Thursday, December 4, 2014

Attention deconcentration

I was reading about the phenomenon of attention deconcentration in an old New Yorker article about free diving, "The Deepest Dive," unfortunately not available in its full form unless you are a subscriber. Here is the relevant portion:
To still the unbidden apprehensions that might interfere with her dive -- what she describes as "the subjective feeling of empty lungs at the deep" -- Molchanova uses a technique that she refers to as "attention deconcentration." ("They get it from the military," Ericson said.) Molchanova told me, "It means distribution of the whole field of attention -- you try to feel everything simultaneously. This condition creates an empty consciousness, so the bad thoughts don't exist."

"Is it difficult to learn?"

"Yes, it's difficult. I teach it in my university. It's a technique from ancient warriors -- it was used by samurai -- but it was developed by a Russian scientist, Oleg Bakhtiyarov, as a psychological-state-management technique for people sho do very monotonous jobs."

I asked if it was like meditation.

"To some degree, except meditation means you're completely free, but if you're in the sea at depth you will have to be focussed, or it will get bad. What you do to start learning is you focus on the edges, not the center of things, as if you were looking at a screen. Basically, all the time I am diving, I have an empty consciousness. I have a kind of melody going through my mind that keeps me going, but otherwise I am completely not in my mind."
This passage in the article intrigued me because it reminded me of playing games to see how far I could expand my visual focus. On the diver Molchanova's website, she mentions that although it is rare for most people to have stumbled upon this experience, people who are subject to persistent stress factors typically have, such as hunters or fighters or other activities where quick decisionmaking is necessary and "emotional reaction in critical situation can lead to the wrong decisions and panic." I feel like I frequently will do this, or try to at least go that direction with my focus. I will do a more toned down version in big crowds, like at an airport. I've heard another practioner refer to something similar as "situational awareness." When I get closest to the idea of deconcentration, I am so hyper aware of all of sensory inputs that I reach a sort of ecstasy. It's very pleasurable.

I'm curious, have the other sociopaths experienced something similar to attention deconcentration?

More information.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Quote: Karma

“Our actions are like ships which we may watch set out to sea, and not know when or with what cargo they will return to port.”

― Iris Murdoch, The Bell

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Red pill blue pill

From a reader:

This morning as I sit quietly in my sunday school room right now, watching as people move past, a thought began to stir in me. Statistically, 1 in 25 of these people are sociopaths. I may not be alone here after all. So I began to examine them. Somewhat amateur profiling, but none the less interesting. I can only wonder if anything them feel as I do, suppressed and hated by the church. I have seen much hate for sociopaths on the internet, but the most villainous and non-christian talk came from professing Christians, of which I am one. I cannot help but wonder, what would it be like for them if we were the majority of the population, whether that population be the world or their sunday school class, and they were hated by the majority simply for being different. I understand that it can be morally wrong to act upon these sociopathic desires, but to simply have them, that is no different than their temptations of sexual sin, drunkenness, or thievery. I wonder what you would ask them if you could ask a question of them? Would you ask the same thing I would, the most commonly asked question in psychology: why? Why is sociopathy so different from all the other human conditions that are upon people due to a fallen sin nature? I always want to know why. Yet I find it too dangerous to ask, for I know their pre-conceived notions and reactions to the knowledge of a sociopath: they are dangerous, exterminate them from a position of power or even from the church.

It is so ironic to me. I now am forced to wear a mask and dance at the stained glass masquerade and pretend like there is no cognitive dissonance with this. I wonder, ME: if I make them all believe that, is it possible to make myself believe it as well? Could I somehow manipulate myself into believing I am one of them, an empath?

M.E.: Unfortunately, I don't think you could manipulate yourself into believing you are one of them, at least not for long. Unlike some of the other personality disorders, sociopaths tend to keep a good deal of self awareness. So unless you had memory problems like the guy form Memento, I don't see it happening. Has anyone else had success trying reverse self-awareness? It seems to me that once you are aware of what you are and that you are different, it would be very difficult to go back?

Monday, December 1, 2014

Training oneself

From a reader:

I was wondering about you training yourself to enjoy and admire a different sex than you were originally attracted to. That seems like a very useful skill, and I wonder whether you can use it to train yourself to do different things, for example to enjoy watching bloody violence in movies more. I was always enamored by ways to test my self control and will, for example the ability to withstand pain, to control emotions etc. I don't self harm, at least not in the traditional sense. I do not cut myself or anything like that, and I do not get enjoyment out of things similar, or any release. But I do however do things such as ice baths to test my self control. But I do care about my self image greatly, and would not do anything that would defile my body.

Anyway, could one train themselves to become more sociopathic? Could you experience less emotions, especially less fear and stress? How do you think one would go around doing that? You mentioned you trained yourself using masturbation, it seems like any release of dopamine combined with an action or visualization would work, but it would have to be revived often. What would you recommend? Facing your fears? Deliberately putting yourself in stressful situations? Watch horror movies until you are never scared of them? Or even masturbate or eat sweet foods while watching violence? 

Or, how would one at will be able to invoke strong emotions, especially rage and happiness? 

Please help. 

P.S: I loved your book. You should if you haven't already read "The wisdom of psychopaths", it explores how psychopathy, lack of emotions especially stress and fear, can be very useful in some professions, such as surgeons and bomb defusers, or astronauts.

M.E.: I absolutely think you could be trained to be more sociopathic. Isn't that how we program child soldiers? Desensitize concentration camp guards? Empathy itself is very context specific. People cry over a child with cancer on the news here while millions are dying of AIDS in Africa. Not saying that it's bad or anything, of course you can't care about anything and everything. But it does suggest that it can be manipulated, either to care more or less about something. And brainwashing? I feel like that used to be more of a thing. Do we still believe that brainwashing happens?

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Depression hurts

From a reader:

I've loved reading your blog. I stumbled across it 6 months ago and now I read it every week. It really is fascinating to me, even though I know I'm not a sociopath. I'm empathetic to a pathetic degree most days. I feel deeply, remorse is my middle name and I can't manipulate people very well.  

However, I've found an interesting side-effect of my depression is a distinct lack of feeling. Most people that I've known when they say they feel depressed they feel melancholy for no reason. I'm not in that category at all. 

When I get depressed, I feel numb, as in nearly nothing at all. It becomes harder for me to tolerate people, so I put on this mask to pretend that I'm alright. I keep it firmly in place, saying all the right things and making all the right facial expressions, but really I'm just trying to bide my time until my emotions "come back on," as it were. 

I know that my depression can be the dangerous kind. When I get too deep, as in too far away from my emotions, I start contemplating things with a more distant mind from morality. I've thought more than once that I could definitely murder someone in cold blood and not feel a thing. People closest to me notice the difference and say I get "colder." I act more selfish, in the sense that I'm putting myself before others which goes against my normal behavior. A close friend also mentioned that I am more honest, but in a mean way, that my filter kind of somehow dies with my emotions. 

When I was a teenager, I used to fall into depression more often than I do now. I would make a game out of it, sometimes kind of willing myself to stay numb for weeks because I knew it would give me an edge during certain periods of my life. But the game nearly made me kill myself once, so I never did it again.   

I'm strangely lucky that my depression is a minor form usually brought about by stress, so if I'm careful I can manage to keep my emotions. However, when I lose them, it's strangely liberating. I've often wondered if maybe there's going to come a day when I go numb and never get my emotions back. I know logically that's not how it works, but it's a strange dream/nightmare I've had since I was about fifteen or so. 

Every time I read about sociopaths and you share your experiences, I wonder if maybe I could've been one given the right trigger at some point in my childhood, or that I might become one if given the right circumstances. It's interesting and a little scary to contemplate, but your articles make me feel at ease with the idea more and more. 

I also think you're really brave for coming out and talking for sociopaths. I've met one self-aware sociopath a long time ago who told me that he didn't want to get killed for being what he was, but he knew if people found out about him they'd destroy him. I wish there was a bigger conversation about sociopathy, ASPD, and so on. I think that actually empaths and sociopaths could benefit from talking about it, since in the end we are all human but nobody is technically "normal." 

Please keep writing and keep the conversation going. I look forward to reading more soon. 

M.E. This is actually pretty interesting. Over the past year or so I have been sort of trying to do the opposite, to really try to amplify my feelings by concentrating on them and really indulging the "feel" of them -- like an emotional hearing aide. So I am more aware of my own emotions, even if I'm still don't necessarily experience other people's emotions via empathy. But if I get sick or otherwise overloaded, I also shut down the emotions and feel numb for a while. And I agree, it feels really great. My therapist doesn't allow me to stay there for long, he says it's counterproductive to what we're trying to ultimately accomplish, but it certainly is very useful for almost anything of practical importance, at least in my life.

Do you feel like your depression is actual depression? Or is it a byproduct of some other issue, like stress or prolonged frustration, boredom, etc.?

Reader:

My depression has been diagnosed, so it's real, but it gets worse under certain periods of stress. Even good stress, like weddings and traveling, can hit me so hard and knock me into a numb state. I'm always aware it's there, though, like a nagging itch under my skin.

I understand that a lot of people suffer from depression and just depression and the depression is not a side effect of other issues or feelings, but I do wonder how often diagnosing someone with depression is like diagnosing someone with a runny nose (symptom), without really looking at the cause. 

And in terms of sociopaths, which of these depressions could they feel? The meaningless depression? The chemical depression? Other types
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