugs. I want to do them now more than ever, so badly its become extremely difficult to maintain proper manipulation, which i self-esteem for.

    I od'ed a couple months ago and my sworn-brother pulled me out of it after he got the gas station attendant to unlock the bathroom door.. somehow he saved me.. and it was awkward thanking him. because i really wasnt grateful.

    i dont expect anyone on here to give a rats ass, i am just surrounded by people constantly but am ever so alone. its maddening.



    my names jake, i live in montana

    my favorite band is the Mars Volta
    my favorite singer is Gwen Stefani


    Ok, one last thing. its a question that i would appreciate feedback on. what is with this chameleon thing? i am one myself, as i don't truly have my own personality, i am never the person in my dreams, and that person is never the same. also, i hate women and children and if i join any war those are my primary targets and meals. good day.



    but really, what the hell, am i borderline or what? i cant seem to be honest with any psychologist no matter how hard i try, and when i try they just get baffled about how smart i am and like me so much they forget that i might be crazy. what does it matter, anyway? must we identify these traits that once identified, only create more trouble due to the awareness? blablablabla good night

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    1. Would you eat Gwen Stefani even though she is your favourite singer?

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    2. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

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  25. lol, I forgot that I had bpd and diagnosed when I was a teenager. I have read most of these posts on this website and I was wondering...then why don't I just use people for their money instead of their emotions...because I have bpd lol. I mean I have some socio tendencies but nothing a doctor told me about then again i haven't seen one in years because I refuse to. But oh well.

    Side not, I was in a relationship with a psychopath and didn't realize till a few months ago that he was one and asked him about it. He blatantly told me that he was, and was curious. So I kept in contact with him (he was well and still is obsessed with me, seeing as I manipulated him when I first met him and he can't get over how I did it.) But we actually went well together. Him not talking to me for months at a time I didn't mind. Me getting married and him trying to blame me for my destruction of him. blah blah blah...all that bs that he developed a tiny grinch heart as you can say. I thought it was humorous and his paranoid personality was quite amusing to be around.

    But anyways, divorced and with a bf now, I am still figuring out how I think and well, have been for years not. And this site has helped me a lot so thanks for pointing me in the right direction and helping me remember a lot of things that I forgot due to abuse and neglect.

    Also, side note: yes my IQ is 130, not the norm 140 as aspd. but still have my forms of manipulation that I have in my head.

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  26. Side note: I have adhd, was diagnosed as a teen as well, take adderal, and it obstructs my view on what is right and wrong and it makes me want to be alone more than usual. I developed this monotone sense of thinking if you can understand that. I I'm introverted and it has the effects on me like an anti depressant would on a paranoid. if you would understand that as well.

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  27. Hey, I'm female, 20 and diagnosed with BPD and AsPD traits. I was diagnosed at 17, but I've always had this. Still in therapy sadly..

    I've been told I'm a different borderline, as I don't feel remorse, guilt and rarely feel empathy. I do have a fear of abandonment, and I split others. I'm also very impulsive and irresponsible, angry. I'm currently dating a socio, and I have never been happier. Like another user has said, it has lifted me out of my depression. We both speak about our dark thoughts, and plan crimes together. We often act them out too. He's even stated he has been lifted from his depression as well. A part of me is aware it could be all an act, as we're no strangers to playing with people in relationships for amusement, but it feels completely right, in every aspect.

    I know there are a lot of comments disputing the fact that BPD's and socio's are perfect for each other, but I think they are. They're a match made in heaven ;)

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    1. I'm intrigued what these crimes are you speak of?

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  28. Hi! I have been diagnosed with BPD since I was about 16, but looking back I am aware that there were early signs of it starting in puberty. My first crush was on a girl...I have never had a strong sense of sexual identity and would have to say I am gay. My crushes on girls were always very intense, with me usually being shot down b/c I was accused of being over bearing, reading into things or being smothering/controlling. I always thought that I would handle these brush off's better as I recieved more and more of them. Nope. Not true. I began to re-invent myself accordingly to every situation of every crush so as to gain my way. Its all about me...its only about the other person (in a hot and heavy seductive way)just because of how it will make them think of me or pull them closer to me. At times I totally know I have been delusional and accused girls who were not even gay that they "were gay" and liked me...evident to the contrary....when dumped by my ex's I would go crazy, get threatened with restraining orders and repeatedly call text and check up on them...only to be nice, but when rejected I would go crazy and curse them out and threaten to kick their asses....then say sorry and want them. Its hell in a relationship...hell without one. I tend to not get into any b/c I know I will either sabotage it subconsiously or be expecting it to get sabotaged by the other person, thus reading into things and starting shit and then they shut me down. Its a hard thing to live with. I am currently recieving therapy for this. I alternate from highs and lows, which are usually driven by my love life. When involved w/someone I go loco and have been misdiagnosed with bipolar. I get high on love...manias...love to me is this thing so powerful that its like I begin to see hidden meanings, coincidences and parallels in the life of myself and the other person...I mean, I start talking about the position of the planets lining up and cosmic occurances that have never occured and positions of the planets that only occured since i met my new love...collaborative energies occur..I become highly artistic, existentialistic and begin talking about auras/tracers. Then I am so high on our relationship that I will get on lock down and just sit and think....like a fixation in silence along with all the other flight of ideas. its the most beautiful thing ever. Try taking it away....haha. I have been threatened with restraining orders, had tantrums and been severely depressed from rejection...its like taking my universe from me. Ok..enough said.

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    1. Geez that sounds exactly like me... the auras n shit.. it's not even during a relationships - just the tip of the iceberg of one blooming and im hallucinating and falling into madness.

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  29. I posted some months ago about my bpd tendencies and my sociopathic, extremely succesful businessman. Well, we are back together, as if we ever really weren't. Threee years on he is the only one who thrills me. By that I mean he never bores me or gives in to my manipulation so the challenge aspect is very interesting. I actually see now that in my younger years I had more bpd tendencies, whereas now my ways are more sociopathic. The development kind of grew. He acted as a mirror for me, seeing how he dealt with me, showed me how I deal with others and what effect I have on them. We are more similar than different. Being with him teaches me so much about myself because I get to see myself operating. I also can not complain about the hardships because what he mighht inclifct upon me, I myself, inflict on others constantly. We discuss our dark side together though he is more cautious. Quite useless of him, as he and I both know that I see who he is exactly. Well, takes one to know one. If one is attracted to a socio, then the odds are you have NPD, BPD or ASPD yourself. Fact.

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  30. I really think that NPD, BPD and ASPD's are joined together in their pursuit of the holy grail of all people with personality disorders which obviously is a desire to suck an erect penis of a whale just after it left another's whale's anus.

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    1. If you spoke this to me in person. I would consider it well within my rights to zip tie you to a chair naked. Brand you with a hot iron in the shape of a penis, simply for the irony of it. And the release you from the chair and zip tie your hands behind your back and your feet together. Immediately after which I would place a clear plastic bag over your head and zip tie it air tight around your neck. Not tight enough to choke you but just tight enough so that no air can get in. Then I would push you to the ground and watch you thrash around on the cold wet concrete completely naked as panic starts to seep into every corner of your being and you realize you are about to die.

      Keep your ignorant comments to yourself. It isn't our fault you have no friends, or at least none that can stand you for long periods of time, and thus find the need to troll this site. I obviously have no way of assessing your real identity so you are at no risk of facing my zip ties, but be more mindful of what you say. The next out of the way comment you make in your life may be to a psychopath that actually do know where you live. What then?

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    2. you wish, fuckface. Sociopaths are pathetic.

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  31. Lets be clear about a few things.

    1) Borderline and sociopath are NOT the same.

    The rehabilitation rate for borderlines who commit to therapy is exceptional, for sociopaths it is zero. This is because borderlines have a well-developed conscience. NOBODY cares as much as a BPD cares...we (yes we) will take on every bad/sad/angry emotion you have as being our fault, and feel guilty for it. But you can only take on so much guilt as a person. So you oscillate between thinking everything is your fault (idealisation phase), and trying to push it onto someone else so you don't drown (devaluation phase). If anything, our consciences are overdeveloped, not underdeveloped.

    2) Borderline + sociopath = unmitigated disaster for the borderline.

    I've been in a relationship with a sociopath. It was hell. Not so much at the time of course...when you are in a relationship as a BPD you want to reflect the person you are in a relationship with, and so you fall into chameleon mode. But even though it was my first relationship, some part of me felt it was...off. Thankfully I had the strength to move to another city, which allowed me to break it off, and get through the horror of the rejection cycle without being able to rush back.

    Looking back, I can see how he used my own chameleon tendancies to bend me to his will. If I even expressed a desire for anything that didn't suit him, I was 'aggressive'. If I didn't want to play his disgusting sex games (which were all about giving him power), then I didn't understand that this is how sex is SUPPOSED to be...this is what you do if you love someone. I feel disgust with myself at everything I did, everything I was. There is a horrifying sense of abuse...even though it feels so undefinable...that I cannot shake, years later.

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    1. Thank you for this. You are the only one so far that agree with 100% because I am emotional but not violent and I don't reak havok. I do hold alot of guilt and think people are mad all the time when they are not mad. I'm not a chamilion type. You can read my post above....the long one that is because there are shorter ones too but I'm referring to the longer one.

      Bonnie Lee

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    2. fantastic. BPD's are people, sociopaths are a dead empty waste of oxygen.

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    3. I agree with you.

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  32. This makes sense. I have BPD (was diagnosed at famous psych hospital three years ago and it "clicked" like nothing else in my life ever had before). I've done a lot of therapy and learned how to behave in a way that allows me to function productively in life. I'm also better at managing my emotions.

    The BPD doesn't go away though. The diagnostic criteria behaviors can go away, mostly, but I'm still not neurotypical. I'm just not. It doesn't matter how much my behavior has changed.

    I've often wondered why men seem to find me so attractive. I've never been single since age fifteen, and I can't think of a single male I've ever been friends with or slept with who hasn't fallen head-over-heels. It's really weird because they've all been really different from each other -- some with BPD, some with other issues, some very emotionally healthy, etc. They haven't had the same personalities as each other at all.

    The man I'm with right now is a total Gryffindor (if you don't get the reference, for shame ;) and the sorting hat would know it from across the great hall, not needing to even touch the guy's head. He's all about honor, honesty, sticking by one's word. I'm the opposite of that. I'm a huge cheater (luckily he's poly so that fixes that), I lie whenever it seems justified to me (which is often), I don't think promises need to be kept just for the sake of keeping them etc.

    I really can't fathom why he likes me. No, not likes. LOVES. Adores. Worships.

    There *is nothing especially attractive about the core of me* (aside from smarts, I guess). I have no idea with this man finds me tolerable. I have actually molded myself to fit him better -- I've told him every awful thing I've ever done and then informed him of the lies I told when he and I first started talking. I've started telling the truth to everyone else. I tell him he's making me a better person, and I would like to believe it, but I don't think it's true. I think if he died today then I'd immediately stop being the person he loves.

    I feel sort of guilty because what he sees as a unique experience in his life (intense attraction to and love for me that developed into love within the period of a week, after years of not feeling much for anyone since his last love, who was a far better woman than I, passed away) is an experience I've witnessed countless men having in response to me. He just happened to be the one I've fallen for too. What he felt wasn't the special thing. The fact that I felt it back is the special thing.

    (I often feel intense rushes of emotion, but it's been at least five years since I loved someone in a way where I couldn't flip it off like a light switch when someone else shiny came along. And that time was really just me being weak and needy anyway.)

    -LP

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    1. Are you sure you are not a Narcissist?

      Every man falls in love with you, every man adores you, on and on with how amazing you are...

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    2. She's not saying how wonderful she thinks she is, she's explaining her experiences with men who look at her that way.

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    3. I'm the same way - every guy I've dated since I was 16 has proposed to me and I've never been single for more than a couple of weeks. I'm a damned good wife/girlfriend, and I pride myself on it, but I am shaped by every guy I've ever had an interest in. I shoot pool, fish, I can work on my own cars, I even used to watch football. I'm a hell of a cook, I can field dress a deer, read a map, drive a stick, shoot a 50cal, bugs don't gross me out, I don't like to shop, etc...

      I'm not one of the girls that guys consider to be bat-shit crazy. In fact I'm still friends with all but one of my ex-boyfriends. However I do have crazy intense emotional swings, I'm extremely insecure (although I've learned to hide it) and I'm usually the one to end a relationship the moment I sense (right or wrong) that it's starting to fade. You can't abandon me if I leave you first - but I'm a monkey who never lets go of one branch until she has firm hold of another. Welcome to functional BPD - great for you but it sucks for me. The only man I've ever felt safe with, and the only one I was willing to marry, is my completely sociopathic husband, God bless his nonexistent little heart.

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  33. I was just a few days ago Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, and put on medication, but my friend was telling me about Borderline Personality Disorder and it seemed to fit me as I read the signs, being abandoned by both my Mother (Who has tried to kill me for the last 16 years) and my Father who told my mom to tell my family he died of Overdosing and had recently contacted me, I where my emotions on my sleeve, and my life history and almost everything about me I would tell to anyone. I tend to use people, interact with them, try to manipulate them into telling me there life background and stories, observing them, only to cast them aside very quickly. I go through intense mood swings and I blackout when I get mad or angry. I tend to fixate though on a specific girl I like, they become my all, before I have even asked them out, sometimes before I have even known them for a week. I rely on my anger to push me, I go through intense bursts of hating myself and everyone around me to not wanting anyone to leave my side and becoming exceedingly egotistical. I have never been scuicidal but I have had scuicides in my family and have refused that option and have rejected it from my life. I have never been "close" to anyone for more than a few months, but blend in very well, liked by most people at my school because I tend to change subconscously depending on who is around me. The only thing that doesn't is my violent and aggressive side.

    Can anyone tell me what you think i fit in as?

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    1. I'd guess eupd its just another name for bpd. My mum left me when I was a kid abandoned me my half bro and my half sis and proceeded to try put both of us up for adoption we ended up living with our dif dads. And my bro did go up for adoption. Luckily her dad was smart wealthy and lived in a big busy happy friendly house with the rest of his family unluckily for me I grew up with my dumb alco father who had fits of rage and did things like make me eat my own sick when he'd force feed me as a kid (sorry for the heavy deets) and I was v close with his mum thankfully so she balanced things out she kept him under control and I'd spend a lot of time at her house -not many friends- she was my soul mate and all I needed I think that's how I saw it. Mum meanwhile had 1 more boy with an abusive man and she kept him (he's since turned out to be much like me only 5 yrs younger). The tables turned on my dad when I was 12 I stop letting myself get bullied by HIM but I got bullied on my street for being weird by the rough kids got left out in primary school because I was too hyper / annoying. Got bullied in secondary school just because I was easy to pick on and maybe too loud and annoying sometimes but was still sort of part of the popular group, just the one they sometimes beat up and teased. I'm 21 now and went through a phase of beating up my dad breaking him down mentally in fits of rage but that's the only person I have that kind of anger with. Anyways, Went out with a guy who I now think has socio tendencies and he broke my heart when I realised 2 years in that he had been cheating on me the whole time almost monthly sometimes weekly yet pretending V V convincingly to be a loving boyfriend. You wouldn't believe the lies and lengths he went to. Cried like a child the first time I caught him out or at least tried don't think I saw tears then when I broke up with him he sent me one hard cold long text with the details of every time he cheated on me. I went into shock and was just glad I'd broken up with him. I had been insanely pathetically jealous and possessive of him though and even lied about being on the pill for 6months. I've since learned that's an uncool creepy thing to do.. it even freaks me out that I did it and makes me think not a huge surprise he lied for the whole rel. Finally made it to college made loads of new friends started increasing my intelligence which I'd missed out on coming from a homely country nanny and dumb dad. Of course I became an alco and a drug abuser just like my dad f'd it all up and had to drop out. 6 over doses throughout my life, self harming since I was 5 and many social failures later I get the diagnosis eupd borderline type. Don't know if u can tell from reading all of that (if u bothered) but I'm nothing like the female socio this site often mentions bpd's to be but I'm still text book perfect example of one so if u want to get a diagnosis go to professionals both private and public not online forums.

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    2. Should mention my bro who is just like me prob gets his personality from not growing up with his dad as I didn't with mum and also just from being around my mum she herself has a dif form of bpd I think-the more dark manipulative type. my other bro and sis are a little messed up too just not as much as us because they had a better upbringing. She also had an eating disorder and smoked occasionally while she was preg with us so that says a lot. Anyhoo.

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    3. a normal person????

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  34. I just recently found out my husband has aspd...is this treatable? I realize he would need to want the help or else it would be useless. What I'm trying to figure out is if I should leave or go? I love him and want to help him, but I'm so tired of the lies and being hurt emotionaly. I'm just numb at this point, trying to figure out what's tht next step. :/

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    1. I meant stay or go

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    2. It is treatable. All personality disorders are treatable. But there is no medication designed to treat these disorders specifically. It will take years of intense behavior modification and therapy and he will have to be totally committed to treatment and willing to accept that he has a real problem. If he is stay. If he is not go.

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  35. He was diagnosed as ASPD and he told you? That is some involved mind play if he did. I would suggest that if you have a healthy regard for others and relatively stable "healthy" emotions get out while you can, don't waste your life. Also read up on Cluster B personality disorders- both the traits of those with them and the average traits of those people who end up in relationships with them. Find out what it is that made you want this person (and still want them now even though you probably know deep down they don't care about you). Get help and move on. They cannot change fundamentally, no more than you can, though they can easily make you think this if you are naturally trusting of people and find it hard to understand how somebody could act in such an unhuman way.
    Unless of course you have cluster B personality traits yourself. Somebody earlier wrote
    "I think ASPD and BPD are made for each other, if I'm honest"
    Almost certainly this is true.

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  36. He was diagnosed as ASPD and he told you? That is some involved mind play if he did. I would suggest that if you have a healthy regard for others and relatively stable "healthy" emotions get out while you can, don't waste your life. Also read up on Cluster B personality disorders- both the traits of those with them and the average traits of those people who end up in relationships with them. They cannot change fundamentally, no more than you can, though they can easily make you think this if you are naturally trusting of people and find it hard to understand how somebody could act in such an unhuman way.
    Unless of course you have cluster B personality traits yourself. Somebody earlier wrote
    "I think ASPD and BPD are made for each other, if I'm honest"
    Almost certainly this is true.

    I was involved with a severe sociopath, manipulative and devious in very subtle and shrewd ways though always blatant to anybody (personality disorder or otherwise) who can seperate fully emotions from thought whenever necessary. You know when somebody is being deceitful when they offer information in a discussion you didn't ask for, when they become defensive when you're not attacking them, - or if they present an "emotion" completely in words in a formulaic manner, almost as if from a script. For example everytime somebody with ASPD notices you might be suspcious of their devious manipulation and see you're genuinely upset theyll tell you something like "you're really important to me, I need you in my life" and they may say it in exactly the same way in many different situations. Also it may sound over the top and disingenous- emotional overkill. Because they've never felt a true emotion their actions may not entirely fit or feel natural to the situation -(unless they are extremely intelligent). The best way is to not look at the person saying it. Often if you love somebody you see their face and you may melt, you then don't rationally interpret the horrible twsited things the person with ASPD is saying. Try doing this during a heated moment, you may find yourself shocked. It may sound like a totally different person.
    I was recently diagonsed with BPD, though I am now worried after reading more in to Cluster B personality disorders that I have a lot of characteristics of SPD. I hope this is not the case as it sounds like a dreadful condition to have. Can you be ASPD and it be unconscious, as you've fooled yourself over the years?

    Though I can understand what it feels like to truly feel guilt, remorse, shame, joy, sadness, I have done so under very extreme circumstances, it isn't my natural state of affairs. I generally feel numb and have many different characters that I interchange unconsciously. I do not really care about others peoples welfare- not that I want to hurt them, but I wouldn't consider their feelings when I'm deciding on what I want to do. Though I do not actively manipulate.

    I have started to worry lately as I've spent more time with this sociopath. I initially allowed him to manipulate me and went off the rails (which I do time to time often on my own) and was temporarily vulnerable and played this up to allow him to feel control over me. It wasn't 100% conscious and there was brief spell the game became reality- I was bessotted with him(love might be a stretch, I wanted to just be with him constantly as it felt great, like a drug, he gave me exactly what I needed and knew exactly how to make me feel good) and he manipulated me. Once I'd come back round the tables turned as I carried on with the vulnerability even when I wasn't feeling the least bit vulnerable. It is somewhat amusing to manipulate somebody with ASPD and it is easily done once you know how they operate. It will only ever be a game though. If you have more to get from life then leave him.

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    1. I think I may be BPD, idk, I just no, Im not right...I have been diagnosed anxiety disorders, OCD, PTSD, manic highs & lows, extreme rage... I am a sociopath magnet, lol, or am I attracted to them...my mental disorders are at their worst, due to trama, "they say" all these labels, idk, whatever. Im now in mission mode to get back my most recent sociopath BF that has discarded me after I questioned him about an apparent lie, and just like a true SPD, he got defensive & nasty, and in a blink of an eye, our once intense romance was over, he completely shut me out. I find myself wanting to play his game, while playing my own game to manipulate him back to me...can someone tell me how to play my sociopath and win him back...Im not sure if hes aware of himself and what he is, but I did tell him I believe he is a sociopath, he did not respond. I since then have been trying a different approach, telling him I miss him and Im sorry if I disappointed or hurt him...am I on the right path?? Everything is via text, he wont respond, only once to say "happy birthday" which I know was just to fuck with me, lol...he knows how much I miss him and am hurting...No response to numerous emotional texts, just happy birthday, lmfao, but not, I really am in pain and miss him so much... please help, thanks. Sick & Twisted

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    2. Start valuing yourself, and please don't refer to yourself as "sick and twisted" - male violence doesn't deserve one more minute of your time in the form of self hatred. Stay away from men and heal yourself, my best advice to you. <3

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  37. Well, my name is Ana. I'm 22 and started losing my f*** mind by 15. Wrecked complete havok, friends, family, bye bye bye... Self-destructive but not only towards myself. Wasn't good enough for me. Had to take everyone down with me. By 16. 17 was medicated but had no fucking idea what was wrong with me. and... 22 was finally diagnosed.
    i can say that... I dont have real emotions. They simply arent real. IT's all illusions. There's an illusion of the world, always as in my life ever since i was a child. It's like the dream world, wtv, where everyone is an eternal child, and everyone is good, and there's no evil in the world and tatata. Problem was when having to deal with the real world and people and situations that did not fit into my inner world, it was like a punch to the soul. I don't remember being happy as a child. I was not mean however I managed to get people in trouble, because if I wanted to really do something, I'd convince everyone to do it, due to the excitment of it being such an awesome idea, and shit would usually hapen. That's what was remotely close to happyness.
    I wouldn't say I was hypersensitive in my early teens. It's just... Things had to go my way. Or I'd feel like shit about myself. I was a perfeccionist, and a bright kid. And then I started to gain conscience od the world around me. Which I did not have. And I realized I didnt fit. I didnt care about anyone, or anything. I cared about having fun, laughing. My mother has bpd. Agressive. She controlled my entire life. Everything I did, she chose what I had to study, what I had to dress, the friends I'd get to have. Which had not particullarly bothered me until I started to have that feeling of isolation. Everywhere. With everyone I was. Suddenly was as if nothing mattered, nothing was funny, nothing nothing. It was like suddenly I had conscience of that. I needed change, I craved for it and I couldn't have it. I looked at myself in the mirror and it was like staring at someone else. That wasnt me. I had no absolute contact with myself. I had been nothing but a pawn until then. That being being because my mother had been the only person allowed inside my inner world. To me she wasn't a person she was like this goddess, this perfect being. And suddenly not alone she wasn't perfect, she didnt fit in my world anymore. So I turned on her. Her, my whole family, my 'friends' (who werent friends, I had never developed any close relationships with anyone, was just fun and laughter purposes), I would kick everyone as far away from me as I could. I wanted to make the world into my world. And if it couldnt, then I'd rather there'd be no world. Basically I couldnt understand reality as it was, and I ran from it. If I had to I'd die before it got to me.
    It's like this. We wont, and we get it. And if we dont we'll likely die trying.

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  38. We get insanelly attached to people. Mostly because the image we construct of them does not match reality. Reflects our desires. My inner world. I am very subcounscious. I see what I want to see (I've managed not to see people in front of me greeting me because I subcounsciously didnt want to).
    I was for years in a push pull relationship with this guy. He had BPD too. It was not particullarly a good relationship. But I was fucking blind, until he almost destroyed me. Until the point I was crying in a classroom or looking at the computer trying to decide how i'd kill myself (of course I told him this xD). Well. It was good and bad. Because... a) we were alike after all. and we understood each other like no one else did. but... b) if we were wanting things that didnt match we would crash into war with each other very roughly. It was that fire that kept it going. Because I actually felt something. And it was f*** overwhelming. Then again, he would break up with me because he suddenly wanted to go chase someone else, I'd broke up with him for the same reason... And we kept getting back. But it was getting harsher everytime. So I decided to quit for good.
    2nd relationship. The Schizo guy. Again. Must have been the person I loved the most in my life. Because I met him in his narcissistic phase and we were both smoking a lot of weed so all his crazy ideas appeared normal to me. Plus I had this idealization of him where he really was smarter and more awesome than anyone else. Again... The idealization thing. I was in love for months, we lived together, everything fine... And then I started to need change again. Said 'Hey, lets move' he said 'ok'. Then he started to think and think and think and to scare himself out of his brains and one day I called him and he pushed me away saying he thought we should just be friends. Of course by then I had already knew what he'd been doing and that he was going to see someone else, so... I just told him all I knew. He couldnt speak anymore xD Well the girl tried like hell to be like me, he manipulated her into it so... I won anyway xD
    Still. I suffered like hell. I didnt know that kind of suffering was even possible. Only my parents knew because I had nightmares every night. Woke up crying looking for him in my sleep. Or burst into tears everytime I saw him talking to her in f*** facebook. No one else knew. Not even him. I hate it when I feel this bad. I hate myself for letting me get this attached to someone. But on the other hand... If I dont, I wont get to go to heaven, and float around in love while the illusion is good. It's more of an egoistic thing, I think. I just paint it pretty. I do it for myself, to make myself feel. Because it's so amazing to feel in love and hapy and all that sh** but... Then it's like a drug. You want more and more and more, and when you dont have it its like the worlds coming to an end.

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    1. ...find a replacement. ;) New is exciting.

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  39. 3rd time's a charm they say... The sociopath. He painted himself as perfect. Completely perfect. Now we have the good part of this envolvment... We want to create the illusion that bad... But are also very mistrusting. Especially when we don't pick up any vibes xD He was great with words, touch and lies. I would have fallen except... It seemed too programmed, too perfect. So I pretended I had fallen. He started to not care enough to lie that well and forgot what lies he'd told. Plus.. His manipulative attempts were too drastic and killed the illusion. Was a good run though. He'd get me to his side, or at least falling a little into it, but I'd make him fuck up. So the illusion faded. Then he'd come to continue the game, and I'd illude again a little. And so on... Until I couldnt illude myself anymore. Which was a bummer cause now I ain't feeling shit again. Still, this was a good run. Great emotional trainning ahah. I could feel but not get attached though, what else can a girl ask for?
    I let people see what I want them to see. If I want to have fun with someone, I'll be seen like the funniest coolest girl ever. If I hate someone, I'll make them hate me. If I want someone to love me, they will. If I want someone to feel sorry for me, they will too.
    I test people though first. I show them what they want from me and test them through it. Bate them, watch how they behave, if they're behaviours match each other and the words. How likely will I be to get what I want... That sort of thing. Its kind of like a recently developped defense mechanism.
    My 2nd... We had an intense emotional bond from the start. Were very empathic towards each other. That's why it felt so bad to let go. Because the odds of that happening again are remote.
    The socio... Well it was the exact opposite. I couldnt read him so he intrigued me. After realizing I couldnt read him because there really wasnt much in the back to read in the first place... Lost interest. Challenge was over. There was nothing there for me to find.
    I like the finding. And I like emotions. Feelings. Unconvering other's inconscient mind piece by piece and putting it in front of them. Understanding different heads from mine... Preferably deep complex minds. Its more of a challenge. It's how I've been keeping myself busy and emotional.

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  40. So... We got conection and understanding with self and others covered. And I think I've took a big step here towards emotional control. Cause its like cats, its a strong, rapid emotional impulse and it escalades like hell and it usually takes you. I compare myself to a boat in the sea. The tide is calm. Most of the time. Until you get bored like crap and want to stirr it. And when it stirrs, from all the calmness, the waves hit the boat like a fucking tsunami and destroy you. At least they do at first. From there you either apply your amazing manipulative capacities on your self or keep having identity crisis and having to rebuild the boat over and over again. You need to maintain the inner struture of the boat intact. And you cant do it because you provoke tsunamis, by incresing the illusion infinetely. You can adjust your sails, morphing yourself a little to the tide... But you cant let the tide take you. You can stirr the water and you should. But only to a level you can handle. And the most damage you get are some shabbs on the sails, and not the whole f*** boat going to hell.
    Well. That's all for my conclusions after all these years. It's been crap. But I'm going to fucking make this disease an impulse forwards instead of an endless loop. I know I have the ability to. Just have to oblige myself to, instead of trying to change the world and others, trying to change the mind of the inner raw me. I'm trying to make sense of all my past and dealing with all the shit I should have dealt with these years, creating a rational positive though regarding it in my head and dogmatizng it and never thinkking about it anymore. And next challenge. Next step. Next. Always forward. But... with the experience from the past. And never forgetting all about it and get blinded by the moment. Let's see how it works =D

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  41. I ordered a love spell and before it was completed, I heard from my husband. He called me wanting to see me. I spent the day with him today, which was great. Thanks Dr.ZACK BALO and will post once my wishes have all come through,EMAILTO CONTACT HIM IS wiseindividualspell@gmail.com.

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  42. Yes I got my lover back through Dr. Abu. My wife left me six months ago. The longer she’s gone, the more I see what a jerk I was. At first, I blamed her for leaving. I told her she was ‘wrong’. In fact, I slapped Scripture on her, trying to guilt-induce her any way I could. My anger only pushed her farther away. I can’t believe the way I acted. My wife gave me chance after chance, and I ignored her. I contacted Dr. Abu and within a few minutes of speaking with him, I realized that Dr. Abu was the one person whom I could completely trust. Within 48 hours, My wife is back in my life. I can’t thank him enough and I will use Dr. Abu again for further work in the future. You can contact him on Ominighospelltemple@gamil.com

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  43. This article is a hilarious misconception I can't believe what I just read. BORDERLINE IS NOT THE FEMALE SOCIOPATHY!!!! Otherwise known as "emotionally unstable personality disorder borderline/impulsive type". You are referring to one v specific borderline when you say female socio. Actually often they have huge empathy both cognitive and physical and have v few narcissistic qualities at all. Right brain empath overly emotional (hence the name) bpd/eupd's are common too. I have eupd borderline type triple checked diagnosis for 2 years now and I can tell you I am the farthest thing from a female socio you will get. I'm nowhere near adequate enough for that haha if you met me you'd understand straight away. Borderline has many many subtypes and to say its on the lacking empathy spectrum alone is a mistake. A GIANT mistake.

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    1. I believe what was meant by this article and in general the notion of Borderline as the female presentation of psychopathy or sociopathy is that there is a small but distinct percentage of female borderlines that are also psychopaths. Very little research has been conducted to determine the validity of this hypothesis, however, and in fact I am currently conducting such research at the psychiatric hospital where I work. Such assumptions must be supported with empirical data if we are to know the truth.

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  44. One of the hallmarks of BPD is the shifting of mindsets over time with a denial of previous mindsets at the time one is dominant. This is called identity diffusion...the person becomes split into different pseudopersonalities. In the case of the BPD, these are described in Deconstructive Dynamic Psychotherapy (a psychodynamic, evidence-based treatment for BPD) as the guilty perpetrator mode (I'm bad and beyond redemption. No one should care about me or help me.), the helpless victim mode (I'm good but helpless, there are bad others out there as well as potential ideal rescuers), the angry victim mode (I'm good but powerless and you're bad and victimizing), and finally the demigod perpetrator mode. In this fourth mode, borderlines are emotionally detached, engage in self-soothing behaviors, and often take advantage of others egocentrically. In this state of mind they do resemble sociopaths. But it is not the presence or absence of these traits that defines the disorder, but the rapid and sudden shifting from mode to the other. Sociopaths have more stability to their personality traits, rather than shifting from one to the next in response to interpersonal triggers.

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    1. Wrong wrong WRONG. Thats just different mindsets of the SAME stream of person. You people need to take a good read of the European diagnostic manual and understand it before you talk about bpd. You need to take the term eupd into the equation too!! Cluster b personalities are "dramatic personalities" too not "lacking emotion". Bpd can swing either way.. it can occur in different personality types as opposed to causing one distinct type of personality that ranges in extremity. Like bpd/eupd can occur in anyone in your work/college not just the "dangerous manipulators". Manipulation manifests in HUGELY different ways in dif personalities.

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    ReplyDelete
  46. Perfectly described except as a borderline, I am so far from being a stepford wife. I have only been married once and am still in the marriage after 10 years. My husband is not abusive and I am not like a chamilion. I have never been like a chamilion and I always have genuine feelings and empathy. I guess the key truth for me as a borderline is I am super intense in relationships but usually those relationships are friendships rather than lover-type. I am extremely afraid of abandonment. Yes I've had alot of loss in life, grew up in fostercare and programs and was sexually abused as a child numerous times by different people. I am not the type who grows up to become an abuser except I do have anger outbursts with my husband at times. I love children, animals, elderly and disabled. I have extreme compassion, cry at some movies but not all and get real anxious with certain news issues that relate to abuse or pulling the plug type news such was with people who are in vegetative states and it becomes public in court. I would report abuse in a heartbeat rather than watch. I get angry when people drink and drive, abortion, terrorists etc......Now, with all this said, when people hurt me, I often have revenge thoughts but what distinguishes me from a true violent Borderline is I am a Christian, have a moral compas, a conscience and never follow through with my thoughts because I truly feel empathy and see the consequences ahead. I was diagnosed with Borderline at age 8. YES, age 8. Now whether or not you believe a child of 8 can be properly diagnosed or not doesn't matter because it's actually in my records that I was diagnosed so someone thought I had it. Now, at 36, I do know I have many symptoms of Borderline but I also feel I am NOT the posterchild for Borderline since I identify more as a christian who could never hurt a fly. That doesn't mean I don't have violent ideations but they are always thwarted with my true empathic and compassionate nature. My current therapist thinks I was mis-diagnosed and have some Borderline symptoms but because of the empathy and compassion I have that I am more a PTSD diagnosis but nevertheless, I have been diagnosed as Borderline, Major Depression, Distymia (during the less major depressive phases) I am Distymic because when I am not suicidal, I am always feeling low. PTSD and OCD. OCD at age 15. I have held jobs off n on throughout the years but don't usually go past 3 years without stopping for awhile again. Anyway, I can be slightly manipulative but not to gain power, sex or money rather to not be abandoned again so relationships are hard for me.

    bonnaleesa@gmail.com

    To anyone who might want to talk,
    FaceBook...Bonnie Lee
    There are a few Bonnie Lee's so if you request me, I am the one with strawberry-blonde hair

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Bonnie,
      Becoming a Christian in 2011 is the only thing that has even put a dent in my BPD. I still have such a long road, but I truly think I hurt myself and others less, because I now try to focus most of my energies on mimicking Jesus, praying, church, reading the Bible, apologetics, etc. I think it's great that you gave yourself to Jesus and that your symptoms seem very manageable. I will pray for you.

      Delete
  47. I ordered a spell on a friday night and on Monday the place I applied for a job called
    for me to come by their office. They gave me the job I applied for and made me an offer
    of more per hour than I have ever made in my life! I am so happy! The government jobs
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    you can call on him for help on his email address dr,kokotemple@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete

  48. miss temerra
    'My mouth is full of testimonies, Am miss temerra E my husband left the home for six month to uk for a tourist, where he meant this prostitute and he was bewitch by the girl my husband refuse to come back home again, i cry day and night looking for who to help me, i read a news paper about a powerful spell caster called Dr.rivers i contacted the spell caster to help me get my lover back to me and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods we fight for me.. he told me by mid-night when all the spirit is at rest he will cast a spell to reunite my lover back to me. and he did in less than 4 days my husband came back to me and started crying that i should for forgive him, i,m so happy for what this spell caster did for me and my husband.. Dr rivers you can as well contact him fo help now email him at dr.rivershebalisthome@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  49. lease somebody uplift my faith on this. my mother, 52 years old was dignosed hiv positive and TB this year, and immediately started on ARV on 07/02/11 coz her cd4 count was only 15. she is not a christian, but i am and she has agreed to go to pastor chris on the night of bliss. pray with me for her healingi have heard testimonies of so many people who heve been healed from this sickness, but who have not yet been atarted on ARV. obviously with with the ARV’s the virus becomes healed?you can as well reach him in his
    email address now at:homeofsolveingproblems@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  50. testimony

    I had to write back and say what an amazing experience I had with dodogodssolution@yahoo.com. l am tina. I was desperate for a kind and gentle man to enter my life when I ran into your email doing some surfing. I had a phone consultation with Dr dodogods and I found him to be so helpful, gentle and reassuring. Within a couple of weeks, I met a guy in a dance club who really swept me off my feet. I’ve been with him for several months now and we seem to be the perfect couple. All it took was one visit to Dr dodogods and my life is as good as it has ever been. I need to thank Dr.dodogods for caring about me enough to send me such a wonderful and powerful spell.thanks post by david

    ReplyDelete
  51. Get your lover back: Your lover left you? Don't loose your time, he or she must still have feelings for you and must be getting trough a period of doubts. Take advantage of these doubts and ask me to do a spell now. This spell is specially designed for love issues. It will bring back the most intense passion he or she have had for you. Attention, this ritual will be successful only if you have been separated for less than 6 months. Beyond 6 months or for a permanent solution, contact me for a free consultation. If you are sure she or he is your soul mate and you want him/her back, this spell is for you. dr,rivershebalisthome@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  52. This is my testimonial on how Dr.Agbazara of agbazara@gmail.com brought back my lover within 48hours, I came across Dr.Agbazara email address through the search engine few days ago, so i emailed him about my condition and how my lover left me. He told me it would take him only 48hours to get my ex back to me, my ex called me before 48hours just as Dr.Agbazara told me begging me to forgive him and forget about the past and he is ready to make up for lost time.Thank you Dr.Agbazara for the good job you did for me continue the good work. Contact Dr.Agbazara temple of solution via email on:
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    ReplyDelete
  53. Since I read "Confessions of a Sociopath" it helped me understand someone with antisocial personality disorder. I started reading more blogs on sociopath world I've noticed theirs a possibility that I could have border line personality disorder.

    I was diagnosed with seasonal depression and dysthymia in the past. My current diagnoses is major depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I've taken verity of medications to help with depression even ones that are used for other health problems that has shown to help depression.
    Most of my family members I have shut out of my life since I don't have time for their drama or favors they ask for and don't seem to return. I give people a few chances to make a effort to make a relationship unless I see a benefit I could find useful. For the friends I do have we have a mutual problems or experience that we bond over but sometimes their just understanding.

    I have changed my personality in order to get to know someone, fitting with other people or being unnoticed for I wont be bothered. I started joining sports for I could be healthier then changed to getting fit. I was obsessed about losing weight to the point of counting or restricting my calorie in take then burning the calories I consumed. I've had several health problems because I wasn't eating enough or working out to much over the years. I'm pretty sure my eating disorder is going to control me though out my life.

    Latter in my life I became more impulsive and haven't made the best decisions without thinking the of consequences they could have. I started partying early in my life then doing hard core drugs years before I even tried pot. I stopped doing drugs after I had to start paying for them so didn't see the need to continue to them unless its free. I have been with multiple people most of the time unprotected but rush of danger from sleeping with someone was so exciting to me.

    Most of my problems started early in my life but the first addiction for me wasn't a drug. It was brain chemicals that was released when I inflicting pain that pours so freely from built in stress. Its not like I haven't tried to stop even when I've passed out or going to the ER to get stiches because I couldn't stop the bleeding. I was never sure how to deal with stress in my life but one day I thought it would just be nice to end it all witch didn't work out very well. Since then I try not to think about it but sometimes I still want to take the easy way out.

    I could control my self in situations even to the point of someone being in my face and yelling. I do have a tendency of not showing enough concern when someone tells me something personal or depressing but if its someone I care about I could show concern. If my depression or anxiety hits me hard I just can't control my moods all the time because theirs jus so much going on. Seems like it takes so much effort to seem normal but my moods could change within a few hours or through out the week.

    The hole emptiness feeling is something I cant stand because it feels like I don't care about anything. Seems like years I've tried to find a magic pill that would fill it but seems like I have only found that helps with other problems. Sometimes I blame the emptiness for every for bad decision, habit, and impulses I have done in my life. Sometimes I'm not sure what to do or what I'm feeling because theirs a hole inside me. It feels like I can't make a real connection with someone in life because I cant stay stable or my emotions would end a friendship.

    ReplyDelete
  54. I'm a woman with BPD (was diagnosed as a teenager) and hands down my best relationship was with a socio. He made me feel stronger and I was amusing for him.

    "Baby sister" is such a good way to describe it, I'm still friends with my socio ex and he sees me as a cross between an annoying little sister and a pet cat. But I'll always have love for him, and while I can't read his mind I think he feels some sort of real friendship for me too.

    Honestly if you guys would stop pretending to have emotions to fit in, you'd have a better chance of finding someone who appreciates you for who you are, lack of social acceptability and everything.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Replies
    1. I am a psychotherapist in the Midwest. My area of specialty includes Cluster B personality disorders (see above). For all the discussion here, much of which is quite good, it is important to mention that ALL pathology has a point. To what extent will we "act" in order to get what we want "now"? That's all. I have often said to clients---"What's the difference if I say to you "Can I take this from you now please?" in a kind and sweet manner---versus "Give me your *$)# $*))# now *$))# or I'll cut you up?" Same message...different delivery. Sociopaths, borderlines, narcissists....they each just have their own unique spin on achieving the same ultimate goal: "Give me what I want now!" The end. And you're welcome.

      Delete
  56. I might add the only reason I didn't reveal myself is because I don't have any of the URLs here in order to post except for "Anonymous"! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  57. omg, now it's all so clear...so after reading all this I understand now, finally, and completely, why, at the tender age of 13 I saw the "Shape Shifter" episode on Star Trek, (you know w/ William Shatner) and for the first time, felt an incredible urge to receive sustenance from the female shape shifter's bosom...no, not 'cause I'm gay...although....never mind that - different site entirely -, I psychologically viewed her as my REAL mother. I am the spawn of a Shape Shifter and a Pathological liar - and, - if that weren't enough, men are drawn to me like flies to sh** , I don't have time to lament the exit of one, before I find myself distracted by the entrance of another - it's like a revolving door, --- sound like a recipe for disaster? Damn straight it is, and I expressly grant you permission to stand in awe of my superhuman ability to have been dealt this hand and emerged THIS sane. I amaze myself -***cough, narcissist**- Good God, Sherlock...I think you've solved another case...NOT. Sad part about socio's is, they don't realize how funny they really are. Here's my advice to all those suffering from loving a sociopath so extremely deeply, you lose your mind, heart and soul in every salacious, delicious, emotionally charged, ecstasy-filled moment - Ease up, don't take yourself too seriously...and play to your audience. .... and know, that you just got punked, or rather, let me translate that into psycho-babble (as I am ultra smart and know several different languages) "manipulated"...I didn't mean a damn thing I posted here - XO, love ya baby~!

    ReplyDelete
  58. Oh, and one more thought...when a socio wants something and instead of conforming and allowing themselves to be manipulated into behaving, and kissing a little ass...kicks and screams and carries on like a nasty, out of control, spoiled brat, they are pitting their social ineptness against my ego fueled manipulative prowess...I think it'll end in a showdown...or a really heated game of UNO...not sure which. Anyone on here know where I can get a deck of UNO cards?

    ReplyDelete

  59. Getting my Ex back my name is Sarah. I've known Johnson for years, When we finally got together things were kind of weird so we broke up which was in February of 2011 In June of 2012 he and I recently got back together and we were together until march of 2013 which he told me he was not interested in relationship again During that time I changed completely, I wasn't eating,I was sleeping a lot, I wasn't talking to anybody, I cried a lot,I'm so depressed and stressed out that I'm scared I'm going to end up in the hospital because of all the stress and depression until one day i search online on getting love tips because I Love & care about him deeply and I just want us to be together as a couple again and I want us to last forever Google recommend me drolokuntemple@gmail.com that he will solve my relationship problem then Dr olokun told me he will come back to me between 48hrs after he cast spell on him never believe it until my fiance called me on the phone and told me he want us to come back and live happy together forever , Am so happy now that DR olokun, help me bring Johnson back to me. Thanks so much( Dr olokun) his email:drolokuntemple@gmail.

    ReplyDelete
  60. As a diagnosticated BPD, I agree with almost everything said here. Just a question: how often some of the BPD here fantasies with killing someone? Make them fear you? I mean, I think about it, but I almost sure that is more probable to kill myself first that hurt someone (or hurt someone and then kill myself). Just think about it, stimulates me very much. I am a good manipulative liar, but I hate to see people suffer (If they do not deserved it, otherwise I really enjoy it). I have never seen real violence before (war, hunger, extreme violence) but I like to think about it. I am not sure if is because I am bored that I think that, or I am a sadist, or I just need a hit of reality like less afortunated people has everyday. Anyways, does any BPD here feels that need to kill too?
    PS: english is not my native language, sorry for the mistakes.

    ReplyDelete
  61. I am a diagnosed BPD and 31 years old. I have extreme symptoms, and have tried to control them for 10 years. A very difficult task. I wanted to comment on the idea that BPD and aspd are made for each other. I seem to be attracted to those that are aspd, and I only realized it after many years and extremely tumultuous relationships. As a BPD, after the chameleon/ hooking phase, I desperately need my emotions validated. Unfortunately the aspd can only act since they cannot really feel or empathize. The relationships I have with aspd end up violently and crazy for the most part. The worst part about it is that I'm always more drawn to these types of people. The others I grow extremely bored with, and I can drop them with no feeling, no problem. But if someone tries to leave me, even if I'm done with them, I go into hyper emotion even to the point of craziness. I don't feel that BDS and aspds should be together at any rate especially if children are involved. The aspd has absolutely no want to get better, and the BPD, no matter how hard they try, seems to fail at every turn in trying to recover, largely due to their lack of inconsistency.

    ReplyDelete
  62. I have BPD and am married to a sociopath. We have been married for 15 years. It can be the most passionate fulfilling relationship or the hardest one on the planet depending on the day. For the most part I have been extremely loyal though despite his constant cheating and lying to me.
    We always say...we are passionate people...we love passionately and we fight passionately. Sometimes I feel like we are just wearing each other down to nothing but neither of us can leave the intensity and since of possession and control.

    ReplyDelete
  63. I discovered that I'm an empath while researching and trying to figure out a friend/almost-boyfriend who turned out to be a sociopath. He was sweet and harmless, and really a joy to spend time with. (Though I think I particularly enjoyed his company because he just wasn't overwhelming for me like most people are.)

    Anyway, to the point... Years later, having now known several people each with APD and BPD, I would rather hang out with a sociopath than a borderline any day of the week. Sociopaths, in my experience, are usually nice. I used to think that lack if love made someone evil. I certainly don't think that anymore. What makes someone evil is a love of hate, which has been the hallmark of every Borderline I've known.

    Please don't assume I'm judging all Borderlines as evil. It's just that some refuse help or treatment, and grow increasingly toxic. At least to empaths!

    Thanks for sharing this most fascinating blog!

    ReplyDelete
  64. This description of borderline personality disorder sounds totally off to my understanding of it, and my experience as a recently diagnosed sufferer of BPD. I have also been in a relationship with a diagnosed sociopath and I was almost a clear opposite of him. He often described me as an empath - I do care very deeply for other people, my issue is with regulating my emotions - and that is the key part of BPD. Personally, when I experience hurt, I turn it inwards. My first instinct is to self destruct. Over the years I have suffered with anorexia and alcohol abuse - none of which was a cry for attention but a way in which I tried to deal with my self loathing and pain. I only ever displayed manipulative behaviour when reacting to the aforementioned sociopath, because I was terrified of abandonment. It is not something I do in normal relationships. I have no judgement of people who have other personality disorders, such as sociopaths, despite my personal experiences with one as it is a disorder that people suffer from and that with the right therapy, we can reteach ourselves to handle things productively and treat people decently. It is no different to having a physical ailment but I don't think people should embrace their ability to not care and be cruel - it is within all of us to care for others and not leave a path of destruction behind us.

    ReplyDelete
  65. going to sleep soon but i very much wish to express my view of BPD being one of the rarer males fitting in the category. Aside from BPD i have been diagnosed with GAD and depression in my youth. Most of the time i feel as though i am torn between extreme emotionless logic and boredem, while other times i am intensely emotional and hyper stimulated. Although i agree that i am quite selfish , i am in no means proud of it. I have used my emotions to get out of a ton of legal troubles as a teen as playing off a paranoid harmless child was easy with my shaky bodily movements from my anxiety which has been quite prominent lately. Most of the time i feel like a god amongst con men, able to fake tears out of stuffed up emotion from some other issue i have with life and society itself.

    ReplyDelete
  66. At the end of the day the emotions are very real but at the same time tangible to an extent to those of us with BPD who have learned to abuse it in a sense. However, regardless i still find that it is not an abuse of emotions or other but more of a strong sense of self preservation. I am extremely codependent but will never show it unless i do a background check on you first and get to know what your made of through a gauntlet of dark questions and topics. I love jumping straight into rabbit holes when im bored and emotionless which is very common especially when school is off (i am a uni student). without the intelectual stimulation of books and rich information, i become very depressed, bored, suicidal, and switch between phases of heavy empotion followed by a mind numbing feeling of nothingness(it is an emotion on its own to me , emptiness that is). Although i would say that i am very manipulative and ill in nature to others, it is because i have serious trust issues. I do not trust my own family. I spend nights in my room punching holes in the wall out of rage or hovering in a corner shaking in fear. I am truly a very paranoid and anxious individual which makes me feel indifferent to my manipulative generally deviant acts against my enemies. However, regardless of this i have an extreme sense of loyalty over my own logic in fact though i hate to admit it. Although this does seem inconsistent as i lie a lot and am not punctual since i never look at time ( it stresses me the fuck out , pardon my french). All in all , yes as a BPD male i do feel inherently evil and devious at times but always end up rationalizing it through my own intense fear and paranoia. At the end of the day thoguh, i would never hurt anyone without a good or very emotional reason. There is an exception however to this which is the reason i still use. When i become extremely bored and depressed my rage becomes irrational to the point that i feel urges to harm random people passing me by out of some sort of dark self pity and spite for society. Everytime i get that i either get enraged or afraid of myself and end up using a plenty painkillers and alch which ive been trying to get off since my highschool days. I am very interested in learning new ways to cope with this as before i started using this was a huge problem as i got in a ton of shit with the law obviously which i managed to con my way through to light consequences. i do not intend to pursue such a way of living and am trying so hard every day to not think about those thoughts which run rampant in my mind at times. Sometimes i feel like id be better to society as an addict but at the same time my self pity says i am here for great things. maybe that was my ego more so haha. anyways i hope you all dont see me as a piece of shit who is reliant on others as i often choose not to confide with anyone unless they are to become tools to make me feel safe and empowered.Any suggestions and ideas would help a lot since i am in a very open mood after reading very insightful blog posts which make me feel a lot less alone. Although i have a ton of friends i always feel alone in this world. I remember as a child i thought of solipsism and panicked and stayed up for two days trying to deny the fact that i was ultimately alone forever. Obviously i crave for love and care from others but as a male and someone who has prided himself for years of being independent i often choose to be alone or blend in to useful crowds. Any help would be nice aside from the benzos and antidepressants because i am trying to taper off as much meds as possible.

    ReplyDelete
  67. And one more thing is that ive never been i n a real relationship aside from one night stands. i do genuinely feel guilty lying sometimes and i cant bear to hurt more people that i love. I have damaged my family so much already i cant stand to hurt a girlfriend whom i would care for. It would crush me on the inside with guilt and suicidal thoughts. As much as i desire a relationship with a girl i can never do it. I can never say i love her because i know everyone i love ends up getting hurt. It fucking hurts knowing that myself but thats why i steer clear of easily attached girls and veer towards girls more aspd and bpd like myself. regards, the anon from the above two posts. This is another issue i wish i could solve but i dont know if i would ever have the heart to do so. I am very empathetic aside from my phases of cold emotionless rage . hope this helps everyone get a more "full" view on the many types of bpd manifesting itself in the human mind. Its sure as hell interesting to me so i hope it is to you !

    ReplyDelete
  68. My name is Angelica and i am from USA. My husband and i had a very serious issues in our relationship and my husband James filed a divorce and i was not ready for that. A friend of mine introduced me to this spell caster who help me use voodoo to get my husband back to me and he never filed a divorce. All thanks to LORD AZEEZ with the email lordazeez1990@hotmail.com. He can help in any situation

    ReplyDelete
  69. Join me celebrate for these great and perfect day which my lord god has done for using these great and powerful healing doctor called dr zack balo to heal my sickness HIV/AIDS which has been chocking me up for over 1 years now without solutions, i have seek for solutions online, and through hospital, they keep on giving me orientations about drugs that can ex-and my years.now sincedr zack balo has helped me to erased my disease out of my life, i we owe you greatly for healing me truly and to again, contact dr zack balo for hiv cure today: i can also help you with his contact number +2348078927387 or email him wiseindividualspell@gmail.com



    ReplyDelete
  70. The good news is that perhaps only 1 percent of human beings are "paths" (sociopaths/psychopaths). After reading a good part of this excellent blog, it becomes clear to me that perhaps only 1 percent of human beings are "sanes" (people who are not bat shit crazy. (Please don't take this a a recommendation to chow down on guano. It may make great fertilizer for your dandelions and pansies, but it tastes like well any other kind of animal excrement, and may turn you into a vampire. I have not read all of this blog (though I am addicted), but at least 10 percent of the comments have been posted by trolls. How can you stand yourself? Never mind.

    ReplyDelete
  71. i'm a bod woman.

    i'm so intensely attracted to sociopaths...i'm a sociopath magnet!

    i need help :( they end up destroying my life

    please tell me how to deal with them. or how to stop attracting them

    ReplyDelete
  72. JWW: Diagnosed as BPD; but only by comparison to others yet to be diagnosed for their particular proclivities. As a Socio-path you are likely to be the most stable, and predictable person you'll ever meet.

    ReplyDelete

  73. I was diagnosed with a deadly disease for over five years until I met the great spell caster who is Dr.olufalaye who helped me in curing my disease, I was searching through the internet when I saw a testimony on how a great spell caster helped someone in curing his HIV disease, I taught it was a lie until I saw many testimonies on the same man helping them getting rid of their diseases, quickly I emailed him quickly told him of my problems he told me to buy some items which I did, after getting the items he told me that he will be using 40 minutes to cast the spell, I believed him coz I saw many testimonies on how he uses 40minutes to cast a curing spell, truly he finished doing it and asked me to go for a medical checkup, I went to the hospital and do the checkup, brothers and sisters I couldn’t believe what I saw on the result, I rushed down to another hospital it was the same, am very grateful for what Dr.olufalaye did in my life. I will as well tell you people out there living with the same disease or any other deadly disease like CANCER, LIVER PROBLEMS, CHEST PAIN, ALL TYPES OF DEADLY DISEASE you can email him on olufalayespellhome@gmail.com


    ReplyDelete
  74. I am diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar I, and I strongly believe that my ex-husband was a sociopath. Neither of us fully fit the descriptions, however. I am the so-called "quiet borderline" who turns anger inward. I do not have the infamous "borderline rage," and I do not self-harm, apart from negative self-talk. Now on the proper medication for Bipolar, I can see that a lost of my BPD symptoms were actually attributable to Bipolar- particularly impulsivity and sexual risk-taking. For me, BPD is more about being a chameleon and having an unstable or non-existent sense of self apart from others, with a strong fear of abandonment. I did a lot more self-manipulation than manipulation of others. I have a deep sense of justice and can't stand to see people in pain. I once confronted someone who had molested me. I yelled at them and told them how they had destroyed me. The person in question began crying and was clearly distraught. I couldn't stand to see them in pain, so I then proceeded to comfort the person. I know that looks like "push-pull," but it's more complex than that. People who say those with BPD have no empathy do NOT know what they're talking about. Sometimes I *wish* I were a sociopath, just to have some relief.

    As for my ex-husband, I can honestly say he's a good person. For a while, I thought he had Aspergers. He does not lie or manipulate, and he has no violent or criminal inclinations. What he has is a very obvious lack of empathy for anyone. He cried twice in 5 years- once when his grandmother died, and once when I left him. Both times it seemed as if he didn't really know how to cry. It was as if he was just doing what he was supposed to. All of our holiday and anniversary celebrations were the same way. It was as if he just went down a to-do checklist without really feeling anything. My ex-husband is also very intelligent. He changes jobs often, because he keeps working his way up the ladder and transferring to better jobs, with total disregard for his bosses and co-workers. He has very few friends and does not appear to experience loneliness. He also had difficulty connecting sexually. Sex was all about him- he never seemed to understand the importance of making sure I was satisfied. Conversations were limited to the news, work, and the law, as he couldn't grasp the value of philosophy or anything that does not exist in the here and now. I have dated many, many men, and never have I met someone who seemed more robot than human. Despite his deficits, he was a trustworthy and faithful husband, and we are still friends. I'm sure he'll be very successful in his career.

    In some ways, being married to a sociopath was very grounding. I felt safe emotionally, because he very rarely got angry, and he was never cruel with his words. But I felt completely alone in the marriage, and it was heartbreaking that I could better connect emotionally with a random homeless man on the street than my own husband.

    ReplyDelete

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