"I pick up on accents." That's what I always tell people when they ask where I get my accent from. When I hear someone speaking with a distinctive accent, I adopt it for my own, at least for that moment while I'm with them. It can get particularly offensive or dicey when I adopt the accent of someone of a different race or class from me and they think I'm making fun of them. I do it very naturally and the result, like that of many aspects of having a personality disorder, is that I don't really have the accent of my nationality or place of birth -- the default. What I have instead is a hodgepodge where people assume that I'm foreign, but no one can quite put a finger on where I might be from.
For sociopaths, mimicry is their metier, their bread and butter.
I have a good friend who was initially very frustrated that I didn't seem to have defaults: no default understanding of right and wrong, no default beliefs, no default personality even. Everything had to be reasoned, everything had to be constructed anew. It can be frustrating for me too. It's time consuming. And sometimes it disturbs me how impressionable I am. Being a blank slate, sometimes I can surprise even myself with non sequiturs or unpredictable behavior. It's sort of scary.
For sociopaths, mimicry is their metier, their bread and butter.
Hare once illustrated this for Nicole Kidman, who had invited him to Hollywood to help her prepare for a role as a psychopath in Malice. How, she wondered, could she show the audience there was something fundamentally wrong with her character?I think mimicry is interesting, and I think a lot of empaths think it's freaky. What I find more freaky is what constant mimicry suggests -- that you have no baseline "you," that you are always just reactions to outside stimuli.
"I said, 'Here's a scene that you can use,' " Hare says. " 'You're walking down a street and there's an accident. A car has hit a child in the crosswalk. A crowd of people gather round. You walk up, the child's lying on the ground and there's blood running all over the place. You get a little blood on your shoes and you look down and say, "Oh shit." You look over at the child, kind of interested, but you're not repelled or horrified. You're just interested. Then you look at the mother, and you're really fascinated by the mother, who's emoting, crying out, doing all these different things. After a few minutes you turn away and go back to your house. You go into the bathroom and practice mimicking the facial expressions of the mother.' " He then pauses and says, "That's the psychopath: somebody who doesn't understand what's going on emotionally, but understands that something important has happened."
I have a good friend who was initially very frustrated that I didn't seem to have defaults: no default understanding of right and wrong, no default beliefs, no default personality even. Everything had to be reasoned, everything had to be constructed anew. It can be frustrating for me too. It's time consuming. And sometimes it disturbs me how impressionable I am. Being a blank slate, sometimes I can surprise even myself with non sequiturs or unpredictable behavior. It's sort of scary.
Ive just figured out Im a Socio, Im not really bothered by it(How can one miss what one has never had?). Now that I know... I feel empty. Well I do feel something, The Games, Oh the thrill of the games. But everything else seems like shallow water in comparison (its there just not as strong as others I expect).
ReplyDeleteIm twenty-two, rather gifted in games. I was always like I am ;) I learned from two game players... As the Caterpillar would say; "Whoo Are You?"
Am I uncommon?
-Anonymous.
I typically take quotes and emotes that I see on movies, tv or what I read and use them at the right moment when in conversation best to say something most would be offended by like "I'd be all over that that like a pedophile on a twelve year old" guage the reaction and respond accordingly. Using just enough mirth to disarm the offense so you don't come off as insincere then just ask em any old thing depending of the person. You aren't uncommon and your not broken either.
DeleteMy sociopath moved out when I unmasked him. I always believed his lies, though I have to admit I did so because I didn't want to see the truth. He actually cried once on one if the occasions in which I questioned him. He showed "compassion" for people who died in other countries and gave money to strangers. I can see now that what enables sociopath to get away with this mimicry is cognitive dissonance on the part of their "friends" and victims. It has taken me a long time to separate my belief in his altruism and his extraordinary disregard for me. He exploited my own sense of goodness in order to use my home as a base from which to rest from various affairs. I have become obsessively interested in my recovery time to learn everything I can. I tend to be excited by these shifty characters, and find myself going into the rabbit hole deeper and deeper. But I was traumatized to say the least. However, I think I have learned an amazing thing through the pain. It's easy to be exploited when you are a vulnerable person or if you tend to be a little too oblivious in your personal relationships. Friends of mine who thought this man a good soul and an all around charming fellow are still being bamboozled and I have to just separate myself from them now. They don't get it anymore than I did when i was the victim. I remember enjoying our conversations and just feeling comfortable, but his secret life was always humming in the background. I was somewhat aware of it, but the opiate of his company was more preferable than learning the truth. I learned the truth by accident, and it shook the foundations of my life, sad to say. There were red flags everywhere and I had to take a serious look at what I ignored right from the get go. At the beginning I tried to call him in some if his shit, but he used some very effective emotional blackmail and extortion that broke me down like a Marine recruit.
DeletePaying attention, questioning more aggressively, keeping my vulnerabilities hidden, and valuing myself more would have helped.me enormously, I also settled for scraps and noticed that my sociopath took way more than he was entitled to. Victims tend to project onto a sociopath what they (victims) want to see in a lover or pity their sociopathic lover believing he will eventually reform and love equally. This website has been incredibly helpful, though it is somewhat horrifying at the same time. I don't fool myself that I won't run into another man if this type, but I hope I've taken my last hard lesson. It is fascinating to me. I'd rather have a conscience, thank you, but I see how not having much of one insulates a sociopath from pain. On mushrooms, this man looked like a lizard. I think I saw his true predatory nature at that time. I can't get that image out of my head.
Huh, you might want to check out David Icke and his theories about "lizard people" .
DeleteHe suggested a small % of the population is part reptile. The reptiles lack empathy because they're not quite human.
Hope that's not too "far out" for you to consider.
No, I keep my mind open. Nothing's too far out to consider. I have looked at some of Icke's material. I can't buy into it wholeheartedly, but the world is full of wonder and mystery.
DeleteIt's something I just keep in my mind for reference at a later date.
O.O I too dated one, for a year. He ended up getting me to do everything for him. I was 19, he was 24. I bought him a cheap car an everything else he wanted. He let me live at his parents' with him when I got kicked out of my own home. He was a porn and drug addict. I thought he truly loved me, until he beat me to a pulp, strangled me, held a knife to my neck, and made me beg for my life. He found it funny. He left in the coat I bought him. I thought he was everything and more. He ruined my life. I am now 21, and suspect everyone of being a sociopath. They are cancerous to society. It's like the domino effect. They become this way by means of parental negligence or abuse, breed themselves, and commit such atrocities against their young. Anyways, I too took mushrooms once with mine, and he too resembled a reptile. That's what initiated my need to respond... Cold blooded cancer.
DeleteCont'd: I have spent the last two years allowing this experience to consume me and inhibit me from forming any new healthy relationships. I trust no one, not even myself. I now think everyone I meet is a sociopath. I now hate the world and all who inhabit it, including myself. He, without a slap on the wrist, is still out preying on poor anyone he can. Sociopaths and psychopaths are subhuman; cancerous to this world. I could kill a man. I used to be so sympathetic and empathetic. No longer am I sympathetic to these subhumans; blame this man. My youth is now wasted, spent in a twisted, cynical hatred for humanity. I was so beautiful, inside and out. Caring, nurturing, youthful. Now, I will die scarred, and hopefully soon. But you don't care. That's the worst part.
DeleteThe Games, Oh the thrill of the games
DeleteReally? "The Games?" If you actually "played the Games" you would not stoop to the cliché of calling them that. And, yes, manipulation is a thrill ride; if the person is smart enough, it gets me high. But I would never call it "the thrill of the Games".
Anonymous 1-2-2014 as I am a "tri-path" (part sociopath/psychopath and part empath) I care about you but not very much. If you have not committed suicide by now, you may be in deep trouble. Call your local "crisis line," and get help. If it's too late . . . well, that's the breaks. No use crying over spilled milk.
Deleteyep, the world with these psychos are not very nice place..but I refuse not to enjoy it because of these useless shits..
Deletewith the abundance of sociopaths, psychopaths and "tripaths" sigh...it would seem the percentage has been estimated a little low. i'd say 80 percent of humans are on the anti social spectrum? maybe even 90 percent once this fad hits a new high and everyone wants to be hannibal lector
DeleteI truly hate it. I hide my intentions all the time to not hurt others. Its the most taxing and mentally toiling thing in the world, but I have a family that loves me in spite of it all and I think this may run in our blood. I don't knows how else to be 'good' by their standards and how else to honor them. I can't care like they can, but I can still be loyal and have appreciation. I love my family, love to me means sacrifice in spite of my feelings or lack there of.
DeleteYou so eloquently described the frustrating sensation of the groundlessness of the sociopath. Always feeling like being on the verge of something exciting, but never quite attaining it...and absolutely nothing solid to fall back on.
ReplyDeleteA horrific ride.
Interesting.
ReplyDeleteI was beginning to feel this as I was reading your blog posts yesterday.
It felt as though I should mimic what was written in my own way, so that's how I commented--mimicing what was written about in my best way using the best experience that I felt that suited.
I sometimes think: does the fact I mimic make it seem as though I am faking sociopathy or does it support me being a sociopath?
I personally think it's the second, but I am bias. Haha.
With all due respect to those who've shared insurmountable information on this site...what the hell are you talking about? Sociopathy is a disgusting character flaw that SHOULD be exposed to the fullest degree. My 'empath'etic nature has encountered such lieing, manipulating, deceiving and calculating individuals and believe the problem lies with a TOTAL disregard for anyone but themselves. Its selfishness taken beyond the horizon...and to say sociopaths live in a misery unlike any other is a cop out. As a therapist, my experience has shown that sociopaths CANT feel misery because they DONT feel..except for the occasional pity party they may have for themselves surrounding a 'game' they either lost or didnt turn out EXACTLY as they had planned. These individuals are NOT to be sympathized with...that is the opening of a door you will NOT be able to close.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. Since when is wanting or causing the utter destruction of a human beings life or being basically a amoral "person" a disease?? Psychopaths and sociopaths (only a pure narcissist would need to be called a sociopath cause it's 'sexier' i guess) ARE the disease on the larger whole of the human body (society). They mimic like cancer and destroy for their own survival... period. That's why there is a moon on this site.. the only way they exist is by catching the light from Humans with empathy and souls. Without us.. what are they?
DeleteI am not some sort of disease to human society, just because I dont share emotions dosnt mean I dont contribute to society, I mimic because I woulnt get anywhere in life if people saw me how i really am,acually they wouldnt believe me If I flat out told them Ive kept up the same persona for a long time now, Im not going to deny that I havent used people for my own benifit, but only for small things, but i dont seek out to destroy people I dont have much ambition in fact you should see my apartment I dont even have the ambition to clean up after myself, I tjust want to make enough money to get by and then some and be left alone.
DeleteCan't imagine walking into a therapist's office who is ready to make judgement (objectiveness equates professionalism, but that's just me.)
DeleteAnyway, "misery" perhaps isn't the most appropriate way to put it. But do use that empathy of yours on said subject merely AS a subject, disregarding the socio* title, and think,
What would it be like to be in a constant and inescapable flat/blank state?
I'd say "misery" would surely come to mind. But skip that and move onto a less ironic scenario and think again. If that were the case, I suspect you would too rely on mimicking reactions, facial expressions, body language, vocal tones, et cetera.
In fact, if you were to ask a good number of "empaths" (as it seems to be the nickname around here), they would have to agree and say that they have done so themselves, when confronted with an intensely serious or stressful situation in which they do not know what to do nor how to re/act. Those "awkward" moments, as they say.
Without any of it (mimicry), I see nothing. Maybe a sense of suspended animation. A parallel life, but nothing more. So, it most definitely is a tool. Not necessarily to deceive, which is what I'm guessing a worrisome Doc would think it to be, but to merely get by. To deal with people. To "keep the peace", if you will.
(Okay, this is starting to sound like some insightful Shakespearean tragedy, which is not my intention. But I suppose you get my point. And if not, well, it made much more sense in my head.)
-Iz.
Every time I hear or read the word "therapist" I think "the rapist." Insert [laughter] here.
DeleteIt is what it is, a branch of human evolution most likely. Only time will tell, the victor, survival of the fittest as they say.
But I, like any sociopath, have my purposes, and we have our advantages in various professions. We contribute to society, just as you do Mr. Therapist.
What you are calling for is a witch hunt. Maybe instead of defending the fools who get had by us sociopaths, you could take a more professional, objective perspective and realize in the great game of life, in the scheme of things, fools who get taken-in are probably just evolutionary dead-ends anyway.
You are vile beyond description. You should die out. Then I will laugh.
DeleteEmpath.
A) In my experience, yes we do feel pain, loneliness, and misery. As a sociopath I've always seen other people, interacted with them, but I can never really connect with them. I want to be able to, and i can imagine what it would be like if I did, I just can't seem to get it right. We may understand society and people better than anyone else, but our main natural defences are mimicking and lying. They aren't necessarily bad things however, as, being as I am, I can always know how to say the right thing at the right time to help people get through emotional traumas, keep a tense situation calm, and help people through difficult situations, as I can see the whole picture in a relatively un-biased way. It kills me that I know that I'll never be able to have a deep, empathetic connection and relationship with anyone, and I long for it as something I know I may never have. But I can try to help the people I like, and try to be supportive of them, and at least try to make an effort towards that deep connection in case it does work out.
DeleteB) You seem very angry right now, and seem to be typing in a very dramatic tone.
C) Many sociopaths grew up in abusive situations where they couldn't trust anyone, any emotions they had were used against them, anyone they connected to either hurt them or they were forcibly cut off from, and never knew when the next shoe was going to drop. Many sociopathic traits may stem from this, and were certainly aggravated by it. Childhood development is so excruciatingly important to human behaviour and identity, we keep many of the traits we acquired in childhood forever, as that is when we shape our views of the world and grow to survive in it.
D) sociopaths generally work by pursuing a certain 'goal'. They aren't necessarily 'evil', and most save for a few are perfectly normal, they're simply goals. It could be wanting to go to outer space, or becoming the best chess player in the world, or getting a degree. It's a very effective and efficient way of looking at life, and is especially useful in a leadership position, getting projects done in the best way with the least amount of effort for all involved.
E) The way you're speaking about is eerily similar to the witch trials, spanish inquisition, multiple genocides and Hitler's persecution of the non-pure germans. Something you may want to ponder.
F) Who hurt you??? It's obviously damaged your view on the world. That can lead to dangerous and erratic behaviour.
G) You people seem to almost enjoy persecution of a certain group, common enemy, to a frightening point. (see point E)
H) Always remember to take any scientific studies and information about sociopaths with a grain of salt. The information and subjects available to them come only from sociopaths in prison, and a handful of CEO's and lawyers. Sociopaths in prison are by their nature low-functioning sociopaths, unstable enough to commit crimes, and (bit spooky) get caught. It is a very biased and small sample selection, but a one of the natural defence mechanisms of sociopaths is remaining hidden, and high-functioning sociopaths are very good at this, it is the best sample selection researchers can find, no matter how inaccurate it may be. short of being sociopathic being widely accepted by society and there being no chance of persecution towards sociopaths, our natural instinct is to remain in hiding (see point C).
^ Also, adding on to my previous point, you describe sociopathy as a "disgusting character flaw". It has been proven by the few studies on sociopaths that it caused in part by a disconnect and abnormal functioning in the brain and brain structure, one of the few solid facts about sociopaths. It is a physical difference, and therefore is no way related to character, which is based more on things picked up growing up, and personality. Sociopathy could well be classed as a disability as it is a difference in brain structure and functioning. character flaws can be changed with some will and true effort by the person possessing them, I can tell you from first hand attempts by myself, it isn't possible to 'erase' being sociopathic, at least not really, not anything past putting on a show or changing the colors of a mask.
DeleteReading these comments full of judgement and fear of psychopaths and sociopath make me realise that we still live in dark ages. :( How are these fears and rationalisations are different from blind fear of witches and belief into "normal" is different from religious fanatism of 12 century when inquisition, torture and burning at the stake prevailed?! Just because you don't understand and are scared of the dark does not mean dark is out there to get you.
DeleteThere are plenty of sociopath out there who are by all formal measures have positive impact on our society. The difference is they know what and why they are doing, and they consciously choose to make positive impacts.
And as for playing with people - yes it is amusing sometimes. However most sociopath don't waste their life on this. It gets boring quite quickly too. In fact most focus their attentions on positive personal achievement, not you.
Manipulation is useful and natural mechanism. And everyone, including deep empath and most altruistic people in the world manipulate; so do babies, animals and genes. So before jumping to vindictive hatred look in a mirror. The difference is sociopath are more commonly in control of their intentions and actions.
So why not focus your emotional energy onto making a more positive impact on the world and others. I promise you in 90% of cases you are not interesting enough for sociopath to bother with wasting his/her energy on negatively affecting your life.
To the therapist above me. Just because you don't understand us, doesn't mean you have the right to judge us all. You're right about the cop out part. everyone lives in their own misery, I'd like to think I have a special hell but I don't rather a different locale in it.
ReplyDeleteI've been doing my best to be a good person, and I am no where near where I am supposed to be. You know what though, I'm a good friend, and I love people in my own way, and I'm trying like hell to make sure I always put others above myself. So how about you go back to your text books and try and wrap your head around us, and we will watch and mimic.
Or you can admit, it is an apples and oranges situation, I don't get you, you don't get me, and we will both try and do right. By the way you empaths can be just as selfish, small picture people, who do things because they feel, out of some uncontrollable compulsion.
That't the proper response isn't it ;)
What an insightful therapist!! You have my respect.
DeletePerfectly executed. How DARE she judge you!
DeleteThere is no YOU, That's why. LOL.
DeleteYou deserve a medal for that...
DeletePLEASE keep doing what you're doing. I try to reach for the same goals of being a good person to other people, to follow my 'manufactured moral compass'. You most likely don't get enough credit for the efforts you put in, but you should. :)
DeleteWhat a great response Davie. The sociopaths that I know too live by a code of being careful in their conduct and not creating negative affects on those around them as much as they can.
DeleteOn a separate note. From years of observations I conclude that those who end up being "victims" (as they see it) of the "leaching" sociopath often crave the attention and the emotional rollercoaster. They almost beg to be lied to, to be deluded just so that they can feel special, significant and/or loved. They throw themselves in, even when they can sense or even know the "danger" of emotional hurt. And they do it because they crave drama, sense of mattering, excitement, feeling of something happening in their world. Some may even be addicted. And then they get the second emotional buzz from being the victim and all the empathy they collect from "normal" people around them. Its very sad to watch.
Davey,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your point of view. I'm an empath and I appreciate hearing that you love people in your own way and try to put people above yourself. I realize that must be difficult.
I'm in a relationship with a socio and I've recently realized that it can't last. I still care about him....but I know he'll never care about me in the way that I want him to. That said, he might find someone who is more appropriate for him.
My question is, can we still be friends? Can we still be close?
E
Yes you can still be close. He will call you when things are not going his way, you will feel like his confidant/best friend...but only in a time of percieved crisis.
ReplyDeleteIf this serves your needs or does not it is completely up to you. Being a female it is in your DNA to forigive and have the desire to be needed. Just try to be more logical than emotional.
To the "Therapist" = thoerist : you have been hurt, that's too bad, seems you are having a little pity party yourself here. You are biased. Understandable.
Many Sociopaths create a "code" to live by to temper their actions in an attempt to do the right thing and cause little to no harm.
There is , as you know, no treatment or drugs that can be relied on as being a "cure". I was diagnosed early. I created my personal code a few years ago. I have adhered to it quite successfully. I still have issues with promescutiy and "breaking hearts"...but I am ok with that ;)
Detesting a bird because it can fly or a slug because it can not is illogical. A slug will still be a slug and a bird a bird.
Give me a concrete reason to change and I may attempt it. Spite me and I will take pleasure in watching your anguish grow. Empaths eat themselves alive from the inside out. Facsinating to witness.
Sugar RAE.
This is great advice. I finally have had to "go cold" on two sociopaths that have been in my life on and off for years. I felt bad, being an emotionally generous person, but when I began seeing them as predators and myself as prey, I started to wise up and use my logic more than my emotional side in dealing with them.I just couldn't do it anymore. And one day I won't see them as predators but for now I have to. I got drained of waay too much - by narcissists too. In one year, I kicked about six of these types to the curb - those on the continuum of narcissism to sociopath. Only two sociopaths though and that was enough for me. One was a dedicated yogini who wears the sage young crone persona well, until she worms her way in to drain you of good, money, time, energy you don't have. I think I surprised the last sociopath. He tried to pull a fast one on me and I dropped him so fast his head spun. He thought my compassionate side would always be there to exploit. Not anymore. I'm totally drained by these people and ended up with severe depression and chronic fatigue. I feel sorry for them still though but I don't want them in my life. I even tried to be friends with them, knowing they are sociopathic and it just didn't work out for me and well, I'm grateful for that.
DeleteI feel bad they can't really connect with me and sorry for them. I really do. But for me, who is very hurt by false connections and manipulations, I can't be there for them. And I see their good side too which was the hard thing. I do not and will not believe that every sociopath has no soul or no real feelings about certain things. In fact, the two that I had to leave behind me were very passionate people ironically. Just no conscience.
Deleteyes, and I'm the disgusting empath who has eaten herself alive. No more. But I see the sociopaths have granted me the gift of finally getting a backbone. I don't know if I would have gotten one otherwise. It had to be via extreme measures and ironic transmission.
DeleteAnonymous you explained my empath experience with sociopaths, perfectly!
Deletei relate completely to the mimicry thing and i am not a socio, but an uber empath. even the bit about causing offence when you mimic someone's foreign accent. i do it in corner shops without meaning to.
ReplyDeleteand people never know where i am from even though i've lived in the same country my whole life. they think i'm american or australian. i just say it must be cos i watch a lot of tv. lol.
it's the kind of thing i never realise until someone mentions it.
i once met a socio, and the comedy of our exchanges (couldn't call them conversations) was resounding. we would both mimic each other throughout and it meant there was never much content there.
it was as if we were waiting for the other to say something from which we could follow suit. they were the most unsatifying exchanges i'd had with a person.
on the other point, i do have some sense of a constant self based solely on my depth of emotions. but cos i have no ideologies and barriers that come from that, it means i am pretty open to the elements. i can find myself anywhere, doing pretty much anything. this doesn't scare me though cos i know i have emotional barriers that will protect me if needs be.
so, i can't relate to the socio on that.
So is mimicry demonstrative of a lack of independent thought? If one knows one is mimicking another, then why doesn't he/she stop? Sounds a lot like stuffing oneself with Twinkies and then complaining about weight gain. Just because someone finds him/herself doing something naturally doesn't mean he/she- especially when aware of the behavior- shouldn't stop. It's called self-discipline and free will. Isn't that what separates humans from other creatures? Their ability to not follow pure, barbaric instinct?
ReplyDelete^lack of independent thought? No. I know what I am after. I can think on my own.
ReplyDeleteWhy don't I stop? Well, because it's pretty awesome to try on a different pair of shoes from time to time. Although, I can control the mimicking. I usually don't do it in front of the person because I know it is inappropriate and will generate a reaction the does not pan out in my favor. I like being liked and admired. Even if the impression I've left is based on fictitious characteristics. I have an amazing memory, and I never slip up. It's not wrong if nobody knows about it.
About the twinkie/ fatties analogy goes, I can't stand overweight whiners, or homeless spangers. I don't feel the least bit sorry for them. Morons. If you want to change, then change.
Unfortunately, the closest I can come to feeling any kind of genuine emotion is to mimic it. I haven't cried in 2 years, and the last time I did was when I made up a story to tell the cop that pulled me over, and it required a tear or two to amp it up. (I've gotten out of 11 tickets so far.)
And barbaric instinct hardly applies to the socio. What you don't seem to understand is that we are naturally like a piece of string. We just shift shapes according to our environment. When I'm alone, I'm usually burying myself in tasks. Or practicing my mimicking.
Whatever.
And nobody in my life (except my mother, who no longer talks to me), knows about my mental disorder. I'm a hairdresser that makes a LOT of money off of my ability to mimic. Everyone who knows me would tell you that I am the most colorful, creative, and sweetest person ever.
I'm not.
I had dated someone up until recently, who I caught in lies and observed how he manipulated, lied to, controlled and used other people including me. He can be so charming, believe it or not. I try to break it off with him, and he might not call for a few days, but then here we go again.... he keeps calling my phone.. and it will go on for hours so that I can't even use my phone. I use my phone for business, so it's next to impossible to change my number, with a huge client base that calls my number and potential clients. He will also show up at my apartment and pound on the door and has made scenes at my apartment and once at my office. I've seen him driving by alot... I know he's stalking me. I've had to call the police a number of times. I've never in my life ever seen anyone so parasitic, that every action and decision he makes involves using someone, in varying degrees. I could go into a lot of detail, but honestly I'm completely worn out even thinking about all the things he's done to me. Now, I'm having a problem getting out of the relationship and I've uncovered criminal activity with this guy. Now I'm concerned that he wants to harm me. I just can't seem to escape this. I'm now looking into changing my identity and career. This has been the worst nightmare of my whole life.
ReplyDeleteWhat is this, 1-800-HelpAnEmpath? Anyone with a story like this should be telling this stuff to the police. Getting proof of it. You already know your situation and what you could do about it. All you're doing now is acting like a pathetic little lost bunny and looking for attention.
DeleteStop seeking advice on a sociopathic blog, wishing to aquire pity from those that don't. Are you insane or just stupid?
If it were that easy, then we would escape! Socios are expert manipulators and reporting them is often useless as they cover their tracks so well.
DeleteObviously, you have not experienced this, because if you had, you wouldn't be writing in such a contemptuous and ignorant manner!
This is the main problem, lack of awareness, which this blog is trying to counteract and help victims.
Sorry but this blog is not to help victims at all. Women constantly confuse Sociopaths with anyone who lies and cheats them. It's sad that you don't realize that regular empaths can be just as bad as sociopaths when it comes to relationships. A lot of Sociopaths do not even want to be in relationships because it is a lot of work trying to pretend. Most sociopaths would just completely cut you off emotionally. You are replaceable in their eyes. Report him to the police and not label him as sociopath because he might seem like one. Get a restraining order as well. You are a victim, but you are also seeking attention from sociopaths who could not care less at you.
DeleteHe's probably bored and likes the thrill of trying to win you back. At the same time he's probably acquired his next target.
Deleteobviously there is more that he needs from u that he doesnt feel he has received. us socios will drain everything from u that we feel we need and if there is something we didnt have the chance to get we will never leave. or maybe your giving into him here and there? if u are thats all he needs. its fuel to the fire. right now he thinks your betraying him probaly and girl thats could put u in harms way.
ReplyDeleteRUN- to the girl posting - Anonymous - April 9, 2012 ! You are in harms way: Wisconsin beware.
ReplyDeleteDevil may cry, devil may care. I find it odd no one sympathizes with a soico. People feel for a cancer patient who didn't ask for cancer, but who feels for someone with no real feelings. No one, so we make them feel. They judge us for not feeling. ironically i feel ashamed of who i am, or what i am i should say. A devil apparently, just google sociopath. Hopeless case, stay away, avoid at all cost. Aids victim, those are people too and you shouldn't make them feel bad or different. So can and should a devil cry or care?
ReplyDeleteSamieal
Nobody has any pity for you because you have no pity for anybody else.
DeletePractising playing a victim eh?? too bad I couldn't care :).
DeleteMost of the posts from self proclaimed socios betray low emotional quotients. High IQ and driven to succeed in your exterior life, but too lazy to work on inner self improvement. Sociopathy is just sloth in disguise. It's way cooler to label yourself a soc.
ReplyDeleteSociopaths are like chameleons. They like to blend in to the environment by changing their colors. I think any form of deception, whether you are an empath or a sociopath is doing it, needs this scheme to manipulate others.
ReplyDeleteI knew a 30+ male sociopath who likes to seduce older women (40s to 60s) and lonely married women. I am not talking about a gigolo here. I am talking about a sociopath. This person likes to flirt with every woman in his workplace (thin, fat, young, old-- it doesn't matter), but his main targets are financially stable women. He is a good researcher. He engages in casual conversations related to these women's lifestyle, salary and relationships. From those conversations, he can label these women as potential prey or useless. In order for him to be successful in winning the heart of his prey, he has to know her weakness. The major sign that he is looking for is if this woman is attracted to him or not. If yes, then he will use his charm to seduce her. If not, he will do further research on how to win her confidence.
Most women who are vulnerable to this scheme are the ones who are looking for men who can satisfy their emotional and physical needs. Women who have intimacy issues with their partners are also prone to this trap. Most male sociopaths use sex to manipulate women. Many articles I read about the victims of sociopaths were referred to as having low intelligence or low self-esteem. Actually, their prey comes from all walks of life, depending on how they were manipulated.
Sociopaths will never change. No matter how much interventions you put in their lives, they won't change. They don't even think that they are abnormal. They think that they are fine, and they do not need professional help or treatment.
The sociopath's brain works differently. The first indication of a sociopath is their lack of empathy. You cried, because he hurts your feelings. He does not perceive your tears as pain. In short, he cannot make a connection to your emotion. He does not understand why you were crying. All he knows is that you made him upset and he has to let you know in a harsh way that he is upset regardless of how you react to it. This is difficult for an empath, because she will feel humiliated and abused. For the sociopath, he did not do anything wrong to her. An empath should not expect guilt or an instant apology from a sociopath. It will not gonna happen (except when you cut him off and you are still very useful to him financially/economically). He will chase you for a reason, not because that he is guilty for his actions.
Constant stimulation is another major characteristic of a sociopath. They stay close to you if you constantly help them. Once the help is over, they will disappear in your life. They live a parasitic lifestyle. They have a built-in emotional scanner that will determine if you can be their long-time prey or short-time prey. Most of them are pathological liars. They remain cool about their lying scheme (no guilt or conscience after being caught), even to the point of exposing it to their face. Once they can feel that you are becoming useless for them (no more stimulus coming in), they are ready to move on. Why? Because most of the time, they are in constant search for "thrills". He may be in a committed relationship, but it does not mean that it will stop him from being promiscuous. I think sociopaths likes to live for a moment. They do not think about the future and the consequences of their actions. They are like drifters... putting their fate into the unknown.
For those of you who have encountered a sociopath, take it as a blessing to know one of them. The sociopath may have hurt and abused you, but the most important thing is you learn from it. Your experience will lead you to the discover your weakness as a person, as well as your strength.
Very helpful--thank you!!
Deletewe know we are abnormal, we are simply okay with the way we are, and accept it as being who we are. also, these basic facts are true, most sociopaths have developed personal codes and manufactured moral compasses that we use to judge right and wrong, and really aren't looking to hurt anyone as a goal in itself. Ignoring all else, hurting people is counter-productive. More bees with honey, happier society around you means less persecution and more open-mindedness to different kinds of people.
DeleteThis site is truly fascinating. I’m fascinated with human psychology and the diversity amongst our psyches--diversity that is almost as unique as fingerprints. We can categorize and label people to only to a certain point, but there will be variations and unique qualities within even the smallest sub-categories. Sociopaths are no exception. There are violent ones, peaceful ones, users, abusers, generous, and funny ones. Some are diabolical and others pretty boring. The common thread amongst the broad "sociopath" label seems to be a lack of ability to relate to other people on an emotional level.
ReplyDeleteMy burning question is, to the sociopaths that frequent this site, most of you seem accepting, even happy with the way you are and a few have mentioned that the thought of having heavy emotions seems like it would be a hindrance and a burden. But since I see there are some very analytical people here, I have to ask if you ever considered the opposite--that by lacking the ability to feel empathy and other emotions that most of the general population feels you are missing out on experiencing the richness of life. And do you think if you DID ever have such an envy of the "empathetic life", would it be possible for you to learn--through therapy/medication, etc, to ever actually experience those emotions?
I assume that a sociopath would first have to WANT to experience emotions from a purely envious standpoint and not an "I want to be a better person" standpoint considering the nature of sociopathy in general. But if that desire is present, I do wonder if sociopaths can be changed. And if any indeed HAVE been changed. In all of my research I have heard nothing about a reformed sociopath.
I'm what you might say is the other end of psychopathy--overly sensitive to a point that it sometimes interferes. Events like the Boston bombings, for example, affect me deeply, probably more than the average "empath". I spend hours reading up on the victims and thinking about how their lives and their families lives have been shattered, join support pages for them, and spend sleepless nights with the haunting images from that day in my mind. Sometimes it feels like I carry the weight of the world inside of me. Anti-depressants have helped take the edge off of my emotional intensity but at my core I'm a bleeding heart.
As much as my thin-skin and emotional nature had caused me pain, imagining life without feeling ANY emotional connection to other people seems pointless to me. Where is the "bigger picture", if you have no drive to make a difference in this world? For example, most people want to have children in hopes that they will grow up to be good, productive members of society and make a positive difference in this huge network we call life. That's why we cry at graduations and awards ceremonies and sporting events--because seeing them succeed is a reminder that our hard work at parenting them is leaving the world with a good person to carry on when we die. But I imagine a true sociopath wouldn't feel those emotions because their lack of empathy would make them unconcerned with future generations. Without that, I wonder, what stops a sociopath from just killing himself out of complete lack of purpose? I don't mean this in a disrespectful way at all.
I'm totally interested in what you're watching and noticing. I wish there were a way to connect here. Do you do research into this? I was on the edge hoping to, then encounters with this have been harmful to me lately so I'm hoping to get further away [but it's impossible at present]. I have wonder as it sounds you are, that if any want to change or say they do, that if by practice or cognitive- therapy and/or hypno etc, could develop feelings, and the desire to have feelings. I have seen these sorts of folks cry, at movies etc, and it always leaves me feeling... confused, how can they look like they feel emotion at a movie, but not when they are hurting someone? I see it as a super charged defensive system, feeling harmed, possibly by having been raised by non-emotive folks. I'm verging on ranting here though. If there is a way to follow research you may be doing, please consider posting that here. Thanks!
DeleteHow can you miss something you don't have and never had? As a hybrid, I always wondered why I never felt as if I belonged and "fit in" anywhere. Human beings are the only animals fully self aware of our own existence and of our own mortality. There are other "clever" animals such as the raccoons who live in our woods, but no other clever animals on our planet made that big step to full awareness. Why? Part of our evolutionary heritage is the ability to lie. We lie to others for our own gain. We lie to ourselves to protect ourselves from the "fear and loathing" of full awareness.
DeleteI am fairly happy with the way I am, emotions would get in the way and they seem to complicate life horribly. I do have ties where I wish I could connect with people on that deep level, as there is this deep sense of loneliness and emptiness. What is horrible about being a sociopath is that we can see the world in a fairly un-biased and frank way. And what we see is this sort of pointless, futile existence. But our lives are not without purpose. Many of us create a goal for ourselves, something we want to achieve with our lives, and we work towards that. I personally like doing things that make empaths happy, or relieves some of their stress or emotional confusion, doing things that have a good life.
DeleteYou've actually gone about this perfectly by the way. This is all written with a very open-minded, accepting, and genuinely interested view. You haven't written out of resentment or hatred, simply out of curiosity. You also seem to be quite intelligent. You're very good at interacting with people :)
echopersona. echopraxia, echolalia. They are found in autism/Asperger's. I've done it (diagnosed Asperger's) somewhat deliberately, looking for a way to deal with social situations, needing some persona with which to interact with people. Not to take advantage of them, but to avoid being ostracized, etc. I pick up on vocal patterns and accents, too, but not all the time.
ReplyDeleteEcholalia and echopraxia are kind of automatic, if I understand that correctly. Read about mirror neurons. I suppose they are irregular in sociopaths. They allow people to feel what others are emoting.
Let's clean up the language. Sociopaths are psychopaths......you should be quarantined from professions which include power over and responsibility for other human beings. You are incapable of human relationship, except as predators.
ReplyDeleteWe get to play both roles.
DeleteA bit much, don't you think? We're not exactly Godzilla or Satan now are we?
DeleteI have serious questions about an ex whom I happen to share a child with and was wondering if anyone could help pinpoint what he is? Doesnt seem to fit the hardcore sociopath but here is a couple of his traits; manipulative, inflated sense of self, nevers feels responsible or accountable for his actions. When confronted with this he doesnt seem to care one way or another. Charming, overly concened with EVERYBODY linking him and becomes a little distressed or at minimum obsessive if someone doesnt.Selfish, lacks empathy for the most part (his 2 yr old daughter seems to be the only thing he truly feels for that isnt an act but on the other hand he let her go 2 days with a raging mrsa infection before I found her. She had blood poisoning and had to have surgery. He did not seemed bothered by this either.) avoidant of any problem or conflict and when confronted lashes out verbally and physically. while manipulative he doesnt actually seem to want to cause hurt/pain, just wants to get his way. noncriminal, holds a job working for his parents, manages several of his own rental properties.
ReplyDeleteOf note is his father; absolutely dead eyes, without emotion and can actually see the mask he wears. appears to be a good man otherwise
Interesting... I was just commenting below, on someone I know, also raised by two folks who are dead and demeaning to their family members. I am starting, seeing your post here also, wondering how many of these folks are just raised this way, effectively being taught that family and love = no emotions, and that is what "love" is to them, so they never really experience it? Hmmm. Very Interesting, and certainly frightening... Like an ongoing and severe attachment disorder, sort of.
DeleteHe sounds like a Narccicist, especially with the whole 'over concern that others like him' thing. Beware of the manipulations to get what he wants (vs to hurt others). The end results can be just as damaging. My ex-husband's mistress is driving my retirement fund due to this kind of selfishness.
DeleteI am almost an adult psychopath. I also often just feel empty and unable to connect with others. I conceal my emptiness with acting as the funny guy. I also practice facial expressions and my range of emotions are limited to anger and boredom.
ReplyDeleteAnybody gives a single fuck about you lmao...
DeleteM. Momo, no one has commented because I don't believe anyone sees any fault in his statement, It's very relatable and needs no adding on to.
DeleteI am an extreme empath. To the person (also another empath) who asked about whether socio's think they are missing anything, of course not. They cannot miss what they have not experienced. They look at us with contempt and superiority - to them to be empathetic would be an 'inconvenience' and something which would just get in the way of their apparent ability to achieve "greatness" (as defined by them).
ReplyDeleteThey will never understand the real rich complexity of love, or the sweet paradox that being empathetic brings. To feel anothers pain, but to also feel such enormous joy and warmth in the heart that every second of feeling another beings or animals pain is worth it in that moment. They will never understand greatness other than in the sense of control, personal gain and power. Can you imagine a life driven by a need to manipulate and play games? Whilst ostensibly to them it feels like an advantage, I will be forever grateful and fortunate to fully experience, love, depth of emotion, the warmth of helping people for no return or personal gain, the radiance and happiness that brings.
I do not pity them. I do feel extra-ordinarily fortunate that I was born an empath.
I am a partial empath, though I find it strange that I didn't feel overly empathetic towards the sociopath I encountered. He looked like a puppet in God's stage. Isn't that weird? I saw him as being on a stage being controlled by darkness, and I find darkness to be rather stupid. This guy didn't look like he was really in control; he looked rather silly. Although I hope the best for him, I realized very quickly that there was an obvious personality disorder/challenge he had, and for some reason I adjusted real fast. Perhaps it was because I encountered men (though not as unusual as him) in my past, and he was just the cherry on the sundae of dysfunctional encounters. I was pretty prepared. He also got a thrill of trying to make me jealous when he got close to a woman, but I rolled my eyes and laughed. We are all puppets on God's stage, and God is taking pretty good care of me while I give empathy to the right people. Empathy is for those who are ready to receive it well, not for those who plan/premeditate to waste it.
DeleteThe socio will become green-eyed over what they cannot have, soul.
DeleteTo anon april 8, 12.28
ReplyDeleteuseful post, good conclusion.
The high functioning sociopaths are called "high functioning" when they haven't killed yet, injured yet or haven' t get caught yet. What about the transition rate from high to low? Which factors promote the transition from high to low? No thanks, better no contact. The charming sociopath I had known, did not do any bad things, but I felt the absolute coldness, a hidden misantropia, that was traumatizing, because of the awareness or feelingss, that this person could be an enemy of any kind. The hiding qualities of the socio I met were not too good, they get so much credit till one finally can identify the problem. You must know one closer to understand what sociopathy means. Normally you should only need one such experience.
High functioning refers to skill in mimicry and intellegence
DeleteWhat's the opinion here? Can a sociopath fake emotions or words or facial expressions and by doing so relentlessly, become at least slightly empathic? Just wondering the opinion about what I see -- a sociopath I know who is at least fake-trying to become unsociopathic and develop feelings, and modeling the ... mimicry of them more and more reliably. Frighteningly, all the people surrounding this person in their family and wife, and even kids developing these traits, are just as cold and unempathetic, so it may well just be how they learned to "love," is what I am guessing. Interesting...
ReplyDeleteI am young, and recently found out why I'm so messed up. Of course im not as intense as some, but one of the most frustrating things is the nothingness. I can't react to someone saying something because I have no reactions, only planned ones that I think suit a certain "look". Its honestly overwhelming, I have to think through of the impressions people made on me and make sure they didn't make any thoughts that are counterproductive. The only pure emotions that I have are ones of rage, and selfishness. Everything, every other opinion I have to think about again and again, I have to make sure the facts I learn are true, and I am somehow extremely gullible and untrusting at the same time.
ReplyDeleteOMG this is me to a T again. I love observing people and how they react. In fact, one of the things I love doing is when serious injuries happen on TV for sports. I like to see how the crowd reacts, the teammates, and everyone - so that I can emulate if needed one day. I go through the replay over and over again. When Kevin Ware was injured, I watched that probably 20 times. I don't even care about the injury that much either. I do this when big events ahppen, like if big TD happens. I like to see how teammates celebreate. Do they rush to the guy. How do they jump up and down and stuff.
ReplyDeleteI also pick up accents on accident even though I feel really stupid having one because I'm not actually from there. But I just accidentally pick it up.
Do you have to control the stare from occuring? I was married to a sociopath for 10 yrs and only saw it once but he never looked me directly in the eyes. Especially during sex. We accidently Locked eyes during his orgasm and that's when I saw the empty stare. He also like M.E. would not want me in the bedroom with him when he was extremely ill on several occasions.
DeleteHe told me he is not capable of loving me the way I want and he can try to show me love but cannot say it. Recently I told him I knew he was a sociopath and it didn't go well. He denied it. Then flipped it and has painted myself as one in court. Is there a way I can get him to show me the stare?
On the topic of the stare, probably not. It's a very personal aspect of a sociopath and it's most likely not something he wants to share with someone he loves. Any sort of vulnerability is something a sociopath won't want other people around, it's a core aspect of our nature. He doesn't want you to see the emptiness he feels because he knows it's not what you want and that you deserve more emotion and connection than he can give you. But he still loves you, even if he can't show it. In his own way he really does care, which is most likely why he doesn't want you to see the empty look, as our outsides often can't project what we think and feel, it's a lie of facial expression and not one he seems to want to project to you.
DeleteListen, I have developed a sociopathic philosophy living in the USA due to lunatic psychopaths and sociopolitical behaviors presented upon me by lower class inferiority complex and issues kinds of people. I have told them to remove their skankass and scumloser asses out of my life entirely for decades. They lie, cheat, steal, are overt, limited minded, pathetic, have two year old tantrums, try to behave so called 'badass' while they only are formed groups in society of powerless minded seekers for power as a tyrannical group of people due to lacking self power individually. That is a threatening lower species primitive primate. They only understand violence. And must be made aware that in a confrontation 1:1 they lack that power without their 'gang' mentalities. That's pathetic. They require extermination as people for their actions. They tend to be druggy boozy gambler mentalities. Manipulative. I can be manipulative to achieve whatever I want. I do not require a gang of stalkers like sociopath slanders, assaulters, destructers, predators, infuriators, conspirators, etc. I believe I have made it extremely loud and clear that I am refuse to be forced to take on someone else's personifications, ideologies, false labeling, wrongfulness, tyrannical group of limited minded people in any society. Rejection is difficult for the tyrannist to be falsely empowered against a more superior woman as myself. Beastlike behaviors in society require appropriate treatment by me. I enlisted the arrogance, ignorance and stupidity of others at times for my self empowerment against them. Even the drug peddler on the street who targeted probable DEA in a drug bust. He offered to fix my boat as a mechanic. I knew that he and his other predator buddies were swarming a crackhead as crackheads for drugs and money. I fired him and hired another mechanic and got my boat fixed. The marina refused to fix my boat themselves. I allowed that murder to occur and for police and political officials to appear pathetic due to police and political brutality. It was a direct statement of who I am, my self powers and my refusals to allow cruelty upon me in any manner in society as violations of humanity. If they are embarrassed as Lacker's, they should be by now. Who do they think they are as a malicious group of people forming against me! I granted them opportunities and small windows to prove otherwise and they failed. Their tails between their legs now by me is mandated.
ReplyDeleteIf they don't like that response by me, than do not become violent vicious neantherthalic uncivilized unevolved rhesus monkey behaviors who are incapable of comprehending the word, no.
DeleteThat smear upon their faces now is their own monkeyshit.
DeleteObviously its too late for the uncivilized beast.
DeleteHow's that for a direct demanded by you confrontation!
Deletethe uncivillized beast is yet to be tamed. The real predator resides in middle-upper class. remember that.
DeleteI believe you may be thinking of people forced into certain stereotypical survivalistic mindsets by desperation and socio-economic class. Most sociopaths a very lone-wolfish and really don't enjoy being part of a large 'pack'. We're fairly independent and tend to stay to ourselves most of the time.
DeleteI have noticed I mimic accents as well and I get the same feeling that they think I'm mocking them.I have even mimicked the way people sit or the motions they make. I had a karate teacher who assumed I was taught the same way she had been taught because of the way I greeted her (I mimicked the way she did it assuming that was expected)
ReplyDeleteEVERY. TIME. I've been caught off guard by so many of the little sociopathic tendencies I have (mimicking, listening to everything and anything, changing how i behave to fit various situations better) and the fact that apparently not everyone does them. Messes me up constanltly
DeleteThis was both hilarious and enlightening. I've been wondering whether I'm a sociopath or just young and impressionable with infatuated ideas of lack of empathy (which would tend to point towards narcissism) but your experience with the accents is exactly what I've done since I was a kid. Always people asking where I was from even though I hadn't yet moved from the city I was born in and often 'taking on' accents, which was particularly noticeable when talking to people from Asian backgrounds.
ReplyDeleteThis 'taking on accents' could also be an extreme empathic response. I went around the web just for this reason, to figure out why I (without knowing it) mimic accents. Again, these mirror neurons work both ways. Empathetically, you automatically do it because you bond with those persons. Psychopathically (as I've understood), you mimic because you want to fit in with those people.
DeleteSo true, I like to collect accents for later use. Depending on the situation I pull one out. I even learned sign language so I could fake being deaf
ReplyDeleteThey target you because they are jelous or have a use for you. It is all about control and domination. They need to knock you down so they look better. Just a bullying child basically. Show them how pathetic they are by completely ignoring them. They are insignificant to you. Then become highly successful in every area of your life. Basically make them jelous. By doing this you show them that they will not destroy you. They are powerless to destroy you. Go live a wonderful happy life without them.
ReplyDelete....... you had a really bad problem being bullied when you were younger and are now looking as to explanations as to why, gravitating to the simplest ones aren't you? We aren't elementary school bullies, and individuals around sociopaths and what they do don't really effect sociopaths that much at all, we're simply working towards a goal.
DeleteIt's really funny to see the empaths on this thread being generally aggressive, biased, hateful and close-minded; while the sociopaths are being generally logical, open minded, understanding and (shocking) honest. And yet the sociopaths are being seen as cruel and evil......
ReplyDeletePlease don't blame sociopath behavior on parents or upbringing. We have a daughter who we loved and cherished and raised her to care about other people and she was never abused. She is now is behaving like a sociopath...no empathy just for what she can get ..and is very smart witty manipulative. We are exhausted and deeply hurt from the horrible lies fraud and other things she has done including cutting us out of her life.She can look as if she if well put together and people buy into it.The grief and loss is awful as parents.There is not anything we can do because she is of age. She was not always like this she was not out to kill animals or hurt anyone as a child.But she could be manipulative. She was proud at being able to say she could manipulate me. She seemed to have a range of emotions as a child at least I thought so. I also had a lot of comments that she seemed so happy as a child. It seemed to develop in her late teens early twenties. She has completely given herself over to the entrepreneurship/startup culture which has not helped anything and a lot is just one scheme after another and she is drawn to the high drama of it all and wanting to make a billion dollars and doing whatever it takes to get there including using her body other people etc. with no conscience empathy morals or ethics.
ReplyDeleteGoodness. Reading through some of these comments is fascinating, particularly the other Anonymous above who said they too tend to be intrigued by these shifty characters and quite aware of the other life taking place behind the curtain, as it were.
ReplyDeleteI too have become very intrigued by all of this like a puzzle. I was with a man that I am utterly certain is a sociopath/possibly with some psychopathic tendencies, who is a walking talking textbook for PD. Charming, witty, seductive in company and outward appeal, but self destructive, drug addicted, chronically insecure but projecting a larger than life, cocky demeanour and highly flirtation character when in public.
The thing that gets me is that before meeting the man spent a few weeks laying out his litany of deceits and detours in life on the table in the interest of being noble and honest with me, like it was a big turning point and he didn't want to be a liar and a thief any longer.
We dated happily and vibrantly for four weeks. We had the best time every time. We would have such an adventure even just going out for drinks and would talk for hours and hours; quite often a date for us would be sitting in the same bar and four or five hours would pass when suddenly we would realise we were hungry or might need a chance a scene.. again.. the "opiate of his company" is a very relatable sentence.
He moved in with me on Christmas day and moved out roughly a week later. During his time living with me, his darker side started showing itself. He would make strange, mean comments or complaints about my home or myself and started a series of disappearing acts; for hours and hours. He wouldn't answer his phone and when he finally did there was always some excuse or he didn't hear etc etc, yet before we moved in, he was calling constantly and texting me all the time.. and always answered. In the week he moved in he went from the bright, affable, funny, light hearted chap to someone who seemed oft troubled or serious or a little bit faraway, deep in his head. He showed no willingness to clean the house or be a gentleman (like he had been prior)in terms of any interest of being flirtatious or romantic or caring. In the end he vanished. He told me he needed to focus on his recovery from heroin and that we needed to dial things back but that he loved me and we clicked so much and that it all felt so real. He was due to call me the next day to hang out and talk about things and pick up from where we had been before the move in, except he never called me again. Gone. And not a word since.
I can only believe that his ruse proved too much to continue when her realised I too was only human and not a fantasy, I too had my own anxieties and failings as a person, and that living together meant a responsibility he couldn't live up to.
I think mostly though that he realised being with someone meant projecting a reality he was fearful of never living up to. In any case, it was very upsetting to be cut out of someone's life when you only tried to love and help them by letting them move in and out of a desperately dodgy and I dare say living arrangement with junkies and addicts and break ins in his apartment. To be tossed aside like nothing and treated like a problem is immensely hurtful.
Sociopaths are frightening.
Just to let you know. Although it may not be your fault, sociopaths cause untold suffering and pain in the world. Sociopaths and psychopaths are exempt from feeling the pain of empathy, yet they benefit from other people's empathy, which makes them parasites. Narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths are fundamentally parasites.
ReplyDelete