How do you cope?

From a reader:

I have recently come across your blog and it's given me a new perspective. It's interesting, many of your readers seem to be very high-functioning. This is not the case with me. I've had some trouble since early on being a "functional member of society", ergo I can't hold down a job, my family hates me, and I'm quite the drifter. Now don't be fooled, this does not much upset me. 

I found your blog after my psychiatrist (after some time of "therapy") informed me that I qualify for a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He also told me that I have a few antisocial traits, but barely don't qualify for a diagnosis of ASPD, the closest official variant of sociopathy. Now after I received this diagnosis, I was really put off because I can't stand narcissists, so I did some digging on NPD with antisocial traits, ended up reading "Mask of Sanity" and your very own enlightening book, "Confessions of a Sociopath." I don't believe in self-diagnosis, but I believe I would fit more into Dr. Robert Hare's depiction of psychopathy.


The reason I am emailing is this: How are you so functional? I would like to be able to have more control over my long-term behavior, but I just do not learn from experience at all, and sometimes I just don't care enough. Lately I'm believing that self control is the most important form of control, so I'm reaching out. My days are spent scamming money from parents and friends, the occasional crime, shoplifting, and cheep thrills. I'm just bored with this, but I'm also very young so I If you could provide your insights, I would be grateful! 

M.E.: Honestly, I feel like there are a few reasons why I am high functioning. First, I think that I couldn't be diagnosed as full blown ASPD, but rather personality disorder otherwise not specified with clear features of ASPD. Or you could say that I am more of a Cleckley sociopath than some of the other descriptions of sociopathy, primarily due to very low empathy and emotional attachment plus that odd constellation of personality traits of charm, confidence, fearlessness, risk-taking, etc. And for whatever reason, I feel like the Cleckley sociopath tends to be (perhaps by definition?) more high functioning than the ASPD or Hare version of a psychopath. I may be emotionally not integrated into society, but in almost every other aspect I actually have been relatively integrated (cf. the average criminal), and I think that probably makes the difference?

I'm sure that you could be helped, but I don't think that most psychologists would have the skill set to do so. My current therapist is really great. He has already walked me through a lot of the issues I had before, including learning how to not manipulate and developing an independent sense of self. But I think he is rare in the psychology world, unfortunately. But if there were two things I would suggest trying to work on from my own experience, it would probably be to try to find someone who could teach you how to not be manipulative and to have a stronger sense of self. Easier said than done, I'm sure.