Wednesday, August 5, 2020

Victoria Part 3 and Next Zoom: Blake and Victoria

Here's a link to the interview with Victoria. We pick up where we left off and talk about all sorts of topics, including fear of death and primary and secondary emotions. 

Here's the invite for this Sunday:

M.E. Thomas is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

Topic: Blake and Victoria 
Time: Aug 9, 2020 11:00 AM Pacific Time (US and Canada)

Join Zoom Meeting

Meeting ID: 748 1015 4919
Passcode: DwA26L


  1. I didn't have time to mention that I had shockingly minimal side effects from chemotherapy. Granted, I am young, and I am your stereotypical Asian skinny bitch, but my doctors said taking these in account it’s still surprisingly minimal. I believe it has something to do with my sociopathy. I firmly believe in the opposite of placebo effects which is called the "nocebo effects", I think people dreaded chemotherapy so much that their fear may have manifested in physical symptoms and made it worse. One of the most profound side effects are nausea and loss of appetite. I have problems recognizing hunger and satiety anyway, so even though my stomach felt a little funny (didn't really register as nausea), I did not take the anti-nausea meds they prescribed, yet I was eating just fine. People said not to eat your favorite food during chemotherapy as you will end up hating those food for the negative memory associated with those food. I don't have such problem either. I also did not take any pain meds after my mastectomy. I was confused when I heard the patient next door wailing during my overnight stay at the hospital. My surgeon was petrified when she saw me at the follow-up office visit because I already pulled out the drain tubes and stitches at home on my own. Oopsie.

    Before I started chemotherapy, I had a chemo-port installed. A chemo-port is a central venous catheter that allows the chemo drugs to directly enter your heart where it will be diluted (to avoid repeated concentrated toxicity if you were to use veins in the arms for access). Standard procedures for chemo-port installation surgery is they’ll give you local anesthetics and sedation. They were shocked when I requested not to be sedated. I explained that I’d prefer to be sharp for the rest of the day because I had to supervise a junior scientist later that day and I had a publication submission due the next day. And then I told them it smells exactly like when I perform surgeries on rats. They had a good laugh!

  2. Fascinating. Have you considered Victoria that you may be brave. This is not in my understanding unknown in sociopaths. The impulsiveness and disregard for rules is howevercommon. I always look at needles when having injections but that maybe because I was caught out at the dentist. Distracting kids when giving medication is common. Left me wary of medics.

    1. Not so much brave, it's more about being obsessive-compulsive towards seeking control, knowing everything that's going on and staying on top of it. The only part I was worried about my mastectomy surgery was losing consciousness under general anesthesia (of course I asked if I had the option to not be under, the answer was no). Same thing with my fear of dying (eternal loss of consciousness).

      Pulling out drain tubes and stitches myself was just a matter of avoiding inconvenience. Why go to the hospital for something I could do within 2 minutes at home? I have shoplifted several times for the same reason-- not gonna wait in a long line to pay for something under $10.


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