A reader writes (my answers in bold):
So I am looking for your opinion again... It has been a couple of weeks since I posted the original question to you. He has been non-stop in begging me to take him back under any conditions. Stop smoking pot, stop drinking, no more lies, etc. Classic behavior to wrap me back in. Yeah, he probably figures that the longer you are with him, the harder it will be eventually to leave him. So as long as he can keep delaying...
Admitting to how stupid he was, swearing he just went off the deep end when his wife left him 2 years ago and suddenly these girls (many) were interested in him and he was living the "guy" dream. Ha, or the sociopath dream. Power = excitement, which is a primary motivator for sociopaths. Having people want you sexually = power.
Used the same flattery on all of them. When we got together he was in the relationship with the married woman, telling her how much he loved her. Swears it was all pillow talk, swears he only wants me. He could have meant this sincerely, at least when he said it.
Told him he lies, I don't believe anything, I don't trust him and that I think he is a sociopath. He swears he feels things, swears he feels horribly guilty, hates what he did to me, blah, blah, blah. He's been back on Match.com looking for his next target. Told him the only way I will even consider allowing him in my life is to go to a psychologist and be tested for APD with me giving the psychologist all of his history. He swears he is going to do it, is off match.com and basically saying he is not going to screw this up. So.... Is this typical? Sociopaths can actually do rather well with clear cut instructions in personal relationships. I always tell my "loved ones," you have to tell me what to do, otherwise I won't know. If you tell me, I will do it. I know how to manipulate and control myself. Sure I may do horrible things, but let me make up for it by using my sociopath skills for good in the relationship.
I hear so much about how people with APD won't accept any responsibility, etc. so I don't know what to think of this. He may not go through with it and that will be the answer to my question. Right, I've heard that too. I mean, I am quick to justify my own actions and slow to think I did something wrong, sure. But that is partly because (1) I really do put a lot more thought into my actions than most people and so have readymade justifications at hand and (2) I have a different value system than most, I think different things are "wrong" and "right," and I'm not going to accept "responsibility" for things that other people think are "wrong" just because they say so.
I told him I have no restrictions, I owe him nothing, I can date, etc. but if he has any contact whatsoever with other women I am completely out until the stuff with the psychiatrist is resolved. What do you think? Could work. If it doesn't, what are you out?
99% of me wants to just have him disappear but it is very hard when someone is so adamant that they want you in your life and that they love you so much and want nothing more than to be the man you deserve and make you happy. Ha, yeah, we're charming.
Don't you get sick of us over emotional people?? lol Only when it turns into a hate fest.