Saturday, April 9, 2011

Acting the part (part 2)

M.E.: I've been put in a situation at work recently with social rejects and it is amazing the sort of things I am able to get away with around them, little slip ups, etc., that used to trip me up with some of my smoother colleagues. I think I wrote about this once, that I do very well in the first 30 minutes of sustained talking to someone (very charming), but the longer it lasts, there is more mental fatigue plus I start running out of completely safe topics or canned material. I often think the best way to figure out whether someone is a sociopath or not is to force them to keep talking with you until they start to crack and you start to see what's underneath. It would depend on the person, but I think that someone familiar with sociopaths would definitely be able to notice warning signs after about 4-6 hours of sustained one on one interaction. The trick would just be to isolate the potential sociopath for that long.

The possibility of being outted through conversation is what makes a fake diagnosis of Asperger's appealing to me because when you do slip up they'll just attribute it to that rather than getting online and googling your symptoms…

Reader:

:) The 30 minute conversation is a little long for me- I was always great for about 20. I find, now, that I can sustain long conversations better as long as I have a goal with each one, like, "During this conversation, I'm going to work toward getting participant A to agree with me on 3 statements, so he files me away as like-minded." or "During this conversation, I'm going to change her mind on this, which would make my life slightly easier." I still have a limit, certainly, and I definitely get the mental fatigue you mentioned, but more than that I get bored. A person's drivel just doesn't hold my interest unless I am actively doing something with it.

The asperger's Dx is definitely appealing for covering slip-ups. I mentioned the possibility of aspergers to my husband, but his response was something to the effect of, "You don't have aspergers. You're just a psychopath who wants to be lazy." He is so funny.

As far as detecting other p/s individuals, I do try to keep an eye out so as to not get in their way. Don't get me wrong- I will take something I want, but I'm not interested in starting something with another p/s unless it is worth the effort and potential exposure. Co-worker 2 from the story hit some key p/s points the first week I knew her. I actually came home the first day and told Aristotle that my first day was good and that he should watch out for coworker2 (my work does a lot of whole-family events, so he spends a good bit of social time with the job people). During a safety training, when the speaker was flashing up gruesome pictures of the bad that can happen when being unsafe with the kinds of materials and equipment we use, I scanned the faces around the room, and all but two were disgusted immediately. Coworker 2 smiled first. :) Since, I've seen her mask slip just a little, here or there. At lunch, when the chatter moves to something morally or ethically based, she always waits for another's opinion and piggy-backs. When anything controvercial comes us, she takes the groups temperature before committing. Finally, the girls and I were all out drinking recently, when we were sharing our back-stories, and her's was one of early divorce, managing a mother with a pd, and mild sexual abuse by a step father. Nothing earth-shattering, but certainly triggers for a potential p/s. :)

Friday, April 8, 2011

Acting the part (part 1)

From a reader:
I've had a fun experience a few weeks ago, and I thought I'd share.

I've moved from working in academia, where those in power see those below them as either dismissible and squish-able piss-ants or disciples, to a company where people are more on equal footing. Over the years, I learned to adapt the sweet and lovable little girl act I had designed for adults to a cute an innocent chick act for guy-games to the wide-eyed mentee act in academia. My so-sweet-I'm-quirky (and-non-threatening!) status has always served me well. I was never suspect when my shenanigans could have pointed toward me. Teflon. I was free do make happen whatever I'd like. Now that I'm in industry and nearing my 30's, I don't think I can quite pull that persona off without about 10 cats and dresses with shoulder pads and tiny flowers. I recognize this, but it is still the character I've trained to slip into when my personality is on auto-pilot. I had a birthday a few weeks ago, and some of my new colleagues took me out to lunch. At the end of the meal, a personalized cake arrived, complements of the team. Showing over-gratitude endears people to me as long as it seems genuine (and I definitely pull off genuine), so when paying I held up the remnants of the cake and told the cashier (with a big smile) "My friends bought me a cake for my birthday! They are wonderful!"

Here's the fun part. Co-worker 1 leaned over to co-worker 2 and said, "And she says she doesn't have Aspergers." ! :) !!!!!! This was in reference to an earlier comment as Co-worker 1 does, indeed, have Aspergers and we had been talking about it. As a side note, co-worker 2 is most likely a p/s type, but much younger, so we have non-colliding orbits. Probably more on her at another time. This is thrilling. I'm going to have to work a little to pull off mild Aspergers, but Aspie Co-worker 1 making those comments certainly won't hurt. It seems like this would give me cover on any non-empath-like comments I make or actions I take, while allowing me to appear to be a cute little Aspie. :) This will require that I encourage the development of the comments from Co-worker 1, but luckily both 1 and 2 are pleasant to have around, so crafting her message and my image should be some fun.
M.E.: I love this. I try to play the aspie card whenever possible and appropriate. Aspies themselves are a little harder to trick. They can recognize that you are different from other neurotypicals, but they also recognize that you're not quite like them either, without necessarily being able to put a finger on why exactly.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Giving in

One symptom of my life being too legitimate recently is an increasing need to exercise self-control, a resource that recent research suggests is in limited supplies:

Results suggest that "people have a diminishable supply of energy that the body and mind use to engage in self-control," says study author Kathleen Vohs, a consumer psychology professor at the University of Minnesota's Carlson School of Management. "When people use this energy toward achieving one goal, they have less of it available to use toward achieving other goals."

***
Results suggest loss of self-control resources isn't the same as being tired, she says. "The ability to engage in self-control is determined by prior use of self-control, not by how much sleep one had the night before."
***
Sian Beilock, a psychology professor at the University of Chicago, says it's interesting that "being taxed in terms of doing one task can have these spillover effects on another." People may think they can compartmentalize the different tasks they do during the day, but it turns out they are all connected, she says.
***
For the rest of us, Vohs recommends being more mindful of priorities:

"When you want to engage in good self-control, the best thing that you can do for yourself is set up your day so you exert your self-control resources toward that specific task you want to succeed at."
Maybe this explains why I have been needing so much alone time recently. My social interactions used to be casual, more for pleasure and relaxation. As my life gets more legitimate, more of my social interaction is professional and highly visible. Consequently, I have had to exercise more self-control in dealing with others. However it is important to realize that exercising self-control in one situation, even in a relatively meaningless social interaction, could hurt the amount of self-control I could muster in another situation in which it might be more important for me to exercise self-control.

The article is right, it's a question of being mindful of priorities and not being a spendthrift with scarce resources. Instead of denying myself all the time, I should find healthier outlets so I can be around people without exercising so much self-control, perhaps athletics or music.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Let's play doctor

From a reader:
I was wondering about sociopaths and have a feeling that I may be one.
So I've been scouring the internet searching for some sort of answer. Every site has different answers to what makes one as well as their tendencies differ. Unfortunately it seems I can confirm a majority of the tendencies. I play mind games with people and enjoy it when I hurt them through them. Breaking people up making them cry. Weird things like that. Also since noticing that I'm positive for things like that I've been thinking back on certain things. Everything I ever do causally with other people some how turns into a contest in my mind and I have to do everything possible to win. Extreme hatred towards loud obnoxious rude people (aka narcissist).

Also my ultimate goal is to take over the world... Has been for a long time. Long before I even started thinking about if I was a sociopath. I have had daydreams and dreams of gaining power for as long as I can remember. I've also had other dreams from about when I was 13. The first one was watching some kill themselves and it was extremely exciting. There have been other ones. Most recently I've been excited from the thought of watching as a rain of fire kills everyone on the earth. I know these things are "Wrong" but the thoughts of killing people is so exciting. I don't see anything wrong with it. It's supposedly just our animal instincts to kill. Of course I wouldn't kill anyone for pure pleasure right now. I still have no power and even though I could probably get away with it saying that they attacked me first. It would be a waste of time right now. I have an obvious lack of respect for human rights and people as people. I've thought before this that people are simply tools and I still do.

Your recent sociopath test was extremely helpful. The second question is exactly what I've always done for as long as I can remember. Lies about things that happened to gain sympathy, trust, or interest from other people. My favorite one is pretending to be grieving for an old friend who died of cancer. Of course I've learned that if you add some truth from a story that you have heard or read people believe it instantly. Yes again to questions 3,4,6,7,8 and 12.

As for why I think I am a sociopath I noticed it awhile ago when reading up on some stuff online and I came across the term sociopath for the first time. Now that I've read your site more I'm almost positive that I am. I guess I just came asking you for confirmation. Kinda pointless. I don't think it's a bad thing to be one. In fact supposedly from all I've read being a sociopath makes you superior to everyone else. That's pretty much all I can come up with to tell you. I don't know if you can tell me if I am one but thank you for your time either way. The only other question now is whether I was born one or if it was from childhood trauma. A bit of both I think. My parents were a bit abusive at times. Anyways thank you for your time and your Blog. It has been extremely helpful.
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