Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Quote: Learning from experience

There's only one thing more painful than learning from experience, and that is not learning from experience.

- Archibald MacLeish

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Seduction 101: Angelina Jolie

I read celebrity gossip. I find that even people who don't keep up on it regularly would rather talk about it than the weather if we have to small talk. People love idle gossip, and if you don't have any common acquaintances, celebrities are the next best thing (including, of course, politicians, sports stars, royalists, and every other person of note). Reading celebrity gossip is social research on many levels.

I was reading this ridiculous account of an interview with Angelina Jolie that probably took longer to read than the actual interview, but the interviewer did have some interesting comments about her subject/experience that indicate either seduction or socio or both, for instance: "I can't decide if she was teasing or serious. She has a way of saying things that can seem half like she's f-cking with you and half like she means every word."

Another example of some very good technique:
It's intimidating. Not just the looks but the whole aura. More than once that day, afterwards, I heard several journalists referring to her as "regal". She is very still, spare with her movements, not warm, not mean, but not, like, obsequious in the least; nice, but not gushy no way, and somehow you feel you need to please her - it's not a command, it's not like she's Julia Roberts who straight up tells you you're there to serve her, but there's something natural about it, like it's been ordained, something you don't question.
The sparsity of movements and words are key, the lack of things for the mind to focus on means that it will imbue the movements and words with additional meaning. It invites the observer to speculate, to try to get in your head and figure you out, which is exactly where you want them:
And then somehow the conversation came back around to me dating Dustin Hoffman's son and I told them that I've been married for almost ten years, and I remember when I said that, her eyes narrowed, just a little, like she was surprised, then maybe not that impressed. This was the exact thought that crossed my mind at that moment, trying to decipher her expression: maybe she thinks I don't have good sex anymore.
Good luck trying to decipher that unfathomable expression. And finally:
As I was leaving, as we do, I said to them both - it was great to meet you. She made strong eye contact, dipped her head, lifted up her eyes, and said "yes you too". Pure sex. You just don't have a chance.
Sociopath maybe. Skilled seducer, definitely.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Part-time lover


From an aspie/socio(?) relationship story from a reader:

I met this girl I really quite liked although she was a bit odd. When she was around me she changed her disposition very noticably between her family and friends and when she was alone with me as well as expressing that she didn't particularly like her friends that much and wouldn't miss them when she left for university (which I had convinced her to do). I pointed out that I thought it was cute the way she changed so rapidly not realising what it meant, later that day when I was out with my friends playing some cards she sent me a message on facebook saying she didn't want to be in a relationship claiming she was afraid the commitment. When I got home I was really confused and I pressed her a lot for answers and finally I got them. She was afraid I had figured out that she was just acting, and she confessed a lot of herself to me (assuming she was not lying).

She told me how she also was incapable of empathy and that she often fantasized about violently murdering people, and craving power. She told me that to fit in she just moulded herself to whatever she thought other people wanted, and she didn't want a boyfriend because she could not be herself around such a person and it would invade her personal time (I had noticed the inconsistency too, I suspect she has many reasons). So in this discussion I became intensely interested in her, because although I have asperger's I find other aspies terribly annoying, and this was someone who did not have empathy faculties that I actually liked and during the conversation she changed her mind and decided she actually did want to be in a relationship with me, I still don't know why. Did she enjoy the power she felt over me when I was being affectionate, did she want the power trip from when I was dumped again 2 days later?

Anyway a short time later, we watched some movies together. She was really affectionate physically and I noticed the incongruence with how she described herself, but why would anyone lie about that? I wanted her to be 'natural' around me but ignored the inconsistency, as the person she was projecting was seemed so perfect for me. Later on we were messing around and ended up having sex and when we finished after I went to clean up she told me her mother was coming home for lunch and that I should leave. When I got home I found another message that said "you pushed me too far, don't try to contact me again." It occurred to me she was lying about her mother and it was so odd that she never once said "let's not do this" or "no I don't want to have sex" she even got the condom out herself.

I am pretty convinced she was a sociopath at least to some extent, I suspect she lies pathologically and enjoyed breaking up with me repeatedly for the power. I feel like an idiot falling for it a second time knowing she was probably acting, but the person she projected was exactly what I wanted in a girlfriend. Looking into it later, if I was right about her being a sociopath, it could have ended a lot worse. So I guess I am lucky to have it end with only some personal resentment and another ex to add to the list of people who I have seen naked but don't talk to.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Socio song: Judas

Someone sent this to me. Is it really a socio song, and if so who or what is socio? The lyrics, Judas, Jesus, Gaga, or her fans?

Friday, May 13, 2011

Agendered non-empath

From Eli Dupree:

I discovered sociopathworld.com this morning, while investigating cultural stereotypes about female sociopaths. I think you and your readers might like to read this graphic short story that I wrote a few months ago.

I'm an agendered non-empath, among other things. (I'm not trying to reclaim the term "sociopath", so I don't use it for myself, but I think I'm what you would call a "sociopath".) People don't generally categorize me as female, either (they categorize me as male), so I'm not directly affected by any stereotypes about female sociopaths, but I'm really interested in both feminism and neurodiversity. I also have Asperger's (that's right, I'm an aspie AND a non-empath - I recognize that those are significantly different things, and I'm both of them.)

The biggest single stereotype about femaleness and sociopathy that I found on the Internet was "borderline personality disorder is the female equivalent of antisocial personality disorder". That's complete bullshit, obviously, but it kinda illustrates how people think about it - they expect female people to be more emotional and more empathetic than male people, so their model for "sociopathic man" is a cold, heartless person while their model for "sociopathic woman" is a "crazy", emotionally unstable person.

So, basically, mass culture doesn't even have the language to talk about actual female non-empaths, because the stereotype is that they don't exist. On the plus side, that means there's no particular stereotype threat for female non-empaths in particular. On the other hand, the way our culture coerces apparently-female people into displaying empathic behaviors probably hurts female non-empaths a lot. I don't think it's healthy for almost anybody to live with a false persona all the time. (There are probably people who are just as happy lying all the time as they would be if they were open to people, but just being a non-empath doesn't automatically make you like that, nor does any other specific neurological condition I know of.)

- Eli
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