Female sociopaths

From LoveFraud:

There is actually very little research data available regarding sociopathy in non-criminals and in women. The little research that has been done reveals that sociopathy in women entails two or three main features that are similar to those found in men. Namely, female sociopaths lack empathy and enjoy manipulating and exploiting others. Violent and impulsive behavior is less common in sociopathic women. This fact may make them more dangerous, as they more easily blend in with the rest of society. 

A recent study of adolescent girls in detention performed by Crystal L. Schrum, M.A. and Randall T. Salekin, Ph.D. of the University of Alabama and reported in Behavioral Sciences and the Law, revealed the core qualities that best described young female sociopaths. The teens were callous and lacked empathy, had a grandiose sense of self worth and were conning and manipulative. They were also likely to engage in impersonal sexual relationships. Importantly, the researchers revealed that female sociopaths did not necessarily have “shallow emotions.” Again the lack of impulsivity and shallow emotions may make a female sociopath more difficult to spot.

Second opinion

From a reader:

I stumbled across your site while doing some research on my own personality.  I find it fascinating.  I am greatly envious of true sociopaths.  I believe I am on the opposite end of the scale.  A super empath if you will.  I am old now, but for as long as I can remember emotions have brought me nothing but pain.  Long before I ever heard the term sociopath or had any idea what it meant, I longed to be numb.  Life has worn me down to the point where I do not suffer to the extent I did at one time, however, even the vestiges of what I once felt are sufficient to make me miserable.

In my humble opinion most people are like sheep.  They have a deep need to conform, to "fit in".  They will go to great lengths to achieve their goals.   I also feel (there's that nasty four letter word") that they want to be told what to do, despite their vehement insistence to the contrary.   In my opinion socios are just like every other human being, only with the added luxury of doing whatever best benefits them with no emotional baggage.  You all seem highly intelligent, organized thinkers who are of great benefit to society if you so choose.  I think the one emotion you may be capable of is extreme annoyance due to the rampant stupidity with which you are faced each day.  Anyway, thanks for the site.  It is the one place on the web I can go and be assured of some reasonable discourse.

Interpersonal

A reader describes a sociopath she dated, who has since become somewhat of a friend:

[On his sleeping around]: It’s like I have an internal conflict going on, I suppose it’s to do with society and how we are brought up to expect people to behave etc. Society tells me that relationships are supposed to be monogamous, open and honest. But I know in reality that is not how it works, I myself cheated on my long term boyfriend, 5 times in fact, and it was never anything to do with him, I really did love him, had I thought he would find out and get hurt I would never have done it, but I knew he wouldn’t and it was fun so I did it.  And so I have a conflict between what I think I am supposed to expect from him, what he delivers, and what I find I am able to accept in reality.

I accept it because I have done it and I’m not a sociopath, so I am in no position to tell him off for doing the same when he is ‘programmed’ to do so. I have also always known what he is like and allow him back in my life on that basis, I cannot therefore start complaining later on down the line. And at the end of the day I just like him being about, so I balance it and have the occasional spat at him. It will run its course. 

For some reason I do believe that he considers me a friend, I cannot see any other reason for him being around, but I also accept that I may be wrong. Maybe he is using me for something, but I cannot think what. I feel that I use him too, I think we all use each other to a certain extent, we spend time with people because it suits us to do so, they entertain us, listen to us, give us comfort etc. I like having him around, he makes me laugh, we get on well together, I know sociopaths tailor themselves to suit who they are with, but again I feel people do that in general, I do not have the same conversations with my father that I have with my friends, again I am different at work. I accept that it is his nature.

Oh it’s all just so frustrating. But it does interest me so much, I’d hate to lose him from my life, though I accept that may well happen one day if/when he gets bored.

I guess I want to know if he does consider me a friend, I don’t expect it to be unconditional, but that he sticks around because he likes to spend time with me.
Is there any chance of him ever opening up to me? I just feel it would make some conversations so much easier, but obviously it is not my place to ‘out’ him, I would never do that.

How do I make him realise that I have no intention of turning my back on him? Like I say, I need to lessen my dependence, but I don’t know how to do it without making him feel like I'm pushing him away.
Any advice would be most gratefully received, I’d also love to hear any observation you have on the situation, feel free to call me a dopey empath!

M.E.: I don't know if he'll ever open up to you.  He is probably so used to relying on his insight that if his instinct is to never tell you the whole truth, he will not second guess that.  (And honestly, I would trust his judgment of what you can handle more than yours, of course no offense intended).

In terms of what he gets out of your relationship, it seem to be companionship and an alleviation of boredom.  I think that sociopaths don't feel lonely so much as get scared that they'll be alone and not by choice, if that makes sense.  They're just worried in general about things that they can't control, and one of those things (at least to a certain extent) are interpersonal relationships.

If you really want to lessen your own reliance on him without tipping him off or hurting his ego, I would suggest acquiring more activities/things/projects/people that will just naturally push him more out of the picture.  As you get busier with your new life and new found interests, he'll look for another, less sucked-dry target.

No pain no gain

Quick question of the sociopaths--have any of you passed out because of pain or have passed out because you have otherwise pushed your physical limits too far? I was reading this New Yorker article that posited that competitive cycling is essentially dominated by either those who don't feel pain or welcome the physical manifestation of cycling pain over psychological or emotional pain and I became interested in the relative tolerances for pain of sociopaths and normal people. I took a quick poll of the normal people around me today with the question above, and I was surprised to find that no one had ever passed out, whereas I have passed out many times, in all sorts of situations. Maybe it is unrelated, just thought I would ask.

A prosthetic moral compass?

Like many sociopaths, I have my own way of organizing the world and coming up with shortcuts for good decisions. I like to use economics and the principles of efficiency. Most of the time my method tracks what the majority think is the moral thing to do. Why don't we kill? Because if it were really more efficient to take another person's life, the murderer should be able to pay enough money to the victim that he would consent to the murder. Along the same reasoning, murder of animals is fine because animals don't have the access to capital markets or earning potential to be able to buy their life, right? Wrong. Because otherwise that would also apply to slaves. See? It's complicated. Hard to keep track of things. But it's only a prosthetic moral compass, so what do you expect?

Here's an oft-asked question: If there were a cure for sociopathy, would I take it? Or do I really believe that sociopathy is just another way of navigating the world, an acceptable variance in human behavior? Would it be a betrayal to "my people" to accept a "solution" to a "problem" that they don't think needs solving? A significant portion of the deaf community feels that cochlear implants are an affront to legitimate deaf culture. What if there there were a cochlear implant for the heart? Wikianswers seems to think there's one coming:

In cases where brain damage is too severe to permit [normal therapy], new developments in technology in the next decades will bring implantable devices that may be able to be used in the brain, along with other means including synthetic replacement neurotransmitters, to carry nerve impulses along paths formerly silent and unused in the sociopath's brain.

I'm not one to get my information from wikianswers, and I haven't been able to find out what new technology this person was referring to, but it still is an interesting idea. Particularly if it stopped being evolutionarily advantageous to be a sociopath, I think I would seriously consider getting a mechanical device to "fix" my "broken" brain.

At the very least, I think it would be interesting to experience what others experience, even for a limited duration or in a limited capacity.  I was just reading in the NY Times about how John Elder Robison (Aspie and author of the memoir "Look Me in the Eye") underwent some experimental treatment that "had given him a temporary insight into other people he had not had previously".  If something like that were possible for people like me, I would almost certainly choose to do it.  I feel like that sort of insight can only be a good thing.