Monday, December 20, 2010

Small towns

There is incredible diversity amongst the sociopathic population. Although we share some physical/genetic/environmental characteristics, there are also many things that vary widely such as intelligence, ethnicity, race, age, socioeconomic status, gender, education, etc. These factors all affect the way our sociopathic traits manifest themselves making each one of us a special snowflake. In fact, when you consider the breadth and depth of influence that these factors have in a typical person, it's amazing that sociopaths are as similar as they are. One important environmental factor that I hadn't really considered before is the role of growing up in a small town vs. a larger city, and the stifling effect the former would have on sociopathic behaviors. From a reader:
I think focusing on impression management is key to the high-functioning part of "high-functioning psychopath". Nearly all of us mimic to give the impression that we are just like everyone else. Those of us who recognize that we can get more out of people if they want to give it to us just focus on our overall reputation a little more. Those of us who recognize that we can't control our baser urges every single time and may need some benefit-of-the-doubt cover, make a point to emanate safety and innocence.

I think the lack of understanding about the importance of impression management among others is probably due to one of three issues: One, the individual isn't a psychopath or anything like it. Two, the individual is not a high-functioning psychopath, and thus can't see the big-picture benefit. Three, the individual is a high-functioning psychopath, but has never lived in a small town or been part of some small sub-community within their city. I currently live in a decent-size city, and can see how easily anonymity is attained here. In a small town, most people know where most other people are most of the time, and what they are doing, so from a psychopath's perspective, it is a different world.

Being a child adds another complication. How you are viewed is inextricably linked to how your parent is viewed. Your power in the community derives from theirs. It was vital in playing my town--getting what I wanted when I wanted it--that my mother was viewed favorably. Now I'm doing the same thing for my spouse, who is in a career where image and reputation are very important.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Friday, December 17, 2010

Sociopaths in media: Lie to me, Apt Pupil, Lolita

The episode "Beat the Devil" from season two of "Lie to Me" features a homicidal sociopath. Apart from the usual Hollywood sociopath stereotypes, there were some interesting insights into how a sociopath might react differently to emotional stimuli. Apart from this murderer of the week, the main character Cal Lightman is also sociopathic (at least enough for the other characters/viewers to sometimes wonder).

A reader had me watch the film Apt Pupil, which is based on a novella by Stephen King. The thing I liked about the film is that at any given time it is not clear who the sociopath(s) is/are or who is playing whom.

Speaking of which, I also just watched the Kubrick version of Lolita. I love the book. There is something so sensual about Nabokov's word choices, as if there were nothing more pleasurable than reading/writing the English language. The film was a bit of a disappointment, apparently because of censorship. The newer 90's version is allegedly more true to the book (and therefore presumably better). The best part about the film is that it has more of an omniscient narrator feel, so (I think) you get a better idea of the extent of Lolita's scheming. In the book Lolita is seems more of a victim.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Understanding very little

A reader writes:
I am wondering, do you watch "Lie To Me"? The latest episode of Lie To Me which I watched had an interesting ending, where Tim Roth's character (one "Dr. Lightman") wrote that he understood very little, least of all those close to him.

I understand very little. I see people and I know what they feel, happy, sad, angry, annoyed, aroused, excited. but all in all I understand very little. I know they are experiencing something, but I do not understand the "humanity" that occurs around me. I know I am required to do certain things at certain times, and I will do those things, but do I understand why. I know I must, or I will be viewed in a negative light that makes my life difficult.

Indeed, it seems as if almost everybody I meet was handed a blue-print to behaviours, a list of requirements, of responses and of reactions. And it seems I missed that handing out, missed the instructions, missed that which is needed to be...well, human. This is how I viewed the world when I was younger, and how I have adapted.

As I said, I know but I do not understand. Human life occurs all around me, and I can not help but watch.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Tell me lies

I've been amazed at the sheer amount of lying I've had to do recently with holiday parties, family functions, and work. I haven't had to be around people as much this past year, so my lying skills are rusty. Also I've been a little sloppy and unlucky, which means I keep getting caught doing compromising things, necessitating more frequent lying. For example, I have an odd habit of rifling through people's bathroom drawers. I did this recently at a party, certain that the sound of the music would muffle any excessive noise. Unfortunately my host was waiting right outside the door to use the toilet after me. Most people would avoid confrontation, but not her. She asked if I was looking for something. I immediately said no, uncertain of how much she had heard. When she gave me a certain look and I realized I was caught, I did a quick mental brainstorm for plausible lies and said, "You were out of handsoap." Luckily this was at least sort of true, true enough for her not to get angry at me.

Lying is a risky life strategy. The worst thing that could happen is to get caught in a compromising situation, lie about it, and then get caught in the lie. People get very angry at you when that happens, although everyone has been in that situation at least once in their lives.

Everyone has a unique relationship with lies/truth. I was emailing one of my exes recently about lying, an ex who happens to currently be in a volatile relationship with another ex. I said:
Maybe the biggest difference between you two is that sometimes you lie or give sugarcoated truths but other times you will just bluntly say important things that you think need to be said. In contrast, X will either be honest or refuse to say anything at all. This is a bad combination because you like and expect to be lied to for some things but want the truth for really important things (how you treat people) and X basically wants the truth all the time or silence, even if it means taking a break from the other person (how X treats people). Because X sometimes tells you the truth when you want to be lied to and you sometimes lie to X instead of being upfront, you both get upset.
I am not sure what my relationship with lying is. Lying can be very fun and exciting, particularly when lying to get out of a scrape, but it can quickly turn into a chore. The character Tom Sawyer learns through his fence painting scheme that "Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and that Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.”

Sometimes I daydream about what my life would be like if I didn't have to lie all the time, where people didn't expect to have their ego massaged, or to hear a rosy take on reality, or they were just generally more tolerant of the diversity of human behavior. It would be nice to be able to tell the truth more frequently. I would love to be able to tell certain people certain truths with zero repercussions. I guess I could always drop the mask(s) and eliminate the need to lie that way, but I doubt I will ever take that step. As much as lying can be a chore, I think the pros outweigh the cons for now.
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