Sunday, September 4, 2016

Good seduction?

I was talking a friend recently who was having a little bit of relationship trouble, specifically a little bit of a lack of reciprocation in interest with a new paramour. My friend is (for various reasons) the type to value being straightforward and direct about things -- the type to bemoan the gamesmanship of modern love, e.g. waiting to respond to someone, not appearing too interested, etc. "Don't wait to text back" are the sorts of platitudes you sometimes see in sappy and misguided social media posts, as if it is so brave and honorable to text someone back right away rather than trying to doing them the favor of making them desire you more than they thought they could ever desire another human being.

This has been a topic that my post-graduating-from-therapy-self has been thinking about for a little bit now -- what role does seduction or other types of potentially "good" manipulation have in healthy relationships? Because my first thought when my friend was telling me this story was maybe my friend needed to read the Art of Seduction, or Dangerous Liaisons, or get any sort of game for the sake of the paramour and for the good of the relationship. Because seducing and game aren't necessary always insidious. I've said it before, and even after dropping most manipulation from my emotional daily vocabulary I still believe it -- everyone wants to be seduced.

I asked me friend, "what is it you like about your paramour"? The answer: mystery, and the charming way the paramour goes about doing things in which everything feels like a pleasant surprise. It's the little things, so little that my friend was almost reluctant to tell me because it seemed silly. Things like giving up your reserved parking spot and parking on the street for the other person, working some connections to get into a hip new place, taking care of everything -- planning, paying, and otherwise trying to anticipate and then meeting another person's needs and wants. In the "old days" they called this "wooing", but they could have called it seduction because what it is at its heart is trying to induce feelings of love, affection, or desire in another person. It's manipulation, but it's not "bad" manipulation, and by that I mean it's not at all unwanted (in a consensual romantic relationship, stalking is another story).

I'm not saying to lie or pretend to be someone other than who you are not to get someone to fall in love with a fantasy. But there is nothing deceptive about (to go back to the earlier example) waiting a reasonable amount of time to text someone back in order to heighten the recipient's anticipation and pleasure when they finally do hear back from you. There is nothing deceptive about encouraging mystery and a sense of discovery between each other rather than dumping all of your personal information and baggage on during the first few dates. It's not whether people deserve or don't deserve honesty, it's that people don't really want honesty in that form in this arena. Maybe that's controversial to say, and certainly there would be plenty of people who probably truly do (anti-seducers, for one). But most just say they want the honesty. What they end up choosing is to be swept off their feet by someone who keeps them guessing, by someone who mixes a bittersweet and puzzlingly compelling blend of frustration and satisfaction in their interactions. Romantic love feels better when it's a bit of a challenge and involves a healthy amount of guesswork and angst. I don't know if it's absolutely necessary to use actual seductive skills to achieve this result, but it's certainly one of the most reliable and effective ways. It takes quite a bit of effort to seduce, and at least some skill. Consequently, there seems to be much more demand than supply for seduction. The fact that everyone wants to be seduced but there is such little actual seduction happening suggests that seducing someone, particularly seducing well, is one of the nicest things you could ever do for another person. Don't you think?

149 comments:

  1. FIRST!!!

    Hey, M.E.:)

    ~Vegas

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    Replies
    1. "The fact that everyone wants to be seduced but there is such little actual seduction happening suggests that seducing someone, particularly seducing well, is one of the nicest things you could ever do for another person. Don't you think?"

      Yes, I think so.:)

      ~Vegas

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    2. M.E.-

      PS-Thank you, for sharing a seduction/paramour/rose story.:)

      Your friend sounds like me, and their paramour sounds like my husband.:)

      The title of your post, made me thing of this song:

      Song of the Day

      Better Than Ezra

      Good

      ~Vegas

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    3. M.E.-

      PPS-If your friend is NT, I think I know what's happening.

      Many NT's need to feel like they "know" someone, are "connected" to them, "know where things stand", and know that the relationship is "progressing" at all times, or they become frustrated and give up.

      Personally, those are not issues for me.

      ~Vegas

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    4. VEGITOPATH STILL MADLY IN LOVE WITH UKAN EVEN AFTER THE DIVORCESeptember 11, 2016 at 2:20 AM

      TEEEHEEEEEE MEEE AND UKAN DIVORCED TEEHEEEEE MEEEE JUST MARREED TO MONEECA AND PEARSON AND SKYE NOW TEEHEEEEE

      WEEE HAF HELFY BABBEES TWOGEDUR TEEHEEE


      GOOD JEENS TEEHEEE

































      UKAN I MEESSS YUU. IFF YUU WUNT TOO MARREE MEE AGEN I AM HEER TEEHEEE



















































      WEE NEVER HAD BABEES TEEHEEEE WEEE NEVUR CONSUMATEED THE RELAESHONSHEEP TEEHEEE


      TEEHEEEEE
























      WEEEEEE NEEED MAKE BIG HAPPEE FAMELEE TEEHEEE






































      UKAN. LOVE WITH UKAN.



























      UKAN. TEEHEEE






































      TEEHEEEE

      Delete
  2. This post appeared in my RSS feed 30 seconds ago and Vegas already beat me to the first comment. Damn.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Damaged-

      I'm SUPER FAST!!!

      Plus, M.E. and I are telepathically linked, I think.:)

      PS-Thank you, for the link you shared awhile back, with the information on LSD.:)

      I did get my husband to smoke weed with me once, but it didn't go very well. It made him paranoid, and there was a pool at the house we were at, and he just walked around the pool for hours and hours-I couldn't get him to relax...

      PPS-Hemingway House 6-Toed Cat Count: -17

      ~Vegas

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    2. Wow you must be heart broken.

      Delete
  3. I'll beat you one day Vegas! *shakes fist*

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    1. Damaged-

      You crack me up.:)

      HA!!! LOL!!!

      Hemingway House 6-Toed Cat Count: -18

      You've been busy.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  4. M.E.-

    Your "Dennis Tennis" retweet CRACKED ME UP!!!

    You know, that is my sense of humor.:)

    ~Vegas

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    1. M.E.-

      PS-That also, makes me want to travel!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. VEGITOPATH STILL MADLY IN LOVE WITH UKAN AFTER DIVORCESeptember 11, 2016 at 2:02 AM

      TEEEHEEEEEE MEEE AND UKAN DIVORCED TEEHEEEEE MEEEE JUST MARREED TO MONEECA AND PEARSON AND SKYE NOW TEEHEEEEE

      WEEE HAF HELFY BABBEES TWOGEDUR TEEHEEE


      GOOD JEENS TEEHEEE

































      UKAN I MEESSS YUU. IFF YUU WUNT TOO MARREE MEE AGEN I AM HEER TEEHEEE



















































      WEE NEVER HAD BABEES TEEHEEEE WEEE NEVUR CONSUMATEED THE RELAESHONSHEEP TEEHEEE


      TEEHEEEEE
























      WEEEEEE NEEED MAKE BIG HAPPEE FAMELEE TEEHEEE






































      UKAN. LOVE WITH UKAN.



























      UKAN. TEEHEEE






































      TEEHEEEE

      Delete
  5. hey guys, I have a question that is a bit off topic but whatever.... how would you define and describe love? My friends often talk about that and how dissapointed they are if the loved one is hurting them and all this stuff, but I can not really relate to that and I think I never genuinely loved someone like they define love (they have all quite the same mindset). So I'm curious what other people think and I like to hear some other opinions so I can classify my friends and me a little bit better...

    alice

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    1. Alice-

      I think love is "positive energy".:)

      ~Vegas

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    2. I found this tweet today and it sums up my practice of love perfectly:

      "Instead of clinging onto you, now that I found you, I'm learning how to let you go in every moment, only to rediscover you."

      My experience of that practice is a very different kind of richness: I plumb the very depths of who I am and what I want. In other words, I learn more about myself and am more self-sufficient. Being self sufficient gives me the freedom to experience the other person for who they are. It also allows me to understand the best ways of interacting with that person; and this shifts all the time.

      I adopt the principles of fairness, respect and personal responsibility. I apply each to myself first, then engage with others in this way. I expect fair treatment and I expect respect - if I don't get that (after communicating my expectations), the relationship is not worth pursuing. Beyond that, I have no rules.

      To describe what I think love is (how it operates): it's biological and there are so many factors that influence the mechanisms. I enjoy learning how they work for me.

      I don't think a relationship exists as a separate entity, or even as an entity encompassing the parties involved. I think the participants simply have their own experience of a relationship, which is why communication is important: checking in to see how they other is experiencing things allows one to adapt (pivot) as things inevitably change. This is why it's best if we take full responsibility for ourselves. In this way, we can create (at least I have so far been successful creating) better collaborations for mutual benefit.

      How do you describe love, alice? How about your friends?

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    3. North-

      "I know what you mean, Vegas.

      How can it be so good?? But it is :)"

      Yes, it is.:)

      I call it "Animal Magnetism".:)

      ~Vegas

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    4. Here's Google's definition of "Animal Magnetism":

      "Animal magnetism, also known as mesmerism, was the name given by the German doctor Franz Friedrich Anton Mesmer in the 18th century to what he believed to be an invisible natural force exerted by animals."

      ~Vegas

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    5. thanks north, it's so interesting to hear about other people's experiences and it really gives me a clearer understanding. my friends describe love as a feeling deep down in them... like they are soulmates with the person they love and they have the feeling that they would do almost everything for them and they trust them so much and they trust them so much etc.. they know about the other's dreams and they support them, sometimes share them. they support their loved ones because they genuinely want their best and want them to be happy... and of course, regarding their boy/girlfriends, there is the sexual attraction.
      how I describe love? I don't know.... I really have no idea... that's why I'm asking other people.... I never felt any of the things I mentioned earlier... I think I simply don't care about other people (for instance when my parents and my sister got very ill (not all at the same time) and they shared it with the family, everyone was so shocked, sad, crying and so on... but my first and only thought was how I can play this card the best way... I just didn't care about something else). I don't feel connected to anyone, I not even felt sexual attraction to anyone... I tried to have a few close relationships, but every time the person wanted to become very intimate, like I should share my heartstrings (they always shared their's with me), I didn't really know what and how to answer (there is not much to tell about me and the things I could tell will definitely scare them)... so I invented some, but that's quite annoying. So these relationships didn't last very long from that point on.
      "I adopt the principles of fairness, respect and personal responsibility. I apply each to myself first, then engage with others in this way. I expect fair treatment and I expect respect - if I don't get that (after communicating my expectations), the relationship is not worth pursuing. Beyond that, I have no rules." ... I did show fairness, respect and, I think, personal resposibility (I'm not sure what you mean with "personal responibility), but this never prevent these relationships from breaking...

      Anyway, I realized that it is very important to have close relationships... for instance to appear normal so other people are not discouraged to interact with me... I know I'm different from the most people, but at least I want to seem like them and therefor I need to understand them

      alice

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    6. Alice- love is very hard to describe. But for me personally it is about being brave, and that bravery has nothing to do with anyone but myself. Its like stepping off a ledge and trusting you can fly. Somehow you just do.

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    7. Alice what do you believe causes your relationships to break? Do you feel your relationships are predetermined to break?

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    8. hey anon 10:22, I guess most of my relationships broke because everybody around me is so obsessed with intimacy and stuff like this.... but I can't understand this ... why are they so anxious to know everything about you, about your feelings? I mean why do you have to figure out your core? I don't hinder them from telling me about their feelings etc but I don't have anything I can tell them (beside lies) and they have a problem with this in most cases (for instance once I was on a ferry with my friend and he asked me what I was thinking about. I know he expected something romantic like in a movie and I said something like that so he was satisfied. but actually I was trying to calculate the likelihood the ship will sink and I really wished this to happen just to experience the vibe... so nothing a normal person will understand) so in the end I'm always so annoyed to tell the people what they want to hear (or at least what I think they want to hear) that I break up (well it didn't happen that often because I didn't have that many relationships because I'm not that old)...so yes I think my relationships are predetermined to break sooner or later... unless I can get a deeper understanding of all this stuff...

      and anon 5:48, I like your description... it sounds really beautiful and poetic and like something I would plagiarize if I ever need to give a description of love haha

      alice

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    9. Alice thank you! Its yours to use. Its funny how I can relate to some things about sociopaths. I think its the whole extreme thing. I am a lot like sociopaths in many ways with the exception that I don't have many negative thoughts. Not that one am some angel by any means. ;-) but if someone asked me what I was thinking I wouldn't want to tell them either. It seems to obvious and I'm usually thinking something completely silly. A little bit of mystery is a good thing. And you might be surprised. Even people who don't have a lot of negative thoughts can appreciate some darkness now and then. And just as I'm not as full of goodness and light as I might like to think I am I'm sure your not nearly as different as you might think you are.

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    10. the question is how you define positive and negative thoughts... I don't think my thoughts are negative, but in society's view they are. anyway... if I'm not that different then why can't I relate to people? why do I look at them, seeing how they are living in their small isolated bubbels, giving me weird glances just because I sometimes differ from the "normal" the society is pretending?

      in the situations, when someone is asking you what you're thinking and you believe it's silly or something like that, what are you usually answering then? I mean doesn't love indicate that you can tell this person openly and he/she will just accept what you say without judging. or is this just my distorted perception I got from movies haha...

      alice

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    11. Alice-

      "I know he expected something romantic like in a movie and I said something like that so he was satisfied. but actually I was trying to calculate the likelihood the ship will sink and I really wished this to happen just to experience the vibe..."

      I would want to know, what you were really thinking. When you told me, I would probably start talking about the Titanic.:)

      ~Vegas

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    12. Alice I'm sure I'm probably twice your age and I have had too many relationships with too many crazy people-and a few really cool ones;-) and I've learned you should just do your own thing. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. You will be happier and things will just happen naturally for you. I don't mean to judge your thoughts by saying they are negative. Its more like everyone has both dark and light . I was never aware of the darkness I have. Finding a balance helps to replace some of the emotions you might not connect with as strongly. Even though Im not a sociopath I still feel I'm missing things. I feel I'm different and I'm starting to understand it more and more. I wish you luck Alice. :-)

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    13. That's interesting, Vegas. I would like to know too.

      On the weekend, I heard a mother speaking to her child who had apparently told a lie about what they were feeling. The mother said 'people want to hear the truth.' It really jumped out at me, and I was envious of the child, having never received such messaging myself.

      I think it's true. Coming back to my ideas of neurotypicals using emotional signals as prediction, truth about what another person feels or thinks helps us predict and based on that, to make decisions. But this isn't necessarily a very conscious activity. I mean, that lack of conscious considerationis the advantage of emotion - these are processing and predictive shortcuts evolution has gifted us with. Our feelings are very sensitive to our social standing and they compel us to action. [There is tons to stay here - we know reacting emotionally can sometimes be problematic - I don’t intend to address that here. Otherwise I'd be talking forever ;p ]

      alice, in my experience, my subconscious does still look for those emotional signals from him and that is sometimes difficult for me because the lack of signal means I have inaccurately predicted things. It is for me like learning a new way of interacting; I have to create a new predictive model and with so little data. It feels also quite like 50 First Dates because the emotional memory that is such a large part of most relationships doesn't exist for him. I'm not explaining this well because I don't fully understand it. It feels sometimes like a sequencing of disconnected scenes that I can create a narrative of; but I have no idea how and if they connect for him at all. He has mentioned the word 'routine' twice this week; perhaps that's the connection. I don't know. Maybe I should ask.

      It's just very, very different and I'm conscious of remaining 100% grounded in my own reality and enjoying our scenes for what they are worth. in their own right, and knowing that the meaning I derive from our interactions is something largely independent of his experience. This will have to do until I understand him better or until it doesn't suit me any longer. At the moment, it quite suits me. I prefer to connect more deeply to myself than to rely on anyone else.

      Regarding your last post: I think one thing **-* enjoys a bit of freedom in not having to always express his thoughts in “palatable” ways. He is considerate, but sometimes, just sometimes, he gives me a glimpse of his mind.

      I like what you have to say Anon 9:03. I think your advice applies to everyone: to let things happen naturally. Curiosity is our best guide!

      I also liked Anon 5:48's view on love - inspiring and comforting, I found a resonance or awakening in reading that.

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    14. thank you very much... all of you. I guess this is really giving me a deeper understanding about myself and also the people around me...

      vegas, it's pretty cool you would talk about the titanic then. I like that. (btw in my opinion jack and rose would have easily fit on the door and there was no need for jack to die in the movie haha)

      anon 9:03, what do you exactly mean with "Finding a balance helps to replace some of the emotions you might not connect with as strongly."? how can having a balance replace some emotions?

      north, it's really cool that you share so many stories from your life...I think I can learn a lot from you. "He has mentioned the word 'routine' twice this week; perhaps that's the connection.I don't know. Maybe I should ask." if you ask him it would be great to hear his answer.

      alice

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    15. Alice something I noticed about myself is my tendencies to repress what I'm really thinking or feeling. I read an article today and it talked about when you get in the habit of doing that you don't know what you like. You don't know who you really are. When you really look inside you might not recognize what you see at first. But the more you look the more you realize who you are. What you like. What you want. You start to see those parts of yourself that always seemed to be missing.

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    16. And the sociopath I knew asked me what I was thinking kinda like your friend asked you. I said I didn't know. It was not anything out of a movie that I was thinking about. But I did think it was strange the way they asked me. Something about it made me not want to tell them.

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    17. alice: I'm curious, but not quite sure how to frame the question. I'll write back, though, if anything interesting emerges.

      Anon 9:30: I discovered something very similar, and learning about myself; that is, my likes and dislikes, has been a cornerstone of all the changes in my life. You've described it really well.

      The thing that amazes me, though, is that sociopaths seem to have immediate connection to what it is they want, what their objectives are. alice - or others - are you able to comment on Anon's post? Does hiding in plain sight affect your sense of self?

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    18. Hey north-i think you can find the article I mentioned if you search 180 rule -how psychopaths self sabotage. Its definitely worth reading.

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    19. alice-

      "vegas, it's pretty cool you would talk about the titanic then. I like that. (btw in my opinion jack and rose would have easily fit on the door and there was no need for jack to die in the movie haha)"

      I'm glad you liked that.:)

      I totally agree!!!

      I think Jack and Rose could have both fit on the door, and there was no need for Jack to die, in the movie.:)

      ~Vegas

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    20. "The thing that amazes me, though, is that sociopaths seem to have immediate connection to what it is they want, what their objectives are. alice - or others - are you able to comment on Anon's post? Does hiding in plain sight affect your sense of self?"

      that's a very interesting question, north... and interesting is kind of the formal synonym for "I have absolutely no idea" among the people in my university haha... well I just read the wikipedia article about the sense of self and that's far more complex than I thought... so presumably someone with a background in psychology can give a satisfying answer (I'm not in psychology). but anyway I'll try to explain my thoughts...
      ...it's suggested that the self partly emerges through social interactions with other people and through the social structure. so theoretically people learn about themselves through other people and social comparsion etc. and as result their sense of self can change... well I experienced that only my "mask" changes but not my sense of self. for instance people respond to feedback with pride or shame and I guess this for example changes their view about themselves and then they can change aspects of themselves to gain social acceptance. I think I don't modify aspects of myself, I just change my mask to fit in. but my intentions, aims and the way I see myself remains the same I guess.... but maybe my "mask" also belongs to the sense of self, I really don't know... well if I gain further insight in my sense of self (it's the first time I occupy myself with this) I'll tell you... it's really an interesting subject.

      alice

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    21. Hi north- I'm the anon that's chatted with you before. I'm sorry to be so vague. The article helped me to see a little more clearly how repression applies to both socio and nons. I thought you might find it helpful too. :-)

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    22. Well, this is some fuel for thought - a very stimulating convo!

      alice, I agree it is completely fascinating, thankyou for sharing your thoughts on it. Your post has triggered lots of ruminations in me, some of which I'll write about now.

      It's very curious, this difference in the social construction of the self - I wonder if it is the clarity, the awareness of immediate intent and priority that appeals to me in **-*. Well, appeals and frustrates, lol, because along with assertiveness there's also stubbornness :p

      You're right: neurotypicals are acutely affected by the reflections we perceive; we are compelled to integrate them. I don't necessarily mean accept them, but we must account for them in some way because they trigger strong emotions that command attention and almost precipitate action with their energy. Of course, the easiest course is to fight the reflection. As we mature, we learn to seek other viewpoints; we reflect with others to reduce our own bias and to develop a more rounded view of the situation. This, of course, is not foolproof, but I actually never regret acting on my feelings; that is pursuing the intent they convey. I understand feelings as being the signallers of highly-tuned sensors of risk within our intuition or subconscious, especially to our social position. I really like your idea here (which is why I'm appropriating it...) that neurotypicals respond to feedback and can change themselves as a result. We can do that: and actually I think that is easier done using the energy of our feelings than through sheer willpower. Our brains are highly plastic while we are emotional and we can especially direct change at these times.

      One of the young lads at The Cirkle once explained how he is able to change his patterns of behaviour as well as his mask if he finds a particular pattern less effective than he would like. Do you have that experience too? I regard pattern change as the key to growth for myself and as I've alluded to above, I have my own methods for achieving it. I'm interested to hear your thoughts on this.

      I attempted some formal philosophy studies earlier this year, part of which covered conceptions of the self. It was rudimentary coverage, let's say, but what I did gather by comparing it with the discussions here, is that the self is more elusive to definition than the philosophers imagine. By analogy, it's not a cube or triangular prism; it's has more dimensions than three, more faces and interface and is as such some sort of polytope. What you have written here, especially concerning your mask, gels with my reading of Oliver Sacks. There are many different modes of human life, and different neuorological makeups imply different modes of self-experience too. Children born blind, for example, have a self-conception that excludes vision - and so on and so forth.

      I wonder then, is the self some rolling integration of current experience - our percepts, our patterns of response, which include emotional impetus and our interpreted history as it pertains to the current moment. I suppose, then, that the pattern of self-conception will be most similar for those with similar neural makeup, but will ultimately be unique.

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    23. Thanks Anon. Trolls are about so I wasn't about to google something without really knowing why :D

      I enjoyed the article and the embedded video. I was in a very similar place myself, not knowing very much about myself at all! At one point, my psychologist prompted me to book a holiday for myself and I really struggled. Didn't have the first clue what I wanted to do and for exactly the reasons mentioned: I had always suppressed my own thoughts and feelings.

      The thing that intrigues me most is that the lack that psychopaths sometimes describe in their sense of self seems to be different because they do seem to know what they want, despite the reduced amplitude of feeling. It's quite a delicious mystery to me.

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    24. North it is such a mystery! And it's very interesting to see the parallels between myself and sociopaths. It seems there are a lot of same cutting off or pushing down emotions yet I feel I can change. I feel I can change because I have discovered this. But sociopaths can't and they have known it all along. So strange....

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    25. hey north, very interesting things you wrote... I really enjoyed reading it.

      you mentioned that you actually never regretted to act on your feelings... do you mean like you can comprehend (rationally) that these feelings, which lead you to a certain decision (even if it was a wrong one) were like subconscious signals, or did you really never regret the decisions you made based on your feelings. and do you also make some decisions only based on rational facts without the influence of any feelings?

      well, yes I also change my patterns of behaviour and my mask if it don't have the desired effect... I think it's like I have a standard mask, which I wear for so long now, that in all likelihood I won't slip out of it. this mask is kind of perfected and works in most situation with most people and I only have to do small adjustments depending on the people I'm interacting with. I'm also able to create a completely new mask, but this requires some more effort, so I only change it if it's really worth the effort (yes I'm a lazy person haha). but I guess I never changed my patterns of behaviour based on emotions, at least not consciously. but well, maybe my mask isn't a mask at all but my true self and I'm just able to change it whenever I like...

      alice

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    26. regarding your last thought, north ("is the self some rolling integration of current experience"):
      I think this is what the narrative psychological approach towards the study of self and identity is describing. one of its propositions is the link between experiences of self, temporality, relationships with others and morality. it also says that the sense of self and the sense of morality (which is I guess, according to this approach gained through narratives and stories etc) are connected. so in the end this explains that everyone (even with a similar neural makeup) has a different sense of self due to the different narratives and influences the person is experiencing. well of course this approach also has a lot of criticisms, but it can be used when the quantitative approaches are failing (that is apparently often the case in the study of self and identity). (there is a paper about this if you're interested... here is the link http://tap.sagepub.com/content/10/4/527.short)

      alice

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    27. somehow my posts keep removing themselves... I'm sorry if you see them more often because I tried to post it several times haha

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    28. Hey Anon and alice,

      I'm keen to respond (and thanks for the link, alice!), though have had RL matters to attend to. Hoping to get back to this tonight or tomorrow morning.

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    29. Hey alice,

      "do you mean like you can comprehend (rationally) that these feelings, which lead you to a certain decision (even if it was a wrong one) were like subconscious signals, or did you really never regret the decisions you made based on your feelings. and do you also make some decisions only based on rational facts without the influence of any feelings?"

      It's closer to the former explanation. Feelings are like energy of various flavours, demanding a particular focus. Sometimes they frighten us and we want to push those feeling downs; jamming or blocking them, talking ourselves out of them and trying to maintain our course in some rationally chosen direction. Or sometimes we go with them, they flood in like a crazy big wave and we're swept along.

      But if you, rather than blocking or crashing onto the beach, just allow the energy to play out, you find it settles.

      Feelings usually arise when something isn't going the way we expect or the way we want, or if something is going really well. Either way, feelings provide richness to our experience of life; and we can utilise them. But ignoring them doesn't work so well. In fact, it doesn't work at all - think stress illnesses and confusion etc.

      In either case - great feelings or painful feelings - I let the energy run its cycle. I don't try to grab at the good feelings and hold them - or the thing that triggered them. I note my organism is saying "approach!" For painful feelings, there's usually some dissonance that needs resolving. So I let my subconscious handle that. I allow the energy to run all through me and basically say to my brain - when you're ready, tell me what you want to do about this. And I don't do anything until it tells me to. My subconscious handles far more data than my conscious mind and I trust it to come up with a good solution. I usually feel very peaceful about this process because I've listened to myself and truly do what I feel like doing.

      What I mean by not regretting anything is that I don't think there is any wrong or right choice. "Good" is always contextual; so an action we take is either effective or not effective in achieving a certain end. If it's not effective, I have a data point (sometimes an emotive one, ha) to feed back into my understanding of myself and my environment. In this way, I am always learning to make more effective choices. And because I am peaceful about my process, there simply is never any regret.

      "and do you also make some decisions only based on rational facts without the influence of any feelings?
      Hhmmm. I don't know if it's possible for me. Feelings of various intensity colour everything. Even if it's "I feel like a burger for lunch." Alan Watts said "you do not know where your decisions come from. They pop up like hiccups." It's a bit like that.

      Delete
    30. In Myers Briggs terms, I'm a Thinking type, so I strongly preference efficiency and effectiveness when making decisions. Moreover, I'm one of the Rational types (Intuitive Thinkers):

      Rationals are abstract in speech and utilitarian in pursuing their goals. Their greatest strength is strategy.

      As the knowledge-seeking temperament, Rationals trust reason implicitly. They rely on objective observations and factual analysis in any given situation. They seek a logical argument as a basis for action. As strategists, Rationals strive to gain as much information as possible, applying what they learn to develop long-term plans and the steps for achieving them. They are characterized by a tough-minded personal style, tending to pursue either power or understanding. They are often strong-willed, ambitious, intelligent, and self-determined. Subjective thoughts and emotion have no place in the decision-making process of a Rational. Driven to excel, they work hard to achieve their goals, and they do well where they can take control or work independently on a task.


      While most of that applies, I don't agree at all that emotions don't have a place in the decision-making process of a Rational. I think that's a legacy of a false and misleading conceptualisation of the human condition. I think I strongly preference utility in my decisions over collaboration. ie I care much less about harmony and much more about the likely effectiveness of any strategy. And my feelings are very much wired to that, prompting me toward it.

      What's interesting is that **-* is a Feeling type and his decisions and actions are based on value judgements. I feel more robotic than he is as a result. He often talks about values he holds and where certain happenings have violated his values. I kinda look at him blankly; my mind doesn't work that way at all. I'm far more interested in the mechanisms at play and really the only thing I'm interested in is whether or not something works and why.

      Delete
    31. Thanks for the link to the paper. I'm interested in the idea of narrative, interested in how it works.. I'm gonna try tracking down a full text copy.

      Delete
    32. hey north, didn't had the time to read your post yet (you're always writing sooo much :) ) ...I can send you the paper as pdf if you like, just need your email address

      alice

      Delete
    33. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    34. hey north, I also believe that emotions take a part in the decision-making process of rational people. everybody has emotions and acts on them (more or less)... for instance if someone is pushing you, you get angry etc and the following decisions you make are based on these emotions...no matter if you are very rational or not. well of course, this is not my discovery (again) but I will share my source: https://youtu.be/AMsQfgV07vU (this is a course from yale university, introduction to psychology. if you are not in psychology I can recommend watching also the other videos... they give a pretty good insight into the basic concepts of psychology)

      alice

      Delete
  6. M.E.-

    Is your friend's "paramour" a sociopath???

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. M.E.-

      I like the way we communicate.:)

      I'm STILL LAUGHING, after reading the "Hackerman" retweet.:)

      I'm listening to Mike Snow's "Genghis Khan".:) Every time I listen to that song, I want to...

      DANCE, DANCE, DANCE!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. That should've been Miike Snow.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  7. Who here likes the taste of cunt?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thanks for this tips! On my opinion, www.admission-service.com it is useful information!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yes everyone wants to be seduced. But I wouldn't say that our will to seduce is a compliment to them. When seducing the object of desire is the seducer himself not them. When I'm seducing people I often feel like its a compliment to myself since I can be so appealing. I do not find the other person rather fascinating. He's not a person but rather a goal. I will succeed and once I do I will lose interest. I think romance is a better word for what you're referring to, because romance can be for the other person I suppose, for example to express gratitude. While seduction is more of a game. People become absorbed in the act of seduction and stakes seem very high, but once that is done reality kicks in. People who have a strong demand for seduction are possibly insecure, a favor would be to leave them to themselves allowing them to love themselves first, seduction would further their addiction to attention and their will to view someone as a god, since they feel their own world to be godless. Their will to be seduced is all too similar to the will of the tired citizens of a corrupt country to believe in a leader who promises he will make all great again. Overwhelming desire should be addressed with caution, it always means there has been a trick.
    -VN

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. VN-

      It's been awhile-it's good to see you post.

      I appreciate your insight.:)

      What country do you live in? You do not need to answer, if you do not want to...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. VN, your lines about the promising leader offer a very handy lens on some very concerning office dynamics at the moment, lol.

      When he seduced me the first time, I knew it was nonsense for the most part. It was so far-fetched, such as telling me my hands were beautiful- they are rugby player's hands, broken, twisted fingers. He was throwing in line after line to see which ones worked - it was perfectly obvious but endearing at the same time. It was a wonderful experience, very exciting and new. 'Dangerous' he said, guessing that word would appeal to me. (I happen to be in the street right now where all this started, so the memories feel richer.)

      I remember writing in my journal he could seduce me any time. I still think being seduced by a charming Frenchman is something every girl should get to experience once ;) But it's not something to cling to or crave; I agree that would be indicative of some identity issues and that its better to learn to love yourself.

      Delete
    3. Hello north. I really like to listen in on your stories about him. There is a sweetness about it. I think it's important to remember. :-)

      Delete
    4. Thanks. Yep, as Anon (sorry, I lose track) said above, there is darkness and light in everyone and it's ok to embrace that; in fact it's the interplay that makes our lives interesting, the dynamic that makes our species responsive.

      Delete
    5. Eeek I find lots of Frenchmen liars and very flirtatious. They turn me off. They'd fuck anything when your not looking, the charm is pathetic.

      Delete
    6. Anon @ 7:43-

      You read my mind.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    7. Tourette Syndrome

      Delete
  10. What do we get for our trouble and pain?
    Just a rented room in Whalley Range

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon @ 3:53-

      Seriously???

      I am so sorry.:(

      Are you ok???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. Someone likes the smiths. Where is whalley Range?

      Delete
    3. Anon @ 5:43-

      Nice "call".:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    4. Anon @ 5:43-

      I wasn't familiar with "The Smiths", or that song...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    5. i think morrissey is a psychopath. he hates everyone and loves himself

      Delete
  11. Drinks for the Pool Party:

    https://www.thedrinksbusiness.com/2016/09/study-shows-gin-drinkers-are-most-likely-to-be-psychopaths/

    Mr. Hyde

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mr. Hyde-

      Thank you, for sharing that.:)

      I think there might be something to that study. My husband likes gin & tonics, so does his mother, and so did her father...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. NM-

      The study Mr. Hyde shared, was conducted at Innsbruck University in Austria, which made me think of you.:)

      If you are still reading the blog, will you post???

      The last time you posted, you didn't sound like yourself, and I have been worried about you...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    3. Vegas,

      How bout a song?

      Mr. Hyde

      Delete
    4. The girl who got away....

      See only up to 1:30, since the rest is fiction.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mklRbf1JoGY

      Delete
  12. Regarding the topic, I like the opening scene, of this movie:

    WhenAManLovesAWoman

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  13. OldAndWise-

    Thank you, for the "hugs".:)

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OldAndWise-

      Thank you, for the song request, too!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. VEGITOPATH STILL MADLY IN LOVE WITH UKAN AFTER DIVORCESeptember 11, 2016 at 1:52 AM

      TEEEHEEEEEE MEEE AND UKAN DIVORCED TEEHEEEEE MEEEE JUST MARREED TO MONEECA AND PEARSON AND SKYE NOW TEEHEEEEE

      WEEE HAF HELFY BABBEES TWOGEDUR TEEHEEE


      GOOD JEENS TEEHEEE

































      UKAN I MEESSS YUU. IFF YUU WUNT TOO MARREE MEE AGEN I AM HEER TEEHEEE



















































      WEE NEVER HAD BABEES TEEHEEEE WEEE NEVUR CONSUMATEED THE RELAESHONSHEEP TEEHEEE


      TEEHEEEEE
























      WEEEEEE NEEED MAKE BIG HAPPEE FAMELEE TEEHEEE






































      UKAN. LOVE WITH UKAN.



























      UKAN. TEEHEEE






































      TEEHEEEE

      Delete
  14. What else can i say rather than to thank Doctor Okpamen who God used to reunite my marriage. Each day of my life, i ask God to bless Dr. Okpamen for he has made my life complete by bringing back my husband to me and for this reason, i made a vow to my self that i will testify on the internet to let the world know that Dr. Okpamen is a God on Earth. My husband and i had a fight for three days which led to our divorce. On this faithful day, i came across a testimony of how Dr. Okpamen helped a lady in getting back her lover. So, i contacted him and explained to him and he told me that my days of sorrows are over that my husband will come back to me within 12 to 16 hours.. Could you believe it, my husband came home begging that he needs me back. Do you need any kind of help? Contact him now via email: ( Doctorokpamenspelltemple@hotmail.com ), call and whatsapp him via +2348135254384 OR for more confirmation call or text me on my cell# +1 (914) 517-3229. Becky Nolan USA.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Live cricket coverage, live streaming , cricket highlights, live scores, breaking news, video, analysis and expert opinion. Australian cricket team and international matches

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. VEGITOPATH STILL MADLY IN LOVE WITH UKAN AFTER DIVORCESeptember 11, 2016 at 1:54 AM

      TEEHEEEEE UKAN WEEE NEVER HAD ANYEEEE BABEESS TEEHEEEE

















      I LOVE YUU TEEHEE













































































































      I SHULD NEVUR HAF SINED THOSE PAPURS TEEHEEE


























































      EEF I HADUNT WEE WUD STEELL BE MAREED TEEHEEE











































































































      YUUU WOOD HAF BEEN MIEN TEEHEEE





















































      PLEES COME BACK TEEEHEEEE





















































      I LOVE YUU UKAN TEEHEE

      Delete
  16. In general, the narcissist always prefers show-off to substance. One of the most effective methods of exposing a narcissist is by trying to delve deeper. The narcissist is shallow, a pond pretending to be an ocean. He likes to think of himself as a Renaissance Man, a Jack of all trades. A narcissist never admits to ignorance in any field - yet, typically, he is ignorant of them all. It is surprisingly easy to penetrate the gloss and the veneer of the narcissist's self-proclaimed omniscience.

    If that doesn't describe UKan, then i don't know what will.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Describes North.

      Delete
    2. Oh noes... someone let the kat out of its kage.

      Delete
    3. North,

      The posters at 12:46 PM/Sept. 8 and 5:45 PM/Sept. 9 are not the poster of the comment at 1:38 AM/Sept. 10.

      Disambiguation: I am the 1:38 AM/Sept. 10 commenter, and this is my second comment in this ENTIRE post. Put on your thinking cap, eh?

      Delete
    4. I know, it's Morrissey! I heard somewhere he hates everyone and only loves himself.

      Delete
    5. Forget, North. Vegas makes my eyes bleed.

      Delete
    6. VEGITOPATH MADLY IN LOVE WITH UKAN EVEN AFTER DIVORCESeptember 11, 2016 at 1:57 AM

      TEEEHEEEEEE MAYBEEE NORTH CAN BE MY REPLASEMENT HOOSBAND SEENCE UKAN IS GONE TEEHEEE

































      TEEHEEE



















































      SOMEONE NEEDS TWO REEPLASE UKAN BEECOOZ HEE IS NO LONGUR MYE HOOSBAND TEEHEEE





















































      I NEED A NUU HOOSBAND TEEHEEEE










































































      OR MAYBEE VEGASS TEEHEEEEE













































      BEECOOZ WOMEN CAN BEE HOOSBANDS TOO TEEHEEEE

      Delete
  17. Cracking The Myth Of UKanSeptember 8, 2016 at 1:02 PM

    "Bragging and false autobiography – The narcissist brags incessantly. His speech is peppered with 'I', 'my', 'myself', and 'mine'. He describes himself as intelligent, or rich, or modest, or intuitive, or creative – but always excessively, implausibly, and extraordinarily so.

    The narcissist's biography sounds unusually rich and complex. His achievements – incommensurate with his age, education, or renown. Yet, his actual condition is evidently and demonstrably incompatible with his claims. Very often, the narcissist lies or fantasies are easily discernible. He always name-drops and appropriates other people's experiences and accomplishments."

    Again, this is UKan to a t. On rare occasions he blends some facts about his real life into his grandiose delusional autobiography. Like when he reveals he effectively just sits at home smoking weed and playing Xbox all day. UKan like many religious founders is a dangerous narcissist.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're like a little girl, stopping before a mirror and making a grotesque face. She thinks herself a special little monster and runs off.

      Go and have your pissant fun somewhere else.

      Delete
    2. Sex seems to be the biggest motivator for most people.

      Delete
    3. VEGITOPATH STILL MADLY IN LOVE WITH UKAN AFTER DIVORCESeptember 11, 2016 at 1:59 AM

      TEEEHEEEE MONEECA AND SKYE AND PEARSON MISS YUU TOO TEEHEEEE

      YUU NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO MEET THE BABEES TEEHEEEEE


      YORE FAMELEE NEEDS YUU SEXEE UKAN TEEHEEEE
















































































































































      IF YUU MARREEE MEE AGEN, UKAN BEE PERFECT TEEHEE

      Delete
    4. I don't get it.

      Delete
  18. That's amusing how people continue to brag about UKan after all these years

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. VEGITOPATH STILL MADLY IN LOVE WITH UKAN EVEN AFTER THE DIVORCESeptember 11, 2016 at 2:01 AM

      OOFFF COORSE THEY BRAGG ABOUT HEEM HEE WOOZ MY HOOSBAND FOR A FEW YEERS NOW TEEHEEEE








































































      MY VEGITOPATHY HAS EVEEDENTLY RUBBED OFF ON HEEEM OVUR THE YEERS TEEHEEEEEEEEE



















































      TEEHEEE

      Delete
  19. M.E.,

    "Consciousness—a hallmark of humans, mammals, birds, and even octopuses—is that mysterious force that makes all those neurons and synapses “tick” and merge into “you.” It’s what makes you alert and sensitive to your surroundings, and it’s what helps you see yourself as separate from everything else.

    Tegmark calls his new state of matter “perceptronium.”

    Tegmark discusses perceptronium, defined as the most general substance that feels subjectively self-aware. This substance should not only be able to store and process information but in a way that forms a unified, indivisible whole. That also requires a certain amount of independence in which the information dynamics is determined from within rather than externally."

    http://www.corespirit.com/physicists-say-consciousness-might-state-matter/

    Perceptronium: Looking at your posts, I see that "new knowledge" interests you.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  21. It's so lonely in this place
    So cold I don't believe
    And as no-one knows my name
    It's easy to pretend
    It's easy to believe
    There's a shadow on my wall
    It dances like my soul
    Dances like my soul
    It's so cold now
    I swear it will be warm
    Here she come now

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Didn't we break the silence
      Didn't we fear the storm
      Didn't we move the earth
      Didn't we shoot for the sky
      And didn't we catch the fire
      And didn't we call upon the spirits
      And didn't we fall together
      And didn't we die for love
      Days on the run
      Nights in hiding
      Hoping that you were the
      Healing inside me
      Breathe in the sweet fire of love
      I'm not afraid anymore
      Sweet, sweet fire
      I'm not alone
      Breathe in the sweet fire of love
      I'm not the same anymore
      Sweet, sweet fire
      Sweet fire of love
      Sweet fire of love
      Didn't we cross new waters
      Didn't we mix new blood
      Didn't we build brand new bridges
      Didn't we hold back the flood
      Broken idols by the side of the road
      Fate didn't fall on the side of the law
      Here she comes a-shining like a light
      Here she comes salvation in the night

      Delete
    2. A LOVE POEM FOR UKAN TOO WEEN HIM BAK AFTER THE DIVORCESeptember 11, 2016 at 2:09 AM

      Didn't we break the HYMEN TEEHEE
      Didn't we fear the TAMPON TEEHEE
      Didn't we move the BIG BLUE BALLS TEEHEE
      Didn't we shoot for the SEELEENG TEEHEE
      And didn't we catch the fire
      And didn't we call upon the ITALEEN GRANDPASS TEEHEE
      And didn't we fall together
      And didn't we die for BABEES TEEHEE
      Days on the run
      Nights in hiding
      Hoping that you were the
      ZEENOMORF inside me TEEHEE
      Breathe in the ALIEN BABEES TEEHEE
      I'm not afraid anymore
      Sweet, sweet PHALLEEC FACEHOOGER TEEHEE
      I'm not alone
      Breathe in the sweet fire of love
      I'm NOT DOOEENG MY NAILS ANYMORE TEEHEE
      Sweet, sweet fire
      Sweet fire of love
      Sweet fire of love
      Didn't we cross new PUSSEEE BABEES TEEHEE
      Didn't we mix new blood
      Didn't we build BITCHEEN NUU CAGES TEEHEE
      Didn't we hold back UKAN WHEEEN HEE TRIED TOO DIVORCE ME TEEHEE
      Broken idols by the side of the road
      Fate didn't fall on the side of the law
      Here HE/she CUMS TEEHEEE
      Here she SQUIRTS TEEEEEE IN THA NITE TEEEEEEEHEEE

      Delete
  22. https://youtube.com/watch?v=C7INFHx5UH0

    ReplyDelete
  23. Psychopaths are, more often than not, easy to talk too. Folks that seems to have known strangers all their lives. Is that really them being "shallow"? Isn´t that "social competence"?

    ReplyDelete
  24. M.E.-

    Since you know my sense of humor, I wanted to share something funny with you, that just made me laugh out loud.:)

    I have a plaque that says:

    "Impossible You Say? Nothing Is Impossible When You Work For The Circus"...

    HA!!! LOL!!!

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. M.E.-

      P.S.-I loved this retweet of yours:

      "so im jus chilig on a ledge premtendig to be gargoyle when these firemen show up tellig me dont jump but they got a big trampoline so idk"...

      HA!!! LOL!!!

      THAT WAS AWESOME!!!

      Thank you.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  25. A-

    I LOVED YOUR POST!!!

    Thank you, for sharing that.:)

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anon @ 6:22-

    I LOVED YOUR POST, TOO!!!

    Thank you for sharing that, as well.:)

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What about my post?

      If you have to ask which post is mine you can forget it.

      Delete
    2. CRAWL HAS VEGITOPATHIC TENDENCIES TEEHEESeptember 12, 2016 at 7:00 PM

      TEEHEEEEE I WUNT CRAWL TOOO BEE MYE REPLASEMENT HOOSBAND,

      THE EMPTEENESS EES TWO HARD TWO BEAR NOW TEEHEEEE





















































































































      I NEED A NUU HOOSBAND TEEHEE

      Delete
  27. Alice you come across like an angsty teenaged girl with limited social skills and life experience. The reason you have nothing say for yourself when people ask and have to make shit up is becaus you're dull and don't get out enough. The reason you didn't care when you family got sick is because your emotions are being blunted by mild depression and you're too busy introspecting and trying to figure yourself out to have time for anyone else. The reason you're uncomfortable with intamacy is because you lack confidence and dislike your body. The reason you claim to reject conformity is because you have failed to conform. Don't stress, these are all run of the mill issues for most teenagers. You need to FORCE yourself to get out there and seek new expierences. That's how you grow. Get some drugs and/or alchohol into your system to loosen up your inhibitions then go out partying.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hey crawl, you are absolutely right! how could I be sooo wrong about myself? and it's such a great idea to go out and do some drugs! I'm sooo thankful this really opened my eyes .... so in return I also want to give you an advice: go and get a hobby or a job! or both! so you don't need to run around anymore, trying to assess people you don't know...
      I sincerely hope I could help you...

      alice

      Delete
    2. Ahhh sarcasm, the lowest form of wit. Don't be frosty babe all i'm saying is that you sound like a typical angsty teenager to me. You should take it as a compliment really. Where i'm from being diagnosed with ASPD can get you incarcerated and you definitely don't want that right? you should be happy you're not a sociopath, but I guess it's easier to imagine yourself as bad than it is to see yourself as weak, that's the reason you were sooo wrong about yourself. It's just a phase kiddo you'll grow of it and make some friends one day.

      Delete
    3. Crawl: Care Bear or angry Troll?

      Stay tuned to find out.

      Delete
    4. VEGITOPATH MISSES UKAN AFTER DIVORCE TEEHEESeptember 12, 2016 at 6:58 PM

      TEEHEEEEEE CRAWWWWLLL I WUNT YUUUU TOOO BEE MYE REPLASEMENT HOOSBAND, TEEHEE I STEEELL HAVE MONICA AND PEERSON AND SKYE BUT EET'S NOT THE SAME WEEFOUT UKAN TEEHEEEE





































      I MEESS HAVEEING FOUR HOOSBANDS



























      YUUU WILL HAF MAH BABEES TEEHEEE















































      YOU WEELLL BEE MYE REPLASEMENT HOOSBAND TEEHEEE

































      I LOVE YUU CRAWL TEEHEEEEEE













































      YYUUUUUU REEMIEND MEE OF UKAN BEECOOZ YOO R SOO VEGITOPATHIC TEHEEE

      Delete
    5. Crawl-

      Are you in Britain?

      Do they really incarcerate people, just for being diagnosed with ASPD?

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  28. "I have to create a new predictive model and with so little data". Wow North i bet ur the life of the party aren't you haha. Do you download that predictive model to a usb and plug it into the back of ur head? You really need to loosen up babe. Just out of curiosity, why do u write a blog that nobody visits?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Meh.

      I invite you to posit something. Anything.

      Delete
    2. Thanks but no thanks. Not interested in partaking in your psuedo-intellectual circle jerk just right now.

      Delete
    3. North-

      Why do you write a blog, if nobody visits?

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    4. Why are my actions of interest to you, Vegas? I recall you in hysterics over my transferring a comment from here and onto my blog. I think you're the most toxic person on this blog and it staggers me the socios (and Mr Hyde) don't see it. Anon was right when she called you a cry-bully. You roll over like a dog and scratch like a cat, all the while feigning innocence.

      Delete
    5. She doesn't scratch all. She strokes. It is her way of deflecting criticism in (what was once) a pervasively hostile environment. She won't share her story because her persona is a lie, just like the many others she has adopted on this site over the years. But don't mistake the fake buoyancy of this "Vegas" character as a lack of intelligence. Vegas is flaky, but the woman behind her is a deeply scarred, yet intelligent woman, with a good measure of depth- who can also be vindictive, spiteful and catty.

      She thinks her intentions are good. She used to consider her involvement on this blog a ministry. But it is clear that she is here on account of a deep, unresolved obsession with sociopaths, because she was deeply wounded by a singularly cruel man, who did unspeakable things to her, and her loved ones. When confronted, she engages in overt splitting behaviour (sometimes to the point of literally parading her arsenal of puppets) orpassive-aggressive taunting.

      The key to seeing her, and unmasking her personas is that her narrative predictably revolves around her sociopathic ex husband, or her "sociofriend". There are also several grammatical tells, but I'll keep those to myself for now.

      We see her, North. At least, I do. But I wish her no harm. Underlying her brokenness and obsessiveness, she is as tough as nails.

      Delete
    6. Appreciated, A. I recall you recognised her from the first. I would say the same cringe-revulsion factor is also triggered by the different personas, which is why your explanation makes sense to me.

      I most certainly don't want to end up like her.

      Neither do I wish her harm.

      Cheers.

      Delete
  29. Vegas. What other names have you gone under?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Crawl-

      I haven't gone under any other names...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. Yes, you most certainly have.

      Delete
  30. Ok I just bothered to read some of the article and now i'm ready to posit. ME, this article is fucking boring just like the skidmarks who frequent your site. I don't want to hear about what you and the girls chatter and cluck away about over mojitos, it's tedious. You're not wiriting for Cosmo here. And If you actually say things like "what is it you like about your paramour" in real life then ur a spod and a weirdo who couldn't get laid an orgy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hey crawl, may I ask you a question? why are you reading this if you think this is so boring?

      alice

      Delete
    2. Crawl-

      I requested this article.:)

      I thought it'd be fun, to hear some "Good Seduction" stories.:)

      You could share one of your "seduction stories", if you want to.:)

      Hey, MOJITOS RULE!!!

      I bet M.E. gets laid, as much as she wants to.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    3. Wait, did you actually tell the owner of this blog what they're allowed and not allowed to post about on their own blog.

      Delete
  31. Hey Alice, tell me how you were hoping I would respond to that question and what your comeback would've been.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
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      Delete
  32. In the news today: Corporate psychopath rates 'similar to prison population', says researcher

    "If [candidates] were to come up high [on the psychometric test] it would then be a thorough clinical interview, potentially looking at problem-solving and reasoning based scenarios," Mr Brookes said.

    "And then the next step, if they still passed that, would be looking at a prolonged probation period where they were rated on the third party measure by co-workers and also a manager."

    While psychopaths account for only a minority of the workforce, Mr Brookes said they could wreak havoc on organisations.

    "Their personality usually leads them to exploit every avenue open to them, whether it's in a criminal setting, or within organisations," he said.

    The study, presented to the Australian Psychological Society's annual congress in Melbourne on Tuesday, will add to the growing field of knowledge about non-criminal psychopaths.


    I think there are better ways of handling this.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Crawl when people do or say what you expect are you satisfied then or are you still terribly bored. Oh. So. Bored.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Vegitopath-

    Is your name a combination of "vegetable" and "sociopath"?

    Just curious...

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  35. Hello sociopath world I am a newcomer here and I was hoping what better of a place for someone to diagnose if i am a sociopath then sociopaths themselves. Let's just get right into it when I was younger at age 12 I lived with my younger brother and my mother, my mother was jobless and leeching money off the government so we as a family didn't have much money for food and clothing, we would usually eat crap food like KD and noodles, me and my brother were picky eaters and preferred the expensive food like meat and salad and sometimes fast food that was still expensive. So me and my brother would manipulate other kids our age to give us their food in their household we would often sleep over their house just to eat their beautiful food I didn't really give a shit about my relationship with the friends I have made I would just want their food. The parents of the children I was manipulating sorta knew what I was doing constantly sleeping over their children's house and cleaning out their fridge but they didn't say or do anything. At the time I wasn't aware of what I was doing or treating people I felt like I did it of instinct in order to survive and reach my satisfactional needs for great food. I would often lie a lot to my mother about sleeping over and associate it with school work rather than the fact that I'm just their for the food. My younger brother was better at it he would trick female children into getting food as they had a affection towards him because of how attractive he was. Fast forward today I now have my own job and I don't manipulate people as much as I did before due to money coming in. But I hate school I skip class all the time due to anxiety of me not being able to control the environment which causes me anxiety. I haven't told my mother yet and I lie to her every time making up fabricated stories on how the school day went. I am often bored a lot too. I love trolling at work to I love messing with customers and my team members it's fun for me. We'll that's all I got what do u guys thing?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Quite a interesting story i would say you have some sociopathic tendencies

      Delete
  36. I have a question. I was a dancer for a sociopathic dance teacher for three years. He is married to someone twenty years his senior. Initially we got along great and there was no chemistry because I wasn't attracted to him but I enjoyed dancing at the same level. We were in a musical group and would perform. Initially there was a group of 20 students in the class but we moved locations and he focused on me a lot and there was just one other dancer in the group. It was like he completely forgot about earning money.
    We progressed and progressed and I became known for my high standard in this cultural dance form which was initially completely foreign to me.
    Things turned when I began bringing a boyfriend to shows, and also brought more girls into the group to learn. My boyfriend was a sociopath but I didn't know it at the time, but would come to kiss me before the shows. The girls I was very friendly with and at times my teacher seemed a little left out. He would go away on tour and come back for rehearsals. They were intense and I felt like there was an energy that was mounting and mounting and he seemed agitated and arrogant.
    He started to become an asshole to me and nitpicked everything. Once, I had to move out of a home with a sociopath in it and had nowhere to live so I danced badly and he humiliated me in front of everyone. When i tried to apologise he drove off in his car while I was talking.
    He had always been harsh when stressed out but it seemed to be planned toward me because I was asking him a lot of technical questions because I was advancing very fast in dance. He acted like I had no talent all of a sudden and reminded me on this a lot.
    His older wife would come to some shows but generally stayed out of the picture and he acted like he wasn't married a lot of the time.
    He was so sweet, cute and friendly and built us up but towards the end I didn't know what was happening. Then before he went on tour, he began changing toward me, and I felt a kind of (love?) or a boyish excitement when he was near me. On my birthday he wrote me a strange message with a lot of hugs and kisses which is weird from him because he's so controlled.
    I felt that kind of pang in my stomach which was a mix of pleasure and also dread. If I was in love with him I don't think that dread would be there. I was more happy that the bad times had ended and flattered.
    But afterwards he didn't reply to messages whenI want dot talk about shows. I asked him if he had a crush because he was acting weird.
    He then said "do you have feelings for me?" and I said I just saw him as a friend but he shouldn't feel hurt because he's an attractive guy.
    Then he said "I understand your feelings for me but I'm married."
    The next day his wife calls me with a torrent of abuse and threatening me.
    I felt horrible and depressed. I couldn't get out of bed to dance for months. Afterwards he kept fighting with me and telling me I was obsessed because I'd try to rekindle the friendship.
    Then he said "just because I refuse to fuck you you can't let it go."

    What I want to know is - is this a game? Or does he genuinely think I'm in love and has fooled himself into thinking it?

    I was progressing so much in dance and it all stopped. I feel like I've been robbed after giving so much to the group and being kind and affectionate with him. I feel cheap and shitty and stupid for thinking he was my friend.

    He definitely cannot handle anyone challenging his authority or unmasking him or he sees it as a deceit, and yet I think he is definitely a cheater and with both men and women.

    I don't even know what I meant to him and why he had this boyish vulnerability if he's bi and a cheater.

    And yet I still love and miss him and want to take care of him as if he's my little brother??? I don't get it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes this is a game, and he is having lots of fun it seems.

      Delete
    2. And you are actually very cheap and stupid if you continue to play his game. You now have two options: 1. loose your mind and dignity because of your childish hope that he isnt actively trying to destroy you for fun and become his toy which eventually will end up in the trash, 2. No Contact, you win.

      Delete
    3. I would posit that you are quite young and inexperienced. This man is a predator, and you are an idiot if you continue to have any contact with him whatsoever.

      Patsy Cline said: “Initially there was a group of 20 students in the class but we moved locations and he focused on me a lot and there was just one other dancer in the group."

      Yeah, ok. You changed locations, and your windbag of a narc dance teacher didn’t have the charisma or the skill to attract followers, except for you, and some other patsy. What does that tell you? Turns out you were the better pick. Hey! It was 50/50. So of course “he focused on you”. You were only one of 2 people, ffs- and his only asset at the time. D-uh.

      Things change when new people are brought into the mix. A guy like your dance teacher is a megalomaniacal little prick. He likes to be the center of attention. He’s the “hot shit”. But dig a little deeper and you’ll see it: his personal life is falling apart around him. He doesn’t have any real friends. He has accumulated tons of enemies. He is a chronic user. I’ll bet he is with someone 20 years his senior because he or she possesses advantages that he can exploit, be they social or financial. Not that he gives a shit. He’ll keep lying, cheating and finding new marks.

      The more information you provide about your emotional state and inner motivations, the more he will use them to denigrate you. Do not share anything intimate with this person, because he will use it against you. He’ll build you up, and break you down over and over again until he has toyed with your feelings so much that you won’t know which way is up or down. He’ll attempt to use emotional manipulation in order to mould you into the perfect little lapdog- and chances are, he will do this only on a semi-conscious level, because as a pathological narcissist, he probably lacks self-awareness.

      Furthermore, you are seeing sociopaths crawl out of the woodwork, from which I am able to deduce that you are a magnet for them. You are likely unconsciously broadcasting your weaknesses and vulnerabilities in such a manner as to attract these kinds of people to your life, which probably means that you do not know how to set boundaries, nor assert yourself adequately.

      You miss him “like you would a little brother” because he has managed to weasel his way into your life, and stroke your ego in *just* such a way as to make his attention *very* flattering. He knows how to exploit your natural desire to “protect” him (and therefore his interests) by pretending to be vulnerable when it suits his agenda. He’ll feed you tidbits and sob stories so as to play on your sympathies, and thereby seek to control you. Don’t let him.

      Fuck the little crumbs he tosses in your direction, every so often. You aren’t special to him. You don’t love him. Any ‘feelings” you might have are the result of his emotional manipulation, and this is why you are confused about them.

      Don’t be an anus. Gtfo before he can do any more damage.

      You’re a fool if you don’t, and what ensues will be your own fault.

      You’re welcome. :P

      Delete
  37. I have a question, what do you think of people who, when you have hurt them, going into "safe mode" and limit their self expression? Do you laugh at them, feel satisfied, confused? Do you think this is the correct outcome, or don't care?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I get angry at these people. Why? Because I feel that I haven't done anything that would warrant such a response. I don't go out of my way to hurt people, so if I do it is typically a misunderstanding. I feel justified in my actions and that if this shelled up person had a better capacity for understanding, then they wouldn't be feeling the way they do. I feel like instead of evaluating the interaction, and working toward a resolution, they wall up. To me that is a cop-out. It shows a lack of effort on their part. Shutting people out and halting communication that could potentially result in a solution is like running away from what’s bothering you... and no one likes a quitter. Really, I’m angry because I’m frustrated. I see a hurt person, understand that they see it as my fault, and it bothers me that they’ve made it more difficult to correct the mistake.

      Delete
  38. everyone on here is dead?

    ReplyDelete
  39. Yes, this is a game.

    ReplyDelete

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