Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Is sociopathy a real thing? (part 1)

From a reader:

I have been thinking about your blog lately though I haven't been there that often in the last year. Listen, about me, I am not so sure I am sociopath. I have tendencies but they are because of the fact that I am from [Eastern Europe] and it's a pretty harsh environment around here socially. Actually I was thinking at some point that I am on the other side of the spectrum - borderline - but I not so sure about that either. Maybe I just fucked up emotionally and stuff, you know? 

What I wanted to tell you in this mail was about [Eastern Europe]. Around here, a lot if not most of the people, act as if they are sociopaths. I mean, the things that you and around your blog are signs of empathy and normality, don't show very much around here. A couple of weeks ago I had to give directions to a girl from America while walking on the street. She showed me some directions she got from another guy and I had to give her a whole new path to follow to reach her destination. I remember telling her after she showed me her directions "I am not sure that this is actually a thing *raised eyebrow*". You know? I mean, around here people aren't at all compassionate because of the environment and the general bad conditions. Though people do show emotions and are compassionate to one another, but only within their groups, never to random people. You can always expect to be cheated somehow around here. Anyway, there's a BIG antisocial vibe all around the country. And I am asking myself, what's the difference between petty criminals like I see here, blunted emotions that people have and an actual sociopath. You know? Because around here, stealing from public funds and cheating people out of their money is a present thing going on, not some "maybe" like in a civilized country. 

I mean, if you take Hare's checklist and go around the street here and rate people, you would get a lot of sociopaths. Though none of them can actually be labeled as one, none or too few. 

So, is your blog just that? Just a place where some people that cheat and lie can exhibit their actions? I mean, anything is possible given the right circumstances, you know? What makes a sociopath special? Everybody can lie and steal and cheat, what is behind that? What is behind the antisocial behavior? What's the sociopath's "soul" like? I would very much like to understand that.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Anti-sociopath insurance (part 2)

My response:

Good question.  My first idea while reading your email was to neutralize his power over you.  In interpersonal relationships, information is only powerful if/when someone has it and the other person doesn't know or doesn't want it disclosed.  Someone sent me this clip recently from the Stephen Colbert show.  The gist was that the guest was a "person of interest" in the United States' war on terror.  Although not charged with anything concrete, the POI was asked to remain in touch with the FBI.  In part in compliance but more in protest, the POI began sending the FBI many emails a day with photos and other information about his daily activities, including pictures of his meals and toilet breaks.  At the end of the clip, the POI advocates a "market approach" to combatting government overreaching for information.  Specifically he argues that information is only valuable to intelligence agencies if they are the only ones who know that information or if the party that is the subject of that information does not know that they have the information or does not want it disclosed.  By making his information not only available to the FBI, but publicly available on his website, he has robbed that information of any value.

Similarly, a lot of people have tried to identify me from the blog.  I know that it is basically inevitable that I will be outted in some way, so I have plans to sort of out myself -- or a glass closet.  By outting myself in a way that I am comfortable with, I hope to remove the temptation for others to out me.

Other than that, ways of getting one up on him are probably context specific and situational.  Just being aware of opportunities will help out a lot.  But it's good you're doing this.  He's much less likely to keep you in the toy box if he sees you as a playmate rather than a toy.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Anti-sociopath insurance? (part 1)

From a reader:


Been reading the blog for a bit now, really great to find somewhere like that. I've just been fucked over by a so-called friend and need some advice on what to do next. You and the rest of the regular posters seem to be a good source of ideas, so maybe you can suggest some things.

This guy was a friend for a couple of years, took a while to build trust and eventually became like a mentor, best buddy and confidante. I realised he was different, but I guess I thought I was special and he and I identified very strongly with each other.

Short while ago it would seem he decided I belonged in a different category. He seduced me ( or I let him, whatever) and we had a brief fuck-buddy arrangement. It was fun in places but unsatisfactory in others, I realised he was just playing me like all the others and shut off the emotional response. He's still working to the old script, thinking I'm madly into him and eating my heart out, which is kind of fun.

Over time I've realised that he's manipulated me into situations where he could record us having sex, or conversations about very personal stuff. He probably has a whole folder on me, as I know he does on other girls he's been with. I'm not embarrassed about that, and if he went public with any of it I would happily paste him into a thin smear on LoveFraud.com as well as destroying him professionally. He's nearing the top of his game at work and needs to be very careful.

What I'm most angry about is him boxing me up with his toys. I don't care what he does to anyone else, and would be happy to play with him on an equal footing and not expose him or get in his way. But now I know he feels the need to have some insurance, maybe for future control? I need to have something similar on him. I don't have much time, and I don't have access to his house or stuff, so that limits what I can do.

I'm new to this, very late realising what I'm capable of, but very comfortable now I know. What I'm missing is the decades of practice and applied logic that he (and you) have. I've always worked on instinct, and this is the first time it's left me vulnerable. I don't want to start a war or anything, I'm just not going to allow him all the power here.

Any thoughts?





Sunday, March 4, 2012

How sociopaths are made?

I've been reading Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman and thinking about how and why I became a high functioning sociopath. Psychologists and scientists believe sociopthy is some combination of genes and environment, which makes sense, particularly in light of recent research suggesting that not only do genes matter, but that the body's varying expression of the genes appears in response to environmental or other factors. As Dr. Goleman says:
If a gene never expresses the proteins that could direct the body's functioning in a given way, then we may as well not possess that gene at all.
If there were some triggering event or environmental force that triggered my sociopathy, I think it was just as likely something that happened to me as a baby than something within my conscious memory. For instance, when I was an infant I had a particularly bad case of colic, a poorly understood condition affecting infants whose main symptom is "frequent, inconsolable crying." According to my parents, I cried incessantly, and according to my medical records I had to go to the doctor for a ruptured navel due to excessive crying. I'm sure my parents did as well as they could, but it no doubt must have been difficult to tolerate such a child, much less nurture it.

Dr. Goleman says that although the brain doesn't reach maturity until 20, the biggest growth spurt is in the first 24 months of life. He also cites a study regarding the importance of the very beginning of a mammal's existence in brain programming:
[A]t least for mice, a vital way that parenting can change the very chemistry of a youngster's genes. [A] singular window in development [is] the first twelve hours after a rodent's birth--during which a crucial methyl process occurs. How much a mother rat licks and grooms her pups during this window actually determines how brain chemicals that respond to stress will be made in that pup's brain for the rest of its life.

The more nurturing the mother, the more quick-witted, confident, and fearless the pup will become; the less nurturing she is, the slower to learn and more overwhelmed by threats the pup will be.

The human equivalents of licking and grooming seem to be empathy, attunement, and touch. If [this research] translates to humans . . . then how our parents treated us has left its genetic imprint over and above the set of DNA they passed down to us. And how we treat our children will, in turn, set levels of activity in their genes. (pp. 152-54)
The book is not all that helpful for sociopaths, and has a low opinion of us generally, so I wouldn't recommend taking the time to read it. But maybe I'll post some other sociopath-specific information I find.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Fan mail (part 3)

From a reader:

How refreshing and incredibly relieving it is to see someone whose brain works in a similar fashion to mine. While a world in which I didn't have to remember to blink and frown when someone is crying would be ideal, it is enough to know that there are others who are out there calculation, analyzing, and interesting every day of their lives. If you're ever in [my area], it would be my pleasure to shake your hand and discuss the general world. You do a great service by presenting a thoughtful and accurate public face for sociopaths.




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