Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Raising cain

This is an interesting blog about raising an adopted son/psychopath. Here's a little teaser from the most recent post:
We came back home and checked the video tape. Remember the video system we installed? Yeah, we had it on. And he knew it.

Our camera was set up to look down the hallway past his bedroom and bathroom door. I left the light on in the hallway so the camera could record all night. The video showed me go into his room to kiss him goodnight and then head upstairs to bed. A minute later it showed Lucas come out of his room, look directly at the camera, turn the hallway light out and go back into his room. He knew exactly what he was doing.

A few minutes later the video showed my wife go into the bathroom. The light in Lucas’ bedroom was still on and it spilled out into the hallway, so the camera picked this up. The camera also picked up Lucas coming out of his room, getting down on his hands and knees, and looking under the bathroom door. A few minutes later Lucas hurriedly got up and ran back into his room, just as my wife exited the bathroom, completely unaware of what had just happened.

The camera showed my wife saying goodnight to Lucas and turning out Lucas’ bedroom light.

A few minutes later, after my wife had gone to bed, the light in Lucas’ closet turned on. I could tell it was the closet light because that light is fluorescent and looks blue on camera. That light turned off 25 minutes later and the camera recorded nothing more...

26 comments:

  1. You know, I’m not a fan of that blog. It is as if the writer has turned the concept of raising a so called psychopath into a kind of voyeuristic fetish. Then again, I suppose all blogs do that to one degree or another, including this one. I don’t know. I read through that blog a little while ago and for some reason that I can’t quite put my finger on as yet, I didn’t like it.

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  2. I read through the blog a little, and Birdick's right. Something about his account is off. How is his son continuously getting himself into these situations if he is on constant lockdown? It almost seems like his parents are running an experiment on him. Put him in a "controlled" environment and record his interactions. I also have a problem with the account of obvious "attachment" he had with his previous foster family and the inability to attach to anyone that sprang up after the adoption.

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  3. M.E. I just wanted to get your advice on something, remember how you wrote that Sociopaths can't always label themselves as such, But they know that something is different with them(I'm saying different instead of wrong because were all people)
    I wanted to ask you, I want to tell a good friend of mine that I think she's one, I don't think she's aware that she's actually a sociopath, but I am sure she knows that she's different, My question, How do you tell a sociopath he is one without himself getting protective/defensive and maybe if I'm lucky then maybe even realizing and accepting?
    Thanks.

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  4. I am not M.E. but when has that stopped me before?

    A few questions anonymous. Why would you want to tell your friend she is a sociopath to begin with? Are you planning on performing some kind of intervention? Would it be to “help” her (meaning show her how sick she is) with the view towards guiding her towards “healing” (a euphemism for acting normal)? Is she causing you or others a great deal of suffering without any apparent guilt and you’d like her to stop? Why not just simply point out to her in the midst of a casual conversation that she seems cold or without much of a conscience or she seems to take great pleasure in playing mind games with people, etc? Why use the term sociopath at all and why would she need to accept this label if she doesn't want or need to?

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  5. ^I too am curious to know the answer to these questions.

    People tend to want to append labels in order to better deal with uncontrollable situations. Guy being an asshole? "Oh, well he's just a sociopath/psychopath/manic-depressive/etc., it's natural for them, so I won't have to take it personally. It's his problem, not mine."

    Also, Anonymous, what do you suppose your friend will do once he/she has accepted the label? It will likely only further justify his/her behaviour by making him/her believe that it's inherently a part of who they are.

    Is this really your objective?

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  6. Hi, About my friend, Actually no, My intention is not doing any sort of intervention with anyone, I'm quite aware that it's not a curable condition, and that if she's one she'll always stay one, I have two goals.
    My goal would be to help her, Not help change her or help "fix her" my goal would be to help her realize who she is and why she's doing the things she's doing, But that's only my secondary goal.

    My primary goal is to create a protective layer around me, Keeping her secret a secret, telling her that if she'll ever lie to anyone about me, Which she has done several times, I'd have a card which use in order to protect myself.

    Now neither of you answered any of my questions above, I know your not M.E. I was asking him, hopefully he reads those comments, But if you yourself are a sociopath and you wouldn't mind helping an empath out, I'd like to hear the answers you have to give.
    Thanks in advance.

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  7. My primary goal is to create a protective layer around me, Keeping her secret a secret, telling her that if she'll ever lie to anyone about me, Which she has done several times, I'd have a card which use in order to protect myself.

    Why can't I have a friend like you? Oh right, because normal, healthy "friends" don't typically blackmail each other.

    But if you yourself are a sociopath and you wouldn't mind helping an empath out.

    While I might not respect a lot of people, I do respect my fellow brothers'/sisters' right to privacy, unless of course revealing them benefits me somehow. And, at the moment, helping you would not benefit me in any tangible way.

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  8. Anonymous, it boils down to who she is, in your experience and whether your insight into her psyche is accurate or not. You don’t need to convince her she is a sociopath to protect yourself. You don’t need her reaction or permission at all. Just do what you need to do to protect yourself. Period. And seriously, if you need to go thru all this, maybe you should just drop her as a friend altogether anyway.

    M.E. used to not answer comments directly. I don’t know if that has changed or not. You should email him. He’s more likely to answer your email.

    And one last thing. You’ll have to do better than a muddled psychological label if controlling her is all you’re after.

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    Replies
    1. Like waaaaaayyy better than that. She's not gonna care about a label if she's a sociopath.

      Delete
  9. Ishtar
    "While I might not respect a lot of people, I do respect my fellow brothers'/sisters' right to privacy, unless of course revealing them benefits me somehow. And, at the moment, helping you would not benefit me in any tangible way."

    This post you just wrote won't benefit you in any tangible way too, And you still wrote it.

    Daniel, Thanks, Your advice was probably the best one, dropping her as a friend is probably the best solution anyway, See? Now that's why I like your way of thinking, If it's too much work I don't really gain anything, I shouldn't do it.

    I sometimes wish I was a sociopath, life just seem so much simpler that way.

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  10. Anonymous,
    M.E. does answer questions if you email him. I have not seen him respond to anyone's questions on this blog. I have been following the blog only about 1-2 months so anything before that I have no clue about.

    When you pose a question in a forum like this, you need to expect that you will get responses from others who follow the blog. That is what a forum is about. Questions that are specific to the creator of the blog should be addressed privately. M.E. does welcome your emails as he has posted in the top R hand corner his email address.

    You pose questions that are interesting for all since whether they would apply in some way to empaths who naturally in the course of their lives have dealings with sociopaths whether they may be co-workers, friends, lovers etc. It is hard to know how to respond sometimes, especially given that there does not seem to be much money or effort made into researching the disorder or finding ways to treat or deal with it, whether you are the person afflicted or one that has a connection to a person with sociopathology. As a result of this, much of what we read tends to sensationalized, black and white and would lead a person to believe that they need to get away fast before they are chopped up into little pieces and eaten for dinner.

    That is not fair, accurate or helpful to anyone. We all have a sixth sense about people and life in general. Some people are more well equipped with this than others. Maybe it is the same as common sense, I don't know. I would imagine that if your friend is a real threat to you, you would have some sense of that. In situations related to relationships whether they be lovers, family, friends etc, after many years of putting others before myself, I have come to the realization that I need to watch out closely for myself. I have reached a point where I consider myself to be the "core" that is supposed to be solid, steady and unable to be adversely affected by bullshit in the periphery of my "core". The bullshit includes many things but most important are the people and relationships. If any of those people threaten my core being whether it be an emotional or physical threat, I have learned to either withdraw completely from them or detach to a point where they don't have the same meaning to me therefore they canot hurt me. This way of thinking has been quite helpful to me.

    Life is to short to keep people in our live that are damaging in any way. We have no control over anyone and we cannot change them. Trying to change another person or give them person information about themselves that they do not ask for not only wastes our prescious time and energy but eludes an arrogance on our part.

    It implies that we believe that our way is the right way and that we somehow have a right to step in and intervene. If the other person is an adult and not our child, family or anyone that has not asked for our advice, it is best to not give it and make a decision whether this is a person we can accept the way they are. We need to ask ourselves whether the issues they present make it worth keeping around.

    Any other action could be very hurtful to not only the individual but also to yourself. To tell someone that they are a sociopath or otherwise hint at this is very serious, could be very insulting and should only from a professional.

    It is appropriate to point out behaviors that you do not like that affect you and set boundaries to keep yourself safe, but that is it. That is how I see it. I hope that I have been helpful. Maybe M.E. will see it differently. Good luck!

    Zan

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  11. This post you just wrote won't benefit you in any tangible way too, And you still wrote it.

    It got you to respond defensively, and I find such responses amusing, so it was beneficial.

    And one last thing. You’ll have to do better than a muddled psychological label if controlling her is all you’re after.

    Precisely; you need actual proof of her condition to have any success in exacting your brand of "justice," unless you'd like to be accused of the same type of slander you are accusing her of.

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  12. Birdick, youre the best. Good solid advice. Ive missed your presence on the blog...

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  13. I agree with anonymous. Daniel is very intelligent and gives great advice. Ishtar is just a bully and hater.
    I have the same problem with a S I know who keeps telling lies about me to our friends, but I just cant find a way to get rid of him or stop him from telling these lies. Any thoughts?

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  14. I read a bit of that blog a while ago, and I really didn't like it.

    I guess I take it personally... the kid sounds a bit like me when I was a kid (though I was considerably better behaved). I feel lucky that one of the main people responsible for raising me knew how to parent me in a way that would work because he was a sociopath and if I am not one (I am still debating...or maybe resisting a label), I at least have many of the characteristics.

    I think it's pretty clear that the blogger sees Lucas as a burden to endure or deal with, which is never going to help him.

    Which brings me to wonder if sociopaths are not best to raise sociopaths or those with sociopathic tendencies? My grandfather (who raised me, mostly) was able to love me because I was like him, to teach me because he understood me, to control me because he was more skilled at manipulation than I...and any time I pulled something, it was kind of like "look, I know this game, don't even try". It was the best I could have hoped for, really.

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  15. I just read some of this bullshit blog, and I simply don't understand what the problem is, especially this statement for example:

    This is what we are most afraid of. Now that he is a teenager he will be coming into contact with many more people. People who don’t know what to look for. They will see a perfectly normal and pleasant kid who is a joy to have around. They will keep their guard down until it’s too late.

    I would be thrilled if I had a child like that. Perhaps like N said, he simply needs the right kind of discipline; someone who actually understands how his mind functions. It would make for an interesting project to say the least.

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  16. The kid in this blog sound autistic, as one of the posters on the blog mentioned.

    Sociopaths - any normal person, in fact - can tell the difference between an inch and a mile.

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  17. I read this blog and completely disgusted with these parents. If it is even a real account. Some suggest it is a fictional story.

    If it is true, this parents are obviously narcissistic. The whole story behind the poor kid getting adopted by them demonstrates this.

    Ugh. And their methods of punishment? Crazy. Who puts a child in the corner for FOUR hours??? Year-long punishments? Absolutely nuts! Some defend these drastic measures because they're dealing with a "sociopathic" child.

    Pu-leaze! Any parent raising a child knows that all children are pretty sociopathic, egocentric, lie, manipulate, have little empathy, etc.

    To see this blogger go down the checklist of the DSM criteria of sociopathic behavior, was unbelievable. The kid's only 11, for Christ sake. I think my kid exhibited all this before the age of 3.

    To refer to another post on this site, these parents need to read the article posted in The Onion:
    http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-study-reveals-most-children-unrepentant-sociop,2870/

    Some people really have no business raising kids, especially these parents. Shame on them.

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  18. And another thing...

    How on EARTH does an 11 year old child have access to porn???

    When my son was younger, the home computer was in our living room & activity was supervised. No way he would even think to look up "men forcing women to have sex."

    I just don't buy this story.

    Sorry, for some reason that blog has me all worked up. (It's the momma bear in me)

    If this child is really sociopathic, they have gone about his child-rearing all wrong. Sociopaths don't respond well to punishment, but do respond to ego strocking. They should have spent their time telling this poor kid how valued he was.

    One post goes on about how the dad is trying to get the kid to open up and admit that he "raped" his teddy bear. Nuts, I know. When he finally breaks down and shows emotion, the dad seems somewhat encouraged that the kid expressed some feeling.

    And so what does he do? He makes him sit in the corner. No wonder this child is screwed up.

    Okay, I'm done. For now. As you were.

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  19. but the most concerning thing to us is that he’s learning to blend in. As long as we were with him he was great to have around. He has learned to control his behaviors when other people are watching. Good! But he is plotting and waiting, and the INSTANT nobody is watching, he acts

    the parents are complete idiots.

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  20. "the parents are complete idiots."

    Somehow these parents are reenforcing negative behavior. The kid gets no credit for good behavior, but apparently gets a whole freakin blog, and god knows what else, for bad behavior.

    Obviously the child is screaming for help.

    Done again.

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  21. What kind of parents would sensationalize their child's problems like that? They are absolutly evil. I might be using that word kind of lightly. But I am a sociopath and wouold never do something so needlessly cruel as to publicize my child's issues for the world to see. People like that should be sterilized.

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  22. Maybe We all kinda see ourselves in that kid being treated unfair, i know when i read your comments i think of that kid being me videotaped and exploited in such a way for every little mistake, its like a nightmare you cant wake up from.
    I personally dont feel anything strong about helping him, and infact would have no problem doing the same to any children even my own, one thing different though about me and them would be i wouldnt put it out for the world to see. crazy stupid reckless

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