Monday, October 6, 2014

Never Home School a Sociopath

From a reader (and let's play a game where we guess what gender the sociopathic reader is then I tell you at the end):

M.E.,

First, I do want to express my sincere appreciation for your having written your book.  There are so many expressions of your perspective that absolutely take my breath away with their accuracy.  I really thought I was the only one who thought the same things.

Let me start by saying that I am a miserably bad sociopath.  I have all the intellect, the lack of emotion, the ruthlessness, the egoism and swagger, the charm, the wit, the lack of absolute moral code, etc.  I rate fairly high but not the highest on every sociopath "test" I've taken so far, mostly because many tests unfairly include causing harm to others a requisite.  However, I often fail when it comes to using these advantages in the workplace or in my personal life.  When I do succeed (and I definitely have), it's often due more to raw talent and intelligence than any utilization of my skill set.

You see, for a long time, I was (and still am in some ways) completely and unfairly crippled by the fact that I was home schooled from 4th through 7th grade.  Being thrown into the lion's den of junior high school with no context or social capabilities would be bad enough for an empath, but is obviously a nightmare for someone like me.  To have those years back and be able to observe and participate in the most essential social development years would be invaluable to me.

As a result of this, I stumbled my way through my teen years, always a few degrees off kilter from everyone else and unable to understand that they most decidedly did not think or feel like me.  In fact, not even knowing there was any other way to think or feel.  I would often enter social situations and groups, dazzling them with the native charm but fairly quickly become the most hated member of the circle without ever knowing why.  They just knew somehow that I was not like them, that I didn't relate to anything they were saying or feeling.

This background has turned me into a different sort of sociopath, I think.  I have developed an abhorrence for harming others; you see, everyone I could harm during my social development years was someone essential to my survival or personal enjoyment.  This left me completely defenseless when dumped unceremoniously into the public world.  Also as a result of this, I've probably also suffered more harm than they typical sociopath might, as i developed an extreme hesitation to strike back and have typically been utterly naive to possible threats to my person.

I could go on, but you're no stranger to the aspects of wearing this strange mantle.  Suffice it to say that, although it's rather late, I'm glad to finally feel free to know and be who I am. 

Female.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Am I a sociopath?

A reader wonders if he is a sociopath:

I had no idea what a sociopath is. Before I saw the American psycho movie a psychopath was synonym to killer in my dictionary and I am certainly not a killer so psychopath was just not the answer I've been looking for. But the movie made me do some research and stuff and now sociopath may be the answer to all my questions.

I was ten years old when I realised that I am not an ordinary child, I grew up in a muslim family with two kind and loving parents (especially my mother), my father owned a farm where we would go and spend the week-ends. You would assume that I have killed some animals in our farm but I never did. However, I did torture them all and each time I was caught by my father or any of the workers I was beaten to the ground which I didn't understand back then, but they've always told me my soul would burn in hell if I kept doing it which eventually caused me to stop. But each time they would beat me, I would sit alone and ask myself a lot of questions, what did I do wrong? Why is he hitting me? Why care for an animal? Maybe he loves the animal more than me? ... the day I figured it out I was so scared of what I've been doing that I had to create a new me, one that can cover all the evil I've been doing, so I would invent a nerd version of me, for a whole year it was just A's and books and a lonely time in my room, which would comfort my parents for a while, but I wasn't satisfied with the change I've done, I could always sense the presence of the evil within me, and the fact that everyone else seemed so innocent made me hate them all.

 by the time I was fourteen I had to create new layers of my new personality, I developed an athletic me who excelled in boxing and basket-ball, later it has become easy to create layers or masks at any moment I want. I would invent a romantic guy, the bad-ass, the good-guy, the naive, and my favorite the stupid guy. And, I never let them go, in fact I've been always aware of people around me, I could tell what they're thinking, how they're feeling. I used my masks to make contact with them, in a point that they would always feel comfortable to me, and from then it was cake to make them do whatever I wanted. The sad thing is that I did it even with my parents. At high-school I convinced my parents step-by-step that I was seing ghosts, and that I may be losing my mind so they would buy me the car I wanted, and I don't know if the psychiatrist they brought me, sucks at his job or did I excel at acting, that guy confirmed my imaginary show. I manipulated a lot of people, and I knew it was bad ,but I was good at it. And It seemed enough for me to keep on doing it. It was then when my insomnia started, and until tody I only sleep twice a week for a few hours, then I'm on the clock. Not that I spend my nights regretting anything, I never have this kind of problem, I usually spend the nights wandering the Streets looking for trouble or adventures, and at sunrise I have to shower, look good then go back to my game. With time, questions kept bothering me. Who am I? everyone seemed obsessed with seeking validation from other fellow humans, except me, why am I so different? And, why am I doing this? I got bored after all, people were getting dumber and dumber and I couldn't find a challenge, game over I've beaten the boss. Then I taught I should look for a new passion, and I was either going back to torturing animals, explore killing and stuff; Or turn the Wheel for 360 degrees and seek redemption, which I am still looking for.

 I helped a lot of people in the last two years, probably more than those I've ruined their lives. The interesting case was sam, she had some Relationship problems both in her family and with her boyfriend, (both relationships that I've never had) yet I've been able to anticipate sam's choices in a way that kept her away from harm, and strengthen her confidence, what I didn't anticipate was when sam told me she's in love with me. I panicked, and sam never heard of me again. Love doesn't make any sense to me, most people are seeking it, even in the movies, books, the human world is based on love. Which made mine seem so different. I've never loved someone, I missed people for sure, but it wouldn't cause me any mood change, or disturb my thinking. I've helped a lot of guys to seduce their crushes, I even get messages from friends saying that I give the best advice, and that I have a huge wisdom about life. That they cherish me and that I'm big in their eyes, even if I take everything theoretically; Because my logic is flawless, my lack of feelings, helps my brain to think logically.
For the physical part I am a good looking guy, tall with dark hair and big golden eyes, a strong chin and an athletic body that I managed to keep sculpted disregard my lack of sleep. So maybe I am a sociopath, maybe I am something else. I guess if my actions were of sociopathy I would find the redemption I've been seeking. If not then I am what I am.

Friday, October 3, 2014

Brain development

From a reader re this post:


The reader says that he considers himself intelligent and lists a few things that supports his claim. He also describes himself as analytical and emotionally shallow. This reminds me of an article that I read once about the brain development in children who are beat during their childhood vs children that grow up under safe circumstances. It does not exactly describe what the reader is conveying to us, but there is a comparison. Before I start describing the comparison I am making, I would like to say that the article about children's brain development was written from the view of what I think was a brain surgeon if I remember correctly(or maybe it was a scientist with specialization in brain functioning). Either way, the article was not written from the view of a psychologist, which then most likely would have created a very different article. 

The article gave information on how children who are beat regularly and grew up in a stressful aggressive environment develop larger areas in the brain for aggression and fear. This will eventually take up so much of the available mechanics of the child's brain that abilities like logic and analytical skills will suffer. These children grow up with behavioural problems, problems in school, conceptual problems and with the consequences that this follows. They are driven by their emotions, negative ones in this case. Again, a psychologist migh describe this differently, and there are probably many interpretations of problems like these, but this was from the view of that brain surgeon/scientist.

Children who grow up under good conditions develop larger areas in the brain for handling logic and analytical abilities. They have smaller areas in the brain for fear and aggression. They'r total amount of mental capability is probably the same as of the troubled children, but all their mental abilities go to other resources of the brain then their counterparts.

The article further described how the frontal lobe(I think it was the frontal lobe) continues to develop in humans up to the age of thirty, and stated how that was the prime factor why teenagers were more emotionally directed in their decision making then adults in their thirties and above. With a better developed frontal lobe, a person is more calculative, has better cognitive and decision making abilities and is less directed by emotion.

I spent some time following discussions on the guest forum for MENSA in the country where I live. From what I can see, they have a very analytical and factual approach to all kinds of discussions. You will never see them emotionally tantruming, or being in any unfactual or unlogical. These people score on the 2% top in all of society in their figure reasoning tests. Tests that for the main most part test processing speed of information, logical abilities and analytical abilities. I bet they are not sociopaths, but their behaviour could at first glance well fit into the readers description. To be factual myself, I do not personally know these people, I might offcourse be surprised. I am only speaking of impressions.

So MY question is; when is a sociopath a sociopath and not just any human with intelligente to override emotion and analyze facts? We all like to hurt the people we don't like, to nurture our ego, to feel that we affect the world around us and thus give ourselfes meaning, to nurture our own team for our own winning, to have good feelings for what benefits us and bad for what hurts us. We do not all feel empathy all the time, we are not all flowerbeings of endless love emotions(or something). I understand on the other hand that it is a far jump from this to alot of what M.E. describes in her book. 

According to the information I have written here, it could be guessed that a person with a greatly developed brain for logic and analytics might have lesser development for emotions. Offcource, not every one is the same, but it is well known that they who score very high or very low on IQ tests(in the extreme ends) tend to have trouble relating to other people or to society in general. I have seen footage from MENSA members in the United States stating exactly this(youtube :). There are several articles about this on the internet as well(taken with whatever scepticism needed).

Lastly, I don't have any sources to support all this. It is all taken from the top of my head of what I can remember. These thoughts are all guesswork and pieces of information that I have put together. I am not saying that everything on the top of my head is all correct science, or in any way not debatable. I have known several various intelligent human beings. Thus my perception of great intelligence amounts is not narrow minded. With this text I do not accuse people with intelligence of being freaks or diversions of human nature.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

The usefulness of labels (gay, sociopathic, etc.)

From a not so recent comment:

Labels do not have to be limiting. I like to think of labels as being entries in a dictionary, you can get the general information from them and then turn to the etymology to find out the unique story behind it. In my part of the world, in talking with "queer" sociopaths, labels are invaluable. I get to spend much less time talking about the nouns of a person and much more time discussing verbs and adjectives (what makes them distinct). However, I also fully believe that a label must only be a 'first step'. Let the presence (or absence) of it light a fire that causes that introspection. Labels simply the big picture but the onus is on the one using the label to add the detail.

Rather than rehash what I've written many times to the queer sociopaths and sociopathic-leaning individuals that I communicate with, I'll just paste one such instance. It was in response to a homosexual sociopath that feared adding one more label to his list of many.

"Receiving a diagnosis of psychopathy did not change the person that I am. It merely gave a new vocabulary for the person that I always had been. I could then begin to learn about myself further. There was a word, a diagnosis, for the facets of my life that seemed so alien to others. This diagnosis had research associated with it, which would be a treasure-trove of valuable information for learning. No longer was I a seemingly unconnected mess of behaviors and thoughts. I was able to retain my individuality and complexities, but I now had an idea of what a large part of me was. Like early humans mastering the spoken word, I could now communicate with myself and with others a cherished and important of my being: my psychopathy.


Many argue that the use of labels reduces the individuality of those associated with such. I believe this can be true. I am much more than my gender or psychopathy. I am a complex individual with many nuances and quirks. I am unpredictable, wild, and not caged easily. Would not the diagnosis of psychopathy cage me or put me into a box that I could not escape? I don’t believe so. The individual’s use of the label means much here.

A label can be vital for understanding the conditions one lives with. The chronic pain sufferer the learns they have arthritis can take steps to change their activities as well as accept the potential lifelong pain. The psychopath can learn behaviors to rein in impulsivity and better understand the path they must walk to stay free, while also accepting (which is usually not a problem) that they will forever be psychopathic.

As importantly, this vocabulary allows for concise conversation with others. That said, no two psychopaths are exactly alike: we have our individual differences as well as strengths and weaknesses. However, with a proper explanation, the word ‘psychopath’ can turn volumes of explanation into a few sentences. With those that I correspond with, we can can get to the interesting qualities of the person without belaboring the condition. With myself, I can have a similar conversation, focusing on the quirks that make myself who I am and setting a good portion of the larger picture aside as a single word.

There is no shame in being a psychopath. The diagnosis was a gift for me in many ways. It allowed me to see a bigger picture, even if some details are murky, and allowed me to research the condition in order to live the most fulfilling life possible. It let me realize that there are others like me and it gave me the vocabulary to speak articulately with my confidants as well as my psychopathic brothers and sisters. I am a label? No. However, the label makes many things much easier."

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Child sociopath in the news?

From a reader:

Child sociopath?  The Chinese reaction to his attempted murder is strange - he got a stern talking-to and bought the victim a new rope to replace the one he cut.  (?!)

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