Monday, March 5, 2012

Anti-sociopath insurance? (part 1)

From a reader:


Been reading the blog for a bit now, really great to find somewhere like that. I've just been fucked over by a so-called friend and need some advice on what to do next. You and the rest of the regular posters seem to be a good source of ideas, so maybe you can suggest some things.

This guy was a friend for a couple of years, took a while to build trust and eventually became like a mentor, best buddy and confidante. I realised he was different, but I guess I thought I was special and he and I identified very strongly with each other.

Short while ago it would seem he decided I belonged in a different category. He seduced me ( or I let him, whatever) and we had a brief fuck-buddy arrangement. It was fun in places but unsatisfactory in others, I realised he was just playing me like all the others and shut off the emotional response. He's still working to the old script, thinking I'm madly into him and eating my heart out, which is kind of fun.

Over time I've realised that he's manipulated me into situations where he could record us having sex, or conversations about very personal stuff. He probably has a whole folder on me, as I know he does on other girls he's been with. I'm not embarrassed about that, and if he went public with any of it I would happily paste him into a thin smear on LoveFraud.com as well as destroying him professionally. He's nearing the top of his game at work and needs to be very careful.

What I'm most angry about is him boxing me up with his toys. I don't care what he does to anyone else, and would be happy to play with him on an equal footing and not expose him or get in his way. But now I know he feels the need to have some insurance, maybe for future control? I need to have something similar on him. I don't have much time, and I don't have access to his house or stuff, so that limits what I can do.

I'm new to this, very late realising what I'm capable of, but very comfortable now I know. What I'm missing is the decades of practice and applied logic that he (and you) have. I've always worked on instinct, and this is the first time it's left me vulnerable. I don't want to start a war or anything, I'm just not going to allow him all the power here.

Any thoughts?





Sunday, March 4, 2012

How sociopaths are made?

I've been reading Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman and thinking about how and why I became a high functioning sociopath. Psychologists and scientists believe sociopthy is some combination of genes and environment, which makes sense, particularly in light of recent research suggesting that not only do genes matter, but that the body's varying expression of the genes appears in response to environmental or other factors. As Dr. Goleman says:
If a gene never expresses the proteins that could direct the body's functioning in a given way, then we may as well not possess that gene at all.
If there were some triggering event or environmental force that triggered my sociopathy, I think it was just as likely something that happened to me as a baby than something within my conscious memory. For instance, when I was an infant I had a particularly bad case of colic, a poorly understood condition affecting infants whose main symptom is "frequent, inconsolable crying." According to my parents, I cried incessantly, and according to my medical records I had to go to the doctor for a ruptured navel due to excessive crying. I'm sure my parents did as well as they could, but it no doubt must have been difficult to tolerate such a child, much less nurture it.

Dr. Goleman says that although the brain doesn't reach maturity until 20, the biggest growth spurt is in the first 24 months of life. He also cites a study regarding the importance of the very beginning of a mammal's existence in brain programming:
[A]t least for mice, a vital way that parenting can change the very chemistry of a youngster's genes. [A] singular window in development [is] the first twelve hours after a rodent's birth--during which a crucial methyl process occurs. How much a mother rat licks and grooms her pups during this window actually determines how brain chemicals that respond to stress will be made in that pup's brain for the rest of its life.

The more nurturing the mother, the more quick-witted, confident, and fearless the pup will become; the less nurturing she is, the slower to learn and more overwhelmed by threats the pup will be.

The human equivalents of licking and grooming seem to be empathy, attunement, and touch. If [this research] translates to humans . . . then how our parents treated us has left its genetic imprint over and above the set of DNA they passed down to us. And how we treat our children will, in turn, set levels of activity in their genes. (pp. 152-54)
The book is not all that helpful for sociopaths, and has a low opinion of us generally, so I wouldn't recommend taking the time to read it. But maybe I'll post some other sociopath-specific information I find.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Fan mail (part 3)

From a reader:

How refreshing and incredibly relieving it is to see someone whose brain works in a similar fashion to mine. While a world in which I didn't have to remember to blink and frown when someone is crying would be ideal, it is enough to know that there are others who are out there calculation, analyzing, and interesting every day of their lives. If you're ever in [my area], it would be my pleasure to shake your hand and discuss the general world. You do a great service by presenting a thoughtful and accurate public face for sociopaths.




Friday, March 2, 2012

Letter from a sociopath

From a reader:

I just stumbled upon your blog this morning between tea and eggs while I was doing preliminary research for a critique of the movie "The Talented Mr. Ripley".  My paper is focused on sociopathic behavior.  What I discovered, and what initially stymied my interest, were my own sociopathic tendencies.  Now I am (recently) 20 years old and studying film and gender at a liberal arts school in the United States.  I have never been too interested in much psychology or psychoanalysis for fear of self-diagnosis, but as a marijuana-addled young adult I am constantly questioning my identity. I come form a Gypsy background, and, to put it simply, have always felt like a social parasite.  Not for no reason, I partook in my share of moral offenses and such, but the explanation for these immoral impulses and the lack of empathy that accompanied was always my upbringing.  My mother and father were both deal seekers, often stealing what they couldn't afford or what they deemed they deserved.  But I was always perplexed about the sort of satisfaction me and my two younger brothers received from "sabotaging" public places or simply taking things that weren't ours.  Why were we different?  Were we different?  Could it all be summed up to our Gypsy mother who raised us alone for 10 years?

Although these questions were always on the back burner, they didn't affect my immediate life too much (except when my best friend found out I took his Ipod about a year ago; or my ex-girlfriend discovered the constant lies I invented to cover up inconsequential things; or the time I was arrested for shop-lifting at Target after two weeks of ripping off Health Food stores up and down the East Coast).  Nonetheless, I am very adept at observing the world around me and fitting in as best I can, "getting in" as best I can even as a constant outside observer.  I mean I observe everything, from the way people hold their hands in class when asking a question, to the way my friends adjust their pants so as to fit "conventionally" over their Ralph Lauren boxers.  I am a quick study too, often emulating the desirable traits around me and excelling at them faster, or more attractively, than the person I got it from!  Throughout the stages of my life, I have always had one close, very close, male friend who is a little more "popular", or maybe a better word "adept", at "life" or the particular goals with which I am interested in achieving.  We are constantly around each other, and I am constantly taking silent notes on how to be.  How I should go about achieving my life.  Sometimes I feel like goals aren't even mine and I construct them to more emulate a lifestyle that I desire.  I am always single, they always have long-term girlfriends (mind you I am athletic and do have a lot of sex, but I see too many flaws in every woman, too many turn-offs for me to even consider more sophisticated approaches like a date.)

I am rambling because the preverbal lightbulb literally went "click!" today as I scoured your site.  I feel very vulnerable right now, but also excited to (possibly) belong to an esoteric group of individuals.  I am not asking for any sort of response or advice, although both would be wonderful, I just have  a couple qualms and reservations that accompany a brand new way of thinking about life for me.  

a. as of right now (and more or less 3 years back)  I have been smoking pot on a daily basis.  I know that sociopathy is a complicated neurological phenomena, but from what I understand the orbitofrontal cortex is a key player in terms of what it controls.  The OC is also the focal point for a lot of neurological research structured around cannabinoid transmission.  This interests and concerns me.  If the use of marijuana exacerbates sociopathic tendencies, what are the immediate (and more longitudinal) consequences of smoking weed for someone like me?

b.  I have two younger brothers (age 15 and 18) who also smoke a lot of pot, but started earlier than me (I started at the age of 16, them 13, 14 or maybe 15).  They have their own lives and, I think, sociopathic tendencies as well, but ultimately they look up to me for guidance as they always have in a pseudo-hostile world and I want to give them the information they need to make valuable life decisions NOW before they pass a certain point of no return (if there is one).

I know this sounds like an overdue confession more suitably aimed a psychologist's way, but... meh.

 M.E.: I have no idea about pot.  I never have been into any sort of mind altering substance, mainly because I am a complete control freak and I don't have any inhibitions I would like to give up.  But maybe there are other people who would know better.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Sociopath porn (part 2)

These type of things fascinate me, they may be disturbing to others.  This time, burn victims.  And the New York Times article about the project.

I actually like reminders of how fragile my existence is.  My existence is fragile because society is fragile. When I acknowledge my own mortality, it's just another way of recognizing how rife society is with weakness -- weaknesses that are just calling out for someone like me to exploit them.  I see hope in that.  Pleasure, even.  Interestingly, I think that this is also the sort of message the painter of the above linked burn-victim series is trying to convey.  
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