Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Vulnerability

I was reading this passage by David Whyte on vulnerability and wondered, do sociopaths experience vulnerability ever?

Vulnerability is not a weakness, a passing indisposition, or something we can arrange to do without, vulnerability is not a choice, vulnerability is the underlying, ever present and abiding undercurrent of our natural state. To run from vulnerability is to run from the essence of our nature, the attempt to be invulnerable is the vain attempt to become something we are not and most especially, to close off our understanding of the grief of others. More seriously, in refusing our vulnerability we refuse the help needed at every turn of our existence and immobilize the essential, tidal and conversational foundations of our identity.

To have a temporary, isolated sense of power over all events and circumstances, is a lovely illusionary privilege and perhaps the prime and most beautifully constructed conceit of being human and especially of being youthfully human, but it is a privilege that must be surrendered with that same youth, with ill health, with accident, with the loss of loved ones who do not share our untouchable powers; powers eventually and most emphatically given up, as we approach our last breath.

The only choice we have as we mature is how we inhabit our vulnerability, how we become larger and more courageous and more compassionate through our intimacy with disappearance, our choice is to inhabit vulnerability as generous citizens of loss, robustly and fully, or conversely, as misers and complainers, reluctant and fearful, always at the gates of existence, but never bravely and completely attempting to enter, never wanting to risk ourselves, never walking fully through the door.

I think the answer must be that they do in fact experience vulnerability, in the sense that this in this life no one or nothing is invulnerable. I think to the extent that they feel it, it must be like so many of their feelings -- dull and contextless and over just as quickly as the experience that produced it is over. There are probably exceptions. I certainly have felt a little... traumatized? I guess is the word I am thinking. Gun shy? After some of the more serious setbacks I have experienced, I have experienced a more pronounced awareness of my vulnerability in the world -- a lack of ability to predict, to control, or to deal with what's happening to me. So yes, definitely a situational awareness style awareness of vulnerability in the sense that we're all mortals. And what about an emotional vulnerability?

189 comments:

  1. I have experienced enough setbacks to give myself something like a sense of humility or vulnerability.

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    1. How about a sense that you're doing something wrong?

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    2. There is a difference between knowing something is considered wrong and feeling guilt about it. To the extent that I care about whether something is wrong, it is because I want to avoid the consequences.

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  2. I feel the social world around me allows a level of comfort. There are always a couple of these demented humans about but in the most it's alright. I feel most vulnerable if I'm going into a situation where I might lose face. This fortunately doesn't happen often and its usually of my own construction but the people game and keeping up with it all can become low priority at times.

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    1. I am much the same. When it comes to the people game. I prefer to fin the outcast in the group and work then to my advantage. I rarely need to have a solid foot in the door in relation to the group structure and history because the outcast doesn't really get involved with them. i can easily manipulate the loner into doing what I want.

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    2. That's very calculating although i cant see the long term benefit of grouping with outcasts. Also, it's not my game and at 38, I'm currently shutting down most of my relationships and definitely those which are not useful

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    3. This is true, but the short term benefits exist and that is what I am looking for. I have my group of friends that at least for now will be long term. I am 22 years old and this group has been benefiting me for the past year and will continue to so for the foreseeable future or until I find a more beneficial group.

      As for the vulnerable social outcast. I do my research and find one with a successful brother or sister, sometimes even a mother or father, that will be so appreciative of me being friends with the social outcast. I use them for my purposes for a while and then throw them out along with their Social Outcast family member. The vulnerable people are usually the easiest to manipulate. Not that I don't like a challenge....

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    4. Hmmm. "throw them out" seems so dramatic now that I read it back to myself. Discard would be a more appropriate term.

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    5. I'm only 16 years older man but I've exhausted the benefits of other now. Almost to the point of self castration to remove any natutal urges towards external physical stimulation. If it weren't for these hardwired drives to fuck i could live happily wothout any form of desire.

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    6. That would be lovely. Breed out the sociopaths from the gene pool how wonderful. I've heard all the arguments for their role in society, it's honestly unconvincing. Sure they're useful as our leaders, but they're also the catalysts of much of the conflict that requires such leaders. Sociopaths are basically only needed because other sociopaths exist. So please do so, and encourage your friends as well! Cheers

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  3. Wonderful description of vulnerability: not a weakness but a recognition we have needs.

    Over the past two years, I've learnt to acknowledge my own needs. The funny thing is that the vulnerable feeling disappears once that is done, melting into pragmatic action: once we recognise we need something, we can plan and proceed. Or let it go.

    Regarding **-*, I suspect he experiences vulnerability but perhaps differently. He agreed with a correlation between his "sensitivity" and his craving for sexual fantasies.

    Game playing and manipulation might well also be strategies for transforming vulnerability into experiences of mastery or victory.

    We are all highly social organisms.

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  4. "Vulnerability is not a weakness, a passing indisposition, or something we can arrange to do without, vulnerability is not a choice, vulnerability is the underlying, ever present and abiding undercurrent of our natural state. To run from vulnerability is to run from the essence of our nature, the attempt to be invulnerable is the vain attempt to become something we are not and most especially, to close off our understanding of the grief of others."

    Aside from the last part . . . being vulnerable, showing one's fears and weaknesses, is a many splendid phenomena. Lovers who show their soft spots seduce us with their humanity.

    Anyway, gaming never really satisfies deeper yearnings of wanting to make a true and uplifting impact, to alter the course of life in the most positive, creative way.

    Just saying.

    Mr. Hyde

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    1. WOW! That was very true and sounds very heartfelt, Iam kinda shocked to see such a post like this at SociopathWorld, but it is true, especially when you talk about the lovers you have that seduce you with their humanity- you articulated that beautifully! Way better than i could have!

      I hope to see more posts from you Mr.Hyde!

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    2. Heart is all I got left, Richie. So it goes.

      Thanks. Uber empath indeed. :-D

      Mr. Hyde

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    3. That is a good thing! More and more it seems like people are sorely lacking in honesty of how they truly feel, so when you see something like what you wrote (at Sociopathworld of all places lol) you can really relate to it if you have been lucky enough to have felt that way about someone before.

      I think it is good to express yourself like you have and a lot of people can relate, and look at their current or past relationships and experience it/ remember it fondly.

      Its always good to reflect on beautiful experiences like that, and it proves your own humanity in the process (as long as one is capable, unfortunatly some sociopaths cant feel love in the way most others experience it (All of that is rooted in a lack of empathy for others and when you lack empathy for others such as the tragic cases of born psychopaths it makes it almost impossible, and probably is impossible for some to feel connection or love towards any form of vulnerability or humanity in another person, except if they want to exploit it for their gain in some way).

      I like to read your posts I hope you have become a regular poster because Ive decided to come talk again after not posting for a few years (I posted before M.E released her book) and its always good to have some people you can relate to while you are on this website and compare what everybody thinks and how they personally feel about it.

      That's the most interesting part of this site for me personally :)

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    4. Richie,

      Flattery is always nice. :D

      Actually, I've posted on SW for a while now. And have read some of your posts from previous years. And yes, this site is interesting for all the reasons you name. Especially now with Trump as Prez. ;))

      As for "sociopaths cant feel love in the way most others experience it . . ." That appears to be true. But then, who can say what love really is or feels like for anyone but ourselves -- we all think that the way we love is the way others love, too. We delude ourselves into thinking we're some kind of authority on which words and actions constitute 'love.' For some, being loved means getting showered with gifts and constant adoration. For others, it's the small kindnesses, being understood and accepted for who they are, warts and all.

      In any case, I don't fault sociopaths for not being able to love others the way I do. It's actually rather interesting on many levels. Where I draw the line is doing actual harm. It's not harmful not to love people in the particular way they want, so long as you are honest about being incapable. Seems that socios really want to be authentic and acknowledged as part of humanity. Course, that would mean cultivating a certain self-restraint. I understand the love of gaming and pretending; but where does that get a person in any kind of personal relationship?

      No where I want to be.

      I'd rather be clear as glass. Transparent and open to the winds of change.

      When someone shows their foibles, can laugh at themselves, I'm charmed.

      Mr. Hyde

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    5. Herr UberEmpath Richie,

      "That is a good thing! More and more it seems like people are sorely lacking in honesty of how they truly feel,"

      On point. :) People are afraid to express the full range of their conscious thoughts, let alone their subconscious rumblings. So it goes under the volcano. :D

      "so when you see something like what you wrote (at Sociopathworld of all places lol)

      Heh heh. Thank you. :))

      "you can really relate to it if you have been lucky enough to have felt that way about someone before."

      I've been lucky. And "lucky." As in the Chinese saying, "Interesting times."

      "I think it is good to express yourself like you have and a lot of people can relate, and look at their current or past relationships and experience it/ remember it fondly."

      Hope and believe so. But from what I've gathered from working first hand with some socios, is that they can "love" you and still not call 911 when you need help. That's what can happen when you reject a socio.

      "Its always good to reflect on beautiful experiences like that, and it proves your own humanity in the process..."

      I'm lucky and cursed with my particular gifts: Same as everybody, every sentient, suffering speck. :D

      "(as long as one is capable, unfortunatly some sociopaths cant feel love in the way most others experience it (All of that is rooted in a lack of empathy for others and when you lack empathy for others such as the tragic cases of born psychopaths it makes it almost impossible, and probably is impossible for some to feel connection or love towards any form of vulnerability or humanity in another person, except if they want to exploit it for their gain in some way).

      I've been thinking about this. I don't believe that all socios want or need to exploit to justify their evolutionary existence. All life forms enjoy adventures with other beings who are self aware and can relate, however weirdly, to each other. My own cat still draws blood: You can take cat out of the alley -- you cannot take the alley out of the cat. BB is first and foremost his own beast.

      However, more and more footage appears on Youtube and other sites showing interspecies tenderness, playfulness, dare I say, love. I believe, think and feel that the essence of life strives for enlightened connection. All for one; All is one.

      "I like to read your posts I hope you have become a regular poster"

      Ditto. I'm game. ;))

      Mr. Hyde

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    6. You are right about everyone has a different feeling and interpretation of what love is, the commitment (or lack thereof) how close they value their partner, and also how the other person feels about love themselves.

      I also have no problem with nonpredatory NPD or APD, because I have seen such conditions also rise from head injuries. I have a very traumatic brain injury, and it happened in the custody of my father, we were playing baseball catch when I was young and I didnt know my older cousin was a pitcher and he threw the ball so fast he said it bounced 30-40 feet.

      My father was gone for some reason and my aunt never took me to the hospital but it hit the right frontal lobe on my right side as if you looked at me face to face it would be on the right side of my head right above my eye. It was a hematoma I believe from my brain bleeding into my head.

      an old methadone clinic doctor asked me about it (Most cant see it I have had people who have known me for 5 years before they notice it so it dosent stick out much anymore but in the beginning it was like an egg.

      I have certain symptoms of TBI but they would be considered mild by a doctor iam still able to function and work and whatnot.

      I was instructed not to tell my mother until she saw me get off the plane in person, she was horrified!!!!

      I think I may have impaired abilities but i also used marijuana 4-5 times a day and am on Suboxone (a strong painkiller) and Xanax 4mgs a day and 30mg of temazepam to sleep plus I drink so I may be very departed from "normal" feelings of love although they feel pretty much the same to me Just not as intense!

      Are you an empath yourself? Or do you have any disorders if you dont mind me asking? I have Panic Disorder With Agoraphobia.

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  5. M.E.-

    I loved this post, and the link with David Whyte.

    Thank you.:)

    "I think to the extent that they feel it, it must be like so many of their feelings -- dull and contextless and over just as quickly as the experience that produced it is over."

    This resonated with me, as it seems to be my husband's experience.

    I would be interested to know more, about when you possibly felt traumatized and/or gun shy.

    ~Vegas

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  6. North-

    You were mentioning something previously, regarding **-*'s behavior post-sex.

    Would you mind sharing that again?

    ~Vegas

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    1. Hi Vegas,

      I think I wrote earlier about the afterglow experience. We will often lie together and he looks radiant, relaxed and happy. It will be intimate for a while but he will soon start speaking of other things that interest or delight him, as if that warmth has dissipated away from just the two of us. I, naturally, still feel glowing and radiant toward him :p It's quite funny.

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    2. Hi North-

      Thank you, for sharing that again.:)

      What is he like, once he gets out of bed???

      Is he pretty "productive"???

      ~Vegas

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    3. PS-When you said "afterglow", it made me think of Everclear's "So Much For The Afterglow" album...

      :)

      ~Vegas

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    4. PPS-I saw Everclear at a festival, and when they were onstage, it was funny how so many women, suddenly became "topless"...

      :)

      ~Vegas

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    5. Productive? Usually in the morning he freaks out that his son will turn up unannounced and tries to bundle me out the door after a cup of tea.

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    6. Hi North-

      Seriously???

      I wasn't here when you told your story. I thought he moved out, so that he could be with you, and that his wife and son knew...

      ~Vegas

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    7. Au contraire. We started dating after he moved out and we have separate lives. I see him once or twice a week which suits me to t. All the good bits, you see :p. I don't want to align my life and choices to anyone else at the moment.

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  7. Thank you, check income tax status and epf claim status here.
    LIC policy
    EPFO claim status
    Income Tax Refund

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  8. I thought David Whyte's "Sweet Darkness" poem was beautiful.:)

    I'm still on my George Michael "kick".:)

    I think this song with Elton John, is beautiful, too...

    DontLetTheSunGoDownOnMe

    ~Vegas

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  9. Vulnerability = failure. 'nuff said.

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  10. Being invulnerable = winning. This is such a great post. Personally it strikes to the core of how empathy is reciprocated . To see humanity in others is to see it in ourselves.

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    1. "To see humanity in others is to see it in ourselves."

      Very well said.

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    2. Agree! Amazing post! Thank you.

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    3. To detest humanity in yourself is to detest all man.

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  11. Hello there, fellow shit-disturbers,

    I hope you all had a splendid new year.

    I've wanted to partake in your conversations for a while now -- I suppose the timing was never right. The process of muting all the external noise in your life to actually sit down and gather your thoughts is particularly challenging (at least for me it is). I'm quite glad I'm taking the time to do it today.

    Hmm, where do I start? I am indeed your classic high-functioning sociopath. I grew up in the South and graduated from college with a degree in Finance & Economics. I'm now engaged, living in the Midwest, and working as an Investment Specialist with a Fortune 500 company. I’m attempting to cast a hint of normalcy to my elaborate life – if you can’t tell.

    Growing up, I never really understood my decision-making process. I've always been exceptionally attractive, charming, intelligent, quick-witted, and ruthless. I'm a hermit, but also undoubtedly the life of the party -- when I decide to show up. I've always been evil -- but like Thomas alluded to -- in a perfectly rational way. Manipulation and pathological lying are my breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Remorse and social norms are foreign. I’m unimaginably lazy, pretentious, and impulsive. From the ages of 15 – 21, my life was particularly negligent – at one point, in college, I had eight different charges on my record. The charges are long gone – as is the absent-mindedness that caused them.


    My fiancée is also a sociopath. I like to think of us as Frank & Claire Underwood -- on a varying level with less significance of course. She’s (almost) as witty as me, supremely intelligent, elegant, and calculated. We understand each other’s needs. One day after reading your book, I completely opened up to her, admitting many immoral acts and vices I’m ashamed of. She opened up to me too, and it completely transformed our relationship. Two weeks later I find myself buying her a gold engagement ring, and getting down on one knee. Crazy shit. Opening up to someone felt inexplicably good. She has significantly improved my outlook on life and the future – as has your book Mrs. Thomas. I look forward to strategically harnessing my potentially harmful traits.

    Confessions of a Sociopath was funny, thorough, and enlightening. My fiancée and mother enjoyed it as well. Speaking of my mother, she is having a tough time understanding that sociopathy is incurable, not necessarily an entirely bad thing, and why there’s disconnect between my decision-making and emotions. After reading Confessions of a Sociopath, it felt as if I had found some proverbial key that I’d been destined to search for since birth (dramatic, right?). I knew I was different, and in many ways, superior, relative to my peers – but quite honestly, I had never quite come to terms with my lack of conscience until a significant period of deep introspection. I believe reading your book was impactful. My self-destructive habits and self-loathing are at an all-time-low. I respect your self-awareness and meticulousness above all else. I believe we’d definitely enjoy each other’s minds.

    My initial plan was to outline numerous instances – honest to god, I have hundreds -- in which my sociopathy was apparent, and maybe, just maybe, someone would give me the slightest confirmation. Surprisingly enough, I truly do not feel the need to do that. I do indeed want to share details with my fellow sociopaths though – I welcome conversation and look forward to learning about the intricacies of your lives.

    Stay Golden.

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    1. Self-loathing?

      Narc. XD

      Just kidding.

      I hear you.

      I'm surprised you opened up to your mother. Did you inherit the motherlode of your sociopathic traits from your father?

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    2. I wish you could have wrote the 100's of antisocial and psychopathic things you did, but in Case Study form EXACTLY like Hervey Cleckley's case studies of psychopaths in "The Mask of Sanity" (Its online pdf book form is free if you choose to read it) and if you get a bit bored in the beginning of the book skip to the individual case studies, those are the best part of the book!

      I wanna read your case study as if you were Hervey Cleckley writing about yourself LOLOLOL


      Good for you on the coming out and making your relationship stronger! Just be careful with those sociopathic women, they are a handful!!!! Erratic behavior, Infidelity, and a lack of empathy drag from relationship to relationship or as cleckley would say "They engage in a neverending string of affairs and their sex life is impersonal, trivial, and poorly integrated" (lol Shout out to Cleckley!)

      It must be easier to handle a sociopathic woman if you are also sociopathic so maybe that changes something in the relationship compared to the whole "Sociopath dating an Empath" nightmare.


      Congrats on your recent engagement, and start drawing up a prenup with your lawyer ASAP, but you already know to do that especially if you are working for a Fortune 500 company, good for you on that too! Seems like you turned out fine to me, had a rough patch in your teens and early 20s but alot of people do/did including myself.

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    3. What the? What..? WHAT, WHAT THE FUCK???
      NO! Just, just fucking NO!
      The fuck?

      A, you gargantuan ginger ape, what the fucking fuck like???!!!
      Oh, I fucking see, I strut on here all 'uh, yuh, like, I'm a sociopath man, and I'm like badass as a right mofo and I'm like, the shit'...and you drop your massive pants, spread your considerable ass cheeks and shit all over me (Hugh Rose ivy, you should of been there dude, it was awesome, A was on fire, it was, poetry. In the zone, in, the, zone), but some tosser pops up, proclaiming to be 'the one', and in you go, buddy buddy, bb fucking fs, virtual hugs and fucking kisses.
      You make me sick.
      It's one thing to be a tuskless mammoth hiding behind the poster girl pin up, but this, this is obscene.
      Am I seriously going to have to start following Adam/Anonymous around? Have you any idea how fucking mind numbing that would be? DO YOU??! no. No you don't, because you're too busy lowering yourself slowly to the ground to get on your massive caveman paws and sniff Ivy Roses ass.

      Rich the empath, really enjoying your posts, you deserve a medal. Maybe a shiny one so you can reflect all your sunshine in our eyes to blind us from the way you so dearly empathise with all so you can basically waffle on about yourself. Commendable, I'm sure the Hairy Manbeast will tell you how wonderful it is to have you back, incase everyone isn't pristine clear on the fact that you've been here before (before the book was written dontchya know), maybe you should tell them all again.

      Mic drop.


      Uh, vulnerable people rule.
      I banged a retarded girl once. She wouldn't let me finish in her mouth though. So I came on the window and just left nature take its course.

      Hey Vegas ;)

      Delete
    4. Hold up, dearly empathize? That is my normal personality, of course someone who has written the post you have wrote is aimed at some aim maybe getting a response that is hostile but iam not upset i just wonder why you take a post and write nothing but the bad about people you have never met?

      You sound very paranoid. I still like you though, have no reason not to because you may be having a bad day, and we all have those bud! :)

      Delete
    5. @RichlyEmpathic, what was hostile about that? You caught me on a good day my friend. As nice as it is to hear dew drops and daisys on here, it's massively tedious, but, I like you to bud.
      Even though I wasn't knocking around on here before the book came out.
      I'm not paranoid. Am I???
      It's only paranoia if you're wrong.
      I think someone is stealing my paranoia tablets.

      In fairness EnRichment, there's only one person on here I have any interest in getting a hostile response from, because that person makes me laugh, but unfortunately, 'she' has succumbed to the lovey dover shit.
      'tis a sad day y'all.

      Ivy Rose, know the feeling mate, I was told to read the book because of obvious traits, and found myself looking round whilst reading, thinking, this crazy bitch, she fucking *knows* me, where is she???!
      Welcome to the party Miss Rose.

      Hey Vegas ;)

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    6. Hey, Swop!!!

      WTF???

      A succumbed to "lovey dovey" shit???

      I haven't been gone THAT LONG...

      HA!!! LOL!!!

      :)

      ~Vegas

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    7. Hey, Swop!!!

      PS-How was the retarded girl "overall"???

      :)

      ~Vegas

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    8. Hey, Swop!!!

      Man, I've had no response from M.E., and now I find out you like A, and retarded girls...

      I need to recover...

      :(

      ~Vegas

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    9. Ah Vegas, you'll always be number one you know that.
      The retarded girl was a window licker joke, but it's ok.
      Now now, you know it's a respect thing with A...I could never fall for a bearded man.

      Delete
    10. Hey Swop!!!

      "Ah Vegas, you'll always be number one you know that."

      I like that, even though I know you say it, to all the girls.:)

      "I could never fall for a bearded man."

      What could you "fall for"???

      :)

      ~Vegas

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    11. Oh, ffs, swop, you over-eager beaver. Just let me do my thang, will ya? Sometimes there is a method to my madness.

      But you're right. I could have called him a self-aggrandizing cliché, who is trying *WAY* too hard to sound as though he walked straight out of the pages of the DSM, to blow us all away with the super-stinky-sociopathic flatulence issued straight outta his rosebud-- but I was trying to be... nice?

      You know. The way I might shave, especially for you. ;)

      Delete
    12. But, but, but...but I like the Hairy Manbeast analogies.
      Fine.
      But it's been 9 days, if your evil plan needs time to hatch, it's incubating well.

      I'd like to imagine you mean to, shave, especially for me, but unfortunately, as we know, you probably mean your back more than your, y'know, like, ladybits. Silverback.
      Fine, play your games, when you're done being nice to the newbies, I'll be over here, waiting on the edge of my seat.

      Hey Vegas ;)

      Delete
    13. You are right, I think i did take a couple of paranoid pills lol.

      Also, Iam glad I caught you on a good day!

      Happy Friday the 13th :)

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    14. yaaaay friday the 13th haha do you believe in bad luck an stuff like that? :)

      alice

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    15. I believe in Karma for sure!!!!! Iam not very superstitious or anything like that but I firmly believe in Karma.

      Delete
  12. What a great site; I found this after some phisher video'd me wanking and I wanted to find a link to show him/he/them that they were trying to bite a shark... bored of that now: I am a diagnosed ASPD BPD and NPD.... do finding this is aces. If a couple of fangirls wanna sort out getting me to them, then maybe we could make a proper freaky video for them to "send out to {my} friends andcrelatives" I am in the UK, but ok for (business class) worldwide travel to make some movies that will make these guys pack in their scam and go home x

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    1. Revenge is tiresome is it not?

      Delete
    2. Monty bro how did someone get a video of you jerking off?

      Also,you are diagnosed with AsPD,BPD, and NPD?!?!?!? HOLD SHIT!!!!! I know there is a lot of overlap in the Axis 2 cluster B personality disorders but to have 3 of them, especially the ones you have, are like a perfect storm.

      Honestly, it must be hard for you to know YOURSELF with that many personality disorders.

      Do you think all of your diagnoses are accurate? Iam not questioning what the doctors told you iam just curious if you agree with them on having the all of the PD's they have diagnosed you with.

      Also be careful, revenge can spiral out of control real quick (not that i dont love some good revenge though lol)

      Delete
  13. The problem with vulnerability is that it can lead to desperation. Once somebody becomes desperate they will defy their morals, ethics, intelligence and Common Sense to commit the most despicable actions you can imagine. That's why they're so many drug addicts in the county jails

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    1. Yes, that is true Iam a 28 year old guy dependent on prescriptions like Suboxone, Xanax and Temazepam.

      I used to post here daily 5 years ago when I was on a Methadone program,but have since switched to suboxone to quell my withdrawals and scratch that itch inside of my brain.

      I wasent using cannabis for a couple years so i could get take home methadone but when a shitty thing happened at the clinic unrelated to weed i decided to leave the methadone clinic setting and go to a doctors office for suboxone instead.

      Dont get me wrong I was on 110mgs a day of methadone for 7 years straight (and years before sporadically) but some shit uninvolved with cannabis happened and i decided to leave and get on suboxone, the first month or so i was miserable but you adjust to it.

      I asked my doctor (a very honest nice woman) why I was feeling so bad even after a month and she told me straight up that "Patients on high dose methadone for years like you usually all have a VERY rough transition on to Suboxone", I appreciated her honesty.

      I never would steal for drug money and stuff like that (I have always manipulated doctors or paid crooked doctors to write me OxyContin, Roxicodone, OxyDose liquid, Xanax, Klonopin, ETC.......) but it was worse because i would obtain a month supply and blow through it in 2-3 weeks, leaving me in severe acute opiate withdrawal for an average of 10 days a month, I turned 21 and have either been on Methadone or Suboxone until now, Iam now 28. They damn sure are NOT a cure but they manage your addiction problem if you take them as prescribed.

      Yes, I know Iam still physically dependent on the medication that I take now, but Iam not considered an addict. I know it sounds like a paradox but addiction and dependence are two different things.

      One thing I can say is that addicts do not belong in jail, but when they violate the laws (other than possession for narcotics) some addicts will do anything for a "fix", others dont and would rather suffer withdrawal than stealing or any other things addicts do support themselves.

      I think that our jails are filled with people who should not be there and some have been for decades, unfortunatley. Iam not talking about the violent offenders, Iam talking about drug addicts and small time dealers (Who alot of times are only selling because they cannot get a legit job and/or need to support their habit without violence or violating others in some way such as stealing) who are thrown behind bars into a place that most likely exacerbate the persons desire for drugs, especially if physical dependence and/or addiction are part of the picture.

      The only better way i know is rehabilitation, maintenance, detox, or straight up prevention. Prevention obviously dosent work for everyone. Incarceration only puts addicts in a worse place where they do not fit in and seldom get any help from anyone other than themselves. Its sad to me...........

      Delete
  14. Hey, M.E.!!!

    I SEE A FUNNY TWEET!!!

    Thank you.:)

    This one's for you:

    Aretha Franklin & George Michael

    IKnewYouWereWaitingForMe

    :)

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, M.E.!!!

      I LOVE YOUR TWEETS!!!

      That last one, TOTALLY CRACKED ME UP!!!

      :)

      Here's another song for you:

      Jimmy Eat World

      SureAndCertain

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. Hey, M.E.!!!

      PS-Every time I read your last tweet, I LOL again!!!

      :)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  15. The James Moriarty character (from the modern Sherlock Holmes tv-drama), is he the ultimate fictive fusion between a psychopath and a zodiac-Scorpio, a so called "scorpiopath"? A thing far worse than "only" a bad socio..?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "A scopiopath."

      Can I steal that?

      You crack me up.

      Mr. Hyde

      Delete
    2. Some Scorpio people are mellow & "closed", but folks in that sign with visible psychopathic character make the ordinary socio seem small and pale. A thing so very human, after all. I think "scorpiopaths" sees the socio as rather needy & annoying: so longing for the close company they never can have, and forever in denial of this..

      Delete
  16. Hey, M.E.!!!

    I know I've already said this, but I had to say it again:

    Every time I read your last tweet, I bust out laughing!!!

    HA!!! LOL!!!

    YOU ROCK!!!

    :)

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PS-I know I can get "funnies" anywhere, but I like yours THE BEST!!!

      You SO KNOW, my sense of humor!!!

      :)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. PPS-You make me smile.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  17. Somewhat related to vulnerability, here's what I've found tends to happen when my interests and **_*'s do not align. No two people's interests will ever fully align - enter conflict resolution strategies.

    My style is to find common ground, find a win-win solution. His is not that and our differing styles mean things that might be easily resolved turn brutal. I feel he is not having any regard for me whatsoever, that he's making no investment at all. I find it stressful and I can lose my temper.

    M.E.'s Do sociopaths love? post came to mind. She wrote:

    A sociopath will never put you above himself, but he will readily put you above all others.

    I've complained previously that he simply refuses to negotiate. He does. If I try to negotiate a win-win, he digs his heels in. On one occasion he has incredibly cruel. Ultimately though, he does come around, forgets the conflict easily, even laughs about it and teases me about my temper. I don't think he is out to hurt me, I don't think that's his objective.

    So I tried to see things from his perspective in light of M.E.'s statement.

    Seems pretty simple. He experiences my trying to find common ground (and he finished my sentence when I put it to him) as me attempting to pull him off his ground. Of trying to change him. Of forcing him to make a plan where he hates plans.

    I think that stubbornness, that refusal to budge, is a way of protecting advantage or even just status quo. In other words, my attempts at common ground threaten his position and feel just as much an infringement on who he is as his rejection of the common ground approach feels like complete disregard for my being. In other words again, it's a strategy to mitigate vulnerability that each of us faces on a daily basis in our highly social world.

    I asked him for strategies that might work in these situations. He said: don't try to change him (I didn't think I was, but I guess that's how he experiences it); don't try to make him plan (this has a lot to do with expectation management for him); provide options.

    It was a helpful discussion to have with him. It makes me feel he does value me in some way and that allows me trust him a little more.

    It's an important thing to realise, to be honest, because it's the strange ways of dealing vulnerability that completely flummox and exasperate neurotypicals. Don't even get me started on how he deals with his concern I might sleep with other people, lol.

    I'm interested - especially from those with neurotypical partners - in how you deal with misaligned interests in situations where you want to keep the relationship? What are some positive things that aid resolution (i.e. things to do rather than just things to avoid.)

    Cheers

    Oh, and for reference, here are a couple of good resources on conflict resolution using animal analogies:

    About Conflict Resolution [PDF, 4 pages (designed for teaching kids but useful nonetheless)]

    TURTLE, TEDDY BEAR, SHARK, FOX, OR OWL? [2 min read]

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hey, SE-

    Are you there???

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, SE-

      I was just wondering if you watched "A Christmas Story" during the holidays, and if you saw the "leg lamp", I was talking about...

      :)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. Hey, Vegas -

      That's definitely an interesting-looking lamp...

      Do people touch your "leg lamps", when they visit, and see them?

      :)

      Delete
    3. Hey, SE-

      "interesting-looking lamp"???

      IT' A HOT LAMP!!!

      HA!!! LOL!!!

      :)

      People notice the lamps and smile.:) Sometimes they know what movie they're from, and sometimes they ask about them.:)

      I haven't seen anyone "feel them up", like Ralphie does, in the movie.

      Mine isn't as large, as the one in the movie.:( It is a smaller "side table" size.:) I also have a plug-in nightlight, which is really small.:)

      HA!!! LOL!!!

      :)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    4. Hey, SE-

      PS-Did you watch the movie???

      :)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    5. Hey, Vegas -

      Well, of course it's hot, when it's turned on!

      :)

      The lamp does look interesting, though...

      :)

      Oh, you just gotta know if I watched it, now do you?
      .
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      Yes. Yes I did. :)

      :)

      Delete
    6. Hey Vegas -

      PS -

      I bet people thought about "feeling up" your "leg lamps", like Ralphie did, in the movie...

      :)

      Delete
  19. As for emotional vulnerability. With some you can be vulnerable with without it sacrificing your dignity.... but sadly with some you just can't. Power dynamics tends to plays itself out. I think it's a reflex of the subconscious with some. What they themselves have been through. My husband deserves my vulnerability because he's proved time and again that it was never used against me. I love when he's vulnerable. And he's definitely an Alpha male willing to show those sides with few.

    ReplyDelete
  20. He only has eyes for his goddess he says, I'm his mistress. 2 in 1 we like to call it, haha! Whether I'm being vulnerable or feisty. Being a wife is boring I tell him but the role is needed in circumstances. I'm coming to like it more. Just for commitment reasons .... but I can't help feeling vulnerable in this role at times.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hey, M.E.!!!

    The "Song of the Day" is for you, of course!!!

    MGMT

    ElectricFeel

    :)

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PS-

      I love the lyrics.:)

      :)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  22. I have a question regarding my partner who was diagnosed with NPD and who shows traits of sociopathy. This diagnosis was formed when he went into rehab for alcohol and crack cocaine addictions - although he didnt complete the course as the clinic itself thought the treatment (therapist sessions etc) could prove to be more harmful than healing, due to an abusive father as a child. He has been clean for 3.5 months of both coke and alcohol - well done him! But i digress....my question. Since thw brief therapy and a short time prior, he began to adopt a self reflection technique that enables him to step back and consider his words or actions. I have noticed a co sodrra le change in his ability to control a possible "rage" situation. He states that he loves me deeply and finds it hard to explain to himself these new feelings and sensations of love, but he says he feels quite elated and eightened in recent months. Now he has always proclaimed to love me, but he states these feelings are new and exciting to him. He is going through quite a life crisis, bank repossessing his house, a mountain of debt (thousands!!!). He was jailed recently pe ding trial for accusations for rape a year ago (prior to my time). Although there is video footage showing williness from the other party - so it is likely charfes will be dripped shortly.

    Could these recent breakdowns in his life be contributing to some new found self reflection of who he is and a want to change or better himself?

    I receive endless love letters where he tells me of his struggles in his mind, which he states doesnt stop racing etc. He informs me i make him feel like he wants to be a better person, et .

    Should i even believe he loves me sincerely?

    I informed him before his NPD diagnosis i believed him to have NPD and he stated then he thought he had these "traits" and laughed. What are your thoughts? I believe the diagnosis to be correct. He ticks almost all the boxes. I just dont know at what level his NPD is..

    ReplyDelete
  23. Apologies for the typos. Oddly, these did not show when i previewed. Site fuckery at work... lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will add, he consisers himself to be an alpha male and likes control, i actually tease him jokingly about this (i am quite a strong minded woman and very people observant) but the last months, including prior to jail, he appears to be showing a more vulnerble side. Could it be these crisises happening in his life are a "narcisstic injury" and a reaction as such. Or could it be the case he is having a sort of reawakening and a desire to help/change himself? I would be interested to hear thoughts on this and my lengthy (sorry!) post above

      Delete
    2. Lets see here, He has NPD (First red flag to run) secondly, has he been clean and sober for 3.5 months because he WANTS to be or because he is getting drug tested and faces penalties if he fails?!?!?!

      (Above you can read about my addiction and yes i have used crack cocaine many times and drink daily so if u want a serious answer ask me and ill tell you (From my empathic point of view, his point of view may be very different)

      Red Flag #2 - Accused of RAPE only one year before you met him am i correct?), I dont know the story but a Narcissistic accused rapist is not anyone I would want to be near in anyway! Especially if (and I hope you dont) have children.

      Is he still in a treatment program and what kind is it? Inpatient? Outpatient? Does he take regular drug tests? with these questions answer I can be of alot more help to you.

      I wish you the best of luck! Please, Please be careful.
      Also, have you ever dated a man with a personality disorder previously?

      Delete
    3. will plowher-furbushJanuary 9, 2017 at 3:51 PM

      "Uber Empath" yet you have a picture of Richard Kuklinski? Nigga exolain yo self

      Delete
    4. Although I know the iceman was a bullshitter in alot of aspects, but I could never NOT like him with his interviews and the book by Phillip Carlo. The book is in 12 parts and In recently put it back on youtube after the company took it down for copyright laws , even though the supposed woman who put it up at first said she was Phillip Carlos daughter.

      I feel for the iceman still even though he id dead. He didnt have a chance.......... But he does lie and embellish alot that it makes some things hard to believe if you wanna listen I have it on youtube called The iceman audiobook 1-12 parts, great book!

      Empaths can enjoy crime stories and be intrigued by the psychopathic mind (and other personality disorders)

      Delete
    5. To clarify, the accusations (more than one individual) of rape where in the summer 2015 - sorry still trying to get used to a new year. I met him in March 2016. He was taken into detention (jail) 6 weeks ago. A shocking experience to be awoken at 7am by police banging at the door! There is video evidence that the parties were willing but they felt his bdsm went beyond what they dicussed and even they even wanted to see him again (all documented).

      No i have never dated someone with NPD or similar. The love bombing stage was quite a whirlwind and doesnt leave much space to consider all the facts that someone saying they love you, soulmate, etc. within a short time is quite unreasonable behaviour. Which i guess is the point of the idealisation phase, right! He went nto the clinic because i said i'd had enough. He said he was afraid to lose me and of course the last 6 weeks he is being randomly tested. I stayed with him, at his request, prior to this and am very certain he didnt slip up during those 3.5 months.

      Delete
    6. The last few weeks on the phone, he calls me daily from jail. He is acting a little erratic, to say the least. He is having major problems sleeping. Pushing and pulling me. "You don't care about me", "are you seeing or talking to other guys" etc...then the next day crying and apologising for his behaviour stating he doesnt know why he would say that. It is all quite exhausting.

      His letters are becoming a bit too fantasy or possibly childlike. Reminding me of good times to come and over using words like "magical" (counted 20 uses on one page). E.g. "What we have is magical and nobody else will experience what we have in their lifetime. When we kiss it is magical and we become one, who else has that".

      He smothers me with words of love over the last 9 months but equally accuses me of cheating, etc. Are these typical traits of NPD. He spoils me with romantic gestures...picnics in the beach at night, flower petals in the bed, etc. I will say that i do feel sex lacks intimacy and we have talked about this often and he says he is "tryingto change his behaviour", then will turn around and say i am the one who wants hard sex whilst he is trying to be intimate. I say that is BS and he laugh's, but I know my own mind and self!!

      Delete
    7. He certainly has issues with abandonment and seems to have a hard time letting go of his prior 10 year relationship, ended 3 years ago but they are tied with the house. Constantly talking about ways to seek revenge financially etc. She is just as bad, it should be noted.

      I know I love this man (naive?) but i am beginning to seriously wonder if i am just in love with the man he possibly pretends to be.
      How can he love me if what i read about NPD's is that they dont have empathy.

      Delete
    8. BTW. Thank you for taking the time to reply to my posts.

      I believe he may also show signs of BPD,hence the abandonment issues.

      If he is devoid of empathy, therefore love, what is driving him to maintain this relationship. Could he consider me a challenge. I admit I did waiver and got lost for a time in the whirlwind love bombing but my gut instinct would often pull me back to reality.

      Trying to analysis this relationship is taking it's toll.... I could be walking away from something potentially loving and wonderful but I could also be potentially saving myself if I walked.

      To be honest. I am also concerned about any repercussions if I do walk away. I do not think it will be that straightforward and would expect some fallout abuse from his side.

      Delete
    9. Anonymous,

      Hi. I was formerly married to a man with NPD who was abused as a child.

      There is a lot of recovery work for them to do and it's very difficult.

      I'm not saying narcs should all be dismissed. My father is also a narc and they do love in their own way. That way, though, rarely nourishes your own personhood. You have to do that for yourself.

      It's a clingy, smothering love that holds you responsible for their feelings.

      I'm glad I left him. A tremendous weight was lifted.

      It makes sense that you investigate the potential for love. I would warn you to not weigh hope higher than reality. The toll is a reality that's part of the mix. I recommend acknowledging all elements of your feelings just as they are. Accept reality as it presents and you'll find your way open before you.

      Just please do not take responsibility for his feelings. Those are his responsibility, as are his choices and situation. You are responsible for your life: you get to choose your path and consequently the people you want in your life, the companions you travel with. That's something glorious to embrace right now.

      Delete
    10. Okay, Now I have a good chunk of info. I would say this NEVER believe that he is relieved of his drug problem until they take him off of whatever program that does regular drug tests. I know plenty of people who count down the days until they finally can freely get high without being in jeopardy of other consequences.

      That is the time that will prove if he has really changed or not.

      Also the NPD, they are superior (in their own minds) and they WANT what they WANT, when they WANT it. Anything to interfere with the NPDs wishes causes him to feel friction and slighted.

      To the NPD, people should already KNOW what they want without them saying a word. You can give them the best of the best an they will only point out the negative , ruining the whole mood.

      These men are predators upom fianaces. My NPD father went as far as to parry a woman in France and have her pay his child support and all his bills while he roamed Paris and got drunk or did whatever the fuck an NPD wants to do, challenge them, get ready for lots of unplesantness, and the most minute, tiny thing can set them off into full narcissistic rage, terrifying to children. I think i have PTSD symptoms but was never hit by my father, he knew to hit you where it hurt and where it was invisible, the mind.

      Please be very careful and how long is is back on his drug program for until they let him go?

      Delete
    11. The last few weeks on the phone, he calls me daily from jail. He is acting a little erratic, to say the least. He is having major problems sleeping. Pushing and pulling me. "You don't care about me", "are you seeing or talking to other guys" etc...then the next day crying and apologising for his behaviour stating he doesnt know why he would say that. It is all quite exhausting.

      +

      He is going through quite a life crisis, bank repossessing his house, a mountain of debt (thousands!!!). He was jailed recently pending trial for accusations for rape a year ago (prior to my time)

      +


      Should i even believe he loves me sincerely?

      =

      Ahahahahahaaaa!!

      You're kidding yourself if you think this guy has a sincere bone in his body. He's calling you repeatedly and showering attention upon you - *FROM JAIL*. All this devaluing/valuing you from a distance amounts to his desperate, foibling attempts to try to stay relevant in your life. Gee. I wonder why that could be? He owes a shit ton of money, and the bank is repossessing his house. You do the fucking math. :P

      Someone who is truly in love doesn't use blatant attempts at manipulation (and poor, transparent ones at that!) to try to maintain their presence in a person's life. A user does that. The asshole you're describing isn't capable of "loving" anyone except himself.

      You're deceiving yourself. Stop being his personal doormat, and move on. If you don't, you'll only have yourself to blame when he invariably shits all over you-- again.

      Delete
    12. Also with the rape stuff and lack of sexual intimacy - it's a commonality with my ex. The sex got much worse over time. I hated it, I ended up always wanting to bite him and kick him off me.

      He ended up saying to me that each and every time he was replaying his own rape on me. He actually did rape me twice.

      Unless your guy does the work to recover (and I was speaking very gently earlier to encourage you to use your own judgement) I would high-tail it out of there. My ex had woven an image of me so tightly into the fabric of his mind he 100% relied on that image for emotional survival.

      I didn't even realise how miserable I was or how deeply trapped. I remember telling a colleague that when he returned from an overseas trip, I felt a compulsion to climb onto the roof, to stay on the roof. She pointed out I was escaping. Escaping! Such a primal drive to escape threat and it didn't even consciously register.

      And the things I actually did to get away - all I can say is do it sooner rather than later.

      A is right to a very large degree. He might believe he loves you, but in reality it's more likely he desperately feels he needs you. And he will do anything to get you to meet that need.

      Delete
    13. The love letters are a very big bold frantically waving red flag in my opinion. All that magically delicious stuff is too sugary sweet. Yes love letters are sappy but there is sappy and then there is whatever it is sociopaths do. Its not the same. If you find it weird then it's weird.

      Delete
    14. This is straight from The Mask of Sanity. It sounds similar to what some personality disordered people do, but maybe he does love you, I dont know. What does your gut tell you?


      Arrangements were made for readmission. The patient arrived in custody of a
      policeman. He was still somewhat stimulated from a recent intoxication but, though
      overbearing and pompous, showed no signs of real drunkenness nor of an officially
      recognized psychosis.
      Frank took a high-handed manner, swaggered about, and finally refused to come
      back into the hospital, saying that he had no mental disease and that he preferred to
      return to jail where he would soon be released to carry out important business plans and
      social activities. He enjoyed the incident, played up his role dramatically, and took a
      peremptory and haughty tone with everyone.
      He soon obtained his freedom, but some weeks later after running up big debts,
      giving several more bad checks, and participating in a series of senseless, bawdy
      escapades, he was finally returned to the hospital. Three months later he again obtained
      his discharge on a writ of habeas corpus but not through the same attorney. The story
      in its broad essentials was repeated.
      Since his last admission, following the exploits just mentioned, he has been true
      to form. After varying periods on a closed ward, parole has been given; he has lost it
      repeatedly and gone back among "demented" and helpless groups with whom he is, to
      say the least, not at home. He has continued at all times free from the technical
      stigmata of psychosis, remaining crafty, intelligent, and superficially cooperative while
      trying to gain his ends.
      Frank takes advantage of every opportunity to make trouble in the hospital and is
      rather restless and extremely dissatisfied. He sends frequent letters to women in town
      to whom he regards himself as paying court. These are written in a neat hand, well
      spelled, and well expressed and are much better letters than would be expected from a
      man of his education. They are marked with self-righteousness, extreme egotism, trite
      sentimentality, and monumental falsehood. His tone is that of a lover who regards his
      own passion as very high and rare.
      "Only God knows," he writes, "why I wasn't left over there among the poppies
      with my heroic buddies," falsely describing himself as a captain in charge of 272 men.
      "My wife never understood me!" he complains in the same letter. What does he expect
      of her? The question invites meditation.

      Delete
    15. Also what kind of clinic is this man going to? Do they prescribe medicine? Curious.......

      Delete
  24. I have a sick stomach and I'm on a quest to find a banana. I heard they're good for your stomach

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you lovesick?

      Delete
    2. Me feel love? Are you mad? I've never felt love in my life. The only things I love are power, attention and McDonald's strawberry milkshakes

      Delete
    3. Are you going to McDonald's, to get a strawberry milkshake? They may have bananas, too.

      Delete
    4. Starbucks has bananas.

      Delete
    5. Nah i had one earlier and now I have the shits. It's terrible. It's a sad thing whenever I'm sick because being sick seems like such a common thing and I've always thought I was above being sick and immune to the illnesses and frailties of average people. Whenever I'm sick I never let people see me being weak, I'm all about projecting power.

      Delete
    6. I have no demons. I slayed them all with a god complex.

      Delete
    7. That sucks. We are all human. So, I can't come over, and watch movies with you?

      Delete
    8. I liked Starbucks when they weren't so sickenly mainstream. There used to be only one in my city now they're everywhere. At least McDonald's knows it's not classy and doesn't try to be. U feelz me

      Delete
    9. You can watch what you want with me if you're a man. If you're a woman you can't. I don't like women at all. I'm a bros bro

      Delete
    10. I prefer less mainstream, but Starbucks is a known and convenient product. How long ago, was there only 1, in your city? I feel you.

      Delete
    11. I guess I don't get to watch movies with you.

      Delete
    12. The typical Starbucks consumer just seems smug to me, you know the type, with the ball stranglers and manicured beard. Who take themselves wayyyyyyyyyyy to seriously. Like if you cracked a joke at their expense they wouldn't no weither to fight you or cry. I walked by a Starbucks the other day and these cornball tourists were writing love hearts and happy new year in the foggy glass so I went up and spontaneously drew a big Nazi symbol. Everyone stood there shocked by my courage and nobody said anything

      Delete
    13. *courage* LOL!! Every time you do something completely retarded you call it courage. Ahaha.

      Delete
    14. I'm not the typical Starbucks consumer, but I know what you mean.

      Ball stranglers-that was funny.

      It has been fun talking to you...

      Delete
    15. Who are you? Reveal yourself. Meakness will get ya nowhere.

      Delete
    16. Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

      Matthew 5:5

      Delete
    17. Rush's song "2112" starts out with the lyrics:

      "And the meek shall inherit the earth"...

      AWESOME TUNE!!!

      :)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    18. My favorite Rush song is still "Limelight", but "2112" rocks, too!!!

      :)

      Hey, M.E.!!!

      What are your thoughts, about "the limelight"???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  25. Can anyone tell me why people avoid me? I'm tall dark and handsome. I'm very friendly and I say hello to strangers. I never scowl and I smile. In the past someone told me that "something is missing in me" since then I have tried to appear perfect but people still are terrified of me. If I was a freak I'd understand but I'm completely normal. I walked past a woman yesterday and she turns around looking at me with startled face then turns to her friend and says "I just got a for shiver down my spine, like someone walked on my grave"

    Why are people noticing something about me? I'm normal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe because you're full of shit and it reeks off you?

      Delete
    2. It may be because as you said "you have tried to appear perfect" and that may make you stand out because it is not your "normal" way of being and it makes you stand out a little bit more.

      Do you have any personality disorders? I read something about feelings people get when they are around psychopathic personalities and the complaints ranged from "I felt like I might become their lunch" or "I felt like I swallowed cement" or "a gut feeling of being around a predator".

      The paper is online titled "Autonomic arousal in the presence of psychopathy" read the pdf version.

      Here is a description of the study-

      The authors analyzed 584 questionnaires from mental health and criminal justice professionals in 12 U.S. cities concerning their physical reaction while interviewing a psychopathic subject. Of the respondents who had interviewed a psychopathic subject, 77.3% reported a physical reaction. Their narratives describe a physiological change, most often dermatological and least often pulmonary, due to likely sympathetic activation of their autonomic nervous system. Female respondents were significantly more likely to have a physical reaction when compared to male respondents; criminal justice professionals were significantly less likely to have a physical reaction when compared to mental health professionals. No other demographic variables showed significant differences. The data are interpreted as suggestive evidence of a primitive, autonomic, and fearful response to a predator, and understood in the context of: (a) other evolutionary and ethological findings concerning such an evolved defense against an interspecies or intraspecies threat; and (b) the demonstrable finding in other research studies of frequent predatory violence among psychopathic subjects, whom the authors consider an intraspecies predator.

      Delete
  26. Seems to be a reflexive position that any self expression is an attempt to destabilise him.

    I wore lingerie. That's all. It seemed to trip his neural circuits and he became impossible. WTF? What guy wouldn't be excited about a woman he invited over showing up looking sexy?

    I do remember that fellow from the Cirkle advising me to allow him to take charge in bed. It does seem that any initiative I take at all is met with these short circuits.

    Any explanations?

    ReplyDelete
  27. North, I'm probably no help, but I'll chuck my tuppence in if I may.
    You're doing nowt wrong, at all, you're trying to titalise with your sexuality, and that's great, but you've an awkward one on your hands here.
    Right, first off, he's insanely jealous, but denies it to himself let alone to you, he thinks a lot of himself and probably thinks jealousy below someone of his stature and desirability. If you want to wear lingerie for him, I'd suggest you wear lingerie he has either bought for you, or at least, picked out, his first thoughts were probably "pff, who the fuck else has she worn that for?"
    Cirkle can advise, as can I, but as A and I said with you before, bdsm is a tricky one, control giving/taking can be very rocky ground. I believe we mentioned topping from the bottom? Best strategy I can put forward to you. YOU take charge, but, make him feeeeeel he's in charge...like, yell at him during sex, like, fuck me you fucking animal, fuck me like you're fucking paying me, that's it, fuck yeah, give me that fucking cock.
    Excuse the crudeness...see is sex after all.
    Tell him to tie you down and use you, instead of being coy and asking, tell him, tell him to restrain you whilst he uses your holes for HIS pleasure, make it sound all about him, even though you're getting precisely what you want out of it. Win win.
    Or maybe I just talk a lot of shit.
    Hope you find a happy medium, anything I can help with (bdsm wise of course, I'm useless at carpentry. And ironing) and you know where I am. Sometimes. Other times I can be found over there, near the coffee machine and womens toilets.

    Hey Vegas ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Swop,

      Yeah, I think you have as decent a read on him as can be given the context.

      He loses his shit but I think underneath he knows it's unreasonable.

      You're actually right: all his Christmases come at once when I say "I want you to fuck me." I've only done it twice but it was as though suddenly missionary were the most exciting thing in the world to him. I found a kind of quaint or naive character in him regarding this. That made him feel like a man? But he really does a wonderful job and he's beautiful.

      He did give a clue as to his freak-out. He referred to my lingerie as "your equipment", a link to something I'd said while we were discussing fantasies. The implication (also given his angle) is that he thought I was taking charge of our fantasy play, which hadn't been in my mind at all.

      Nevertheless... I'm reaching the point where I don't fucking care about his little dramas. I can't help the jealousy and won't refrain from self-expression just to dance around his precious ego.

      I will be consistent. And if that draws things to an end, so be it. I think there's somewhat of a process for me to go through and that's ok. I do like the fellow quite a lot.

      Thanks again Swop :)

      Delete
    2. (Alex, is it?) is so uncomfortable about his desires, and so clueless as to how to ask for what he wants, that he has little temper tantrums whenever things don't go the way he'd prefer. This is because he is very insecure.

      He expects you to intuit what he wants-- refusing to communicate his desires openly, because on some level, he is ashamed of them. He wants you to fucking WANT what he wants-- without having to tell you. He resents that should not want exactly what he does. You should, you know. Because he is incredibly self-centered.

      Not sure who she was quoting, but M.E. communicated it very succinctly via Twitter:

      "To the NPD, people should already KNOW what they want without them saying a word.

      "NPD WANT what they WANT, when they WANT it. Anything to interfere with the NPDs wishes causes him to feel friction and slighted.


      “The lingerie isn’t what he wants. He wants you to submit for him. What *that* means is all wrapped up in this knot in his head-- and you have to help him untangle it. He has itches, and he’s frustrated that you haven’t figured out how to scratch them.

      This isn’t your fault. He is emotionally immature and unsophisticated.

      Figure out what he wants, behave in a manner that is in perfect accord with that, and he’ll be putty in your bed.

      If you give a shit, teach him that it is safe to express his wishes by encouraging them, and urging him to communicate them vocally.

      Delete
    3. "You should, you know. Because he is incredibly self-centered."

      ^This was sarcasm.

      Lest my tone be ambiguous.

      Delete
    4. Mmmm. You just showed me your neck.

      "You're doing nowt wrong, at all, you're trying to titalise

      *titillate

      with your sexuality, and that's great, but you've an awkward one on your hands here.


      ...An emotionally stunted one who isn't entirely sure of what he wants. It's all undeveloped and gutteral, at this point.

      Right, first off, he's insanely jealous, but denies it to himself let alone to you, he thinks a lot of himself and probably thinks jealousy below someone of his stature and desirability.


      ^Pure projection. You male dom types are so jealous.

      Makes me giggle.

      If you want to wear lingerie for him, I'd suggest you wear lingerie he has either bought for you, or at least, picked out, his first thoughts were probably "pff, who the fuck else has she worn that for?"

      Hahahahahahaaaaa! Insecure, much? ;)

      Delete
    5. Terribly insecure yes. Well, no actually, but it's a fairly blatant observation was all, men are territorial, myself included, though I don't like lingerie to be honest, the female form is more than enough for my *titillation.
      Projecting possibly yes, but if it's right, it's right, if it's wrong, it's obviously their fault.

      My neck is all yours.
      Don't be gentle.

      If he is actually a dominant, which, I don't think he is, North shouldn't have to figure bugger all out, he'd just take it and she'd have to, well, take it. I think she's got a guy on her hands who wants to tell and convince himself he is dominant.
      And no dear A, that is not projecting, I AM all kinds of über domly.
      You may cum now.

      Hey Vegas ;)

      Delete
    6. Hey A and Swop,

      Yes, he seems to be highly insecure. I do think he is ashamed of his desires.

      But I do know what he wants. He asks for it all the time. He wants me to "punish" him.

      What he flips out at is me taking any initiative. When I do (not if I do) he tries to twist it into something he wants. I say "tries" because I don't allow that.

      He is perfectly fine to give me what I want if he "grants" it to me and he's usually very fair about it: if I do what he wants, he gives me what I want. Or sometimes if I'm being a bit slow in responding, he'll give me what I want first.

      Obviously I am finding this ridiculous and constraining.

      And I think Swop is right about him being jealous.

      he’ll be putty in your bed.

      This is highly informative. I think it is EXACTLY what he's afraid of... yet it is counter to neurotypical thinking. As anon writes, we want to play together, each of us bringing our own spirit to the bed!

      He seems to think that by aiming for a mutual outcome / fun, I'm trying to diminish his agency. Major threat response.

      He and I both attack threats. And we both have tender spots. We can both flare up, both de-escalate.

      He can't make space for my self-expression and I won't to be limited.

      Delete
    7. Wow, how sweet of M.E. to tweet what I wrote about NPD people up further on this thread! I didnt know about it until "A" used the quote but it is very true, I have an NPD father like North and he behaves how I wrote to a T! Before we went "No Contact" just being around him was SO SO draining, something is ALWAYS wrong and once you experience enough of it the behavior is easy to spot, at least in my fathers case.


      (Hello M.E.!!!! Glad your blog is still up and I hope you are doing very well)

      :)

      Delete
    8. Also, the thing about submission (and Iam not into BDSM type stuff never tried it) in my mind a woman showing up in some nice lingerie, that pretty submissive in itself, to me at least. I find it quite a hot idea and cant imagine being mad or upset or turned off in anyway, I would think it is a sweet gesture :)

      Delete
  28. North I think it's natural to be seductive. That's what makes it so frustrating. I think when you do things like wear lingerie, pick a movie, or have any idea that seems to be outof the blue they aaren't thinking how darling! They are thinking why areally you doing that. There is no being sweet and could just because that's what you feel. That is what is so bizarre. And so you have to give up a bit of yourself to these ridiculous critters that can't appreciate how lovely you naturally are.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes. It's so foreign to our minds. I don't think he can conceive of "we" - while neurotypicals are physiologically rewarded by these simple acts of sharing or intimacy, perhaps he can only see it in the light of how it would be had he performed that action: as a means to an end, or a manipulation, or as a vehicle for self pleasure.

      (This is why I don't think lack of empathy is an adequate descriptor of "the problem" with sociopaths. We can project our emotional/cognitive experience to understand others and they do too; only their experience is so vastly different they perceive threats that don't exist.

      It's a source of wonder and amazement to me. The heights of bravery in facing a world such as they perceive. It's no wonder they find it difficult to trust, no wonder they are so self-contained, so self-reliant.)

      Delete
    2. North I agree. It is in my opinion it is a form of empathy. A sort of logical empathy that strongly echoes personal pathology.

      Delete
    3. And I believe physiological rewards play a huge part. We are rewarded for our empathy as are they. Changing behavior is possible but does it change the way one feels reward? That seems to be an important underlying motivator.

      Delete
    4. Exactly this. I wonder how they feel safe, or learn to trust. I wonder what happens then? I wonder if that's possible, if that makes their life experience better. Or whether it's a bridge too far.

      Learning to trust can be very difficult for any of us.

      Delete
    5. This is essentially a key question in my mind. Rather than focusing on mechanics such as empathy - we know they have good cognitive empathy - why not address the real roots of unconsciously driven behaviour: our algorithms for assessing and responding to the environment, specifically to threat and opportunity.

      Delete
    6. I think they choose loss over trust. Is it loss if you choose it? I think this is how they trust. By only trusting themselves.

      Delete
    7. They frame it that way in their minds from the start.

      I recall a discussion about that here some time ago.

      The strange thing is he mentioned trusting someone at work. But I also find it easier to engage with people at work: the relationship is naturally bounded at a pleasant distance.

      Delete
    8. Hmmm in a way trust almost seems to be a tool created by sociopaths. I think I have really had more of a faith in the goodness of others.

      Delete
    9. And I do feel that sociopaths feel that same goodness in themselves. Perhaps they can't deal with the dichotomy in themselves and others.

      Delete
    10. I feel they must perceive their own goodness as weakness.

      Delete
    11. And using logical empathy deduce that others have also eradicated their own goodness.thinking backwards is terribly hard. This is just a theory of course. What is left is a constant struggle because we are all both good and bad.

      Delete
    12. So they are constantly trying to convince others to trust them. Trust can only work to their advantage or so they believe.

      Delete
    13. I believe most people have faith in the underlying goodness of others. When that faith is gone perhaps you must rely on trust which is more of a choice than a feeling?

      Delete
    14. I feel it is nearly impossible to convince a sociopath to trust but I do think they might feel safe with someone who gives them what they want. That seems to be easier said than done.

      Delete
    15. anon,

      This question of faith.

      Is alliance precluded? Does alliance depend on feeling?

      Is there any mutuality? Any investment into a "we"?

      It's impossible to convince a person of investment in shared interests if that person believes only in self-sufficiency as a social strategy.

      I teeter on this myself. It's only recently, where people have invested into shared goals with me and even for me, that I've experienced the richness that can bring.

      I can understand why only self-sufficiency might be considered viable.

      In short, I can understand the threat.

      My sister, I think, is a sociopath. There are reasons there's an affinity or attraction for me, something shared in the background, yet manifesting quite differently.

      Delete
    16. North I think there is no alliance. That iswhat i find so strange. Yet there is a need. And also there is a denial of need.I understand the attraction. I feel as if I have been in the role my whole life. I had been prepared to be a trustinglittle pet. And I worry that I'm still that trusting little pet. My belief system hasn't changed that much. I guess I just feel it's better to feel. To keep soft spots despite the risk. I wonder how we arrive at such different places.

      Delete
    17. Trading emotions for strength seems to create so much internal pressure like a black hole. How do you reverse such a process?

      Delete
    18. why do you think your sister is a sociopath, north? ... just curious

      alice

      Delete
  29. Make him feel he's in charge. I understand where this is coming from but yet it's so condensing. Its so fake. Sexual play should be play. Its only fun if two people-or more;-)-play. What fun is playing with some brain dead zombie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh gosh yes. Who can be bothered with the mental gymnastics required. Like anyone, I want self expression... and to create a harmony with a beautiful, living, interesting, exciting other.

      My self expression is not a threat.

      Delete
  30. Eh. I would just tell him to go fuck himself after that-- because he wouldn't be fucking me. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I got dressed and stood on his balcony while he cooked dinner.

      There's something tender between us that hasn't broken yet. I feel there's a calm place that both of us are on the fringes of, and consequently a question of whether or not we can step into it.

      Delete
  31. And anon, to your points about them riding a bike that can't crash, I think you're right. It's often about not losing rather than winning.

    A has said a few times "we hate to lose."

    They don't just attack threats, they wipe them off the fucken planet, if possible.

    M.E. posted a tweet along the lines of the best tactic being de-escalation without drama. That removes the threat. That's how it worked for me the other night.

    **-* was talking about perceived risk being the same as actual risk. A organism puts itself in a risky situation if it doesn't respond to perceived risk or threat.

    The trick for everyone is increasing our own capabilities so that there is less that threatens us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hey north, sorry i'm answering just now...unfortunately i had a lot lot to do the last weeks... I enyojed reading all the links you postetd, really interssting... i also read an article on psychology today which was about creativity and galang et al. proposed that often psychopaths and sociopaths are more creative because they are less emotionally inhibited (here is the link to the article if you are interested ... https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201610/are-creative-people-more-likely-be-psychopathic). unfortunatley i can't remember the other tings you wrote about... it's really sad but my memory is unfortunately not so good... I think thats one of the weakness of humans... our brain capacity is so small... I read and learned so many things but i guess i already forgot 50%. maybe something like an external memory card for ones brain would be good. where you can store information. or even combined with an AI which can make fast calculations our brain is not able to do. well maybe i'll develop something like that.. but i guess this could easily be abused. anyway i think i'd love to have such a device... well i'm also sorry this is maybe a bit confusing but i'm drunk a little bit and maybe tomorrow i'll write more (but i'm not sorry for any gramatical mistakes)... so have a good evening

      alice

      Delete
    2. Hey alice-

      Thank you, for sharing that "Psychology Today" article.:)

      Just out of curiosity, what are you drinking???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    3. hey vegas, you're welcome :) ... oh drunk a lot of different things last night... mostly gin tonic (I really like that), but also some other drinks my friends prepared... I'm not very fussy about that... what's your favourite drink? :)

      alice

      Delete
    4. Hey alice-

      My husband likes Gin & Tonics, and that's his mom's "drink of choice".:) I don't mind Gin & Tonic, but I am a "Whiskey Girl", at heart.:) I prefer Canadian blends over Bourbons, mixed with Diet Coke.:)

      That was nice of your friends, to make you drinks.:) Were they trying to get you drunk??? I know there are a lot of variables, but approximately how many drinks does it take, to get you drunk???

      Just curious.:)

      HA!!! LOL!!!

      :)

      I'm not very fussy about drinks, either.:)

      ALL KINDS OF DRINKS ARE DELICIOUS!!!

      HA!!! LOL!!!

      :)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    5. Hey alice-

      PS-Were they just "friends", or "friends with benefits"???

      :)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    6. hey vegas,
      whiskey sour is delicious! it was a house party at one of my friends shared flat with friends from our university... so everyone tried to get everyone drunk haha... yeah they are really nice, but it's common that everyone will mix some drinks for others :) oh haha it depends on what and how fast i drink and how much alkohol they contain but compared to others i get drunk very fast... about 2 drinks or 3-4 beers... i see the positive things: it's always cheap for me to get drunk haha

      alice

      Delete
    7. Hey alice-

      Whiskey Sours are delicious.:)

      Which university, is your university???

      Did everyone, get everyone drunk???

      You sound like fun.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    8. Hey alice-

      PS-Was it a "Friday the 13th" party???

      :)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    9. hey vegas,

      yes more or less haha. the technical university in munich (germany)... i guess you won't know it haha

      alice

      Delete
    10. Hey alice-

      I think you mentioned that before.:)

      Can I come visit???

      :)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    11. Hey alice-

      Maybe I could visit during Oktoberfest, and see the Nymphenburg Palace.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    12. Hey alice-

      That's an awesome name, for a palace.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    13. Hi alice,

      "particularly a desire or need to follow the beat of their own drummer, also appear in individuals who are highly creative. "

      Once a person creates their own worldview, their own reference points, their own definitions, they can never accept the constraints of someone else's rules.

      I think that in itself propogates creativity, perhaps even necessitates it.

      Delete
    14. hey north, i agree with you... i guess if people would be restrained by other people's rules, there would not be any progress in our world...

      alice

      Delete
  32. Hey, M.E.!!!

    Any funny tweets today???

    :)

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  33. My ex and I were together for 5 years. We lived together and were engaged. We went on a trip with friends and his family and had a nasty fight and broke up. We both moved out of our home and with our parents. We decided to go no contact for a month and 2 weeks in he started dating a girl and took her on a trip to California ( where we’ve gone the last 2 years on my bday) on my birthday weekend! After battling it out thru emails and a few meetings we finally came to see each other all of last week, i love him so much and i was so desperate to have him back coz i new that girl was not the right person for him so i have to save my relationship and reunite with me ex again so i try all i could to bring him back but all to avail i have be in contact with so many spell caster who only too my money and still nothing good work out of it, i ws so confuse and devastated one day trying to search on facebook, i come across a wonderful testimony of a lady on how a spell caster who she contacted also for love spell help her and bring her husband back to her with-in less day 2 days after the spell i was so fill with joy coz this lady meant my day and i regain my hope back so i directly and desperately email http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/ coz i love my ex so much and i want him back all to my self so with-in 5 min,Dr happy email me back with hope and told me that i have found solution in him that i should worried no more so i did all he ask of me and he gave me assured and guarantee that my ex will come back so i believed and was so gifted all to my surprise after the spell my ex call, come to my working beg and apology for his mistake,and he said sorry for the nasty break up that he was inconsiderate of my feelings nt in tend to hurt me. i can testify with the power love spell of Dr happy me and my ex are happily married now thank you Dr happy i will for ever be grateful to you and keep sharing your testimony if you need help or love spell fine it difficult to get back with your ex, email happylovespell2@gmail.com or call his mobile number on +2348133873774

    ReplyDelete
  34. Rich the Uber Empath mentioned "Karma", and it made me think of this song:

    Culture Club

    KarmaChameleon

    :)

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, M.E.!!!

      :)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. That song makes me want to...

      DANCE, DANCE, DANCE!!!

      :):):)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    3. That song also makes me want to go to...

      Mardi Gras and Carnaval!!!

      :):):)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  35. Hey, Jamie!!!

    I JUST HAD ANOTHER SIGN!!!

    Why aren't you answering my question on that???

    :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who is Jamie?

      Delete
    2. I don't know. There are definitely some interesting comments, on this blog.

      Delete
  36. http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2012-11/fyi-why-are-mean-people-so-attractive

    this is only half the reason i think

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i think the other half is testosterone

      Delete
  37. Hey, Louise!!!

    :)

    ~Thelma

    ReplyDelete
  38. I only feel vulnerable when completely thrown off guard but years of communication and socializing with varieties of people i have learned to "play it off" but other than that you create your own vulnerability

    ReplyDelete
  39. Hey, M.E.!!!

    :)

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have a question.

      For some reason, Radiohead's "Karma Police" just came to mind, and I thought "I should share that song, too!!!"

      Then, the song came on the radio.

      I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING!!!

      What is that???

      My husband says I'm "psychic", but I don't think so.

      Is it "premonition"???

      Thoughts???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. I should add, that it happens frequently enough, that it seems beyond "coincidence"...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    3. It also happens with things, other than music...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    4. I've even had a few dreams about things happening, that I didn't know were happening, that I confirmed shortly thereafter...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  40. Hey, M.E.!!!

    I just saw a sweatshirt, that read:

    "Normal People Scare Me"

    THAT WAS AWESOME!!!

    HA!!! LOL!!!

    :):):)

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  41. Hey, M.E.!!!

    I see funny tweets!!!

    Thank you.:)

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, M.E.!!!

      PS-YOU CRACK ME UP!!!

      You're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool...

      TRUE ROMANCE, BABY!!!

      :):):)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. Hey, M.E.!!!

      PPS-I heard Pink Floyd's "Learning To Fly" yesterday, and I thought of you.:)

      They have a new box set, that I SO NEED TO GET!!!

      :):):)

      ~Vegas

      Delete

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