Saturday, August 20, 2016

How to break up with a sociopath (part 2)

One of the more popular posts here (not a good sign for the enduring likability of sociopaths) is how to break up with a sociopath, in which I basically advocate to take the time-honored defensive tactic (in both the animal and human kingdoms) -- make yourself as unappealing of a target as possible. 

For whatever reason, this suggestion has been sometimes controversial. People wonder why it is up to them to act like a loser just to throw the sociopath off their scent. I don't know what to say to that, except that not everything in this world is fair and I'm just describing what I have found to work best. 

Here is a recent comment on that post with someone working the system with success:

I was finally able to shake my sociopathic boyfriend by becoming annoying, helpless and whiney about things that didn’t involve him in my life. (I am the most independent, self-sufficient person I know). At first, he was just angry, but nothing changed, he still wouldn't leave me alone, still tried to yank my chain all the time and hurt me. But after a while, me acting like I was a total hot mess got WAY too annoying for him. 

I made it seem that I was no longer playing the game with him, but I was far too preoccupied by other meaningless drama and problems in my life that had nothing to do with him. My health, my aging parents, my boring job……….he had no interest in those things.

Since he lacked the ability to care about when I was going through hard times, and also refused to help me (or anyone) in any way, no matter the situation, he got bored because I was no longer engaging with him, and I seemed like I was on the edge of reason because of other things.

He finally lost interest for good and moved on to other ‘marks’ that were easy prey. He’d check back in every once and a while to see if I was back to my old self whom he could get some sort of rise out of. And I kept up the “helpless, depressed, flighty, hot-mess” persona every single time.

I’m free now, but I know if he had ANY idea how I played him on that one, he’d probably kill me.

Here's another recent comment with someone else not doing what I advised:

After doing a ton of research, and actually finding THIS blog, I figured a lot of things out. And I ended things for good with him. I kept it as short and sweet as possible, but put back his own bad behavior on him, told him I no longer found this acceptable because of what it was doing to me, and told him I was done and I wanted him to leave me alone.

(After researching, that was the wrong thing to do, because a sociopath does not want to be called on their behavior or think anything is their fault, but MY self preservation took priority over his mind games! I was no longer concerned with if he was happy or if I was fulfilling his needs, I was trying to save myself.)

Now he's SUPER angry with me and obsessed with getting me (or rather, what i DID for him previously) back. Not that he wants to be nice or anything, but he's angry at me DESPITE how horribly he's treated me, that I no longer love him.

I think the reason he is angry and will not leave me alone is because I stopped the game. And he wasn't quite ready to stop. I think I took that "power" over the situation away from him by refusing to play. And that's what makes him SO angry and obsessive.

I don't get it. My mind doesn't work that way. He doesn't want ME. He doesn't love ME. He got off on the GAME. He got off on thinking he had power over me because I LOVED him.

Now that's gone and it wasn't on his terms. I had no idea where the game ended and had a feeling the final part of the game was to destroy me. To see me fall apart. I refuse to do that. When I get to that point with a person, I cut and run. I simply cannot allow myself to self-destruct for someone who has done so little for me and who has hurt me so terribly. And in his mind, that's unfair. I didn't let him finish the game. THAT'S why he can't let go.

Your man didn't get to finish his game on his terms.

Nobody has to do anything they don't want to do, of course. But realize that you make compromises to keep the peace in your life all of the time. You may feel strongly about abortion (either way), or politics, or religion, etc. etc. etc. But most of the time you don't go around confronting people on these issues trying to get them to validate your own position, when you should know that they aren't likely to do any such thing and any attempts you make to do so will just lead to a heated argument. Likewise, you wouldn't argue with a three year old about what is their optimal bedtime. The easiest way to avoid a confrontation with a sociopath is not to make a big production out of breaking up with them because you find them to be unsuitable, but to make them think like whatever is happening is their decision and they are in control. Public Service Announcement over!

76 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Here I was thinking I'd get it this time. Well played, Vegas.

      -Zero

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    2. Zero-

      Thank you.:)

      I like your name.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  2. The "FIRST!" comments fucking annoys me for some reason.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If that really annoys you - you need to ask yourself why.

      Vegas continue with being first. Don't give thought to "alter annoyance projections."
      Lol

      Delete
    2. Superchick-

      Thank you.:)

      I think I will!!!

      I think it's fun.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    3. If you're annoyed, first look at yourself. How you react is the only thing you can control.

      Mr. Hyde

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  3. M.E.

    I stumbled over a victims' website some months ago in which the author described how she successfully used your proposed method to escape her sociopathic partner.

    I don't have a link for you. It appeared in my FB feed. I thought at the time it might interest you as she quotes (but I'm not sure if she attributes??) your original article.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn that's a boring bitch

      Delete
  4. "The easiest way to avoid a confrontation with a sociopath is not to make a big production out of breaking up with them . . ."

    What if the sociopath's bulling in question is hurting the health of thousands of vulnerable people? What if this socio is a CEO of a powerful corporation contracted to help people with disabilities? What if this CEO caused real physical to the very people they are paid multi-minions to protect and serve?

    Do we do nothing, or hold them publicly accountable and make them stop injuring people? How do you think a high functioning socio-CEO would take revenge on the whistleblower? What if the very respectable CEO also has unsavory connections to the underworld? Would they simply attempt to discredit the whistleblower through the media (CEO is a former journalist) or would they, facing public exposure, reach for darker tools?

    I would be very curious to hear M.E.'s opinion and ideas on how she thinks the whistleblower should handle themselves, what tactics and strategies she would suggest.

    Thank you, M.E. I love your blog and have found it very informative.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon @ 10:06 AM-

      "I would be very curious to hear M.E.'s opinion and ideas on how she thinks the whistleblower should handle themselves, what tactics and strategies she would suggest."

      I am also interested in this topic.

      Psychopaths/Sociopaths-

      Any opinions/ideas/tactics/strategies on how the "whistle blower" should handle themselves???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. Anon @ 10:06 AM-

      "Thank you, M.E. I love your blog and have found it very informative."

      I agree.

      Yes-thank you, M.E.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  5. Don't we think M.E. should get on Sociopath Community?

    ReplyDelete
  6. M.E.-

    Regarding your tweet:

    "We remake our mind with our choices and this is our liberty."

    I LOVED THAT-SO TRUE!!!

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. M.E.-

      I like your re-tweet of "Mrs. Socio Path".:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. M.E.-

      Your Nancy Leong re-tweet was good, as well.:)

      "This headline is a metaphor for basically the entire world."

      So true-unfortunately.:(

      I haven't been able to watch as much of the Olympics as I would like, but have seen some of the swimming and gymnastics.:)

      I have to say, that Michael Phelps is A BEAST, in the water!!!

      Ryan Lochte is a great swimmer, and HE IS HOT!!! I watched a little bit of the reality show he had-mostly, just to look at him.:) HA!!! LOL!!! I need to read the story, about him saying, that he got robbed in Rio...

      The US Women's Gymnastics Team IS AWESOME!!! I saw Simone Biles and Aly Raisman-THEY ROCKED IT!!! YOU GO, GIRLS!!! I like bars, beam, vault, and floor-my favorite is the floor exercise.:) I love the tumbling, dance, and music-of course.:) I once actually used a Metallica song, for one of my floor routines-it was an especially great song, for the tumbling runs.:)

      ~Vegas

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  7. Well I must say I'm flattered: M.E. recently tweeted _two_ of my comments.

    Mr. Hyde

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    Replies
    1. Mr. Hyde.

      You are a woman to tweet.

      OldAndWise

      Delete
  8. I'm so lost in life lately. I haven't left my house in a month except to go to my local shop and buy snacks to eat in my room. I've been so down that i stopped playing video games and that's unheard of for me because in my most melancholic moods video games always lifted my mood.

    I have two personalities that constantly war inside me. One likes to beat his chest and believes hes the king of everything. And the other thinks I'm not welcome anywhere and people will dislike me. I just wish I knew how to kill off my latter self and go back to my old true alpha self.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am the one who cries out at night
    For somebody to change my very core
    Not sure why I live in endless fright
    Doomed to love only myself for evermore

    I am the one who has no real friends
    Shallow people flocking to my banner
    Always trying to make easy amends
    Cherishing my own overbearing manner

    Life - always fragile
    I will never change
    Love - always fleeting
    I will never change

    Life - always fragile
    I will never change
    Love - always fleeting
    I will never change

    But I wouldn't want to live like this forever
    Maybe I really was too clever
    But I wouldn't want to end like that
    I would die lonely and incredibly sad

    I will never drag myself out of this
    The shadows of my past bogging me down
    Feeling lost in turmoil and crisis
    My face forever set in an endless frown

    I have been hurt beyond mental repair
    Thence destined to suffer eternal damnation
    No one can be there for me to care
    But without I will never find salvation

    Lust - always empty
    But I will never change
    Death - always tempting
    But I will never change

    ReplyDelete
  10. I have a question:

    I've seen it stated here, that a "Narc" parent creates a psychopath/sociopath. Then, what type of parent "created" the "Narc" parent??? A psychopath/sociopath parent, a "Narc" parent, etc.???

    ~Vegas

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    Replies
    1. I also have a question regarding narcissists: if you break up with such a person, is it the same like if you break up with a sociopath?

      alice

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    2. Hi alice,

      Leaving my narc husband was a complete nightmare.

      Completely different experience with the sociopath: more emotionally intense for me, more down-the-rabbit-hole.

      It depends what's at stake and for whom.

      Did you have a particular question in mind?

      Delete
    3. thanks for your answer north. So you had both, a narcissistic and a sociopathic boyfriend? I don't have any particular questions... I just wanted to know if it is similar and if these two ways to break up also can be applied to narcs. But if you would share your story (how you finally got rid of this guy) I would really appreciate it. I'm asking because I'm going to break up with my boyfriend and I'm quite sure he is a narc... but I'm not sure yet if I should change my tactic in consideration of this post...

      alice

      Delete
    4. Hi alice,

      You're in a good position suspecting he is a narc and researching.

      I had no idea. Long story short: I was desperately miserable and wanted to blow up my life. I had an affair with the sociopath. That was effective, but not wise.

      Still, experience is the best teacher and I'm creating a much better life from ground zero.

      Ok, so once I figured my lover was sociopathic, I began to realise some other things. My father is a narc. He's the only that knew about my affair and I asked him for help, although I managed to inflict a narcissistic injury on him in the process simply by asking him to first listen to me before speaking (yes!) Anyway - I stopped speaking to him.

      The reason I include this vignette is that his reaction informed some later realisations about my husband.

      My dad flipped. I was his chief reflector. I *was* him in his mind, and in the minds of everyone in my family, in fact. He had everyone working to influence me to speak to him again. All his exes. All my siblings. He was making life hell for them. It was very uncomfortable, but I had bigger things to deal with and only started talking to him when ready.

      My husband tried everything to get me to stay - ably aided by my mother (fuck, that was fucked.) As I tried to walk out the door, he promised to remarry me, and my mother encouraged this. He did that right after I informed him of the affair, as I was trying to leave. Love-bombing like crazy - along with lavish gifts for my birthday, he wrote "I love you" in blood on paper, placed amongst flowers (he later said he hated the sociopathic guy every single second of doing that.)

      I don't really want to talk about that period. He was controlling to the max. I couldn't even roll over in bed without him flipping the fuck out. I don't want to talk about it.

      But basically, as I was learning more about my dad and his narcissism, I found an article that describes what happens when a partner of a narc cheats and it was a pattern I recognised in both my dad trying to get me back and of course in my husband. It was literally exactly as the article described (I can't find it now.)

      A very key difference between sociopaths and narcs is that for narcs, the control and manipulation is linked to a very, very fragile ego.

      "Their fear of abandonment overshadows almost everything else in a narcissist’s life. For example, if he gets emotionally close to someone he begins to fear that abandonment is inevitable. That causes him to act cruel and distance himself which often results in the abandonment that he feared."

      Delete
    5. By this stage, after police involvement, suicide threats, death threats against our kids and what-not, I was learning to be very careful. It felt to be a very dangerous time, very volatile. I was gradually pulling myself away in my mind and taking steps to put some physical distance between me and him in the home. This helped me get clarity and focus around what I wanted to do. I came to grips with losing my home, I created a clear vision of how I wanted to live, where I wanted to live, how to manage the kids' schooling etc. These things flowed automatically once I started listening to what I wanted (perhaps you are at a similar stage now??)

      Then one morning when we were training in the gym, he was demanding some justification of my feelings or behaviour which were apparently making him feel threatened and I just said "I don't have to justify myself to you." That was it. Something changed in my brain at that instant. 20 minutes later, as I was riding on my indoor trainer, I knew I was ready to leave him.

      I attended a work meeting that night and told two people I planned to leave. My sociopathic ex-lover was there and it was an interesting little dynamic and though we didn't speak directly, it was enough of a dopamine hit. I then told my genuinely-caring rugby coach at a team dinner.

      That was enough to crystallise it, apparently. I went home. He was being ridiculous. I moved that very night to sleeping in a swag on our verandah. I had commissioned a cabin to be built in our backyard as a way for giving myself some space and once it was ready, I moved in there and started planning how to achieve the vision I had already dreamed for myself. Two years later, that vision, amazingly, is exactly realised. It's beautiful. I own a small apartment, my kids have stayed at their school and I have my dog with me two nights a week.

      My advice is to explore what you want and go for it when you are ready. Trust your own judgement. As an example, I stayed in that cabin for twelve months because I needed to be close to my children. I thought he was too volatile (there are many more contextual reasons - it may sound very strange, but I am very glad I went with my gut feel on this.)

      As much as possible, ground yourself in your own reality and in what you want. From there, it's all risk management and trusting your own judgement. You'll need to be prepared that he will do all sorts of things, but keep to your own path. There are reasons he is as he is - and they are not about you. It's in this way and this way only that I held mercy for my ex-husband. The bonus of this attitude was that I learnt to distinguish myself from him and recognise my own personhood. I wasn't responsible from him.

      It's nearly two years on and he still hasn't fully let go. He had weaved me into the fabric of his mind, his identity. It was painful for him. But I was not willing to sacrifice myself any longer to shore up his mind. I'm on my own path now. It's about sticking to our own paths, the paths that have heart for us.

      Delete
    6. That was a bit longer than I originally planned. I haven't ever put that narrative together before. I hope that was of some use.

      You'll do well. That's the important thing to realise. You are ok now and you can trust yourself to handle it. Tap your feelz as sources of info before any action you take - I don't mean act instantly on them, but just draw them into your considerations because that's how you know what you want.

      Delete
    7. thank you very much north, your story and experiences are really helpful. It reinforces my decision to leave him. You can be very proud that you achieved your goals and that you and your children are finally independent from this guy etc... I hope it will be a little bit less complicated in my case (we don't have children and I already destroyed his reputation among the people which are relevant to me), but I will know soon...

      alice

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    8. Thankyou alice. And I'm glad the story was helpful. I find being able to creative a narrative is useful for me too - it's a sense-making tool and helps me let go.

      All the best with your journey - I'm cheering for ya!

      Delete
  11. Damn that's an ugly bitch

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  12. M.E.-

    Thank you for the "PSA".:)

    I wish I had more time, to comment more.

    I am enjoying all of your tweets.:)

    Regarding the following tweet:

    "You can tell what people really are only if you can keep part of yourself apart and watch without becoming attached to the outcome."

    Absolutely.:)

    THAT ONE'S "GOLDEN"!!!

    ~Vegas

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    Replies
    1. M.E.-

      You are a "diamond".:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. M.E.-

      PS-I swear, we are telepathically linked!!!

      I was just talking today about a tropical vacation, and then, there is your retweet of the "Desert Island Journal".:)

      I LOVED THAT!!!

      It made me LOL, and I needed a giggle today!!!

      You read me, like a book.:)

      You are "pure gold", M.E.-pure gold.:)

      And, my "Wonderwall".:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  13. How I Get My Ex Back
    Me and my boyfriend were together for 8 months & its been 6 months since we separated. I still love him, but some how feel its unfair. Why love someone who ovb doesnt love you back? Ive prayed & prayed for these months & nothing. He is still with his new girlfriend(whom he lives with) but it doesnt mean I have to look for help The first weeks after the break up I was in my knees praying looking for help, them i fine a comment online how a spell caster help to restored relationship get ex lover back, ” so i decided to give a try coz i love my boyfriend so much. so i contacted Dr happy tell him all my problem and he gave me 100%guarantee that i will have my boyfriend back after the spell so i was gifted and lucky to have contacted him i did every thing he ask of me and to my greatest surprise a day after the spell my boyfriend call me and apology for what he did to me and ask for my forgiveness to come back home for me, I get really hurt & go through those moments in which he left me after all Dr happy did for me, i forgive him and he come back home with more love and happiness all thanks to Dr happy the real Africa spell caster so far google recommended this year so plz if you need any help contact him too on this. You see in conclusion you have to just trust the process, Dr happy is a good real spell caster so call him up on +2348133873774

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    ReplyDelete
  14. As someone that was recently broken up with - i can relate with the sociopath in question. My instinctive response is to be angry and obsessively try and win her back - but through ineffective means. But i do love her and a good friend pointed out that i was being an asshole. As a self-aware sociopath, i have been able to correct my actions and try to win her back the right way. I.e. i am genuinely being nice to her and showing respect and kindness and the love she deserves. It is against my nature, at times, but will be well worth it. I just need to constantly remind myself of her needs and wants and feelings.

    -Fellow Sociopath

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    Replies
    1. Hi Fellow Sociopath,

      May I ask how old you are? Would you mind sharing a little more of your experience?

      Thanks

      Delete
    2. Please be aware that she may have cut ties and that the best course of action for you is to let her go. If you truly care for her (which I suspect you do not), you'd let her be loved by someone able to love her back in the way that is healthy and equal.

      I believe you will do as you want..but it is only conquest. It is not what she ultimately deserves. I hope she is able to completely sever ties from you.

      Delete
    3. @North - I'm young, early 20s. Why do you ask? I was always told by therapists and doctors that my issues were various things. They never officially diagnosed me, they weren't sure what to say. Recently a good friend suggested i may be a sociopath, at which point he revealed that he was also one. I did some introspection and "self diagnosed" myself as being a sociopath. Though, i don't like saying "diagnosed", as i don't see it as a disease, but rather a pattern of behaviour and thoughts.

      @Shandin - I do care for her and the situation is more complicated than i have revealed. But she knows I'm a sociopath and it's something we've discussed extensively. I see no deceit or otherwise wrongdoing in my actions.

      Delete
    4. Oops, forgot to sign my last comment.

      Also wanted to clarify...I view sociopathy as a disease no more than empathy is a disease.

      -Fellow Sociopath

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    5. Fellow Sociopath,

      "Adaptation follows a different path in each person. The nervous system creates its own paths. You're the neurologist - you must see this all the time" ~ Physiotherapist to Oliver Sacks, neurologist

      Neurologist and case chronicler Oliver Sacks has a definition of health that may interest you:

      This sense of the brain’s remarkable plasticity, its capacity for the most striking adaptations, not least in the special (and often desperate) circumstances of neural or sensory mishap, has come to dominate my own perception of my patients and their lives. So much so, indeed, that I am sometimes moved to wonder whether it may not be necessary to redefine the very concepts of “health” and “disease”, to see these in terms of the ability of the organism to create a new organization and order, one that fits its special, altered disposition and needs, rather than in the terms of a rigidly defined “norm.”

      Sickness implies a contraction of life, but such contractions do not have to occur. Nearly all of my patients, so it seems to me, whatever their problems, reach out to life—and not only despite their conditions, but often because of them, and even with their aid.


      I highly recommend his book, An Anthropologist on Mars, the preface of which you can find here.

      I asked about age because experience furnishes us with greater context. You're young - I knew so little at that age!

      From my perspective, the thing with being a relationship with a sociopath is the difference in emotional experience. When it's not a game or conquest*, it's this disjunct that is a little... unnerving. And it's this way because we don't receive the emotional signals that indicate things are "on track", so to speak. I actually think these emotional signals usually offer us predictability. Gavin de Becker:

      an inability to predict behavior is absolutely intolerable for human beings and every other social animal. (The fact that most people act predictably is literally what holds human societies together.)

      In lieu of emotional signals, communication consistent with behaviour (ie integrated communication) can serve well.

      We can't help but love. To be in a relationship with a sociopath, one can love, but one must stand on their own two feet.

      *@Shandin Sociopaths are still social creatures and have social needs, so I think it's not always merely a case of conquest. They have their own value to offer in their own way. No relationship with any human being is "safe". It's my goal as an adult to be fully responsible for myself and I have the capacity to do that. Greater awareness enables us to seek collaborations of mutual aid in far broader range of contexts. This is how I have adapted to life after my heart-breaking experience, and I'm much better for it.

      Delete
    6. Just pondering a little... Given all my experiences, it's difficult for me to view relationship dynamics without perceiving the underlying mechanisms and the functions of those mechanisms. This commenced to be the case before I even met **-*; but obviously I learnt far more than I bargained for with him!

      C.S. Lewis argued that understanding the human condition doesn't devalue experience and I agree with this. I am gradually, day by day, learning to experience life more fully and without the fraught drive to achieve that I have had. And strangely, I seem to be achieving more with less effort.

      Delete
    7. Even sociopaths have an appreciation for predictable behaviour. In fact, predictable behaviour is something I use to my advantage on a regular basis - to blend in, to protect myself.

      You provided such an excellent response! I will have to ponder it for some time.

      -Fellow Sociopath

      Delete
  15. Dear sociopath,

    I tried this method on my father (he's from a different culture and has a little group of religious/cultural peers) and he tried to get me institutionnalized.
    Now it's back to the usual shadowy death threats and blatant solicitude in public.

    But it almost worked I must admit.
    I'm looking forward to another method if that exists.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *rampant solicitude, bad english

      Delete
  16. Or, how about break it off, force him away, and include law enforcement if he/she doesn't comply?

    ReplyDelete
  17. I understand that sociopaths are hard to psychologically shake...but once you've made the decision...and the idiot won't leave...get a restraining order and protect yourself. Don't ever feel like you have to play a role for them NOT to commit the crime of stalking or otherwise. That shit is on them.

    ReplyDelete

  18. This is a off topic thought.....
    But .....
    Sometimes I wonder when empaths shame their former partners or former friends to others - if they themselves don't have a cluster b personality. We attract likes ....not opposites. Just we've repressed things in us that make it look like we're opposites to each other ...... that's why we need one another. I wonder if empaths just morph themselves into believing their empaths and believe the illusion they're better in society and sociopaths are those monsters over there to protect yourself from. See it's all a projection to me. It reflects within.

    It's just kind fucked up to me. The hypocritical stance of the human race is pathetic because I just witnessed a group of people on social media shame someone left - right and center.

    " Beware beware about this person." On a blog post.... one comment after another ...like people rallying at an election with stories from their own particular stance and views. Everyone spewing out bits and pieces over there and over here to alleviate their own propaganda. The crowd getting riled up everyones everyone's shit.

    Everyone's diagnosing everyone on social media to alleviate their own pathetic conscience.

    This is where humans suck. Thanks for tuning in. Nights.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Once people find validation for their perspective, it seems too much of a temptation to resist jumping on a soapbox. It feels good to be "right" - ie normal, accepted. I saw this in a 4-day course I attended last week too. Quite a different topic, but a similar mechanism.

      Yep, I agree. It's a far more fruitful course to take the speck from our own eyes. And perhaps to accept ourselves for who we are. Then there is less need to have people behave as *we* wish them to.

      Diversity is beautiful. Being able to value others starts from valuing one's self.

      Delete
    2. Thanks for sharing North. I get what your saying :)

      Delete
    3. North,

      "It's a far more fruitful course to take the speck from our own eyes."

      Yup. Well put. Clears the vision for seeing ourselves and others more truly, with less projection.

      The mote in our eye can turn us and others into devils.

      Mr. Hyde

      Delete
  19. * The crowd getting riled up believing everyone's shit

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  20. M.E.-

    Thank you for the tweet with "The Crown Ain't Worth Much"!!!

    I love to read, and that sounds like a book, that I'd like a lot!!!

    Thanks, again.:)

    ~Vegas

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    Replies
    1. M.E.-

      PS-I loved your Katie Rich retweet:

      "Now I'm going to have a hard time believing men when they say they've been robbed."

      That made me giggle.:)

      HA!!! LOL!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. M.E.-

      PPS-Your tweet:

      "integrity has its own rewards"

      IS AWESOME!!!

      I completely agree.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    3. M.E.-

      When I was reading your book, I was wishing I was on your Brazil trip with you-I want to go to Brazil!!! Watching the Olympics in Rio, made me wish I was there.:) I want to go to Carnival!!! Then, I'll go visit the "Christ The Redeemer Statue".:) Since I'm not in the tropics at the moment, I threw on some anklets.:) I like ankle jewelry in the summer-I think they are sexy, and they make me feel, like I'm on vacation!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    4. M.E.-

      Did you go to the tropics without me???

      HA!!! LOL!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  21. The absolute best way to break up with a sociopath is to turn the tables. Become the most unstable you can bear stomach. They are your world. Wake them crying at 3am, whine and nit pic, become the cockroach they want to stomp out. I guarantee they will loathe you for it and it's quite exhilarating.

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  22. However, I should add that I am also on the spectrum and probably got more out of this then the average neurotypical empath.

    ReplyDelete
  23. all this talk of sociopaths using manipulation and mind games is stupid. sociopaths are like feral animals they live in the moment and can't plan. they are very clever in the short term but they end up failures because they are unable to make good decisions for long term. that's why they are more spontaneous and charismatic that your average joe because they are basically an animal with no self consciousness that a human has.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yea. they operate on pure id in freudian terms.

      Delete
  24. Socio Expert,

    If they weren't good at mind games and manipulation there wouldn't be so many high-functioning socios in politics, media, banking, etc. Even Dr. Hare, the supposed top expert, has said that he's been fooled by them.

    As for socios being animals with limited self-consciousness, so is the rest of humanity. I know I'm limited, have made many mistakes and poor decisions. For the most part I can live with that, however, because I observe and absorb the perspectives of others as much as possible. Which helps fill in my mental and other gaps and is both amusing and enlightening. (There are many facets to being a plant, animal or human.)

    It's easier to enjoy the world through the eyes of others when we lay off making harsh judgments, resist calling people "animals with no self-consciousness."

    You might try it and be surprised.

    Mr. Hyde

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i think it's possible for someone with psychopathic traits to become successful not a clinical psychopath. a psychopath is burdened with a personality disorder. by definition such a person would be unable to become successful, no matter how bright they are. a personality disorder is 24 7 and effects the afflicted in every moment.

      Delete
    2. but I think it is possible to have a personality disorder even if you do not have all symtoms. I mean you can also be a psychopath when you do not have all points on the pcl-r test, so you do not absolutely need to have all the listed character traits. Due to this I think it could be possible that someone only have the "positive" traits and is thus able to be successfull but still be a psychopath by definition... (but of course this could be wrong... I'm not a psychologist...)

      alice

      Delete
    3. Mr. Hyde,

      I saw that you asked about me. I have been meaning to respond, and here I am.

      "Right over the garage."

      https://thehandofcountpetofi.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/vlcsnap-00019.png

      Delete
    4. Parnasse!

      Good to see you back. I'm unfamiliar with this clip. Lol. Clue me in.;)

      Mr. Hyde

      Delete
    5. Mr. Hyde: "I'm unfamiliar with this clip. Lol."

      Parnasse: "Oh, you're good. You're good. You're good. You are. You're fantastic. You really are. I'm impressed!"

      Mr. Hyde: "Clue me in. ;)"

      Parnasse: "Guess you'll figure something out. ;)"

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQ1QUgmwiVA

      Parnasse: Just imagine they're older, as I did with "Let the Right One In."

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNbU0pfZp7g

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WL4112MJURc

      Delete
    6. Mr. Hyde,

      Just to be clear, I did not mean to imply that you were “dumb” through the conduits of my message. That would have tarnished a great injustice onto the fabric of our rare design. Honestly, I had hoped that you would omit that line. You know how much I value your uncommon intelligence, and that is a fact. While unrelated to one’s intellect, that first part of my message was meant to be delivered through the inner channel of a jest. A quip, as I have done in previous exchanges. :)

      The second part of my message was meant to vibrate the depths of “Let the Right One In” to the outer surface. Only you can grasp its significance, I believe.

      “In youth I have known one with whom the Earth
      In secret communing held-as he with it,
      In daylight, and in beauty, from his birth:
      Whose fervid, flickering torch of life was lit
      From the sun and stars, whence he had drawn forth
      A passionate light such for his spirit was fit
      And yet that spirit knew-not in the hour
      Of its own fervor-what had o'er it power.” – Edgar Allan Poe, In Youth I Have Known One

      The tale of a person born with a “torch of life” that smarted forevermore. So smarts your torch, Mr. Hyde.

      Delete
  25. M.E.-

    Would you expand on this, from your previous post???

    "You may think you owe him nothing, but the relationship matters to the sociopath in ways you cannot guess or understand."

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good question.

      Mr. Hyde

      Delete
    2. Mr. Hyde-

      Thank you.:)

      Those are the "Golden Nuggets", to me.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
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