Friday, September 16, 2011

Sociopath(ic) (part 2)

From a reader (cont.):
I may not be neurologically atypical when it comes to having a conscience, but we are (at least in part) the product of our environment, and I was raised around a group of men obsessed with regaining their youth, as well as their potential "go" at fame, and that impression has stuck with me. My mother associated with my father initally because of his unpredictability as well his ability to make everyday life seem exciting, despite its disfunctionality. Don't get me wrong... I'm not blaming my desires on my anyone. I comprehend them fully, and I see where they're going, but when my personal relationships are going well, I detach because I'm incredibly bored. If things are going well in ANY of my personal relationships, romantic or otherwise, I disentangle. At this point, it's a game to me. How long can I keep people interested in me without personally investing in them? 
I learned to manipulate before I could walk. From my perspective, this is sick. There's an Onion article that really resonates with me, despite its obvious jab at overanalysis... ... I don't think that I'm neurologically atypical, but I do think that I've learned techniques from people whose world view doesn't resonate with mine. 
Back to my actual question, though... How often do you see strong socipathic traits in people clearly in possession of a conscience? Have you noticed these tendencies and learned bahaviors to be more prevalant in those related to socipaths? I'd love to hear back.
M.E.: It's an interesting question. I think there are a lot of people in my family who have sociopathic traits and tend to think like sociopaths, but do seem to have empathy. Sometimes I think I make the mistake of just assuming that they are sociopaths, but then they say something that doesn't make sense, like talking about how important love is. And I think sometimes they assume that I am normal but just like them, but then I say something that they think is horrifying, like telling them some sketchy thing I did. I've gotten emails from a few other people who had sociopathic parents and adopted some of their sociopathic traits. I guess you could say that they are bilingual in sociopath and empath. Although I don't think anyone can ever be completely empathic if they have seen the world through sociopathic eyes, do you?

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Sociopath(ic) (part 1)

From a reader:
I've been reading your blog for well over a year now and a lot of my questions about sociopaths and their tendencies have been answered, but there's one topic I've not seen discussed in any real depth.

I'm an "empath". I'm the sort that feels so intensely that it's often physically painful. I've been that way for my entire life, so I'm fully aware that I'm not a sociopath, but I have a few sociopathic characteristics.

The main sociopathic characteristic that I identify with is mimicry. I've been doing it for most of my life, and I've called it mirroring. I, like you, have a difficult time navigating social situations naturally; every move has to be planned in order for me to seem normal. Like you, I've been picking and choosing parts of my personality for decades, and every single one of those parts is meant to add up to what other people appreciate in their peers. People really aren't very difficult to read; their cards are out on the table the moment they open their mouths. As soon as I can size them up and assess their likes and dislikes, I pour myself into a mold resembling their ideal companion.

I abuse substances quite frequently, also. I realize that this is something more characteristic of "low-functioning" sociopaths due to poor impulse control, and I own how pathetic it is, but, as an empath, I do it to make myself feel less. I find that I fit in better when under the influence of opiates, or, in a pinch, any "downer" in general. Not heroin, mind you; heroin scares me. I have an addictive personality already. I'm more partial to hydrocodone. It's easy to come by, and cheap when you find the right people to buy from. I have a difficult time being insincere when I'm sober, but once I have about five 10 mg hydrocodone tablets in me, I don't feel bad about insincerely telling people what they want to hear.

Weirdly, I've noticed that the males in my family have a stronger tendency toward sociopathy. The possibility exists that they do, in fact, FEEL, but it actually seems more likely to me that they've become incredibly good at reading women in (especially those in my family) and acting accordingly. My dad is a very low-functioning sociopath. He propositioned every single friend I had in my youth and blamed it on alcohol, and now he's facing his tenth year of probation due to poor impulse control. Despite the fact that I've recognized and researched his neurological leanings (he's the main reason for my interest in the subject of socipaths), I find myself feeling sorry for the man, like he's some sort of bumbling idiot , as opposed to a cold and calculating monster. He's used me since the day that I was born, and he's done it well. I feel like a terrible person every time this man feigns innocence when I find out about him molesting my friends. He denies it and I, as an empath, desperately want to believe him. I fancy myself logical, but guilt trips me up, and when he plays the idiot as well as he does, I feel like an abusive monster. Fear and guilt trump reason. Consciousness is a bitch.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Getting what you pay for


I don't know how much we really trick people into doing things they don't want to do or being in relationships they don't want to be in. I think the most we can be blamed for is getting people to want things they otherwise wouldn't want. A good example is when I was growing up, a vacuum cleaner salesman came to my house. My mother sat with him for hours, watching his demonstration and trying out the vacuum. The vacuum was absurdly expensive, the price of a cheap used automobile. She is a little bit of a germaphobe, though, with mild allergies. To her, the hope and promise of the vacuum cleaner as panacea was enough so she bought it. That vacuum cleaner worked ok, I guess, but only for a few years before it was relegated to a closet. Was she manipulated into buying it? Yes, but I also think in a way that she got her money's worth.

Now that I write this with my adult mind I wonder if there was something else going on with the vacuum salesman...

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Sociopaths = introverts?

This is an interesting op ed from The Atlantic about introverts. I identified with a lot of the descriptions. I know a lot of sociopathic leaning folk seem to be extroverts. Maybe it's possible to have both extroverted and introverted sociopaths, and they just differ in how they spend their off time?
Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice? . . . .
If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands . . . .
[A]fter an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: "I'm okay, you're okay—in small doses."
There are some allusions to sociopathic ways of being ("many actors, I've read, are introverts, and many introverts, when socializing, feel like actors"), although introverts deny being misanthropic. But do you know who has even more in common with introverts? Aspies. I thought this Aspie take on introversion was especially entertaining in light of recent events:
Admittedly, if you take enough abuse and feel slighted enough times by colleagues and peers, it is a challenge not to become cynical and misanthropic. I personally find I dislike trying to deal with people more each year. The majority of people might be okay, but it seems that one lousy person will find a way to abuse or insult me given the opportunity. Why would I want to deal with a large group knowing even one jerk is present? Unlike other people, I have a difficult time, a nearly impossible time, forgetting such abuse. 
But I'm not shy. I'm not introverted. In fact, my problem is that I will try to defend myself when I perceive an attack. (I don't always perceive an attack, sadly, until it is too late to undo damage.) So, my "introversion" is really an attempt to avoid people and conflicts. It's not a desire to be alone because I like being alone, it is a desire to avoid being miserable later. 
Many people with ASDs start to seem introverted because that's an easy way to cope with life. If I stay at home, there is less risk of sensory overload, emotional overload, or general social conflicts. Alone is safe. And, thankfully, I don't feel "lonely" or "isolated" -- when I feel "trapped" it is not because I want to be around people, but because I want out of the city. 
Sure, I realize I was isolated from peers and colleagues. But my desire for connections was practical; I realize social connections do matter at school, in the workplace, and within organizations. Unfortunately, I lack the social skills to develop the relationships that might help my career(s).

Quote: pleasure and pain

"Pleasure cannot be shared; like Pain, it can only be experienced or inflicted, and when we give pleasure to our Lovers or bestow Charity upon the Needy, we do so, not to gratify the objects of our Benevolence, but only ourselves. For the Truth is that we are kind for the same reasons as we are cruel, in order that we may enhance the sense of our own Power." -Aldous Huxley
Join Amazon Prime - Watch Over 40,000 Movies

.

Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.