Wednesday, November 4, 2009

My story, for whatever it's worth (part 1)

A reader writes:
I wanted to thank you for the blog. It’s been very helpful. I understand what I want now. It’s what I call the inner essence of the goal that I want, the thoughts and feelings I want to experience. I want power because I want to experience more freedom in my life. I have existential freedom of course. We all do. But I have not made good use of it. What I didn’t get before was that if I cannot make use of the power I could potentially have in the here and now, then getting to the top of any kind of organization will be for nothing. You know the old saying: wherever I go there I am. I haven’t taken advantage of the opportunities all around me because I’ve been too busy figuring myself out. My life up to this point has really been designed to keep myself afloat with minimal drama and effort while I focused on unraveling the mystery of why I was so ‘different’.

My story starts like so many of the other stories that you’ve featured in your blog and in the comments. I was a typical outsider. I knew I was different from my peers and even my family. I just never understood exactly what that difference was. I was never a shy kid. I was mostly indifferent, especially after I proved to myself that popularity could be had with just the right facial expressions, words and a few well placed actions. The social scene at school stopped being mysterious and became merely boring. And yeah, I pulled a series of stunts that would have gotten me a nice stay in prison if I’d been caught. I got over all of that in my early 20’s when it dawned on me that I was empty and that I had nothing I needed to do or had to do. I was without purpose or meaning. Yeah, sex is fun, no question, but orgasms only last so long. And I still didn’t get why I was so different? Not only did I not get that I would never be one of them, I didn’t even know why. So I went searching for answers. It took a long while. There were loads of false starts, dead ends and misunderstandings along the way. Finally, I was able to discard some false beliefs, start fresh and reexamine things. When I did, I was finally able to see where the differences were. I was able to put a name to the face. Those differences eventually lead me to study concepts like sociopathy and psychopathy. I read a lot of the popular work and some interesting articles on the internet. My Googling lead me to your blog and the comments. It was your unique take on all of this as well as some of the smarter commenters that lead me to see that I’d finally figured it out.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Daft-
    Your diary is a better place for your unhelpful and unwarranted comments.

  3. Excellent post from whomever it was. I wonder what he or she does different though now he knows himself better

  4. Long time no hear Disney. How the heck are ya sunshine?

    Btw, you ask a pertinent question. Knowledge (especially the kind that comes via introspection) without action amounts to nothing more than mental masturbation.

  5. DB

    Beaming like the fading snow on Kilimanjaro, how about yourself?

    It is indeed a fact that people's attitude towards themselves and the the world around them is a poor indicator of their actual behavior, so thats why I wonder whether this person could put into words how his life actually changed with regards to his actions since his enlightenment.

    I found making changes in my behavior need to really benefit me and still take a lot of discipline.

  6. With all that jibber jabber you put out there it sounds like you sniffed more snow up your nose than Kilimanjaro.

  7. UKan said

    Thats not that hard, since there is hardly any snow left on the Kilimanjaro. Which was the point.
    In this specific posting I was sincere though.

  8. This site is ridiculous... self-diagnosed sociopaths trying to reach out. This reminds me of those weirdos who think they are vampires, or goths, or other loners who are struggling to fit in. Here's the cake kids, most of you are just kids, but if you were a sociopath why the hell are you going online and trying to talk about it? This action alone says that you care what other people think or feel, and that you are trying to get attention.

    Maybe you all have Bi-polar disorder because the lot of you sound like attention whore premadonna's, not cold uncaring sociopaths that never reveal that they have a problem. Even if they realized they had a problem they wouldnt feel the need to tell anyone... this is pathetic, get a job you emo kids.

  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

  10. Do not feed the trolls.

  11. This is great do you have a catologue if so I would love one to share with friends and family.
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