Monday, November 24, 2008

Love crimes: the experiment

I finally kicked off the personal ad experiment. I posted a sociopath-seeking-love ad in four different cities in four different categories on craigslist. If you're interested in what the ad looked like in its final forms, here's New York, London, San Francisco, and Los Angeles. Craigslist doesn't have permalinks and they'll only be up there for a few weeks, so sorry if the links don't work for you.

I've already gotten quite a few responses -- I'll let you guess which ad most of the responses are coming from. If I ever do the experiment again, I think I would add words like "sinister" and "emotionally unavailable" to the description because I am getting several responses like "that sounds like me." I wonder if there really could be that many narcissists or sociopaths out there, or whether people are just ignoring the negative parts of the description and projecting what they want to see.

This has been some of the most fun I have had recently. There have been a few very sincere responses that made me feel funny or a little evil. But I quickly got over it. Mainly I think the responders are suckers, "asking for it," or that they would do the same thing to me if they had half a chance. More details on the responses later.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Sociopaths in the news: Cannibalism

Under the headline "First Mr Gay UK 'chopped up man and then planned to eat his flesh,'" we read about Anthony Morley (seen here on a dating show) who killed his lover (allegedly) in self defense and then began preparing portions of his flesh for cooking and consumption. But it isn't as bad as you think -- Morley is a chef, so he does that type of thing all the time apparently. Here are the juicy bits from the article:
Speaking softly, Morley, who was found to be three-and-a-half times over the legal drink drive limit the night of the killing, had invited Mr Oldfield upstairs into his bedroom at his house in Harehills, Leeds, to watch a DVD.

He said: 'I remember feeling that he was on top of me doing what he was doing. I felt numb and out of control. I felt uncomfortable and betrayed.

'We had talked about the whole situation. I was not comfortable with having a sexual relationship when we had only just got to know each other.'

Asked if he could give the jury a rational explanation as to why he killed Mr Oldfield, Morley said: 'The feeling of betrayal. I don't know why I went on to kill him at that point, I really don't.

'I can only say at some point Damian's body had just become something I would deal with at work - a piece of meat. That's the only thing I can think of. That was my daily task, preparing meat.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Sociopath personal ad

There has been some debate about whether people who are consistently attracted to sociopaths get what they're asking for. On the one hand we have people arguing that being attracted to certain sociopathic traits, e.g. charm, gift for adoration, and intensity, are not necessarily looking for a sociopath--they're just looking for someone with charm, a gift for adoration, and intensity. Okay, sure, I understand that logic. But how many sociopathic traits are people going to list off as being attractive and still claim to not be attracted to sociopaths? My theory is that there actually are people out there who are attracted to sociopaths because they are sociopaths.

To test that theory, I have come up with a little social experiment. I'll post a personal ad depicting a non-criminal sociopath and see what sort of responses it gets. Here is my first shot at the ad (using as many traits from hare's sociopathy checklist as practical); feel free to suggest alterations so we can make this test as "fair" as possible:
i've just made a few big life changes and am looking to focus more on an intense connection with a special somebody. i haven't had much luck with relationships so far. just when i think i am really getting to connect with someone, they freak out. they start acting like i have changed when really i have been the same the whole time. so after being burned too many times, i am looking for someone who will love me for who i really am, not whatever they imagine me to be. in the interest of full disclosure, here's me:

charming, attractive, succesful, very smart, a cut above, love adventure and intrigue, impulsive, active, love extreme sports, exciting, motorcycles, clever, persuasive, confident, doesn't take no for an answer, not easily deflated or worked up about things, never moody, takes care of self, passionate, loves to tempt and be tempted, driven.

let me know if any of this sounds interesting. and actually, just so i can make sure you're not just spamming people with generic emails, let me know what about my self-portrait is especially appealing to you and why.

happy hunting.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

She was asking for it

Some people are attracted to sociopaths for the very traits that make them sociopaths, then complain when they suddenly realize what a horrible situation they've gotten themselves into. Here is a sociopath dishing out some reality to yet another "victim" of sociopathic "love fraud."
As a sociopath myself I can confidently tell you just because someone has those traits does not mean they're a sociopath.

AND...

Have you ever dated the type of guy that left you constantly waiting by the phone with an uneasy sick feeling in the pit of your stomach?

Or a guy who made you feel bad about yourself, but for some reason you couldn't leave him? (Of course, that same guy, at times, also made you feel like you were the only person on this planet--you know, that "hot-cold" type).

And have you ever walked into a club and found yourself so attracted to one particular guy, you felt like you were in a trance and literally couldn't stop making eyes with him?

Might mean there's something wrong with you!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Acting normal: gateway drug to charming

Okay, as promised, I address the reader's question of how to act normal, or in this reader's particular case, charming.
Although I had a tumultuous childhood and adolescence, I am now 21 and more in control of myself than anyone I know. I watch others have emotional breakdowns and can only think that it looks like a lot of wasted effort on their part. I have learned facial expressions through FACS (the facial action coding system, used by investigators). Not a single person I know has guessed that I am anything other than well-adjusted and the most controlled person among a bunch of seniors panicking about the next few years of their life. I am not a criminal, nor do I have criminal intent, but I manipulate those around me just enough for them to leave me alone so that I can live a normal life. I am routine-oriented, and rarely let others get in the way. I am still working on a sort of a front, but I think I am well on my way to complete control of my own little spot in the world. I found your blog looking for strategies that sociopaths have used in their lives, as I hear that they have somehow learned to act "socially charming" and would like to acquire that skill as well for when I need it.
Acting normal is not an easy thing to learn. It is trial and error. It is specific to you. The good news is that the skills you learn to "pass" (manipulation, deflection, projecting confidence, listening skills, strategic flattery) are the same skills you use to be charming. This wikihow article about being charming is actually a good primer:
Charm is the art of having an attractive personality. This characteristic can only be achieved over a period of time. While everyone is born with differing amounts of natural charm, much can be acquired and honed through practice and patience. As with dancing, the more you practice, the better you will become. Effort and careful attention to the needs and desires of others will ensure that charm becomes a permanent part of your character.
Et cetera. There are also other books that have helped people, like Emily Post's Etiquette, How to Win Friends and Influence People, How to Talk to Anyone, among others. Use your sociopath wits and extreme objectivism and learn social graces like you learn anything else--hard work and genius.

It turns out that things like deflecting--always turning the conversation back onto the other person--and similar "smoke and mirrors" routines--are all things that people think are charming. It may take a while to get to the point of mastery, but if you are already "passing," sociopath charm is right around the corner.
Join Amazon Prime - Watch Over 40,000 Movies

.

Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.