Saturday, December 13, 2014

Compartmentalizing

A reader asked me how a sociopath could seemingly feel one way about something one day and feel something entirely inconsistent another day. I responded:

Sociopaths seem to be exceptionally good at compartmentalizing, which would explain why it is possible for him both to have cared (and perhaps still care) for you very much but seem to not be at all interested in you now. A good way for normal people to understand the extent to which this works is to think of a vivid dream, perhaps an anxiety dream in which you dream of things that need to happen, projects that need to get done, problems that need to get solved. During the dream you get very caught up in the urgency of things, whatever it is that you are dreaming about becomes very important to you, you can't imagine a world in which this was not a primary concern for you. When you wake up from the dream there are still lingering feelings of the dream. Perhaps you just have the feeling that you need to do something, or maybe you actually remember specifics of what you supposedly "need" to do. Within the first fifteen minutes or so of wakefulness, however, you eventually realize that it was just a dream, that you really don't have to worry about those things at all, and so you continue living this other life and quickly forget about the dream life. That is how much sociopaths can compartmentalize. The dream world never fully goes away, maybe they remember some of it, or something will remind them of it, but for the most part it and the feelings felt are a faint memory. Those feelings associated were "real" in that they reflect how the sociopath would feel under the circumstances of the dream, but those circumstances just turned out not to be true.

I wonder whether the mechanism of compartmentalizing for the sociopath is the same as the mechanism that allows people with multiple personality disorder to have separate personalities each living essentially independent lives, sometimes unaware of each other.

Friday, December 12, 2014

Who wants to be a sociopath?

From a reader:

I'm going to ask you the most common question you must surely be asked, Am I a sociopath? I am fourteen years old and female and have researched many possibilities for what was clearly an emotional development problem since I was about ten years old.

 When I was ten I came up with the theory that my emotions were more detached than other peoples and this made me wary of those who used emotions in decision making processes (i.e. everyone) and began to seek understanding in fictional characters  who seemed to act like me. They were almost all villains which didn't faze me in the least because I have grown up rooting for the evil side in every story.

 Later in life when I had read into this further I decided that I might have social Anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure) but again rejected this theory when I thought it through further.

In September/October time 2013 I started looking into psychopaths not in an attempt to diagnose myself but to see if it would apply to the fictional character Yassen Gregorovitch from the Alex Rider series. When I started to read through available material online I kept seeing things that applied to me and eventually thought I'd do some of the many tests online as truthfully as I could and each one told me that I was a psychopath and so I found every old diary entry I could in my desk drawers and even they only backed me up with stuff that is surprisingly indifferent when talking about how I hurt my little sister or how stupid books with morals were.

Ever since I was really young I kept to myself and used all that I knew about other people to keep them away including my family. I don't do affection. I have little attachment to things and I feel as if my life is just one huge mask that I've woven since I was little. I'm quite clever but what appears to be intelligence most of the time is just me finding the easiest way to the answer. I have a good understanding of emotions and how to influence them but I have really rather shallow emotions most of the time but some people really piss me off. I've begun to really hate having to go to church but it's all part of my mask. If I can get away with something without getting caught I will do that but if I can't then I won't.  This all seems to be sociopathic.
The only problem is I have two really close friends that I would and have fiercely defended as fierce as I would myself.

I am writing to you because I saw a post talking about a child developmental stage for a sociopath and it was exactly the same as me and as I don't want to tell my parents of my suspicions (they'd take it badly) and I desperately need to know if someone else agrees with me.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Growing up to be a sociopath?

This was an interesting new comment to an old post, "Sociopath child, to teen, to adult":

It's stunning how accurately this describes my life. I get so frustrated when I hear people say sociopaths are the same person from fetus into adulthood. That sociopaths were heartless, self absorbed little monsters when they were children or they aren't really sociopaths.

But I recall a time of feeling normal and having emotions. Or at least feeling as though I had emotions. Feeling love and crying over things, even if they were actually fake. I don't think sociopathy blossoms until your 20's. It's like a seed of darkness that slowly shallows you as you mature.

My childhood followed the same trend of fitting in to hitting an abrupt wall where I was a weird, socially awkward outcast. Always getting picked on and having a very tight circle of friends, going about life like a dog trying to play piano. It wasn't until my mid to late teens that I started studying psychology and social interaction, picking up books on how to manipulate and pick up women, etc.

Sooner or later I became good at getting what I want (control over men, sex from women). It was then I stumbled upon books about psychopathy, and was slowly starting to manifest all the telltale traits. I'm 27 now, and can't remember the last time I really felt all that much about anything. I think I went through a "mean streak" in my early 20's, but now I'm starting to mellow. I don't feel love, but I don't feel contempt either. 

I think I went through that deep soul searching period to reach this point, and I feel I've done a 180 away from the callous, cynical, reckless ways of the dysfunctional sociopath. I don't feel compassionate, but maybe a little benign. Like the world is undeserving, but I happen to be merciful. I don't see a reason to do harm, so why not try to be civil and let the sheep adore me? 

It was really challenging to write the childhood chapters of the book. I wasn't sure whether to write them in the mindset that I have now about things that I used to think were perfectly normal or innocent (manipulations, certain antisocial behavior, etc.) or whether to write it with the mindset that I had then, with all of the megalomania or delusional thinking that I was heavily subject to until my late teens and early twenties. Like everything with the book, my choice ended up being to basically filter out only the most sociopathic seeming things -- often whatever sounded most sociopathic or interesting to my editor at the time. In a way, doing that unwittingly catered to this idea that we are static individuals -- have always been and acted the same. 

The truth is I don't trust my memories of particularly my early childhood before about 8 or 9 years old. They're too hazy and they seem too dream-like to feel like they really happened to me. Maybe I was more normal than I seemed. Or maybe I was more different than I seemed. I do remember having a sense at the time that I was seemed more ruthless and coldhearted than my peers, but I also have a lot of memories of feeling pretty normal -- upset about regular things that children get upset about and megalomaniacal and selfish but perhaps no more than all children tend to be. I don't know, is it possible to have been normal and feeling emotions and then later grow into a sociopath?

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Enabling? or promoting understanding?

From a reader:

Your book's been a beacon I've given up searching for. It's really fascinating, to finally have the words to identify these abstract ideas I've had about myself for so, so many years. It's helped me organize certain behavioral traits which allowed me to organize my thoughts and my behavior more efficiently. There's a story behind all of this, but I would ultimately want you to know that your work and the numerous sources you've referenced have helped me understand myself. It was liberating. The fact that I can recognize my sociopathic traits has allowed me to release these limits I've placed upon myself in order to prevent any damage that may have gotten me noticed in a way that wouldn't suit my interests. 

Perhaps what your work has done most to impact my understanding of this condition is that I'm not the monster that the media has brainwashed people into thinking. And even if I am; that isn't all I have the capacity to be. I'm so much more.

So for all of what I've mentioned, you have my thanks.

Patrick O.

M.E.: I wonder, how would you respond to critics who might say that the book is bad because it empowers sociopathic individuals to embrace their evil behavior rather than fighting it?

The reader's response:

To answer your question,
This book isn't meant to treat or cure anything. What it does is it promotes a degree of self-awareness and provides information that enables the reader to make an informed decision of how to address this particular condition. Knowledge is power and by that idea alone, may correlate to how the book may empower an individual. However; to say it will certainly strengthen the evil and malicious intent of the individual is completely false. Sociopaths are people who simply view the world differently due to their psychological make-up. To me, it seems like such a dark declaration would translate to antagonizing a sociopathic individual for understanding why they have a harder time crying at a funeral than others. It's preposterous. I've done volunteer work at a hospital of my own accord without any incentives, donated to charities, and engaged in what many people I associate with (the majority empaths) would recognize as random acts of kindness. Whether or not I express humility or feel closer to being a saint won't change the fact that my actions were altruistic and ultimately benefited the lives of many others around me. That being said, some may be callous, others may be assertive, but that does not render the sociopathic individual incapable of having integrity and possessing the qualities needed to live in a much more empathetic world. The book did not make me a sinister individual or upset whatever spiritual balance of good and evil emotionally attuned people would be receptive to. It helped me recognize certain characteristics I possessed that damaged relationships that I made a conscious decision to return to and successfully repair. Finally, sociopaths have just as much of a choice to do good as empaths. So reading a book can do as much good to the individual as that person will allow.

Personal Note:
From my understanding of your question, I believe it stems from those numerous studies of sociopaths in the prison system that critics may have gone through before approaching your book. I believe what you're doing through it is a necessary step despite whatever condemnation your work may face. You're very wise to have chosen an alias for yourself considering how steep this uphill journey you're progressing through is; so I commend your foresight. It's a real shame that it may be quite quite some time until your interpretation of socipathy is accepted in the general populace, but until then, it seems assimilation will still be the ideal method of living in this world. You have a good day M.E.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Sociopath or what?

From a reader:

Hello. 

I really have no idea of where to start. I've Always felt different from everyone else and ive Always known that there was something wrong with me. I think i might be a sociopath. When i was a small child, i used to beat up everyone. Ive Always had all this violence built up inside even though when i was small i never got physically or verbal abused. I was that little bully that everyone feared yet everyone loved, till this day. Even though i got bullied, cut myself, attempted suicide. Ive Always thought about murder, my aunt told me that when i was 5 i used to make up stories about people getting brutally murdered with chainsaws, getting tortured, then id just smile and walk away. Im not capable of feeling love. Every single time i got into a relationship id insult and make that person feel bad, hurt them. I didnt care. I never did. Ive never felt remorse. Sometimes id wake up just thinking ''i wanna fight with him''. Even when someone close to me is hurting, i dont care. I cant understand how people can feel pain when someone they love is in pain. I can't do that, i just don't care, no matter who the person is!! Some time ago my dad got mad at me cause we were having a conversation and i said ''i prefer to speak the truth no matter how hard it is. If the person kills herself, then be it. Its their problem, not mine. If they're weak then its not my fault''. 
Now im 17, ive fucked up my last relationship with a guy  i was in love with cause i kept on insulting him heavily, im very anti social, ive had problems at school for the past 2 years : Teachers calling for my behaviour, failed gr10 twice, i dropped out.  I got called ''psychopath''.  A friend of mine said ''i could tell you're a sociopath from the first day ive met you''

Looking forward to a response :) thank you!

Just as an aside, I am just as guilty of making judgments about a person's mental state and possible mental disorders based on just a few short paragraphs of self-reporting, but I sort of think it's interesting what sort of comments these elicit. I'm not sure if you can tell more about the original poster, the projections of the people commenting, or if it's a mixture or neither or what. But I also found it to be at least interesting to see other people respond to who I was via the book -- whether it was things that I thought were interesting, insightful, factually (in)accurate, not likely, etc. If you've ever wondered how quickly (and far) people would take a few salient facts about you and run with them, you should email me a quick bio for me to post to see how ready others are to give you their assessment (and with what absolute confidence, some of them). 
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