Sunday, March 8, 2015

Existential crisis?

From a reader:

I've very recently finished reading your book I wanted to say that it was quite brave of you to write this book, as after reading I immediately searched for others like it but one simple search of the word "Sociopathy" in Amazon Books brings up a dominating majority of witch-hunt esqe guides to "spotting sociopaths" and how to avoid the 'morally insane' which shows that despite the possible 4% of.the human race being this way people are still very unaware and, in a lot of cases, ignorant to what Sociopathy is and so are fearful, like you discuss in your book. What would happen if this was well known information? Would the other 96% want sociopaths imprisoned or removed, see them as an enemy? A predator with the sole purpose to prey on the morally susceptible? 

I have been thinking in, somewhat an existential crisis, about who I really am, and through similar interests with a friend over psychological thrillers and 'psychopathic' characters she introduced to me the concept of a sociopath, and I'm not going to go into detail of all the times I have experienced the tell tale traits or coincidently mention events that line up with things you have experienced yourself to make me seem like a sociopath, because I know people in my everyday life that glorify the term "Sociopath", thinking of it as an interesting character quirk like being a hipster or alternative art enthusiast, when in fact it is, well, a 'disorder' of the soul. But the events and traits you describe are more than familiar, (some of which is down to how well it was written and how open you have been on terms of intimate thoughts and ideas of your own, being a diagnosed sociopath) and I'm 18 in the later important stages of education where my apathy and diversion for social norms and impulsivity (to name a few) are affecting my everyday life in obvious and negative ways. I have done the surveys (such as the Levenson self report psychopathy scale) and seen the trait lists, which do point to me being a sociopath, but I wondered if there is anyway of getting an anonymous professional diagnosis to be sure, because I doubt my local GP will have the understanding to both competently diagnose me and to keep it as a secret, Ideally it would be through the Internet, or even if you know of a test I can do that has a reliable conclusion to whether I am a sociopath?

Also I hope you continue your work on blog because you are one of, if not the main active author and sort of activist towards proper understanding of Sociopathy for everyone, along with helping sociopaths understand who they are, it really is important work and I for one am grateful.

M.E.: Here's an interesting thing my therapist shared with me recently. I'm not sure if I believe him because he is more of a fringe type of guy (in my mind at least). He said that personality disorders are all sort of the same basic thing, but that there are like several dozen different traits that often appear in the same constellation with other traits, and that's where the personality disorder diagnoses came from but that there just different manifestations of the same sort of basic personality issue. (SIDE NOTE -- DOES ANYONE KNOW IF THIS IS ACTUALLY TRUE?) So I'm starting to think more that way. Of course the diagnoses are useful, I think, because even though I might have the same fundamental personality issues (lack of or flexible sense of self, etc.) as a narcissist, we see the world in really different ways. But I am less hung up on whether I'm a sociopath or not and more interested in figuring out what degree of freedom I have in choosing who I want to be rather than relying on my genetic or environmental programming. Does that make you less inclined to seek confirmation? Because, actually honestly, I bet a lot of what you're diagnosed with will depend on the personal biases of your doctor, so I'm not sure if there's any certainty out there no matter what?

Reader:

Firstly thank you for replying, and yes that does make sense there will always be a large amount of uncertainty even with diagnosis as, especially with personality disorders, there isn't much understanding when it comes to the workings of the mind, and I don't really feel restricted by sociopathy, more the opposite due to the heightened self awareness and kind of viewing the world through a screen as if it were a film or game that is to be played. I think it was just more of an identity crisis in trying to find a confirmation, and I do agree that either way as long as I understand myself then that is enough. Yes I am perfectly happy with you using my email, and thanks again, without your work it would be a lot harder for a lot of people to understand themselves and for others to actually understand real sociopathy instead of the cliché TV psychopath,

I look forward to your future work,

Friday, March 6, 2015

Bisexuality and sociopathy

From a reader:

I've always been interested in what you've got to say. Long time reader and occasional commenter of your blog.

I recently mentioned your book in an interview I was involved in, regarding the correlation between bisexuality and sociopathy. I thought you might find it interesting.

https://violininavoid.wordpress.com/2015/03/04/interview-david-horscroft-on-bisexuality-psychopaths-and-violence/

Specifically:

"Why? Is this the bisexual version of the gay-lisp: an unfair stereotype that we’re all shifty, amoral psychopaths? I don’t think so. I actually think it’s the other way around: psychopaths strike me as far more likely to be bisexual. It makes sense for sociopathic characters to be bisexual: someone so inured to social convention and so aware of the power of seduction would be extremely likely to be bisexual, even if only for utilitarian means. As M.E. Thomas, the author of Confessions of a Sociopath puts it, it’s not so much bisexuality as it is gender indifference. The sociopath doesn’t see gender; rather, they see someone to manipulate and prey on."

If you've got the time, I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on the matter, including my opinions on the literary and historic links between bisexuals and general troublemakers.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Assisted suicide?

Several people notified me about the teenager from Massachussetts who was charged with murder for her role in urging a friend to kill himself.

Here's one link to the story. Fee free to share others that may have a different spin.

I've heard about the dangers of this happening (prosecution for encouraging suicide), but I think this is the first I have seen where the person being indicted wasn't an actual physical participant in the suicide, but rather just someone who facilitated it emotionally or psychologically without bullying, intimidation, or other possibly threatening or unlawful conduct.

This is an interesting case particularly because the victim apparently deleted all recent texts except those that the victim had with the girl? Why? To set her up?

And the oddest thing about this type of charge is that it all seems to boil down to whether she really felt badly for him and it was more like an assisted euthanasia (sympathy), or whether she just wanted to push him over the edge for self-gratification of a power trip or too garner attention and sympathy from others (pure evil)? Probably the thing that is scariest about this are the people who will feel with absolute assurance that they can look into her heart and find either evil or look into the prosecutor's heart and find overreaching or the parents' heart and find an over-willingness to spread the blame that should rightly land on them, etc., when who could know the heart of another, particularly a stranger.  I find these sorts of stories to be interesting litmus tests, not just to how people will come out, but what degree of moral surety they have in something that seems so clearly unknowable unless you were one of the principal players, and even then so easy to misunderstand or misapprehend.


Saturday, February 28, 2015

Raised by wolves

I think this was an interesting situation, if true, from a comment:

Can someone tell me why a psychopath/sociopath wants to be in a relationship?

I was addicted to one before I realised my entire family, except me, are sociopaths. I treated them as I would treat any person, assumed they had different characters to me, and that they had issues. I worked around it, expected nothing back and encouraged them for the good they did.

Research on websites tells me sociopaths seek relationships as a mask for what they are. But I never saw my family giving a shit what people thought. I thought they did it because they actually loved (or in the correct terminology, approved of and enjoyed immensely) the company of their companion. I thought that the marriage was pretty good because they seemed like best friends. Who enjoyed fighting and drama, but ultimately, needed each other.

I am super super empathic and always saw good in them and they did their best for me.
The guy I fell for, I read him in the way that I had learned to read the only people around me. I saw love. He of course moved on quickly but if I see him now I know I still am important to him and not in the way that he wants to hurt me. It's almost like he's accepted the differences between us but I don't know if I imagine it but there is a deep longing inside each of us to be able to play that role, he as my man and me as his woman. When I am with him, I feel that is the role I am destined to play. It's the only one I know how to play.

I cut off my family because of the abuse and feel such a deep depression without them. I can't stand normal people because I've been raised not to act like a dramatic idiot. I only know the sociopath way. I love so much about it. But they always fall short because they are narcissists. They miss information or are not willing to do tasks that would achieve what they want. 

I God dammit have all of the same traits. Maybe that's why I love this guy. I feel like nobody will ever be able to understand me like him. Nobody will want to have kids with me when they know I have the sociopath gene. I've been targeted by other colleagues and wanted to die. I don't want my kids doing that to someone.

I guess I need closure.. I felt like although he didn't attach to me in the traditional way, he changed his behaviours around me. Surely that is his way of saying he wants me to be near? 

Thursday, February 26, 2015

20 Rules for young sociopaths

A young self identifying sociopath wrote this list of rules for young sociopaths based on personal experience:

1.  Never be open about cheating for even the smallest of favors, like copying: Keep it occasional and involve as few people as possible. If other people want to cheat, put on a facial expression of slight disagreement (usually that means just look down, but keep head upright.) This is just based on other peoples reactions to me offering to cheat.

2.  Learn all the basic manners through books like Dale Carnegie's books. Also, basic manners too like washing hands in bathroom, not picking nose, saying bless you, saying thank you.

3.  Never disagree with anyone unless it is necessary. In fact, adopt those values. BUT DO NOT DO IT IMMEDIATELY AFTER THEY DISCLOSE IT. It is much more impressive and much less suspicious if you wait to show them with your actions that you have adopted their values. Patience is key.

4.  When trying to seduce someone in opening stage, always have a REASON to talk to them. Then, get them to do a favor for you. While they do that favor for you, start asking them questions about themselves that lead to conversation.

5. Always expose yourself to other well-adjusted sociopaths to learn from them (I am very good at profiling people's personalities: includes identifying sociopaths). What I've been doing is just doing my best to befriend them, and watch how they interact with their friends. No better way than to learn from the master.

6. If possible, seek help from sociopathic relative. There has to be one if you're a sociopath. It's my dad in this case. Of course, remain discreet. My dad always knew i was a sociopath and I hinted to him that i was self-aware. so he gave me some pointers.

7. Watch your tone of voice: Keep it soft. I learned that from reading Devil in the White City (the sociopath was described as having a very soft voice that appealed to people).

8. When smiling, mirror them. Smile when they do. The exception is greeting people. The smile should not be a big cheeky one unless they have one on their face too. I happen to be able to consciously control most muscles on my face that most people can't (I can make a Duchenne smile, raise the inner corners of my eyebrows without moving my entire eyebrow to indicate the universal expression of sadness, etc.) Sorry, I digress.

9. Never brag like I did in this post many times earlier (feel free to remove those parts. I'm too lazy to delete and too eager to impress). If complimented, which happens occasionally, show no reaction, especially embarrassment. When i see people respond with embarrassment to my compliments, I see them as weak.

10. When other people wrong you, don't react with criticism. They will see you as a good, tolerant person. Don't tell them it's okay either, that encourages the behavior. Just nod or show no reaction. Move the conversation forward-most people will feel guilty on their own. Criticism just makes them defensive and they rationalize instead. Act forgiving, but do not vocalize it. Do this by just ignoring the transgression completely. This will intrigue them even more.

11. Learn to fake empathy. To do that, realize what empathy is and what it is not. I used to have trouble making people feel better because i was sympathizing with them. I don't know what it feels like, but apparently just telling them somehow that you feel their pain is enough.

12. When approaching someone you don't already know, approaching from the side and come prepared with an opener question, usually related to the situation. And whatever they say they are doing, say you are doing the exact same thing (doesn't work in some cases, duh). This kind of creates an initial bond, which is just small enough to launch more personal questions.

13. Keep observing people's reactions to things and adjust accordingly. Some reactions are almost universal, so should become a part of your repertoire. 

14. When someone makes a joke, just laugh. Don't come up with another joke that springs off theirs if u don't genuinely find their joke funny.

15. Never, ever stare too long a people's faces. Learned this one the hard way. Occasionally, look up to gauge their reactions if u see through your peripheral vision that their expression has changed. I usually can see out of the sides of my eyes that their expression has changed, but I can't see how it has changed.

16. Always practice a new expression you are learning to fake in front of a mirror. I spent a few hours practicing my smile and timing it correctly after I failed the first time. The timing and depth of the expression must be appropriate. If you sense awkwardness, its your fault. 

17. I observed at first that people who laughed were more charismatic, so I started doing it a lot too. However, i got a lot of weird looks. Always wait from them to laugh first and then mirror them. Otherwise, risk laughing inappropriately. Once in class movie, a boy got shot in the knee and i started laughing because the boy did stupid things to deserve it. Apparently, no one else found it funny. 

18. Some young sociopaths have a tendency to be too nice, so they come off as obsequious. Don't keep offering to help them. It needs to be strategic and meaningful to them. So wait for them to ask you or if you observe cues in their body language that might signal their needs. Wait until they are down and help them up, but always pretend to empathize with them first.

19. Learn strategic complimenting. Young sociopaths are way too flattering. When you gather intel about someone and you observe that they have a trait they are proud of, don't compliment too much on it immediately. Just ask questions to seem interest and also act interested. However, later through your interactions, solicit advice related to their particular strength or just casually mix the compliment in with something else

20. Eliminate all "awkward sounds" from your repertoire. These are sounds coming out of your mouth that serve no purpose in communicating your ideas and make you look like an unsocialized person (and therefore not charming). This takes some work to do. Silence is preferable.
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