Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Sociopath or BPD?

A reader writes:
Hello, I am a 18 year old female who wonders whether I am a sociopath or a borderline. Here's my story: I was always difficult baby who constantly cried and refused to sleep and eat certain foods. I was also never amused by the childish games that my peers seemed to delight in. As a child, I often forged and stole from teachers and students. It gave me a thrill, but I covered my tracks as I knew it was punishable behavior. One day, I was finally caught stealing, and my family gave me a long lecture about the severity of my crime. Since I was young, I decided to feign moral ignorance and claimed that I did not know stealing was wrong. I never stole again, though only for fear of getting caught. To this day, one of my favorite social tactics is "accessorizing" with mainstream morals and pretending to be outraged by "unacceptable" behavior. Feigning cluelessness is another favorite, though most people know me as a highly intelligent person.

I was raised in a strict family, and my parents would often physically punish me (and my two siblings) for bad behavior. However, I was the only one who reacted with violent vengeance. Years later, they are now terrified of me, and I rule the household. It is through this experience that I realized the power of intimidation and sheer violence, and I am shamelessly proud of this. However, my family viewed me as emotionally unbalanced because of my violent episodes and suicidal threats, and 2 years ago I was sent to a psychologist who diagnosed me with BPD. He believed I had difficulty controlling my emotions (hence the BPD), but the fact is my emotions are highly controllable; I exploit and indulge in them. In fact, I often practice facial expressions in the mirror, and whenever someone dies I have to egg on my tears. In fact I find myself craving tragic events, because then I have an excuse to practice my emotions (histrionic maybe?) Anyway, I was not completely honest with my psychologist, and in fact enjoyed manipulating our sessions by intimidating him and/or playing dumb and submissive.

Some other miscellaneous traits: I have disordered eating habits; I will binge (poor impulse control) and I will also starve myself (it makes me feel cleaner, superior). I'm also bisexual, hypersexual, and have had many romantic and sexual partners. I occasionally experiment with drugs and alcohol, though I find them to be overrated and simply minor sources of amusement. I also change friends like I change my underwear (frequently and without sentimental complications). I'm very socially adept and a real charmer. In fact, I recently read "The 48 Laws of Power) and was pleased to find that I already practiced most of them. Also, I have a mean streak and have made many people cry (which either irritates or highly amuses me). I also believe (and know) that I am superior to most people, which often leaves me bored with company. A final interesting tidbit: I have always been highly intrigued the morbid, grotesque, and/or deviant. These traits lead me to believe I may be a sociopath, though I was once diagnosed with BPD. I am careful not to assume I am a sociopath, especially since I had the displeasure of dealing with a particular wannabe who openly flaunted and fabricated their sociopathic tendencies. But after reading many of your posts (this blog is truly a treasure) and dealing with the wannabe-sociopath (I played the classic hunted-becomes-the-hunter card), I am very interested in your opinion and those of your readers. Thank you in advance!

Monday, September 5, 2011

A time and a purpose

Some people really get on my nerves. I had a needy sister growing up and I was never able to relate to her. I have a little relative who is also very whiny in that way, impulsive in irritating ways, selfish, an act first think later boy, which forces everyone around him to constantly clean up his messes. Just the other day, though, I was "watching" him and his two brothers while they were around a pool. I was busy with other things until they started yelling that their toddler brother was "drowning." I yelled at them to grab him. The oldest brother, mild-mannered, good-natured, did nothing. The impulsive whiny kid immediately reached out and pulled his younger brother up out of the water, even though he is not a strong swimmer himself. I thought -- even though I don't like this kid, he at least is good for some things and some situations.

Interestingly, I think that when I was growing up some of my siblings thought I was more trouble than I was worth. I got into fights all the time. I was impulsive and reckless and people were constantly having to clean up after me. I was selfish, always did what I wanted when I wanted. I bullied my siblings in a lot of ways. I would make them pay me money to play the games that they wanted to play, and then I would beat them at those games. I was told on several occasions that I was "evil" and that they hated me. I was also the person that people turned to when they needed special help taking care of a problem. My tactics weren't always things that people felt comfortable adopting, but you couldn't deny their effectiveness. I wasn't a general, all purpose tool, but for certain situations nothing and no one could do the job like I could. It only took a few clutch bailouts in late teens to early adulthood for my siblings to really appreciate how useful I could be, what a resource I would be to them throughout our lives.

In my healthiest relationships, people know what to expect from me -- outside the box thinking, efficient problem solving, ruthlessness, an eye for exploitation, impressive loyalty, which are all very useful tools in certain situations. They also know what not to expect from me -- empathy, commiseration, a deep emotional connection, hand holding, mercy, unconditional love. But not everybody needs everyone in their life to be those things, right?

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Famous sociopaths (part 3)

Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio:
About 17 o'clock [lunchtime] the accused, together with two other people, was eating in the Moor's restaurant at La Maddalena, where I work as a waiter. I brought them eight cooked artichokes, four cooked in butter and four fried in oil. The accused asked me which were cooked in butter and which fried in oil, and I told him to smell them, which would easily enable him to tell the difference.

He got angry and without saying anything more, grabbed an earthenware dish and hit me on the cheek at the level of my moustache, injuring me slightly... and then he got up and grabbed his friend's sword which was lying on the table, intending perhaps to strike me with it, but I got up and came here to the police station to make a formal complaint.


Thursday, September 1, 2011

The empathy dealbreaker

A reader sent me a link to this article, "Student sues after university dumps him for ‘lack of empathy’":
A 44-year-old man is suing a Missouri university for $3 million after he was dumped from a graduate counselling program for lack of empathy.

David Schwartz received a “no credit” for his practical experience internship after receiving mostly A’s and one C in his course work, said the lawsuit against Webster University in St. Louis.

Dr. Stacy Henning, director of the counselling centre at the university, is alleged to have used three taped counselling sessions to show that Schwartz he “would not make a good counsellor because he lacked empathy,” the lawsuit claimed.

Judging empathy, Schwartz’s lawyer, Albert Watkins, told the Star, “is an extraordinarily subjective assessment.”

If empathy can be taught, Watkins said, the university had a duty to teach it to Schwartz. If it can’t be taught, his supervisors should have disqualified him from the graduate course before he paid $77,000 for tuition, books and fees.
I love this! There are so many weird implications. A court is going to decide whether or not empathy can be taught? In order to limit potential liability, counseling programs will test candidates ahead of time for empathy? Ah, the perversity of making empathy a job qualification.
Join Amazon Prime - Watch Over 40,000 Movies

.

Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.