A reader writes:
Hello, I am a 18 year old female who wonders whether I am a sociopath or a borderline. Here's my story: I was always difficult baby who constantly cried and refused to sleep and eat certain foods. I was also never amused by the childish games that my peers seemed to delight in. As a child, I often forged and stole from teachers and students. It gave me a thrill, but I covered my tracks as I knew it was punishable behavior. One day, I was finally caught stealing, and my family gave me a long lecture about the severity of my crime. Since I was young, I decided to feign moral ignorance and claimed that I did not know stealing was wrong. I never stole again, though only for fear of getting caught. To this day, one of my favorite social tactics is "accessorizing" with mainstream morals and pretending to be outraged by "unacceptable" behavior. Feigning cluelessness is another favorite, though most people know me as a highly intelligent person.
I was raised in a strict family, and my parents would often physically punish me (and my two siblings) for bad behavior. However, I was the only one who reacted with violent vengeance. Years later, they are now terrified of me, and I rule the household. It is through this experience that I realized the power of intimidation and sheer violence, and I am shamelessly proud of this. However, my family viewed me as emotionally unbalanced because of my violent episodes and suicidal threats, and 2 years ago I was sent to a psychologist who diagnosed me with BPD. He believed I had difficulty controlling my emotions (hence the BPD), but the fact is my emotions are highly controllable; I exploit and indulge in them. In fact, I often practice facial expressions in the mirror, and whenever someone dies I have to egg on my tears. In fact I find myself craving tragic events, because then I have an excuse to practice my emotions (histrionic maybe?) Anyway, I was not completely honest with my psychologist, and in fact enjoyed manipulating our sessions by intimidating him and/or playing dumb and submissive.
Some other miscellaneous traits: I have disordered eating habits; I will binge (poor impulse control) and I will also starve myself (it makes me feel cleaner, superior). I'm also bisexual, hypersexual, and have had many romantic and sexual partners. I occasionally experiment with drugs and alcohol, though I find them to be overrated and simply minor sources of amusement. I also change friends like I change my underwear (frequently and without sentimental complications). I'm very socially adept and a real charmer. In fact, I recently read "The 48 Laws of Power) and was pleased to find that I already practiced most of them. Also, I have a mean streak and have made many people cry (which either irritates or highly amuses me). I also believe (and know) that I am superior to most people, which often leaves me bored with company. A final interesting tidbit: I have always been highly intrigued the morbid, grotesque, and/or deviant. These traits lead me to believe I may be a sociopath, though I was once diagnosed with BPD. I am careful not to assume I am a sociopath, especially since I had the displeasure of dealing with a particular wannabe who openly flaunted and fabricated their sociopathic tendencies. But after reading many of your posts (this blog is truly a treasure) and dealing with the wannabe-sociopath (I played the classic hunted-becomes-the-hunter card), I am very interested in your opinion and those of your readers. Thank you in advance!