PCL-R vs. M.E.SC-R

Has anyone ever wondered what would happen if a sociopath revised the PCL-R? Well, now you can stop wondering...

Hare's Psychopathy Checklist-Revised:

Need for stimulation / Proneness to Boredom

Parasitic lifestyle

Poor behavioral control

Promiscuous sexual behavior

Lack of Realistic, long term goals

Impulsiveness

Irresponsibility

Juvenile Delinquency

Early behavioral problems

Revocation of conditional release

M.E.'s Sociopath's Checklist Revised:

Go getter / Doesn't wait for grass to grow

Resourceful

Thinks for his/herself

Sexy

Ambitious

Not Afraid to Take Risks

Carefree

Freethinker as Youth

Independent at Young Age

Victim of the System

Wired to Sociopathy

I've been watching a real interesting show for the second time. The show is called The Wire and its cowriter is a former Baltimore detective who is using his old case files to contribute to the show. The interesting aspect of this show is the fact that it tells about the system from a inside perspective in the unseen war between the drug dealers and the police, then goes further to explore the source of the so-called drug war. Instead of having the evil sociopathic drug dealers vs the stand-up police force saving society, they show the sociopaths leading the charge on both sides with the general public and underlings caught in the crossfire. The first season begins with a homicide in the projects and a subsequent trial where the defendant wins because they had paid off the witnesses. The detective, McNulty, gets tired of losing cases so starts manipulating the system in order to go on a crusade against the criminal enterprise he keeps losing cases to. The interesting thing about it is the twist it takes on that the detective admits he doesn't care about stopping the drug dealers -- he just wants to show everyone how amazing he is. Throughout the show this detective shows more and more traits of a sociopath until the last season, where the show straight admits this is what they were building you to see. The detective fakes a serial killer on the loose in order to build funds for his unit by making identifying marks on murders he's called to solve. To further it he makes calls to the newspaper faking to be the serial killer. When the FBI profiler comes in a meeting and explains the killers traits (The DSM-IV'ss definition of a sociopath) the entire room glances at him.

Each season focuses on sociopaths in different parts of the system. The justice system, the waterfront, the schools, and finally the media. Different people from inside those institutions have commented they were the most realistic portrayals of the institutions they had ever seen on TV. It is actually Barack Obama's favorite TV show. However, Showtime actually refused to take up the show due to its pessimism. This show has a more accurate portrayal of sociopathy in reality in contrast to shows like Sopranos or Dexter.

I will leave you with a dialogue from the show:

Lester: Tell me someting Jimmy, how do you think it all ends?

McNulty: What do you mean?

Lester: A parade? A gold watch? A shining Jimmy-McNulty-day moment, when you bring in a case sooooo sweet everybody gets together and says, "Aw, shit! He was right all along. Should've listened to the man." The job will not save you, Jimmy. It won't make you whole, it won't fill your ass up.

McNulty: I dunno, a good case—

Lester: Ends. They all end. The handcuffs go click and it's over. The next morning, it's just you in your room with yourself.

McNulty: Until the next case.

Lester: Boooooy, you need something else outside of this here.

McNulty: Like what, dollhouse miniatures?

Lester: Hey, hey, hey, a life. A life, Jimmy. You know what that is? It's the shit that happens while you're waiting for moments that never come.

Emptythy

I wanted to touch on empathy. Sociopaths don't feel empathy in the common definition of the word. Though there are many definitions of the word, the most common use comes from the ability to feel others emotions in order to help the other person. It is associated with sympathy and compassion. In this definition of the word, sociopaths have no capacity for empathy, since their focus is on benefiting themselves. However, a sociopath does have the ability to understand what others are feeling to the extent that they can trigger people's emotions in order to manipulate them in ways impossible to others. They are able to simulate emotional states in order to manipulate people's empathy. This can be to gain sympathy, compassion, belief, or any other state of consciousness they want people to have towards them. This act is very similiar to empathy, only the goal is not to put oneself in another's shoes in order to help them, but to help the sociopath. The common belief that a sociopath can't understand other people is false. How else would they have the uncanny ability to charm others? The ones who don't are not likely to achieve all the goals they want. To the real sociopaths out there: find out what other people are in need of emotionally and satisfy that need. Some people need direction. Some people need self esteem. Some people need the confidence that you carry. Once you understand the people around you power is truly in your hands.

Sociopath co-parents: defense against the dark arts (part 2)

My response:

Have you read this post?

I think in general the best way to get rid of a sociopath is to poison the well. But first you have to be absolutely sure that you want to be rid of him. It sounds like you still like having him in your life or in your child's life.

But if you are sure you want to get rid of him, my advice specific to you would be to hit him where it will probably hurt the most, financially. Speak with a lawyer about what sort of child support he would be legally liable to pay. Start collecting damaging information about him that you could use in a custody battle. For example, does he have unsavory guests at his house, does he smoke, drink, or have a history of violence or crime? If he is a true sociopath, you should be able to come up with quite a bit of dirt. Consider hiring a private detective. Find out things that he does not want you to know, things that would make him seem very unsympathetic in a custody hearing. Clean up your own past. Make sure that you are seen as a model parent. This is all very important preparation. You know what they say about planning: "To be prepared is half the victory." Sociopaths typically think at least a few steps ahead for their own actions, so you have to come up with your own defensive and offensive strategies.

After you have made yourself seem like the perfect parent and made him look like a terrible parent (3-6 mos? Don't rush things, make sure they are right before you do anything), start complaining about how he never does enough for the child. Be whiney and annoying.Mmake him wish that he had never met you. Whenever your child sees the father, try to schedule times for when he is sure to be upset -- hungry, tired, teething, etc. I'm not necessarily suggesting that you torture your child for his sake, but it might help. After about a month or two of this, start complaining about child support. Say that you are going to hire an attorney unless he pays you (double that amount your attorney said you could get from him). Do not tell him that you have already consulted an attorney. Do not tell him that you have already done background checks on him. Never tell a sociopath that you are plotting against him. Always make yourself seem as incompetent as possible. Your weapons that you have gained against him (information, etc.) should only be used as a counterattack, not the initial attack. You are like the southern army at Gettysburg -- on a hill, the strong point. If you got off your hill because he draws you into an attack, all is lost.

Hopefully he will start thinking that you are more trouble than you are worth. If so, try to get him to think it would be a good idea if he gave up custody. Suggest that you might be getting married or dating someone else who wants to adopt the child.

If he does not give up custody, perhaps if you have provoked him into some sort of action, e.g. hiring a lawyer or trying to get custody himself, then your next best option is to give him enough rope to hang himself. Make him think that you are still doing nothing. Hide all the cards until he shows up one day in court and you have all these witnesses and evidence suggesting that he is a terrible person. All his misdeeds will be public, the court can order a restraining order, and you will hopefully be given legal protection from him for you and your child.

Hope this helps. If it is true that your ex is a sociopath, that means your child may also be a sociopath. Read this post. Get more savvy. Read books on manipulation like The 48 Laws of Power, so you can recognize when others are trying to manipulate you. Always have an escape plan for everything, a ready made excuse. But don't talk to people about this. People can't be trusted not to talk. In a war with a sociopath, information is the only real power you will have. Guard it with your life.

Sociopath co-parents: defense against the dark arts (part 1)

Co-parenting with someone you don't like can be hard. It can be especially hard if that co-parent is a sociopath. Is it possible to get the sociopath co-parent out of you and your child's life completely? A reader asks:

I believe that my X and father of my baby is a sociopath. When we were first together i found him very charming so I fell for him. I later found out that he is a pathological liar. The majority of what he says is a lie. At the beginning of our relationship I just believed everything he said because I didn't know any better, but the truth eventually came out. He used to always tell me he loved me over and over everyday, but I would get frustrated because his actions would never follow through. Everytime he did something wrong he always blamed it on me. Things were never his fault in his mind. He also never appeared to feel guilty when he did anything hurtful to me. In fact he rarely even knew he did anything wrong until I had to spell out for him how he had been terrible and how it effected me. He never seemed to have the ability to realize on his own that he was doing anything wrong. Everything he does, he does for himself and what makes him happy with no regard for how it affects others.

The relationship ended when I truly fell in love with him and was trying hard to do the best I could to win his love. He got bored. I also got pregnant with his child and during my pregnancy I needed him, but my neediness just pushed him away. He broke up with me and I moved out when I was midway through my pregnancy. I still loved him though and wanted a father for my baby so I kept trying to win his love back. It never worked. He just used me when I offered him everything he wanted and would tell me he would care and be there but never followed through with his promises.

What I am worried about is what to do now that my baby is born. So far the father has made promises to care but has continued to lie, treat me badly, not come around when he says he will etc. When I get mad at him and explain to him what he has done wrong he will maybe act as though he cares for a couple of days. Or when his family gets mad at him for being a terrible father he will try and care because he doesn't want to deal with crap from his family. Because of his inability to feel guilt or no when he is doing wrong, I am very scared to have him around my baby or take him into his care. I am worried about trying to kick him out of me and my babies life though because then I think he'll feel it as more of a game to go to court and fight for custody and will do so, not because he cares about the baby and seeing him, but because he doesn't want to lose. What do I do? How can I get him to leave me and the baby alone and disappear from our lives. I'm scared to let him be around, but I'm also scared of trying to make him go away because it might actually make things worse. Please help.