Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Mask of Sanity: Homosexuality and Sex

I realized that I referenced this Hervey Cleckley Mask of Sanity story in the book, but never posted it here. It's hilarious, one of my favorite, particularly because of the old-timey narration. I'm sure many will recognize some of their tendencies here:

In psychopaths and in many other people who cannot be correctly placed with the well-defined homosexual group, there are varying degrees of susceptibility or inclination to immature or deviated sex practices. In contrast with others, the psychopath requires impulses of scarcely more than whimlike intensity to bring about unacceptable behavior in the sexual field or in any other. Even the faintest or most fleeting notion or inclination to forge a check, to steal his uncle's watch, to see if he can seduce his best friend's wife, or to have a little fling at fellatio, is by no means unlikely to emerge as the deed. The sort of repugnance or other inhibiting force that would prevent any or all such impulses from being followed (or perhaps from even becoming conscious impulses) in another person is not a factor that can be counted on to play much part in the psychopath's decisions

The activities of a typical patient of this sort whom I once studied are highly illustrative. This 27-year-old man, honor graduate of a college despite great irregularity in his studies, had for a number of years followed a career so similar to those of the other patients cited that there is no point in going into detail. He showed no indications of ordinary homosexuality in manner, dress, physique, or in personality features. He had been rather active in heterosexual relations since about fifteen, his partners being professionals, girls of respectable family, and married women.

All of these relations had apparently been to him more or less equivalent and entirely without personal significance. He admitted having once or twice, and more or less experimentally, submitted to the wishes of a homosexual and also to a couple of blundering ventures into deviated activity while drinking with others apparently more like himself. These did not seem to give him any particular satisfaction, and there is reason to believe that he distinctly preferred what he did with women. To the patient, any idea that he might be a homosexual seemed absurd

In the absence of any persistent or powerful urge in this specific direction, the patient, apparently without much previous thought, hit upon the notion of picking up four Negro men who worked in the fields not far from his residence. In a locality where the Ku Klux Klan (and its well-known attitudes) at the time enjoyed a good deal of popularity, this intelligent and in some respects distinguished young man showed no compunction about taking from the field these unwashed laborers, whom he concealed in the back of a pickup truck, with him into a well-known place of amorous rendezvous. At the place he chose, "tourists' cabins" were discreetly set up in such a way that women brought by men to them for familiar purposes could enter without the possible embarrassment of being identified by the management. Despite these facilities suspicion arose, and the patient was surprised by the man in charge of the resort while in the process of carrying out fellatio on his four companions. He had chosen to take the oral role

When seen not long after this event, the young man was courteous but a trifle impatient about how long he might have to be hospitalized. He showed some concern with what use psychiatric examination might be in helping him avoid the term of imprisonment that would, according to the law, befall him if he should be convicted of the charges made by the proprietor and which he did not deny. This possibility did not, however, greatly alarm him

He had often evaded penalties for antisocial acts in the past, and he had a good deal of easy confidence. Although he expressed regret and said his prank was quite a mistake, he seemed totally devoid of deep embarrassment. On the whole, his attitude might be suggested by such phrases as "Well, boys will be boys," or "Now wasn't that a foolish damn thing for me to do." These were not his literal words, but they are congruent with his behavior. By some legal step, his family, whose members were wealthy and influential, succeeded in having him avoid trial. Finding himself free, he left against medical advice within a few days

As might be expected, in view of their incapacity for object love, the sexual aims of psychopaths do not seem to include any important personality relations or any recognizable desire or ability to explore or possess or significantly ravish the partner in a shared experience. Their positive activities are consistently and parsimoniously limited to literal physical contact and relatively free of the enormous emotional concomitants and the complex potentialities that make adult love relations an experience so thrilling and indescribable. Consequently they seem to regard sexual activity very casually, sometimes apparently finding it less shocking and enthralling than a sensitive normal man would find even the glance of his beloved. 

None of the psychopaths personally observed have impressed me as having particularly strong sex cravings even in this uncomplicated and poverty stricken sense. Indeed, they have nearly all seemed definitely less moved to obtain genital pleasure than the ordinary run of people. The impression one gets is that their amativeness is little more than a simple itch and that even the itch is seldom, if ever, particularly intense.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Along came Polly

More stories of Polly from our ADHD friend (there remind me of the Hervey Cleckley tales):

I have a million stories about that girl though.

I remember one time, my first year of college, we met this guy at the gym. I don't remember his name. We didn't even remember his name that night, just that he was a frat boy and he was a senior and he was cute and he liked us, particularly her but he was a flirt. She claimed him pretty immediately afterward, and that was fine. But one day he called her and said he wanted to see us, all three of us (he wanted Alex and me to come downstairs with her) so we did. He was obviously drunk, but he asked us to get in the car, and she just GOT IN. Even though he OBVIOUSLY had no business driving anywhere. Alex and I didn't want to get in, but Polly talked us into it somehow, I don't remember what she said, but we got in. As soon as we were in the car, he locked the doors. All three of us thought that was pretty creepy, so we asked him to let us out. He said no. We unlocked the doors. He locked them again and took off. 

He was doing at least 40, 50 mph down these little neighborhood streets, and we couldn't get out. He took us back to his house and finally let us out. He told his friends who were there that he'd brought us "for them." We told him, more or less, to fuck off and that we were going home. All three of us started to leave, but then he offered us beer, and Polly decided it was worth staying for a beer. A man forcibly drove away with us in his car, and all it took was a beer to convince her to stay. Then we asked he to leave and she said no, that she could handle it (she couldn't handle it, she was 120 lbs soaking wet and there were three large men in the house, but she was pretty sure she could handle it.) We went in because we were pretty sure she couldn't really handle it. Then they made us watch Robin Williams Live at the Met. it was a really surreal experience. I honestly expected something horrible to happen in that house, but no, we watched Robin Williams. They offered us Doritos and beer and made us watch Robin Williams (and yes it was MADE. One of us, I forget who, suggested we watch something else and they freaked out. One of the guys threw the remote across the room and they started screaming at us to sit down and watch the TV). 

Polly gave the guy a hand job while we were sitting on the couch, the guy and the three of us girls. Then we insisted we go home. The guy said he'd drive us, but only if Polly stayed behind. She tried to FIGHT him. He was this big guy and she punched him and bit him. He pulled her down a flight of stairs by her hair, put her in the car, and said he'd changed his mind. She KEPT trying to fight him from inside the car! She was pretty drunk at that point, granted. She'd only had one beer, but she was the biggest lightweight I've ever met in my life. During the course of our time in school we watched her get blackout drunk, pass out, from like three or four. But still, she was fairly certain, after one beer, that she could fight off three large men. She was comfortable enough to drink their beer, even though it was fairly clear that none of us had any control over the situation. We were locked in their house and it was their beer and they were bringing it out in glasses, not cans or bottles, so there's no way of knowing what they'd done to it. I did not expect to live through that night but when we got home, she was just like "Well that was sorta freaky, huh? Never seen anybody get so worked up about Robin Williams." I don't tell my parents very many of the stories about things that happened when I was with her. My dad REALLY likes her though. He says she's nice and funny.

Friday, February 20, 2015

ADHD and neurodiversity

From a reader on her ADHD and friendship with a sociopath:

I wanted to let you know that I read your book a couple of months ago, and I wanted to email you for a couple of reasons.

First of all, I wanted to thank you. I'm definitely an empath, but I'm not really neurotypical either. I've had four or five doctors so far tell me that I have the worst ADHD they've ever seen, but I wasn't diagnosed until I was 21 because I was really, really good at compensating and hiding. I used to feel a lot of shame about a lot of that compensating though, like I should function like everybody else. After reading your book though, I think my view on that has changed a lot. I think that neuro-diversity is important, and I care a lot less now what other people think about it or about the way I function. I do just fine for myself, and I like my life and it doesn't matter if other people do or not, and thinking about things that way really started after I'd read your book. There also were a few parts of what you discussed that I really could relate to, like not having a long-term life plan. I have never had a long-term life plan, and I think that has always frightened my family a little, but you seem to have done fine without one, so I think that I probably will too.

The other thing is that even though I could relate to a couple of the things you discussed personally, I saw a lot more of them in a friend of mine. We've grown apart recently (nothing happened, just life) but we used to be close. I met Polly my first day of college. She literally just knocked on the door of my dorm room, said "Ferris Bueller is on, but my roommate has the remote and won't give it up," walked in without being invited, sat on the floor, grabbed the remote, and watched Ferris Bueller. She never left. She really didn't. She'd leave to go to class or to get food but she started more or less living in my dorm room.

I'm trying to remember some of the things from your book that really reminded me of her, but like I said, it's been a couple of months (that would be the ADHD. I was very excited about emailing you, then before I did so I was very excited about doing something else and forgot). I know you mentioned sexuality as being a big thing. Polly identified herself as heterosexual, but all of her friends called her "the noodle" because she was "straight until you got her wet." I think she preferred men, but I know that Alex (my actual roommate) and I both woke up several times to her sticking her hands up our shirts or down our pants. She said she was curious. She also used to walk through large crowds and see how many boobs and penises she could grab without people saying or doing anything, acting like it was an accident or slipping away into the crowd. She would always then report the number to me VERY proudly. I remember once she insisted that she had to see my breasts. She kind of cornered me and put me on the spot about it, and being every bit as impulsive as she is, I showed her. She was angry because they were bigger than hers, even though that was blatantly obvious when we were wearing clothes. She didn't like that I had something that was better than hers.

She did love me in her own way, but it was never the way that other friends connected with me. She was perfectly happy to take advantage of me in any way she could, but she was protective of me when it came to other people doing the same. Basically, she always wanted me to be the second prettiest, smartest, most charming girl in the room, and she would do absolutely anything to put me there: to make sure that i was the best i could be as long as that didn't mean i outshone her. She could be really sweet. For example, there was a program I really wanted to get into in school. It was fairly exclusive and only about 5% of students who applied got in. Polly and I had completely different majors, so in this case there was no competition between us. My doing well wouldn't hurt her at all. I made it to the final interview but after that interview I was cut. She was furious. She was almost more upset about it than I was. She kept telling me that I was obviously the best candidate and that it was completely wrong for them to not accept me. She didn't have any problem with hurting me herself though, if it benefited her. Alex and I both lost friends that Polly didn't know at about the same time, and we bonded over the experience. We were going through the same thing. Polly didn't understand at all. She was completely unable to relate, even though I know she's had people she cared about die too. Alex and I started spending more time together and less time with Polly. In response, Polly manipulated both of us. She told us really subtle little lies about each other, then played off of the anxiety she created and tried to make us mistrust each other. It very nearly destroyed my friendship with Alex. We hardly talked for almost a year, and we both started spending more time with Polly, because both of us thought she was on our side.

When we finally figured it out, I wasn't surprised. Polly is a lot of fun. She's impulsive and sometimes silly and funny, and she always, always can think of something to do. She can be a really good friend, too. She's not particularly trustworthy though, and she can always, ALWAYS be counted on to put herself first. If Polly is a sociopath, or even has some sociopathic tendencies, it wouldn't change how I feel about her. I love her for who she is. It would explain a lot of the really, really weird things that have gone on, though, so I thought I'd get your opinion. Thanks for your time.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Schizophrenia and sociopathy

From a reader:

I've been reading your blog for about 7 or 8 months now, and I've found it quite interesting reading the posts from fellow readers who have reached out to you to describe their lives and the unusual way they look at the world, often wondering and asking if they are sociopaths themselves. 
I've been reading your book and blog and have commented on a few blog entries myself, and I thought it would be interesting to gain your perspective on my current state. 

I'm a 23 year old female currently an undergraduate at university studying psychology. I'm not a sociopath, and I don't believe there is any chance I am one. I've been speaking to doctors, mental health assessment teams and a clinical psychologist for the last couple of months, and while I haven't yet received a clear diagnoses, my condition seems to lean towards some form of schizophrenia, possibly the paranoid or disorganized sub-type, or a combination of them. 
I write because I've been thinking a lot about what may be called "Abnormal Psychology", and I've been considering some of the similarities and differences between sociopathy and my own mental state (I'll refer to it as schizophrenia for simple convenience).  

You recently posted a blog entry from an interesting young woman who was wondering if she was a sociopath, and I commented on the post explaining that I could relate to some of her feelings of violence and murder. Like many sociopaths, I don't feel any guilt, empathy or remorse with the idea of killing another human being that deserves it, and I've been experiencing frequent strong impulses to murder certain individuals (ex-friends) who have made life more inconvenient for me by spreading around a lot of negative stigma, insults and rumours concerning my mental state and odd behaviour. The only thing that has stopped me from carrying out my plans of killing these persecutors is the threat of legal consequences and the cost to my freedom that a prison sentence would entail. The doctors I have spoken to seemed a little worried that empathy and guilt wasn't playing any role in deterring my violent impulses, only a practical argument was stopping me. 
One of your readers replied to my comment explaining that this risk vs reward reasoning was characteristic of many higher functioning sociopaths, which is probably one of the things that inspired my thoughts about sociopathy and my own possible schizophrenia. 
Empathy and understanding others in generally something I have a lot of trouble with, although I'm very fond of animals. 

I've had a fairly good fufilling childhood, with no neglect or abuse of any kind. My mental health issues only began to surface severely when I was round the age of 16, although I think I was always a bit odd and different throughout my life in ways I still can't explain. 
Unlike many sociopaths, I have suffered in the past from many depressive episodes and I currently suffer from a great deal of paranoia, anxiety and fear of other people, which I guess is where my condition differs from sociopathy a fair bit. I have had many thoughts of suicide, but the thought of hurting my family with my own death does not occur to me or really bother me. The reason I haven't killed myself is a functional one (like the ones holding me back from killing), I don't believe in an afterlife, so if I was dead I wouldn't be able to do things that I enjoy anymore, like going for enjoyable walks or eating nice food. That's all. 

Some other readers and commenters have mentioned things like fluid sexuality or gender identity with regards to sociopathy. Like them, gender often feels like a meaningless concept to me. People appear to me as if they walking around in "people suits" of flesh and skin and muscle, and it's only the person underneath the skin that has any real bearing. So therefore I guess I could be considered bisexual as Male and Female doesn't make much of a difference to me. People are either aesthetically pleasing, or they are not. 
I've had friends in the past, but they never last too long and I've became very anti-social at this point. Sexuality doesn't play an important role for me, and I've never had any romantic or sexual interactions with anyone in my life, nor do I have any deep desire or intention to do so. I still find some men and women physically attractive, hence the bisexuality instead of asexuality. 

I feel very detached from the people around me when I'm in public. I often feel detached from my own skin and body too. If I'm not feeling the effects of anxiety or paranoia, I can simply observe these masses of flesh and bone move around me and interact with each other as if I am watching a TV show. Some sociopaths seem to mention this kind of thing too, as it lets them observe things like power, influence and seduction from an objective viewpoint. I also view things objectively, but unlike sociopaths my understanding of human interactions is pretty poor. I find it very difficult to correctly pick up on social cues and facial expressions, so it's like I'm looking at a confusing puzzle with no answer when I observe people. Simply put, I struggle to understand people. 

Finally, you and others have commented on the sociopaths ability to blend into a crowd and copy the behaviours and customs of empaths in a very convincing way. I found this to be one of the most interesting aspects of your book (and sociopathy in general) becuase it's where the greatest difference lies between me and sociopaths. I can't blend in anywhere. As soon as I enter a room or a group conversation, everyone can immediately tell that I'm not normal. I stick out in ways I can't seem to fix. My mannerisms and social interactions seem off and unsettle people. Apparently I stare too much or too little, or the things I say in conversation are perceived as odd. I have no ability to charm others as sociopaths do. While sociopaths can be like a wolf in sheep's clothing hidden in the herd, I stand out immediately like a deformed goat with leprosy. There's nothing wrong with my appearance. I'm quite feminine and I believe I'm fairly or moderately attractive with regards to body shape and facial structure. I think it's all behaviour, mannerisms and social cues that give me away. 

Anyway I've rambled incoherently for far too long. I'll just finish by saying that I'm interested in the similarities and differences between mental conditions like schizophrenia and sociopathy and how it makes individuals feel like outsiders in a world they have to try and fit into, like playing a role for the sake of social convention. It's a hard topic to wrap my head around since schizophrenia can take many different shapes and forms, and sociopathy doesn't seem to be very well understood by most. 
I don't particularly expect a reply, but it was nice to try and put these thoughts down on paper, and if you do happen to have any thoughts on the subject, I'd love to hear it. 

Sorry for the essay and thank you for everything, 

Monday, February 16, 2015

Tips for dealing with someone with a personality disorder

For those that missed it, I liked this comment on the last post about how to interrelate with someone with a personality disorder:

Let's start a list of recommendations for dealing with a PD.

1. Call them on their shit. The more they get away with, the more they will try. 
Give them an inch, they will try to take 3 miles. Then bitch that you never give them an inch...
Firm boundaries are your friend.

2. Don't be a pussy. 
No passive aggression. It's annoying. They are not mind readers and being passive aggressive will only make them see you as a weak bitch. Especially if you are a man. 
I don't think it's possible to respect a man who acts like a weak bitch.

3. Be honest. 
Don't try to outplay them. They will most likely see through it. Then they will make you cry for it later.

4. Make yourself valuable to them. 
If you are valuable, they are much more likely to behave better towards you.

I'm going to try to elaborate on and provide synonyms for each of these in turn, at least as they would apply to more my end of the spectrum.

1. Have firm boundaries. People with personality disorders don't have their own personal boundaries (yes, it actually is possible to influence them in ways that you wouldn't be able to influence others or get them to do crazy stuff because they don't have the same sense of off-limits that everyone else seems to have) or great sense of other people's boundaries. If the PD person wants to maintain a relationship with you for any reason, best thing you can do to help them out is give them firm boundaries and reinforce them as necessary on the small stuff instead of letting it get to the big stuff and then flipping out on them.

2. Use direct, not implied communication. This is probably a good rule for all healthy relationships -- rather than forcing someone to dig out your true meaning from context clues, just own your expectations and tell them straight up what it is that you want/need from them. Sociopaths seem to be especially clueless as to discerning some of these "say one thing mean another" types of communication because they rely on a shared sense of expectations in order to be able to discern that the expected did not happen as it should have -- e.g. not calling within 24-48 hours of seeing each other is fine? Or reprehensible? Not clear. A sociopath may not even be able to pick up on even basic passive aggressive tactics like the silent treatment. I often have assumed that people are just preoccupied with other pursuits.

3. Don't do anything with them that you would normally consider reprehensible behavior in yourself but somehow justify it because it's towards or because of them. The sociopath *will* often use it against you. The sociopath is not even necessarily being a hypocrite. It's not even as if he is fine with lying if it's him but now fine with lying if it's you. Rather, if you feel even ambiguously badly about something that you've done, anything remotely approximating guilt or even just consider the behavior something you'd rather not have the entire world know, the sociopath will be able to turn that knife back on you. You've seen that on television shows? Where the scared office drone gets a gun and has it used against him by the very attackers that it was meant to protect against? If you aren't completely comfortable with all of the ins and outs and implications of the weapon you're using, don't, because someone else does.

4. Don't expect emotional ties to bind the PD sufferer to you the same way that normal people are. Everyone is influenced by cost benefit equations. PDs just seem more so, perhaps, because that's one of the few things they are reliably influenced by, when you take out the emotional ties.
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