Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Raising a sociopath child (part 3)

(Cont.)
Also, you have to be more careful about your identity and your child's identity.Ddo not leave an electronic trail of anything, even for something like this. I am not the type of person who would abuse any knowledge I have of your identity because I simply don't care. But! Some day someone will care, whether it is a future employer for your child, a college admissions office, whatever. You don't want anything to be able to be traced back to him or her. Because once things are out there on the internet, they are there forever. Get a separate e-mail account for anything like this, keep your online presence to a minimum, never let pictures or any information about your child get online. I know people are pretty reckless about privacy nowadays, but this is very important.

You have to get more savvy if you are going to raise a sociopath. Sociopaths are sneaky and will try to get away with everything. Plus you have to protect your child from the world that wants to hate him or her. You have to learn how to think 2-3 steps ahead, always. Have back up plans. Have ready made excuses. Do not get upset about things in front of your child or strangers. Keep a level head. Always give at least the illusion of control, and bolster that illusion by actually maintaining a high degree of control over yourself -- but not over your the child. Your child must not ever think he or she is in a power struggle with you because you will become just an obstacle to eliminate.

Hmm, okay. That's probably enough to think about for now. More to come, I guess. Or if you have any specific questions, let me know. But these are basic things that you should be doing or should stop doing right away.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Raising a sociopath child (part 2)

My response:
This is a very interesting question and I'm glad you came to me because I sense disaster already. First the positive: having a sociopath child can be just as good, if not better than having a neurotypical child. There is nothing keeping your child from being a great, high achieving, functional member of society. I excel at many things, I have meaningful relationships with people, I have a very full life. I also suffered a lot to get where I am, and most sociopaths have similar stories. Luckily for me, my parents managed to do a lot of things right, and I love them for that. It could have gone very badly, I think, and I appreciate the fact that it didn't.

I think the biggest thing that parents of sociopaths need to learn is to realize when you are helping and when you are hurting. For instance, you should not tell other people (including school officials or anyone else) that your child may be a sociopath. I understand the impulse. I have a little relative who has had significant hearing loss, which is immediately obvious to anyone. Even if it wasn't, though, the parents are more than willing to make it known, particularly if it would affect the child's schooling. Nowadays we expect schools and teachers to be understanding of children's individual strengths and weaknesses. This "legitimately" includes autism and asperger's, but does not include sociopathy. People talk (even on this site) about the forced execution of sociopaths and how they would kill a sociopath baby if they could. Sociopathy (even if applicable) is a label that could forever inhibit your child's life and development. If everyone knows your child is a sociopath, they will treat him differently. He will not be given the benefit of the doubt like other children will be. Once he knows that every anonymous bad thing will be blamed on him, he will do only bad things because at least that way he will get the pleasure of the thing before he gets punished for it. Sociopath children are very very sensitive to perceived fairness and incentive structures (more on that later). If I were you, depending on what you have told the school official, I would play it off as much as possible. I don't know what you could do, but maybe tell the counselor you were just trying to warn him about the sociopath family member you mentioned, or even better trying to warn him of the evils of trying to diagnose someone before 18 (the "official" age for diagnosing a sociopath), e.g., don't make the mistake of doing that with my child, otherwise I will pursue legal action. You could suggest your family history includes asperger's, and you're concerned about your son. I would also do some research to try find a doctor who will readily diagnose your son as having asperger's. Unlike sociopathy, asperger's is an "acceptable" diagnosis that can be used to explain your sons other antisocial symptoms without fear of reprisal.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Raising a sociopath child (part 1)

Although I support sociopathy as an alternative lifestyle, I understand how important it is for kids to be perceived of as being normal, or at least not leave a paper trail of abnormality that will follow them into their adult life (e.g. messed-up children of the most recently discovered abductee turned sex-slave).

Parents and school officials have become ultra sensitive to (read: intolerant of) abnormal behavior in children. That's not going to change in the near future. The key for parents is not to handicap their children even more by buying into the normalcy hype. A parent asks:
I was surfing around your log and I like it so far. I have a history of sociopathy in the family and now have a child whom I am wondering about. I do not like the general feel of searching this on the net cause all I am coming up with "Hopeless" "dead end" "stay away!" That is not how I roll. ;) I was wondering if you have any resources or thoughts on how to approach this in a more positive manner? (I dont even know where to start - I have been in contact with a school official about the issue)

I would love it if you and I could exchange an email or 2! I am feeling very alone right now.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Sociopaths and gypsies

Speak up for either, and expect to get booed:
A Russian trio performing Gypsy music with Madonna on her worldwide "Sticky and Sweet" tour says it regrets the pop star was booed during her Bucharest concert for criticizing widespread discrimination against Gypsies.

Thousands of people applauded the trio's performance with Madonna in Bucharest on Wednesday night. But minutes later they booed Madonna when she said discrimination should end against East Europe's Gypsies, also known as Roma.

In Bucharest on Friday, the Kolpakov Trio said it believes it is the only time the tour has been booed, but declined to say if Madonna had commented about Gypsies at other concerts.

Band member Vadim Kolpakov said "Madonna was surprised" by the booing.

Two members of the band are Roma, while the third is a Russian Jew.
Ed note: I've always thought that Madonna was a sociopath: she picks up accents, charming, constantly reinventing herself. It's no surprise to me that she would support the gypsy cause and be totally oblivious as to why normal people might think she's crazy for doing so.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Found out

M.E.: Oh, P thinks I'm crazy, like he knows what's up. He mentioned "serial killer." You're not concerned? I'm sort of concerned. Ha ha.

Friend: A little concerned, but what can you do

M.E.: So funny, because I have been completely normal around him. It's really very perceptive of him. He said, "When i first met you, I thought that you were really directionless. Now I realize it is the opposite, you plan everything. You're like a serial killer." I said, "P, how would you even know anything about me?" He said, "I have you 70% figured out. I learn more from what you don't say than what you do say. When you talk i just hear 'bla bla bla.' I feel like anything you say is more misdirection than anything else. Instead I choose to focus on your body language and other tells."

Friend: Your general demeanor does suggest subterfuge

M.E.
: Ha, how?

Friend: in lots of ways

M.E.: Oh, he has always been creeped out by my super calm.

Friend: You tell people about a lot of your scheming. Your calculations that other people (i) never tell other people, (ii) never tell themselves, even, or (iii) never make

M.E.: Ha ha. So you're not surprised. Even given who I am, very few people have accused me. Most are surprised if I tell them.

Friend: Not surprised. A little surprised that he is the kind of person who would tell you that that is what he thought of you.

M.E.: He says he is a great judge of character and he is right. How right, he may never know.
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