Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Schizophrenia and sociopathy

From a reader:

I've been reading your blog for about 7 or 8 months now, and I've found it quite interesting reading the posts from fellow readers who have reached out to you to describe their lives and the unusual way they look at the world, often wondering and asking if they are sociopaths themselves. 
I've been reading your book and blog and have commented on a few blog entries myself, and I thought it would be interesting to gain your perspective on my current state. 

I'm a 23 year old female currently an undergraduate at university studying psychology. I'm not a sociopath, and I don't believe there is any chance I am one. I've been speaking to doctors, mental health assessment teams and a clinical psychologist for the last couple of months, and while I haven't yet received a clear diagnoses, my condition seems to lean towards some form of schizophrenia, possibly the paranoid or disorganized sub-type, or a combination of them. 
I write because I've been thinking a lot about what may be called "Abnormal Psychology", and I've been considering some of the similarities and differences between sociopathy and my own mental state (I'll refer to it as schizophrenia for simple convenience).  

You recently posted a blog entry from an interesting young woman who was wondering if she was a sociopath, and I commented on the post explaining that I could relate to some of her feelings of violence and murder. Like many sociopaths, I don't feel any guilt, empathy or remorse with the idea of killing another human being that deserves it, and I've been experiencing frequent strong impulses to murder certain individuals (ex-friends) who have made life more inconvenient for me by spreading around a lot of negative stigma, insults and rumours concerning my mental state and odd behaviour. The only thing that has stopped me from carrying out my plans of killing these persecutors is the threat of legal consequences and the cost to my freedom that a prison sentence would entail. The doctors I have spoken to seemed a little worried that empathy and guilt wasn't playing any role in deterring my violent impulses, only a practical argument was stopping me. 
One of your readers replied to my comment explaining that this risk vs reward reasoning was characteristic of many higher functioning sociopaths, which is probably one of the things that inspired my thoughts about sociopathy and my own possible schizophrenia. 
Empathy and understanding others in generally something I have a lot of trouble with, although I'm very fond of animals. 

I've had a fairly good fufilling childhood, with no neglect or abuse of any kind. My mental health issues only began to surface severely when I was round the age of 16, although I think I was always a bit odd and different throughout my life in ways I still can't explain. 
Unlike many sociopaths, I have suffered in the past from many depressive episodes and I currently suffer from a great deal of paranoia, anxiety and fear of other people, which I guess is where my condition differs from sociopathy a fair bit. I have had many thoughts of suicide, but the thought of hurting my family with my own death does not occur to me or really bother me. The reason I haven't killed myself is a functional one (like the ones holding me back from killing), I don't believe in an afterlife, so if I was dead I wouldn't be able to do things that I enjoy anymore, like going for enjoyable walks or eating nice food. That's all. 

Some other readers and commenters have mentioned things like fluid sexuality or gender identity with regards to sociopathy. Like them, gender often feels like a meaningless concept to me. People appear to me as if they walking around in "people suits" of flesh and skin and muscle, and it's only the person underneath the skin that has any real bearing. So therefore I guess I could be considered bisexual as Male and Female doesn't make much of a difference to me. People are either aesthetically pleasing, or they are not. 
I've had friends in the past, but they never last too long and I've became very anti-social at this point. Sexuality doesn't play an important role for me, and I've never had any romantic or sexual interactions with anyone in my life, nor do I have any deep desire or intention to do so. I still find some men and women physically attractive, hence the bisexuality instead of asexuality. 

I feel very detached from the people around me when I'm in public. I often feel detached from my own skin and body too. If I'm not feeling the effects of anxiety or paranoia, I can simply observe these masses of flesh and bone move around me and interact with each other as if I am watching a TV show. Some sociopaths seem to mention this kind of thing too, as it lets them observe things like power, influence and seduction from an objective viewpoint. I also view things objectively, but unlike sociopaths my understanding of human interactions is pretty poor. I find it very difficult to correctly pick up on social cues and facial expressions, so it's like I'm looking at a confusing puzzle with no answer when I observe people. Simply put, I struggle to understand people. 

Finally, you and others have commented on the sociopaths ability to blend into a crowd and copy the behaviours and customs of empaths in a very convincing way. I found this to be one of the most interesting aspects of your book (and sociopathy in general) becuase it's where the greatest difference lies between me and sociopaths. I can't blend in anywhere. As soon as I enter a room or a group conversation, everyone can immediately tell that I'm not normal. I stick out in ways I can't seem to fix. My mannerisms and social interactions seem off and unsettle people. Apparently I stare too much or too little, or the things I say in conversation are perceived as odd. I have no ability to charm others as sociopaths do. While sociopaths can be like a wolf in sheep's clothing hidden in the herd, I stand out immediately like a deformed goat with leprosy. There's nothing wrong with my appearance. I'm quite feminine and I believe I'm fairly or moderately attractive with regards to body shape and facial structure. I think it's all behaviour, mannerisms and social cues that give me away. 

Anyway I've rambled incoherently for far too long. I'll just finish by saying that I'm interested in the similarities and differences between mental conditions like schizophrenia and sociopathy and how it makes individuals feel like outsiders in a world they have to try and fit into, like playing a role for the sake of social convention. It's a hard topic to wrap my head around since schizophrenia can take many different shapes and forms, and sociopathy doesn't seem to be very well understood by most. 
I don't particularly expect a reply, but it was nice to try and put these thoughts down on paper, and if you do happen to have any thoughts on the subject, I'd love to hear it. 

Sorry for the essay and thank you for everything, 

Monday, February 16, 2015

Tips for dealing with someone with a personality disorder

For those that missed it, I liked this comment on the last post about how to interrelate with someone with a personality disorder:

Let's start a list of recommendations for dealing with a PD.

1. Call them on their shit. The more they get away with, the more they will try. 
Give them an inch, they will try to take 3 miles. Then bitch that you never give them an inch...
Firm boundaries are your friend.

2. Don't be a pussy. 
No passive aggression. It's annoying. They are not mind readers and being passive aggressive will only make them see you as a weak bitch. Especially if you are a man. 
I don't think it's possible to respect a man who acts like a weak bitch.

3. Be honest. 
Don't try to outplay them. They will most likely see through it. Then they will make you cry for it later.

4. Make yourself valuable to them. 
If you are valuable, they are much more likely to behave better towards you.

I'm going to try to elaborate on and provide synonyms for each of these in turn, at least as they would apply to more my end of the spectrum.

1. Have firm boundaries. People with personality disorders don't have their own personal boundaries (yes, it actually is possible to influence them in ways that you wouldn't be able to influence others or get them to do crazy stuff because they don't have the same sense of off-limits that everyone else seems to have) or great sense of other people's boundaries. If the PD person wants to maintain a relationship with you for any reason, best thing you can do to help them out is give them firm boundaries and reinforce them as necessary on the small stuff instead of letting it get to the big stuff and then flipping out on them.

2. Use direct, not implied communication. This is probably a good rule for all healthy relationships -- rather than forcing someone to dig out your true meaning from context clues, just own your expectations and tell them straight up what it is that you want/need from them. Sociopaths seem to be especially clueless as to discerning some of these "say one thing mean another" types of communication because they rely on a shared sense of expectations in order to be able to discern that the expected did not happen as it should have -- e.g. not calling within 24-48 hours of seeing each other is fine? Or reprehensible? Not clear. A sociopath may not even be able to pick up on even basic passive aggressive tactics like the silent treatment. I often have assumed that people are just preoccupied with other pursuits.

3. Don't do anything with them that you would normally consider reprehensible behavior in yourself but somehow justify it because it's towards or because of them. The sociopath *will* often use it against you. The sociopath is not even necessarily being a hypocrite. It's not even as if he is fine with lying if it's him but now fine with lying if it's you. Rather, if you feel even ambiguously badly about something that you've done, anything remotely approximating guilt or even just consider the behavior something you'd rather not have the entire world know, the sociopath will be able to turn that knife back on you. You've seen that on television shows? Where the scared office drone gets a gun and has it used against him by the very attackers that it was meant to protect against? If you aren't completely comfortable with all of the ins and outs and implications of the weapon you're using, don't, because someone else does.

4. Don't expect emotional ties to bind the PD sufferer to you the same way that normal people are. Everyone is influenced by cost benefit equations. PDs just seem more so, perhaps, because that's one of the few things they are reliably influenced by, when you take out the emotional ties.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Staying with a socio

This was an interesting blog post tweeted to me about why someone might stick with a sociopath even when no one else can understand it. I can understand that, but should people feel obligated to stick with a sociopath?

I have no choice but to deduce his behavior to his environment, both past and present. Has he really been able to change his destructive behavior and simply chosen not to? It's no more of a choice for him to remain sociopathic than it is for me to remain compelled. We are what remains. Are we to just walk away from one another because of our flaws? I am a little crazy. I sure am glad no one's really walked away from me for that. My father walked away from my crazy mother and it cost her her life. Why does all the literature to date advise a no contact declaration in terms of sociopathic personality disorder, when perhaps those of us who love them, our parents, our children, our friends, our partners should rather be advised of the proper tools in handling a loved one with a specific medical condition.


Thursday, February 12, 2015

Strict upbringing

From a reader:

I just finished reading your book. I picked it up at the bookstore with the general interest in understanding different aspects of the mind and mental illness. While I greatly enjoyed the book, I was also able to put pieces of my own life together that I found absolutely astounding. Before reading it I never would have even began to label myself as a possible sociopath. I know this isn't necessarily something that you want to come to the conclusion of but I feel like you summed up my life in a chaotic nutshell. I am 21 years old and I have always known that there was something different about me. I have always been an incredibly independent person ever since I was a little girl. My mom had me quite young and my dad was never in the picture but I would say that I grew up in a supportive household. Still to this day. I have memories of 5 year old me stealing newspapers from my neighbors doorsteps each morning and tormenting the neighborhood kids. Going around during the holidays and taking people's Christmas decorations and stabbing their giant blowup inflatables... I know this is childish banter but I did manage to rein in that sort of crazy side as I got older. I was always incredibly self sufficient and like you said, even when I was caught I didn't feel bad, it just made life a little more of a challenge for me. I think that the love from my family is what kept me from really going down a darker path. I was taught what was right and wrong in societies eyes and I knew what I had to do to stay in good graces.

      As far as my family goes, I care for them but it always seemed odd for me to use a word such as love to explain my connection with them. Not that they don't mean a lot to me, the word love just doesn't seem like the right word to describe it. I have always felt that way about any sort of emotion though. I know when someone dies or something horrific happens to someone you know you're supposed to feel a certain sort of sadness. I have never reacted any particular way to any situation. I've been to a few funerals and have never felt the overwhelming need to be burdened by salty tears or negative emotions. I feel about death, tragedy, disease, murder, and rape the same way a person would feel about killing a fly with a swatter. I always felt that it was strange that I could stand in a room full of crying people and feel nothing. Like I was watching a bad sitcom on the outside of the television. I do know how to behave though because of the way I was raised. I tell the person who's experiencing the negativity that I'm so sorry blah blah blah. It's really just to ease the other person and make me not look like an insensitive asshole. Ultimately, situations like those just make me very uncomfortable and I retreat as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

      I have the ability to be extremely social. I grew up in the [American southeast] and kind of grew out of it as well. I tried to form relationships with people throughout middle and high school but was ultimately bored and disappointed with the friendships/relationships I tried to cultivate. I burned a lot of bridges and stayed to myself simply because I just didn't care anymore. I battled with depression and thoughts of suicide throughout high school. I didn't know what was going on, and up until recently I still didn't know what was going on. While seclusion was nice and the easier route for the past few years, it wasn't benefiting me anymore and I chose to use a different poa. 3 months ago I moved to Missouri for a life change and to meet new people that didn't know me from my first failed life attempt. When I put my mind to it I can mesh into any friend group you introduce me to. People love me here though and it is quite empowering. I always hear that there is just something about me, followed by a look of curiosity like they just can't put there finger on it. It's never been a question of can I make friends. I know good and well that people fall in love with me quite easily if I play my cards right.... I still feel like it's a playing field though. Like I'm watching everything from the sidelines or the outside of the bubble. I see things differently. I read vibes and I am constantly analyzing people and situations. It can be frustrating at times because you can see the stupidity in everything as well and it becomes quite boring and tiresome.

     In your book you mentioned that a trait of a sociopath can be accepting both genders sexually. In societies eyes, I would be considered a bisexual. But the thing is that I've never really given it much thought. I've just never really cared what gender a person was. It never bothered me and I didn't feel weird or violated when these thoughts arose. I just took it for what it was and have had both male and female partners in the past. Whatever suits my needs in that moment. As far as sexually I must admit that I like it rough. I love being choked and slapped and tied up. If given the opportunity I love to do those things to my partner as well. My friends thing it's strange sometimes how open I am about sex but it doesn't bother me. They are even more surprised when I show them my box of toys and I get to enjoy the puzzled/confused looks on their faces. Like what I'm revealing is too much... Or is it because I don't reveal much to them in the first place that it moves from 0-60 way too fast. Who knows?

       I have never really been a violent person. I think that my family upbringing helped keep those emotions in check. That's not saying that those thoughts don't go through my head. The thought of murder and whatnot really doesn't bother me, so sure in a fit of rage I've imagined brutally murdering someone and loving it, but it's never actually happened. The situation has never fit for me to beat the shit out of someone and usually it's the consequences of those actions that keep me in check. I do get that heady feeling of grinding my teeth together and my saliva begins to taste almost metallic. I love it though. Those feelings make my heart rate increase and my eyes dilate like a wild animal just wanting to slaughter its prey.

      I do believe that the way I was raised has benefited me in the long run. Cuss words like hell and crap weren't even aloud in my house so extremely bad behavior was never tolerated. Who knows where I would be if my upbringing was less than favorable.

       I was so happy to hear that you actually talk to your readers. While this is only a small piece of my life and what I go through, I would love to have your input. You are an incredibly brave person for putting your life out in the open. Your book has really opened my eyes and I don't feel so alone anymore. I was fascinated how much I could relate to your book and I feel like I used up a whole yellow highlighter marking my copy with notes and similarities that I found. While most would be scared to even consider the thought of being a sociopath, if that's what I am then it's something I'm willing to embrace. This is me. I really hope to hear back from you, and again thank you so much!!!

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Empath hypocrisy?

This was an interesting recent comment on an old post:

as an almost permanent tourist in western society, i notice that this particular civilisation is clearly built by and for ppl referred to as sociopaths. Most of the DSM defined traits are essential in the practice of business, law etc as defined by the western cultural model.

Clearly the western media/propaganda machine is either responding to or encouraging widespread worship and admiration of ppl who can kill, fight and act without the accepted social and moral restraints.

in fact, the main difference that i can see between western 'empaths' and 'sociopaths' is that the latter are not inclined to the (mostly) hypocritical displays of 'caring' that the former use as evidence of their so-called humanity.

i know empaths who will readily cry when watching poverty porn, and will discuss starving children with other similarly emotive empaths....but have absolutely no problem chowing down on, say, chocolate produced on plantations that exploit slave children. The majority of westerners buy and wear clothing made by enslaved children in sweatshops, because the pleasure of a killer discount and convenience outweighs any bad feelings over tortured children.

i hear that sociopaths use compartmentalisation to deal with contradiction, but it seems that empaths use cognitive dissonance...and i think the latter may actually be more effective.

So-called empaths can cry about little kittens and cute doggies being hurt, and can weep as heart-rendingly for a fictional, cartoon being as they would for one in real life. Perhaps more so, because they are often without any discernible discomfort when consuming, say, meat that has been produced by basically torturing hundreds and thousands of animals as a matter of course. The inhumane conditions of factory farmed animals well documented, but the western business model is concerned purely with monetary profit and loss.

in fact, the most extreme empaths, called 'sensitives', would rather be shielded from the truth of their hypocrisy, rather than endure the material inconveniences involved in facing most moral dilemmas in this culture.

Being seen as 'nice' and seeing themselves as 'nice' seems to be more important to them than taking actions that actualise this 'niceness' they seem to feel is part of their nature.

i notice the glaring hypocrisy most when i think about the holocaust the nazis created and the western democracies' historical responses.
Americans, for instance, complained about the cruelty of the nazis, the heartless torture and genocide endured by jewish ppl (those who were gypsies, disabled, african and so forth incurred less sympathy for whatever reason). Yet in their own country AT THE SAME TIME they were still up to their elbows in the blood of the African descendants who had been forcibly brought over to that country hundreds of years earlier.
The torture, rape, bio-terror and abuse the status quo of american culture enacted against African and Native american ppl are well documented, and yet the cognitive dissonance employed to ignore this fact and cast euro-americans as the 'good guys' is amazingly still in place.
Western empaths say things like 'never forget', but only when it concerns those they have been programmed to care about.

Right through until the sixties (described as the swinging era of peace and love in this culture) black americans were being publicly lynched, and those events were captured in postcards that were sold door to door and still feature in the family albums of many white american families.
[this links to many of these images http://withoutsanctuary.org/main.html]

in these postcards, you see men, women AND children looking at the bloodied, castrated corpses hanging from the trees....and their expressions register the kind of gay pleasure, excitement and convivial community spirit you might expect at a neighbourhood carnival or block party.

i recently read a news article that could have described this macabre atmosphere perfectly, but it was in fact talking about 'islamists', the new fabricated boogey man of the morally bankrupt west.

From the Metro, February 5th:
""crowds cheer burning death on big screen.
Jubilant crowds of IS supporters have been celebrating as big screens reportedly showed the jordanian pilot being burned to death." The article laments the "sick celebration in the face of international outrage" and marvelled at " a smiling boy aged about six talking excitedly about the killing."

Now, i mentiion this in this forum, because it at least purports to be full of ppl who dont get all emotionally defensive, illogical etc, and who dont have strong attachments to identity etc.

i am interested in a response.
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