From a socio reader:
I really like to change up. I change up constantly and when I do, I change everything. The funny thing is the people closest to me see it sometimes (I like to stay at the person I was when they first met me so I seem consistent). A good friend of mine that I put in charge of my well-being told me that when I speak to people I change personalities almost to every person I talk to. Sounds like I'm a fake person. So be it. I guess that's why i like to talk to people on a individual basis instead in large groups. Sometimes I think i dont know who i really am. I do know though. I'm a game that's constantly running.
Have you ever been passionate about what you hold to be true? Have you ever developed your own ideals that you value so much that the people around you start to believe in them and adopt them for themselves?
My close friends I put through a lot of shit. When they first hung out with me I would mirror who they needed me to be so they saw me as a leadership figure then I would start hammering in my value system that's helped me survive out here in the struggle. It's not a morality system but more of the dos and don'ts of the game.
People say I'm very black and white and they are right. I want things done and I want them done my way. I will go pretty far to get my way.
What do you get if you cross a cocksucker with a motherfucker? Some of you will say that you get a cockfucker and others will say that you get a mothersucker.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is that you get cockfucking mothersucker, like the cocksucking motherfucker that wrote this post.
Jason said...
ReplyDeleteWhat do you get if you cross a cocksucker with a motherfucker?
YOU!! lol
@justabadpenny
ReplyDeleteWhat you were saying hit me in the middle of the night.
How ludicrous I was being to ask a Socio Board if I was appreciated and should stay
I was being DENSE.
The reason is that I am frozen emotionally at a young age 3-5 maybe.
I am intellectually smart,obviously but my emotions are back there.
Given that I will take what a few people on here have to say to me.
I will detach ,step back and try to "hear" them.
That would be Mania, Scelli.Zoe, sometimes Tik and perhaps Aspie.
I don't know Aspie very well but Aspie seems clear thinking.
If I am off the wall and any of these people talk to me I will try to step back.
I will still use my own reasoning in the end but I will listen .
@Ukan,Medusa,Bore,Daniel Bird Dick and the other people who have mocked my son.
YES YOU MAY BE SOCIOS"S BUT WHAT YOU DO HAS CONSEQUENCES.
If you are gonna rub salt in the raw wound of a person they are gonna explode.
So, if any of these people or others bait me on that issue I may explode.
i was right in what I said to Ukan
How low will you go? That was why you all(the ones who mocked me) shut up.You saw yourselves.
So,all that being said I heard some of you .
I am dense cuz I want dense people not to be dense.
I challenge you to find even a single comment on any post where I mention your son.
ReplyDeleteTake your time.
@Medusa
ReplyDelete"Medusa's Little Helper" listed a whole list of vile things.
Christ.
ReplyDeleteTherefore you concur that I didn't say those things.
I have no idea who that was, or why you would take usernames so seriously and literally?
And then blame me for something someone else said?
Ok I will go back and look.That is fair .
ReplyDeleteIt seems like people USE these Anons that way such as Ukan did with "Erins dead Son" but I cannot say it was you.
You are right.I will check if it was "Medusa's Little Helper"
If so,I will take you at your word that you were not she.
I thought you were as is usually the case here and I reacted accordingly.
If I was wrong I apologize. I mean that with sincerity.
@Erin
ReplyDeleteCould you smell the rotten flesh of your dead son when you were crying over his grave?
@medusa's Little Helper
ReplyDeleteRight
When this happens RIGHT after a person talks it is USUALLY the person.
@Medusa As you tried to tell me, nothing here is as it seems so I will accept that this is NOT you .If it is,it is on you.
I am intellectually smart,obviously...
ReplyDeletePriceless. Absolutely priceless.
She cried because she knew she screwed the kid up, that's why he committed suicide. Putting that little penis in her mouth and asking him if he liked it. Sitting on top of him and raping the kid.
ReplyDeleteShe thought that was part of being a mother but later realised she mentally wrecked the kid. The boy never had a chance.
that last post was @Erin
ReplyDelete"There is only one good, knowledge, and one evil, ignorance."
ReplyDelete--Socrates
@Daniel Birdick
ReplyDeleteI also found that one extremely amusing
I am a fucking whore. I like to go to my son's grave from time to time and suck his oozy cock.
ReplyDeleteDid you force your kid to cum when you sucked his little cock Erin?
ReplyDeleteAre you praying to the lord for forgiveness over his grave?
Yeah, I do that all the time. Mostly for the S&M I made him do. I forced his cum out of his groins all the time.
ReplyDeleteI think her last post is prove that she didn't lost a son and probably doesn't have a son in the first place. Ukan is right.
ReplyDeleteYou are right.Maybe I don't belong here
ReplyDeleteDo you silently hope that the bad guys here will understand you and won't blame you for raping your son? Are you silently hoping for forgiveness here?
ReplyDelete@Erin
ReplyDeleteHave you ever used the 'dead kid' lie in everyday life Erin?
A good friend of mine that I put in charge of my well-being…
ReplyDeleteOut of everything the person featured in the post said, this one grabbed me the most. What does this mean? If the obvious meaning is the actual meaning then you need to change it up alright. Isn’t putting someone else in charge of your well being the essence of co-dependency?
You say you’ve played the role of leader among your set of friends, yet one those follower friends decides your well being. That is a contradiction.
You say you "hammer" your value system, yet you don't say that they adopt those values as their own behavior. Are they actually following you or are you shifting how you present yourself to follow them?
Guy, gal, whatever you are, your comments don't add up.
I said Ukan is right but it was probably Mis that wrote she's a troll making this up. Either Ukan or Mis is right.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJKLNlKpNAE&feature=player_embedded#at=40
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious. Although they're wrong in saying it's an addiction. It's not being able to face reality, mixed with stupidity.
Maybe the eating is an addiction though.
Also: they really seemed to be a happy couple, going by the weight they both gained since their wedding.
Why is there a Daniel Birdick on the "Steve Pavlina Personal Development for Smart People Forum"? :)
ReplyDeleteBecause he thinks he's smart.
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you guys pay David to fuck Erin to death?
ReplyDeleteNaaahhh. He is pretty smart. I wasn't trying to discredit or attack Daniel. I was just curious. The account was created in 2008, and obviously we all have periods in which we try to "find ourselves", so to speak. So you look in a lot of different places, and naturally, if you consider yourself smart, you go to a forum that's called "Personal Developement for Smart People".
ReplyDeleteThe posts he made do sound like "our" Daniel.
ReplyDeleteO.o i smell a conspiracy!!
ReplyDeleteIt's Erin's fake dead son you smell.
ReplyDeleteThis post is very unclear. When the reader says s/he change everything, it is described in the context of changing personas within individual conversations. That doesn't sound like you change everything.The reader sounds confused and seems to liken his "powers" or his game to what amounts to being a bit insecure and trying to find his own voice.
ReplyDeleteWhat am I not getting here? Sounds a bit poseur-ish to me.
Wait… Erin Pavlina and Steve Pavlina and Daniel Birdick? And suddenly someone calling himself Daniel Birdick starts posting again a little after this Erin person starts, right after someone casually mentions his name? Something aint right.
ReplyDeleteI realized why I came here. I will explain it in Astrological terms even though the "elite" among you *guffaw* poo poo Astrology.
ReplyDeleteI have not found one person ever who was not interested in it after their pseudo-elite facade came down a little.
Nessus is the asteroid of the abuser.It is the asteroid which shows pure abuse with no thought for the other.
All Socio's would have Nessus prominent it would be fair to say I think.
All the charts we studied showed this .This included "famous" Socio's/Psychopaths like Bundy.
Quick, everyone put your paranoid hats on.
ReplyDeleteA new Erin account. Erin Pavlina is that you? Or is it Daniel Birdick? Or Steve Pavlina? Or Jason?
ReplyDeleteOr maybe it's Medusa.
ReplyDelete@Erin
ReplyDelete"I have not found one person ever who was not interested in it after their pseudo-elite facade came down a little."
That's because they weren't 'intellectuals' in the first place. Why would an intellectual spend time on someone like you?
They should put you on an asteroid that is on a collision course.
Why do you all have paranoid hats? Why not me? Are you conspiring against me? Or am I conspiring against you?
ReplyDeleteThe truth is out there, maaaaaaaaannnn!
YOU'VE BEEN PUNKED!
ReplyDelete@Erin
ReplyDeleteJump off that cliff Erin, jump!
Erin should get a lethal injection.
ReplyDeleteDie Erin, die!
ReplyDelete@wheatly
ReplyDeletethis is hilarious..there is a very limited supply of her "drug of choice" ... how exactly will she sustain this? agreed..she is nuts and appears to be using food as a proper substance to abuse..
You guys LOVE her, admit it.
ReplyDeleteEvery PD throws a part of themselves away.
ReplyDeletePerhaps the ones born with it will be different.
However,excluding them every PD has cast off a part of themselves.
That by definition IS a PD.
The Co-dependent has cast off normal "selfishness".
The Socio has cast off normal "vulnerability"
That is why he hates "weakness".
Most Socio's seem to think being an "abuser" is a badge.You fight to see who is the worse abuser-not ALL Socio's.
Nessus is WHO you are.
Nessus is who I threw away because I was terrified of it. I became the polar opposite.
The polar opposite has an Asteroid ,too.
That will be for another day.
@Erin
ReplyDeleteYou can't throw anyone away, you're trash to everyone here.
God, I hope that day never comes.
ReplyDeleteDONT FEED THE TROLL
ReplyDeleteYou're a whore Erin.
ReplyDeleteEveryone hates you for spamming this blog Erin.
ReplyDelete@bette blu
ReplyDeletePerhaps she'll go on a marriage/killing rampage? That would take care of all the people stupid enough to marry her.
Let's call it: "Not-so-natural-selection" :)
BE GONE! you vile wretch!
ReplyDeletethe power of christ compels you!
ReplyDeleteDie Erin, DIE!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete@ wheatley
ReplyDeletethat would be hard to do at her size..not to mention with her dead husband tagging along
off to work...long day ahead..
@Erin
ReplyDeleteSlit those wrists, slit them!!!!!
Can you FEEL the love?
ReplyDeleteThis is the thing about Astrology not that you are asking.
ReplyDeleteIt is all about balance.Too little of something makes you a freak like a midget.Too much of something makes you a freak like a giant.
With Nessus,too much makes you a Sociopath/Psychopath. Too little makes you be abused by one.
Everything is balance and the seeking out of balance as in Homeostasis in the body.I
That is why an abuser finds a victim and vice versa.
Now,if it is your parent you must heal the imbalance in yourself.
If not you will be the predator OR the prey.
The Socio is the predator not ALL Socio's but most :(
@Erin
ReplyDeleteNobody is interested in your bs stupid cow, don't you get it.
I would beat you to death, you stupid cow!!!!
ReplyDeleteSick it, UKan. ;)
ReplyDeleteDating/Charming women top-tip:
ReplyDeleteStudies show that 90% of women believe in at least one supernatural phenomenon like astrology or tarot-cards, so it can be wise to invest a little bit of time in one of those things.
They're still bullshit though.
@Wheatley
ReplyDeleteWere you TNP?
@Anon
ReplyDeleteI don't sound like him that much, do I?
What? I can't hear you.
ReplyDeleteWhy the fuck isn't Erin leaving? Omg, I think I'm gonna start crying. This place was so nice before she came here. Now I don't even want to read ME's posts.
ReplyDeleteWHAT THE FUCK WORLD?? Why would you send someone like Erin here ??
Omg, I am becoming depressed because of this.
Erin, Die You FUCKING BITCH!
Your such a GIRL Stan.
ReplyDeleteNoone likes her, but that's why she's here. Trolling or histrionic.
ReplyDeleteI think that noone here cares enough to do something concrete about Erin and meanwhile she thinks she is welcome. C'mon guys, I know that you don't like team-work or cooperating or listening to what someone else says but please, everyone, make Erin disappear. Please...
ReplyDeleteUkan is all these hysterical trolls ROLFL
ReplyDeleteHe is afraid to come out as him cuz the girl beat him *smiles*
This is a message to ask everyone on this blog to ignore the character that is posting under the name 'Erin' from now on.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your cooperation.
Erin, everybody here hates you. Please, I beg you, leave. Leave us alone. You don't belong here. Go to a fucking sanatorium or something. You are crazy, fucked up in the head, nuts, there's no doubt, but here is not the place for you.
ReplyDeletePlease leave. I beg you. We beg you. Leave us alone.
People here just don't like you Erin.
ReplyDeleteIs ABBA next? lol
ReplyDelete@Nikita
ReplyDeleteMost of these Anon's is Ukan who got beaten by the girl *flexes muscles and smiles*
Yeah, I miss the days without Erin's craziness around. When we were able to talk intelligently and about stuff that mattered. What the fuck happened to this world.
ReplyDeleteNo, it's not ABBA. lol
I am kinda afraid to do this cause I don't really know what outcome it will have but I propose a vote.
ReplyDeleteEverybody that hates Erin please post a comment "I hate Erin."
@Pink Floyd is Ukan
ReplyDelete*Hi Baby*
*Like the girl to take you down a notch you big strong thang* *smiles*
@Erin
ReplyDeleteAnd how does that make you FEEL?
Pink Floyd Rule.
ReplyDelete@Nikita
ReplyDeleteGood Baby
Just fine :)
@Nikita
ReplyDeleteIf someone has proven to be filth by virtue of laughing at the death of a child what would I CARE what filth thinks of me ? :)
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ReplyDeletePersonally Erin, I don't believe any of your stories.
ReplyDeleteThere at MOST a handful of people I respect on this site.The rest are filth,trash but I came from that so have lessons to learn .
ReplyDeleteYeah, ok, fuck you Erin. Let's see how it works for your astral shit when I'll hate your guts. Motherfucking bitch. Your bad luck is about to get worse. I hereupon cast a curse on you to never get happiness ever in your life and remain in the state you are in your whole life. I will pray to whatever deity I find for you to get that. I hope you live an eternity being loathed and never figure it out. And die unhappy. I wish this for you.
ReplyDeleteWell here is why I am here.We all have filth inside of us.It is Nessus in Astrological terms
ReplyDeleteOne must come to terms with it.What better place than a group of people who would prolly set a cripple on fire and laugh at his burns :(
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ReplyDelete@Erin
ReplyDeleteWhatever.
Why do you people keep going on about her and responding if you don't want her here. She just wants attention.
ReplyDeleteBirdick, that was a conversation I had with M.E. and 'someone in charge of my well being' was a extremely vague way of saying one of my soldiers. How you got codependency out of it, I don't know. I just didn't want to derail the topic we were on to talk about why I had soldiers.
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ReplyDeleteFlame war in 3, 2, 1...
ReplyDelete"Sometimes I think i dont know who i really am. I do know though."
ReplyDeleteMake up your mind already.
@Ukan - Ah. I wasn’t meant to take that phrase literally or psychologically after all, which I did. I associate the phrase "well being" with several other concepts.
ReplyDeleteThe little bit of context you provided puts an entirely different slant on the post. Interesting.
As for flame wars, you'll get none from me anonymous. At least, not in relation to this. I made an assumption and it was wrong. This is part of what I was trying to explain before to Kesu but it fell on deaf ears.
@Daniel
ReplyDeleteI was talking about David and UKan :)
But now that I have your attention, are you the same Daniel Birdick as the one on that Steve Pavlina forum?
Daniel, if I am not too intrusive and I pass your standard at allocating labels, how old are you?
ReplyDeleteI believe he is 36 or 37. :)
ReplyDeleteIs that accurate Daniel? Are you in your late thirties?
ReplyDeleteAnother bad assumption. Actually, I figured you might not be referring to me, but I thought, meh, what the hell? I’ll just put that out there anyway.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, those posts are me. The earliest posts on that forum are back in my “let’s examine New Age ideas" phase.
Its AND david not OR
ReplyDeleteWhy do you want to know my age Strutter persona?
ReplyDeleteI personally think that he's 18 or 20 something. I'm referring to you Dany boy, yeah.
ReplyDeleteI'm just curious.
ReplyDeleteStrutter is an interesting name to use. Why go with that one?
ReplyDeleteLol, you're avoiding the question. Why are you defensive about your age? Did I hit a soft spot there with that question?
ReplyDeleteYou make me think that that anon was right and you really are 18, lol.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Strutter
ReplyDeleteDaniel posts from the old folks home. He is dribbling is gruel now.
Defensive about my age? Where’d you get that from? You asked a question, I decided not to answer. Read these words and hear them coming from a deep and amused voice. Besides, I’ve given my age here before. But if it amuses you to think of me as 18 then I say go for it.
ReplyDeleteIs Strutter in reference to the KISS song?
This is the Pharmacy. Your 10 pound vat of Vaseline is ready for pick up
ReplyDelete@Old Gomer...
ReplyDeleteAncient of Days I Am.
No Daniel, no such reference but, lol, you're not reluctant of labels, you're afraid of them.
ReplyDeleteReally Strutter? Do tell. Seriously, tell me. Reveal me to myself. Show me what I cannot see.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDaniel is afraid of everything most especially his Bird Brain.
ReplyDeleteDavid
ReplyDeleteFor those of you who need special attention cuz they cry if they are looked at sideways we will deliver.
Rest you backside.
I know it takes a work out in your profession shall we say.
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ReplyDeletehey, what was the name of that twitter account Medusa started? Lemme know. Someone helpful and considerate. A socio please. :P
ReplyDelete@David
ReplyDeleteWe are getting your order ready for delivery as you requested.
We have one of your favorite items on sale.Shall we add them?
Cigars-- Economy 12 pack for a dollar
It's funny that a male whore who portrays himself as a young refined english gentlemen would speak of delusions.
ReplyDeleteDear Sir
ReplyDeleteWe have the results of your IQ test. You are Moderately slow.
Your job outlook would include stocking shelves and working as a janitor.
Good Luck and Best Wishes.
18? Way off strutter stop playing detective. Its obvious he is middle aged.
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ReplyDeleteUkans Soliders Say:
ReplyDeleteSolider One---What a Jack ass that Ukan is
He would trip over his own ass if it wasn't attached
Solider Two---I am laughing so hard I am making a turd
how can you sociopaths have friends?? you guys are the biggest assholes i have ever seen...
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI didn't say I had a army david. I said my soldier.
ReplyDeleteYeah, UKan is right there next on the list with Erin. Get a reality check Ukfuck.
ReplyDeleteDo you know that Ukan is in the mental hospital.He was having delusions he was a general.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThat Ukan is such a fucking Fag
ReplyDelete@Changing it up--
ReplyDeleteIf the profile pic is you, you need to definitely change your hair. You look like a total douche bag :)
Ukan is in the mental hospital .
ReplyDeletePlease General
Get well soon .
I watch this board with interest, observing the interactions, the insults, the to and fro dynamics and the information carrots you all dangle on sticks in front of each other to bait and draw out. some of you are incredibly perceptive, regardless of your personalities (or perceived personalities anyway). In the ho-hum droll day to day of this world it is rather refreshing to see a group of people interacting so humourously together who are apparently as morally bankrupt as myself.........Out of sheer curiosity, I would ask you all a legitimate question...
ReplyDelete* How many of you resort to physical violence to either make your point or to get the object of your desire? (be it human, inanimate object or whatever)...do any of you make that step further or do you content yourselves with merely cutting a person to ribbons verbally and mentally?.....
Usually intimidation cuts it in real life.
ReplyDeleteI have a problem, regarding Lycan's comment. Talking about bait and stuff. To me usually the bait seems so sweet to take and the risk makes it so wonderful that I take the bait most of the time. Not to say that that works against me. This is my problem. I am so devoid of sensations that every ounce of bait laid out for suckers starts a rush in me and makes me want to take it.
ReplyDeleteIt's shitty this way.
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ReplyDeleteI love to bait people, as well as play games, it is so easy when you are usually the most intelligent person "in the room." I do not consider myself a S/P or a Narc. If I do not personally know someone, who cares if you hurt there feeling? My earlier comment was childish, but I was just being honest. This article mirrors so many I have read that is does not illict one intelligent response from me
ReplyDeleteNEVERMIND YOU UNHELPFUL, USELESS LOT I FOUND IT! *sigh*
ReplyDeleteSo? Are you going to tell us what it's called?
ReplyDeleteNo. I am not. Deal. :P
ReplyDeleteWell could you at least talk about something? It's been unusually slow today. Almost makes you miss Er-- Ha! Fooled you!
ReplyDeleteum, i got nothing. I'll link to a song i'm listening to now for old times sake.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvwWzcLfH-k&ob=av2e
Thanks for the insight. For me also sometimes the bait is just too damn sweet to resist, and I'll poke it with a stick to see if it has teeth.
ReplyDeleteEven then, if I discover it DOES have teeth, I will devise a trap that will (metaphorically) behead it as it rushes out to attack me . Then I'll truss it up, remove its teeth and play with it a bit. Oddly enough though I still sometimes find myself wondering absently why the now trussed up, de-toothed problem doesnt want to play. Go figure lol.
What do you get when Mis snaps and kills someone and David snaps and breaks his toe?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe laying of bait can also be an excitement by itself, and for me personally its a great way to devise better and better baits and traps , though failure of a said bait or trap can sometimes trip the "destroy, destroy,exterminate exterminate" instinct instead of being quietly absorbed as a valuable lesson . perhaps I am a little more destructive than some.
ReplyDelete@ snappers.
ReplyDeleteA crime scene you cant run away from?
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ReplyDeleteMedusa, I see you're little helper has recruited his or herself in my absence, or is this brand new?
ReplyDelete"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, outrun my gun."
Mis falls in love with David.He finds David in bed with a senior citizen.
ReplyDeleteMis snaps and kills the senior.
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ReplyDeleteMis kills the Senior .He then steals David's cigar and does naughty things with it using Vaseline.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous said...
ReplyDeleteWait… Erin Pavlina and Steve Pavlina and Daniel Birdick? And suddenly someone calling himself Daniel Birdick starts posting again a little after this Erin person starts, right after someone casually mentions his name?
peter pan, peter pan, peter pan!
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ReplyDeleteMis kills David his one true love so no old geezer will have David again.
ReplyDeleteMis mourns David by going to a hooker.
Sounds like you david. Getting pedicures in jail. Right after you got it up the arse for a bag of instant coffee.
ReplyDeleteI use anything to get what I want. Charm first and violence last. Unless someone crosses the line then its violence first.
ReplyDeleteall that downwardly scrolling the other day was so relaxing. weird timing though with the planned outage. could those have been test posts?
ReplyDeleteI command an army.I use charm first and violence later
ReplyDelete*Overhead speaker--Ukan come take your medicine*
No it was jason trying to get erin banned.
ReplyDeleteDavid
ReplyDeleteI want you in my back door, Honey
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ReplyDeleteCome out, come out, wherever you are!
ReplyDeleteSolider? I seriously couldn't believe anyone could misspell soldier so I had to look at your previous post to see if it was true. I'm sure you know the results. You really are that stupid. I guess stupid people repeat themselves a lot because they have nothing to say. Like erin and jason.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0Vn2nU8QhM&list=FLglh_z90ZEHY&index=98
ReplyDeleteone of my fav songs
skip to 00:20
That's all you get in prison david. I'm sure you'll only have it briefly. Homosexual prostitutes get treated pretty badly inside. Whatever you do david don't get caught.
ReplyDeleteUkan looks at the vast expanse of the mental hospital.
ReplyDeleteAll the patients are soldiers.
Ukan is the General
Overhead speaker says
Ukan COME take your medicine
i repeat myself with stupid people
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ReplyDeleteTo the Reader, Manipulators change their personality according to the people they are talking to.
ReplyDeleteWe know how they like to have a conversation, we want them to like the conversation, we want them to like us, because we need their trust for whatever reason it is.
I also like to talk to one person than to a large group, 2 is ok, 3 is a little bit too much. It also depends on how well i know those people.
When talking to someone, i become them, everything they do, even what they thinking, i do, and i think it, i dare to say that most of the times im too many steps ahead.
I know them better than they know themselves.
It is me the only person i dont know, i dont know myself, the only thing i know is what i am capable of, even thou sometimes i exaggerate.
The only thing i know, is that i am not like most people, i dont know if i have a personality disorder, or if i just control my emotions so well that i haven't felt anything in about a year, i think, im not sure.
Maybe i am just depressed, it must be chronic, or maybe not.
I feel this need to know myself, i need that kind of control, to control every muscle of my face, every anxiety moment, every panic attack, every urge to attack someone or some mailbox, the only thing i know, is that i must stay in control.
Today i felt sadness, i haven't felt sad in a long time, most people would consider that a bad thing but given the circumstances to me it felt good, she was just there annoying me with her cries for over an hour she just stood there crying.
There was this moment when she looks at me with her eyes a little red already her face was covered in tears all wet, and then i felt it, it was strong my eyes started to tear up, but it didn't last long enough to shed a tear.
What does it mean? What does it matter?
I don't know, i might never find out, but its ok, i've learned to accept that not everything can controlled, i used to think that control was an illusion, i don't even understand why any more.
What creates a personality? What is a personality?
Behaviour, attitudes, and emotions.
What about our thoughts? Doesn't that mean anything? Are we supposed to put behaviour, attitude, and emotion above our own thoughts? That's right, we cant label people by their thoughts, not if we don't know them.
david, why not just davidsocio? :)
ReplyDeleteHaving seldom used violence david, yah, you would survive. You would survive because you wouldn't be involved in prison politics. However, I would rather risk my life than survive sucking dick, getting fucked, and getting my stuff stolen. What kind of time do you get for prostitution in your country dave?
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ReplyDelete@Anon 5:10
ReplyDeleteYour post touched me .
I heard the pain of free falling.
I have that too where you can't "touch " the bottom of yourself.
You feel like you could fall in a hole and never stop going down cuz there is no end.
Is that what you mean?
@Zoe Hi Sweetie
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ReplyDelete@Erin its more like i am the hole in which i fall, i manipulate everything and everyone that sometimes i just have to stop, clear my mind and think, am i manipulating myself? Sometimes i think i am.
ReplyDeleteUnconsciously im searching for something, i know i am, i just dont know what it is, sounds crazy, guess im crazy.
@Anon
ReplyDeleteIt does NOT sound crazy.I get it. It is the lack of a defined self. Is that what you think ,too?
@Anon
ReplyDeleteDo you feel like water which will spill and just go in so many directions there will be nothing?
Erin 5:28 - Well yes i guess, i can be whoever i want to be i adapt, so im in a constant change (like everybody else), except im aware of that change, there is no real me.
ReplyDeleteMay i ask you something? How do you describe your personality?
Erin 5:30 - What the fuck?
@Anon
ReplyDeleteWhy did you write wtf?
I was trying to ask if it felt like that.
How to describe my personality.
Let me think about it cuz it is a very serious question and asked with a sincerity I respect.
I may even come back tomorrow
I don't want to be flippant about it :)
Violence for me was part of my upbringing and societal conditioning.
ReplyDeleteI often wonder how different I would be if the physical abilities I possess were taken from me.....I think about that for a few seconds and discard it as irrelevant because i AM what I was brought up as...no more no less, Ive just honed whatever skills I possess to get what i need/want and move on. My achilles heel is a woman who accepts me for what I am. She is BPD and hard work sometimes, but she is the sole person who gets to peek behind the mask occasionally.
@Ukan, one would have to assume (yeah I know what assumption does lol) that you are in a position that the display of violence or demonstration of violent or threatening behavior is either acceptable to those close, or your world is sufficiently well controlled that such behavior doesn't bring with it the threat of imminent incarceration? would that be accurate?
@david
ReplyDeletethe 01 goes without saying :)
@Anon
ReplyDeleteThis question is gonna take me awhile to answer.I may need to do it in small posts and at different times.
I am so glad you asked it cuz it is such a real question and such a piercing one with the angst of it.
Could we discuss it between us?
I don't have a clear answer cuz my self is amorphous too .
Anon 5:10 PM:
ReplyDeleteI don't think what your describing is someone who is sociopathic nor do I relate. Depression is something sociopaths rarely feel. Depression is anger turned inward. Sociopaths externalize their anger on real or percieved enemies.
Sociopaths are not emotionless. It's a commmon misconception. They have no conscience, which makes their reactions to things seem unemotional.
Example:
I feel happy 90% of the time. If I get angry I snap on the person I think is responsible until they get the point not to cross the lines I've drawn up. I take it to whatever level it takes to get people to do what I want.
I'm lazy at anything that requires actual labor. I get other people to do it for me. I make money at the expense of the community.
I have been breaking the law so long I forget sometimes I'm even a criminal.
I had several juvenielle offences
I had several adult offences
I got away with a lot of them
I emulate other people to fit what they want.
I manipulate people just for kicks. I like finding out what people are insecure about and use it to control them. It's one of the first things I try to do to you when I meet you.
I believe in only power. Everything else is irrelevant. I enforce my will on people and if they dont accept it I coerce them, while playing myself as the victim of their hostilities to the people around the situation.
I like money. I like expensive things. I like influence. I like fucking. I like drinking. I like conning people.
I hate working. I hate the weak. I hate authority, unless it's mine. Most of all I hate boredom.
I hope that helps you understand.
Erin, Ive watched your postings and find it all quite amusing .
ReplyDeleteYou are like a feel-good, descriptive psychotic fairy who flits in and out of the socio forest hoping that the dust you sprinkle will make the wolves turn into placid, easily read fellow beings. Unfortunately I dont think fairy dust works on sociopaths or psychopaths! It'd be kind of fun to pull your wings off and superglue you to the oven door though :-)
@Lycan
ReplyDeleteIt is funny you say that cuz you have truth in what you say.
I want to take some one who can NEVER see me and make them see me and "get" me and care for me and most especially be different :(
Nix the superglue to the over door though Darling
Erin said...
ReplyDeleteI heard the pain of free falling.
I have that too where you can't "touch " the bottom of yourself.
You feel like you could fall in a hole and never stop going down cuz there is no end.
i like this. free falling to the bottom of yourself. why pain?
@Erin I didn't understand the metaphor.
ReplyDeleteThinking too much will drive you away from your unconscious answers, which they say are most the correct and sincere ones.
There is a reason for everything especially for what we think, even if we think it doesn't make sense, it does in some way.
I guess you may also be thinking in the information you will give me, if you should or should not put it here, its ok we all do that.
You can't "make" anyone be or do anything.
ReplyDeleteyou might want to delete your last post :)
ReplyDelete@Anon
ReplyDeleteIt is NOT about putting it here.I am an open book. It is not that at all.
Your question seemed so primal and so filled with a kind of depth that touched me that I wanted to respect it.
I will try to think though and maybe come up with something tonight.
Unfortunately Erin, you wouldnt have much choice in my supergluing you to the oven door, in fact the only chance youd have to get away from me would be to play dead or lifeless as I'd get bored and walk away.
ReplyDeleteAre you actually serious in the fact that you want a room of social misfits and monsters to "get you"...then become a friend..and then treat you as the most wonderful person in their life? and in their actions , be different from every other person who has ever been in your life..is that what you are saying?
@Medusa
ReplyDeleteit's like this. you first give them a reason to want to please you. then you tell them it's okay not to.
i use this technique to negotiate with salesmen.
@Anon
ReplyDeleteI will tell you where I am coming from .
I have one goal,one passion.I want to be "real".
I want to be "me".
That is a "self".That is what you are asking about.
I want to be a defined self,my unique and defined self.
I want to express it.That to me is joy.
I want that more than I want anything.
I am trying to get it in all my various ways; self devised cuz I don't trust shrinks.
I think they make you worse.
I want to get to the "core" of myself.We don't want to free fall to nothing.
What takes the place of nothing is a self.
I am crying writing this cuz it should be so natural to have a self and it is so hard when it fractured due to abuse as mine did.
That is all I can say at the moment.
I have nothing to hide on here.I have done all my hiding.I don't want to hide any more.
I will discuss anything.
Lycan, are you a social misfit and monster?
ReplyDelete@ Zoe. I must try that method one day. Usually I just corner salespeople and scare them so subtley that they will do almost anything to find a way to get the fuck away from me.This method doesnt work with other psychos though lol.
ReplyDelete@Lycan
ReplyDeleteWhat I am saying is inside me is a little girl who wants to make THAT fairy tale come true.
The reason is that I wanted to make it "come true" with my mother. I kept repeating it over and over in my life until I tried it again on here.
I was still doing that until yesterday when I saw what Tik was saying.
Dead people are not gonna come alive and see me.
Only in my dreams.
Erin, guess what?
ReplyDeleteYou are YOU already, right now. There is no prize in the Crackerjack box.
WYSIWYG, at any given moment.
Keep digging though, as I guess it gives you something to do.