Friday, April 26, 2019

Killing Eve and Bisexual Sociopaths

When the Confessions book came out, the publicist from the publisher asked me if there were any niche audiences that might be interested in the book. I told her that the gay/bisexual community might be interested, because they (especially at the time, in somewhat a dearth of gay themed books and other media) seemed to highlight anything with a touch of gay. I gave the publicist a list of such media outlets, but nothing seemed to come of them, which surprised me then, although it wouldn't surprise me now. The publicist basically shut down my inquiry, but reading between the lines I could see that they weren't interested in the sociopath angle.

Why the big reluctance to have homosexuality or bisexuality associated with sociopaths? I'm a little loose on the facts here so feel free to verify sources, but homosexuality was not only considered a mental health disorder until about the middle of the last century (unless the homosexual acts were done as part of an incarceration or military service, which was considered something that non-disordered people would get up to in those situations as well) -- it was also associated for a time with psychopathy. In my quick and dirty searches for this association, I found a reference in Hervey Cleckley's The Mask of Sanity wikipedia page: "He also notes he no longer considers that homosexuality should be classed as sexual psychopathy, on the grounds that many homosexuals seem to be able to live productive lives in society." But does say that sociopaths often show deviant behavior, and several of his case study subjects appear to be bisexual. (Click on the homosexuality link at the bottom of this article to read more).

Enter the BBC drama "Killing Eve," which features a bisexual sociopath that actually is so accurately portrayed that I'm 90% sure that the writers have done decent amounts of research, including reading the Confessions book? Here's why I think so, without too many spoilers. In Season 2, Episode 1 the sociopath is in the hospital with a serious condition. Her roommate says she's not looking too good and the sociopath starts responding she's fine and then passes out. This is almost identical to what happened to me on the 10th day of a ruptured appendix when nurses came back with my lab results, told me that my white blood cell count was through the roof and that I needed to immediately go to the hospital, asked me if I needed to sit down, I said I was fine then promptly passed out. When I came to everyone was freaking out and threatening to call an ambulance. My dad talked them down from it, saying that we were only blocks from the hospital and it would be quicker (and, I'm sure he also thought, infinitely cheaper without health insurance).

But how do people who identify as gay or bisexual love the fact that the character is both sociopathic and bisexual? (Which given the dozen plus sociopaths I've met in the past year or so is quite common in the sociopathic community, even if the reverse may not be true.) Not too well. A Buzz Feed writer complains (some spoiler-esque parts here): "Villanelle is bisexual, and for all the nuance we see around femininity and desire, Villanelle’s bisexuality is portrayed in a way that is both tired and damaging. Her need for sex with multiple genders is tied to her depraved and insatiable appetite, which she is only able to feed because of her total lack of a moral compass."

But I think the Buzz Feed writer actually gets it mostly wrong here. The sociopath character is not portrayed as being inherently depraved or having an insatiable appetite at all, I didn't think. In fact, if anything, she seems to have a classic sociopathic sort of indifference to sex. Even when she finally connects with the object of her obsession, there's no sex, there's just the visceral physical presence of the two. A lot of eye contact! And the Buzz Feed author goes on to describe not just this character but other classic sociopathic bisexual characters (e.g. Frank Underwood) with their voracious appetites that they can't control -- because a character eats ribs for breakfast? Come on. This is the trope that is tired, the sociopath whose appetites drive him or her to commit greater and greater atrocities. Sociopaths aren't engaged enough in the world for all of that. They're not driven by their appetites, so much as (aimlessly) seizing upon anything that intrigues them for longer than a moment, and as a remedy from the boredom that so often plagues them.

I get it that not all bisexuals are sociopaths, but I don't think these characters are chosen in these narratives because they're bisexual, but rather because they're sociopaths. And of course not all sociopaths are killers. But again, I guess if you need a killer for a narrative, a sociopath is a common choice for a reason -- because they're interesting and can be compelling without being offputting for the audience about that whole murderer thing. And if you're going to choose a sociopath character, accuracy demands that there's a good chance they're either bisexual or you'll see some other quirky features about the way they think about, desire, and engage in sex. Because sociopaths in real life don't have normal sex with all of the emotional underpinnings and awareness or acknowledgment of the intimacy of the act with another person. In my experience, they think of sex a lot like they think of exercising regularly or peeing or taking their boss up on that invitation for dinner with the family -- probably a good idea to do and maybe even in a certain way necessary and desirable. 


  1. Real psychopaths don´t have a defined sexuality, similar to the way they don´t have a "me". They arn´t this or that. And they prefer masturbation. And they many times see sex and toilet visits as similar adventures. Many see it as an annoying urge. Where are those movie characters?

    1. I disagree. I think that's a false generalization.

      I agree with ME regarding the deviance, though.

    2. So women psychos would never have sex with an oversized carrot because this would cross the limit of acceptable behaviour, and if they did it in a drunken haze they would have to spend months pondering how to forgive themselves, hardly eating or sleeping?

    3. sex with an oversized carrot doesn't sound that much fun. It wouldn't fit in the hole

      a normal carrot, maybe

      although that's probably too skinny

      no, an oversized carrot would probably do the trick, actually. Just not TOO oversized

    4. Except carrots of any size are neither smooth, nor warm.

      Besides, anyone who spends months "pondering how to forgive themselves" following an umbelliferous indiscretion is desperate and has WAY too much time on her fucking hands. This is not a winning combination. :P

    5. that's true... of all the veg out there carrot is one of the least indicated. Maybe if you grate it?

      re pondering, am with you my friend :)

      although I recently learned that until fairly recently sex toys were illegal in Thailand, etc. Just think about what that means for a second. In the land of sex tourism it's illegal to self-serve

  2. People in Augusta gave me a hard time about my massive brain, so I went back home to my comfort zone, my safe space, and tacked it on someone else.

  3. North @ 12:54. Yes. Exactly. This post seems to decribe the breakdown both my x and I experience perfectly.
    In my opinion, yes, he really does expect whatever he expects from you because he doesn't see his actions as horrible.
    You on the other hand see exactly the way shit went down. And yeah, it was probably pretty horrible. And no, you *know* you didn't deserve it. And yeah, you're probably pretty pissed about it.
    My x totslly lost it a few months back when things didn't go his way and screamed at me. He is one cool customer and it may be the only time I ever heard come anywhere close to a scream. But during his freakout he sounded like a little child and he told me he didn't care what I wanted. And although I know he is more complex than his freakout that statement really stuck with me. It really shook me up.

    1. Hi North, yes. You are so right.Despite the pure hell he put me through I am still glad I met him though.
      I really thought I couldn't be taught anymore from someone " like" him, but I was wrong. I consider him to be a pure example of...longing I guess.
      He wants so badly to have someone, someone like myself really.
      But his methods are not sustainable unfortunately.

  4. homosexuality is a clear preference and there exists a clear aversion to the opposite, whereas Cleckley was all about the poorly integrated, infantile, random, opportunistic pansexuality that was not afraid of or ashamed of anything.

    bisexuality I guess could approach this I suppose

    there was the Canadian studies that showed that females were more defacto bi than males, due to activity in electrodes attached to genitalia and like 40% of females showed arousal at bi images whereas with males it was more clear cut. Only 5% or somesuch

    unsurprising the LGBT+ community rejects sociopathy, or being associated with it, even in fiction. They feel they've worked so hard to improve their image brand before a callous heteronormative cisgendered world. Guilt by association or somesuch. Thus growing hysterics over the eating of ribs and all else

    don'tcha lurv identity politics.........

  5. All I will say in my defense is, je ne suis pas elle

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  7. lol what did I miss, why were all the comments deleted?

    1. are you someone who saw all the stuff that was written yesterday? how far did you get?

  8. Did ME get sick of North??!!
    How will we know every single step **_* makes now??!!
    I haven't seen a cull of the North like that since Game Of Thrones.

    1. Good questions Swoop. Now I need to find some other entertainment...

    2. Did you find it entertaining then? If you're at a loss now, you could try watching Leaving Neverland...I found that dull, pointless and more than a little uncomfortable at times.

      Deviant sex is a given, bisexuality not so much, but that's just a, deviation, anyways no?
      Sociopathic folk don't feel the need for intimacy, for the affectionate stroking and caressing, the urge to be close to someone...I don't mean, physically close, like, you know, close close like? The afterglow and all that stuffs are the emotional parts of the aggressive act of making whoopee. Unnecessary as the outcome is still the same, just, tenderer and soppier. So deviancy thrives among them lot, probably, a change to the mundane routine which non sociopathic types seem so into, sex isn't a need, it's a desire, and it's tedious, so sociopathic types won't have much interest, so they, deviate, make it interesting, make it desirable. But it's still just a physical act, something to stand back from and admire a job well done, like mowing a lawn into perfect stripes.

    3. Unfortunately I can't watch movies during work, that would attract unnecessary negative attention. So the conversation here was the most entertaining thing I could find.
      For me sex is just a means to an end, regardless of whether it's a man or a woman.

    4. i think it was me

      the last Anon who posted about her resiliency to negative feedback being a false front was sure right. I woulda lost THAT bet. But it was all more weird and conspiracy-ish than that (not on my end of things, ofc)

      i like the Game of Thrones line. It sounds like the sort of line one would come up with and wait for the right opportunity to deploy it

    5. Soooooo...whats happened? I saw it yesterday at around 118 comments, but obviously didn't read them all as there was a lot of **_* stuffs, and I've zero interest in **_*s activities and motivations. So what's been said? Did ME take it all down? North? Do you think maybe it was **_*? Is **_* his even his real name?!
      Strange times.
      Is it just North's indulgence that's been erased or others' stuffs gone too? Would imagine A would have had more to say than what's here...did read a few with her road to martial skilldom documented, but they're gone too...hi A, nice to see you back, but what the fuck have you done to the comments woman?! Did you eat them Tubs??!!

    6. North dirty deleted after a long thread which ended with something I posted c. 7pm EST yesterday - but it coulda been something after, too, because there was one other person sort of heckling her.

      since she DDed, everything everyone posted after her first comment (that initiated everything) is gone

      then she went back and DDed a whole bunch of stuff on here, essentially crippling the sw comments section and committing sw suicide

      all in a good day's work

      There was one heckler on here, and also I was engaging with North a lot. From what I figure, for some reason she got it into her head that I was both the heckler and myself.

      THe last comment I posted before she deleted everything was my speculating that the annoying heckler was actually M.E. (because M.E. quoted the heckler in her last twitter post) and I was congratulating North on her resiliency to persist in posting in spite of hecklers.

      the last comment she posted as a goodbye was something to the effect of "Woman of Many Faces, you win, you take the crown, but thanks for reminding me about resiliency. A, if you were for reals, cheers. It's been a long ride"

      (so A, whoever you are, you got a parting North endorsement)

      the resiliency bit was in reference to the convo I'd been having with her, and the WOMF (whom she bizarrely thought was me) was from this post

      TBH I think it was just her time. I think she is/was finally ready to MOVE ON in life and was sort of looking for an excuse to say goodbye to all this foolishness. Good on her. Sometimes you need something dramatic to do a REBOOT

      if i could figure out HT access my chromebook browser cache I might be able to recover what was said bc as you state a lot of it was interesting enough for its own sake. It was all too new to be accessible via Google Cache. Bloody annoying.

      anyway, if it was me, sorry guys! She seemed the liveliest thing around here

      y'alls gonna have to step it up now to make this space less defunct

    7. actually, scratch 'resiliency', it was 'predictability'

    8. So you killed North? Ffs Trini, North was alright, completely obsessed over some asterixed tosspot, but alright regardless.
      But no, had to do the many faced thing and make her pack uo her posts and flounce out didn't you?
      Well I hope you've a good understanding of **_* and his relationship with his kid, because someone is gonna have to keep us updated.

      Take it easy North, site will still be here when you've finished putting your toys back in the pram

    9. I don't think M.E. was the annoying heckler... it was probably me (sorry not sorry), seems like I missed the last part of the conversation before someone deleted it. What did M.E. quoted on twitter?

    10. @Swop it wasn't me, brah! Why would I wanna kill North? I LIKED North - she actually took the shit I said seriously. Do you know how RARE that is? Why would I wanna get rid of the one person on Earth who actually was invested in my POV (even if it was for possibly maladaptive reasons)

      no, it was all one big fat misunderstanding

      @anon 9:21am were you the person who said the stuff that was like "why are you posting your whole life on here, isn't is risky?" and also "the thing about North's not taking things personally I have on good authority is a false front.. she'd be interesting to study... I would like to get to know her"

      then she posted some stuff and then

      was it you who then posted stuff like "most likely this guy doens't like you and you're reading into this whole birthday thing to make you feel better about the fact he's bored with you"?

      then she posted some stuff to that basically saying "run along now you're just trying to egg me on"

      and then I posted my bit and she was gone

      anyway the twitter post (you can see it top right on this site, you lazy kids) was "“You know it can be very irritating if people always want to talk about feelings if you don't experience them (like other people do)”" which was part of a larger post to North re 'why do you keep talking to him about feelings... why do you always look for hidden angles, etc... if he really is a sociopath he would resent all that, etc'

    11. Yep that was all me (and I'm not M.E). The last thing I wrote was the thing about her guy is just bored, unfortunately I missed North's reaction...someone just had to tell her the truth.

    12. well, I got to hand it to you, Anon. You were indeed correct. There was indeed a limit to what her obstinacy would endure

      the false front was more brittle than what i at first imagined. It had lasted for years though, so

  9. I have a sneaking suspicion my x may have something to do with all this. He is very sly..
    Has anyone seen you on Netflix? And do you consider the main character (guy) to have sociopathic tendencies?
    If not, what do you consider him to lean more towards?

    1. why, what did your x do?

      are you the person formerly known as Dido? How far did you read yesterday in comments?

    2. Trini hello. You name it, my x did it. Real weird shit. I still can't believe one person could be so...
      Well anyway, he is an evil genius. Way more genius than evil. We all have a shadow side. His is just very pronounced.And hidden. Especially from himself.
      He mostly made me doubt myself. He derived a certain amount of pleasure from it.

    3. did you read the new blog post? Makes me sound like what you say, making ppl doubt themselves for sport

      pleasure from self doubt... that makes sense. People make funny faces when they are flummoxed and sometimes do daft things. And that's probably the least malicious motivation around for that game

    4. Trini hi. Yes, what you said makes sense. He is pretty clueless in so many ways.
      He does know how to make me really angry though. I know neither one of us really and truly dislike the other even though we act like it.
      There is just no way we can meet in the middle.

    5. I'm just going to say it.... sometimes meeting in the middle is pretty damned over rated

      once you get shoved into the middle lane with someone, it's damned hard to find your way to your edge of things down the line

  10. What a hilarious pile of crap. This 'blog' gets more moronic and pathetic with each 'article.'

    1. are you one of those humdrum killjoys who see no use for amusement functions on this earth?

      why put 'hilarious' and 'crap... moronic.. pathetic' in the same idea?

      the Hilarious has its own merits

      the Funny should be celebrated in this life, not denigrated

      pleased never invite me to one of your parties

    2. The level of stupid at which this blog operates is migraine inducing. I'd not inflict you on my guests.

  11. In a fairytale two women psychos jeered: "-We peel carrots & cook them slightly to get that soft feel without losing the rigid quality!" Then they practiced on their "devastated & feeling guilty, oh please forgive us"-faces in the mirror. "-We call them donkey-carrots!" one of the monsters tittered. "-That´s enough, thank you." said a dragon advisor.

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