Saturday, March 30, 2019

Better communication/intimacy during sex

A sociopathic inclined individual sent me a link to an Aeon article about good communication/consent re sexual intimacy, Sex Talks. One thing that I have noticed in meeting sociopaths is that sociopaths show a shocking lack of interest in sex. Shocking I guess only when compared to the neurotypical population, which seems almost obsessed with it. Sociopaths on the other hand are very take-it-or-leave-it about sex. I think it's because sociopaths don't tend to connect emotionally with their partners very well and so sex is either a performative act (which can be fun and exciting depending on the partner and/or situation) or source of pleasure that most sociopaths are better able to provide with their own two hands (and/or feet?). I also think that sociopaths and everyone have a hard time understanding the role of continued consent during any interaction with a person.

A quick word on my own thoughts about sex. I have had plenty of bad experiences, probably not surprising. By bad experiences I mean experiences that seemed to cheapen rather than deepen a relationship, that made me feel used, that felt like a parallel experience, and even experiences where I feel like the lines of consent got blurred against me. I had a bad understanding of consent for a long time so I am sure that people have similar experiences with me. Now, I do not engage in any degree of physical anything with another person unless I am sure that there is consent and that it is a shared experience of love and affection. It's not hard to be very hardline about this because I otherwise care very little for physical affection. But since I have been this way, I experience everything so differently and it really does seem to have more meaning and pleasure for me that I couldn't recreate more efficiently in a solo experience.

I remember in law school studying rape and the Antioch College rules regarding consent, which require not just all sexual or physical activities to have consent, but that anytime a new element is introduced between individuals. Even when I went to law school in the early aughts, this was considered a little bit extremist, as was evidenced by the SNL skit making fun of it (transcript here). 

Antioch College SOPP Media Coverage from Jon Wohlfert on Vimeo.

But Google "Antioch College sex consent" and you'll see a bunch of fresh takes about how the Antioch College Womyn were more prescient than we had thought. Maybe and romance and these things that we think should just be a natural, organic, but most of all unspoken meeting of the minds. I remember growing up thinking that this is what people wanted and expected, but I also had a really hard time understanding subtext or other forms of unspoken communication reliably so I would often just propose whatever physical intimacy to people whenever I felt like it. They would be surprised and almost embarrassed, but I don't remember being turned down, so maybe they were trying to get at the same thing via subtext?

But now I'm super verbal and communicative all of the time during any sort of romantic or intimate situation whatsoever, and it is such a better experience. I wanted to suggest it to everyone. Sometimes I'll get a little quite, and it's always for some reason worse. It is so much easier to stay on the same page with people by asking short simple questions (credit Arthur, a sociopath I met) and trying to say something every minute or so or as things change up. Maybe give it a try?


  1. True sociopath sex is masturbation. When it´s real.

  2. North
    You've got to stop all this. The energy you're expending on this relationship is just too much. Disengage. You know you should. The man is an obvious paranoid idiot. One of you needs to act the adult. Decide that it should be you. His behaviour is not normal (for his personality type). I know psychopaths who have been married for twenty years for goodness sake. Without any angst whatsoever. Have you ever considered he might be mentally ill? Police complaints about a teddy bear??? Paranoia is not a commendable trait. Protect yourself and enforce your boundaries.

    1. North I experienced this mind boggling sort of paranoia with my recent x. It was something he could hide from me at first but eventually it came out full force. How could such an otherwise normal rational man be so completely fucked up? After I left I realized why he was so paranoid. He was terrified everyone was doing to him what he was doing to them. At some point they become the one they have always hated, the one that helped to mold them. To uncover how deep his obsessions went was truly a new experience for me. Just when I thought I had seen it all... It's all about maintaining control over themselves .It works for them. It's what they know. It definitely doesn't work for me.
      He is still trying to maintain control over me from a distance. I just let him know I love him but I'm out. I still am at a loss for words... I'm sure he expects retaliation from my part. I know he doesn't expect love.

  3. When I was a student in psychologist college, I write an essay about communication that affects intimacy during sex. Nowadays, young people don't understand how it's important. And it provokes many problems in sex life. Also, if you need to write some essay or dissertation, you can ask help from Essay Review Expert where professional writers help you with any questions.


Comments on posts over 14 days are SPAM filtered and may not show up right away or at all.

Join Amazon Prime - Watch Over 40,000 Movies


Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.