Criminal sociopathy (part 4)

Last installment. (As a sidenote, there are a lot of things I know about my readers who email me that I don't include when I publish about them. I know that means you don't get the whole story, but I weigh that against other considerations. I have this guy's backstory, and if he is who he says he is, then he is who he says he is.) My comments in bold.

The truth is most people make me sick. They disgust me. I don't care about them, because they don't care about themself. I don't respect them, because they don't respect themself. Luckily I think that a lot of people are sort of charming. I can be very fond of people, but definitely not anyone who is a self-hater. Those people are lost.

I hide behind the mask because if they knew how great I really felt and who I really am they would hate me because they can't be that way. Yeah, I think you are right that they would hate you. I don't know if it would necessarily all (or even primarily) be because they are jealous. I feel like it is more because you threaten their very way of life, are a parasite, someone who is at least capable of doing terrible things to them.

The vast majority of people besides sociopaths are insecure, self loathing, self hating, miserable people guided by their weaknesses who will never change. I wonder if your opinions are somewhat influenced by who you have found yourself surrounded by in jail and with the gang. I think a lot of people are great. I myself have met many smart, really dedicated people who are not at all a drain on society.
Psychologists who call our personality types evil and a mental illness are leading the charge. Blaming everyone for their weakness. Pointing fingers at us calling us evil, because they can't 'treat' our 'illness'. They can't manipulate us, in fact they fear us because without even studying psychology we can manipulate them. Its no wonder they have a high suicide rate. This sounds accurate, although I don't know about the correlation with the high suicide rate and their failure to treat sociopaths.

I want to end in this. Know yourself. You are your worse enemy. Learn to identify other leaders, or 'sociopaths' and be honest with them, don't try to manipulate them because they will also become your worse enemy. Right, making enemies with sociopaths is a losing scenario for both empaths and sociopaths. It's like Dangerous Liaisons -- stuff will turn needlessly ugly for both of you.
Don't try to be weak and insecure like them and have them tell you that you're sick because you don't feel guilty, insecure, and negative about yourself. You are amazing, gifted, and the most important person in your life so live that way. I like your style. You sound like you have worked out a great life philosophy for yourself. Stay gold, Ponyboy.

A little more commentary about this: when I first read it I was turned off (apparently, like many of you) by all of what seemed to be braggery. I don't know what I was expecting from my first exchange with a criminal sociopath, but I was surprised, particularly on the second reading, to see how much we had in common. To a large extent when i read things like this, it is like looking into a mirror:

Most 'criminals' lack any sophistication to put anything out there on the internet or any media for people to understand us. I wanted to change that. I also wanted to see if there's people out there like us who understand maybe that's on another walk of life. I found your site when doing research on sociopaths trying to find a positive alternate view. I found a dr. as well who says he leans towards a minority opinion that it might be a personality type which I agree with.

Most 'disorders' are personality types in my opinion or everyone would have a disorder. I think the DSMIV was written by weak minded psychologists who seem to dominate the industry. Which is why the majority are bananas themselves.
From reading the websites on sociopathy there seems to be a growing trend of people who want to be sociopaths like its a badge of honor. Maybe we might be getting some positive reviews as people now. The strange thing I've found is the fact that people hate us so much by definition but in reality we are surrounded by everyone who looks to us for guidance and leadership. Its a ironic contradiction.

Criminal sociopathy (part 3)

(cont.)

This is really what I wanted to write to you about. I have many crazy stories, because I've had a crazy life. The turning point in my life came when I actually understood and listened to those words. When I went to prison and had time to understand myself. That's not to say I'm not living a lie right now. Its to say I know I live the lie and I don't give a shit. Right. Like you said before, we all wear masks. Our sociopath brains are just programmed to take the information we receive and process it in certain distorted ways. The key is understanding that this happens and trying to learn our own brain's proclivities and those of people that we are trying to relate with or control.

I've stopped denying that I manipulate people. I know I do and I'm proud I can. Because of that I'm able to focus it on people I need to instead of doing it to everyone. Yes! So much of the maturation of a sociopath is learning how to focus our energies.

In reality people need to be manipulated and they want to be. So true. A good example I use with people is seduction. Everyone wants to be seduced. Also magic and religion. Everyone wants to be tricked, to believe in miracles. Even I do.

The difference between a sociopath and other personality types is just the amazing ability to manipulate on a grand scale and even manipulate ourselves. To believe that we are the best and the most amazing person in the world and put it into practice. his is something that a lot of low functioning sociopaths don't understand: you can manipulate yourself just as easily as you can manipulate those around you. iIn some ways it is harder because you are aware you are doing it and can fight against it, in some ways it is easier because you know yourself better and so can push your own buttons more effectively. Everyone does this on a small scale -- rewarding themselves for "good behavior," buying themselves an ice cream cone for job well done, etc. As a sociopath, though, I would say that this is the primary way in which I control my actions instead of giving in to every impulse.

We lie because people want the lie. They can't handle reality and for that reason they can't handle truth. Don't want it, wouldn't believe it even you told them it. People have their own view of the world, and if what you are telling them doesn't comport, they will just think you are lying or are ignorant.

I don't need to feel guilty or remorseful and I don't try to because everyone else thinks I should. People love me more for it. I get any girl I want. When I tried to go legit I got any job I wanted. I lied on applications, and elaboratly lied on interviews. I lie to my parents so much they think I own my own business when really I sell drugs. I change the stories about how I'm at the club networking for production companies to hook them up with DJs when really I'm there hustling.

Currently I'm using the clubs and my clients to practice manipulation even more. I get people hooked on coke at the club and call them to tempt them later in the week to buy more. I don't do the product myself and when they ask me why I tell them its out of respect for the customer. I tell them coke dealers who do their own stuff rip off the customer, which is true. The lie is the fact I don't do it because I don't need drugs to feel amazing I already feel that way. Excessive amounts of serotonin and propensity to feel euphoria. I always give people the lie that they seem most likely to believe, which is usually the one that is most complimentary to them.

I sell false self esteem to them that lasts a hour or two before their back to their pathetic life of misery. As for respecting the customer I lost respect for them the minute they bought the first 20 bag I used to get them hooked. if they had it at all.

I study personlaties, which is what's getting me into psychology. I understand people even though they'll never understand me (nor do I want them to). Me too, although sometimes I actually want to be understood. Or at least appreciated/admired.

Me and my homies call it putting people together. They do it on a small scale cuz I just started teaching them. I ask people questions about their life. I love the imagery of you teaching your thug friends all about psychology.

People like talking bout themself honestly(this rants one of the few times I actually talked about myself honestly), or sometimes dishonestly but they can't lie to me. It is amazing how willing people are to talk about themselves. They must realize how it puts them at a disadvantage. It can't all be motivated by narcissism. I have found that many empaths would rather be at a disadvantage, or at least would rather you have control over a relationship rather than them. Why that is, I have no idea.

I can see through almost any bullshit. One of a sociopath's most useful/deadly talents.

I let them talk and listen till I figure them out. I've discovered many personality types and how to identify them. How to find insecurities. How to exploit them or even how to fix them. Ha, it is so natural, isn't it? People ask how we do it, but it's hard to explain. I think it is because we just have no preconceived notions about people. Most people think that others are like them. We know that almost no one is like us, so we never make that mistake. People are always shocked at what I immediately recognize about them. Things that they think are absolutely private. With an artist friend, I immediately asked him why his paintings were monochromatic. He was shocked that he had never noticed that about them before (I was shocked too). I notice patterns, I make connections. I know why you didn't go through with your plastic surgery, why you refuse to fault your daddy for anything, when you are giving excuses and when you are telling the truth. And I know it within the first minutes of knowing you.

Criminal sociopathy (part 2)

(cont.)

In all that time I manipulated everybody. I was out of control and angry things weren't going my way. I always thought I was the victim of injustice and if I had power everything would be set straight. I still believe it as a matter of fact. I controlled everyone around me. My friends, people who thought they were my friends (I called them crash dumbies), and my family. I believed my own bullshit and so did everyone else. This sounds familiar, minus criminal behavior. There's only so much your friends and associates can take from you, though, without realizing that you are actually their problem, not their savior.
I wouldn't just manipulate on small scale either. Let me give you another example. I worked at Staples (while selling coke out of it might I add) and they wanted me to become a lead in the business machine section due to my leadership skills. Thank your manipulation skills and charm for that.

They said eventually I'd be a manager. This is when I was 18. I was excited because this was my shot to be legit with a real job and future. Ah, what could have been!

One day this guy steals something and there's this big commotion. Long story short this cop comes and wants me to give a statement. I'm not a snitch [issues with authority figures] so I don't want to give one, but they take me to him anyway. This cop turns out to be one that arrested me for not letting him search me. He illegally arrested me a day after I turned 18. So I started yelling at him. Because of this incident they didn't want me as lead or even work there so they started cutting my hours. My reaction: I called UFCW. The union vons and safeway workers have. I started a union campaign that had the vice president of Staples come down to speak to us about why we should vote no on the union. Long story short Staples lost a lot of money fighting the union campaign, but I lost and they fired me. I like this. I also take the offensive once I realize that my chips are down. It is usually a longshot, but I find some consolation in thinking that if I am going down, a lot of other people are going down with me. Of course it can also be turn into assured mutual destruction...

Let me tell you why I call my friends that aren't my friends crash dumbies. You can tell them to do anything and they will do it. They are loyal out of sheer stupidity. I've crash dumbied many people. Some committed crimes for me. Some fought for me. Some shot for me. Some even got arrested doing something I was going to do, but they beat me to the punch to impress me.

One day this guy I considered a good mentor told me I have a ability to pursuade people my age to do things. That the youngsters followed me. I toldem that I don't tell people what to do, they do what they want. He said my refusal to accept leadership was really my refusal to accept responsibility. This is wisdom.Ii don't know why this is, but all sociopaths seem to go through a phase of denying reality and rejecting responsibility for their actions, e.g. pretending they're normal, thinking that nothing is their fault, thinking that everyone does/is similar, etc. Maybe we are just freaked out by what we are capable of, but all sociopaths seem to deny Christ at least a few times before coming to Jesus. Maybe this is why lack of responsibility for our actions is thought of as being a "typical" sociopath trait amongst the mental health community. I don't think that high functioning sociopaths are irresponsible (obviously, I guess, otherwise they wouldn't be high functioning), but it is definitely an issue for most (if not all) sociopaths at one stage in their development.

Criminal sociopathy (part 1)

From a reader (my responses in bold):

Dear M.E.

I've discovered I'm what they call a sociopath a year ago. I waz actually reading psychology to help me manipulate people better. This is one of the big reasons psychologists hate treating sociopaths, by the way -- they feel like we just take the info we learn from them and use it against them.
I waz ordered by the courts when I waz younger to go to therapy for anger control and my therapist called me one and refused to 'treat' me, so it kind of jumped out at me. If I knew then what I know now she can't diagnose me at one at 25 [you mean 15?] cuz its a 21 and over thing. I've always thought sociopaths were serial killers and rapists. You know the hype I'm sure. Yeah, all too familiar.

Let me start by saying everyone wear's a mask, but not like I can wear one. I started manipulating people in first grade. I got my first grade teacher fired from her job, because she didn't like me. I got the kids to hate her, their parents, and my parents. I had the kids feeling like they were in a sweatshop of classes. So much homework there's no way to finish it, I said. The kids all agreed of course. The parents followed suit. It was to long ago to remember the course of events exactly that lead to her getting fired, but I remember how powerful I felt. Ha, I love it. Firing teachers is like a teeth-cutting activity for sociopaths, it seems. I didn't start getting teachers fired as early as first grade, though. That's pretty impressive.

My schools were a series of fights and illegal activities after elementary, till I was expelled from the entire school district in 10th grade. I started selling drugs and was (and still am) in a gang. I went to the hall (juvi) and got on probation. I got detonation of a explosive at 14, assault with a deadly weapon at 15, at 16 I got sales of explosives on school property, and was charged for arson at 17 but it was dropped for lack of evidence. My folks still think I was innocent on all counts. At 19 I waz arrested for trying to attack a aryan nation meeting with a improvised timed inciendrary. I ended up doing three years in prison when all the cards were down. Nice rap sheet. No wonder people were jumping the gun to diagnose you as a sociopath before you were technically old enough. But this highlights an interesting point -- psychologists don't diagnose until 18 because they don't want to misdiagnose people for things that just turn out to be tempestuous teenager-type activities. But sociopaths act like sociopaths from the beginning. You're a great example of that.

Sociopaths advise sociopaths (part ii)

Conversation with thunderball continued:

I'm not as violent anymore, not even close. So I guess I have mellowed out in one way. You said my first priority is to think what questions I am trying to answer. I guess these are the questions: Am I really a sociopath? How does it benefit me? How can I exploit it? Why do I feel like my development has stagnated? Why do I feel like I have extraordinary power but cant tap into it? Why do I think it may be a lack of focus holding me back? How do I get that focus? How do I overcome my doubt?

I guess ultimately I want to tap into the success I see, but feel like I'm stuck down a well. I can see the light of success at the top, but my surroundings are dark and cold. I need to feel and climb my way out. Does that make any sense?

I think you are right. I am bored. I'm resorting to the quick fixes you listed, no doubt. I think I need focus and direction. I need to force myself into a self improving routine and do what I want outside of that routine. Does that sound right? I know this sounds stupid, but I'm being honest just for now. After I talk with you I'm going to stop reading up on psychology and move onto other pursuits. Focus on what I think is a good routine, to improve myself, so my exploits become more exacting and I can gain better control of myself. I need to bring to an end the exploratory phase of my life.

Feel free to put this on your blog. I don't really care if people know my thoughts. Hopefully it will help more like me and make all the others cringe.

My response:

Yeah, I think at least some of your feelings of greatness are more a product of the disorder and not all based in fact. Not to say that you aren't great, but we as a group are prone to delusions of grandeur. For instance, I have always felt that I am a superhero. Even the way we describe ourselves reflects this, like one recent commenter referring to himself as the Hulk. That's just the way we feel about ourselves, the language that we find most appropriate to describe how it feels to be us. I think part of it is because we tend to have excessive amounts of serotonin, and part of it is because we have a low fear response. So we're overly confident and fearless. And part of it may be that we really are different from everyone else in really great ways. But I understand the feeling of being destined for greatness. I feel the same way.

If we feel this way about ourselves and we notice the world sees us as being only ordinary or even below average, this can create cognitive dissonance. One way sociopaths try to resolve this dissonance is to think less of the empaths amongst them, sort of a who-cares-what-they-think-they're-all-idiots-anyway. Empaths have their flaws, but assuming all of them are idiots is disingenuous, inaccurate, and ultimately will keep you from learning from them, about them, or interacting with them effectively. The better approach, I think, is to challenge assumptions (your own and those of the empaths around you) about what constitutes success and achievement. Even your new questions reflect ambiguity regarding this. For instance, what would it mean to you to be able to tap into your power? What would that look like or feel like? Why do you think your development has stagnated? What are you hoping to develop into? And what do you mean by tapping into the success you see? What is this success? The "success" of empaths that you see? The getting along with people at work? The climbing up a corporate hierarchy? Is that success? I mean, maybe it is for you. Again, I understand the feeling. You probably have felt a natural dominance and superiority over people since childhood. Maybe you have plateaued, or maybe you have even slipped in this skill. You're like a naturally talented athlete that has faced your first few failures or real challenges. Maybe you'll move on to a different sport or activity, or maybe you'll buckle down and become an innovator, trying to take your game to the next level. Obviously you are looking for something. You feel dissatisfied, you feel like your growth as a person is stunted, and you have resorted to quick fixes to assuage your feelings of ennui. Quick fixes are nice because they are immediately satisfying, but they typically are not sustainable (alcoholism, drug use, gambling, thrill seeking, etc). So it's great that you are trying to find answers to your questions. And there may be several answers to your questions or more interesting questions that you'll discover, and maybe you'll find fulfillment just in learning more about yourself through a cycle of finding and answering questions about yourself, life, etc. But whatever it is you choose, I just think you really need to think about what exactly you are looking for before you bother going out and finding it.

You'll have to keep us updated.

Best,
M.E.