I've been reading your blog for well over a year now and a lot of my questions about sociopaths and their tendencies have been answered, but there's one topic I've not seen discussed in any real depth.
I'm an "empath". I'm the sort that feels so intensely that it's often physically painful. I've been that way for my entire life, so I'm fully aware that I'm not a sociopath, but I have a few sociopathic characteristics.
The main sociopathic characteristic that I identify with is mimicry. I've been doing it for most of my life, and I've called it mirroring. I, like you, have a difficult time navigating social situations naturally; every move has to be planned in order for me to seem normal. Like you, I've been picking and choosing parts of my personality for decades, and every single one of those parts is meant to add up to what other people appreciate in their peers. People really aren't very difficult to read; their cards are out on the table the moment they open their mouths. As soon as I can size them up and assess their likes and dislikes, I pour myself into a mold resembling their ideal companion.
I abuse substances quite frequently, also. I realize that this is something more characteristic of "low-functioning" sociopaths due to poor impulse control, and I own how pathetic it is, but, as an empath, I do it to make myself feel less. I find that I fit in better when under the influence of opiates, or, in a pinch, any "downer" in general. Not heroin, mind you; heroin scares me. I have an addictive personality already. I'm more partial to hydrocodone. It's easy to come by, and cheap when you find the right people to buy from. I have a difficult time being insincere when I'm sober, but once I have about five 10 mg hydrocodone tablets in me, I don't feel bad about insincerely telling people what they want to hear.
Weirdly, I've noticed that the males in my family have a stronger tendency toward sociopathy. The possibility exists that they do, in fact, FEEL, but it actually seems more likely to me that they've become incredibly good at reading women in (especially those in my family) and acting accordingly. My dad is a very low-functioning sociopath. He propositioned every single friend I had in my youth and blamed it on alcohol, and now he's facing his tenth year of probation due to poor impulse control. Despite the fact that I've recognized and researched his neurological leanings (he's the main reason for my interest in the subject of socipaths), I find myself feeling sorry for the man, like he's some sort of bumbling idiot , as opposed to a cold and calculating monster. He's used me since the day that I was born, and he's done it well. I feel like a terrible person every time this man feigns innocence when I find out about him molesting my friends. He denies it and I, as an empath, desperately want to believe him. I fancy myself logical, but guilt trips me up, and when he plays the idiot as well as he does, I feel like an abusive monster. Fear and guilt trump reason. Consciousness is a bitch.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Sociopath(ic) (part 1)
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Getting what you pay for
I don't know how much we really
trick people into doing things they don't want to do or being in relationships
they don't want to be in. I think the most we can be blamed for is getting
people to want things they otherwise wouldn't want. A good example is when I was growing up, a vacuum cleaner salesman came to my house. My mother sat with
him for hours, watching his demonstration and trying out the vacuum. The vacuum
was absurdly expensive, the price of a cheap used automobile. She is a little
bit of a germaphobe, though, with mild allergies. To her, the hope and promise
of the vacuum cleaner as panacea was enough so she bought it. That vacuum
cleaner worked ok, I guess, but only for a few years before it was relegated
to a closet. Was she manipulated into buying it? Yes, but I also think in a way
that she got her money's worth.
Now that I write this with my adult mind I wonder if there was something else going on with the vacuum salesman...
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Sociopaths = introverts?
Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice? . . . .
If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands . . . .
[A]fter an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: "I'm okay, you're okay—in small doses."There are some allusions to sociopathic ways of being ("many actors, I've read, are introverts, and many introverts, when socializing, feel like actors"), although introverts deny being misanthropic. But do you know who has even more in common with introverts? Aspies. I thought this Aspie take on introversion was especially entertaining in light of recent events:
Admittedly, if you take enough abuse and feel slighted enough times by colleagues and peers, it is a challenge not to become cynical and misanthropic. I personally find I dislike trying to deal with people more each year. The majority of people might be okay, but it seems that one lousy person will find a way to abuse or insult me given the opportunity. Why would I want to deal with a large group knowing even one jerk is present? Unlike other people, I have a difficult time, a nearly impossible time, forgetting such abuse.
But I'm not shy. I'm not introverted. In fact, my problem is that I will try to defend myself when I perceive an attack. (I don't always perceive an attack, sadly, until it is too late to undo damage.) So, my "introversion" is really an attempt to avoid people and conflicts. It's not a desire to be alone because I like being alone, it is a desire to avoid being miserable later.
Many people with ASDs start to seem introverted because that's an easy way to cope with life. If I stay at home, there is less risk of sensory overload, emotional overload, or general social conflicts. Alone is safe. And, thankfully, I don't feel "lonely" or "isolated" -- when I feel "trapped" it is not because I want to be around people, but because I want out of the city.
Sure, I realize I was isolated from peers and colleagues. But my desire for connections was practical; I realize social connections do matter at school, in the workplace, and within organizations. Unfortunately, I lack the social skills to develop the relationships that might help my career(s).
Quote: pleasure and pain
"Pleasure cannot be shared; like Pain, it can only be experienced or inflicted, and when we give pleasure to our Lovers or bestow Charity upon the Needy, we do so, not to gratify the objects of our Benevolence, but only ourselves. For the Truth is that we are kind for the same reasons as we are cruel, in order that we may enhance the sense of our own Power." -Aldous Huxley
Monday, September 12, 2011
The Diamond Rule
This is a really interesting explanation of the application of game theory principles to ethics. I found this to be particularly useful in categorizing my own behavior and those of others:
In other news, I'm sort of fascinated and flummoxed by the author of the blog (linked above), "Broderick Boyd" of "The Broderick Boyd University." I can't tell whether he is trying to become a motivational speaker, is a raging narcissist, or what, but I'm curious enough to follow him on Twitter.
The first strategy is called “The Golden Rule.” This strategy basically represents the idea to “Do to others, what you would have them do to you.” So if you were to apply this to the prisoners dilemma, you would remain silent every time the game was played.I'm not surprised that the Diamond Rule was the most efficient. And longtime readers of the blog shouldn't be surprised to see me assert that I think sociopaths are probably the most able to pull the Diamond Rule. First, you have to be able to punish someone, harsh enough to make an impact and fast enough so you can both quickly move on to the forgiveness stage. Sociopaths are impulsive and ruthless, they would easily be able to pull this part off. Second, you would have to completely forgive them and go back to the way things were before. Normal people hold grudges, but for sociopaths something like this isn't personal, just business. Once you have knocked them around for their misbehavior, if they have any use to the sociopath it would be right back to being chummy. In fact, the Diamond Rule is pretty much my default. I hate the Golden Rule, I think it's idiotic and narcissistically inefficient. I do the Silver Rule, but will take them down if necessary (Diamond Rule). The Bronze Rule is petty and others centered. The Iron Rule is just too inflexible for modern society.
Another strategy available is called “The Silver Rule” which is to “Do not do to them, what you would not have them do to you” which is a variation of the golden rule, but in the case of the prisoner’s dilemma, would also mean that you would remain silent every time the game was played.
Another strategy available is called “The Bronze Rule” which is to “Do to them, as they do to you” or as some would say “an eye for an eye” which, in the case of the prisoner’s dilemma, would mean that you would remain silent, if the other prisoner remained silent the last time the game was played, or if they were to testify against you, then you would do the same to them the next time around.
Another strategy available is called “The Iron Rule” which is to “Do it to them, before they do it to you” which, in the case of the prisoner’s dilemma, would mean that you would testify against the other prisoner every time the game was played.
These different strategies were all tested in multiple computer simulated and in real world experiments, and it was found that actually none of these strategies were superior for the long term benefit of both players.
It was found that a completely different strategy was found to be superior, which has been called the “Tit for Tat” strategy, and which I have labeled as “The Diamond Rule.”
This strategy basically states that both players should start out with the Golden Rule/Silver Rule strategy of cooperation with the other player, or in other words, to remain silent each time the game is played. If at any time the other player is to defect, or to testify against you, you are then to “punish” them, by also testifying against them the next round of the game, but then after that round, to forgive them, and to return to the Golden/Silver Rule strategy of cooperation.
In effect, the Diamond Rule states that you should cooperate with others, but if at any time another person is to hurt you, then you must withdraw your cooperation and get justice until justice has been fully dealt, and to then “forgive and forget” and be open to cooperating with them once again.
So that is how the Nash Equilibrium and Game Theory is most readily and easily applied to ethics. In effect, the Nash Equilibrium of Game Theory is a mathematical proof for why things like ethics, altruism, justice and forgiveness are actually most beneficial for every member of the group in which they exist. A mathematical justification for moral and ethical behavior.
In other news, I'm sort of fascinated and flummoxed by the author of the blog (linked above), "Broderick Boyd" of "The Broderick Boyd University." I can't tell whether he is trying to become a motivational speaker, is a raging narcissist, or what, but I'm curious enough to follow him on Twitter.
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