Thursday, January 22, 2009

Regret

I don't know if I have ever felt remorse, but I've definitely felt regret. I have several formerly close friends/former love interests who no longer speak to me. The first couple times it happened were particularly heart breaking. I was just starting to realize that I was different, but reckless about it still and a little in denial about the extent of the difference. To one I even confessed that I had a tendency to treat people in my life like paper napkins -- use them all up and then dispose of them. I didn't really mind being different back then, but I already understood how toxic it could be to others.

One particular old incident still haunts me. I had a rocky friendship with someone I admired a great deal. A long school trip coincided with our most recent fight, and we had to spend time together on a bus. At one point in the trip we were stopped and I watched my friend get off the bus. I looked out the window and saw the person engaged in an impromptu game with classmates. Taking advantage of the moment, I rifled through my friend's belongings and found a personal notebook/journal. I was so desperate to know what my friend thought of me that I immediately starting skimming it. Less than a minute later i looked out the window and couldn't see my friend anywhere. I panicked, threw the notebook down on the ground, and started running for the bus door where I encountered the friend. Trying to distract and buy myself time, I playfully tackled my friend to the floor. My friend was charmed by the playful gesture and seemed willing to reconcile. Once my friend looked over and saw the journal on the ground, however, I knew it was all over. I'd never seen hatred like that in someone's eyes before. I knew in an instant what I had done and what it had cost me.

I don't blame people for hating me. I hate myself a little. Not everything destructive in my life was my fault or anything I would have done differently, but some of it I deeply regret.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Sociopaths in the news: OJ Simpson

California attorneys owe their current clients a duty of confidentiality, which is maybe why it took OJ's former attorney and good friend Robert Shapiro years to admit, "he's a sociopath."
Simpson’s former criminal attorney, Robert Shapiro, night before last at a party celebrating Mickey Rourke’s Golden Globe win. I asked Shapiro, who led the Simpson “Dream Team” in 1994-95 that got Simpson acquitted of double murder, what he thought of his former client in retrospect.

Shapiro was quick to respond. “He’s a sociopath,” Shapiro said, surprisingly.

Did Shapiro always think Simpson was a sociopath, I wondered? Shapiro smiled. “What do you think?” he answered rhetorically.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Tony from Skins = portrait of a teenage sociopath

I recently finished watching the first series of the British television show Skins, which features the game playing of a young sociopath. He is smart, charming, promiscuous, manipulative, risk seeking, without regard for the safety of himself or others, deceitful, and lacks remorse for the problems he causes for others, presumably only for his own pleasure or gain. He quotes sociopathic literary references:
Shakespeare: Conscience is but a word that cowards use, Devised at first to keep the strong in awe.

Nietzsche: The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.
His friends admire him but are afraid of him:
Sid: You freak me out sometimes.
Tony: But it's never dull, is it?
And in his description of himself:
Life in Bristol is boring as sh**, so you gotta make your own fun. Keep it interesting. Try new things. I think that the best things happen when you're the one in control. My best mate Sid loves to do whatever I tell him, it's pretty safe. Actually, most of my friends do what I tell them to do. After all, I'm Tony Stonem. Michelle is the sexiest girl in school and, of course, she's my girlfriend - wouldn't have it any other way. Occasionally I do the reading thing and right now it's La Nausee by Jean-Paul Sartre.
Tony is a very accurate depiction of a teenage sociopath who is enamored with his talents and ability to control his friends. He is also very textbook in his propensity to overreach in his game playing and his recklessness in choosing targets and in not bothering to remain anonymous -- things that more mature sociopaths have learned are worth extra care.

The only reason I hesitated in diagnosing him as a sociopath is that I wondered whether he was a narcissist instead. Narcissism and sociopathy can be very similar in how they manifest themselves. a narcissist supposedly
1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special" and unique
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement
6. is interpersonally exploitative
7. lacks empathy
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
Sociopaths can also seem to have many of these qualities. Sociopaths may be more discreet in real life, but as some readers have noticed, sociopaths can frequently seem full of themselves, particularly when writing blogs about themselves. The real distinction between a sociopath and a narcissist is not the whats but the whys. Sociopath traits result from faulty emotional wiring and narcissist traits result from self delusion. I think this difference is illustrated very well here. Without hearing the inner monologue of decision-making, it is hard to tell whether someone is a sociopath or just a narcissist.

Here's why I think Tony is a sociopath rather than a narcissist: when one of his schemes falls apart in a big way, he tells his friend Sid, "I know I'm a wanker, but you all like me that way." To me, that sort of self-awareness can only be found amongst sociopaths.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Thoughts on Obama

Some random thoughts on the inauguration of American President Obama:
Aldous Huxley: At least two thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity, idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political idols.

Henry Brooks Adam: It is always good men who do the most harm in the world.

Mary Wollstonecraft: Every political good carried to the extreme must be productive of evil. No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks.

Rene Descartes: The greatest minds are capable of the greatest vices as well as of the greatest virtues.

William Penn: To do evil that good may come of it is for bunglers in politics as well as morals.
But then again, I am not a huge fan of change.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Sociopaths love mind games

Sociopaths are known for playing mind games, but why? Is it boredom? Is it because we happen to be very good at it and people generally like to do the things they happen to be very good at? For instance, this comment from a reader:
Ive just figured out Im a Socio, Im not really bothered by it(How can one miss what one has never had?). Now that I know... I feel empty. Well I do feel something, The Games, Oh the thrill of the games. But everything else seems like shallow water in comparison (its there just not as strong as others I expect).

Im twenty-two, rather gifted in games. I was always like I am ;) I learned from two game players... As the Caterpillar would say; "Whoo Are You?"

Am I uncommon?
-Anonymous.
If you mean are sociopaths uncommon, then no, they are all around you in different shapes and sizes. If you mean are there other people who make game playing one of their primary activities, then no, again you are not alone. One might say that entire cultures were built on a predilection for game playing, most notably Gypsies. But who doesn't enjoy a well-executed con? For instance, the man who "sold" the Eiffel Tower, Count Victor Lustig:
Everything turns gray when I don't have at least one mark on the horizon. Life then seems empty and depressing. I cannot understand honest men. They lead desperate lives, full of boredom.
Of course, be aware that there are consequences to game playing, like dying of pneumonia in Alcatraz.
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