Sunday, May 12, 2019

Happy Mother's Day

My mother has a bunch of kids, and I think that's a nice thing. I certainly liked having a bunch of siblings, because there were just better odds that you would like some of them. Or maybe more accurately, what ended up happening is that I liked certain of them for certain reasons and others of them for other reasons. They each have their strengths and it's great to have so many people at the sibling level who you can reach out to for whatever you might encounter.

Today I was going through and texting my friends who are mothers in whatever ways and wishing them a happy mother's day. I also chose photos I had in my phone to include with the well wishes. In my faith tradition, every woman is a mother, either currently or latent, so every woman gets celebrated on mother's day. And of course many women fill a mother-type role in our lives.

Today I wondered what sort of daughter-like role I fill in my mother's life or the lives of other people who have had a mothering type relationship. I think on the one hand that I am a little bit of an unusual specimen. I don't care in the same ways that people classically care and I don't love in the ways that people classically love. But in choosing photos to send to my loved ones, I mostly tried to let them know that I understood their situation and their loves. For my friends who are animal lovers (maybe even as much lovers of their animals as their own children), I sent photos of them and their animals. I knew that most other people would be thinking of their mother role as humans, so I wanted to let them know that I understood that their mother role to their animals was just as important to them.

For my own mother, I sent her a photo that I had of her mother, taken during high school. Her mother is deceased and my mother had a difficult relationship with her. But the photo I sent shows my grandmother perhaps at the height of her beauty and potential. I could have chosen hundreds of other photos to send: photos of my mother with her and her grandchildren, with her and her children, or any number of other combinations. But I thought this photo of her mother was best because everyone (including my mother) would be thinking about her today in reference to her roles as mother and grandmother. I chose to reflect an aspect of her motherhood that was likely to be a little overlooked today especially now that her mother has been dead for quite some time and is mostly off everyone's radar -- my mother's role as a daughter and the love she maintained for her mother despite their many differences.

This is probably one of the most boring posts I have posted, but I often do think about how sociopaths are different in small but meaningful ways, one of which is their ability to see quite clearly things that are often overlooked in the people they encounter. It's almost like sociopaths are looking at an entirely different spectrum, like wearing infrared goggles. I was just thinking about what this might be like to experience on the flip side. Because in some ways I am one of the least sensitive of my mother's children, but I think in other ways I can be shockingly sensitive and insightful, seeing layers that her other children do not see. 

16 comments:

  1. When a socio comes with a "I care so much about you"-card one should always belive this? Isn´t the dark truth almost all psychos just have relatives so they can have people to mock, irritate & betray?

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    1. I think you don't understand the definition of relative. You can't choose your relatives or if you have some... so no you don't just have them to betray or mock, but because someone in your family decided to have a child or married or whatever. And just because we don't connect on an emotional level with people doesn't mean we don't care at all. Do you have an idea how hard it is and how much effort it is to get really close to people and pretend that you connect with them when you actually don't connect? It is really exhausting. But usually you sometimes need people that are close to you, that to things for you strangers wouldn't do and so on. So we care that this work is not destroyed immediately. At least in my case. It's also hard to find people that don't annoy you after 10 minutes so if you find one, you should care about the realtionship because it's a lot easier than finding new people all the time.

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    2. Sounds like crypto =D

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    3. Indeed anon, a cryptic message

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    4. you don't need them to be related to you in order to mock irritate and betray them

      i mean, really

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    5. Your family is irreplaceable. They are your connection to your past, your instincts, yourself...
      They in essence are you.
      If you see them more in that light it may be easier to connect not only with them but with yourself.

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    6. Why would you want to be connected to your past?

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    7. I don't feel like you need your family around to retrace your past. These servers are abound, and we would expect to see more RAM in them. These servers have bugs that are self-defeating. There are models that have been tested, sans this engineering, that are far superior.

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    8. By your past i mean the evolutionary traits and instincts that we all possess and that differ genetically from others we are not related to.

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    9. That works too. One is left pondering.. "they've been with each other in the area for a long time, there has to be recent admixture somewhere in there." I've also ran into the notion via evolutionary psychology that it's a ubiquitous phenomena being attracted to people that are ethnically different. Like the boy in town from somewhere else that makes the guys look down at the ground and feel ashamed of themselves and your father has a problem with.

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  2. In small close communities, people rely upon each other to protect themselves from vulnerability. One person could have a geneology embedded from early on and win the whole community over. Yet, the sociopath is left thinking "look at what that person resorted to, what fucking fundamental and substantial could that community of yahoos really get him?"

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    1. up North, in Arctic villages, folks rely on each other for warmth, and, when situations are dire, for sustenance. Thus even sociopaths would see the value of keeping the community members close

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    2. Evidently, these sociopaths don't have a way out of dodge.

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  3. Mother's day is a very meaningful day, I am confident that mothers are very happy with a small dish or compliments! I believe your idea will make this life more beautiful!

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