Friday, February 24, 2012

Missing the big picture?

Once when I was quite young I went on a class trip to the sea as part of a lesson on marine life. We were pleasantly walking along the shore, ostensibly looking for sea shells or other signs of life, but most of my classmates were quickly bored and started kicking up sand or chasing each other. Used to doing my own thing, I kept at the sea shell collecting and had quite a handful of smaller shells. I was concentrating so hard I started to fall behind. My teachers urged me on -- "There will be more shells up ahead." Sure, I thought, but there are also a lot of good shells here that everyone is overlooking. It turned out, though, that the teachers had previously purchased some large shells from a shop and had scattered them in one particular area for the students to collect. They were easy to see and gather, even for the least observant or laziest child. By the time I got to that area, of course all the purchased shells had been taken.

A few years later I visited Brussels with a friend. I hadn't bothered doing research on the city ahead of time, figuring we would just join a bus tour or something line that. Group tours seemed more trouble than they were worth, though, so my friend and I grabbed a simple map and set out to see the sites. After hours of walking in a big circle and growing a little disappointed, we went to the last site on our map -- the market square. It was breathtakingly, awe-inspiringly beautiful. I had been doing my best to appreciate every bit of Brussels in the little churches and government buildings that we had visited, but it was so easy to fall in love with the charming city once we were in the town square, waffle in hand.

I like who I am. I like that I am methodical, relentless, efficient, able to capitalize on any situation, etc. I wasn't upset with myself at either the beach or Brussels because I'd done the best that I could with the information I had available. Still I often think about those experiences and wonder what other things I may be missing out on in life. Specific to my low-grade sociopathy, love? Human understanding? Emotional intimacy? Do I experience those things in their fullness? And if I in anyway chose this life, have I chosen the better part?

Thursday, February 23, 2012

How to be more charming

Under the headline "Top 10 Charming Gestures," this Ask Men article suggests:


We’ve all met them, haven’t we? People who just get along effortlessly with everyone -- those incredible individuals who seem to glide through life on a permanent high. These are the people we are all slightly jealous of because they are always doing something interesting or they always seem to have another amazing adventure to share. We can’t stay jealous, though, because they are just too damn likable. When other people discuss them, they always use that word: charming.

If you asked anyone what makes someone charming, the vast majority of people would have no idea. It would be some vague, intangible quality that doesn’t help us in developing that desirable characteristic. But help is at hand; part of our raison d’etre is to break these things down, so that you too can develop these life-enhancing social skills. Being charming is not as difficult as it may seem, and can be hugely rewarding: You get invited to more parties, you make more friends, you get more business opportunities, and important people are more likely to remember you. Above all, you have more fun. Sound good? Then get ready for these top 10 charming gestures.  

The article goes along to suggest some obvious and not so obvious tips, including the effective use of touch, believable flattery, accepting others' flattery graciously, including less social individuals into the conversation, using people's names, and always finding a way to turn conversations back to the other person.

Of course I credit a lot of my charm to a perfectly disarming smile.  I happen to have dimples (seen in some cultures "as a sign of attractiveness and veracity," according to wikipedia), which make me seem much more harmless than I really am.  The smile combined with a too-intense gaze is like coffee with cigarettes -- very complementary.  I do use people's names a lot, as the article suggests, but once it's clear that I can (or should) know their name, I refer to them by their title instead.  You can also do this if you have forgotten someone's name.  The Ryan Gosling character in the film Crazy, Stupid, Love did this to good effect ("fancy face," among others).  Other than that, I think the formula for charm is essentially  an utter confidence that makes you seem superior to others, but an accessibility and approving attitude that makes people feel comfortable in your presence.  Like all formulas, the devil is in finding the right ratio of one thing to the other.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Teaching self-control

This was an interesting NY Times article about learning self-control.  It's specifically directed at teaching children self-control, but I think it can apply equally (or maybe more so) to adults, including sociopathic adults.


Effective approaches for building self-control combine fun with progressively increasing challenges. Rather than force activities onto an unwilling child, take advantage of his or her individual tendencies. When children develop self-control through their own pursuit of happiness, no parental hovering is required. Find something that the child is crazy about but that requires active effort. Whether it’s compiling baseball statistics or making (but not passively watching) YouTube videos, passionate hobbies build mental staying power that can also be used for math homework.

Play allows children to practice skills that are useful in adult life. Young children build self-control through elaborate, imaginative games like pretending to be a doctor or a fireman. Preschool teachers can promote self-control with simple techniques — for example, handing a child a drawing of an ear to remind him that it’s his turn to listen. Frequent practice is crucial. Montessori preschool instruction, which has been shown to lead to strong academic achievement, incorporates self-control into daily activities.

Learning a second language strengthens mental flexibility, an aspect of self-control, because the languages interfere with each other and because children must determine which language the listener will understand. Bilingual children do well on tasks that require them to ignore conflicting cues, for example reporting that a word is printed in green ink even though it says “red.” Bilingual children are better at learning abstract rules and reversing previously learned rules, even before their first birthday. People who continue to speak both languages as adults show these benefits for a lifetime.

Aerobic exercise, which increases prefrontal cortex activity, is another way to build cognitive flexibility. Further benefits may come from Asian practices that require sustained attention and disciplined action, like martial arts, yoga and meditation. Though parents often worry that physical education takes time away from the classroom, an analysis of multiple studies instead found strong evidence that physical activity improved academic performance.


It was interesting reading that learning a second language (at least for children) can improve self-control.  I often credit my study of music for building my own self-control.  It helps my mind remain focused, allowing me to think linearly and remain on task rather than be distracted by every whim or impulse.  I also couldn't cheat or charm my way to musical proficiency -- I could only do it the hard way.

I think studying mathematics has also improved my self-control.  I agree that training your mind to learn different mechanisms of abstraction helps with directing one's concentration, which helps with self-control.

I swim regularly to keep my mind and body limber.  I also like the white noise.  It's calming, like I'm back in the womb.

Finally, I make everything I do into a game.  I really can't force myself to do anything.  If it weren't entertaining to me, I just would never do it.  But I can make things entertaining by incentivizing myself or trying to "win" at certain things.

With sociopaths (more than most people), what we actually end up doing is somewhat of a dice roll, but it's not something that is completely beyond our ability to influence.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Defining who is a monster

There's something that I liked about this comment on a somewhat recent post, but also a lot of it I wasn't sure if I understood.  Empaths, does this sound at all accurate as a depiction of how you feel, as a group?


There's a deep psychological reason why sociopaths repulse and scare. I may not be able to explain in sufficient detail right now, but it has to do with the fundamental cosmological view of the empath.

I'll try to explain:

1. Everything that happens, happens within the mind. There is no distinct difference between real and imagined experience; sensory input stimulates the brain, which creates conscious awareness; but imaginary stimulus can also stimulate (we all know this via the imagined realism of dreams).

2. We do not, nor can we ever, know that other human beings are conscious. Other human beings may be imaginary zombies.

3. Yet, logic dictates, other beings like ourselves must experience life similarly.

4. A solipsistic view of reality becomes feasible, despite an innate urge to imagine others exist.

5. Therefore, if our own experiences AND those of others cannot be known to be real, we can at best conclude such information to be irrelevant. What, then, is real?

6. Only the interrelationships BETWEEN conscious beings can be real.

7. Therefore: Empathy.

8. Because empathy is a human being's only solid grasp on reality, the creature incapable of empathy is a monster that threatens reality itself. This is a danger even for introspective sociopaths who realize the nature and meaninglessness of their own existence, because they may then decide life is not worth living and engage in destructive behaviors.

I hope this makes sense. I've tried to make sense of it for years, but it's hard to put into words. 

Monday, February 20, 2012

Amphetamines

From a reader:


I wanted to send you a response to an excerpt you posted earlier with regard to amphetamine use and its impact on the sociopath mind. As I am sure you are aware, there are neurobiological variances in a sociopath brain when compared to controls. I've written an essay on this myself, focusing on what changes are present, the purpose of the altered areas of the brain, and how to handle forms of agnosia such as this, since I believe that there are huge misunderstandings about the "disorder," even among the psychiatric field.

As I was saying: there are differences, and the sociopath brain does indeed process amphetamines differently than others. When amphetamines were administered to sociopaths during an experiment, they released four times the amount of dopamine as non-sociopaths. To quote my website:

"Joshua Buckholtz, a graduate student in psychology, pronounced to the media that 'a hyper-reactive dopamine reward system may be the foundation for some of the most problematic behaviors associated with psychopathy.' Dopamine (DA) is a catecholamine neurotransmitter commonly associated with enjoyment. It is used in the prediction of success, motivation, and cognition, and released during positive experiences, such as intercourse. Researchers at the Vanderbilt University employed positron emission tomography (PET) and functional magnetic imaging (fMRI) to measure dopamine release and the brain’s reward system. They discovered that both were heightened among those driven by psychopathic personalities. Likewise, people with high levels of psychopathy had almost four times the amount of dopamine released to the amphetamines administered during a scientific test. The obvious conclusion is that psychopaths are driven to pursue reward, but not restrained by apprehension.  

"This information is important, because it provides statistically normal persons a fascinating insight into dealing with psychopaths. Rather than advising them against negative experiences, such as prison, they must encourage positive ones, like freedom. The psychopath is inherently selfish, and if he desires to do what is best for himself, he must stress the importance of setting goals, and avoiding a pattern of reckless indulgence, because it is easy for him to do so, given the absence of reticence or realistic hesitation."

I'm not sure if you have already discovered this information elsewhere, as I have not read all of your posts, but - just in case. Here you go.

(Diagnosed as a sociopath four months ago),
Join Amazon Prime - Watch Over 40,000 Movies

.

Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.